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In a relationship publicy meeting another

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By *rontier Psychiatrist OP   Man
over a year ago

Coventry

I'm in a relationship and free to meet with others. However I do overthink and thus worry about the etiquette of meeting someone else publicly with regards being spotted by someone who knows you, your partner or both? When in an open couple do people take care in terms of discretion or do they not care who sees them with who? Do people fear the judgment of others not in know and fear being falsely veiwed as a cheat or as disrespectful to their partner? Is discretion something open couples factor in their lone adventures with others?

It's something I contemplate. Many freinds and family know about our lifestyle but not all do and I wonder what practical fallout being spotted with someone else could cause.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is why if I was to meet anybody it would not be in my local area. It's not that I am embarrassed or ashamed of the relationship dynamic that we have it's just that I don't want people to worry that I am having an affair or to be nosy to be honest.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I guess it depends what exactly you are doing in public...if just chatting then nothing to worry about as who knows who the person you're meeting is?

Could be business client, friend, family...

You could make your meeting point less local to you, so less chance of seeing any nosy parkers

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down


"I guess it depends what exactly you are doing in public...if just chatting then nothing to worry about as who knows who the person you're meeting is?

Could be business client, friend, family...

You could make your meeting point less local to you, so less chance of seeing any nosy parkers"

Yep pretty much this would be my take on it as well.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We had a situation once where a family friend who was married was supporting someone with a severe mental health problem. They were seen together holding hands in public, The person that saw them lost sleep thinking they had just seen their friends husband having an affair. The wife knew about this situation and fully supported it and the reason the hand was being held was because the lady had just tried to end her own life and he was taking her back to safety. The situation was explained when the person finally came forward and raised their concern with a mutual friend But it did cause this person a lot of distress and a dilemma as to what they should do.

So yes we should have the mindset of this might not be what we think but people do jump to conclusions which is why I would never meet anybody in my local area.

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

I only meet hothusbands out of their local areas, in respect to their marriage. Its an important boundary

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Absolutely no no for me, I meet privately only. Last thing I wanna do is explain I like other penis over family dinner.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not a couple but something like this is one off meny reasons I don’t meet people local to me

1 don’t want to awkwardly hellos as passing by and need to explain to friends I am with or family about how I know sed person and need to come up with some bs on the spot

I don’t think ooo you know he banged me last week would go down well

The second reason is

People can’t keep they mouths shut and feel the need to brag about conquests and such witch spoils it

And now you have a rep

Instead off bragging could they have not just keep they trap shut and keep get they dick wet

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Im very open with everyone that I am not in a monogamous relationship, so I dont worry in the slightest about who sees me with whom.

However, maybe that feels ok because I am in that younger generation and if I were older and married, maybe it would feel different

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By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

I do meet hothusbands and always have a social before arranging anything more, but there is never any physical contact when we're in public. Nothing to see here, just two people having a casual coffee or a drink.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This is why if I was to meet anybody it would not be in my local area. It's not that I am embarrassed or ashamed of the relationship dynamic that we have it's just that I don't want people to worry that I am having an affair or to be nosy to be honest. "

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

We don't meet separately but if we did this is definitely something I'd take into consideration, I even think about when we meet single guys as a couple.

Some people love drama especially if it's not theirs and revel in being the concerned friend who needs to discuss your business with everyone but you.

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By *ustus93Couple
over a year ago

watton

We have concerns if meeting someone in our own town, however We totally respect the public privacy of others when out, we've had many guys say hi to us and we really don't care to much.

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By *ohn KanakaMan
over a year ago

Not all that North of North London

I've never met anyone local, always in Cambridge or London though I'm aware that if I was spotted in one of those cities with another woman it would possibly look more dodgy than local!

My partner has had socials with couples relatively local and I think that looks far more innocuous than me being spotted in a pub with another woman.

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By *rontier Psychiatrist OP   Man
over a year ago

Coventry


"I've never met anyone local, always in Cambridge or London though I'm aware that if I was spotted in one of those cities with another woman it would possibly look more dodgy than local!

My partner has had socials with couples relatively local and I think that looks far more innocuous than me being spotted in a pub with another woman.

"

Yer, I kind of get a sense as a guy (and maybe it's more in my head that real) that males are mistrusted more and less worthy of benefit of the doubt. Even when going for a simple coffee or drink I kind of feel that people would instinctively jump to conclusions.

To be fair not people who know me well. I pretty confident those who know me well (but didn't know about our lifestyle) would know I wouldn't cheat and thus draw a more inocent conclusion. It's more loose acquaintances like people from work or parents who know me on the school run. Last thing I'd want to be is the subject of school run gossip.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I've never met anyone local, always in Cambridge or London though I'm aware that if I was spotted in one of those cities with another woman it would possibly look more dodgy than local!

My partner has had socials with couples relatively local and I think that looks far more innocuous than me being spotted in a pub with another woman.

Yer, I kind of get a sense as a guy (and maybe it's more in my head that real) that males are mistrusted more and less worthy of benefit of the doubt. Even when going for a simple coffee or drink I kind of feel that people would instinctively jump to conclusions.

To be fair not people who know me well. I pretty confident those who know me well (but didn't know about our lifestyle) would know I wouldn't cheat and thus draw a more inocent conclusion. It's more loose acquaintances like people from work or parents who know me on the school run. Last thing I'd want to be is the subject of school run gossip."

You only need to read the

"Would you tell your friend?" threads to know that people can and do jump to conclusions with no evidence but their absolute certainty that they know what's going on.

I think it's a case of be very discreet, very open or just not caring.

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset


"I'm in a relationship and free to meet with others. However I do overthink and thus worry about the etiquette of meeting someone else publicly with regards being spotted by someone who knows you, your partner or both? When in an open couple do people take care in terms of discretion or do they not care who sees them with who? Do people fear the judgment of others not in know and fear being falsely veiwed as a cheat or as disrespectful to their partner? Is discretion something open couples factor in their lone adventures with others?

It's something I contemplate. Many freinds and family know about our lifestyle but not all do and I wonder what practical fallout being spotted with someone else could cause."

I wouldn't worry.

Everyone has friends, relatives and work colleagues.

Why would someone seeing you with what to them is a total stranger automatically assume there was something underhand or dubious going on, rather than just you having a coffee and a chat with someone you know?

Unless there's obvious physical flirting, loud chats about your favourite kinks or you're playing footsie under a glass table what would give anyone seeing you cause for concern?

A

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