FabSwingers.com forum: Broken people

By *gent Coulson OP Man
over a year ago

Secret hideaway in the pennines

I was chatting with a friend in the pub last night and the conversation got onto relationships as he has just started seeing someone.

He brought up a very interesting point and it got me wondering.

My last 3 long term relationships have been with ladies with issues, I am wondering if they are drawn to me because of my caring nature or I am drawn to then from some deep rooted desire to help.

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By *G LanaTV/TS
over a year ago

Gosport

Or is it just that a vast percentage of the population are carrying around some of this baggage?

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By *ohn KanakaMan
over a year ago

Not all that North of North London

"Or is it just that a vast percentage of the population are carrying around some of this baggage?"

And we're far more inclined to be open about it

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Probably a bit of both

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Truth is we are all a bit broken, we just need to choose the right glue to hold us together.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You're 60. You're really saying you don't have any "issues"?

I have plenty, many of them created by the men who've been in my life. I don't want a partner to "help me". I want a partner to love as I am.

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By *lym4realCouple
over a year ago

plymouth

Because most people have "Issues" and you'd be rather rare if you didn't have some ??? but some people do and are attracted to people with so called "Issues" .....

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By *he FAB Social - MCRCouple (FF)
over a year ago

manchester

Personally I think women with issues ultimately end up with guys that fuel those issues, because that’s what the women know.

Almost like they’re subliminally conditioned to look for certain traits.

It’s very difficult to have a relationship with a guy who adores you totally and to be safe and secure in that relationship to the point it flourishes.

I know a couple who have been together for years and she treats him like shit, he’s so lovely though and wouldn’t hurt a fly. She’s broken due to historic incidents but he doesn’t see the issues, he absolutely adores her! They’ll stay together, absolutely they will but I don’t think he is truly happy.

On the other point, I do think caring men find the women who they feel they can help, whether it be long term or short term. It’s whether the women want to change their behaviours that is the biggest question.

I left a DA marriage and although I still class myself as ‘broken’, I have found a guy (not in a relationship with) that treats me with the utmost respect, love and care that I need right now. He’s helping me realise my worth as it were.

It’s all about finding the right one to make you realise, it can take months or years and you don’t even have to be in an intimate relationship with them x

My personal view though

Pixie

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By *G LanaTV/TS
over a year ago

Gosport

"You're 60. You're really saying you don't have any "issues"?

I have plenty, many of them created by the men who've been in my life. I don't want a partner to "help me". I want a partner to love as I am. "

I think your right it is so often those that are close to us that end up doing the most harm as they can do so from inside our defences. Certainly for me it most was done by my family but this is fairly closely followed by long-term partners.

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By *elkieWoman
over a year ago

Durham

For me, that’s a sign that there is work on myself I need to do, if I am repeatedly getting into unhealthy codependent relationships. I’m a luxury, I want to be wanted, not needed. .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Truth is we are all a bit broken, we just need to choose the right glue to hold us together."
words out of mouth altho the glue bit is a stretch i prefer gaffa tape

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By *he FAB Social - MCRCouple (FF)
over a year ago

manchester

"For me, that’s a sign that there is work on myself I need to do, if I am repeatedly getting into unhealthy codependent relationships. I’m a luxury, I want to be wanted, not needed. . "

Agree with this… it can take time to realise fully though and it can be heartbreaking to go through x

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By *elkieWoman
over a year ago

Durham

"Personally I think women with issues ultimately end up with guys that fuel those issues, because that’s what the women know.

Almost like they’re subliminally conditioned to look for certain traits.

It’s very difficult to have a relationship with a guy who adores you totally and to be safe and secure in that relationship to the point it flourishes.

It’s all about finding the right one to make you realise, it can take months or years and you don’t even have to be in an intimate relationship with them x

My personal view though

Pixie

All of this. Though I wouldn’t have the happy relationship I do now if I hadn’t taken time out to heal my issues, or if he wasn’t also on top of his issues.

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By *gent Coulson OP Man
over a year ago

Secret hideaway in the pennines

"For me, that’s a sign that there is work on myself I need to do, if I am repeatedly getting into unhealthy codependent relationships. I’m a luxury, I want to be wanted, not needed. . "
very true, I wanted to be wanted for who I am, not who someone wants me to be

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Same here, that's why I'm no longer looking for any kind of relationship. I'm like a heat seeking missile for disfunction, disfigurement and disability.

These days I'd rather be a concubine than a carer.

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By *idnight RamblerMan
over a year ago

Pershore

There is a spectrum of 'issues' and most, if not all, of us are on the scale somewhere - it's just a question of where. Moreover, it's not a fixed position on the scale, it moves up and down with life's travails.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I obviously am not implying that this refers to the op.

I have noticed that some people (it's not just men) are drawn to people with obvious problems. They want to help them, fix them and be seen as their saviour. The relationship then breaks down because the dynamic has changed. Something within the fixer needs to be permanently in that role.

The normal day to day issues that we all have usually cause problems within a relationship that we spend a lifetime trying to negotiate with varying degrees of success

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

Show me someone who doesn't have issues.

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By *elkieWoman
over a year ago

Durham

"There is a spectrum of 'issues' and most, if not all, of us are on the scale somewhere - it's just a question of where. Moreover, it's not a fixed position on the scale, it moves up and down with life's travails. "

Hypothesis. It’s not how much shit has happened to you that fucks you up, but how well you are able to cope with it?

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

If you lend an ear, people will talk.

If you don't judge, they keep talking.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I was chatting with a friend in the pub last night and the conversation got onto relationships as he has just started seeing someone.

He brought up a very interesting point and it got me wondering.

My last 3 long term relationships have been with ladies with issues, I am wondering if they are drawn to me because of my caring nature or I am drawn to then from some deep rooted desire to help."

You sound like my ex lol he always needed women he could fix and when they were no longer broken he lost interest!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 25/07/22 11:38:18]

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By *gent Coulson OP Man
over a year ago

Secret hideaway in the pennines

"I was chatting with a friend in the pub last night and the conversation got onto relationships as he has just started seeing someone.

He brought up a very interesting point and it got me wondering.

My last 3 long term relationships have been with ladies with issues, I am wondering if they are drawn to me because of my caring nature or I am drawn to then from some deep rooted desire to help.

You sound like my ex lol he always needed women he could fix and when they were no longer broken he lost interest! "
wasn't me that lost interest

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hypothesis. It’s not how much shit has happened to you that fucks you up, but how well you are able to cope with it?"

I guess to a certain point? Resilience is so important and that's something we can all work on. But, we all have a limit. And then we break and need to heal again and get that resilience back.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Everyone is damaged to some extent, some more than others simply due to exposure to the world with people the we interact with. The lasting affects can make or break us.

I think what a lot of people are doing is looking for someone to fix them, or make them feel whole. There was something about you that gravitated them to you such as your caring nature perhaps.

But broken people need to repair themselves first before even attempting to add a companion to their lives

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Show me someone who doesn't have issues."

I'm the flaming back catalogue of Vogue

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By *gent Coulson OP Man
over a year ago

Secret hideaway in the pennines

Hypothesis. It’s not how much shit has happened to you that fucks you up, but how well you are able to cope with it?

I guess to a certain point? Resilience is so important and that's something we can all work on. But, we all have a limit. And then we break and need to heal again and get that resilience back. "
in truth my last relationship destroyed my self confidence and has taken a long time to find my feet again

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

I had a ‘relationship’ with someone damaged from a childhood cruelty experience with a parent.

Much as I tried it didn’t make life better and at one point I actually found that I was being dragged into a roller coaster situation I had to get out of before it destroyed me!

I don’t have drama in my life and the experience left me avoiding drama whenever I see it coming and I can spot it a mile away! I wasn’t prepared for my life to be turned upside down because someone else couldn’t cope with theirs.

Sad and unfortunate that person will never find true happiness, even when it’s there infront of them.

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By *he FAB Social - MCRCouple (FF)
over a year ago

manchester

Hypothesis. It’s not how much shit has happened to you that fucks you up, but how well you are able to cope with it?

I guess to a certain point? Resilience is so important and that's something we can all work on. But, we all have a limit. And then we break and need to heal again and get that resilience back. in truth my last relationship destroyed my self confidence and has taken a long time to find my feet again "

That would ultimately happen I think though if you attracted those with deep issues. You can only give of yourself so much and then you start to be dragged down too x

Hope you’re doing a bit better now

Pixie

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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

From my experience most people have some form of emotional trauma or baggage they struggle to cope with that can invariably affect their relationships or ability to have one.

This is particularly true of fab.

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By *idnight RamblerMan
over a year ago

Pershore

Hypothesis. It’s not how much shit has happened to you that fucks you up, but how well you are able to cope with it?"

Absolutely. What person 'A' sees as an 'issue' might seem insignificant to person 'B', and so they respond differently. The interesting point is why? Is it nature (genes) or nurture (upbringing)?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am sure most of us have issues, most minor, some major. I know I do, but it's how we choose to deal with them. I like to think I am aware of mine, they affect only me, and I manage them without the help of anyone else. I know others who like to share their issues and that doesn't bother me as long as they are also helping themselves. I think the sharing part is just affirmation for them. There is almost a fashion to share though, and if you don't have many, create some so you can participate in the whole sharing is caring creed, which is an issue in itself!

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By *elkieWoman
over a year ago

Durham

Hypothesis. It’s not how much shit has happened to you that fucks you up, but how well you are able to cope with it?

Absolutely. What person 'A' sees as an 'issue' might seem insignificant to person 'B', and so they respond differently. The interesting point is why? Is it nature (genes) or nurture (upbringing)?"

I reckon it’s whether it is something related to your own issues or not? I absolutely cannot be around people who complain about work. It literally makes me ill - and that ties into past trauma. But for everyone else, it’s no big deal.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I was chatting with a friend in the pub last night and the conversation got onto relationships as he has just started seeing someone.

He brought up a very interesting point and it got me wondering.

My last 3 long term relationships have been with ladies with issues, I am wondering if they are drawn to me because of my caring nature or I am drawn to then from some deep rooted desire to help.

You sound like my ex lol he always needed women he could fix and when they were no longer broken he lost interest! wasn't me that lost interest "

Once fixed they often fly the nest leaving the fixer behind.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Truth is we are all a bit broken, we just need to choose the right glue to hold us together."

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By *ammo89Man
over a year ago

Aberdeen

We all have issues to contend with, of varying degrees. It's one of the challenges of any relationship: to navigate those issues together.

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

Everybody has some issues. If they haven’t they ate likely so shallow they just can’t see them or have no interest in dealing with reality. I have a pretty idealic life, several great relationships but still dealing with issues and brokenness, you live, you take risks, you experience pain.

What’s important is who much you are prepared to deal with from a potential lover , what resources and capacity you have and how much you want to give

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

"I was chatting with a friend in the pub last night and the conversation got onto relationships as he has just started seeing someone.

He brought up a very interesting point and it got me wondering.

My last 3 long term relationships have been with ladies with issues, I am wondering if they are drawn to me because of my caring nature or I am drawn to then from some deep rooted desire to help.

You sound like my ex lol he always needed women he could fix and when they were no longer broken he lost interest! wasn't me that lost interest

Once fixed they often fly the nest leaving the fixer behind.

KJ"

There’s nothing wrong with that , I’m happy to let them fly away in a much better shape

it’s nice if you gain a life long friend too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I was chatting with a friend in the pub last night and the conversation got onto relationships as he has just started seeing someone.

He brought up a very interesting point and it got me wondering.

My last 3 long term relationships have been with ladies with issues, I am wondering if they are drawn to me because of my caring nature or I am drawn to then from some deep rooted desire to help.

You sound like my ex lol he always needed women he could fix and when they were no longer broken he lost interest! wasn't me that lost interest "

Sorry meant you sound like him as in needing women he could fix not the latter part!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I was chatting with a friend in the pub last night and the conversation got onto relationships as he has just started seeing someone.

He brought up a very interesting point and it got me wondering.

My last 3 long term relationships have been with ladies with issues, I am wondering if they are drawn to me because of my caring nature or I am drawn to then from some deep rooted desire to help.

You sound like my ex lol he always needed women he could fix and when they were no longer broken he lost interest! wasn't me that lost interest

Once fixed they often fly the nest leaving the fixer behind.

There’s nothing wrong with that , I’m happy to let them fly away in a much better shape

it’s nice if you gain a life long friend too "

If that's how it all works out absolutely

I have a friend at work though who poured their soul into fixing someone. Once that person finally soured they left my friend (the fixer who loved them more than life) devastated and broken.

Funny how life works out.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I was chatting with a friend in the pub last night and the conversation got onto relationships as he has just started seeing someone.

He brought up a very interesting point and it got me wondering.

My last 3 long term relationships have been with ladies with issues, I am wondering if they are drawn to me because of my caring nature or I am drawn to then from some deep rooted desire to help.

You sound like my ex lol he always needed women he could fix and when they were no longer broken he lost interest! wasn't me that lost interest

Once fixed they often fly the nest leaving the fixer behind.

There’s nothing wrong with that , I’m happy to let them fly away in a much better shape

it’s nice if you gain a life long friend too

If that's how it all works out absolutely

I have a friend at work though who poured their soul into fixing someone. Once that person finally soured they left my friend (the fixer who loved them more than life) devastated and broken.

Funny how life works out.

KJ"

I think to an extent that's almost inevitable. The relationship is no longer the same. If you enter a relationship with the aim of fixing someone your aim ultimately is to change them, no matter how altruistic your motive there's an element of wanting them to be different to the person you met. On the other hand if you accept the person as they are and your aim is to grow and change together I think it stands a far greater chance of success. The old adage of 'never marry a man thinking you'll change him' could be changed to 'never enter into a relationship with a person thinking you'll change them' and still hold true today. If you don't love them as they are, you don't love them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Show me someone who doesn't have issues."

I have my own shoes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I was chatting with a friend in the pub last night and the conversation got onto relationships as he has just started seeing someone.

He brought up a very interesting point and it got me wondering.

My last 3 long term relationships have been with ladies with issues, I am wondering if they are drawn to me because of my caring nature or I am drawn to then from some deep rooted desire to help."

Both. And I should know.

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By *rontier PsychiatristMan
over a year ago

Coventry

I'm naturally a fixer by nature and it's a treble trait.

What I've learnt is the following rules:

Fix yourself, first and foremost. Be comfortable in your own skin and love yourself.

Only go with people who who are fixed or show capacity and desire to fix them selves.

Go with people who have good emotional intelligence and have grown as a person.

Go with people who have the ability to communicate honestly even when that honesty isn't always positive.

Simply it's no good being in the right place personally if you then pick someone who is not in the right place themselves. Both sides of a couple need to learn to love and understand themselves as an individual first. It doesn't work if only one of you is at that place or putting in the effort (not every in the right mental space to recognise or wants to love themselves).

Not to say it's not ok to be broken or not ok to have issues. Just make sure your in the right place for a relationship first and choose someone who is likewise or showing the sign that they are getting to the right place.

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

From what I know about you, I would guess you are drawn to the wounded. You have a big heart.

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

I try to avoid those relationships, fixing people is not healthy for me and it took a long time for me to realise that.

I only look for mutual nurturing relationships on here and Irl

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

"I am wondering if they are drawn to me because of my caring nature or I am drawn to then from some deep rooted desire to help."

Yes to both, and its not always healthy especially if boundaries are not established.

Caretaker personality types focus all of their energy to taking care of the emotional needs of someone else.

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

"I'm naturally a fixer by nature and it's a treble trait.

What I've learnt is the following rules:

Fix yourself, first and foremost. Be comfortable in your own skin and love yourself.

Only go with people who who are fixed or show capacity and desire to fix them selves.

Go with people who have good emotional intelligence and have grown as a person.

Go with people who have the ability to communicate honestly even when that honesty isn't always positive.

I think I agree with most of what you said. It’s not a terrible trait though , it’s a responsibility to use gifts sure , but you can also choose to refrain from fixing things (and people) or you can inspire , mentor and influence people them to fix themselves which is much more important skill

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe I brake people????

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is it just that as we age we all get issues?

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

"Is it just that as we age we all get issues?"

No. Not all of the people who have responsibility for children should be parents

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By *he FAB Social - MCRCouple (FF)
over a year ago

manchester

"I'm naturally a fixer by nature and it's a treble trait.

What I've learnt is the following rules:

Fix yourself, first and foremost. Be comfortable in your own skin and love yourself.

Only go with people who who are fixed or show capacity and desire to fix them selves.

Go with people who have good emotional intelligence and have grown as a person.

Go with people who have the ability to communicate honestly even when that honesty isn't always positive.

I agree with some of this. Through the mist of my ‘brokenness’ I have met people who were exactly the same as myself and although lovely people, two persons trying to fix themselves from the bottom up really doesn’t work.

I tend to hide my thoughts, a learnt behaviour I guess but a couple of men have made such an impact that they just know without asking where I’m at. Again these are not intimate male friends but ones I cherish very much.

I’m very happy at the moment with where I am but I know that can change really fast if I meet the ‘wrong’ person

Pixie

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Is it just that as we age we all get issues?"

Every person on the planet has issues of some description. Some are so small that they have little impact on them or anyone else others are huge and impact greatly on their life

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By *ohn KanakaMan
over a year ago

Not all that North of North London

"Is it just that as we age we all get issues?"

I was a mess before I was a teenager and drinking heavily by 17

I don't think I'm unusual for my generation. There was no talk of mental health and no support when I was younger. Maybe the problems manifest themselves more as we age but they definitely don't start later in life

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We all have issues or baggage in one form or another and the older we get the more baggage we have more often than not.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What are some examples of these "issues" that we're all supposed to have? If I do have any "issues" there are certainly none that I give a crap about, or even think about on a regular basis.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What are some examples of these "issues" that we're all supposed to have? If I do have any "issues" there are certainly none that I give a crap about, or even think about on a regular basis."

Well everybody has a past and that shapes us as humans.

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By *ohn KanakaMan
over a year ago

Not all that North of North London

"What are some examples of these "issues" that we're all supposed to have? If I do have any "issues" there are certainly none that I give a crap about, or even think about on a regular basis."

Lucky you

I think most people recognise thst mental health is an issue for many of us though

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By *moothCriminal_xMan
over a year ago

Redditch

People who treated relationships as disposable conveniences in their 20s become a bit of a mess by 35 unless they properly commit in theor early 30s. People who stay with non commited persons to try and rescue them or change them end up harming themselves and distrusting everyone they meet. I ended up comforting a lass who hates her husband ive only met twice and messaged a few times before she rejected me, only for her to msg me 2 years laster asking to come round and burst into tears on me. She just wanted comfort for the night. It was a bit odd but confirmed my idea that people who were or are i toxic relationships out of fear of bei g alone end up a wreck and then probably make bad choices about gow to escape - out of the frying pa and into the fryer.

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

"What are some examples of these "issues" that we're all supposed to have? If I do have any "issues" there are certainly none that I give a crap about, or even think about on a regular basis."

Maybe someone stole your sweets in the playground and you’ve never forgiven them and now you hold onto material things just a bit too tightly ?

That’s a generic example, it’s not one I have or one you have.

If you can’t identify any it probably doesn’t apply to you. Why would you want specific examples of other peoples ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What are some examples of these "issues" that we're all supposed to have? If I do have any "issues" there are certainly none that I give a crap about, or even think about on a regular basis.

Lucky you

I think most people recognise thst mental health is an issue for many of us though "

I guess some of it may be luck, but a lot of it is down to hard work, planning and coping. I recognise that mental health is an issue for many people. Not for me though.

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"I try to avoid those relationships, fixing people is not healthy for me and it took a long time for me to realise that.

I only look for mutual nurturing relationships on here and Irl

Agree with this. I’m not interested in fixing anyone and I don’t need to be fixed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What are some examples of these "issues" that we're all supposed to have? If I do have any "issues" there are certainly none that I give a crap about, or even think about on a regular basis.

Lucky you

I think most people recognise thst mental health is an issue for many of us though

I guess some of it may be luck, but a lot of it is down to hard work, planning and coping. I recognise that mental health is an issue for many people. Not for me though."

It's not necessarily about mental health though. Some people have personalities or learn behaviours the other struggled cope with and would define as "issues"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What are some examples of these "issues" that we're all supposed to have? If I do have any "issues" there are certainly none that I give a crap about, or even think about on a regular basis.

Maybe someone stole your sweets in the playground and you’ve never forgiven them and now you hold onto material things just a bit too tightly ?

That’s a generic example, it’s not one I have or one you have.

If you can’t identify any it probably doesn’t apply to you. Why would you want specific examples of other peoples ?"

I wasn't really after specific issues pertaining to an individual, I was just questioning the "everyone has issues" thing. I don't think I do.

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

I've been a carer since the age of 12 and have always instinctively reached out to help anyone who was struggling and that carried over into chatting online.

In the past I've been too quick to try and help without any thought of how it was affecting me and because of that I naturally attracted people who needed someone to lean on.

I could never find a balance but that changed to some degree about 7 years ago and moreso in the last 3 or 4 years.

All that baggage I had carried for years turned out to be mostly other people's baggage.

I know now that as good as I am at helping people I can do that without carrying their load.

I had to fix myself before I could see that and now I don't try to fix people but I walk beside them while they fix themselves.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What are some examples of these "issues" that we're all supposed to have? If I do have any "issues" there are certainly none that I give a crap about, or even think about on a regular basis.

Well everybody has a past and that shapes us as humans. "

I agree with your post, but is this an "issue"? It seems to me that people see "issues" as negatives when they could also be positives. I suppose it depends on what ones definition of an "issue" is though.

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By *aiseiMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

"My last 3 long term relationships have been with ladies with issues, I am wondering if they are drawn to me because of my caring nature or I am drawn to then from some deep rooted desire to help."

Probably both, based on personal experience.

Also based on personal experience, stop it and never do it again. I had my head well and truly fucked by someone I thought I could ‘save’ and I’ve never been the same since in a couple of respects.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What are some examples of these "issues" that we're all supposed to have? If I do have any "issues" there are certainly none that I give a crap about, or even think about on a regular basis.

Well everybody has a past and that shapes us as humans.

The difference is important, but it's a matter of personal interpretation. Being self aware may not be the same as having 'issues'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Show me someone who doesn't have issues."

This

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By *iaisonseekerMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

"Truth is the world breaks everyone. But after, some are strong in the broken places."

Ernest Hemingway

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By *inkyInkedBiWoman
over a year ago

I think most people have some kind of ‘issues’

Like someone said above it shouldn’t always seen as a bad thing.

To me it shows a life lived.

A part of me will be forever broken after losing my husband, but I don’t need anyone to fix me nor do I want it.

Hate the ‘baggage’ label too. People describe kids as baggage - no it’s just a part of life, people have kids, relationships fall apart etc

For info my kids will never be baggage. They rock

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's normal?

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Everyone should learn about their adult attachment style. Don't go diagnosing someone else's, though. This is about understanding how you relate to and behave with others.

We all have the capacity to change, if we want to.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No one is broken, and I don’t like the term.

We all have thought processes that might need adjusting, or ways of being that could be transformed.

Relationships can be transformative, if done in a healthy way, with growing and healing each other, not with one feeling like they are ‘fixing’ another.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" I am wondering if they are drawn to me because of my caring nature or I am drawn to then from some deep rooted desire to help."

Or both.

I'm wondering the same about my self

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" I had my head well and truly fucked by someone I thought I could ‘save’ and I’ve never been the same since in a couple of respects."

I've literally just come out of that and don't think ill be the same either

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

"No one is broken, and I don’t like the term.

We all have thought processes that might need adjusting, or ways of being that could be transformed.

Relationships can be transformative, if done in a healthy way, with growing and healing each other, not with one feeling like they are ‘fixing’ another. "

You’re right, the people I’m drawn to definitely impart things on me, that I want otherwise I wouldn’t bother. If it’s one way it wouldn’t work.

But I’m okay with being a little broken , it’s just a word!

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