FabSwingers.com forum: Learning...

By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

someone new.

We all have to do it, whether we're fucking, talking, working with someone...

How good are you? Would you say you find it easy to understand the spoken and unspoken word? Are you more of a just go with it kind of person or do you make an effort to know someone?

And how easy do you think you are to be learnt?

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

[Removed by poster at 23/07/22 15:44:04]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m a simple creature that needs no real instructions, and is very easy to learn.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think im hard to read because my moods and mind change around a lot generally just trying to bring back my funny bones but i can seem very vague and undecided about everything

As for learning other people i think i get to know people quite easy i dont press for every detail and try to rely on the energy im getting back more than information sharing for my own brain protection

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

Being as I detest small talk, especially work small talk, I usually tend to try and avoid.

I wouldn't say I was good at it.

I think some people you just vibe with easier and some people you don't. Some people are harder work and others are easy.

I should probably focus and work on improving this.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've always been good at reading people and knowing what they need from me. I also let them decide on how much they want to share and don't get too personal unless the relationship goes that way naturally.

There's only a couple of people who truely know me inside and out but that's by choice. I'm not that easy to read and will only let someone get to know me once they have earned some kind of trust between us.

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

I’m not easy to be learnt!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've always been good at reading people and knowing what they need from me. I also let them decide on how much they want to share and don't get too personal unless the relationship goes that way naturally.

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By *onb21Woman
over a year ago

Cardiff

No, I do not make an effort to get to know someone new since I'm lonely. People who aren't lonely won't relate to this, but we put people off so we have to moderate ourselves and tread very carefully. I'm always open and chatty with anyone though and happy for them to tell me about themselves.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sometimes my naivety is my weakness and I’ll take people at their word.

I can actually over read a situation especially in text as it has no emotion or feeling.

I am easy to learn. My face says it all

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

Very good at reading people if I'm into them, I need to be focused or I'll not bother.

Read me....not a chance.

I'll show them what I want them to see but I won't let them in until I feel secure with them.

It's a learned behaviour I've had to do since childhood and not one I'm looking to change

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

I'm fairly good at figuring people out in the flesh. Online I'm pretty abysmal at in all honesty. And that is probably the same for me, I'm far more open and easier to get in real life, the written word and me aren't best of friends and it shows.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"I’m a simple creature that needs no real instructions, and is very easy to learn."

Yeah, I get that from you. You tend to just say what you think, simple. Easy to understand. Are you good at reading others?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends on the pairing doesn't, as with everything else.

I think if you are invested enough, no one is an enigma wrapped in a blanket of mystery. Not to burst any bubbles, mine included, but everyone is a book that's easily read. It's a question of cognition to all the information available and the desire to turn the pages and keep reading, even when it's uncomfortable, perhaps especially then.

And remember, much like with real books, there's no harm in stopping and putting it down if you aren't enjoying it. You're not lazy, but running on a higher level of efficiency... least, that's what I tell myself, more so when watching the film instead...

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"I think im hard to read because my moods and mind change around a lot generally just trying to bring back my funny bones but i can seem very vague and undecided about everything

You do fall back on humour a lot but that's not a bad thing is it? There's a lot to be said for not pressing for every detail - not always easy to do but it gives people a chance to unfurl naturally with you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm reasonably good at reading people and have been told I have a calming effect so I find people open up to me when they might not necessarily with new people.

I find learning about new people very interesting as well. We've all got stories right

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’m a simple creature that needs no real instructions, and is very easy to learn.

Yeah, I get that from you. You tend to just say what you think, simple. Easy to understand. Are you good at reading others? "

I have no idea to be honest. I spend very little time in strangers company these days. I have very few people to call friends , so I never really get opportunity to ‘read’ a person.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think im hard to read because my moods and mind change around a lot generally just trying to bring back my funny bones but i can seem very vague and undecided about everything

unfurl i like that word reminds me of lazy leg speading

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’m not easy to be learnt!

Extensive study and research brings its own rewards

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"Being as I detest small talk, especially work small talk, I usually tend to try and avoid.

I wouldn't say I was good at it.

I think some people you just vibe with easier and some people you don't. Some people are harder work and others are easy.

I should probably focus and work on improving this. "

Yeah, how compatible you are with someone definitely affects how easily you can learn a person.

Why do you think you need to improve on it? Not everyone is a small talk people person.

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

"Being as I detest small talk, especially work small talk, I usually tend to try and avoid.

I wouldn't say I was good at it.

I think some people you just vibe with easier and some people you don't. Some people are harder work and others are easy.

I should probably focus and work on improving this.

Yeah, how compatible you are with someone definitely affects how easily you can learn a person.

Why do you think you need to improve on it? Not everyone is a small talk people person."

That's a good point. You see those chatty people and you think that's the norm and you're a bit weird if you're not that. But there are different types of people, sometimes I forget to remind myself of that.

I think it would make my life a bit easier if I was better at it though.

Like when you get lumped with someone. I've got a trainee next year so I'll be spending lots of time with him. The work part is fine. But I'll be a bit stressed about the lunch and break chit chat!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm pretty good at getting someone talking online or off, but reading them is much harder for me. I think some people will find me very easy to learn, but with men I am very wary and prickly at times.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"No, I do not make an effort to get to know someone new since I'm lonely. People who aren't lonely won't relate to this, but we put people off so we have to moderate ourselves and tread very carefully. I'm always open and chatty with anyone though and happy for them to tell me about themselves. "

I don't think being guarded is solely the remit of the remit - treading carefully and moderating is what we do when we don't want to open up, potentially be vulnerable. It's easier to listen sometimes isn't it? Taking an active interest in the other person is enjoyable and doesn't require you putting yourself on the line.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"Sometimes my naivety is my weakness and I’ll take people at their word.

I can actually over read a situation especially in text as it has no emotion or feeling.

I am easy to learn. My face says it all "

Text can be a difficult format to navigate - I sometimes overread unless people are very clear. Explicitly so! I think learning how to convey exactly what you mean and interpreting what someone means is a skill. A tricky one.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m an enigma wrapped in Borderline Personality disorder. No one, least of all myself has a handle on me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m very hard to read! I’m a hard one I have to admit.

Being that I’m studying forensic psychology I would like to think that I’m excellent at reading people seeing as it will be my job

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m good at reading people and adjusting how I act accordingly.

Some people get the full me and some get a watered down version.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How good are you? Would you say you find it easy to understand the spoken and unspoken word? Are you more of a just go with it kind of person or do you make an effort to know someone?

And how easy do you think you are to be learnt? "

I love to get to know people by perusing them like a Caravaggio….It’s always interesting to learn from people’s quirks and whatnots. Also the challenges of the things that can’t be unfolded. Love it, I think I’m good at it.

About me… I like openness, nakedness. I’m not afraid of showing vulnerability, so I think it’s easy to get to know me….but I can be mysterious sometimes.

Above all, I think It can be draining over masking or pretending, which at a certain point of our lives, depending on the situations, we all do. But at my age I’m happy to show my colours unapologetically….

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"Very good at reading people if I'm into them, I need to be focused or I'll not bother.

Read me....not a chance.

I'll show them what I want them to see but I won't let them in until I feel secure with them.

It's a learned behaviour I've had to do since childhood and not one I'm looking to change

Do you ever think you might read someone based on your experiences so you might not actually be?

In the same way you think people won't read you, maybe you only read what people want you to read.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’m very hard to read! I’m a hard one I have to admit.

Being that I’m studying forensic psychology I would like to think that I’m excellent at reading people seeing as it will be my job

Is that sussing out dead people?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’m very hard to read! I’m a hard one I have to admit.

Being that I’m studying forensic psychology I would like to think that I’m excellent at reading people seeing as it will be my job

Is that sussing out dead people? "

Nope it’s working with people who have committed crimes and seeing if there fit to stand trials - it’s more complex than that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh Meli. I just said today how hard I find projecting what I’m trying to say. I type and hit send. I’d much rather talk face to face to show how I prefer to interact. Because I prefer to not be trying to get to know people by text. It’s aweful.

I find it difficult to express myself well this way.

And with that in mind, I also read far to much into peoples text, because I do t have context, or mannerisms to read, which again, that’s what makes me like it learn people.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’m very hard to read! I’m a hard one I have to admit.

Being that I’m studying forensic psychology I would like to think that I’m excellent at reading people seeing as it will be my job

Is that sussing out dead people?

Nope it’s working with people who have committed crimes and seeing if there fit to stand trials - it’s more complex than that "

Ahhh right. Very cool.

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

I'm good enough that if I'm having to spend lots of time with them, I can learn enough so that we rub along nicely.

I'm fairly straightforward to learn

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I generally get on well with people and find if you're open and considerate to them they respond well. I'm quite happy to open up about myself as far as talking and I find it easy to be friendly but only at a superficial level - there are very few people I know who I would be sad if they were suddenly abducted by aliens.

I have no idea how good I am at understanding others and would feel presumptuous to assume I was good at it without feedback. I know I'm very good at reading her ladyship because she tells me so but it doesn't tend to be a subject that comes up with many others

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

I’m better in person, say in a work setting, because you can take your time, you’re not being bombarded with details all in one go. And I prefer to get to know people slowly, there is no rush.

That said, I don’t ask questions. I find questions exhausting. I prefer to listen to people chat about their life, their likes and make a mental not of the details. It’s less formal and you get to see what makes someone light up inside (or not).

I’m very shy and introverted and as I say, being asked lots of questions makes me back off. I’m a very slow burner in opening up to people, but when I do (if I do), then it’s probably overly sprinkled with too much information.

It probably makes me appear as disinterested in folk, but I’m not, I just prefer chatty folk who talk so I can take the information in. But also, they kind of have to know when to stop chatting.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been described as an enigma

A fat one but an enigma all the same

Go figure.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"Depends on the pairing doesn't, as with everything else.

Oh I don't know, you're quite the brooding enigmatic tortured soul...

I do like the book analogy, it works very well here.

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By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline

Fairly chatty. Will probably talk to you more than jumping in bed with you

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

"I’m not easy to be learnt!

Extensive study and research brings its own rewards

Yes hopefully one day

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

"someone new.

We all have to do it, whether we're fucking, talking, working with someone...

How good are you? Would you say you find it easy to understand the spoken and unspoken word? Are you more of a just go with it kind of person or do you make an effort to know someone?

And how easy do you think you are to be learnt? "

With what we do, going with the flow can lead to bad things happening.

I try and learn as much as I can before we get down to things, then its about learning how they and their body reacts to certain stimuli.

I think I can read some situations quite well during a scene.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Making yourself open and a little vulnerable can often mean you get to see a different side of others though. Give a little, get a little, and I don't mean that in a grasping way. I've found that if I share a little of myself, I gain much insight and there's more intimacy and knowledge.

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By *oeBeansMan
over a year ago

Derby

Not really, I find if they want to talk about something then they will. I'm not going to ask them questions in case they find it invasive and also, quite frankly, it's none of my business.

They could touch on a subject and I'll ask them questions about it to explore more but I'm sure they wouldn't talk about it if they didn't already want to

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It can take me a long time to feel comfortable with someone. I like listening, people are fascinating to me, and I think I can read them fairly well. It doesn't make interacting with someone easier though. Being spectrummy means small talk doesn't come naturally and in the past I've been guilty of diving straight into the gritty stuff and over sharing. Experience has made me more guarded, but I'm still inclined to be open and receptive. My face reveals everything, I'd be a crap poker player.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oooh Meli, your threads do get me thinking.

I'm rubbish at reading people to be honest. I think everyone is me but in a different body - does that make sense? (I have been drinking prosecco so it might just be nonsense.)

But I always get a shock when people do something that I wouldn't do because I don't expect people to think or do things that I don't. Like I find it weird because not everyone behaves or thinks like I do. I suppose I'm quite self centred in that respect. Although once I get to know someone, I can read them better.

I think I'm quite easy to read. I have the things I like (running, sex and food) and I'm usually thinking about them so it's fairly easy to know me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I love it when I meet people who are a lot like me. It makes my life so much easier.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Oooh Meli, your threads do get me thinking.

I'm rubbish at reading people to be honest. I think everyone is me but in a different body - does that make sense? (I have been drinking prosecco so it might just be nonsense.)

I think I'm quite easy to read. I have the things I like (running, sex and food) and I'm usually thinking about them so it's fairly easy to know me. "

I think we all do this to a certain extent. It's why we find it frustrating when someone disagrees with us when we are so obviously right. As soon as you accept that they see things totally differently to usabd they are working from a totally different set of assumptions, it becomes less frustrating and easier to try to empathise.

It's something you have to be very mindful of when training because explaining in a way that seems obvious can leave other people completely mystified.

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By *ohn KanakaMan
over a year ago

Not all that North of North London

Im a bit shit at most things thst include other people.

I'm quite happy with an uncomfortable silence rather than make small talk if I'm not feeling comfortable around people. I regularly hide (both physically and metaphorically) behind my partner when socialising.

People who I warm to, I'll over share and hopefully not scare them off!

But I also can be crap at maintening contact with people and definitely sabotage friendships that way.

I'm aware from what friends have told me and from what my partner tells me that I'm a lot more likeable than I realise and equally that I'm liked by a lot more people than I realise. I'm also told that I can be personable, engaging and funny but I honestly think that's only on a good day...

I guess in short I'm a bit complicated

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

Meli, I'm 60 years old and can be educated off teenagers

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am a closed book most of the time ..I think its very hard to get to know me

I'm not that great at reading other people.. I'm a bit socially awkward i think

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

How good are you? Would you say you find it easy to understand the spoken and unspoken word? Are you more of a just go with it kind of person or do you make an effort to know someone?

And how easy do you think you are to be learnt?

About me… I like openness, nakedness. I’m not afraid of showing vulnerability, so I think it’s easy to get to know me….but I can be mysterious sometimes.

It is draining to mask or conceal who we are. Plus we're not giving people a chance to really know who we are, warts and all if we mask how we feel. We're saying, I don't trust you in a peculiar way. That's understandable, our past experiences might shape how we respond to others. How willing we are to be learned by others.

I'm still at the slightly afraid of showing vulnerability, it requires opening up to a certain extent. Making yourself so.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"Oh Meli. I just said today how hard I find projecting what I’m trying to say. I type and hit send. I’d much rather talk face to face to show how I prefer to interact. Because I prefer to not be trying to get to know people by text. It’s aweful.

I find it difficult to express myself well this way.

And with that in mind, I also read far to much into peoples text, because I do t have context, or mannerisms to read, which again, that’s what makes me like it learn people.

Ah Woody! Yes, it's far easier to communicate face to face, you have a live response, can read how they really feel without filtering and editing. You get to see the little mannerisms, tells that make someone come alive, that personable connection is important.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It is draining to mask or conceal who we are. Plus we're not giving people a chance to really know who we are,

Do you think people wouldn't like the real you ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've always struggled reading the signs that a women is interested in me. Several times, my friends (male and female) have said to me ' you know she fancies you don't you?', usually after we've parted company!

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"I’m better in person, say in a work setting, because you can take your time, you’re not being bombarded with details all in one go. And I prefer to get to know people slowly, there is no rush.

It probably makes me appear as disinterested in folk, but I’m not, I just prefer chatty folk who talk so I can take the information in. But also, they kind of have to know when to stop chatting.

Ah the slow burner! I'm similar. Takes a lot for me to open up, little for me to close down. If I do open up fully I share a lot but it's very rare. Actually not even very rare. Near unlikely, only a couple of people in my many long years. I prefer to not be the focus of attention so tend to divert that.

What you've said makes a lot of sense, it's probably far more organic to allow people to talk freely then you can take in the information pressure free, process it at your own speed. I sometimes lean towards asking too many questions - I'm naturally curious and rather direct, if I want to know something and understand it better than I'll ask. But people are nuanced and complicated and maybe the best way to learn someone is to allow them to open up and talk in the style best suited to them. Natural.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"someone new.

We all have to do it, whether we're fucking, talking, working with someone...

How good are you? Would you say you find it easy to understand the spoken and unspoken word? Are you more of a just go with it kind of person or do you make an effort to know someone?

And how easy do you think you are to be learnt?

With what we do, going with the flow can lead to bad things happening.

I try and learn as much as I can before we get down to things, then its about learning how they and their body reacts to certain stimuli.

I think I can read some situations quite well during a scene.

How do you learn about a person before you get down to things Fet?

Going with the flow isn't always advised, definite time and place for it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I definitely find it ahrd to understand people and in turn people find it hard to understand me. I think my mind just works in a different way to everyone else. It's great wjen you finally do meet people that think in the same ways as you though.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"Oooh Meli, your threads do get me thinking.

I'm rubbish at reading people to be honest. I think everyone is me but in a different body - does that make sense? (I have been drinking prosecco so it might just be nonsense.)

I think I'm quite easy to read. I have the things I like (running, sex and food) and I'm usually thinking about them so it's fairly easy to know me. "

Why can't more people feed my ego effortlessly? Thank you.

Yes, I get that surprise as well. It is rather self focused to think like that isn't it? It's the same in the way people respond - I sometimes imagine they'll be similar to me but that's dismissive. Absurd. Reminding myself that people are different and there's not a right or wrong way to respond (to nth degree) helps me check myself and my response to them. Plus, the myriad of ways people respond/behave is fascinating.

I suppose in work I get used to identifying certain behaviours. I'm good at predicting it on the whole, on being astute and identifying behaviours. On a personal level I'm still learning and growing so have to remind myself it's not quite as easy.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"Im a bit shit at most things thst include other people.

People who I warm to, I'll over share and hopefully not scare them off!

But I also can be crap at maintening contact with people and definitely sabotage friendships that way.

I guess in short I'm a bit complicated

There's nothing wrong with being a bit complicated, the best people are, John.

Have you heard of info dumping? I thought it was one of my weird quirks but Nelly said it was a thing (spectrum friendships are a lot easier!). So I did some reading on it and it fitted. When I get to a point where I'm very comfortable I definitely do that but it's not often I do. Look it up, you'll probably find it resonates a lot.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"It is draining to mask or conceal who we are. Plus we're not giving people a chance to really know who we are,

Do you think people wouldn't like the real you ? "

I don't know if this is a directed question or a general application of you but...

I wouldn't say I mask who I am. I tend to show the easier to digest sides more readily. Maybe people wouldn't like the real me? Like the full Meli. Who knows? I don't tend to think about that often, it's more, I don't like being vulnerable with another. It requires a level of intimacy and can lead to me thinking perhaps I'm a bit too me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It takes me ages to learn a new person. I have little self awareness so figuring other people out Ake's time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It takes me ages to learn a new person. I have little self awareness so figuring other people out Ake's time."

And so does spelling the word "takes" apparently.

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By *UGGYBEAR2015Man
over a year ago

BRIDPORT

For the most part I don’t usually bother trying to learn people.

Initially I just take them at face value, if they aren’t what they appear they will show their true colours soon enough, without me having expended time and effort.

Do I sound a tad cynical?

It must be the onset of old age

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"For the most part I don’t usually bother trying to learn people.

Initially I just take them at face value, if they aren’t what they appear they will show their true colours soon enough, without me having expended time and effort.

Do I sound a tad cynical?

It must be the onset of old age

It's realistic and knowledgeable. Not cynical or old.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"It takes me ages to learn a new person. I have little self awareness so figuring other people out Ake's time.

And so does spelling the word "takes" apparently."

Takes is too complicated before 9am on a Sunday, don't blame you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It takes me ages to learn a new person. I have little self awareness so figuring other people out Ake's time.

And so does spelling the word "takes" apparently.

Takes is too complicated before 9am on a Sunday, don't blame you.

Thaks

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"It can take me a long time to feel comfortable with someone. I like listening, people are fascinating to me, and I think I can read them fairly well. It doesn't make interacting with someone easier though. Being spectrummy means small talk doesn't come naturally and in the past I've been guilty of diving straight into the gritty stuff and over sharing. Experience has made me more guarded, but I'm still inclined to be open and receptive. My face reveals everything, I'd be a crap poker player."

Hello Nelly

Your face is so expressive! But why would you want to be a poker player anyway? It's good to be inclined to being open and receptive, it's how you can learn more about others and them you. You build relationships from it, authentic ones that mean something.

I'm still working on saying hello and following small talk protocol with people rather than diving straight into what I want to say. I did it ^ there!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hello Nelly

I'm still working on saying hello and following small talk protocol with people rather than diving straight into what I want to say. I did it ^ there!"

Hello Meli!

Lots of love

Nelly xx

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By *KG12Couple
over a year ago

Burnley

OH says I'm like a book, easy to read, but hard to put down.

I'm a what you see is what you get type person.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

Hello Nelly

I'm still working on saying hello and following small talk protocol with people rather than diving straight into what I want to say. I did it ^ there!

Hello Meli!

Lots of love

Nelly xx"

Hello Nelly!

Lots of love! Awww, I'm touched. It's a warm day today, isn't it?

With love and hugs

Meli xx

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By *ohn KanakaMan
over a year ago

Not all that North of North London

"Im a bit shit at most things thst include other people.

People who I warm to, I'll over share and hopefully not scare them off!

But I also can be crap at maintening contact with people and definitely sabotage friendships that way.

I guess in short I'm a bit complicated

There's nothing wrong with being a bit complicated, the best people are, John.

Yes, I know it and it resonates a LOT!

All part of my 7 month crash course in making it to 50 before in realised I was ND

Honestly, the biggest revelation has been realising why I struggle so much with people but accepting that has also made dealing with people so much easier!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My neurodiversity can make it difficult for me to read between the lines!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"someone new.

We all have to do it, whether we're fucking, talking, working with someone...

How good are you? Would you say you find it easy to understand the spoken and unspoken word? Are you more of a just go with it kind of person or do you make an effort to know someone?

And how easy do you think you are to be learnt? "

We both love to know people. So for us we prefer the polyamorous side of life and to have regular play partners to compliment our primary partner (each other). We're not interested in the 1 time plays. We feel we want to know the person we fuck so we can have a connection which we feel for us aids the sex

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