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"Have you ever had one? In terms of fab or meeting or sexually etc? Was it a phase? I’m having one now and I have no idea why. I’ve never been super confident but wouldn’t describe myself as insecure in myself…well not usually anyway "Honestly, I think it's really normal. I am a realist & I know my body is pretty rubbish, but I try to look at myself through the eyes of those who appreciate it & focus on the compliments I get. Nobody is harder on us than we are of ourselves & we all see beauty in others that they don't necessarily recognise in themselves. I hope you can see yourself as others see you & remember how amazing you are x | |||
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"Have you ever had one? In terms of fab or meeting or sexually etc? Was it a phase? I’m having one now and I have no idea why. I’ve never been super confident but wouldn’t describe myself as insecure in myself…well not usually anyway
Honestly, I think it's really normal. I am a realist & I know my body is pretty rubbish, but I try to look at myself through the eyes of those who appreciate it & focus on the compliments I get.
Nobody is harder on us than we are of ourselves & we all see beauty in others that they don't necessarily recognise in themselves.
I hope you can see yourself as others see you & remember how amazing you are x"I've just looked at your pictures and I think you have a lovely body | |||
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"Yes totally OP I am going through one now and it’s close to making me leave this site altogether. I am very secure in who I am and my abilities in my personal life and have great friends who have always been there for me but recently my confidence in this site has taken a battering. Do I actually fit in? Over the last few months I have had some not so thinly vailed comments thrown at me, the efforts I go to for the pics I take I struggle to get into double figures for fabs, never on a hot list thread, rarely even noticed on any other thread and other than true friends my inbox is a useless feature. Yes this may seems like a moan but eventually you start to believe the evidence that is constantly put in front of you. I hope your confidence returns soon OP as it’s not a nice feeling when you doubt everything fab related " Honestly, does the forum and people you don’t know really effect you that much? Being on a hotlist or mentioned on threads. I’ve been on here for a few years now. I’m pretty much ignored on the forums. I don’t get mentioned. What matters is in the real world. Not getting picked out on here or noticed on here really shouldn’t bothered you like that. | |||
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"Yes totally OP I am going through one now and it’s close to making me leave this site altogether. I am very secure in who I am and my abilities in my personal life and have great friends who have always been there for me but recently my confidence in this site has taken a battering. Do I actually fit in? Over the last few months I have had some not so thinly vailed comments thrown at me, the efforts I go to for the pics I take I struggle to get into double figures for fabs, never on a hot list thread, rarely even noticed on any other thread and other than true friends my inbox is a useless feature. Yes this may seems like a moan but eventually you start to believe the evidence that is constantly put in front of you. I hope your confidence returns soon OP as it’s not a nice feeling when you doubt everything fab related Honestly, does the forum and people you don’t know really effect you that much? Being on a hotlist or mentioned on threads. I’ve been on here for a few years now. I’m pretty much ignored on the forums. I don’t get mentioned. What matters is in the real world. Not getting picked out on here or noticed on here really shouldn’t bothered you like that. " It’s the constant toxicity towards me that gets to me. I know where I am not wanted and that leaves me with 2 choices. Quit or accept it. By accepting you are then training people on how to treat you | |||
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"Yes totally OP I am going through one now and it’s close to making me leave this site altogether. I am very secure in who I am and my abilities in my personal life and have great friends who have always been there for me but recently my confidence in this site has taken a battering. Do I actually fit in? Over the last few months I have had some not so thinly vailed comments thrown at me, the efforts I go to for the pics I take I struggle to get into double figures for fabs, never on a hot list thread, rarely even noticed on any other thread and other than true friends my inbox is a useless feature. Yes this may seems like a moan but eventually you start to believe the evidence that is constantly put in front of you. I hope your confidence returns soon OP as it’s not a nice feeling when you doubt everything fab related Honestly, does the forum and people you don’t know really effect you that much? Being on a hotlist or mentioned on threads. I’ve been on here for a few years now. I’m pretty much ignored on the forums. I don’t get mentioned. What matters is in the real world. Not getting picked out on here or noticed on here really shouldn’t bothered you like that. It’s the constant toxicity towards me that gets to me. I know where I am not wanted and that leaves me with 2 choices. Quit or accept it. By accepting you are then training people on how to treat you " Mate trust me on this, I have been where you are now, take a break. And I mean a good break, a year minimum. This place should not affect you in the real world in a negative manner. There are millions of women, couples who are not on this site and they are getting laid  | |||
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"Yes totally OP I am going through one now and it’s close to making me leave this site altogether. I am very secure in who I am and my abilities in my personal life and have great friends who have always been there for me but recently my confidence in this site has taken a battering. Do I actually fit in? Over the last few months I have had some not so thinly vailed comments thrown at me, the efforts I go to for the pics I take I struggle to get into double figures for fabs, never on a hot list thread, rarely even noticed on any other thread and other than true friends my inbox is a useless feature. Yes this may seems like a moan but eventually you start to believe the evidence that is constantly put in front of you. I hope your confidence returns soon OP as it’s not a nice feeling when you doubt everything fab related Honestly, does the forum and people you don’t know really effect you that much? Being on a hotlist or mentioned on threads. I’ve been on here for a few years now. I’m pretty much ignored on the forums. I don’t get mentioned. What matters is in the real world. Not getting picked out on here or noticed on here really shouldn’t bothered you like that. It’s the constant toxicity towards me that gets to me. I know where I am not wanted and that leaves me with 2 choices. Quit or accept it. By accepting you are then training people on how to treat you " Or maybe change your attitude and outlook on this place. It’s so trivial it really is. I don’t think you will ever “train” people on here. I can’t imagine thats doing your popularity much good if that’s the way you think. I don’t really know your presence on here. But if your as needy as that sounded in your other post maybe it’s not the right place for you. Life’s far too short to be bothered about popularity on a swinging forum. | |||
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"Yes totally OP I am going through one now and it’s close to making me leave this site altogether. I am very secure in who I am and my abilities in my personal life and have great friends who have always been there for me but recently my confidence in this site has taken a battering. Do I actually fit in? Over the last few months I have had some not so thinly vailed comments thrown at me, the efforts I go to for the pics I take I struggle to get into double figures for fabs, never on a hot list thread, rarely even noticed on any other thread and other than true friends my inbox is a useless feature. Yes this may seems like a moan but eventually you start to believe the evidence that is constantly put in front of you. I hope your confidence returns soon OP as it’s not a nice feeling when you doubt everything fab related Honestly, does the forum and people you don’t know really effect you that much? Being on a hotlist or mentioned on threads. I’ve been on here for a few years now. I’m pretty much ignored on the forums. I don’t get mentioned. What matters is in the real world. Not getting picked out on here or noticed on here really shouldn’t bothered you like that. " | |||
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"Yes totally OP I am going through one now and it’s close to making me leave this site altogether. I am very secure in who I am and my abilities in my personal life and have great friends who have always been there for me but recently my confidence in this site has taken a battering. Do I actually fit in? Over the last few months I have had some not so thinly vailed comments thrown at me, the efforts I go to for the pics I take I struggle to get into double figures for fabs, never on a hot list thread, rarely even noticed on any other thread and other than true friends my inbox is a useless feature. Yes this may seems like a moan but eventually you start to believe the evidence that is constantly put in front of you. I hope your confidence returns soon OP as it’s not a nice feeling when you doubt everything fab related Honestly, does the forum and people you don’t know really effect you that much? Being on a hotlist or mentioned on threads. I’ve been on here for a few years now. I’m pretty much ignored on the forums. I don’t get mentioned. What matters is in the real world. Not getting picked out on here or noticed on here really shouldn’t bothered you like that. It’s the constant toxicity towards me that gets to me. I know where I am not wanted and that leaves me with 2 choices. Quit or accept it. By accepting you are then training people on how to treat you " If you feel like this,you should seriously think about taking a long break from here. It isn't real life,it is escapism. Go do things that make you happy and forget about fab and everyone on it. Noone should be feeling like you describe about being in any situation but especially an online one where lots are just being a version of themselves and you can't trust what is real. Take care and trust your own judgement xx | |||
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"My crisis is more about how my body works (or doesn't) rather than what it looks like. I have one fully functional leg. The left one is useless. It's weak, painful and is a constant source of irritation. My back and pelvis are falling to pieces. My womb is trying to fall out of my body. My left shoulder is also increasingly painful due to impingement but my shoulders are my method of locomotion (via wheelchair) so I can't rest it. There are so many things I want my body to do, but it cannot do anymore. I'd like a single pain free day. I'd like to be able to run and play football or something with my daughter. I'd like to climb on a climbing frame or go down a slide with her. I want to experience the world at a "normal" height, rather than at sitting height constantly. Basically, I don't like the fact my body doesn't work anymore. I'm not hugely sold on what it looks like either, but that's cosmetic. I've had to learn to try and stop berating myself for the failings of my body because no amount of inner criticism is going to change anything. I'd suggest that the same is true of other forms of negative self criticism. There's almost never any positive benefit to knocking yourself down, so try and talk to yourself in a way you might talk to a good friend. Would you knock them down, or build them up? Build yourself up and you might get your confidence back a bit. It's often hard to practice what you preach too!" What an inspirational, strong woman you are. 
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"My crisis is more about how my body works (or doesn't) rather than what it looks like. I have one fully functional leg. The left one is useless. It's weak, painful and is a constant source of irritation. My back and pelvis are falling to pieces. My womb is trying to fall out of my body. My left shoulder is also increasingly painful due to impingement but my shoulders are my method of locomotion (via wheelchair) so I can't rest it. There are so many things I want my body to do, but it cannot do anymore. I'd like a single pain free day. I'd like to be able to run and play football or something with my daughter. I'd like to climb on a climbing frame or go down a slide with her. I want to experience the world at a "normal" height, rather than at sitting height constantly. Basically, I don't like the fact my body doesn't work anymore. I'm not hugely sold on what it looks like either, but that's cosmetic. I've had to learn to try and stop berating myself for the failings of my body because no amount of inner criticism is going to change anything. I'd suggest that the same is true of other forms of negative self criticism. There's almost never any positive benefit to knocking yourself down, so try and talk to yourself in a way you might talk to a good friend. Would you knock them down, or build them up? Build yourself up and you might get your confidence back a bit. It's often hard to practice what you preach too! What an inspirational, strong woman you are.
"Agreed! I hope you’re well despite being in so much pain - we chatted last time I was on fab about social prescribing xx | |||
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"My confidence for meeting even for a coffee has gone. The thought of getting naked with anybody again is currently out of the question. I miss sex, kissing, parties, socials and clubs but, mentally, I don't think I can do it anymore. Cancer surgery is the culprit and my scars are horrible. "Sorry to read this. I really hope your treatment has been a huge success and that your confidence will return in time. | |||
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"Have you ever had one? In terms of fab or meeting or sexually etc? Was it a phase? I’m having one now and I have no idea why. I’ve never been super confid ent but wouldn’t describe myself as insecure in myself…well not usually anyway " | |||
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"Have you ever had one? In terms of fab or meeting or sexually etc? Was it a phase? I’m having one now and I have no idea why. I’ve never been super confident but wouldn’t describe myself as insecure in myself…well not usually anyway "Crisis of confidence happen to all of us and can happen at the most random of times, this site as others have said can crush your confidance one minute and raise it up the next. Myself personally I have had this happen and it will probably happen again especially being an average kinda guy without a gym fit body or huge member, I have come to realise the best thing I can do is just be me and if that's not what one person is looking for it may well be what the next is, I will never pass up a chance to find out though even if the answer is no as you never know until you ask. | |||
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*It was deep yesterday on other threads yesterday, it rolled over to this morning.
FAF? | |||
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"This site. I have been rejected and I take it on the chin. Yes, it blasts my confidence and my ego is knocked for a moment. Why? I see who they have met in the past and I am far from the ripped ideal body image I tend to think is looked for on here, and don’t get me started when I hear ‘VWE only’, well, where do I fit in all this if we are all looking for ‘something’? Yes, my confidence is low with this place, but not with people. (There’s a difference). The people who do accept talking to me and giving me the idea they might actually fancy me gives me an idea that I am desired still. THEY boost my ego a bit. Outside fab. That’s why I am here, loosing a long term partner (wife) knocked my confidence more than anyone will know, and it’s a lot more difficult to ignore than a few strangers on a website. Op. Confidence comes and goes, your character and personality is continuous and what makes us attractive. When people interact with us because they are drawn to each other confidence rises again. Surround yourself with people you like.
*It was deep yesterday on other threads yesterday, it rolled over to this morning.
FAF? "Lost her heart - not dead. Just to clarify. damn that sounded bad readi no back.  | |||
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"Thanks for the replies. It’s reassuring to see I’m not alone. And just to add, I don’t think fab is the cause as such, I don’t use the site for validation. It’s more just a general, sudden lack of confidence. " You won’t mind me saying that you are fit then? | |||
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"Thanks for the replies. It’s reassuring to see I’m not alone. And just to add, I don’t think fab is the cause as such, I don’t use the site for validation. It’s more just a general, sudden lack of confidence. " Yes. I have. Leaving an emotionally abusive relationship 6 months before lockdown, meant I haven’t had opportunities to get out and meet, and I’ve lost my confidence in getting out there. I’ve had to decide to just get on with it and hope for the best . | |||
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"Thanks for the replies. It’s reassuring to see I’m not alone. And just to add, I don’t think fab is the cause as such, I don’t use the site for validation. It’s more just a general, sudden lack of confidence. " This site can kill confidence, and so can your current thought process on relationships, sexuality, and comparison to others. You look very pretty and have lovely skin. We all question ourselves at some stage but we are all perfect in our own unique way xx | |||
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"Have you ever had one? In terms of fab or meeting or sexually etc? Was it a phase? I’m having one now and I have no idea why. I’ve never been super confident but wouldn’t describe myself as insecure in myself…well not usually anyway "After my first child I did. Found the changes to my body difficult to cope with. Just focused on exercise, eating better, time doing anything that I enjoyed doing to. | |||
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"It's a natural feeling as we as humans look for acceptance from others. Sometimes we spend way too much time over analysing and being unkind to ourselves because society tells us we need to look, act and be a certain way. Self acceptance is a great thing and once you have that, the confidence will follow. It's okay to have insecurites but remember there's only one you and you are enough. Don't let other people's preferences dictate your self esteem "Absolutely. It's not easy - self acceptance is a practice, not a thing that most people just have. | |||
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"I think if you're on this site with low confidence, you often interpret things as signs that "I am crap" or "I don't fit in" "people don't like me". For example not getting mentioned in "who is hot" threads or any other popularity threads. The majority of people wont get mentioned. I don't. It's trivial and it's not a reflection of your value. It doesn't matter. Don't judge yourself on the opinions of strangers. Judge yourself by who loves you, by what you do in the world, by the small things that you do to make others feel good. " Wise | |||
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"Thanks for the replies. It’s reassuring to see I’m not alone. And just to add, I don’t think fab is the cause as such, I don’t use the site for validation. It’s more just a general, sudden lack of confidence. Yes. I have. Leaving an emotionally abusive relationship 6 months before lockdown, meant I haven’t had opportunities to get out and meet, and I’ve lost my confidence in getting out there. I’ve had to decide to just get on with it and hope for the best . " | |||
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"I think if you're on this site with low confidence, you often interpret things as signs that "I am crap" or "I don't fit in" "people don't like me". For example not getting mentioned in "who is hot" threads or any other popularity threads. The majority of people wont get mentioned. I don't. It's trivial and it's not a reflection of your value. It doesn't matter. Don't judge yourself on the opinions of strangers. Judge yourself by who loves you, by what you do in the world, by the small things that you do to make others feel good. " Absolutely. | |||
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"Thanks for the replies. It’s reassuring to see I’m not alone. And just to add, I don’t think fab is the cause as such, I don’t use the site for validation. It’s more just a general, sudden lack of confidence. " That's actually very positive to read, OP. Fab, and especially the forum, shouldn't have a massive effect on anyone. Unfortunately, it does, all too often, and I'm not ashamed to say that I've let it get to me in the past. The only solution to that is to walk away for a while. Completely. The thing is, as much as people say "it's pixels on a screen", we all know that it is people behind those pixels. And it is natural to want to be liked, admired, respected by other people. The forum is one of (if not the only) the arena in which we have chosen to compete, to socialise, to interact, and thus we want, on whatever level, to be accepted and heard. The nature of this site means that the acceptance we crave is often also a desire for admiration as well. And that means that when we don't get those things it can have a negative effect, especially when we are feeling down. I digress from the point of the thread (shocking, I know, I'm sorry). For me the norm is low confidence. Hating myself. Not being able to look at myself and not understanding why anyone else would want to. That's a lifetime of conditioning. So I envy you the natural, normal level of self that it seems you usually have, except for this blip. All I can offer really is support, positive affirmations, because you are so pretty, and I always enjoy reading you here, and confirmation that it will pass if you allow it to. You need to turn the volume in your head down on the negative and up on the positive. Do things that make you feel good. Wear things that make you feel good. And if they don't make you feel good right now, look for the memory of when they did and bring it to the front of your mind. I realise I sound like the proverbial pot, as how can I make suggestions when I feel as I do about me? Well... even I have the occasional moment when I catch sight of myself and think "yeah, ok, maybe I see it a bit". I just can't hold onto that despite knowing I need to. I'm good at theory, not at putting that into practice. | |||
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"Hi OP, so sorry you're feeling that. I think us women are way harder on ourselves than anyone else is. To me, you look beautiful & I'd kill to look like you. But that doesn't help if YOU don't like what you see in the mirror. I can only suggest do what I do when Im struggling - chat to a brilliant friend. One who loves you for you. A belly laugh & knowing you're valued makes me forget that I'm not young/pretty/sexy/slim. Oh, and pop up a photo of your boobs. Instant boost when you get loads of fabs! Xc" Exactly x | |||
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"Is confidence always linked to physical appearance? That seems to be the theme running through this thread " I wondered the same but assumed it's because of the site type. | |||
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"It really is sad how many people feel like this - especially the amount that feel Fab is making it worse. I've felt massive rejection from someone I loved but never struggled with rejection from strangers. This is one of the few results of growing up in a near cult that I'm grateful for. As the only kid in school not celebrating Christmas or Easter or even making mothers day cards ffs, the only one without a TV, not a clue what music was being played on the radio etc etc I was taught to believe it didn't matter what other people thought about me and to this day I'm happy expressing my thoughts, debating my opinions even when I know very well they're not popular and will make me look like an oddity. This is obviously tempered by a normal human need to fit in, feel validated, be accepted and I perhaps over compensate by relying almost entirely on my partner for this. So long as she loves me I don't care about anyone else's views. I am incredibly lucky in that regard and recognise my fortune as I know many don't have the level of adoration I get from her and it helps massively with my self confidence. It also helps that while I don't particularly like my face, I know at an objective level that I have a body shape that many find attractive (tall, wide shoulders, relatively athletic etc). I still notice all the bits I don't like though ...
Mr" | |||
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"Is confidence always linked to physical appearance? That seems to be the theme running through this thread " Mine isn't. Mine is about what I want from life and what is best for me and my mental health. Plus mainly, confidence in others and their intentions/motivations. | |||
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"It’s ok … it happens to us all. Even those who look supreme and in control admit that they have the ability to present that persona while quaking inside. There is nothing wrong with anxiety, worry, doubt - it’s part of our self protection system, designed to keep us safe. Acknowledging that you are feeling what you are feeling is the right way to go. It will pass or you will find a way to deal with it." It seems very pervasive for some and that sounds a very exhausting way to live life | |||
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"Is confidence always linked to physical appearance? That seems to be the theme running through this thread " For me, not entirely, that's because of my own experience. But the nature of the world is that physical appearance is important. It is usually our first introduction to a person, whether we are actually introduced to them or not. And the nature of fab is such that of course confidence in this setting will be linked to appearance. For many, if not most people. | |||
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"Is confidence always linked to physical appearance? That seems to be the theme running through this thread " Yes. If I turn up anywhere, I am confident I would physically appear. | |||
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"It really is sad how many people feel like this - especially the amount that feel Fab is making it worse. I've felt massive rejection from someone I loved but never struggled with rejection from strangers. This is one of the few results of growing up in a near cult that I'm grateful for. As the only kid in school not celebrating Christmas or Easter or even making mothers day cards ffs, the only one without a TV, not a clue what music was being played on the radio etc etc I was taught to believe it didn't matter what other people thought about me and to this day I'm happy expressing my thoughts, debating my opinions even when I know very well they're not popular and will make me look like an oddity. This is obviously tempered by a normal human need to fit in, feel validated, be accepted and I perhaps over compensate by relying almost entirely on my partner for this. So long as she loves me I don't care about anyone else's views. I am incredibly lucky in that regard and recognise my fortune as I know many don't have the level of adoration I get from her and it helps massively with my self confidence. It also helps that while I don't particularly like my face, I know at an objective level that I have a body shape that many find attractive (tall, wide shoulders, relatively athletic etc). I still notice all the bits I don't like though ...
Mr"I believe I had my upbringing in the same cult...I was disfellowshipped at 22, when I was at my lowest ebb. Disowned by my own mother & all of my friends...my mental health took a massive hit & was largely responsible for me getting to nearly 23st. I didn't feel truly free from the pain for many years. I hear you & sending a hug | |||
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"Have you ever had one? In terms of fab or meeting or sexually etc? Was it a phase? I’m having one now and I have no idea why. I’ve never been super confident but wouldn’t describe myself as insecure in myself…well not usually anyway
Honestly, I think it's really normal. I am a realist & I know my body is pretty rubbish, but I try to look at myself through the eyes of those who appreciate it & focus on the compliments I get.
Nobody is harder on us than we are of ourselves & we all see beauty in others that they don't necessarily recognise in themselves.
I hope you can see yourself as others see you & remember how amazing you are x
I've just looked at your pictures and I think you have a lovely body"Thank you so much! | |||
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"Is confidence always linked to physical appearance? That seems to be the theme running through this thread " No it comes from all different angles but people usually project what they feel on the inside to the outside. | |||
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"Is confidence always linked to physical appearance? That seems to be the theme running through this thread " For me, absolutely not. | |||
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"It really is sad how many people feel like this - especially the amount that feel Fab is making it worse. I've felt massive rejection from someone I loved but never struggled with rejection from strangers. This is one of the few results of growing up in a near cult that I'm grateful for. As the only kid in school not celebrating Christmas or Easter or even making mothers day cards ffs, the only one without a TV, not a clue what music was being played on the radio etc etc I was taught to believe it didn't matter what other people thought about me and to this day I'm happy expressing my thoughts, debating my opinions even when I know very well they're not popular and will make me look like an oddity. This is obviously tempered by a normal human need to fit in, feel validated, be accepted and I perhaps over compensate by relying almost entirely on my partner for this. So long as she loves me I don't care about anyone else's views. I am incredibly lucky in that regard and recognise my fortune as I know many don't have the level of adoration I get from her and it helps massively with my self confidence. It also helps that while I don't particularly like my face, I know at an objective level that I have a body shape that many find attractive (tall, wide shoulders, relatively athletic etc). I still notice all the bits I don't like though ...
Mr
I believe I had my upbringing in the same cult...I was disfellowshipped at 22, when I was at my lowest ebb. Disowned by my own mother & all of my friends...my mental health took a massive hit & was largely responsible for me getting to nearly 23st. I didn't feel truly free from the pain for many years. I hear you & sending a hug "Thank you, and hugs back at ya x | |||
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"Thanks for the replies. It’s reassuring to see I’m not alone. And just to add, I don’t think fab is the cause as such, I don’t use the site for validation. It’s more just a general, sudden lack of confidence. " You're definitely not alone, OP. I think it would be more you're unusual if you didn't have times when confidence drops for one reason or another. Mine definitely waxes and wanes, and I'm definitely feeling a bit mojo-less at the moment. As you and others have said, I think Fab just plays in to whatever's already going on: on a good day, you'll feel great with a solitary "fab" on one of your pics, but the next day that same fab could lead to thoughts of 'why don't more people like my pic?' or whatever. Many others have given better advice than I can about how to recover it but for me it's about trying to remember we are our own worst critic and trying not to listen to that internal voice - way easier said than done. At the same time remembering this is a phase and confidence can reappear just as suddenly as it dipped... | |||
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"There are a few people in this thread who have surprised me. You really can't tell how a person is really feeling. Some people are very good at portraying a totally different persona on here. I guess we all do it have done at some point." Is it a portrayal? Or even a different persona? We are all a mix of feelings and emotions. If a person suffers from depression has a great night out with friends and is the life and soul for a few hours, are they portraying a different persona? Being fake? Lying about the depression? Or simply expressing how they feel in that moment? I think insecurities are incredibly common but equally are something we rarely express to others. Also, if a person explains a part of them that we are not aware of is that because they've hidden it from us and tried to portray something they are not or simply that we don't know them as well as we thought? Mr | |||
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"There are a few people in this thread who have surprised me. You really can't tell how a person is really feeling. Some people are very good at portraying a totally different persona on here. I guess we all do it have done at some point. Is it a portrayal? Or even a different persona? We are all a mix of feelings and emotions. If a person suffers from depression has a great night out with friends and is the life and soul for a few hours, are they portraying a different persona? Being fake? Lying about the depression? Or simply expressing how they feel in that moment? I think insecurities are incredibly common but equally are something we rarely express to others. Also, if a person explains a part of them that we are not aware of is that because they've hidden it from us and tried to portray something they are not or simply that we don't know them as well as we thought? Mr" | |||
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"Is confidence always linked to physical appearance? That seems to be the theme running through this thread " No. My wobbles are mainly due to lack of body parts functioning, rather than the appearance. | |||
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"Confidence is a funny concept. I coach confidence but doesn't mean I'm particularly confident myself. Especially on this site, as has been mentioned. It'll quickly drop you back in reality. You can't control confidence, nor is it universal. In some situations you'll be very confident, in others a shivering wreck. I can entertain a crowd, no problem. Talk to strangers even. But o have zero confidence talking to a woman. I sort of know why, but that doesn't make it any easier. I think it's dangerous to go into a cycle of "if I was a bit more then I'd be confident. Because you'll never be whatever you need to be, be ut fitter, stronger, etc. You'll always drag your old stuff around. All you can do is push a little bit further each time, see how it went, ger comfortable with it, and then push a bit more." That’s a good point. It’s uncomfortable to push yourself out of your comfort zone. It’s nerve racking, stressful, exciting…. It’s safer to stay in a routine but is this really doing our self-confidence any good? For me, confidence comes from trying new things. I never, ever thought I’d want to try a swingers club 18 months ago, the thought didn’t even cross my mind. Then I tried two! Trying new things leads to meeting new people and discovering different connections…. hobbies, interests and improving feelings of wellbeing. I wonder if there’s something you’ve always wanted to try OP, that scares the shit out if you?! Could you take steps to working towards it? What would it be? | |||
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"My crisis is more about how my body works (or doesn't) rather than what it looks like. I have one fully functional leg. The left one is useless. It's weak, painful and is a constant source of irritation. My back and pelvis are falling to pieces. My womb is trying to fall out of my body. My left shoulder is also increasingly painful due to impingement but my shoulders are my method of locomotion (via wheelchair) so I can't rest it. There are so many things I want my body to do, but it cannot do anymore. I'd like a single pain free day. I'd like to be able to run and play football or something with my daughter. I'd like to climb on a climbing frame or go down a slide with her. I want to experience the world at a "normal" height, rather than at sitting height constantly. Basically, I don't like the fact my body doesn't work anymore. I'm not hugely sold on what it looks like either, but that's cosmetic. I've had to learn to try and stop berating myself for the failings of my body because no amount of inner criticism is going to change anything. I'd suggest that the same is true of other forms of negative self criticism. There's almost never any positive benefit to knocking yourself down, so try and talk to yourself in a way you might talk to a good friend. Would you knock them down, or build them up? Build yourself up and you might get your confidence back a bit. It's often hard to practice what you preach too! What an inspirational, strong woman you are.
Agreed!
I hope you’re well despite being in so much pain - we chatted last time I was on fab about social prescribing xx"Thank you, Lexi and Queenofhearts, very kind words | |||
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"All the time. Fake it till you make it!" Easier said than done, especially if your self confidence is fragile. Yeah, you might be able to blag it occasionally but eventually the knock backs will take their toll. | |||
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"Hi OP, so sorry you're feeling that. I think us women are way harder on ourselves than anyone else is. To me, you look beautiful & I'd kill to look like you. But that doesn't help if YOU don't like what you see in the mirror. I can only suggest do what I do when I'm struggling - chat to a brilliant friend. One who loves you for you. A belly laugh & knowing you're valued makes me forget that I'm not young/pretty/sexy/slim. Oh, and pop up a photo of your boobs. Instant boost when you get loads of fabs! X" ° It's great to read many of the endearing and empathetic responses on this thread and I really love this one ^ above. The encapsulation of compassion, advice and the injection of humour is sometimes the best catharsis. OP: I hope you find yourself on the most agreeable path very soon. x | |||
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"All the time. Fake it till you make it! Easier said than done, especially if your self confidence is fragile. Yeah, you might be able to blag it occasionally but eventually the knock backs will take their toll. " When we look for validation from others, and get knocked back, it does take its toll…. I’m sure we all do it from time to time, I guess we need to remind ourselves to take a step back & work on what excites us and reminds us that we are perfectly fine alone. A new fitness class or a new course online, or go to a new city etc When we are happy with our lot, we attract others who are happy, too x | |||
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"Hi OP, so sorry you're feeling that. I think us women are way harder on ourselves than anyone else is. To me, you look beautiful & I'd kill to look like you. But that doesn't help if YOU don't like what you see in the mirror. I can only suggest do what I do when I'm struggling - chat to a brilliant friend. One who loves you for you. A belly laugh & knowing you're valued makes me forget that I'm not young/pretty/sexy/slim. Oh, and pop up a photo of your boobs. Instant boost when you get loads of fabs! X ° It's great to read many of the endearing and empathetic responses on this thread and I really love this one ^ above. The encapsulation of compassion, advice and the injection of humour is sometimes the best catharsis. OP: I hope you find yourself on the most agreeable path very soon. x" Aw thanks Nero, my friend. You know me, if I can't kill'em with kindness, I'll make 'em laugh xx | |||
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"Yes totally OP I am going through one now and it’s close to making me leave this site altogether. I am very secure in who I am and my abilities in my personal life and have great friends who have always been there for me but recently my confidence in this site has taken a battering. Do I actually fit in? Over the last few months I have had some not so thinly vailed comments thrown at me, the efforts I go to for the pics I take I struggle to get into double figures for fabs, never on a hot list thread, rarely even noticed on any other thread and other than true friends my inbox is a useless feature. Yes this may seems like a moan but eventually you start to believe the evidence that is constantly put in front of you. I hope your confidence returns soon OP as it’s not a nice feeling when you doubt everything fab related Honestly, does the forum and people you don’t know really effect you that much? Being on a hotlist or mentioned on threads. I’ve been on here for a few years now. I’m pretty much ignored on the forums. I don’t get mentioned. What matters is in the real world. Not getting picked out on here or noticed on here really shouldn’t bothered you like that. It’s the constant toxicity towards me that gets to me. I know where I am not wanted and that leaves me with 2 choices. Quit or accept it. By accepting you are then training people on how to treat you " Sorry you feel like that and please don't think you are not wanted, everyone has a place here and nobody has the right to make you feel less than you are....All the forum hotlist stuff/who's your favourite etc I just superficial bollox, people love the affirmations, the popularity piss because they like to appear popular. I keep away from that mainly and people who I know I can trust and find connection with I chat with away from the forum, which is just a means to pass time for me. Some get far too invested and that can be dangerous. | |||
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"As for crisis of confidence: yep, not so much on Fab but losing my Mum had a profound effect on me, like I lost the stuff that made me; 6 years on and I am beginning to find me again, slowly but surely" Similar. When my mum died four years ago I spent the first six months slowly falling apart, the next six months realising what a state I'd got into and seeking some help, and the entire time since gradually putting myself back together. I'm still a work in progress, and the reconstructed Polly won't be the same as she was before mum passed, but I'm at least halfway functional now. | |||
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"Thanks for the replies. It’s reassuring to see I’m not alone. And just to add, I don’t think fab is the cause as such, I don’t use the site for validation. It’s more just a general, sudden lack of confidence. " Your not alone xx | |||
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"Yes totally OP I am going through one now and it’s close to making me leave this site altogether. I am very secure in who I am and my abilities in my personal life and have great friends who have always been there for me but recently my confidence in this site has taken a battering. Do I actually fit in? Over the last few months I have had some not so thinly vailed comments thrown at me, the efforts I go to for the pics I take I struggle to get into double figures for fabs, never on a hot list thread, rarely even noticed on any other thread and other than true friends my inbox is a useless feature. Yes this may seems like a moan but eventually you start to believe the evidence that is constantly put in front of you. I hope your confidence returns soon OP as it’s not a nice feeling when you doubt everything fab related " Do you think that’s maybe because you have a couples profile and are in a relationship with TG - hence people maybe don’t want to step on toes? | |||
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"Yes totally OP I am going through one now and it’s close to making me leave this site altogether. I am very secure in who I am and my abilities in my personal life and have great friends who have always been there for me but recently my confidence in this site has taken a battering. Do I actually fit in? Over the last few months I have had some not so thinly vailed comments thrown at me, the efforts I go to for the pics I take I struggle to get into double figures for fabs, never on a hot list thread, rarely even noticed on any other thread and other than true friends my inbox is a useless feature. Yes this may seems like a moan but eventually you start to believe the evidence that is constantly put in front of you. I hope your confidence returns soon OP as it’s not a nice feeling when you doubt everything fab related Do you think that’s maybe because you have a couples profile and are in a relationship with TG - hence people maybe don’t want to step on toes? " Not if the point of getting together was to add even more toes to the mix | |||
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"Yes totally OP I am going through one now and it’s close to making me leave this site altogether. I am very secure in who I am and my abilities in my personal life and have great friends who have always been there for me but recently my confidence in this site has taken a battering. Do I actually fit in? Over the last few months I have had some not so thinly vailed comments thrown at me, the efforts I go to for the pics I take I struggle to get into double figures for fabs, never on a hot list thread, rarely even noticed on any other thread and other than true friends my inbox is a useless feature. Yes this may seems like a moan but eventually you start to believe the evidence that is constantly put in front of you. I hope your confidence returns soon OP as it’s not a nice feeling when you doubt everything fab related Do you think that’s maybe because you have a couples profile and are in a relationship with TG - hence people maybe don’t want to step on toes? " I was going to say the same. Maybe people are giving you both space to work on your newly formed relationship x | |||
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"Yes totally OP I am going through one now and it’s close to making me leave this site altogether. I am very secure in who I am and my abilities in my personal life and have great friends who have always been there for me but recently my confidence in this site has taken a battering. Do I actually fit in? Over the last few months I have had some not so thinly vailed comments thrown at me, the efforts I go to for the pics I take I struggle to get into double figures for fabs, never on a hot list thread, rarely even noticed on any other thread and other than true friends my inbox is a useless feature. Yes this may seems like a moan but eventually you start to believe the evidence that is constantly put in front of you. I hope your confidence returns soon OP as it’s not a nice feeling when you doubt everything fab related Do you think that’s maybe because you have a couples profile and are in a relationship with TG - hence people maybe don’t want to step on toes? " Erm. I don't get this logic. Last time I looked that's why couples joined the site. It used to be called swinging, I believe. | |||
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"Have you ever had one? In terms of fab or meeting or sexually etc? Was it a phase? I’m having one now and I have no idea why. I’ve never been super confident but wouldn’t describe myself as insecure in myself…well not usually anyway "I was going to write this exact same post but was too scared so I did a search. Sometimes I can feel like a goddess (not very often of late) but think an alter ego comes out haha. I can’t seem to stop myself from self loathing right now I’m hoping it’s just a phase as in this lifestyle there’s a lot of pressure to be confident x | |||
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"As a man this site is a confidence crusher is your confidence low because you have been rejected?. If so it's their loss "I have to say, I find using Fab absolutely fine, but it's visiting the clubs my self confidence took the biggest knocking, never felt so unwanted | |||
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"I think to survive on here you have to so thick skinned you barely register negative comments , it’s all just playground noise, I would imagine a tiny fraction is meant to personal or purposely trying to offend Confidence should come from you know about yourself, your abilities , attitude , your choices not others " Negative comments on here don’t effect me as I have no interest in that person, don’t fancy them and don’t want to meet them. It only effects me when it’s from someone I love | |||
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"I think to survive on here you have to so thick skinned you barely register negative comments , it’s all just playground noise, I would imagine a tiny fraction is meant to personal or purposely trying to offend Confidence should come from you know about yourself, your abilities , attitude , your choices not others " To be honest, a negative comment on here is like water of a ducks back from a stranger who I will never cross paths with. Opinions of people who don't know a thing about me, mean sweet f**k all x | |||
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"Yes totally OP I am going through one now and it’s close to making me leave this site altogether. I am very secure in who I am and my abilities in my personal life and have great friends who have always been there for me but recently my confidence in this site has taken a battering. Do I actually fit in? Over the last few months I have had some not so thinly vailed comments thrown at me, the efforts I go to for the pics I take I struggle to get into double figures for fabs, never on a hot list thread, rarely even noticed on any other thread and other than true friends my inbox is a useless feature. Yes this may seems like a moan but eventually you start to believe the evidence that is constantly put in front of you. I hope your confidence returns soon OP as it’s not a nice feeling when you doubt everything fab related Do you think that’s maybe because you have a couples profile and are in a relationship with TG - hence people maybe don’t want to step on toes? Erm. I don't get this logic. Last time I looked that's why couples joined the site. It used to be called swinging, I believe. " Thank you for this because I was struggling too. My crisis of confidence has come from comments such as this. That I’m now off limits somehow even though it’s a swinging Site. I haven’t changed as a person. I still have the same body as before so the only conclusion I can draw was the attention before was false and therefore I was just fresh meat but not attractive enough to continue fancying. Or does someone in a relationship on fab become less attractive? Honest question | |||
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"Yes totally OP I am going through one now and it’s close to making me leave this site altogether. I am very secure in who I am and my abilities in my personal life and have great friends who have always been there for me but recently my confidence in this site has taken a battering. Do I actually fit in? Over the last few months I have had some not so thinly vailed comments thrown at me, the efforts I go to for the pics I take I struggle to get into double figures for fabs, never on a hot list thread, rarely even noticed on any other thread and other than true friends my inbox is a useless feature. Yes this may seems like a moan but eventually you start to believe the evidence that is constantly put in front of you. I hope your confidence returns soon OP as it’s not a nice feeling when you doubt everything fab related Do you think that’s maybe because you have a couples profile and are in a relationship with TG - hence people maybe don’t want to step on toes? Erm. I don't get this logic. Last time I looked that's why couples joined the site. It used to be called swinging, I believe. Thank you for this because I was struggling too. My crisis of confidence has come from comments such as this. That I’m now off limits somehow even though it’s a swinging Site. I haven’t changed as a person. I still have the same body as before so the only conclusion I can draw was the attention before was false and therefore I was just fresh meat but not attractive enough to continue fancying. Or does someone in a relationship on fab become less attractive? Honest question" They become less attractive to me but to those seeking couples, they become their target audience. Swings and roundabouts  | |||
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"Yes totally OP I am going through one now and it’s close to making me leave this site altogether. I am very secure in who I am and my abilities in my personal life and have great friends who have always been there for me but recently my confidence in this site has taken a battering. Do I actually fit in? Over the last few months I have had some not so thinly vailed comments thrown at me, the efforts I go to for the pics I take I struggle to get into double figures for fabs, never on a hot list thread, rarely even noticed on any other thread and other than true friends my inbox is a useless feature. Yes this may seems like a moan but eventually you start to believe the evidence that is constantly put in front of you. I hope your confidence returns soon OP as it’s not a nice feeling when you doubt everything fab related Do you think that’s maybe because you have a couples profile and are in a relationship with TG - hence people maybe don’t want to step on toes? Erm. I don't get this logic. Last time I looked that's why couples joined the site. It used to be called swinging, I believe. Thank you for this because I was struggling too. My crisis of confidence has come from comments such as this. That I’m now off limits somehow even though it’s a swinging Site. I haven’t changed as a person. I still have the same body as before so the only conclusion I can draw was the attention before was false and therefore I was just fresh meat but not attractive enough to continue fancying. Or does someone in a relationship on fab become less attractive? Honest question" I think that’s a thread in itself. Not all people who get together on fab become a fully swinging couple. New couples are often left to find their feet and enjoy their new relationship and establish their lines and comfort levels. Continuing to flirt with someone in a new couple could easily be seen as competitive. Especially if said couple are very gushy about each other and not actively flirting with others. It can be seen as unwelcome. There are many reasons that the dynamic changes and it will vary from couple to couple. I’m not sure you’ve both expressed the desire to meet others to the point it invites attention. Are you wanting proper interest or just attention? | |||
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"Yes totally OP I am going through one now and it’s close to making me leave this site altogether. I am very secure in who I am and my abilities in my personal life and have great friends who have always been there for me but recently my confidence in this site has taken a battering. Do I actually fit in? Over the last few months I have had some not so thinly vailed comments thrown at me, the efforts I go to for the pics I take I struggle to get into double figures for fabs, never on a hot list thread, rarely even noticed on any other thread and other than true friends my inbox is a useless feature. Yes this may seems like a moan but eventually you start to believe the evidence that is constantly put in front of you. I hope your confidence returns soon OP as it’s not a nice feeling when you doubt everything fab related Do you think that’s maybe because you have a couples profile and are in a relationship with TG - hence people maybe don’t want to step on toes? Erm. I don't get this logic. Last time I looked that's why couples joined the site. It used to be called swinging, I believe. Thank you for this because I was struggling too. My crisis of confidence has come from comments such as this. That I’m now off limits somehow even though it’s a swinging Site. I haven’t changed as a person. I still have the same body as before so the only conclusion I can draw was the attention before was false and therefore I was just fresh meat but not attractive enough to continue fancying. Or does someone in a relationship on fab become less attractive? Honest question" I don’t really understand this. Your profile says you’re in a committed relationship and won’t meet outside of that so unless people are looking for a couple, why would they message you? Unfortunately, I do feel that when some single fabbers become couples they expect the same interactions with people but that won’t happen because it’s a different dynamic once you are a couple. I suspect some just miss the attention they once had. | |||
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"Have you ever had one? In terms of fab or meeting or sexually etc? Was it a phase? I’m having one now and I have no idea why. I’ve never been super confident but wouldn’t describe myself as insecure in myself…well not usually anyway "This whole site causes one | |||
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