FabSwingers.com forum: Dad jokes

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Hit me with them

My doctor has advised me to stop drinking- it's going to be a massive change for me.

I've been with that doctor for 15 years.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives,

I replied, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact. I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What bird is always out of breath?

Puffin

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I got tired of being judged for going bald so I went out and bought a cheap wig.

It was a small price toupée.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I got tired of being judged for going bald so I went out and bought a cheap wig.

It was a small price toupée."

Omg, I was going to use that one later

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By *rAitchMan
over a year ago

Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe

The ice cream man was found dead in his van. He was covered in raspberry sauce, nuts and sprinkles.

Police think he topped himself.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I've been banned from the Secret Cooking Society..

I kept spilling the beans.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Jedus walks into a hotel, slams 3 nails on the counter and says "can you put me up for the night"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I got tired of being judged for going bald so I went out and bought a cheap wig.

It was a small price toupée.

Omg, I was going to use that one later

Great minds or are we just stealing them from the same place?

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By *weet and SpiceCouple
over a year ago

Around the Midlands

What do you call a magician who has lost his magic?

Ian

Don't worry, I'm here all week

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

I'm starting to think you have a dad joke fetish and maybe even kink too...

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By *rAitchMan
over a year ago

Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe

John Wayne Bobbitt has opened a vegan restaurant in Los Angeles.

It's called "No Meat and Two Veg".

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My penis was in the Guinness Book of World Records…

Then the librarian asked me to take it out.

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

"I got tired of being judged for going bald so I went out and bought a cheap wig.

It was a small price toupée.

Omg, I was going to use that one later

Great minds or are we just stealing them from the same place?

No need to split hairs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hit me with them

My doctor has advised me to stop drinking- it's going to be a massive change for me.

I've been with that doctor for 15 years."

Hahahahaha!!!

I want to learn how to read music. I keep pronouncing it mussak

(doesn't really work in type does it?)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a man with a shovel in his head?

Dug

What do you call a man without a shovel in his head?

Dug'less

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I got tired of being judged for going bald so I went out and bought a cheap wig.

It was a small price toupée.

Omg, I was going to use that one later

Great minds or are we just stealing them from the same place?

Err, we’re clearly just both comedy geniuses

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Hit me with them

My doctor has advised me to stop drinking- it's going to be a massive change for me.

I've been with that doctor for 15 years.

Hahahahaha!!!

I want to learn how to read music. I keep pronouncing it mussak

(doesn't really work in type does it?) "

It does, because I heard it yesterday, so it made me laugh

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm starting to think you have a dad joke fetish and maybe even kink too... "

Me, a kink involving Daddies

. Never

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By *weet and SpiceCouple
over a year ago

Around the Midlands

How do you follow Will Smith in the snow?

You follow the fresh prints

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Two sex workers are chatting and one asks the other “have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?”, she replies “no but I’ve been swung round by the tits…”

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By *UGGYBEAR2015Man
over a year ago

BRIDPORT

What makes a joke a ‘dad’ joke?

When it becomes apparent.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you say to your sister when she's sobbing?

Are you having a crisis?

Winston

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just before I die I'm going to eat an entire bag of unpopped popcorn.

That should make my cremation a bit more fun.

Winston

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Just before I die I'm going to eat an entire bag of unpopped popcorn.

That should make my cremation a bit more fun.

Winston

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By *ad66Couple
over a year ago

Manchester

A man walks into a doctors surgery & says "doctor, I think I'm a moth"

Doctor says "pardon"?

Man repeats "I think I'm a moth"

Doctor says "I'm a GP, I think you need to see a psychiatrist"

Man says "I know but I saw your light on"

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By *inkyRebelMan
over a year ago

Swindon

What do you do if you see a spaceman?

Park in it man

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hit me with them

My doctor has advised me to stop drinking- it's going to be a massive change for me.

I've been with that doctor for 15 years.

Hahahahaha!!!

I want to learn how to read music. I keep pronouncing it mussak

(doesn't really work in type does it?)

It does, because I heard it yesterday, so it made me laugh

YOu were listening to radio 2 as well then?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Knock Knock.

Who's there?

Europe.

Europe who?

No, you're a poo!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Hit me with them

My doctor has advised me to stop drinking- it's going to be a massive change for me.

I've been with that doctor for 15 years.

Hahahahaha!!!

I want to learn how to read music. I keep pronouncing it mussak

(doesn't really work in type does it?)

It does, because I heard it yesterday, so it made me laugh

YOu were listening to radio 2 as well then?"

I was, but I didn’t have you down for a Radio 2 man

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've just bought majority shares in a vampire hunting business.

I'm now the biggest stakeholder.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

If you suck at playing trumpet..

that's probably why.

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By *for2Man
over a year ago

Bristol

I only seem to get sick on weekdays. I must have a weekend immune system

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's a 5 minute walk from my house to the pub.

It's a 35 minute walk from the pub to my house.

The difference is staggering.

Winston

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lady Astor dressed up as a policewoman and told my I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed.

After 2 minutes all charges were dropped due to lack of evidence.

Winston

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By *inell1Man
over a year ago

Ipswich

My ex wife laughed when I told her I was making a car out of spaghetti...she stopped laughing when i drove pasta

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

The checker at the grocery store asked me if I wanted my milk in a bag.

I told her to leave it in the carton.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Two sex workers are chatting and one asks the other “have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?”, she replies “no but I’ve been swung round by the tits…”"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I locked myself out of the house earlier so I shouted through the letterbox to my cat to let me in.

He said: “Me? How?”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hit me with them

My doctor has advised me to stop drinking- it's going to be a massive change for me.

I've been with that doctor for 15 years.

Hahahahaha!!!

I want to learn how to read music. I keep pronouncing it mussak

(doesn't really work in type does it?)

It does, because I heard it yesterday, so it made me laugh

YOu were listening to radio 2 as well then?

I was, but I didn’t have you down for a Radio 2 man

Oh there's lots about me that I don't show. I have many layers

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The checker at the grocery store asked me if I wanted my milk in a bag.

I told her to leave it in the carton."

FFS

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By *yron69Man
over a year ago

Fareham

I said to the vet “the dog’s ate all my James Blunt records “

He said “been sick?”

I said not since I last listened to them..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not really a dad joke but....

Superman was flying through the night sky when he saw wonder woman lying on a rooftop spread eagle he swooped down fucked her at the speed of light and flew of. Wonder womwan said what was that the invisible Man said I don't know but my arse is killing

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I tried donating blood today. NEVER AGAIN!

Too many stupid questions; Whose blood is it? Where did you get it from?

Why is it in a bucket?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Someone threw a bottle of Omega 3 pills at me ! !

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil .....

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By *andonmessMan
over a year ago

A world all of his own

I asked my German neighbour if he knew the square root of 81. He said no.

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By *hechairman18Man
over a year ago

Salford Quays , Manchester

I will always remember the last thing my dad said, before he kicked the bucket.

" How far, do you think I can kick this bucket ? "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No one will listen to Whitesnake with me. So here I go again on my own

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By *immyinreadingMan
over a year ago

henley on thames

My girlfriend got pissed off with me watching so much football and gave me an ultimatum

, her or the football.

I’ll really miss her call she had been with me for 2 seasons

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I tried donating blood today. NEVER AGAIN!

Too many stupid questions; Whose blood is it? Where did you get it from?

Why is it in a bucket?"

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"No one will listen to Whitesnake with me. So here I go again on my own"

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

My coworkers laugh at my jokes in in-

person meetings, but never in online

meetings.

When I asked them why, they said that

my jokes weren't remotely funny.

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By *ryandseeMan
over a year ago

Yorkshire

"My coworkers laugh at my jokes in in-

person meetings, but never in online

meetings.

When I asked them why, they said that

my jokes weren't remotely funny."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The self-depreciation society is taking applications for new members.

I've already put myself down.

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By *dnmartinMan
over a year ago

Morley

I have been trying to find out what LGBTQ means.

I can never get a straight answer

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"The self-depreciation society is taking applications for new members.

I've already put myself down."

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I have been trying to find out what LGBTQ means.

I can never get a straight answer"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Doctor: Your body has run out of magnesium.

Me: 0mg

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Girlfriend asked me to kiss her somewhere warm, wet and smelly

So I took her to Canvey Island

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Doctor: Your body has run out of magnesium.

Me: 0mg"

Hahaha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why did the koala bear fall out of the tree?

Because it was dead

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My friend David lost his ID...

Now I call him Dav.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a fish with no eyes

Fsh

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Two prostitutes standing on a corner one says to the other tonights going be a good night I can smell the dick in the air the other says sorry I just burped

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How did the Italian chef die?

He pasta way

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lmao Totally hilarious

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By *aughty but nice2020Couple
over a year ago

Liverpool

I told my wife to embrace her mistakes……..so she gave me a BIG HUG.

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By *oah VailMan
over a year ago

Dover

"I tried donating blood today. NEVER AGAIN!

Too many stupid questions; Whose blood is it? Where did you get it from?

Why is it in a bucket?"

That made me lol

Here’s one for you:

My mate was telling me that he’d failed his Aboriginal music exam…

… I asked him “didja redo it?”

I’ll get my coat.

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By *reamblueMan
over a year ago

London

Where do you display pictures of eggs?

In a photo albumen

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How to Mexicans keep warm?

They use chicken fajitas.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My dad said ‘nothing rhymes with orange’.

I told him straight, it just doesn’t.

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By *aughty but nice2020Couple
over a year ago

Liverpool

My wife says I have two faults…………I don’t listen & I can’t remember what the other one was.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My wife told me she thought we’d have less arguments if I wasn’t so pedantic.

I told her “I think you mean fewer”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It is really unfortunate that Islam, Judaism, and Christianity have been fighting each other for centuries.

Hindus, on the other hand, never had any beef.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've had such a busy day. Just sorted out my father in law's belongings, put his good stuff on eBay, his old clothes in a charity shop and asked the estate agent to begin the process of selling his house.

He'll be raging when he gets from his bowling weekend.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My Latin scholar friend has refused to tell me the Roman numerals for the numbers 1, 1000, 51, 6 and 500.

IM LIVID.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My Latin scholar friend has refused to tell me the Roman numerals for the numbers 1, 1000, 51, 6 and 500.

IM LIVID."

If I could give you an approving nod I would

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"My Latin scholar friend has refused to tell me the Roman numerals for the numbers 1, 1000, 51, 6 and 500.

IM LIVID."

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By *edonist79Man
over a year ago

Trowbridge

Genuinely made this joke to my gf the other week.

We ordered pizza to the flat. She had bbq, I ordered a nacho pizza to try.

At some point she said to me that she wanted to try mine and would take a slice of it when it got there.

Told her no, she couldn't have any of it.

She looked a little sad and confused and asked me why.

And I told her simply. Because it's nacho pizza

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By *edonist79Man
over a year ago

Trowbridge

"How did the Italian chef die?

He pasta way"

Why should you never fight an Italian Baker?

Because they beat the foccacia...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did you hear about this new restaurant in Karma?

There’s no menu. You get what you deserve.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What is Batmans favourite fruit?

Ba na na na na na na na na na na na na na grapefruit.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Once upon a time there was a King who was only 12 inches tall.

He was a terrible King but he made a great ruler.

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By *iddlesticksMan
over a year ago

My nan’s spare room.

Police caught a pair of delinquents. One was eating batteries and the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one and let the other off.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A limbo champion walks into a bar.

He was disqualified.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"A limbo champion walks into a bar.

He was disqualified."

Some stole my limbo bar from my garage, I mean, how low can you go

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

My wife is really mad that I have no sense of direction. So I packed my stuff and right

---

Person 1: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself.

Person 2: Oh my! Who!?

Person 1: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?

Person 2: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????

Person 1: No, it was with a knife...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm sick of going to weddings with the the old people saying "Ooooh you're next". It annoys me so much, I've started saying the same thing to them at funerals.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"My wife is really mad that I have no sense of direction. So I packed my stuff and right

---

Person 1: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself.

Person 2: Oh my! Who!?

Person 1: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?

Person 2: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????

Person 1: No, it was with a knife..."

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

A little outdated now but

The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked. Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A limbo champion walks into a bar.

He was disqualified.

Some stole my limbo bar from my garage, I mean, how low can you go

In the 1970's, Sister Sledge used to drive

around in British cars.

Their favourites were the Austin Music and

Cortina Trap.

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By *dnmartinMan
over a year ago

Morley

Why did Karl Marx only drink Earl Grey tea?

Because he thought all proper tea was theift

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By *he sultan of swingMan
over a year ago

mid devon

What's an ostrich a pelican and inland revenue all got in common??

They can all stick the bills up there ass

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Did you know Yoda had a last name?

It was Layheehoo

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By *he sultan of swingMan
over a year ago

mid devon

What did the shoe say to the chewing gum? Stick with me and your go far!

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By *he sultan of swingMan
over a year ago

mid devon

Did you here about the fight at the chipshop? A couple of fish got batterd! And some chips got asulted

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By *rispyDuckMan
over a year ago

Chinese Takeaway near you

I told my wife to embrace her mistakes.

She gave me a hug

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By *rispyDuckMan
over a year ago

Chinese Takeaway near you

I'm a social vegan, I'm avoiding meets

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By *oiluvfunMan
over a year ago

Penrith

My wife thinks I have commitment issues.

Well, I say ‘wife’…….

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've got a new job. It's with a breakfast cereal company. I'm in charge of raisin bran awareness.

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By *hisisntpofMan
over a year ago

bristol

My mrs accused me of having OCD

i soon put her in her place

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"My mrs accused me of having OCD

i soon put her in her place "

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By *hisisntpofMan
over a year ago

bristol

Wife:look at that d*unk bloke

Husband :who is he

Wife :he proposed to me 10 years ago

Husband :fuck me hes still celebrating

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By *hisisntpofMan
over a year ago

bristol

I married my wife for her looks ,but not the ones shes giving me lately

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By *hisisntpofMan
over a year ago

bristol

My wife just found out i replaced our bed with a trampoline ,she hit the roof

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By *hisisntpofMan
over a year ago

bristol

I was wondering why the frisbee is getting bigger and bigger

And then it hit me

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By *he sultan of swingMan
over a year ago

mid devon

I have got my wife a fridge for her birthday I can't wait to see her face light up when she opens it

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By *ifewantsmore777Couple
over a year ago

North West

"I was wondering why the frisbee is getting bigger and bigger

And then it hit me

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By *hisisntpofMan
over a year ago

bristol

Dont you hate it when someone answers their own questions ,

I do

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By *hisisntpofMan
over a year ago

bristol

Russian dolls ,theyre so full of themselves

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By *hisisntpofMan
over a year ago

bristol

The man who invented the knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize

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By *he sultan of swingMan
over a year ago

mid devon

I bought 8 legs of venison for £200

Is that to dear?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My work colleagues just awarded me "Most Secretive Person" for the 10th year running.

I can't tell you how much this means to me.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

A son asks his dad. "Dad. what it is like

to be d*unk?"

The dad replies, "Well son, you see those two cars ahead of you. A d*unk man would see four of them. To that the son replies,

"But dad. I can see only one car."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What does a Cowboy say on his 2nd rodeo?

It's not my first rodeo!

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By *hisisntpofMan
over a year ago

bristol

"A son asks his dad. "Dad. what it is like

to be d*unk?"

The dad replies, "Well son, you see those two cars ahead of you. A d*unk man would see four of them. To that the son replies,

"But dad. I can see only one car.""

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By *hisisntpofMan
over a year ago

bristol

Whiteboards are remarkable

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By *hisisntpofMan
over a year ago

bristol

A red indian introduced me to his wife ,this is 4 horses

Wow i said ,what does that mean ?

He replied nag nag nag nag

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By *he sultan of swingMan
over a year ago

mid devon

I got my wife a belt and a bag for her birthday!

The hover works great now!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Our boss just banned overly specific nicknames and the whole office is staring at Rat Snitch Brian The Good Time Ruiner

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Our boss just banned overly specific nicknames and the whole office is staring at Rat Snitch Brian The Good Time Ruiner"

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By *hisisntpofMan
over a year ago

bristol

I have a split personality ,said tom being frank

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is my wife dissatisfied with my body?

A tiny part of of me says yes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Jeremy Beadle has a very small cock.

On the other hand, it's actually quite big.

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By *hampagne_Supernova_91Man
over a year ago

Manchester

Someone glued my deck of cards together

I don't know how to deal with it

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By *echnosonic_BrummieMan
over a year ago

Willenhall

I've just been prescribed anti-gloating cream.

I can't wait to rub it in...

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By *lasgow rooferMan
over a year ago

Baillieston

Teacher said to wee Billy if there's 3 birds on a branch and you hit 1 with a stone how many are still on the branch

Billy replied none the others flew away the teacher replies to Billy that the answer is 2 but I like the way your thinking

Billy says miss I've got a question for you if there's 3 woman eating icecream and 1 is licking and one is biting and the other is sucking what one is married

The teacher thinks about it and said the one sucking

Wee Billy says no miss the 1 wearing the wedding ring but like I like the way your thinking

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By *arrisonMan
over a year ago

Woolacombe

"Whiteboards are remarkable "

Oh! That's good!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Im currently reading a horror story in braille.

Something bad is gonna happen - I can feel it

Sorry

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Someone glued my deck of cards together

I don't know how to deal with it"

I’m reading a book about the history of glue, I just can’t put it down.

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By *ussle SproutMan
over a year ago

the middle

A man walks into the doctors and the doctor says, "I've not seen you for a while."

The man replies, "Yes, I've been ill."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Someone glued my deck of cards together

I don't know how to deal with it

I’m reading a book about the history of glue, I just can’t put it down. "

I’m sure my wife has been putting glue on my weapons collection.

She denies it but I’m sticking to my guns.

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By *P994Man
over a year ago

Travelling

I went to see my doctor today, he told me “you’re gonna have to stop masturbating” I asked him why and he replied “because I’m trying to examine you”

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By *he sultan of swingMan
over a year ago

mid devon

Those wind turbines though! not a big fan!

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By *he sultan of swingMan
over a year ago

mid devon

I played water polo once! The fucking horse drowned

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To the guy who invented zero, thanks for nothing.

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By *hisisntpofMan
over a year ago

bristol

My grief counsellor died recently ,luckily he was so good i didnt give a shit

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By *hisisntpofMan
over a year ago

bristol

Ill.tell what catches my eye ,

Small people with umbrellas

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You know what I don’t get? A Sunday paper

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By *echnosonic_BrummieMan
over a year ago

Willenhall

Did you know that if you weigh 90kg on Earth you only weigh 34kg on Mars?

So, I'm not fat after all. I'm just on the wrong fucking planet...

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By *he sultan of swingMan
over a year ago

mid devon

What do you get if put nuts on the wall?...Walnuts

What do you get if you put nuts on your chest?...chestnuts

What do you get if you put nuts on your chin? ...MOUTHFULL OF COCK

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why did Spider-Man’s evil twin fail his driving test?

He was a bad parallel Parker

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By *l6789Man
over a year ago

croydon

Did you hear about the man that invented the knock knock joke?

He is getting the Nobel prize

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Got my Viagra mixed up with my sleeping tablet, just had forty wanks.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do the movies “The Titanic” and “The Sixth Sense” have in common?

Icy dead people.

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By *dnmartinMan
over a year ago

Morley

We were so poor when I was growing up, we only had a pocket calculator which didn't have a multiplication button on it.

Times were hard back then.

Er. I'll get my coat.

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By * Sophie xTV/TS
over a year ago

Derby

How do you find Will Smith in the snow??

Follow the Fresh Prince

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By *immyinreadingMan
over a year ago

henley on thames

"Two prostitutes standing on a corner one says to the other tonights going be a good night I can smell the dick in the air the other says sorry I just burped "

Parish priest walking down the road with the curate and they see two prostitutes on a street corner.

“That’s an eyesore”, said the parish priest. “That’s 2 nice whores” replies the curate

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By *aul DeUther-OneMan
over a year ago

Sussex

Y'know why there's no pictures or video of polar bears eating penguins?....

They can't get the wrappers off

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

When writing a story about being a virgin you should always put in the first person

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By *inkyRebelMan
over a year ago

Swindon

A family stayed the night in a cheap motel.

The dad asked the receptionist if the porn in the room is disabled?

The receptionist answered no it's just regular porn, you sicko!

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By *he sultan of swingMan
over a year ago

mid devon

BNAG!

that's bang out of order!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No idea

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

Still no idea

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

100 years ago everybody rode horses around, and only the wealthy could afford cars.

Today everybody drives cars, and only the wealthy can afford horses.

Oh how the stables have turned.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"100 years ago everybody rode horses around, and only the wealthy could afford cars.

Today everybody drives cars, and only the wealthy can afford horses.

Oh how the stables have turned."

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

My wife left me because of my gambling addiction

But I know I can win her back.

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By *he sultan of swingMan
over a year ago

mid devon

When I was a child the doctor said I had to where orthopedic shoes to help my posture I never thought ther would do anything but I stand correct!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I bet nobody will see this one coming…

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I bet nobody will see this one coming…

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I struggle with Roman Numerals until I get to 159.

Then it just CLIX.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I struggle with Roman Numerals until I get to 159.

Then it just CLIX."

I’m still waiting for the applause emoji

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What noise does a mushroom car make?

Shrroooooom!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I asked my German neighbour if he knew the square root of 81. He said no."

Brilliant!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m not racist but, I can’t stand the 200m sprint

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What noise does a mushroom car make?

Shrroooooom!!

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By *lirtyAndFunCouple
over a year ago

Rushden

Yorkshire ravers have started injecting ecstasy straight into their mouths for a faster hit, the procedure is called

E-by-gum

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By *mandajane01TV/TS
over a year ago

Ballymena

"Someone glued my deck of cards together

I don't know how to deal with it

I’m reading a book about the history of glue, I just can’t put it down. "

10 years ago I bought a book “How to avoid procrastination” haven’t got round to reading it yet

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Why did Spider-Man's evil twin fail his driver's test?

He was a bad parallel Parker.

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By *xydadbodMan
over a year ago

Milton keynes

"Why did Spider-Man's evil twin fail his driver's test?

He was a bad parallel Parker."

Speaking of marvel jokes...

Why was Thanos so crazy? He snapped!

Thats a bad one I know

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Where do rainbows go?

Prism, but it’s a light sentence…

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why did Spider-Man's evil twin fail his driver's test?

He was a bad parallel Parker.

Speaking of marvel jokes...

Why was Thanos so crazy? He snapped!

Thats a bad one I know

If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up...

They’d be alloys.

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By *nothercoupleCouple
over a year ago

Exeter

You know why I like jokes about childish behaviour?

It never gets old....

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By *rispyDuckMan
over a year ago

Chinese Takeaway near you

My wife wanted me to brighten up the garden.

So I've planted some bulbs

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By *rAitchMan
over a year ago

Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe

What do you call a septic cat?

Pus.

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By *eliusMan
over a year ago

Henlow

[Removed by poster at 13/03/22 06:08:57]

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By *eliusMan
over a year ago

Henlow

Two cannibals eating a clown, one turns to the other and says: “‘ere’ do you think this meat tastes funny?”

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