FabSwingers.com forum: Dropping the "White Knight" schtik...

By *hiskeyCola OP Man
over a year ago

Oswestry

After 8 weeks or so on here - and may I say how much I'm enjoying it?! Best dating website bar none!! - I've decided to make a very fundamental change to my profile. Whereas previously I had been fishing with a net, you might say - now I have decided to adopt the hook and line method. I've taken the drastic - and actually rather nerve-racking! - decision to actually be a bit more SPECIFIC about the kind of lady I hope to find! To actually express some PREFERENCES!!

Ladies will probably be thinking "um... and..?", But I think the fellas might understand the turmoil which I had to go through to come to this decision. Thoughts like "You're cutting your chances down, mate!" and " You can't say 'No BBW' these days - you'll get crucified!!" loom large in our minds! We're terrified of being ourselves in case the lovely ladies find fault with us.

So I'd like to hear from fellas who have taken this bold step - how did it go..? What drove the decision? Also, what about from guys who think this is a very very bad idea? Why do you think that? And from the ladies - Can you honestly say, hand on heart, that you absolutely would not never ever no sir-ee harshly judge a bloke who expressed a preference for one kind of woman over another..? For one SIZE of woman? For one AGE of woman? Whatever it might be...

Hope to get everybody reflecting honestly and sharing respectfully.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When i actually try to go after a target a rarely miss my mark

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By *hiskeyCola OP Man
over a year ago

Oswestry

"When i actually try to go after a target a rarely miss my mark"

Right. Good one. Thanks

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By *ohn KanakaMan
over a year ago

Not all that North of North London

A profile that will appeal to a small number of women will in my opinion always be far more successful than one desperately trying to cover all bases

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Refreshing! I wish more guys would be open and stop claiming that every type is their type!

White knights are so prevalent and I find it very offputting!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You’re free to look/ask for whatever you want. I don’t see a problem with it but you will probably offend a few.

It may work it may not but at least you’re honest.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wish people would drop the 'white' part of white Knight. It's equally racist.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

Don't a give a flying monkeys if somebody states their preferences. I don't fancy everyone, so why would I expect everyone to fancy me?

As long as those preferences are stated in a kind way who cares?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I wish people would drop the 'white' part of white Knight. It's equally racist."

As far as I know it has nothing to do with skin colour but I think you already knew that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I wish people would drop the 'white' part of white Knight. It's equally racist.

As far as I know it has nothing to do with skin colour but I think you already knew that."

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By *eroLondonMan
over a year ago

Mayfair

I like your profile.

If I was that way inclined I could fancy you myself.

"Once More Unto the Breach..."...

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

Shhhhh it will catch on

You’re still pretty wide at 25-55 , looks like you’re hedging a little still

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By *hiskeyCola OP Man
over a year ago

Oswestry

"Shhhhh it will catch on

You’re still pretty wide at 25-55 , looks like you’re hedging a little still"

Oh shit yeah! Forgot to adjust the age preference in the "looking for" tab!! I'll get on that later...

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By *RANDMRSJAECouple
over a year ago

chester

It’s a very very long bio

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By *dwalu2Couple
over a year ago

Bristol

The way to be succesful in using Fab is to be an honest communicator, so whatever that means to you.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

Go for it OP. It's nice to see a person who a) knows what they want and b) is comfortable enough to be open about it. I've seen a few single male profiles where they're upfront and it's not offputting. More good for them.

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By *ull English with teaMan
over a year ago

London

Good call - I’m very clear on my profile on what I’m looking for and how I want to play.

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By *isstinseltoesWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

I definitely think it's best to be clear about what you're after and stick to that .

It's when people state one thing but show that they don't mean it that it gets complicated.

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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

That's not a bad profile

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

As someone who started his Fab life on a single male profile I never had to take 'this step'.

I never adopted the any holes a goal approach, nor did I subscribe to the notion that women ruled the roost and controlled life on site.

I just did my own thing and contacted who I chose, dicked around on the forums and grew good social networks.

I'm not sure why you made reference to 'White Knights' in this post as that's a completely different topic to changing your approach to fab life and focussing on specific groups.

White knights just agree with anything a woman says and leap to their defence to boost their chances of a shag. It doesn't mean they don't also have preferences, tastes and ideas of who they want to meet. Just because someone wants to come across as a defender of all things female doesn't mean they want to shag anyone and everyone. They just want to look like 'the good guy' that all women will love.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No fat chicks. Unless they're Latina. Got it. All good.

I don't understand the reference to white knighting though? It doesn't make sense.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"As someone who started his Fab life on a single male profile I never had to take 'this step'.

I never adopted the any holes a goal approach, nor did I subscribe to the notion that women ruled the roost and controlled life on site.

I just did my own thing and contacted who I chose, dicked around on the forums and grew good social networks.

I'm not sure why you made reference to 'White Knights' in this post as that's a completely different topic to changing your approach to fab life and focussing on specific groups.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your "preferences" still basically cover any female.

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By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton

What we need around here is a few more shield maidens and no mistaking

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By *hiskeyCola OP Man
over a year ago

Oswestry

"No fat chicks. Unless they're Latina. Got it. All good.

I don't understand the reference to white knighting though? It doesn't make sense. "

Have I misunderstood the term White Knight? Could be - I heard it once or twice on the forums and took it to mean a bloke who tries to be all things for all women...

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By *ickshawedCouple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

I prefer profiles to say what they're looking for. If you're only attracted to thin women, fine. If you only want women whose boobs are bigger than your head, fine. No point trying to talk to people who will have no interest in me. Saves us all time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No fat chicks. Unless they're Latina. Got it. All good.

I don't understand the reference to white knighting though? It doesn't make sense.

Have I misunderstood the term White Knight? Could be - I heard it once or twice on the forums and took it to mean a bloke who tries to be all things for all women...

I think Obi_Fox has explained it clearly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No fat chicks. Unless they're Latina. Got it. All good.

I don't understand the reference to white knighting though? It doesn't make sense.

Have I misunderstood the term White Knight? Could be - I heard it once or twice on the forums and took it to mean a bloke who tries to be all things for all women...

It means a man who tries to ingratiate himself by adopting a moral high ground he can’t really occupy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good luck in your quest young padawan

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By *hiskeyCola OP Man
over a year ago

Oswestry

"What we need around here is a few more shield maidens and no mistaking "

Now I've got to look up what a Shield Maiden is...

Haha!

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

"As someone who started his Fab life on a single male profile I never had to take 'this step'.

I never adopted the any holes a goal approach, nor did I subscribe to the notion that women ruled the roost and controlled life on site.

I just did my own thing and contacted who I chose, dicked around on the forums and grew good social networks.

I'm not sure why you made reference to 'White Knights' in this post as that's a completely different topic to changing your approach to fab life and focussing on specific groups.

I think “back in our day” (god I just dated us!) people use to actually do some research and figure out a lay of the land so speak before entering… they had a much better understanding…

You know… that reading posts thing..you got a feel on how to fit in…

whereas now, just jump in sink or swim!

So there were a lot more people with their own unique selling points going about doing their thing!

Now… it blandy bland as people don’t take the time and think the wider the net is spread the more people they will be and the more chance of success a

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By *hiskeyCola OP Man
over a year ago

Oswestry

"Your "preferences" still basically cover any female. "

Yeah, well... gimme a chance! I'm trying to break the habit of a lifetime here!! Haha! #babysteps

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By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford

Gi for it! We all have preferences hope u find what u desire x

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

*not your target audience*

I prefer to know where I stand in all things in life. Your profile gave me a very clear idea of the type of woman you're looking for and the sort of relationship you're after. I really dislike talking to someone who later down the line steers towards what they actually want rather than what they said to start with.

I doubt that it will affect the number of meets you get but it will certainly ensure that those you do will be with people you actually want to meet.

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

"As someone who started his Fab life on a single male profile I never had to take 'this step'.

I never adopted the any holes a goal approach, nor did I subscribe to the notion that women ruled the roost and controlled life on site.

I just did my own thing and contacted who I chose, dicked around on the forums and grew good social networks.

I'm not sure why you made reference to 'White Knights' in this post as that's a completely different topic to changing your approach to fab life and focussing on specific groups.

I think “back in our day” (god I just dated us!) people use to actually do some research and figure out a lay of the land so speak before entering… they had a much better understanding…

You know… that reading posts thing..you got a feel on how to fit in…

whereas now, just jump in sink or swim!

So there were a lot more people with their own unique selling points going about doing their thing!

Now… it blandy bland as people don’t take the time and think the wider the net is spread the more people they will be and the more chance of success a

'Back in the day'........

A phrase I've learnt to live with well what with me having a few more candles on my cake than Fox!

Yep. The scattergun approach never works but it will generally take people time to work that out, whether single males or couples. Women of course have the opposite problem that goes hand in hand and takes them a while to workout how to solve - excess attention. Filtering up being the quick and easy solution.

Those that get it, get it.

Some take longer than others.

Some never learn.

Some just delete their unsuccessful profiles and think a shiny new one will be the solution.

Bwahahahahahahahaha !

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

Too long for me to read but with regards to the question I much prefer people being honest about what they want rather than the everyone’s beautiful, I have no preferences crap. Wish everyone did that

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"Refreshing! I wish more guys would be open and stop claiming that every type is their type!

White knights are so prevalent and I find it very offputting! "

Didn’t see this before I commented but totally agree. I’ve always preferred the men who actually stand up for themselves on here and who will actually give an honest opinion without worrying people “won’t like them”. They are few and far between.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Your "preferences" still basically cover any female.

Yeah, well... gimme a chance! I'm trying to break the habit of a lifetime here!! Haha! #babysteps

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By *hiskeyCola OP Man
over a year ago

Oswestry

"Too long for me to read but with regards to the question I much prefer people being honest about what they want rather than the everyone’s beautiful, I have no preferences crap. Wish everyone did that

Yes, no, I'm not trying to get people's opinions on my new profile. Honest! I've already taken advice from the two fabbers who have already met me for that. But thanks for addressing my actual question - I'm glad to hear from ladies that I'm doing the right thing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I cant see why somebody would get upset over somebody else's sexual preferences on a swinging site, but then again

I'm not attracted to every man who messages me and if they're not for me/us we politely pass. Each to their own and all that jazz

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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

You're stating your preferences Op. Well all have them. So long as they're done respectfully more power to you. If someone is put off by it or offended that's their issue.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

"After 8 weeks or so on here - and may I say how much I'm enjoying it?! Best dating website bar none!! - I've decided to make a very fundamental change to my profile. Whereas previously I had been fishing with a net, you might say - now I have decided to adopt the hook and line method. I've taken the drastic - and actually rather nerve-racking! - decision to actually be a bit more SPECIFIC about the kind of lady I hope to find! To actually express some PREFERENCES!!

Hope to get everybody reflecting honestly and sharing respectfully.

Depends on how they express their preferences really.

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By *hiskeyCola OP Man
over a year ago

Oswestry

"As someone who started his Fab life on a single male profile I never had to take 'this step'.

I never adopted the any holes a goal approach, nor did I subscribe to the notion that women ruled the roost and controlled life on site.

I just did my own thing and contacted who I chose, dicked around on the forums and grew good social networks.

I'm not sure why you made reference to 'White Knights' in this post as that's a completely different topic to changing your approach to fab life and focussing on specific groups.

Thanks for the reassurance! Good to know that you've been being your true self right from the start and are still doing your thing all these years later! I would love to emulate that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don’t see anything wrong with this and I don’t see why people don’t do this from the start.

Be yourself. State what you like clearly and politely and enjoy. Everyone has their preferences.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I cant see why somebody would get upset over somebody else's sexual preferences on a swinging site, but then again

I'm not attracted to every man who messages me and if they're not for me/us we politely pass. Each to their own and all that jazz

I can see why people get upset if it's done in a rude or crass way.

I've seen a profile before that said "no fatties you have to be under a size 12 if you're not I suggest you get off your fat arse stop eating the donuts and go to the doctor". No problem whatsoever with people's preferences but it does seem to be how it's done that sometimes causes offence.

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

There are many ways to skin a cat and while I haven't looked at your profile there is a big difference between stating a preference and making derogatory remarks towards others.

Like others I don't get the white Knight reference but anyone who knows me through my forum posts or who has actually met me can clearly see that I don't blow smoke up anyones hole.

I'm all about balance and if that rubs some people up the wrong way that's their issue not mine but I'll challenge anyone to find any preference or comment I've made on here that is rude, insulting or derogatory.

It's your profile so you put whatever you want on it and those who are attracted to that will have no issue with it. Those who are not attracted to it will move on passed it unless they are particularly sensitive to something specific.

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By *lephantisMan
over a year ago

Oxford

I cometely take the point about the 'hey, all women are beautiful' takes, which are sweet and lovely and somewhat patronising.

But the reasons I'm not super-specific are two-fold. 1: I love chatting and perhaps meeting socially with people who aren't 'my type' - why wouldn't I? And 2: I genuinely don't have 'a type', except that they need to make my hrart race a little faster and my mouth go dry.

I've had brilliant relationships with very slim women and very large ones; black, Asian, and white women; tall and small; huge breasts, A-cups, and most things in between. Because none of those things defines what attracts me.

That is NOT the same as saying I don't discriminate (in the original sense), because of course I do, like any honest person. It's saying that my desires are inchoate, puckish, liminal, terpsichorean. I was asked out by a model once and said no, because she left me cold. She was beautiful, but not for me.

So stated preferences are honest and great and to be applauded, but some of us don't have our libidos so neatly corraled.

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By *hiskeyCola OP Man
over a year ago

Oswestry

"I cometely take the point about the 'hey, all women are beautiful' takes, which are sweet and lovely and somewhat patronising.

So stated preferences are honest and great and to be applauded, but some of us don't have our libidos so neatly corraled.

This is great! So interesting! You see I'm NOT really very sociable so I really do not want to meet people I'm not likely to fancy. On the other hand, though, I TOTALLY take your point about the cold as ice supermodel!! It's a minefield, innit?!!

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

I don't specify a particular body shape or size ...just think how many intriguing sexy ladies with sparkling personalities I would turn down

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