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I would fuck you but....

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By *egDayEnthusiast OP   Man
19 weeks ago

Liverpool

Why wouldn't you fuck the poster above?

Funniest replies get a peanut M&M

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By (user no longer on site)
19 weeks ago

Im skippin leg day

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By *veragecouple2000Couple
19 weeks ago

South Wales

I’m in work and it would be frowned upon to leave early xx 😄

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By *aveed74Man
19 weeks ago

I don't think I'm worthy!

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By *iking_on_a_bikeMan
19 weeks ago

marlborough

But I would want to come back for more

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By *igCatHuntingMan
19 weeks ago

London

[Removed by poster at 08/01/26 12:37:13]

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *fffunCouple
19 weeks ago

Somewhere just outside London


"But I would want to come back for more"

He's already in his bike

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By *ocialablechapMan
19 weeks ago

Paphos and also SW UK

I'm allergic to Lemons

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By *hwellwhynotCouple
19 weeks ago

London

He's not very zesty

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By *ustus5555Woman
19 weeks ago

Nottingham

Her puddings have all been eaten

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By *arah_kieran_ukCouple
19 weeks ago

Greater London

Boob envy would paralyse me and I’ve already had enough sick days!

Sarah xx

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ister SmoothMan
19 weeks ago

Bramhall


"Her puddings have all been eaten "

Once you get rid of the lurgy...

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By *idnightcowboy69Man
19 weeks ago

cirencester

[Removed by poster at 08/01/26 12:44:46]

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ustus5555Woman
19 weeks ago

Nottingham


"Her puddings have all been eaten

Once you get rid of the lurgy..."

I need a good nursing

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By *az89400Man
19 weeks ago

salford


"Her puddings have all been eaten

Once you get rid of the lurgy...

I need a good nursing "

Im not a qualified nurse may try giving you an examination tho

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By *etwife8230Couple
19 weeks ago

Newport

I left my stethoscope at home

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By *fffunCouple
19 weeks ago

Somewhere just outside London

I'm afraid it's gonna end as a slip and slide... I dnt want to get injured

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By *nionbearMan
19 weeks ago

holmes chapel


"I left my stethoscope at home"

I worry I wouldn't last very long 😂

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By *veragecouple2000Couple
19 weeks ago

South Wales

He worries too much!! Xx 😄

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By *hunkyBuggaMan
19 weeks ago

Devon

They are just average 🤣

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By *oldyoudown41Man
19 weeks ago

Winchester


"He worries too much!! Xx 😄"

I would only end up offending the neighbours

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By *ace400Man
19 weeks ago

near knock

He’s male

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By *nionbearMan
19 weeks ago

holmes chapel


"He worries too much!! Xx 😄"

Stop it you'll have me panic stricken 😂

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By *fffunCouple
19 weeks ago

Somewhere just outside London

I'm not feel horny

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By *egDayEnthusiast OP   Man
19 weeks ago

Liverpool

But your Lollypop is too big for me to handle!

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By (user no longer on site)
19 weeks ago

Im in work and the camera shy won't join

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By *olvesxcoupleCouple
19 weeks ago

Round the bend


"Im in work and the camera shy won't join"

Too cold to get nekkid

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By (user no longer on site)
19 weeks ago

I've already spaffed in my boxers after scrolling your profile

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By *hwellwhynotCouple
19 weeks ago

London

Gotta give hin 20 minutes

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By *ister SmoothMan
19 weeks ago

Bramhall


"Gotta give hin 20 minutes "

I've been struck down with the lurgy

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By *m just me 78Man
19 weeks ago

Preston

I haven't brought my gloves

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By (user no longer on site)
19 weeks ago

My pet dolphin has swimming lessons

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By *olvesxcoupleCouple
19 weeks ago

Round the bend

[Removed by poster at 08/01/26 13:28:17]

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *olvesxcoupleCouple
19 weeks ago

Round the bend


"My pet dolphin has swimming lessons "

He missed the N from the start of his user name

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By (user no longer on site)
19 weeks ago

[Removed by poster at 08/01/26 13:29:39]

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *nionbearMan
19 weeks ago

holmes chapel


"My pet dolphin has swimming lessons

He missed the N from the start of his user name "

I wouldn't want to tear the bin bag 😁

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By *hunkyBuggaMan
19 weeks ago

Devon


"My pet dolphin has swimming lessons

He missed the N from the start of his user name

I wouldn't want to tear the bin bag 😁"

A bit too much penis for my liking

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By (user no longer on site)
19 weeks ago

You don't have a ballerinas build

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By *olvesxcoupleCouple
19 weeks ago

Round the bend


"You don't have a ballerinas build"

He's just tu tu fussy

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By *rd wheelMan
19 weeks ago

Peterborough

Cant think of a reason not too x

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By (user no longer on site)
19 weeks ago


"You don't have a ballerinas build

He's just tu tu fussy "

You have a pointe

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By *oe n JayCouple
19 weeks ago

Surrey

You're straight lol

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By *ammy_xMan
19 weeks ago

Reading

I haven’t got a sexy outfit to wear

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By *onin25Man
19 weeks ago

Durham


"I haven’t got a sexy outfit to wear "

I'm still working my way though Tammy A, B and C

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By (user no longer on site)
19 weeks ago

I need to watch the other 24 Ronin first

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By *olvesxcoupleCouple
19 weeks ago

Round the bend

It would be pointe less

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By (user no longer on site)
19 weeks ago

I'm lacking nuts

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By *hunkyBuggaMan
19 weeks ago

Devon

Messy bumhole

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By (user no longer on site)
19 weeks ago

I wouldn’t be able to stop

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By (user no longer on site)
19 weeks ago


"It would be pointe less "

Too busy pirouetting through the forums

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By *onin25Man
19 weeks ago

Durham


"It would be pointe less "

I'm too busy wrestling with the concept of saying I wouldn't fuck you

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By *nionbearMan
19 weeks ago

holmes chapel

It's too cold

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *lue Eyed JokerMan
19 weeks ago

Always on the move

The union voted for a strike instead

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ammy_xMan
19 weeks ago

Reading

I’m just finishing my wordle

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By *fffunCouple
19 weeks ago

Somewhere just outside London

Too busy changing the bedsheets after my last play 💦 💦

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By *J_1999Man
19 weeks ago

leeds


"I’m just finishing my wordle"

Too busy doing your wordle 😔

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *olvesxcoupleCouple
19 weeks ago

Round the bend


"The union voted for a strike instead "

He should have asked for a stroke

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By (user no longer on site)
19 weeks ago

I'm allergic to non bio detergent

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By *riel13Woman
19 weeks ago

Northampton

I just can't be arsed!

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By (user no longer on site)
19 weeks ago

I think Sebastian might nip by balls

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By *fffunCouple
19 weeks ago

Somewhere just outside London

She's not interested

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By *hunkyBuggaMan
19 weeks ago

Devon

Doesn’t own enough lingerie

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By *onin25Man
19 weeks ago

Durham


"She's not interested"

I'm too busy watching a video about a lemon

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *olvesxcoupleCouple
19 weeks ago

Round the bend


"She's not interested

I'm too busy watching a video about a lemon"

He's only interested in lemons

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *uckMe12FreeMan
19 weeks ago

(User no longer on site)


"She's not interested

I'm too busy watching a video about a lemon

He's only interested in lemons "

I've got nothing 🤷🏼‍♂️

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
19 weeks ago

She's not interested in lemons

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *olvesxcoupleCouple
19 weeks ago

Round the bend


"She's not interested in lemons "

He's too fruity

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By (user no longer on site)
19 weeks ago

She tastes too sour

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *veragecouple2000Couple
19 weeks ago

South Wales

He tells bad jokes!! Xx 😄

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
19 weeks ago

I've got 1999 average couples to do first

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By *etwife8230Couple
19 weeks ago

Newport

He's to busy

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
19 weeks ago

I thought she wanted a wet wipe not wetwife

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By *un biguyMan
19 weeks ago

belfast

I’m too busy dodging the funny quips and puns he’s throwing about

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By (user no longer on site)
19 weeks ago

He didn't dodge fast enough

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By *fffunCouple
19 weeks ago

Somewhere just outside London

His jokes are bad

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
19 weeks ago

She didn't like my jokes she's no fffun

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By *morousCouple8Couple
19 weeks ago

Cumbria

The lemon already got her off

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *idnightcowboy69Man
19 weeks ago

cirencester

You are too sharp for me

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
19 weeks ago

My bedtime is 11

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *weet and SpiceCouple
19 weeks ago

Around the Midlands


"My bedtime is 11"

88 is just not long enough

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By *ervent_fervourMan
19 weeks ago

Halifax

I'm eating scrambled egg on toast.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *fffunCouple
19 weeks ago

Somewhere just outside London


"I'm eating scrambled egg on toast."

U want lemon with that witgh that 😉

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *olo180Man
19 weeks ago

Greater London


"I'm eating scrambled egg on toast.

U want lemon with that witgh that 😉 "

She repeats herself

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
19 weeks ago

He likes to go solo

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *fffunCouple
19 weeks ago

Somewhere just outside London


"I'm eating scrambled egg on toast.

U want lemon with that witgh that 😉

She repeats herself "

He Can only go once... I like it more

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
19 weeks ago

She made me eat lemon muffins

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *lectrictouchMan
19 weeks ago

inverarary

I’m out of your age range

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ustus5555Woman
19 weeks ago

Nottingham

I don't like shocks

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *olo180Man
19 weeks ago

Greater London


"I’m out of your age range "

He’s electrocute ya!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
19 weeks ago

I was shocked when I saw it

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *un biguyMan
19 weeks ago

belfast

[Removed by poster at 08/01/26 14:17:03]

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *un biguyMan
19 weeks ago

belfast

He flew away on a broom

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *nionbearMan
19 weeks ago

holmes chapel

Don't know whether the ferry is running

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
19 weeks ago

I hear the bears are attracted to menstruation

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ervent_fervourMan
19 weeks ago

Halifax


"I'm eating scrambled egg on toast.

U want lemon with that witgh that 😉 "

Hmm.might be a bit tart on the tongue.

Can you give me some sugar too?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
19 weeks ago

Your not my kind of fervour

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ervent_fervourMan
19 weeks ago

Halifax

Fervour comes in many flavours after all.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
19 weeks ago

Last time I went to Halifax I got lost in Eureka

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *olvesxcoupleCouple
19 weeks ago

Round the bend


"Last time I went to Halifax I got lost in Eureka"

He went to Halifax thinking it was a sperm bank

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
19 weeks ago

They wouldn't let me take a withdrawal without a deposit first

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *olvesxcoupleCouple
19 weeks ago

Round the bend

Can't bank on him

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
19 weeks ago

Insufficient funds available

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ormagenericlblokeMan
19 weeks ago

Hertfordshire


"Can't bank on him "

Too busy counting her dollars

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
19 weeks ago

He's just a normal generic bloke

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ormagenericlblokeMan
19 weeks ago

Hertfordshire


"He's just a normal generic bloke"

tbf I am lol

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *olvesxcoupleCouple
19 weeks ago

Round the bend


"Can't bank on him

Too busy counting her dollars"

Cba to cheque him out

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
19 weeks ago

She's not the leader of her pack

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *hunkyBuggaMan
19 weeks ago

Devon

It’s Thursday

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
19 weeks ago

I like my buggas chunkier

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *earditallWoman
19 weeks ago

Lancaster

Ive just eaten

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
19 weeks ago

You've heard them all before

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *lue Eyed JokerMan
19 weeks ago

Always on the move


"Ive just eaten"

You've just eaten. Best to let it settle

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ace400Man
19 weeks ago

near knock


"Ive just eaten"
she’s just eaten and might not be that energetic with to much food

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *olvesxcoupleCouple
19 weeks ago

Round the bend


"Ive just eaten she’s just eaten and might not be that energetic with to much food "

You're a gentleman 🫶🏼

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *lue Eyed JokerMan
19 weeks ago

Always on the move


"Ive just eaten she’s just eaten and might not be that energetic with to much food

You're a gentleman 🫶🏼"

Im usually 4 posts behind due to my slow reactions and chubby thumbs, so you never know 😂

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *j188Couple
19 weeks ago

aberdeenshire

Too much snow!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *idnightcowboy69Man
19 weeks ago

cirencester

Your nipples could poke my eyes out

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *fffunCouple
19 weeks ago

Somewhere just outside London

You're a night owl so asleep now

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ace400Man
19 weeks ago

near knock


"You're a night owl so asleep now"

Can’t wake her up

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ixed_MinxWoman
19 weeks ago

London

You're too thick to function

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *r lotharioMan
19 weeks ago

newcastle under lyme

i'm too codgerified for you

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
19 weeks ago


"i'm too codgerified for you"

Your eyes are creeping me out 😂

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *morousCouple8Couple
19 weeks ago

Cumbria


"i'm too codgerified for you

Your eyes are creeping me out 😂"

You only like my personality

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
19 weeks ago

Wouldn’t be able to stop

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *hunkyBuggaMan
19 weeks ago

Devon


"i'm too codgerified for you

Your eyes are creeping me out 😂

You only like my personality "

Has the worst farts 💨

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *olvesxcoupleCouple
19 weeks ago

Round the bend


"i'm too codgerified for you

Your eyes are creeping me out 😂

You only like my personality

Has the worst farts 💨 "

He won't let me sniff his bumhole

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
19 weeks ago


"i'm too codgerified for you

Your eyes are creeping me out 😂

You only like my personality

Has the worst farts 💨

He won't let me sniff his bumhole "

She has a weird fetish 😳

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *fffunCouple
19 weeks ago

Somewhere just outside London

You're too busy seducing all the guys

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ustus5555Woman
19 weeks ago

Nottingham

I'm cooking dinner

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *morousCouple8Couple
19 weeks ago

Cumbria


"i'm too codgerified for you

Your eyes are creeping me out 😂

You only like my personality

Has the worst farts 💨

He won't let me sniff his bumhole "

She complained last time I clenched and said “got your nose”

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *tannersMan
19 weeks ago

stanley


"i'm too codgerified for you

Your eyes are creeping me out 😂

You only like my personality

Has the worst farts 💨

He won't let me sniff his bumhole

She complained last time I clenched and said “got your nose”"

I’m waiting for Wedding Dress Wednesday 😉

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *un biguyMan
19 weeks ago

belfast

Teach him how to button a shirt

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *olvesxcoupleCouple
19 weeks ago

Round the bend


"Teach him how to button a shirt "

You're too busy making me a brew

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *arah_kieran_ukCouple
19 weeks ago

Greater London


"Teach him how to button a shirt

You're too busy making me a brew "

I’d be too busy trying on all your amazing shoes/boots

Sarah xx

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *pankingNorfolkCouple
19 weeks ago

Norwich ish


"Teach him how to button a shirt

You're too busy making me a brew

I’d be too busy trying on all your amazing shoes/boots

Sarah xx"

The ManUtd shirt gave me the ick

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *om_38Man
19 weeks ago

stoke

Norwich is a bit of a trek

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ace400Man
19 weeks ago

near knock


"Teach him how to button a shirt

You're too busy making me a brew

I’d be too busy trying on all your amazing shoes/boots

Sarah xx"

to busy trying on shoes:boots

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *andsCouple
19 weeks ago

Edin

I’ve already been to Ireland

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *aGaGagging for itCouple
19 weeks ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

.... I wouldn't know whether to jingle your balls or trick your treat!

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By *olvesxcoupleCouple
19 weeks ago

Round the bend

They ain't _agagagging for it

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By *andsCouple
19 weeks ago

Edin

You look sexier in a bin bag than I would

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *artorialMan
19 weeks ago

weymouth

Storm gaortti has arrived and I can't get off the island

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *eardyManMCRMan
19 weeks ago

manchester

[Removed by poster at 08/01/26 19:02:23]

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *fffunCouple
19 weeks ago

Somewhere just outside London

Stroke his beard.? 🤷‍♀️

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *hunkyBuggaMan
19 weeks ago

Devon

I’d get caught up on those fishnets

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *olvesxcoupleCouple
19 weeks ago

Round the bend


"I’d get caught up on those fishnets"

You'd keep coming back for moreb

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *rchie300Man
19 weeks ago

Hamworthy

Because my wife was screaming at the TV, "Don't go in the church you stupid B! tch!" | asked, "What are you watching ?”

She said,

"Our wedding video."😂

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *fffunCouple
19 weeks ago

Somewhere just outside London

[Removed by poster at 08/01/26 20:27:45]

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *fffunCouple
19 weeks ago

Somewhere just outside London

[Removed by poster at 08/01/26 20:27:47]

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *fffunCouple
19 weeks ago

Somewhere just outside London


"Because my wife was screaming at the TV, "Don't go in the church you stupid B! tch!" | asked, "What are you watching ?”

She said,

"Our wedding video."😂"

need to stay aWay from him... I got a warning from his wife

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By *ormalfornorfolkMan
19 weeks ago

Norwich

You wouldn’t touch me with a ten foot stick.

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By *usurrusCouple
19 weeks ago

North West

Because he's normal for Norfolk.

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By *fffunCouple
19 weeks ago

Somewhere just outside London

You're too buy scheming

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By (user no longer on site)
19 weeks ago


"You're too buy scheming "

I am nowhere near London

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By *rchie300Man
19 weeks ago

Hamworthy

I can’t because I was beaten up by a big

Busty woman in an elevator. Evidently I was

staring at her BOOBS when she said, "Would you please press one ……

So I did.

I don’t

remember much after that.

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By *eroLondonMan
19 weeks ago

Mayfair

...I'm sitting on the bench for this one. 🌈

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By *usurrusCouple
19 weeks ago

North West

We are unable to compete with your shoe collection.

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By *eldnlad69Man
19 weeks ago

Elephant and Castle

I’m just shy of your age requirement

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By *r lotharioMan
19 weeks ago

newcastle under lyme

i don't have a big enough tv remote

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By *aGaGagging for itCouple
19 weeks ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

There's only one Newcastle and you don't live there!

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By *ace400Man
19 weeks ago

near knock


"There's only one Newcastle and you don't live there!"

I got to get to the correct Newcastle

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By *orkieBar1000Man
19 weeks ago

York


"There's only one Newcastle and you don't live there!

I got to get to the correct Newcastle "

I don’t want to visit his back yard…

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *r lotharioMan
19 weeks ago

newcastle under lyme

he gets enough hen do's in york, don't need me lol

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By *fffunCouple
19 weeks ago

Somewhere just outside London

Ur a minions fan

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By *ammy_xMan
19 weeks ago

Reading


"Ur a minions fan"

Im shy

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By *ervent_fervourMan
19 weeks ago

Halifax

I'm on a train.

Ooh.

Wait a minute..

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By (user no longer on site)
19 weeks ago

I'm in the wrong carriage

Ooh matron

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By (user no longer on site)
19 weeks ago


"I'm in the wrong carriage

Ooh matron"

I’m bus washing my hair

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By (user no longer on site)
19 weeks ago

I don't run for fun

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By *ace400Man
19 weeks ago

near knock


"I don't run for fun"

He can’t run

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By *fffunCouple
19 weeks ago

Somewhere just outside London

He will have coffee breath after his meet

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By *onin25Man
19 weeks ago

Durham


"He will have coffee breath after his meet"

Alexa won't turn up to drown out the screaming

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By *fffunCouple
19 weeks ago

Somewhere just outside London


"He will have coffee breath after his meet

Alexa won't turn up to drown out the screaming "

😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 So true she's a b*tch... She never listen to me.

Plus your too busy rn trying to finish in the cam rooms 😜

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By *onin25Man
19 weeks ago

Durham


"He will have coffee breath after his meet

Alexa won't turn up to drown out the screaming

😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 So true she's a b*tch... She never listen to me.

Plus your too busy rn trying to finish in the cam rooms 😜"

Try having a North East accent no electronic device unders_ands you.

And I'd fuck you but you're supposed to be working

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By *r lotharioMan
19 weeks ago

newcastle under lyme

you're a mercenary without a master

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By *vjanine1983TV/TS
17 weeks ago

darlington

…..but my grannies already prepped and waiting for you 😂😂😂

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