FabSwingers.com: UnclePeter (87) , Man in Bristol, South West, UK

I have been naughty all of my life, it all started when I was abused, and I loved every frecking moment of it!

I did National service, and the British army really looked after all our sexual needs, they would erect signs in the red light districts saying “out of bounds to all military personnel” to show us where all the best venues were! Eventually... I got caught taking fellow squaddies into a German house of low repute, and was sentenced to ten days in an Army prison, shortly after my stint in the Jankers they promoted me for being a leader of men!

I ritualistically shave my testicles but I like keeping my bermuda triangle intact… I occasionally like vajazzling me muff, well we all like a little sparkle in our life don't we! I got really creative and stuck loads of diamante crystals on me phallic architecture… It ended up looking like the Blackpool tower with two sensationally stylish ballrooms at the bottom! My bouffant is genuine, and I like to coiffure and volumize it with Poundland hair spray which keeps it nice and stiff... Because I'm Worth It!

I have been a member of Chameleons since before the war… Allegedly all the staff are my love children. I live in a Ménage à trios relationship with the lovely and very naughty nympho69maniac... Help!

I am quite a Tea-potting connoisseur (using a computer mouse and wanking at the same time) and have collected over 5,346 computer viruses… Porn sites should be more responsible and practice safe sex... It's a disgrace, don't they have any moral standards!

After 81 years of visiting Brothels, Strip Joints, Gay Bars, Dogging Sites, Massage Parlours, Sex Shops, Sex Cinemas, Bingo Halls, and Henry-the-Vacuum-Cleaner… The authorities finally rewarded me with a free TV licence (how did they find out I like to cross dress?) Anyhow its about time they gave me a knighthood for my services to the porn and sex industry… Any title with Privy or Garter in it will do! They could appoint me for upholding standards… Prostitutes, Rent Boys, Sordid Sex Parties… Ohh what a dream job! It's little wonder they need to take naps during debates!

Ambition… I have always wanted to shag someone the same age as me!… So next time you attend a club, please bring your Mum along with you... As an added bonus... Bring your Dad as well!… Hmm… Considering I’m getting-on-a-bit, maybe you should bring your Grannie and Grandad as well!

Legal Nonsense…

Sydney University… I tried to protect me privates, and your survey did a good job of outing um!.. As I've had no prior connection with academic institutions, I think an honorary degree in perversion would be a most suitable award, and subject for me to lecture genuine hard working intoxicated undergraduates.

If your ever in Chameleons… come over and say hello… And… I will wrap my cock around your wrist!

XxX

Uncle Peter

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