FabSwingers.com: September_Oct (51) , Man in ramsgate, South East, UK

Weird Facts About Me:

I have a favorite traffic cone (it’s not weird if it’s mutual).

I can recite the alphabet backwards but only under duress.

I once dreamt I married a loaf of garlic bread and honestly, it felt real.

I’ve named every charger cable I own. Kevin keeps disappearing.

Odd Hobbies I Enjoy:

Dramatically narrating my life like it’s a nature documentary.

Collecting fortunes from cookies and trying to summon something.

Making “potions” in the kitchen that are definitely just smoothies but I wear a cape.

Ranking puddles.

Speed-walking like I’m being chased by existential dread (because I am).

My Previous Life: Lost Cat Poster Designer

Before all this—before love, before dating apps—I was deep in the game. Lost cat posters. Hundreds of them. Fluffy, Mittens, Chairman Meow… I gave them all a chance.

Did I ever find a single cat? No.

Did I develop an emotional attachment to every single feline I never met? Unfortunately, yes.

Sometimes I still wake up at 3am whispering, “Whiskers, come home.”

It’s changed me.

I now approach every romantic interaction like a missing pet notice:

“Answers to ‘Babe,’ probably scared. May run if approached too fast. Rewards in cuddles.”

So if you ever see me staring longingly at a telephone pole… don’t worry. It’s just residual poster trauma.

Testimonial from "Sir Meowington III" – Formerly Lost, Spiritually Unavailable:

“I didn’t ask to be found. I was living my best feral life behind a sushi restaurant. But then he came along—with glitter gel pens and a passion for Helvetica Bold.

His poster? Iconic. His emotional investment? Frankly, alarming.

I returned out of pity. Stayed for the snacks.

Would I trust him with my heart? No.

Would I trust him to design a visually striking poster under pressure? Absolutely.”

– ?? Sir Meowington III, freelance diva

Testimonial from “Crumb” – Definitely a Fox, Not Even Slightly a Cat:

“He thought I was a cat.

I played along because the treats were decent and he told me I had ‘gentle eyes full of mystery.’

For three days, I lived in his apartment. We watched Shrek 2. He made me a bed out of towels and whispered things like, ‘You’re safe now, Snickerdoodle.’

When he realized I was a fox, he just nodded solemnly and said, ‘That explains the vibe.’

10/10 would haunt his porch again.”

– ?? Crumb, chaotic neutral

Testimonial from “Gary” – Print Shop Employee, Survivor:

“At first, it was just one poster. ‘Missing Cat – responds to Princess Lasagna.’ Harmless enough.

But then it escalated. Daily visits. Glitter accents. A custom font called Feline Gothic.

I asked if the cats were even real. He just stared at me and whispered, ‘They’re all real in my heart.’

We lost three interns that summer.

He brought in snacks for them. The cats. Not the interns.”

– ?? Gary, still recovering

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