FabSwingers.com: BigArseDaddy (51) , Man in London, Greater London, UK

ABSTRACT:

No kissing = oral only, 100% no bussy.

Proper kissing = full-on old-school sex.

Kinks a bonus.

100% NO to: drugs, chems, HNH, rewards, Uber fares, poor hygiene, anon sex, phone or cyber sex, “dom tops”, cumdumping, wankers, gooners, edgers.

More details below.

FULL VERSION FOR THE LITERATE:

Gym and yoga-fit discreet well groomed and socialised bottom daddy. Neither fem, nor trans. Silky-smooth, wrinkle-free, olive-skinned. Lean, tight, supple. DRUGS AND CHEMS FREE. Last tested 18.10.2024, clean as a whistle. Sensual and/or kinky. I’m all about QUALITY.

YOU

Hygienic and recently tested fit solvent well-bred sensual top of any background or sexuality. Please be free from drugs/chems.

CONSUMMATE SNOGGERS check out Option 2 below.

If you DON’T LIKE KISSING — check out Option 1 below.

INTO:

Option 1: ORAL ONLY.

Unhurried proper cock worship, luxurious suck, and highly gratifying swallow. Nipple play, if you fancy that.

I do the job, no need to reciprocate. I love everything about the cock - the shape, the smell, the feel, the taste - let me indulge both you and myself. Discretion guaranteed.

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Option 2: FULL-ON SEX.

Unhurried old-school sensual sex with all the classic trimmings. Expert KISSING and proper FOREPLAY are ESSENTIAL prior to penetration. (Seriously, this deluxe bussy won’t open up without deluxe kissing.)

The actual term is ‘MAKING LOVE’. I want to meet people who (want to) know what that means. I’m not after a relationship, just sensual sex. Regular would be grand.

NO PSYCHIATRICALLY DYSFUNCTIONAL MUTUALLY DEGRADING BASIC-BITCH SUBSTITUTES like below:

- “I don’t kiss.” Take a huge step back and literally fuck your own face.

- “Wait for me face down ass up!” The fucking nerve!

- “I don’t kiss men.” Stay home, have a wank then.

- “Can you get me an Uber?” I can get you a job.

- “I don’t have pics because I’m discreet but I want you to rim me and serve my cock.” Fuck right off and take your whole family with you.

- “Fuck and go?” That’ll be a frozen day in hell.

- “I just want to use that ass, don’t share pics I’m afraid but I’m nice.” As if!

- “I only kiss women.” Go fuck them then.

- “Anon cumdump?” Do I look like I hate myself?

- “I kiss sometimes.” Non-starter, dismissed.

- “You got a glory hole?” Yes and I hired your mother to operate it.

- “Give me that pussy! I fuck like a train!” Trains don’t fuck, sweetie. They don’t show up on time or stop half way through the journey.

- “Let’s wank each other!” Meh.

- “We are three tops on chems, wanna come join us?” Zero interest.

- “Door on latch, lights out, ass up?” I’m not out of my mind.

- “Can I stream you sucking me?” No, I’m not your sister.

- “I wanna destroy your hole.” Thanks, I’d rather keep it.

- “I only play when hnh, my slut gets me 8th of Charlie and drink then all night black daddy pleasure, I’m in charge.” Broke-ass drughead top who can’t buy his own gear. Sexy!

- “I’ll watch porn and WhatsApp my buddies while you’re sucking me off.” Get a life!

- “I need a hole to unload into.” Get that from your homie.

- “I’m a dom top. I don’t kiss, I don’t suck, I don’t rim.” Truly deplorable.

- “I need a sex gimp to serve me 24/7.” I really doubt you earn enough to afford me like that.

- “Wank to porn together?” Yawn. Am I fucking 13 years old?

- “I will kiss you if you pay me £25.” I will give you £25 to get lost.

- “Hey, sub bitch, come service me!” Eye-roll.

- “Can I skullfuck you and ruin your throat?” For crying out loud.

- “I’ll wait until you change your mind about kissing.” Start holding your breath now!

- “Can I come and just finger your ass? I don’t kiss, I don’t touch.” Ask your dad, he will be happy to oblige.

- “Suck me for two hours while I smoke pot?” Invest in a Fleshlight!

- “Dress up, put a mask on, turn the lights off, leave the door open, I’ll walk in and fuck your ass.” Ask that from your mother for your birthday.

- “Wanna watch me wank on cam?” Fam, you’re a joke.

- “Facefuck you, use your ass, and go?” Ffs.

- “Can you give me a four-hour handjob (“edging” ffs)?” Jog on!

- “I need a hole for my cock.” Try the keyhole in your hostel entrance door.

- “Come let me use you, faggot bitch!” You should be so lucky, cunt!

- “Put knickers and stockings on, cover your face and upper body, and wait for me bare ass up”. I’d rather pay for your therapy.

- “Can I walk in and slide in you?” That’ll be the day.

- “Play with your ass on cam for me!” I’ll subcontract that to your Dad.

- “Use your holes”, “destroy your ass”, “abuse you, you faggot”, etc.? You’re charming the knickers off me!

- “I want massage!” Do I look like a massage-a-freeloader charity to you?

- “I have no face picture, I don’t give out my number, my name is “Jay”, can I come and use your ass?” Do you know how to go fuck yourself or do you need detailed instructions?

- Can you enter my home without as much as saying hello, use me as a blindfolded human Fleshlight, and leave? You guessed it right: NO!

The above are all actual offers I received. Yeah, that’s the level these days. You bitches are tripping! LOL

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Option 3: KINKS & FETISHES.

True story: Fab once banned me for just typing in a message what I like for kinks.

Kinks are a bonus not the goal. Just to give you an idea what I can be up for:

- F0rc€d sex play

- Outdoor breeding

- Public sex

- Sports gear (fucking while wearing jocks, socks, trainers, sweatpants etc.)

- Voyeurism (that is, watching other people having sex in-person, not on cam. Happy to film you too as requested.)

- Role play (various incl. taboo)

- Tag teaming (sharing me with your buddy)

- Balaclavas and masks

- Musky crotch/underwear/pits

- Shooting sexy videos

- CMNM (clothed male/naked male, me being the latter)

- Cum play

- Cuddling and snuggling

- Sexual Master/sub play with a naturally dominant and physically fit sir. Submitting to strong masculine will is such a turn-on.

More things that I like are listed further down.

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FUN FACTS ABOUT ME

• I don’t do chems/drugs ever at all. I make a living using my brain and can’t afford to have it scrambled just because you can’t have sex without a chemical high.

• I have a productive and eventful life outside this. So I’m not exactly lying on the floor with my bare ass up 24/7 on the off-chance you might be in the mood to offload your pent-up semen into something. Advance booking or ample notice essential.

• I’m not a habitual crossdresser who feels sexy as a pretend woman. I have lacy holdups, thongs, and foxy suspenders for that special day when a macho gazpacho man’s man will show up, sweep me off my feet, and make me feel like a submissive sexual kitten. That said, I’ve no chance to be convincing, I have no faintest how to put makeup on, and my designer stubble is not going anywhere.

• My ass is big but it’s not your ginormous jiggly wobbly fem fertility-goddess fatberg fantasy. It’s pure muscle with just enough subcutaneous fat for the velvety sensual padding.

• A regular reliable fuckbuddy would be just the ticket.

• I don’t do Kick, Snap, Insta, Twitter, Telegram and such like. Nor do I have the slightest inclination to download any of that garbage because you’re scared to upload your pictures here.

• I own a water flosser and use it twice a day. Do you?

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HYGIENE

I am rigorously hygienic: body, sexual, dental, mental.

I use only natural hand-made personal hygiene products. No suffocating chemical odours from supermarket deodorants and fabric softeners. My clothes smell like the wind. I mix my own perfumes and body lotions from essential oils. Think myrrh, think frankincense, think sandal wood. Always clean, groomed, and smelling like the Queen of Sheba on her visit to King Solomon.

Please at least TAKE A SHOWER and BRUSH YOUR TEETH before meeting. That’s basic manners for anyone aspiring to be a civilised human being. So is WASHING YOUR ASS CRACK with soap and water every time after shitting. To that you can also add flossing out kebab bits before hooking up with another person.

CLEAN groomed HANDS AND FEET are a sign of a properly raised human being. Please make sure that your NAILS don’t look like you finger coalminers for a hobby. If your lower extremities look like hooves with talons, it means you belong more to the animal kingdom. That’s definitely not my type of kink.

A regular DENTAL checkup makes you a sexier person. Missing or rotting teeth do not. In this country dental care is free on the NHS if you’re broke, so no excuses. Besides, modern dentistry is literally painless. If you have 80 quid for a gram of snow, you can spend that to visit a dental hygienist.

MOISTURISE (especially Wypepo, especially old Wypepo)! MALE SKIN CARE is not only for metrosexuals and preening queens, it’s part of a healthy lifestyle. Commercial moisturisers, albeit not ideal, are a decent start and prevention from a sad tired puffy blotchy wrinkly face and dry flaking and sagging body skin looking like a palimpsest straight from an ancient tomb. Neglected skin reeks of decay and demise and is the opposite of sexy.

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SEXUAL HEALTH

I am clean, healthy, regularly tested at a UCLH-affiliated clinic (latest on 12.07.2024), on event-based PreP. Vaccinated: Hep A and B, HPV, monkey pox, tetanus, and rabies (in case you turn out a total mad beast in bed!).

Prefer people with the same attitude to their and others’ health. If you want bareback, send a screenshot of your recent STD test results. Free discreet anonymous STD testing available here: www.SHL.uk

Remember, chlamydia is not a family heirloom! Get checked, get rid!

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GOOD TO KNOW: 12 RULES OF HOOKUP ENGAGEMENT by Jerkin Dickerson

1. I HOST. Discretion guaranteed. Pandering to your extreme social paranoia is not.

If you insist I TRAVEL to yours, make sure your place is not an abominable filthy pigsty, clogged up with semi-dirty clothing, half-used shampoo bottles, and a year’s worth of takeaway boxes, looking like you need professional psychiatric help with hoarding and removing caked snivel from your bedroom carpeting. I won’t degrade myself by having sex in a stonking mess.

2. I’m a sucker for a good FACE. Not really after model looks, more into a nice manly face of any race or skin colour (a good beard is sheer magic!). Random blurry pics of body parts rarely do it for me, unless your physique is truly outstanding. A good face pic, however, can do that instant trick (and access to this top-grade voluptuous ass will be your reward).

3. FOREPLAY is an essential part of sex — unless you think of an ass or a vagina as somebody’s DM on Snap and you can just slide in unannounced, which is sociopathic, developmentally dysfunctional, and definitely requires an intervention therapy. I’ve seen giraffes in Kruger making out for hours before mating. Animals seem to know better than many humans here.

Your WHOLE BODY is a SEXUAL ORGAN. I like my entire ass eaten and my body licked and kissed all over. My neck is sensitive and responsive to kisses, so my ears and my back and my knees and... More than happy to reciprocate and help you discover the true sensuality of your body. I love MUTUAL tactile exploration, kissing and caressing, back rubs, and massages as well as taking lush showers and scented baths together.

You are depriving yourself of 90% of FULL HUMAN SEXUAL PLEASURE by only focussing on hastily planting your carrot in any hole, “nutting” (are you a squirrel?), and dashing right back to the mental coma of doom-scrolling through your social media and favourite porn sites.

4. Yes, some people photograph better, some worse, but a FACE/BODY/COCK PICTURE is still worth a thousand words. You’re reading this on a 21st century phone with an excellent camera, so please don’t send me your blurry mug shot made with a 1988 Casio calculator. There’s a 100% chance that you were drawn to my profile based on my pictures. Give me the same chance to be drawn to you!

5. I’m very much into THE FINER THINGS IN LIFE. Just to give a sneak-preview idea: if I really like you, I will give you a body scrub with hand-made Aleppo soap I bought in Lebanon and Icelandic geyser sand I picked myself and rub you down with a homemade fragrant body lotion (pure cocoa butter + pure shea butter + myrrh + frankincense oil). Candles, incense, and perfectly arranged play lists of sexy music are a given. I qualified for Swedish and can give deep tissue and Thai massage (for love, not for money). Much more for the deserving…

6. REGULAR FUCKBUDDY PREFERRED A reliable and drama-free regular FB/FWB would be ideal. Utter discretion guaranteed. I don’t mind whatever sexuality or marital status you have. No judgement, even in my thoughts.

7. CALL YOU AN UBER? Your expensive taxi habit needs to stay self-funded. If you can’t afford Uber, take the bus or get a job. Or hitch hike like I did when I was a skint student. If you can’t afford to come to mine, you don’t deserve to fuck. Sexual Darwinism in action.

8. “DOM TOP” scrounging for money, gear, and rides is pathetic and deeply unsexy. If I pay you, that effectively makes you my bitch and I can’t let that happen to you, can I, my darlink petal dom top?

9. I can meet during REGULAR SOCIABLE HOURS. I won’t jump up and run to service your sexual needs at silly o’clock at night because you have no job and yet can afford to get high on a daily basis. I’ve a full-on daytime life to take care of and enjoy.

10. People with Third World level TIMEKEEPING SKILLS are one of the biggest reason why Britain has been long stuck with the lowest productivity among all developed countries. The sheer amount of time wasted by a majority of people on Fab too is staggering.

As a result, Fab’s RESIDENT TIMEWASTERS have turned what was supposed to be a fun hookup arrangement into an excruciatingly frustrating drawn-out and, more often than not, futile palaver because many of you just haven’t been brought up well enough to respect either other people’s or your own time. Y’all really need to get your backward ill-bred shit together and try to actually act like you live in one of the world’s pre-eminent capitals, not (any more) in a godforsaken donkey-fucking village on the outskirts of the known world where time has no value and every day is like any other.

11. CHEMS & DRUGS I have no need or desire to take any. I’ve no idea where to get them. I won’t sponsor any purchases. If any substance helps you go on for hours or come multiple times, knock yourself out. Your expensive drug/chems habit stays 100% self-funded.

12. PAY YOU TO KISS ME OR FUCK ME? With this ass, I should actually charge YOU but I won’t out of my sheer innate goodness.

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FYI:

What you see in PORN is scripted, directed, edited, chemically enhanced, and done for money. It’s done by actors who are paid to act. Acting IS NOT REALITY. Please don't try that at home. The results are mostly deplorable.

So lots of things that you see in PORN may look good to you (because they are a directed and acted FAKE FANTASY) but they are not what would make you feel in REAL LIFE. Like getting your rectum destroyed by an angry 11-incher who rams it like he hates you is not what will give you an actual anal orgasm. Squirming and writhing in pain because he’s hitting you too hard and ignores your pained whimpering is NOT what it is meant to feel like.

HUGE COCK maketh for good sex not. Nine inches is not a pretext for behaving like a sedated log in bed.

Similarly, taking loads of semen up your ass from 27 or more anonymous strangers will neither leave you satisfied nor will fill that sucking void in your heart left by your emotionally distant father who didn’t hug you when you were a kid.

DISRESPECTFUL CLOSETED “STRAIGHT” MEN who crave to fuck gay ass but also despise you for that, you can fuck off straight back to the emotional hell of living in London 2024 yet never benefitting from one of the world’s and history’s most liberal places. The negativity you carry inside is deeply off-putting and deplorable. Please deal with it on your own time.

MANNERS, BITCHES, MANNERS! There is more than a fine line between cute swag and uncouth off-putting rudeness. The former is attractive, the latter is anything but. I can surely appreciate a dirty joke, cheeky attitude, and a bit of called-for dirty language as the next guy. Poor manners, however, are a major turn-off.

AGE is, indeed, but a number. I’ve met some delightfully mature young men and deliciously fit senior blokes much older than myself and I find both types very sexy and attractive. Their opposites, however, are not my thing. Neither behaving like an ill-bred squirrel on too many espressos ODing on too much bad porn nor having neglected your body fitness and skin care your entire life bode well for a mutually enjoyable sexual encounter.

COMMUNICATION RULES:

- All pictures will be exchanged here.

- I have no Snap, Kik, Twitter, etc. No plans to get any ever.

- I will only send my address to your phone/ WhatsApp number.

- Too discreet to show your face and give me your number? Then I’m too discreet to give you my address.

- Mind your manners and language every step of the way.

- Headless, numberless, pictureless, nameless, faceless, mannerless people won’t be let in through my door.

- You stand me up once, you are blocked for life.

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THINGS THAT ARE HOT:

Expert kissers

People with no sexual hang-ups

Beards

Tattoos

All races and skin tones

Vanilla sensuality

Rough sensuality

Advanced sexual libertines

Masculine smells

Arab colognes

Clean sweaty pits

Hairy bodies

Smooth bodies

Slim bodies

Toned bodies

Muscular bodies

Dad bods

Sensual and tactile foreplay

Passion

Connection

Intimacy

Sensuality

Cut cocks

Uncut cocks

A beautifully shaped cock to slowly worship in its entirety

Unhurried deep strokes

Musky underwear

Musky balls

Mutual massages

Cuddling

Essential oils scented baths together

Sleepovers

Breakfast the morning after

etc...

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AND THINGS THAT ARE NOT:

Non-kissers

Anon sex

Phimosis

Body funk

Bad breath

Dandruff

Poor skin care

People not at ease with their sexuality

Cyber and phone sex

Disturbed sociopaths playing deranged mind games (80% of this site, you know who you are, your parents are ashamed of you!)

Chemical smells of commercial deodorants and fabric softeners

People who don’t wash their butt with water and soap asking to be rimmed

People asking to suck their cock right after it’s been up my ass

People expecting “door on latch, ass up”

Subbing for lazy selfish sexually inept tops

Broke-ass individuals on the scrounge for cab fares, gifts, chems, cigs, and money

Rude cunts brought up in a barn who don’t know the words hello, please, and thank you.

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Hereby concludes my community service, which I felt obliged to fulfill given the dramatic drop in manners, hygiene, and sexual practices over the last decade. The absence of social control online, where most of gay life has switched to, seems to have given way to the worst of humanity proliferating and standards of social interaction tumbling precipitously.

This has been my humble contribution to calling a spade a spade and calling out dem dumb bitches on their deplorable ways. Thanks for your attention.

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