FabSwingers.com: Mav (40) , Man in walsall, West Midlands, UK

I am a shallow, conceited, arrogant prick. I can also be the most sincere, thoughtful, gentleman you meet. I believe life is all about taking chances and meeting new people, experiencing new things, and having your perceptions altered. People think they have a "type." People think I have a "type." I prefer not to categorize people.

Personally, I like to go out to bars, museums, clubs, restaurants, malls, etc. I like to have a good time wherever I am and I love to laugh and make others laugh. In my time alone I enjoy keeping up with the news, staying fit, and drinking wine. I love to cook at home, kick back in my robe and watch movies with a spicy cigar or smooth scotch...or both. I do give foot rubs if I like you.

If you're the type who just looks at pictures to decide who you will talk to, that's great; I can be just as one-dimensional as you. If you actually read profiles that's cool, too; I love conversation.

Please don't waste my time if you're still "figuring out what you want" or any of that BS. You need to know you want me and be up front if you don't. I don't respond to games. I'm mature enough to walk away and I hope you are, too.

I love music of all sorts. I'll get down with whatever's good. I've got my tastes but I'm not a snob. I like Lady Gaga as much as I do Sinatra, however I hate the Black Eyed Peas.

My two favorite movies are...

1. Robocop

2. The Adventures of Milo & Otis

If you don't need a d*unken night of karaoke to loosen up and you can laugh at Beavis & Butt-Head then we might get along. My ideal is someone who can be happy wrapping up in a blanket and watching Jersey Shore. You'll have to put up with a lot of Arnold Schwarzenegger memorabilia laying around, though.

I'm on here to meet people. Take a chance and message me.

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat .400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.

I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.

I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.

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