FabSwingers.com: Louise (50) , Woman in Lichfield , West Midlands, UK

Hi and thank you for visiting please have a read of my profile, this will save my time and yours. I know it’s long but it’s also funny, meeting as a single female.

1. Attach a recent and clear face pic to prevent me from deleting your ass unread, not a 2018 wearing sunglasses, a hat and standing 500’ from the camera. I don’t care what’s in your message, what the headline is or how close you are, if there isn’t a pic attached I’ll just delete it every time

2. Don’t attach a cock pic, this makes you look extremely stupid, look around you, they all look the same. Also if you have a pic of your cock on your profile with a sky remote next to it presume your not for me.

3. Be local, I have enough trouble getting guys to show up who live in the next street so messaging me to tell me I’m amazing from 100 miles away will get you deleted, I’m not chasing compliments, I honestly don’t care if you like me or not.

4. “Want to chat” when your the other end of the country = please talk dirty so I can wank…..move on.

5. “Hey I’m local, let’s meet “ when you look like you live under a bridge is only going to end one way and it’s not going to be with me getting undressed.

6. Contact moonpig, I simply don’t care if it’s your birthday.

7. Calling me a bitch, saying I’m rude or something similar because I deleted your messages or said “no” is funny, this makes me laugh and gives me a warm feeling inside and shows how desperate you are for my attention.

8. I’m not trip advisor so asking me for feedback is only going to end in tears for you.

9. “I know you, I saw you yesterday, we spoke before, do you remember me, hello stranger, long time no speak, we used to be friends on my old profile, I saw you at a party before, we’re you in Asda yesterday, I’m in your area, I’m your way on business next week,” Isn’t going to work, I’m not that gullible and will have me shouting over to my husband “I’ve got another twat here who says he knows us from Tesco and a guy in a hoodie in the area on business next month away” this is when he mumbles “block the twat”.

10. Presume I’m fine, no that’s not wine, no I’m not attracted to bbc, no I don’t want to borrow your husband, no I don’t want to see your cock and no I don’t want to watch you on cam.

11. If you send me your number saying “wuu2 bay, you is lush” I will presume your currently having a stroke and need medical attention, I’ll also pass your number on to the next 10 guys who wants phone sex so don’t complain when Bill and Bigcockfrank75 call you and start heavy breathing 15 times an hour.

12. Stop putting hmmm, mmmm, he he, ha ha at the end of your message, “I want to fuck you mmm” makes you sound like Benny Hill and “I want to fuck you he he” is just plain creepy.

13. Remember attraction is my choice, never ever yours.

14. If your upset I don’t reply…I don’t care, I can’t stress enough how insignificant your good opinion of me is, simply move on, it’s not rude to not reply, it is rude to keep messaging when I’m obviously deleting you because I don’t like you.

15. If I delete your first message, the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th etc are not going to help you, you still look the same.

16. I don’t do cyber, if your talking to a girl who’s in to cyber, chances are excellent that girls called Dave.

17. Telling me what you want to do to me is boring, all you will of achieved is making me throw up in my mouth a little and put me off my breakfast.

18. Yes I’m a bitch, even the devil says “oh shit she’s awake” when I get up.

19. Yes I’m bisexual-putting that out there on the rare chance it’s not only me that’s real on here. (Fems your worse than the guys)

20. No I won’t meet you alone, no fun for me and my husband so why would I?.

21. Groups-yes please, if you want a quick blow job in the back of a car that girl went a while ago.

22. “Can I ask you a question?” ….nope

23. Things I don’t want to do with you, watch you wank, talk on SC or Skype and I don’t care if WhatsApp is easier for you.

24 “Please give me a chance, I have a wonderful personality, I’m a laugh, but I really like you” is not going to help you, I’m shallow, I’m looking for looks and body, if you think that’s harsh your on the wrong site.

25 Telling me I’m not your type and I have a big ass after I said no to your “omg I want you bad” message makes you look 12 and makes me laugh at you, out loud and for real.

26 “I wish I was closer” well your not so don’t send a pointless message

27 “male half here, my wife is just out, at work, in bed, not around, would you meet me?” Get divorced and find a new wife

28 “I don’t want a reply etc I just wanted to say you look great”…..five minutes later…”not your type?? Why no reply??”

29. When guys randomly send a “No thanks” message or an insult when we’ve never spoken before, this is what happened. You looked at my pictures and got mad at me because you realised that I’d turn you down flat if you asked due to the fact you struggle on here, it’s like you walked into Mercedes, saw that gorgeous AMG you wanted but realised you’ll never be that lucky, you turned around, left and told yourself that you didn’t like the wheels anyway and the interior wasn’t nice enough, just keep in mind you were insignificant to the Mercedes.

30. “Is this your first time on a swinging site? I can help you, do you want to discuss any kind of fantasy with me?”…are you all programmed to ask the same shit?? I’ve been here for 8 years, this is my 4th account and do I look fucking shy???

31. First message of “who do you think you are? Do you think your hot because your not? Etc etc makes me smile to myself because I know you took the time to look at me, read my profile then look at me some more whilst coming to the conclusion I wouldn’t meet you so you thought you would take your disappointment out on me = warm feeling for me

32. Do you like a man in uniform? This has to be the most ridiculous question I’m asked, only two people thing a uniform makes you look more attractive, you and your mom.

oh and to Sydney University and it’s partners…..crack on guys, I don’t give a shit.

Love and kisses

Lou x

Looking For

Meeting

Interests