FabSwingers.com: Chris (43) , Man in Herne Bay, South East, UK

Hi, thanks for looking, sit down, grab a cuppa and enjoy the ramblings of guy who is new to all this, trying to project himself via text. Yeah, sounds crazy, but it is the 21st century!

I'm Male, 42, single for over a year - looking to explore new things and to enjoy my naughty forties. I'm not an overly loud person, I don't drink energy drinks nor do I think I am entitled pleb/prick/moron/complete ass-hat. I am calm and stable even under pressure - plus I can tie my own shoe laces. I see myself as a quietly confident and adaptable person. I do not take myself seriously. I laugh at myself especially if I have gotten into a bit of a caper. I enjoy humour, music, tin-top motorsport, motorbikes, mountain bikes, sunsets, socialising and sex as hobbies.

Oh and manners, if you like manners, I got you, your husband or whoever - I do not discriminate - we all bleed red. Also, those who say chivalry is dead - no, no it isn't. It might be different these days, everything changes - but is sure as hell isn't dead. I'm happy to provide a demonstration of a 'modern' gentleman in or out of the bedroom.

Looking for chill, calm and relaxed people to enjoy new experiences with. Lets have some fun and a laugh! Happy to meet for a drink, coffee, walk, drive or group outing - open to offers and suggestions.

I've been out of the game for a while, so I totally admit I am rusty (rustier than the Titanic). I'm not the sort to turn up, cock out and jump right in. I would like to start slow - have a chat and a laugh, see what happens. Warming up by caressing, squeezing, teasing and pleasing - foreplay is the best play. Experienced in using hands, lips, tongue and toys to tease and please. A slightly timid approach initially, until my limited nerves/shyness/butterflies are stripped away - is that the same for anyone else?

I've never swung, swang or swinged (not sure what the correct word is there). Nor have I been to a swingers club/social event. These are things I would like to sample, at least once. If you want to try it also - lets go together? If we go and you get swept away, you go girl! I'll be fine, I can still have a good time - exclusivity is not the aim here. I'm not your Dad.

I tried the chat/webcam thing, that was odd - no lady watched me - but a dude did. I wasn't brave enough to click their cam though haha.

Looking to share new experiences, with like-minded people. Quality, not quantity. Not everything has to be sexual, also open to chill chatting - I've also got an overly excited dog that would never turn down a walk. I'm easy going, happy go lucky, looking to enjoy life and meet new people.

Currently trapped looking after a parent following a sudden bereavement, so I can't accommodate. Day time meets are easier to manage - evening meets are tougher - nothing is impossible though.

I'll add to this in the future, any questions, just ask - have fun and enjoy life.

Also, the hair - yeah it's a mess - I have no idea on what style to get it cut into - was a shaved head for years before this lol - any ideas? I'm fairly happy to let it run rampant for a while. Don't worry, it is clean and conditioned, I'm not an animal!

Also, also - No, I am not Jesus! Haha - cheers for that, didn't remotely see that at all before!

I understand, being a single fella, the odds are stacked against me on a swingers site. There must be 200+ single guys for every female or couple on here (even more so in my local area it seems). I'm not looking for a GF/fiancé/wife, I am totally aware this is not a dating site, more FWB, optional extra for a couple or a party partner for clubs and events. I certainly do not want to sleep with a gazillion people, quality over quantity.

Feel free to message, I wont bite - unless asked!

I've listed myself as a smoker, which until I quit - will be true. Currently down to less than 10 a day. This does not mean I have to smoke when we meet. It's a work in progress thing :)

Same as working out, I'm not a gym bunny, but I am doing a few things to get my a-cups a little firmer! That first time you feel them wobbling when you go down stairs is a wake up call haha! Down to 85kg from 90+kg, I still wobble though, well 'shimmy' yeah, shimmy is better. I do not want to be a beef-cake - I'll be happy when I get the lumps and bumps in the right place and reasonably firm.

This song, man, it just hits you some days doesn't it?

Baz Luhrmann - Everybody's Free To Wear Sunscreen

Enjoy yourselves people, life is short. It's not just a slogan.

I just realised I hadn't specified my 'type'. Body type, curves preferred, I've enjoyed 'Large' and 'small' - I think size 12-20 range if I had to put numbers to it. It doesn't matter to me if you've had kids or not, scars or no scars - I'd still play and please. The body is an amazing adaptable thing to enjoy.

Hair colour and style - it's a no-factor for me - straight, curly, afro or gone - I've got greys - so who am I to judge? I mean - look at it - you think I'll be put off by yours? Haha, nope.

I am an absolute sucker for a smile, if you have dimples in your cheeks when you smile - I'd melt. I think a nice smile is the most important thing for me. You could have one leg, no arms and one ear - the smile is key for me. Oh and eye liner, maybe lashes, but eye liner - yum. Eyes and dimples, dimples will trump eyes - but I adore both!

Well that is the physical side of things, the mental side of things - humour - I love a laugh - I know when to be serious - but I love a laugh! Sharing a laugh is beautiful. Bring your humour and bring your banter - even if you don't have jokes, I'm sure I'll do something or say something that will get at least a smirk from you!

If you've taken the time to read these ramblings of a guy who is just as uncomfortable writing stuff like this, same as 'write about yourself' on a CV - thank you ! Use the word 'dimples' in your message title, I wont not read it if is missing, simply for me to see if you got to this point.

If you have got this far, don't forget to stretch, posture is the foundation of health! Also Breathe, yup, deep in, slow out - you got this - nearly at the finish line!

If I message and I do not float your boat - it would be nice if you could reply saying so, rather than leave me hanging lol. A little courtesy helps the world go round. Actually, scrap that - it has just dawned on me that the ladies and couples must get hundreds of messages a day - I do not expect a reply - it is just a 'would be nice' ok - no demands or expectations from me, ever - however, if you find the joke/pun I sent funny and have a couple minutes a reply of something like 'Hey, funny joke - but your hair is funnier, not for me.' would make my day haha! I don't mind rejection, I'm an adult, I wont get upset, this boat can't be sunk via rejection. I will not persist nor pester, it is what it is, whatever will be, will indeed be.

Knock Knock.

Who’s there?

Dune.

Dune who?

Dune anything this Saturday? :)

C'mon, that one is smooth.

I'm old enough to know better yet still young enough to do it anyway! Yeah, pure cheese - but it's good mature cheese, not tasteless generic plastic cheese - you got to admit it! It's like a mature cheese with pineapple - pleasantly zingy.

Also pain, I'm allergic to pain - pain and I don't get on. I'm not a wuss, just experienced enough to know real pain is not for me - I'm intelligent enough to avoid it too! Of course, pulling my hair while I'm licking your clit is perfectly fine! Same as slapping my erect cock - yeah it's funny watching it boing around - preaching to the choir there haha. You can keep your clamps, pins and other metallic pokey things to yourself though haha! Not sure about paddles, not experienced it. The only way to find out is to try? I'm game for trying out most new things - worst case I'll laugh, best case I'll like it.

I'm not a Dom, initially I would like the lady/couple to lead, so I can understand the boundaries. It's a morals thing for me, I'm not brash enough to takeover or anything, I don't want it all about me, I want it all about you or the pair of you - legit.

I love pleasing sexually. I will lift your chin with a finger to kiss you, I will lift a leg to kiss along it - nice, safe and confident initially. Once I know the boundaries, maybe after a couple of meets, hell, maybe round two in the first meet - I will tug your hair or hold your hands above your head against the wall while kissing your neck and shoulders - it's all fluidic and changeable - and I am adaptable, but I'm not a Dom, nor am I complete sub. I could be tempted to sub - I think it could be erotic to have a lady control me. Not tried it though.

I wonder how long this rambling mess of musings will get before I format it into something a little more sensical. Well, I guess it's not a single sentence profile - I mean the scroll bar needs GPS to get back to the top. Hopefully it shows I'm not just a cock on legs, my brain does work and I can think - did I mention I can tie my own shoe laces? Despite being, I dunno, 70% introverted and 30% extroverted (it fluctuates) I can talk and arguably more important - I can listen. Feel free to try me, happy to meet - I'm not the type to get butt-hurt if it doesn't work out. I will not pressure or push, I have patience and manners, I enjoy modern chivalry and I was raised right. For me it would be an interesting experience either way. We get one life, lets live it!

I'm not competitive, I grew up understanding there is always a bigger fish - it taught me to be happy with my own abilities and experiences. After all, it is a journey - not a race! You do not get a trophy at the end.

What is a swingers favourite day and why? Wednesday - it's the hump day of the week.

"Why are you so shy and nervous?"

"The main part that controls my body is literally called the nervous system!"

Congratulations, you got to the end, have a gentle kiss on the cheek from me \o/

Thank fuck for spell check eh? haha.

Smile and wave people, smile and wave.

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