FabSwingers.com: Ash (61) & Jack (59) , Couple in reading, South East, UK

Ni hao as they say in the People’s Republic.

We are Ash and Jack (yes of course our real names).

We are a new (less than 2 months) to the world of swinging (ie sexual activity not dance style) Indian (South Asian not Native American) origin couple in our early 50’s (mature enough to be alive when Elvis died and the USA faked the moon landings) and based in Berkshire (who came up with this name?) who are looking for the rarest of things a genuine bi female couple (couple defined male&female or female&female not single male pretending)

Cleanliness, genuineness (not a genuine word), those who have a sense of humour (if you don’t have one yet you will once you see Jack’s Mboobs) where there is an attraction to (ok Jack doesn’t and isn’t likely to model for Armani) are the ones we would like to meet (in 5d not text world) and generally we like to meet for a non committal drink (or milky bar) to see if there is any chemistry before any mutually agreed biology lesson.

We have been flattered by the response of single men to our (Ash’s pics. Hmm not a single response to Jack from females though) profile but at this moment (read as this lifetime) we are not looking to meet you (even if you have a penis as big as a horse that spurts more times than a machine gun). Thank you anyway (cheque is in the post).

What else ? We like the girls (ie females) to speak (please no more voice changing apps guys) on the phone quickly (ie within a couple of earth days not pluto days) and we prefer to pass (as we wash our hair a lot - at least Ash does. Jack is sadly not hirsute) to those who say they are not attracted to a specific race as shared values are important to us (rules out EDL/UKIP members but Monster Raving Looney’s go to top of list)

We can’t accommodate (due to poor tripadvisor ratings) but we can share cost of hotels or travel reasonable distances (Jupiter is not a reasonable distance).

Re those collecting pictures - surely there is more interesting porn on the web than our pics ? (if not your missing sexy-ladies-who-like-cheesebiscuits.com). Therefore please skip to my loo.

Usual warnings re our pics not being for distribution apply. (Does Sydney Uni really have a dept for swinging studies or is this an urban legend ?)

The stuff we like most (apart from question marks and brackets) is a laugh with likeminded people, fem to fem stuff and mutual pleasure with penetration with own partner ie soft swing.

We do make exceptions re soft swing but in all cases we practice safe sex and are not interested in riding without a blazing saddle (de camptown ladies sing dis song doo dah doo dah) https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=IJHZU5gbexs

Finally a big thanks to a number of genuine (that word again) couples that we have made friends with us as this is the best bit about this site (apart from Jack given the opp to write a profile that no-one reads anyway).

Sayonara (also an Indian restaurant in Leicester. Why would you name a restaurant goodbye?) Swingers.

A&J.

FAQ’s

Can we swap facial pics before the ladies talk on the phone ? Sure no problem our families, employers and friends will completely understand us being “swingers” when they see the pics we send you on the side of their cornflakes pack.

Are you real ? The earth is flat and Donnie T is President. If you believe this, you know we are real.

Where are you from ? Ash originally from wonderfully exotic South America and Jack from the slightly less exotic East Midlands.

Do you meet single guys ? Yes of course as long as they bring a sexy bi-female partner.

Do you play alone ? Yes on Spotify we have the song by Heart. We don’t like any other versions.

Is Jack a cuckold ? “... Mr McGee don’t make me angry you wouldn’t like me when I get angry....”. Does this answer the question ?

Are you choosy ? Yes we are choosy and cheesy - ie there has to be an attraction. However even if we are attracted to you rudeness/vulgarity/racism/nastiness will mean that we are not for you. Friendliness (not Billy no mates), humour, warmth and kindness are our core values.

What are your likes ? Hong Kong Phooey, Richard Pryor, Dr Jennifer Melfi, Seven of Nine, ladies who wear sexy undies.(In this order)

What are your dislikes ? Emmerdale Farm and Albion Market viewers ....People who can’t laugh at themselves (and Jack), those who pick up mints from the bowl in the Chinese restaurant without realising....., speedo wearing guys....wide open pussy shots and any cock pictures (show a bit of class please)

Disastrous Experiences on Fab to Date

1. Hours before a proposed meeting, “couple” says, wife is not well so is it ok if he comes alone?

2. “Verified” couple ask for Facebook account as they want to see what our friends are like.

3. Couple who on the phone sound like one person talking in diff voices but claim they are a genuine couple.

4. Phone number collectors. What on Earth do you get out of collecting our contact number ? Hope you enjoy the digits.

5.People who send us a mail and when we send you one, they don’t read it !! What’s that about Willis ?

6. New Entry. We all know Jack’s no oil painting but responses like “we would love to meet you but my Mrs would never in a zillion years go for a guy like you Jack” could probably be better phrased !

This is a lengthy profile full of nonsense and on that lovely theme please sing the chorus of Goombay Dance Band’s biggest (only) hit (ok hit is a strong word here) followed by the Captain Sensible song “Wot” before replying. A test audition will be requested if you progress to the quarter finals.

Looking For

Meeting

Interests