FabSwingers.com: 18Mika (26) , Man in Streatham, Greater London, UK

People who I kinda really don’t have time for:

1. People who write ‘Cannot Accom / Cannot Travel’ on their profile. - What're you gonna do? teleport? Mind meld ?

2. People who just (without even saying fucking hello) add me as their “friend" if we have not met AND made a veri.

STOP ADDING ME AS YOUR FRIEND. I haven't gone to Nandos or bowling with you, have I?

3. Snapshat/Kik bollocky wankers: I am not a kid. What, u wanna trade Pokemon cards on Snapchat?

4. No Double-Texting. If i write to you, and you've read the message, but don't message back. I will not write you again... and probably block you.

Hi. I'm Mika, - an intelligent, friendly 'grown up' open minded person. MBA, MSc, AFHEA, I probably have more letters after your name than you've had hot dinners. Been there, done that. Serious. Not here to 'chat'. If I wanted "chat", I'd join friggin Reddit. Same for "Phone Fun" (I mean, really? what are you - 14 year old?).

Confident in my masculinity, in touch with my femininity and tuned-in with all that are open minded and in-between.

Rocking PROPER, QUALITY meets. No stupid two minute fuck 'n' gos. No "glory hole" bollocks where you can hide your ugly face and beards. I mean, God knows who's behind that glory hole - probably an 80 year old man with gums and no teeth as far as i'm concerned.

I prefer NO meetings to rubbish ones. I'd rather stay at home and read a book. I meet for MUTUAL fun, not to service anyone's 'fantasy'. I like to know what makes you tick and make a connection with you and your brain as well as your body. And vice versa. You gotta be into me as well - not just an attached appendage. And you gotta be just chill, easy to get on with, and have game. I guess, this is just one of the things I mean by 'quality' meets.

So, no Hoodies, balaclavas, or "discreet/anon". If I don't clearly see what you look like, and I'm not attracted to you then we ain't gonna meet. Period.

It's safe to say I prefer more mature tgirls and older women, or those who are experienced, open-minded and to all on the LGBTQ+ spectrum. That means if you are ignorant enough to have a close-minded binary 'Straight', 'Masculine' mindset on your profile, i'm probably not interested in you. Go to Tinder or Match . com or something. I'd probably have a more NB mindset, so don't judge by my pictures.

Accepting, open-minded sex, conversation, flirtation, chemistry forms the basis of the best sexual experiences.

SO - it's REAL MEETS ONLY - It's much hornier to "chat" in a hotel room or at a sex party, high on c0ke or a nice glass of wine with a juicy ass/pussy sitting on my face, than on the phone saying 'what are you wearing'. Do correct me if I'm wrong. and STOP ADDING ME AS YOUR 'FRIEND' … like I say at start of profile - I do not know you. My friends list is for real genuine people. This is to ensure my friends list isn't full of forgetful nobodies who chat for two messages then disappear. I'll delete all unsolicited friend requests.

Oh, and none of this 'kik' or 'snapchat' bollox, neither. won't change the platform to understand how u look.

I'm an outgoing, social boy. I love other people - all different type. love chilling, talking, banter, socialising, group fun, having a laugh, hanging out, as well as sex. In fact, it makes sex infinitely better when you're on the same wavelength.

One of my best nights ever was an amazing all-weekend party round mine, with lots of friends, trans, guys, women all hanging out having fun, watching RuPaul, having belly laughs, neon lights glowing, listening to music, passing around spliff, dancing on the balcony at 3am and dropping a mushroom or two... and playing games. No sex, just lots of really interesting people feeling sooo relaxed with each other. Because being socially engaging enriches you like no other.. and flirting is sooo sexy. This flies in the face if you're expecting me for an anon 'door open/glory hole/fuck and go'. Get a dildo, if it's non-personality you want.

Thin, athletic, fat, really doesn't matter to me. - just don't dwell on it. I don't care. I like all body shapes. Also, I guess I'm pretty much anti-hypermasculinity, and anti-mysogyny.

But what I do care about is: people sending me flabby arse pics. Please stop shoving your 'phatt' arse in my face. It's rude ! Also, there seems to be this 'Lizzo' trend where overweight people are trying to justify their attractivness by using words such as 'thicc' and 'booty', "Junk", "Jelly", "PAWG", Phat Ass Booty".

No ... it is NOT attractive. It is sweaty and repulsive to shove your unsolicited sweaty arse pics in my face and think it is attractive. I will probably not message you if you have this nonsense on your profile.

If you want to know what attractive is, try taking a beautiful smiling FACE PIC, in the daylight with nice bright eyes, clean bright teeth, clear good skin. Not a grotesque flabby arse with folds in it.

I am super-fit and energetic - 3-4 times per week in gym or run 15km per week. I play/train with Carshalton Football reserves. I have a defined, toned body. But I hate/detest that brutesque over-muscly steroid-looking look so if you're into that, I'm probably not for you. Go find some brute with no neck and just shoulders.

I'm also working towards a PhD as well as in a high-pressure fintech job, so i am very time-poor - hence my directness and low tolerance for time wasters.

Again - loving all people, all body types - as long as body positivity is not shoved in people's faces ...very much anti-hypermasculinity here.

Middle-aged, bald hairy men - PLEAAASE stop messaging me. I don't try force myself on Gay men that aren't interested in me, so for the love of God, stop forcing yourself on me. I'm more into Female/trans/femme or non-binary twinks! x

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COUPLES: When you plan your 10-year CIA miliitary operation - analytically trying to arrange a meet, when the kids are away, when you're free that one week in December, when the sky turns green, and pink pigs with yellow dots fly upside down, and the moon, stars and planets eventually align ....you are just wasting your own time, and I'm not gonna be part of some flaky diary schedule shit.

Please don't wear me out and bore me with your never-ending chitter chatter "We're planning a meet sometime/possibly/maybe/4 months/10 years in the fucking future". I am not going to spend hours upon hours upon weeks and months chatting to some couple 500 miles away in Inverness "getting to know you".Please be interesting, upfront, candid and DIRECT.

Stand-out from the myriad same-y couples from Stevenage, Sidcup and Solihul saying the same boring vanillery thnigs as the couples from Essex, Egham and Eltham. You'll all merge into the same foregetful hundreds of other couples messaging me, sounding the same, saying the same blah blah blah things. Stand out and be direct please.

Just ACTUALLY message me AT THE TIME or a day or two before you're looking to meet. Example: "Hey Mika, we're here in X hotel now chilling, wanna come along?'.

REALLY Simple, No?

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There are a certain class of people who i will block immediately upon reading their profile:

* If you are a couple, with only the guy messaging wanting me to fuck him. Ew. Big NO-NO that. Practically 85% of messages from the male half of couples asking this... It's okay if you're gay/bi or whatever and trying to contact me... please do (from a SINGLE profile). But when you LIE and pretend on a created profile that says M/F couple, yet you're just a dude 'trying it', that dishonesty REALLY pisses me off. Just create a gay profile for yourself. Why lie ?

* If you come on here begging people go to "check out" your OnlyFans/Cash.App or wanting me to me to buy your Amazon wishlist or pay you an Uber. (Fuckoff!). When did people start getting desperate on here? (probably startd with COVID/Lockdown). Anyone with "generous" on their profile or asking me to check out their OnlyFans can fuckoff. Have some pride/decency, Go to the job centre. Get a job already and stop begging for money. You can be "generous" with your sad self alone in your shitty council flat, thank you very much!

* If you (typically young people) have one of them weird filtered/photoshoped selfie pics with 'cute' written all over it, photoshopped colour eyes, face all blurry, and dazing into the distance like a pleb. Bonus points for tongue stickin out and japanese v-sign hands. (No, you are not cute!). Also, if you try and photoshop your fatness to make yourself appear slim (you all know what i'm talking about). I've nothing against cute chubby people, just show your honest beautiful self.

* If you have 'Available Now/Limited Time Only in Baywswater'.

* If you proffer gender, sexuality or racially exluding preferences on your profile e.g., "I'm only into black guys/straight guys/white guys/asian guys". I despise close-minded people and want nothing to do with your limited small minds.

Oh, and please - NO STUPID REQUESTS Such as:

- 'Can you bring another black guy?'

- 'Have you got Kik/Snap?'

- 'Have you got big cock?'

- 'How big is your cock?'

- 'Type "blah blah blah" in subject heading to let me know you read profile'. Trust me, If I'm messaging you, I REALLY have FULLY read your profile.

- 'Let me video chat you first to prove you're real'.

And any other bollocky nonsense.

Other than that, the WORLD is your oyster, and I love meeting open-minded, interesting, un-limited and socially outgoing fun people of any race, sex, gender. :)

Oh, and if I contact you, and you say no, or ignore me, I will block you so as not to bother you again. We're all busy and if someone takes the time to write one a message, it's really polite to reply, no ?

Been told that I'm probably, one of the most genuine, real persons on here. Hot, geuniune and direct to the point. Never failed to turn up for a meet because I tend to avoid the dickheads as described above. I have a sixth sense for real, nice people i guess.

ONE CAVAET - Whatever message you send me, I will be completely brutally 100% honest with you. I have some WICKED :) fun meets on here recently and met some genuine lifelong friends. I am pretty clued up and in the know as to who's serious/genuine, and who's completely fake. I will block you within two messages if you start some fake shit 'withheld pics/blank profile/stupid 'you send pics first' games or 'i'm discreet, my pics are only on snap'. I'll just block you and move on. life's too short.

Known to have natural, long stamina. I always out-perform anyone in threesomes or moresome sex orgies and always the last one still going hard and strong - all night, especially if i fancy you :)

Getting a bit hectic to keep up on here. I do get about 150 messages a week, but i DO try to reply to all when i can. If quicker, drop me a WINK.

So yeah, holla x

P.S - Oh, i'm not 25. i'm older. System won't let me change it. CBA...who cares.

* To Sydney University - you can hang my pictures on your wall. Better still, frame it and put in the Opera house - They're works of art ;)

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