FabSwingers.com forum: Grossly offensive jokes

By *ancardiff7 OP Man
over a year ago

Near Cowbridge

C'mon then fab, don't let me down

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By *oby le roneMan
over a year ago

Treorchy

Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? His wife is dead

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, "Anything you say can and will be held against you." The man replies, "Boobs!"

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By *ancardiff7 OP Man
over a year ago

Near Cowbridge

"Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? His wife is dead"

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By *ancardiff7 OP Man
over a year ago

Near Cowbridge

"A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, "Anything you say can and will be held against you." The man replies, "Boobs!""

Too mild Fiesty. Try harder

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 18/02/20 09:10:38]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Deleted mine, even I found it offensive

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I bought my blind friend a cheese grater. A week later, he told me it’s the most violent book he’s ever read.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, "Anything you say can and will be held against you." The man replies, "Boobs!"

Too mild Fiesty. Try harder

Yes boss lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How do you know if you have a high sperm count?

When your wife has to chew before she swallows.

Hows this boss?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How do you get a gay man to fuck a woman? Shit in her cunt

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A blonde woman (in America) is driving down the road at 100mph, she gets stopped by a Blonde female traffic cop. The cop walks over and says do you realise what the speed limit is on this road to which the blonde driver replies no is there one. The blonde cop isn't happy and asks the driver to show her driving licence. The driver reaches for her bag and forrages around in it looking and eventually asks the blonde cop what her driving licence looks like. The blonde cop says, it's a small thin rectangular piece of plastic with your picture on. The driver looks again and after a few seconds pulls a small mirror out of her bag and looks at it exclaiming "Here it is" and gives it to the blonde cop who looks at the mirror and announces "Oh, I didn't realise you were a cop too, you're free to go!!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How do you get a gay man to fuck a woman? Shit in her cunt "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The jokes ive come across are so sick id get a forum ban. I will tell you in person in 3 years OP lol

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By *oby le roneMan
over a year ago

Treorchy

"How do you get a gay man to fuck a woman? Shit in her cunt

Double

blurgh

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By *ancardiff7 OP Man
over a year ago

Near Cowbridge

"How do you know if you have a high sperm count?

When your wife has to chew before she swallows.

Hows this boss?"

Better.

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By *ancardiff7 OP Man
over a year ago

Near Cowbridge

"How do you get a gay man to fuck a woman? Shit in her cunt "

Thank you Jimmy Carr

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By *ancardiff7 OP Man
over a year ago

Near Cowbridge

"The jokes ive come across are so sick id get a forum ban. I will tell you in person in 3 years OP lol"

C'mon, don't be coy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How do you know if you have a high sperm count?

When your wife has to chew before she swallows.

Hows this boss?

Better. "

That should earn me a reward then lol

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By *eswillMan
over a year ago

Chepstow

What’s the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?

A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.

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By *eswillMan
over a year ago

Chepstow

What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit?

A zit will wait until you’re twelve before it comes on your face.

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By *evils-couple13Couple
over a year ago

Neath

"What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit?

A zit will wait until you’re twelve before it comes on your face.

Omg haha

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By *oby le roneMan
over a year ago

Treorchy

"The jokes ive come across are so sick id get a forum ban. I will tell you in person in 3 years OP lol

C'mon, don't be coy. "

Now, what you should have said was. Cmon don’t be shy, your mother wasn’t.

I’ve never had the balls to say that to anyone

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's the difference between an Essex girl and an Essex boy ?

An Essex girl has a higher sperm count

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s important to have a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words ‘antidote’ and ‘anecdote,’ one of my good friends would still be alive.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?

A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 18/02/20 23:34:27]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Brilliant haha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, "Anything you say can and will be held against you." The man replies, "Boobs!""

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A guy is sitting at the doctor's office. The doctor walks in and says, "I have some bad news. I'm afraid you're going to have to stop masturbating." "I don't understand, doc," the patient says. "Why?" "Because," the doctor says. "I'm trying to examine you."

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By *ancardiff7 OP Man
over a year ago

Near Cowbridge

Some good stuff on here

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By *irestarterMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

Man walks into doctors wearing nothing but cling film... doctors says 'Well I can clearly see you're nuts...'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My girlfriend admitted to me she was once a Christian, so I immediately broke up with her. It may come across as judgmental, but really, I’ve only ever known and loved her as Christine.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My son, who’s into astronomy, asked me how stars die. “Usually an overdose, son,” I told him.

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By *ackieSteveCouple
over a year ago

Newbridge

Patient - "So doctor, you're telling me I should masturbate wherever and whenever I want?"

Doctor - "No John, I said you could have a stroke at any time!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My girlfriend admitted to me she was once a Christian, so I immediately broke up with her. It may come across as judgmental, but really, I’ve only ever known and loved her as Christine.

Don't you bring our private lives into this!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why is it so difficult to identify a rapist?

Because 90% of women kiss with there eyes closed.

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By *ancardiff7 OP Man
over a year ago

Near Cowbridge

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How do you get a nun pregnant?

Get the alter boy to fart in her pussy.

Is that offensive enough?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I told my wife she looked sexier with her hair back.

Apparently that's an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Grossly offensive jokes:

144 Dominic Cummings?

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By *ancardiff7 OP Man
over a year ago

Near Cowbridge

I see we've ramped up the offensiveness

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex.

They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch and think that their wife should be really happy.

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By *atXXXMan
over a year ago

Caerphilly

The forum won't let post my joke!

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By *ancardiff7 OP Man
over a year ago

Near Cowbridge

"The forum won't let post my joke! "

Why not?

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By *oby le roneMan
over a year ago

Treorchy

What’s the difference between your job and a dead prostitute?

Your job still sucks.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've got a friend whose nickname is "Shagger". You might think that's cool; she doesn't like it.

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By *rmw1982Man
over a year ago

wales

How do you make a hormone?

Don't pay her.

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By *atXXXMan
over a year ago

Caerphilly

"The forum won't let post my joke!

Why not? "

Because of a word

9 out of 10 people enjoy g anger ape...

Had to split it so it doesn't stop me posting it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How do you make your wife scream twice?

Shag her in the ass then wipe your dick in curtains

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By *ancardiff7 OP Man
over a year ago

Near Cowbridge

Some good ones here, some new to me too.

Keep them coming please

Just to clarify though after receiving one PM, no, I'm not interested in racist or homophobic jokes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ah man. I saw offensive jokes. Thought Jimmy Carr and the xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx. Obviously not funny. I apologise. Can stop in boxing me now. Eck.

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By *ancardiff7 OP Man
over a year ago

Near Cowbridge

"Ah man. I saw offensive jokes. Thought Jimmy Carr and the xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx. Obviously not funny. I apologise. Can stop in boxing me now. Eck. "

No need to apologise imo.

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By *shrop_cpleCouple
over a year ago

Ceredigion

"C'mon then fab, don't let me down

Q. What is blue and stinks?

A. A dead Girl Guide!

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By *ancardiff7 OP Man
over a year ago

Near Cowbridge

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By *carlett AllureWoman
over a year ago

Cardiff

"How do you make your wife scream twice?

Shag her in the ass then wipe your dick in curtains"

Is this from personal experience?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How do you make your wife scream twice?

Shag her in the ass then wipe your dick in curtains

Is this from personal experience?"

Oh no. Miss Hollie wouldn't scream I'd be knifed doing to first thing,would survive to do second. Lol

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By *ingAlMan
over a year ago

hereford

My trans mate has had to fund his sex change, now he hasn't got a sausage

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By *igjrvMan
over a year ago

blackwood

Why did the deaf dumb and blind woman's dog commit suicide?

Wouldn't you with a name like thlumbillifufffy

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By *oss and SuzieCouple
over a year ago

Porthmadog

How do you make a dog drink?

Put it in a blender

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By *ai MyrddinMan
over a year ago

Caerphilly

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A guy is sitting at the doctor's office. The doctor walks in and says, "I have some bad news. I'm afraid you're going to have to stop masturbating." "I don't understand, doc," the patient says. "Why?" "Because," the doctor says. "I'm trying to examine you.""

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What turns from green to red at touch of a button?

Frog in a blender!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 23/02/20 10:25:24]

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By *ancardiff7 OP Man
over a year ago

Near Cowbridge

What's green and smells of pork?

Kermit's finger.

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By *ancardiff7 OP Man
over a year ago

Near Cowbridge

A school friend of mine got caught wanking in the showers.

Ruined the trip to Auschwitz if I'm honest.

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By *oby le roneMan
over a year ago

Treorchy

Not offensive (unless you like simply red) but makes me Laugh

Mick Hucknall has been arrested for having sex with a rabbit. Police said "He was caught holding back the ears singing bunny's too tight to mention

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By *taffswenchCouple
over a year ago

South Wales/South West England

Crying in the van. Thanks guys.

Staff

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By *ancardiff7 OP Man
over a year ago

Near Cowbridge

"Crying in the van. Thanks guys.

Staff "

My victims often cry in the van too.

Wait...that's not what you meant is it? Shit! I've said too much...

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By *oby le roneMan
over a year ago

Treorchy

"Crying in the van. Thanks guys.

Staff

My victims often cry in the van too.

Wait...that's not what you meant is it? Shit! I've said too much..."

You’ll find them much happier when you say romantic things to them. Start with something like “can you smell chloroform on this rag?”

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By *taffswenchCouple
over a year ago

South Wales/South West England

"Crying in the van. Thanks guys.

Staff

My victims often cry in the van too.

Wait...that's not what you meant is it? Shit! I've said too much..."

Sometimes it's exactly what I mean!

Hopefully got a kid mnap scenario on the go soon

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By *ancardiff7 OP Man
over a year ago

Near Cowbridge

"Crying in the van. Thanks guys.

Staff

My victims often cry in the van too.

Wait...that's not what you meant is it? Shit! I've said too much...

You’ll find them much happier when you say romantic things to them. Start with something like “can you smell chloroform on this rag?”

"Let's not turn this r@pe into a murder" works well too.

(TM Jimmy Carr)

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By *oby le roneMan
over a year ago

Treorchy

"Crying in the van. Thanks guys.

Staff

My victims often cry in the van too.

Wait...that's not what you meant is it? Shit! I've said too much...

You’ll find them much happier when you say romantic things to them. Start with something like “can you smell chloroform on this rag?”

"Let's not turn this r@pe into a murder" works well too.

(TM Jimmy Carr)"

Jimmy Carr to a Heckler: you want my come back?

Heckler: yeah

Jimmy Carr: go scrape it off your mothers teeth.

Now that’s burning a mother fucker to the ground

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Crying in the van. Thanks guys.

Staff

My victims often cry in the van too.

Wait...that's not what you meant is it? Shit! I've said too much...

You’ll find them much happier when you say romantic things to them. Start with something like “can you smell chloroform on this rag?”

"Let's not turn this r@pe into a murder" works well too.

(TM Jimmy Carr)

Jimmy Carr to a Heckler: you want my come back?

Heckler: yeah

Jimmy Carr: go scrape it off your mothers teeth.

Now that’s burning a mother fucker to the ground

You two crack me up

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By *oby le roneMan
over a year ago

Treorchy

"Crying in the van. Thanks guys.

Staff

My victims often cry in the van too.

Wait...that's not what you meant is it? Shit! I've said too much...

You’ll find them much happier when you say romantic things to them. Start with something like “can you smell chloroform on this rag?”

"Let's not turn this r@pe into a murder" works well too.

(TM Jimmy Carr)

Jimmy Carr to a Heckler: you want my come back?

Heckler: yeah

Jimmy Carr: go scrape it off your mothers teeth.

Now that’s burning a mother fucker to the ground

You two crack me up

I’m here all week

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By *oby le roneMan
over a year ago

Treorchy

Why did the pervert cross the road? Because he couldn’t get his nob out of the chicken

Rick Mayall

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

Hearing the anguished screams of all your children burning alive in a house fire that only you escaped from.

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By *ancardiff7 OP Man
over a year ago

Near Cowbridge

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By *oby le roneMan
over a year ago

Treorchy

A family was driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumped against the windshield. Embarrassed, and to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry, dear. That was just an insect." "Wow," the boy replies. "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"

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By *shrop_cpleCouple
over a year ago

Ceredigion

Q.Why do women have legs?

A.So they dont leave a trail like a slug as they move about!

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By *ace2faceCouple
over a year ago

cardiff

whats red and sits in a tree...

a sanitary owl.

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By *r_Mrs_SexytimesCouple
over a year ago

pontypool

"Q.Why do women have legs?

A.So they dont leave a trail like a slug as they move about!

Hahhahahhahahah!!!

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By *oby le roneMan
over a year ago

Treorchy

What’s long and hard and makes women groan?

An Ironing Board.

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By *ountainwalkerMan
over a year ago

port talbot

I Got mugged last night by three blokes wearing Balaclavas..

I managed to knock one out during the struggle...

It wasn't the most appropriate time for a wank, but thought it might have been my last chance.

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By *oby le roneMan
over a year ago

Treorchy

Why is the part of a woman between her hips and her breasts called a waist?

Because they could have easily fitted in another pair of tits there

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By *uicy jonesMan
over a year ago

near a big hill in s/ shropshire NOT in

One day Johnny took his cat to school ,

The teacher asked Johnny why he’d brought his cats into school,

Jonny replied I heard daddy say to mummy when Johnny is at to school that pussy is going to be shaved and is going to get it hard

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By *uicy jonesMan
over a year ago

near a big hill in s/ shropshire NOT in

What did the the one thigh say to the other thigh ??

We used to be so close till some cunt come between us !!!!

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By *ettyboob72Woman
over a year ago

Manningtree

I LOVE tbis one

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why do women have periods?

Because they deserve them.

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By *orny old manMan
over a year ago

Bridgend

Why do women get married in white? Most kitchen appliances come in white lol

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By *oby le roneMan
over a year ago

Treorchy

What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?

Full.

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By *efByOrgasmsMan
over a year ago

Heads of the Valleys

[Removed by poster at 04/03/20 17:40:28]

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By *efByOrgasmsMan
over a year ago

Heads of the Valleys

I was having a handjob from a new girlfriend. And I asked "how are you so good at this?"

"Years of practice" She said

"Bit of a player in your day was you" I laughed

"No" she replied, "my dad had no arms"

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By *ylie kyleCouple
over a year ago

Nottingham

How many dead prostitutes does it take to change a lightbulb?

The 4 in my cellar haven’t managed yet.

I’ll get my coat...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whats the sickest part about r aping a deaf and blind girl.. breaking her fingers so she cant tell no one

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By *ancardiff7 OP Man
over a year ago

Near Cowbridge

Now we're plumbing the depths!

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By *oby le roneMan
over a year ago

Treorchy

Jimmy Carr got a lot to answer for

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did you know a shoal of piranhas can devour a six year old in under 30 seconds?

Anyway, long story short, I lost my job at the aquarium today.

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By *ancardiff7 OP Man
over a year ago

Near Cowbridge

A child and a child mol3ster walk into the forest together. The child says, “Boy these woods are scary.” The child mol3ster says, “You think you’re scared, I have to walk out of here alone.”

Who's going to hell for laughing at that one then?

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By *oby le roneMan
over a year ago

Treorchy

What's grey, has one leg, sits at the end of your bed and takes the piss out of you?

A kidney dialysis machine.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's the best thing about fucking twenty eight year olds?

There's twenty of them.

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By *ancardiff7 OP Man
over a year ago

Near Cowbridge

Frankie Boyle would be right at home amongst you sickos

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Man calls up his boss and says "i dont think im going to come in today i feel a little bit sick" boss replys "what do you mean sick! how sick are you?" The man replays "well i just had sex with my dog

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By *oby le roneMan
over a year ago

Treorchy

Probably ruining our reputations with the lovely ladies of fab with these sick jokes.

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By *shrop_cpleCouple
over a year ago

Ceredigion

A Yank walks into the doctors with a great big frog on top of his head. The doctor says "Great Scott! How did you get that?" The frog says "It started with a boil on me arse!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

2 vampires walk into a blood bank and ask the receptionist if they have any spare blood, to which she replies 'no sorry, were running a but short' so one of them asks for a cup of hot water, the receptionist disappears and come back with a mug of hot water and hands it to the vampire, his mate turns around and says 'you cant drink that, it'll kill you' he pulls a used tampon out of his pocket and starts to dip it in the mug and says 'tea bags m8, tea bags'

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By *shrop_cpleCouple
over a year ago

Ceredigion

Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, what's a pervert?

Shurrup and keep sucking!

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By *9cumcum69Man
over a year ago

Wolverton

What's blue and doesn't fit?

A dead epileptic

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What’s the most intelligent thing to come out of a blondes mouth?

Einstein’s cock

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By *ancardiff7 OP Man
over a year ago

Near Cowbridge

You're all scumbags.

And I love you for it

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By *ancardiff7 OP Man
over a year ago

Near Cowbridge

How do you know you have a high sperm count?

Your partner has to chew before swallowing.

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By *oby le roneMan
over a year ago

Treorchy

"You're all scumbags.

And I love you for it

Utterly disgusting and filthy

What has getting your girlfriend pregnant and locking your keys in the car got in common?

Both problems can be easily fixed with a coat hanger.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How did the wife from Hull find out her husband was cheating on her?

She found another woman's lipstick on his knuckles.

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By *ancardiff7 OP Man
over a year ago

Near Cowbridge

I used to be in a gang of necrophiliacs until the rotten cunts split on me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Here’s one:

Tesco have a Special on at the moment.....

He’s pushing the trolleys round the car park.

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By *ancardiff7 OP Man
over a year ago

Near Cowbridge

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well you did ask for grossly offensive....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like my women like I like my COVID.

19 and easily spread.

(Apologies if that was too far for some)

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By *utcock61Man
over a year ago

glasgow

[Removed by poster at 17/03/20 15:21:40]

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By *oby le roneMan
over a year ago

Treorchy

"Here’s one:

Tesco have a Special on at the moment.....

He’s pushing the trolleys round the car park."

I know you shouldn’t laugh but fuck that made me cry

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By *oby le roneMan
over a year ago

Treorchy

what's the difference between marmalade and jam?

You can’t marmalade your cock up your girlfriends arse

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By *ancardiff7 OP Man
over a year ago

Near Cowbridge

Good to see this thread back

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By *oby le roneMan
over a year ago

Treorchy

Thought it was about time. And seeing as it’s 2020 and everything is offensive it should be easy

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By *ackieSteveCouple
over a year ago

Newbridge

"What's blue and doesn't fit?

A dead epileptic"

I'm literally crying!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What's blue and doesn't fit?

A dead epileptic"

Omg

that shouldn't of made me lol ..

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By *oby le roneMan
over a year ago

Treorchy

"What's blue and doesn't fit?

A dead epileptic

Omg

that shouldn't of made me lol .."

Tut tut

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By *oby le roneMan
over a year ago

Treorchy

What’s green and yellow and eats nuts?

Gonorrhea.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"what's the difference between marmalade and jam?

You can’t marmalade your cock up your girlfriends arse

Absolutely awful Toby

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By *oby le roneMan
over a year ago

Treorchy

"what's the difference between marmalade and jam?

You can’t marmalade your cock up your girlfriends arse

Absolutely awful Toby

Hahaha you love it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?

A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

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By *ovegames42Man
over a year ago

london

"I bought my blind friend a cheese grater. A week later, he told me it’s the most violent book he’s ever read."

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By *ovegames42Man
over a year ago

london

What is the Difference between a woman and a fridge ?.

“ The fridge does not fart when you pull the meat out “.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Haha jokes thread! Enjoyed reading this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A woman's work is never done. Thats way they get paid less

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Been too quiet recently, time for cheering up methinks.

Bartender: What’s the matter buddy?

Man: It’s the worst thing ever. I caught my wife in bed with my best friend.

Bartender: Oh man that really sucks! What did you do?

Man: I told her to pack her shit and get the hell out!

Bartender: What about your best friend?

Man: I looked him straight in the eyes and said BAD DOG!”

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By *on12xxMan
over a year ago

nottingham

Why do woman prefer older gynaecologist

Hand shakes more

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I called in sick to work yesterday, they asked me how sick I was. I told them I was fucking my sister.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why do woman prefer older gynaecologist

Hand shakes more"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You're not going out in a skirt like that, it's too short!

Why not?

I can see your bollocks Dave!

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By *ustJeffWalesMan
over a year ago

V of G and Merthyr Tydfil

I am doing the same thing. Think I should call the coroner though, she has been dead a month and the neighbours are starting to complain about the smell.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You're not going out in a skirt like that, it's too short!

Why not?

I can see your bollocks Dave!"

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By *oby le roneMan
over a year ago

Treorchy

A woman is crawling across the floor with semen dribbling equally from both sides of her mouth... what does this tell us??

- The floor is level.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This couple were after having mindblowing sex and lying on the bed afterwards the female kept stroking the guys cock with utter fascination for ages , this really made the guy feel really chuffed and said to her .." wow ..you're really fascinated with my cock aren't you ,why is that "?.... She replied " Cause l miss my own so much "

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By *erry and SteveCouple (MM)
over a year ago

Caerphilly

Q: What do you call an Indian Lesbian?

A: Mingeeta1

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By *itty9899Man
over a year ago

Craggy Island

An Englishman, Scotsman and Welshman walk into a bar. Each orders a pint of Brain’s but, as they’re served, a fly lands in each pint.

The Englishman immediately pushes his beer away in disgust.

The Scotsman thinks for a few seconds, shrugs, and also pushes the pint away.

The Welshman turns bright red, picks the fly out of the beer and holds it over his glass shouting: “SPIT IT OUT! SPIT IT OUT!”

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By *itty9899Man
over a year ago

Craggy Island

Three friends married women from different parts of the world. The first married a Greek girl and told her that she was to do the dishes and cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day he came home to see a clean house.

The second man married a Thai girl and gave her the same orders, to do all the cleaning and cooking. The first day he didn’t see any results but by the third his house was clean and dinner was on the table.

The third man married a Welsh girl. He ordered her to keep the house clean, dishes washed, lawn mowed and dinner ready for 6pm.

For the first two days he didn’t see anything, but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye.

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By *intage74Couple
over a year ago

Lanarkshire

Heard the one about the gay dinosaur

Megasorearse

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By *ORDERMANMan
over a year ago

wrexham

"Three friends married women from different parts of the world. The first married a Greek girl and told her that she was to do the dishes and cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day he came home to see a clean house.

The third man married a Welsh girl. He ordered her to keep the house clean, dishes washed, lawn mowed and dinner ready for 6pm.

For the first two days he didn’t see anything, but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye."

A cracker

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"An Englishman, Scotsman and Welshman walk into a bar. Each orders a pint of Brain’s but, as they’re served, a fly lands in each pint.

The Englishman immediately pushes his beer away in disgust.

The Scotsman thinks for a few seconds, shrugs, and also pushes the pint away.

The Welshman turns bright red, picks the fly out of the beer and holds it over his glass shouting: “SPIT IT OUT! SPIT IT OUT!”"

Game of thrones?

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By *ORDERMANMan
over a year ago

wrexham

A travelling salesman is making his way through the hills of mid wales travelling home towards the english border..

Having had a long day he is parched and in need of a toilet break... he comes past a pub in the middle of nowhere..and is quite surprised to see the car park full..so he pulls in parks up and enters the pub..

The general hum of conversation falls silent as every one in the pub turns to watch the stranger amongst them approach the bar.

The landlord enquires as to what the salesman would like..I'll have a weak bitter shandy..

So as the landlord pulls the handle of the bitter he enquires of the stranger.."you on holiday..?"...no I'm working. Oh I see what you do then...actually I'm a taxidermist...I've been out selling my wares...taxidermist eh ? Enquires the landlord what would be a taxidermist then....and everyone in the pub is now intently listening to the conversation at the bar..

Not sure how best to explain the salesman decided the easiest way to explain was to say I stuff animals...lifting his head the landlord shouts it's ok boys...

HE'S ONE OF US..!!!

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By *ancardiff7 OP Man
over a year ago

Near Cowbridge

Things have turned a bit mild here.

C'mon, let's have something utterly reprehensible please!

Like this:

How do people in wheelchairs go down the stairs?

Fast...

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By *ovegames42Man
over a year ago

london

Ok you asked for it, please don’t hold me responsible

Gary glitters favourite after dinner mints

“ under eights “.

Apologies.

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By *ancardiff7 OP Man
over a year ago

Near Cowbridge

Good, we're back on track.

I've always been pretty sensitive to WWII jokes because my grandad died in Auschwitz.

The poor bastard fell out of a watchtower.

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By *ovegames42Man
over a year ago

london

"Good, we're back on track.

I've always been pretty sensitive to WWII jokes because my grandad died in Auschwitz.

The poor bastard fell out of a watchtower."

Touche sir

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By *ovegames42Man
over a year ago

london

Jewis Kamikaze pilot.

Crashed his plane into his brother scrap yard

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By *ORDERMANMan
over a year ago

wrexham

What do you do if an epileptic has a fit in the bath....?

Throw your washing in...

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By *shrop_cpleCouple
over a year ago

Ceredigion

Q.How do you know when your sister is on the rags?

A.Your fathers cock tastes funny!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's the difference between a lorry load of marbles and a lorry load of babies?

You can't unload the marbles with a pitch fork.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why does Michael J Fox make the best milkshakes?

He uses the finest ingredients...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The justice system in this country sucks.

I mean, my neighbour's child was climbing on the tree that overhangs my garden fence, and he fell out and landed on the fence!!

Now I'M the one who's going to have to get a fucking lawyer...!

If I want to keep my half of the kid..

I mean, how shit is that? How the fuck am I supposed to be able to afford my taxidermy bill now???

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By *ancardiff7 OP Man
over a year ago

Near Cowbridge

Going dark now

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By *elshcouple18Couple
over a year ago

Cardiff

My daughter came running into the house crying yesterday, I asked what was wrong, she replied saying Sally wouldn't play skipping with her. Oh petal, I replied, you know she can't, as it only makes her stumps bleed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I was having a handjob from a new girlfriend. And I asked "how are you so good at this?"

"Years of practice" She said

"Bit of a player in your day was you" I laughed

"No" she replied, "my dad had no arms"

"
fucking pmsl

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By *oby le roneMan
over a year ago

Treorchy

whats the hardest part of cooking a vegitable?

Getting the wheelchair in the pot!

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By *shrop_cpleCouple
over a year ago

Ceredigion

My pal mentioned to me that his wife had Acute Angina. I replied "she aint got a bad pair of Knockers either!".

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By *ovegames42Man
over a year ago

london

"whats the hardest part of cooking a vegitable?

Getting the wheelchair in the pot!"

Ouch

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 06/08/20 21:35:55]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"whats the hardest part of cooking a vegitable?

Getting the wheelchair in the pot!

Ouch "
had to delete that one lol i only heard the whats the hardest part of eating a cabbage ....the wheelchair aint heard that version

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By *9cumcum69Man
over a year ago

Wolverton

This has to be the sickest one

What file would you use to make a small hole bigger ......

...... a paedophile

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ouch! Well if we're heading down that road....

What's the best thing about fucking 28 year olds?

There’s 20 of them...

Say it out loud

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How do you castrate a Catholic priest?

Kick the choir boy in the head.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As I said to the judge, masturbation is not a crime! So why do I keep getting pulled over for it?

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By *ancardiff7 OP Man
over a year ago

Near Cowbridge

What do a pizza delivery driver and gynecologist have in common?

They both smell it but can't eat it.

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By *ancardiff7 OP Man
over a year ago

Near Cowbridge

My first high-school rugby game was a lot like my first time having sex…

I was bloody and sore at the end, but at least my dad came.

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By *ORDERMANMan
over a year ago

wrexham

This one is a visual one...

So may not convey well

Why do alter boys have centre hair partings....?

(You have to visualise the priest here)

Bless you my boy...bless you my boy

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By *ancardiff7 OP Man
over a year ago

Near Cowbridge

Fair play Fab, you've shown your dark side on this thread. Maybe too dark at times for some but nothing is sacred in comedy as they say.

Let's see if we can get a 2nd volume out of it

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