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By *eafety OP   Woman
over a year ago

penarth

**** BREAKING NEWS ****

EARTHQUAKE IN NEWPORT, SOUTH WALES.

An earthquake measuring 4.3 on the Richter scale hit Newport in the early hours, with the epicentre in the Pill area. Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering "Fuuuckinell".

The tremor decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and the Costa del Sol were damaged beyond repair.

Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their giros arrived. The South Wales Argus reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered and were still coming to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Newport. One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said, "it was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes come running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Victoria-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was skinning up and watching Jeremy Kyle the next morning".

Apparently looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried on as normal. The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of White Lightning to the stricken locals.

Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland.

HOW CAN YOU HELP?

This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster.

Clothing is most sought after - items most needed include:

Baseball caps

Full matching tracksuits

Nike Huarachi trainers

Tartan pyjamas

UGG Boots and any other items usually sold in Primark.

Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.

Microwave meals, Pot Noodles, Tins of baked beans, ice cream, Cans of Strong Bow or Special Brew and of course pies.

22p buys a biro for filling in compensation forms.

£3 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9.

£8 buys B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.

*Saw this on Facebook ... cannot take credit for it *

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Love it, made me lol x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I heard that besides causing £30 of damage it also caused £4 million of improvement.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

made me smile lol

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By *arren e treggidenMan
over a year ago

pembroke dock wales


"**** BREAKING NEWS ****

EARTHQUAKE IN NEWPORT, SOUTH WALES.

An earthquake measuring 4.3 on the Richter scale hit Newport in the early hours, with the epicentre in the Pill area. Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering "Fuuuckinell".

The tremor decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and the Costa del Sol were damaged beyond repair.

Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their giros arrived. The South Wales Argus reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered and were still coming to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Newport. One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said, "it was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes come running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Victoria-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was skinning up and watching Jeremy Kyle the next morning".

Apparently looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried on as normal. The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of White Lightning to the stricken locals.

Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland.

HOW CAN YOU HELP?

This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster.

Clothing is most sought after - items most needed include:

Baseball caps

Full matching tracksuits

Nike Huarachi trainers

Tartan pyjamas

UGG Boots and any other items usually sold in Primark.

Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.

Microwave meals, Pot Noodles, Tins of baked beans, ice cream, Cans of Strong Bow or Special Brew and of course pies.

22p buys a biro for filling in compensation forms.

£3 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9.

£8 buys B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.

*Saw this on Facebook ... cannot take credit for it *"

Criky as I read this the news was on about an earthquake but was in turkey scary shit

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By *akeitanywayWoman
over a year ago

merthyr

Made me lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think the woman in question has now re named her daughter Prossecco Mercedes as she dun wan er daughter be different and be picked on .

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By *astmeetswest77Couple
over a year ago

monmouth

As a Newportonian born and bred. I resent the fact that people think it's a run down shit hole full of scum bags.

It's far worse than that these days.

Long may I never return

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