FabSwingers.com forum: Uncle Roy's Agony Uncle Page

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Come and cwtch into uncle Roy's chest, offload your problems in uncle Roy's ear and listen to his very wise advice.

All posts must start 'Dear Uncle Roy'

Go!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear Uncle Roy

I fucked a bloke from Port Talbot last night

Will I die??

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By *pples123456Man
over a year ago

Cardiff

Dear Uncle Roy,

Its a thing that's been bugging me for a while now, why do I seam to get a load of time wasters on here.. Also that other people assume that all my str8 friends must be bi as they know me ...

You wise cafe advise would be much appreciated

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear Uncle Roy

I fucked a bloke from Port Talbot last night

Will I die??

Dear MissP69,

I'm very sorry to tell you but you most likely will.

Unless of course you used protection... Didn't tell him your name, telephone number or so on to store on his phone.

Might I suggest if you give him any such info that you wear a Burkha and sneak into his bedroom at dusk and delete any information given off his phone.

Uncle Roy entrusts you're a proper Neath girl and didn't give him any correct information anyway.

All my love,

Uncle Roy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear Uncle Roy,

Are there better places to live in Wales outside of Skewen?

I'm a proud born and interbred Skewen lad. But now feel it's time I moved on.

A man of your experienced cardigan wearing must surely have some answers.

Yours Sincerely,

Dave.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear uncle Roy

I'm at my wits end there's an old bloke wants to give me oral

And am worried he's not got his own gnashers

I mean imagine losing them up me crack

How do I get through this much love Milly

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear Uncle Roy,

I live in West Wales, will I EVER get laid by anyone other than a dirty old farmer???

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear Uncle Roy,

Its a thing that's been bugging me for a while now, why do I seam to get a load of time wasters on here.. Also that other people assume that all my str8 friends must be bi as they know me ...

You wise cafe advise would be much appreciated "

Dear Apples123456

What a dreadful thing you're experiencing, my solution for time wasters is simple, eat a whole white chocolate and strawberry cheesecake at night washed down with about 8 cans of beer, then 3 pies before bed.

Soon you'll pile on the pounds and won't be able to see your willy and you'll soon forget about sex and not engage with people to have your time wasted.

As for everybody assuming your straight mates are Bi, get them to engage in sexual acts with the same sex and they'll soon be perfectly bi and folk will find somebody else to talk about.

Might I suggest they upload photos of the acts they commit too for proof/confirmation.

I hope this advices reaches you well and gives you the solutions that you seek with your problems.

All my love (not in a Ghey way)

Uncle Roy

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By *pples123456Man
over a year ago

Cardiff

"Dear Uncle Roy,

Its a thing that's been bugging me for a while now, why do I seam to get a load of time wasters on here.. Also that other people assume that all my str8 friends must be bi as they know me ...

You wise cafe advise would be much appreciated

Dear Apples123456

Soon you'll pile on the pounds and won't be able to see your willy and you'll soon forget about sex and not engage with people to have your time wasted.

As for everybody assuming your straight mates are Bi, get them to engage in sexual acts with the same sex and they'll soon be perfectly bi and folk will find somebody else to talk about.

Might I suggest they upload photos of the acts they commit too for proof/confirmation.

I hope this advices reaches you well and gives you the solutions that you seek with your problems.

All my love (not in a Ghey way)

Uncle Roy"

Dear Uncle Roy. ,

Thanks for the advise, I don't drink beer, so can I drink 1ltr of vodka but using full. Fat , would that have the same effect..

With regards to the photo's when I've obtain them they will be unloaded but I feel people will only talk more thinking fuck he's bi lol

Thanks for the advise ..

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear Uncle Roy,

Are there better places to live in Wales outside of Skewen?

I'm a proud born and interbred Skewen lad. But now feel it's time I moved on.

A man of your experienced cardigan wearing must surely have some answers.

Yours Sincerely,

Dave."

Dear Dave1174

Are you absolutely crazy? I think this might be over Roy's head but let me try and make you see sense.

Skewen is THE best place to live, you have Cafe's, shops, parks, very helpful and respectful youths... What more could a man possibly want?! I've even seen members of Fab live there too.

That said... If you're absolutely out of your mind and insist on moving to pastures new and leaving Skewen in all it's mighty glory behind - Bargoed has a Morrisons.

Passing big hugs to you,

Hope you actually just go and see a doctor for meds to help you see sense.

Uncle Roy

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear uncle Roy

I'm at my wits end there's an old bloke wants to give me oral

And am worried he's not got his own gnashers

I mean imagine losing them up me crack

How do I get through this much love Milly

Dear Milly Moon,

Come and sit on Uncle Roy's knee to talk this over.

Well assuming you're a mother and pushed your babies out its very likely that you have a foof like a wind tunnel. But uncle Roy has a solution for you.

Purchase some fishing wire and make him wear spectacles when he performs oral sex on you but prior to it tie a good length of fishing wire to both his teeth and the spectacles - if they do pop out he can insert his arm and fish out his teeth or you yourself can just pull on the fishing line until they come out.

If his glasses get sucked off into your foof too you could get a strong magnet and the glasses will anchor onto the magnet and the teeth follow when pulled out.

Now go and enjoy your muffing.

All my love,

Uncle Roy

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear Uncle Roy,

I live in West Wales, will I EVER get laid by anyone other than a dirty old farmer???

Dear Fitchick,

You my dear were sent by God to the West of Wales to satisfy the needs of our Welsh farmers, embrace it, embrace you're a gift from God and you spread your wings and legs and do gods work.

Might I suggest when engaging in sex that you insist on them bringing along their more handsome son or grandson to look at whilst they're fucking you.

But some good news for you, I'm also a psychic... A week next Thursday you'll have a message off a fit as fuck guy on here who will be in your area looking for fun (whilst his wife is at work).

All my love and best wishes.

Roy

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By *astmeetswest77Couple
over a year ago

monmouth

Dear uncle roy

I haven't got a lot to do at the moment cos I'm waiting for the football to start.

But there is one thing on my mind.

Why is scrumpy jack so refreshing when you need a hair of the dog?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear uncle Roy

I attended a social today, I sat in a wet patch which was left by a female from Newport,it made my jeans wet, and made me smell like salmon, a bit later on the organiser of the social sniffed me, got rather horny, and started dry humping my left leg.

My question is do you know the female from Newport, and can you get me a bottle of her urine?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Dear uncle Roy

I'm at my wits end there's an old bloke wants to give me oral

And am worried he's not got his own gnashers

I mean imagine losing them up me crack

How do I get through this much love Milly

Dear Milly Moon,

Come and sit on Uncle Roy's knee to talk this over.

Well assuming you're a mother and pushed your babies out its very likely that you have a foof like a wind tunnel. But uncle Roy has a solution for you.

If his glasses get sucked off into your foof too you could get a strong magnet and the glasses will anchor onto the magnet and the teeth follow when pulled out.

Now go and enjoy your muffing.

All my love,

Uncle Roy "

good advice uncle Roy thank you

On my way to buy the fishing wire as we speak!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear uncle roy

I haven't got a lot to do at the moment cos I'm waiting for the football to start.

But there is one thing on my mind.

Why is scrumpy jack so refreshing when you need a hair of the dog?

Dear Eastmeetswest77,

We had quite a bad experience with that stuff but fear not, uncle Roy can still help, firstly I'd like to tell you about my experience with it so you never make the same mistake that I did.

Hayley and I were on our way back from Hayley helping the masses at Port Talbot Steel Works... Well basically the boys took her on as a distraction when the owners were in those big talks recently, anyway Hayley was positioned on a bed by the gates for the frustrated workers to 'relieve themselves' she did a 24 hour shift then called me to pick her up - anyway, en-route I picked her up a can of said cider because they didn't have any others, well just in case she didn't like it I just got her the one and placed it on the passenger seat... Hayley jumped in when I arrived at the steel works and let's just say Hayley's vagina sucked the can up - well Hayley doesn't have that deep of a hole but her pussy had a fecking firm grip of the can and we couldn't get it out.... Anyway, we decided as the can was pointing out with the ring pull visible that if get her to stand up on her hands, open the can, drink the cider, releasing the pressure and giving the can more rigidity in the hopes to crush it and release - she did a handstand whilst leaning against the car, I opened up and she put her legs on my shoulders and we leaned back slowly as I gulped the whole can not to waste it.

So in answer to your question - it's because it's not too dry, tart, sweet and doesn't have any preservative tang to it.

That will be why!

And to those concerned, we did get the can out eventually but had to further stretch her as my plan didn't work.

With the greatest of regards,

Roy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Dear Uncle Roy,

Are there better places to live in Wales outside of Skewen?

I'm a proud born and interbred Skewen lad. But now feel it's time I moved on.

A man of your experienced cardigan wearing must surely have some answers.

Yours Sincerely,

Dave.

Dear Dave1174

Are you absolutely crazy? I think this might be over Roy's head but let me try and make you see sense.

Skewen is THE best place to live, you have Cafe's, shops, parks, very helpful and respectful youths... What more could a man possibly want?! I've even seen members of Fab live there too.

That said... If you're absolutely out of your mind and insist on moving to pastures new and leaving Skewen in all it's mighty glory behind - Bargoed has a Morrisons.

Passing big hugs to you,

Hope you actually just go and see a doctor for meds to help you see sense.

Uncle Roy"

Dear Uncle Roy,

I have phoned the GP surgery in Skewen this afternoon to make an appointment with Dr Half-Evans-Quarter-Jones,to discuss my feelings in wanting to move from the best place in Wales.

Luckily for me they have had a cancellation and can squeeze me in to see the Dr on the 28th of November. As you can appreciate the surgery in Skewen is a very busy place and clearly over used.

However,I will keep you informed as to the outcome.

Thanks for your words of wisdom,

Dave.

PS. If he gives me them funny pills,do you know of anybody who wants to buy some?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear uncle Roy

My question is do you know the female from Newport, and can you get me a bottle of her urine?"

Dear Dempster Dingbunger40

Spiffing that you had what sounds like an enjoyable day. I congratulate you.

As I don't personally know the female might I suggest a DNA test on your jeans in the hope that a matched profile can be found and then you could enlist a private investigator to track said person down - then I'd employ a ninja who's good with cups or other objects that collect said piss - they could follow the lady around and do cartwheels, backflips and shit and follow her to toilets and slip said collection device under the female in a bid to collect a bottle full.

You could also enlist a fab member to befriend her and take her for a drink and make her drink pints of beer so that you'll get your quantity quicker.

Failing the above - you could just google 'leaky fanny Newport' and see if she's on Facebook or something?

I bid you a good evening fine gentleman.

Roy

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By *ar-Some CoupleCouple
over a year ago

from somewhere glittery & sparkly

Dear uncle roy

I seem to be attracting the elderly.

Even today when out and about I had to give one my seat.

Any advice???

Mrs s

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By *astmeetswest77Couple
over a year ago

monmouth

"Dear uncle roy

I haven't got a lot to do at the moment cos I'm waiting for the football to start.

But there is one thing on my mind.

Why is scrumpy jack so refreshing when you need a hair of the dog?

Dear Eastmeetswest77,

We had quite a bad experience with that stuff but fear not, uncle Roy can still help, firstly I'd like to tell you about my experience with it so you never make the same mistake that I did.

So in answer to your question - it's because it's not too dry, tart, sweet and doesn't have any preservative tang to it.

That will be why!

And to those concerned, we did get the can out eventually but had to further stretch her as my plan didn't work.

With the greatest of regards,

Roy "

Wow! Wasn't expecting a reply like that.

And some other poor sod that works for tata

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 07/07/16 21:24:01]

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear uncle roy

I haven't got a lot to do at the moment cos I'm waiting for the football to start.

But there is one thing on my mind.

Why is scrumpy jack so refreshing when you need a hair of the dog?

Dear Eastmeetswest77,

We had quite a bad experience with that stuff but fear not, uncle Roy can still help, firstly I'd like to tell you about my experience with it so you never make the same mistake that I did.

So in answer to your question - it's because it's not too dry, tart, sweet and doesn't have any preservative tang to it.

That will be why!

And to those concerned, we did get the can out eventually but had to further stretch her as my plan didn't work.

With the greatest of regards,

Roy

Wow! Wasn't expecting a reply like that.

And some other poor sod that works for tata

In light of this thread being banter it's neither intended to be offensive or taken seriously.

As you can likely tell.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Dear uncle roy

I haven't got a lot to do at the moment cos I'm waiting for the football to start.

But there is one thing on my mind.

Why is scrumpy jack so refreshing when you need a hair of the dog?

Dear Eastmeetswest77,

We had quite a bad experience with that stuff but fear not, uncle Roy can still help, firstly I'd like to tell you about my experience with it so you never make the same mistake that I did.

So in answer to your question - it's because it's not too dry, tart, sweet and doesn't have any preservative tang to it.

That will be why!

And to those concerned, we did get the can out eventually but had to further stretch her as my plan didn't work.

With the greatest of regards,

Roy

Wow! Wasn't expecting a reply like that.

And some other poor sod that works for tata

In light of this thread being banter it's neither intended to be offensive or taken seriously.

As you can likely tell. "

Always one

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Dear uncle Roy

My question is do you know the female from Newport, and can you get me a bottle of her urine?

Dear Dempster Dingbunger40

Spiffing that you had what sounds like an enjoyable day. I congratulate you.

You could also enlist a fab member to befriend her and take her for a drink and make her drink pints of beer so that you'll get your quantity quicker.

Failing the above - you could just google 'leaky fanny Newport' and see if she's on Facebook or something?

I bid you a good evening fine gentleman.

Roy "

Dear uncle Roy

I read your advice with excitement, it just so happens there's a home for semi retired ninjas a short walk from me, so off I trotted. I explained my story, I was taken aback by the response, they claimed I was taking the piss, I explained that it would indeed be them that were taking the piss which made them listen further, untill they found out it was Newport, apparently even highly trained semi retired ninjas are scared to go to Newport.

All I can suggest now us that you catch, and bottle Haileys minge sweat for me, and we'll hope it has the desired effect

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Dear uncle Roy

My question is do you know the female from Newport, and can you get me a bottle of her urine?

Dear Dempster Dingbunger40

Spiffing that you had what sounds like an enjoyable day. I congratulate you.

You could also enlist a fab member to befriend her and take her for a drink and make her drink pints of beer so that you'll get your quantity quicker.

Failing the above - you could just google 'leaky fanny Newport' and see if she's on Facebook or something?

I bid you a good evening fine gentleman.

Roy

Dear uncle Roy

All I can suggest now us that you catch, and bottle Haileys minge sweat for me, and we'll hope it has the desired effect

'Scuse me....Hayley's minge DOES NOT sweat I'll have you know.

Well not much.

Thankyou

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By *ockman3858Man
over a year ago

didcot

Dear uncle Roy I am looking for bi or perverted couples

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear Uncle Roy,

I have this problem as I can't seem to drive to the speed limit and have just recently acquired another 3 points, my question is how can I stop getting points but also still get my speed kicks. Thanks Ray

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear uncle Roy

I wonder if u can explane to me how come guys born from 1980 has the biggest cocks ever are they using miracle grow has cum these days if so can u find me a 5ft 11 or taller guy with meat on bones inked shaven head with one ov these said cocks please

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear Uncle Roy,

Are there better places to live in Wales outside of Skewen?

I'm a proud born and interbred Skewen lad. But now feel it's time I moved on.

A man of your experienced cardigan wearing must surely have some answers.

Yours Sincerely,

Dave.

Dear Dave1174

Are you absolutely crazy? I think this might be over Roy's head but let me try and make you see sense.

Skewen is THE best place to live, you have Cafe's, shops, parks, very helpful and respectful youths... What more could a man possibly want?! I've even seen members of Fab live there too.

That said... If you're absolutely out of your mind and insist on moving to pastures new and leaving Skewen in all it's mighty glory behind - Bargoed has a Morrisons.

Passing big hugs to you,

Hope you actually just go and see a doctor for meds to help you see sense.

Uncle Roy

Dear Uncle Roy,

I have phoned the GP surgery in Skewen this afternoon to make an appointment with Dr Half-Evans-Quarter-Jones,to discuss my feelings in wanting to move from the best place in Wales.

Luckily for me they have had a cancellation and can squeeze me in to see the Dr on the 28th of November. As you can appreciate the surgery in Skewen is a very busy place and clearly over used.

However,I will keep you informed as to the outcome.

Thanks for your words of wisdom,

Dave.

PS. If he gives me them funny pills,do you know of anybody who wants to buy some?"

Dear Dave,

I am delighted you've managed to get an appointment with your GP, enjoy your summer, Autumn and just think once they're out of the way you can finally see your GP and get your head sorted.

I was amassed with fear when I read you wanted to leave Skewen.

Another option for you would be go and do your PCV licence and purchase an open top bus and do tours of Skewen... Host the tours and I'm very sure when you're giving said tours you'll come to realise just how amazing Skewen is.

Uncle Roy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear uncle roy

I'm horny as fuck this morning and none of my friends are online, should i just shag a random guy? Or wait

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By *ar-Some CoupleCouple
over a year ago

from somewhere glittery & sparkly

Dear uncle roy,

The Mrs is slowly killing me she wants sex all the bloody time.

Even had to have it 10mins after my new tattoo.

Do you think I should get her help????

Cheers mate

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Uncle Roy is very sorry you're all going through these dreadful times but will endeavour to answer you all once he's been to his book club

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By *exy hot ass 2017Woman
over a year ago

caerphilly

Dear uncle roy is it very bad to want to f....k a black man or 2 xxx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Uncle Roy has an hour free soon so will be replying to all your problems

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear uncle roy is it very bad to want to f....k a black man or 2 xxx"

Dear SexyDuo,

I see you have a huge problem here, but fear not, many people have been in same boat on here.

There are plenty of bi black guys who take it up the bum so you both fuck away.

All my love,

Roy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Haven't been around much but absolutely pissing at this guys. Da iawn

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear uncle roy

I seem to be attracting the elderly.

Even today when out and about I had to give one my seat.

Any advice???

Mrs s

Dear Mrs S,

This is absolutely ludicrous! Do not get sucked in by their charm.

What more... Why are you giving up your seat for that generation?

They fought wars, went through severe hardships, jeez, us of a lesser age are not built to last. Next time you feel the urge to give you seat up might I suggest you just piss on it or do a really loud fart so they just move away from you.

I hope this advice is of some use to you.

With love,

Uncle Roy

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear uncle Roy I am looking for bi or perverted couples "

Is this a statement or is it a question?

Mightiest of regards,

Roy

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear Uncle Roy,

Dear BeardyGuy,

How awful, this sounds so much like Hayley's antics in the trusty old Morris... However, uncle Roy has a solution for you.

Book a flight to Thailand or Turkey, amass £3000 before your travels, have your cock chopped off, have breast implants, shave your beard off and wear short skirts.

When you feel the urge to then speed whilst your driving, if you happen to be pulled over by a copper just flash your gash and ask if they want to go for a ride.

That said, your other issue will be speed cameras... A find a stick of TnT removes them with ease.

I hope this finds you a solution kind sir,

With regards,

Roy.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear uncle Roy

Dear Kajira,

This is something Hayley and I are quite versed at, well, what happens was, the Internet!

Back in the day unless you went into a pub and told all the guys to lob their cocks out you couldn't be sure what you're gonna get rather than meeting in a traditional way, woman walks into bar... Man clonks woman on head, man carries lady home, shags her, inseminates her, man marries woman, woman cries herself to sleep and so on.

But you're in luck!!!! I've seen a few that meet your specifications and they're proper nice too, problem is I've likely shagged them if they're fit. But i'm a fair man and happy to share.

I shall let a few out of my basement when I get a chance.

With Love,

Roy

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear uncle roy

I'm horny as fuck this morning and none of my friends are online, should i just shag a random guy? Or wait

Dear Lemon Lush,

You my dear need to arrange a gangbang. Find an assortment of guys and take them all in your ass, pussy and mouth. No barring holes because that's nasty.

Call this expanding your friends list... You look after your future dear and make sure it's one filled with the delights that cock brings you.

All my love,

Roy

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear uncle roy,

The Mrs is slowly killing me she wants sex all the bloody time.

Even had to have it 10mins after my new tattoo.

Do you think I should get her help????

Cheers mate

Dear Mr,

I suggest you send your wife off to university in Dubai, for no other reason than its a lovely place, but then so is Skewen.

I wouldn't say your misses needs help, I think you should just call all your mates around to take it in turns to please her when she requires. That's what friends are for right.

If however she does manage to kill you i'm sure you'll have died a very happy man.

I can forward you details of companies you can pre plan your funeral with if its of any help.

Kindest regards,

Roy

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By *ar-Some CoupleCouple
over a year ago

from somewhere glittery & sparkly

"Dear uncle roy,

The Mrs is slowly killing me she wants sex all the bloody time.

Even had to have it 10mins after my new tattoo.

Do you think I should get her help????

Cheers mate

Dear Mr,

I suggest you send your wife off to university in Dubai, for no other reason than its a lovely place, but then so is Skewen.

I wouldn't say your misses needs help, I think you should just call all your mates around to take it in turns to please her when she requires. That's what friends are for right.

If however she does manage to kill you i'm sure you'll have died a very happy man.

I can forward you details of companies you can pre plan your funeral with if its of any help.

Kindest regards,

Roy "

Thank you Roy. But it's too late. She has dumped me coz I wouldn't buy her a Cost Cutters top like Hayley's. Great advice tho.

Mr.

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By *3xymamaWoman
over a year ago

Uptown Top Ranking

"Dear uncle roy,

The Mrs is slowly killing me she wants sex all the bloody time.

Even had to have it 10mins after my new tattoo.

Do you think I should get her help????

Cheers mate

Dear Mr,

I suggest you send your wife off to university in Dubai, for no other reason than its a lovely place, but then so is Skewen.

I wouldn't say your misses needs help, I think you should just call all your mates around to take it in turns to please her when she requires. That's what friends are for right.

If however she does manage to kill you i'm sure you'll have died a very happy man.

I can forward you details of companies you can pre plan your funeral with if its of any help.

Kindest regards,

Roy

Thank you Roy. But it's too late. She has dumped me coz I wouldn't buy her a Cost Cutters top like Hayley's. Great advice tho.

Mr.

Get her an iceland one like mine then!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Dear Uncle Roy,

Dear BeardyGuy,

How awful, this sounds so much like Hayley's antics in the trusty old Morris... However, uncle Roy has a solution for you.

Book a flight to Thailand or Turkey, amass £3000 before your travels, have your cock chopped off, have breast implants, shave your beard off and wear short skirts.

When you feel the urge to then speed whilst your driving, if you happen to be pulled over by a copper just flash your gash and ask if they want to go for a ride.

That said, your other issue will be speed cameras... A find a stick of TnT removes them with ease.

I hope this finds you a solution kind sir,

With regards,

Roy."

Thanks Roy

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By *ar-Some CoupleCouple
over a year ago

from somewhere glittery & sparkly

"Dear uncle roy,

The Mrs is slowly killing me she wants sex all the bloody time.

Even had to have it 10mins after my new tattoo.

Do you think I should get her help????

Cheers mate

Dear Mr,

I suggest you send your wife off to university in Dubai, for no other reason than its a lovely place, but then so is Skewen.

I wouldn't say your misses needs help, I think you should just call all your mates around to take it in turns to please her when she requires. That's what friends are for right.

If however she does manage to kill you i'm sure you'll have died a very happy man.

I can forward you details of companies you can pre plan your funeral with if its of any help.

Kindest regards,

Roy

Thank you Roy. But it's too late. She has dumped me coz I wouldn't buy her a Cost Cutters top like Hayley's. Great advice tho.

Mr.

Get her an iceland one like mine then!

I'll try and win her back with an Iceland one. Although she did throw a Lidl one back at me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Dear uncle roy,

The Mrs is slowly killing me she wants sex all the bloody time.

Even had to have it 10mins after my new tattoo.

Do you think I should get her help????

Cheers mate

Dear Mr,

I suggest you send your wife off to university in Dubai, for no other reason than its a lovely place, but then so is Skewen.

I wouldn't say your misses needs help, I think you should just call all your mates around to take it in turns to please her when she requires. That's what friends are for right.

If however she does manage to kill you i'm sure you'll have died a very happy man.

I can forward you details of companies you can pre plan your funeral with if its of any help.

Kindest regards,

Roy

Thank you Roy. But it's too late. She has dumped me coz I wouldn't buy her a Cost Cutters top like Hayley's. Great advice tho.

Mr.

Get her an iceland one like mine then!

Bloody snob. Seven Sisters Costcutter carrier bags not good enough for you 'Mamma??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear Uncle Roy (and I am genuinely serious by here)

The Turkish guy who spunked in my mouth in the Travelodge (causing me to subsequently heave so badly that I pissed myself) on student night in Swansea last summer has just friend requested me on Facebook. I blocked him on all means of contact including the 'Book after he pestered me at all hours for weeks after via various avenues. I am asssuming he has a new 'Book profile. Help

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By *3xymamaWoman
over a year ago

Uptown Top Ranking

"Dear uncle roy,

The Mrs is slowly killing me she wants sex all the bloody time.

Even had to have it 10mins after my new tattoo.

Do you think I should get her help????

Cheers mate

Dear Mr,

I suggest you send your wife off to university in Dubai, for no other reason than its a lovely place, but then so is Skewen.

I wouldn't say your misses needs help, I think you should just call all your mates around to take it in turns to please her when she requires. That's what friends are for right.

If however she does manage to kill you i'm sure you'll have died a very happy man.

I can forward you details of companies you can pre plan your funeral with if its of any help.

Kindest regards,

Roy

Thank you Roy. But it's too late. She has dumped me coz I wouldn't buy her a Cost Cutters top like Hayley's. Great advice tho.

Mr.

Get her an iceland one like mine then!

Bloody snob. Seven Sisters Costcutter carrier bags not good enough for you 'Mamma??

Oi, MissP you know I ain't a snob........lol

They just don't have a costcutter near me. Get me a bag big enough and I'll model it

Just for you......pmsl

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear Uncle Roy (and I am genuinely serious by here)

Dear MissP69

Sounds like you had a terrific time at the Travel Lodge, Hayley and I often frequent it when we go on our travels, luxury beds at affordable prices... Just bloody great aren't they

Anyhow, if I were you I'd block him again, then I'd hire a hit man to take him out.

And by take him out I mean take him out for dinner or something, somewhere intimate and cosy where he can turn him gay and enjoy some bum fun with him... Perhaps they can go back to a travel lodge (other hotels are available) and assuming the hit man could be quite forceful I'm sure he would also be forceful in mind and make him want him so bad he'll never bother you again.

I hope this advice finds you though your awful situation, and might it also suggest you turn lesbian so this doesn't happen again

Lots of love,

Roy

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear uncle roy,

The Mrs is slowly killing me she wants sex all the bloody time.

Even had to have it 10mins after my new tattoo.

Do you think I should get her help????

Cheers mate

Dear Mr,

I suggest you send your wife off to university in Dubai, for no other reason than its a lovely place, but then so is Skewen.

I wouldn't say your misses needs help, I think you should just call all your mates around to take it in turns to please her when she requires. That's what friends are for right.

If however she does manage to kill you i'm sure you'll have died a very happy man.

I can forward you details of companies you can pre plan your funeral with if its of any help.

Kindest regards,

Roy

Thank you Roy. But it's too late. She has dumped me coz I wouldn't buy her a Cost Cutters top like Hayley's. Great advice tho.

Mr.

Get her an iceland one like mine then!

Bloody snob. Seven Sisters Costcutter carrier bags not good enough for you 'Mamma??

Oi, MissP you know I ain't a snob........lol

They just don't have a costcutter near me. Get me a bag big enough and I'll model it

Just for you......pmsl

Nice bag,

Roy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Dear Uncle Roy,

Are there better places to live in Wales outside of Skewen?

I'm a proud born and interbred Skewen lad. But now feel it's time I moved on.

A man of your experienced cardigan wearing must surely have some answers.

Yours Sincerely,

Dave.

Dear Dave1174

Are you absolutely crazy? I think this might be over Roy's head but let me try and make you see sense.

Skewen is THE best place to live, you have Cafe's, shops, parks, very helpful and respectful youths... What more could a man possibly want?! I've even seen members of Fab live there too.

That said... If you're absolutely out of your mind and insist on moving to pastures new and leaving Skewen in all it's mighty glory behind - Bargoed has a Morrisons.

Passing big hugs to you,

Hope you actually just go and see a doctor for meds to help you see sense.

Uncle Roy

Dear Uncle Roy,

I have phoned the GP surgery in Skewen this afternoon to make an appointment with Dr Half-Evans-Quarter-Jones,to discuss my feelings in wanting to move from the best place in Wales.

Luckily for me they have had a cancellation and can squeeze me in to see the Dr on the 28th of November. As you can appreciate the surgery in Skewen is a very busy place and clearly over used.

However,I will keep you informed as to the outcome.

Thanks for your words of wisdom,

Dave.

PS. If he gives me them funny pills,do you know of anybody who wants to buy some?

Dear Dave,

I am delighted you've managed to get an appointment with your GP, enjoy your summer, Autumn and just think once they're out of the way you can finally see your GP and get your head sorted.

I was amassed with fear when I read you wanted to leave Skewen.

Uncle Roy. "

Dearest Uncle Roy,

I have been to sit my PVC test today. I'm pleased to tell you that after sitting there for 6 hours in a skin tight sailors suit looking like Dafydd from little Britain. I passed. But I'm still confused as to how this helps with the open top bus????

Kindest regards,

Dave.

P.S Shit,you meant PCV didn't you????

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear uncle Roy

Thank you for ur kindness nothing like a bit of sharing amongst friends at least they been tried and tested and only the best cocks are allowed in ur basement just hope you have not completely wrecked them first and the said large cocks are in perfect working order has I need to abuse it for 24 hours hope this is acceptable for you all I need to know is when I can expect the really dirty fuck has I'm getting rather wet know and the 80 year old guy next door is starting to look horny iv even contemplated enticing his dog over for a few hours

Yours kajira1965

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Dear Uncle Roy,

Are there better places to live in Wales outside of Skewen?

I'm a proud born and interbred Skewen lad. But now feel it's time I moved on.

A man of your experienced cardigan wearing must surely have some answers.

Yours Sincerely,

Dave.

Dear Dave1174

Are you absolutely crazy? I think this might be over Roy's head but let me try and make you see sense.

Skewen is THE best place to live, you have Cafe's, shops, parks, very helpful and respectful youths... What more could a man possibly want?! I've even seen members of Fab live there too.

That said... If you're absolutely out of your mind and insist on moving to pastures new and leaving Skewen in all it's mighty glory behind - Bargoed has a Morrisons.

Passing big hugs to you,

Hope you actually just go and see a doctor for meds to help you see sense.

Uncle Roy

Dear Uncle Roy,

I have phoned the GP surgery in Skewen this afternoon to make an appointment with Dr Half-Evans-Quarter-Jones,to discuss my feelings in wanting to move from the best place in Wales.

Luckily for me they have had a cancellation and can squeeze me in to see the Dr on the 28th of November. As you can appreciate the surgery in Skewen is a very busy place and clearly over used.

However,I will keep you informed as to the outcome.

Thanks for your words of wisdom,

Dave.

PS. If he gives me them funny pills,do you know of anybody who wants to buy some?

Dear Dave,

I am delighted you've managed to get an appointment with your GP, enjoy your summer, Autumn and just think once they're out of the way you can finally see your GP and get your head sorted.

I was amassed with fear when I read you wanted to leave Skewen.

Uncle Roy.

Dearest Uncle Roy,

Kindest regards,

Dave.

P.S Shit,you meant PCV didn't you????

LMFAO

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Come and cwtch into uncle Roy's chest, offload your problems in uncle Roy's ear and listen to his very wise advice.

All posts must start 'Dear Uncle Roy'

Go!"

Uncle Roy would you agree that the Welsh team being paraded around Cardiff as a bus full of victorious Loosers was kinda ott and the funding could have been directed to

More needier probs or if not lick my leg n call me Lenny ha ha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear Uncle Roy,

I can't believe them cheeky fucking footballers nicked my open top bus!!!!

The sly fuckers didn't even offer me to drive,just coz I wanted cash in hand,in order to buy a dodgy PCV licence off Saucy.She's dodgy as fuck.

I will be writing, personally to Mr Coleman and his cronies,as I'm fucking tamping at the whole scenario.

Ronaldo and his lot can fuck off as well,as they've asked if they can borrow it.

Yours begrudgingly,

Devastated Dave.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Dear Uncle Roy,

I can't believe them cheeky fucking footballers nicked my open top bus!!!!

The sly fuckers didn't even offer me to drive,just coz I wanted cash in hand,in order to buy a dodgy PCV licence off Saucy.She's dodgy as fuck.

I will be writing, personally to Mr Coleman and his cronies,as I'm fucking tamping at the whole scenario.

Ronaldo and his lot can fuck off as well,as they've asked if they can borrow it.

Yours begrudgingly,

Devastated Dave. "

What a bunch of bastards Dave. Utter cunts the lot of them

Can borrow my Astra if that's any use to you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Dear Uncle Roy,

I can't believe them cheeky fucking footballers nicked my open top bus!!!!

The sly fuckers didn't even offer me to drive,just coz I wanted cash in hand,in order to buy a dodgy PCV licence off Saucy.She's dodgy as fuck.

I will be writing, personally to Mr Coleman and his cronies,as I'm fucking tamping at the whole scenario.

Ronaldo and his lot can fuck off as well,as they've asked if they can borrow it.

Yours begrudgingly,

Devastated Dave.

What a bunch of bastards Dave. Utter cunts the lot of them

Can borrow my Astra if that's any use to you

Cheers P. If memory serves me right it's an estate isn't it???

It so then the next question is does it have a sunroof???

You know what trading standards are like,they'll do me for false advertising, twats. Open top must be open top!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Dear Uncle Roy,

I can't believe them cheeky fucking footballers nicked my open top bus!!!!

The sly fuckers didn't even offer me to drive,just coz I wanted cash in hand,in order to buy a dodgy PCV licence off Saucy.She's dodgy as fuck.

I will be writing, personally to Mr Coleman and his cronies,as I'm fucking tamping at the whole scenario.

Ronaldo and his lot can fuck off as well,as they've asked if they can borrow it.

Yours begrudgingly,

Devastated Dave.

What a bunch of bastards Dave. Utter cunts the lot of them

Can borrow my Astra if that's any use to you

Cheers P. If memory serves me right it's an estate isn't it???

It so then the next question is does it have a sunroof???

You know what trading standards are like,they'll do me for false advertising, twats. Open top must be open top!!!!"

Sorry Dave, no sunroof. They can sit on the roof if that's any use??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear unky Roy,

I must confess that I think I might have a very serious problem only you can help me with. Every time I touch my frankfurter it feels a little strange, it was eight inches last week then when I touched it today I seem to have lost an inch or two in length, girth seems to be as normal. I followed the instructions and keep in in a warm place,besides I don't like it when it becomes cold.

Please help I keep looking at the hot list to distract me from my woes

Yours Sincerely prof "The Jedi"

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By *oyAndHayleyCropperCouple
over a year ago

Skewen

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By *oby le roneMan
over a year ago

Treorchy

Where's uncle Roy ?

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By *oyAndHayleyCropperCouple
over a year ago

Skewen

"Where's uncle Roy ? "

He’s here dear. Fear not! Always lurking for issues. Always on hand. Also always looking for somebody a bit more substantial than our Hayley if you know anybody

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear Uncle Roy,

I've been given some of those lovely Prep tablets to stop me getting that horrible HMV.

Any suggestions on how I can stop them falling out of my arse?

Thank you in advance.

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By *oby le roneMan
over a year ago

Treorchy

"Dear Uncle Roy,

I've been given some of those lovely Prep tablets to stop me getting that horrible HMV.

Any suggestions on how I can stop them falling out of my arse?

Thank you in advance."

I never liked HMV to be honest. Always preferred Virgin for my CD'S. I do suspect were talking about two different things though

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By *oyAndHayleyCropperCouple
over a year ago

Skewen

"Dear Uncle Roy,

I've been given some of those lovely Prep tablets to stop me getting that horrible HMV.

Any suggestions on how I can stop them falling out of my arse?

Thank you in advance."

My only advice would be go about your day with a bigger aubergine plugged up your bum. That way they won’t fall out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Dear Uncle Roy

I fucked a bloke from Port Talbot last night

Will I die??

Fucking hell

Those were the days

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By *oby le roneMan
over a year ago

Treorchy

"Dear Uncle Roy

I fucked a bloke from Port Talbot last night

Will I die??

Fucking hell

Those were the days

Tart

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Dear Uncle Roy

I fucked a bloke from Port Talbot last night

Will I die??

Fucking hell

Those were the days

Tart

Pot, Kettle, Black

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By *oby le roneMan
over a year ago

Treorchy

"Dear Uncle Roy

I fucked a bloke from Port Talbot last night

Will I die??

Fucking hell

Those were the days

Tart

Pot, Kettle, Black"

Fucking right

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Best thread ever even though it is years old.... entertaining reading for insomniacs

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By *nnaMollyWoman
over a year ago

Wonderland

"Best thread ever even though it is years old.... entertaining reading for insomniacs

Agreed, I wish I was around in the Uncle Roy days. Thank you for commenting so I could find this post haha x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 15/03/23 10:35:20]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Best thread ever even though it is years old.... entertaining reading for insomniacs

Agreed, I wish I was around in the Uncle Roy days. Thank you for commenting so I could find this post haha x"

Likewise, hilarious read

cheers Miss P! Xx

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