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"Maybe the disappointment is down to expectation...it depends what these things are supposed to achieve I guess? Allowing old friends to catch up or welcoming new people? I know I wasn't the only one who felt this way, another couple I spoke to said the same. Trying to be constructive rather than moan...and yes I get the point about being a single male but still in my opinion way more daunting walking in as a single fem..." Awww if i had gone i would have chatted to you i talk to everybody lol maybe try the singles socials like mamma has said some of the nicest friendliest people I've ever known i have met though this site let mamma and snow take you under their wing they are very well established single fems here who can introduce you to most people | |||
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"Sorry you felt that way. Thing is a lot of people that go to the socials have established friendships and groups that they feel comfortable in, not necessarily cliques as you put it. If you think it's difficult for a single female imagine what's it like for a single male. " Why the negativity about the"clique" you just described what one is & it's a social norm X | |||
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"We popped in but not knowing anyone, we had a drink, sat chatting for a while and left . We didn't really talk to many people but I think that was down to us being abit nervous and reserved as hadn't been to a social before. Actually a guy at the bar looked at us and said "ahh first timers, I can tell" lol ....Felt like one of those things you go to a few times and will feel comfortable to chat and mingle. Sx " We were getting there as you were leaving #gutted. Hope to see you both at the next one. | |||
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"I couldn't not post about this....not one to be overly negative but was probably one of the most uncomfotable experiences i've had and SO far from my idea of 'social' Extrememly clicky and apart from a select few couples and singles (all of whom were lovely) who i approached and began speaking to myself nobody made any effort to come and talk to me. Disappointing and hardly worth the time and effort as a single female of psyching yourself up to walk in to a room of strangers....I doubt I'll ever go to one again...." Would have loved to have chatted. Don't be put off. Hopefully next time we can have chat / drink and maybe even a dance. | |||
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"I think i would have been ignored too if i hadn't gone up to people to chat x Thanks for your replies though x" Well I'm glad we had the chance to meet you & get chatting, your always welcome to join us for socials or chams so your not alone, don't let last night put you off as it can be the same for singles & couples attending socials, my nerves have got better with time & getting to no people... Hopefully see you soon !! Xxx | |||
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"Sorry you felt that way. Thing is a lot of people that go to the socials have established friendships and groups that they feel comfortable in, not necessarily cliques as you put it. If you think it's difficult for a single female imagine what's it like for a single male. Why the negativity about the"clique" you just described what one is & it's a social norm X" Of course they can be percieved as being negative if you feel excluded from groups. My original point was, perhaps these events are great for existing established swingers and groups to catch up, not so great for newbies, especially singles. It is all fine if that is what it is meant to be, I just guess my expectation was to feel more welcome generally which I didn't so felt like feeding that back. Maybe an answer to all of this is to have a seperate social for newbies where the aim is to welcome and include everyone new in to existing circles. I was in Cardiff anyway so hadn't travelled but if I had I would have felt like it was a wasted journey x | |||
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"We popped in but not knowing anyone, we had a drink, sat chatting for a while and left . We didn't really talk to many people but I think that was down to us being abit nervous and reserved as hadn't been to a social before. Actually a guy at the bar looked at us and said "ahh first timers, I can tell" lol ....Felt like one of those things you go to a few times and will feel comfortable to chat and mingle. Sx We were getting there as you were leaving #gutted. Hope to see you both at the next one. " Ahhh did we cross you in the stairs lol !! We stayed about 45 mins I guess, but it was really busy and we felt abit awkward, had a giggle in the toilet queue however x | |||
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"Sorry you felt that way. Thing is a lot of people that go to the socials have established friendships and groups that they feel comfortable in, not necessarily cliques as you put it. If you think it's difficult for a single female imagine what's it like for a single male. Why the negativity about the"clique" you just described what one is & it's a social norm X Of course they can be percieved as being negative if you feel excluded from groups. My original point was, perhaps these events are great for existing established swingers and groups to catch up, not so great for newbies, especially singles. It is all fine if that is what it is meant to be, I just guess my expectation was to feel more welcome generally which I didn't so felt like feeding that back. Maybe an answer to all of this is to have a seperate social for newbies where the aim is to welcome and include everyone new in to existing circles. I was in Cardiff anyway so hadn't travelled but if I had I would have felt like it was a wasted journey x" The singles social is for just that so that one maybe a good one to try. The more established members are there to welcome newer members x | |||
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"Sorry you felt that way. Thing is a lot of people that go to the socials have established friendships and groups that they feel comfortable in, not necessarily cliques as you put it. If you think it's difficult for a single female imagine what's it like for a single male. Why the negativity about the"clique" you just described what one is & it's a social norm X Of course they can be percieved as being negative if you feel excluded from groups. My original point was, perhaps these events are great for existing established swingers and groups to catch up, not so great for newbies, especially singles. It is all fine if that is what it is meant to be, I just guess my expectation was to feel more welcome generally which I didn't so felt like feeding that back. Maybe an answer to all of this is to have a seperate social for newbies where the aim is to welcome and include everyone new in to existing circles. I was in Cardiff anyway so hadn't travelled but if I had I would have felt like it was a wasted journey x The singles social is for just that so that one maybe a good one to try. The more established members are there to welcome newer members x" me makes all welcome lol | |||
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"Everyone feels this way in a new environment And we've all been there done it got to T-shirt so to speak But the more socials you attend the more you get to know everyone It's taken me close on two yrs so if you want it to work it's like everything you only get outta something what you put in Just keep going then people will get to know you Everyone has a first for every? Xx everything!!!" yep never met any 1 socialy b4 me 1st social lol you get what u put into it then again im very 4ward few years now and met most hehe pmsl | |||
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"Perhaps you should try a daytime socail much more relax no music to shout over and smaller crowd of people as I do find them much easier to talk to people and get to know new people also " I'd happily try everything if I was around more x | |||
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"Perhaps you should try a daytime socail much more relax no music to shout over and smaller crowd of people as I do find them much easier to talk to people and get to know new people also I'd happily try everything if I was around more x" I missed you there last night I would have been happy to chat to you | |||
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"Sorry you felt that way. Thing is a lot of people that go to the socials have established friendships and groups that they feel comfortable in, not necessarily cliques as you put it. If you think it's difficult for a single female imagine what's it like for a single male. Why the negativity about the"clique" you just described what one is & it's a social norm X Of course they can be percieved as being negative if you feel excluded from groups. My original point was, perhaps these events are great for existing established swingers and groups to catch up, not so great for newbies, especially singles. It is all fine if that is what it is meant to be, I just guess my expectation was to feel more welcome generally which I didn't so felt like feeding that back. Maybe an answer to all of this is to have a seperate social for newbies where the aim is to welcome and include everyone new in to existing circles. I was in Cardiff anyway so hadn't travelled but if I had I would have felt like it was a wasted journey x" My comment wasn't aimed at you I'm sorry, it was aimed at the the comment I quoted, so so much effort is put into denying cliques when in fact they are a normal part of social life. If people stopped being do defensive, accepted their existence they could then move toward looking at ways to assist people to integrate more easily. X | |||
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"Sorry you felt that way. Thing is a lot of people that go to the socials have established friendships and groups that they feel comfortable in, not necessarily cliques as you put it. If you think it's difficult for a single female imagine what's it like for a single male. Why the negativity about the"clique" you just described what one is & it's a social norm X Of course they can be percieved as being negative if you feel excluded from groups. My original point was, perhaps these events are great for existing established swingers and groups to catch up, not so great for newbies, especially singles. It is all fine if that is what it is meant to be, I just guess my expectation was to feel more welcome generally which I didn't so felt like feeding that back. Maybe an answer to all of this is to have a seperate social for newbies where the aim is to welcome and include everyone new in to existing circles. I was in Cardiff anyway so hadn't travelled but if I had I would have felt like it was a wasted journey x My comment wasn't aimed at you I'm sorry, it was aimed at the the comment I quoted, so so much effort is put into denying cliques when in fact they are a normal part of social life. If people stopped being do defensive, accepted their existence they could then move toward looking at ways to assist people to integrate more easily. X" | |||
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"Sorry you felt that way. Thing is a lot of people that go to the socials have established friendships and groups that they feel comfortable in, not necessarily cliques as you put it. If you think it's difficult for a single female imagine what's it like for a single male. Why the negativity about the"clique" you just described what one is & it's a social norm X Of course they can be percieved as being negative if you feel excluded from groups. My original point was, perhaps these events are great for existing established swingers and groups to catch up, not so great for newbies, especially singles. It is all fine if that is what it is meant to be, I just guess my expectation was to feel more welcome generally which I didn't so felt like feeding that back. Maybe an answer to all of this is to have a seperate social for newbies where the aim is to welcome and include everyone new in to existing circles. I was in Cardiff anyway so hadn't travelled but if I had I would have felt like it was a wasted journey x My comment wasn't aimed at you I'm sorry, it was aimed at the the comment I quoted, so so much effort is put into denying cliques when in fact they are a normal part of social life. If people stopped being do defensive, accepted their existence they could then move toward looking at ways to assist people to integrate more easily. X" Definitely! Some of you may be surprised how many private messages I have had off people in support of this post. It seems many many people are affected by this 'social norm'. I've even had messages off people too scared to say what I have about cliques for fear of being attacked in the forum. Obviously I can see that it is perfectly normal for old friends to catch up but I still think maybe there is a better way to also intograte newbie couples and singles into the environment? Just an observation... We are a large group of people from all walks of life and all backgrounds, we are bound to all find the same experience very different. Getting absolutely steaming d*unk isn't my thing either but I could see last night that it was for many and hats off to them!! I think it is good for somebody to be able to comfortably say how they feel without being labelled or attacked (it is a forum after all?) I'm actually pretty glad I did comment now because even if the socials don't change I'm now chatting to way more people than I met last night hahaha | |||
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"Sorry you felt that way. Thing is a lot of people that go to the socials have established friendships and groups that they feel comfortable in, not necessarily cliques as you put it. If you think it's difficult for a single female imagine what's it like for a single male. Why the negativity about the"clique" you just described what one is & it's a social norm X Of course they can be percieved as being negative if you feel excluded from groups. My original point was, perhaps these events are great for existing established swingers and groups to catch up, not so great for newbies, especially singles. It is all fine if that is what it is meant to be, I just guess my expectation was to feel more welcome generally which I didn't so felt like feeding that back. Maybe an answer to all of this is to have a seperate social for newbies where the aim is to welcome and include everyone new in to existing circles. I was in Cardiff anyway so hadn't travelled but if I had I would have felt like it was a wasted journey x My comment wasn't aimed at you I'm sorry, it was aimed at the the comment I quoted, so so much effort is put into denying cliques when in fact they are a normal part of social life. If people stopped being do defensive, accepted their existence they could then move toward looking at ways to assist people to integrate more easily. X Definitely! Some of you may be surprised how many private messages I have had off people in support of this post. It seems many many people are affected by this 'social norm'. I've even had messages off people too scared to say what I have about cliques for fear of being attacked in the forum. Obviously I can see that it is perfectly normal for old friends to catch up but I still think maybe there is a better way to also intograte newbie couples and singles into the environment? Just an observation... We are a large group of people from all walks of life and all backgrounds, we are bound to all find the same experience very different. Getting absolutely steaming d*unk isn't my thing either but I could see last night that it was for many and hats off to them!! I think it is good for somebody to be able to comfortably say how they feel without being labelled or attacked (it is a forum after all?) I'm actually pretty glad I did comment now because even if the socials don't change I'm now chatting to way more people than I met last night hahaha " | |||
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"Sorry you felt that way. Thing is a lot of people that go to the socials have established friendships and groups that they feel comfortable in, not necessarily cliques as you put it. If you think it's difficult for a single female imagine what's it like for a single male. Why the negativity about the"clique" you just described what one is & it's a social norm X Of course they can be percieved as being negative if you feel excluded from groups. My original point was, perhaps these events are great for existing established swingers and groups to catch up, not so great for newbies, especially singles. It is all fine if that is what it is meant to be, I just guess my expectation was to feel more welcome generally which I didn't so felt like feeding that back. Maybe an answer to all of this is to have a seperate social for newbies where the aim is to welcome and include everyone new in to existing circles. I was in Cardiff anyway so hadn't travelled but if I had I would have felt like it was a wasted journey x My comment wasn't aimed at you I'm sorry, it was aimed at the the comment I quoted, so so much effort is put into denying cliques when in fact they are a normal part of social life. If people stopped being do defensive, accepted their existence they could then move toward looking at ways to assist people to integrate more easily. X Definitely! Some of you may be surprised how many private messages I have had off people in support of this post. It seems many many people are affected by this 'social norm'. I've even had messages off people too scared to say what I have about cliques for fear of being attacked in the forum. Obviously I can see that it is perfectly normal for old friends to catch up but I still think maybe there is a better way to also intograte newbie couples and singles into the environment? Just an observation... We are a large group of people from all walks of life and all backgrounds, we are bound to all find the same experience very different. Getting absolutely steaming d*unk isn't my thing either but I could see last night that it was for many and hats off to them!! I think it is good for somebody to be able to comfortably say how they feel without being labelled or attacked (it is a forum after all?) I'm actually pretty glad I did comment now because even if the socials don't change I'm now chatting to way more people than I met last night hahaha " It had its good points after so that's a great thing. I've found I've got more friends by chatting in the Welsh and the lounge forum | |||
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"Re: Cliques Beware of the 'Wanna be in my gang?' lot Hope it doesn't put you off future socials as they can be brill fun. " Hey stop quoting Gary Glitter songs mun | |||
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"In my view it's the role of the hosts to know who's new to the social scene & they should make the effort to introduce any newbies to people. Some socials are very good at doing this, some aren't it's all down to who's running it & their priorities. It's a shame you had this experience, as a single female who attends a few socials they are an important part of the scene for me, I find it's the pre social links you make that determine the success, meeting beforehand & having that mental hand to hold. Hope the next one is a better experience for you X" also for the host to actually meet you at the door and introduce them selves to you as well and thank you for coming to support the event. And are on hand to help and sort things out if there is a problem that arises. | |||
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"Sorry you felt that way. Thing is a lot of people that go to the socials have established friendships and groups that they feel comfortable in, not necessarily cliques as you put it. If you think it's difficult for a single female imagine what's it like for a single male. Why the negativity about the"clique" you just described what one is & it's a social norm X Of course they can be percieved as being negative if you feel excluded from groups. My original point was, perhaps these events are great for existing established swingers and groups to catch up, not so great for newbies, especially singles. It is all fine if that is what it is meant to be, I just guess my expectation was to feel more welcome generally which I didn't so felt like feeding that back. Maybe an answer to all of this is to have a seperate social for newbies where the aim is to welcome and include everyone new in to existing circles. I was in Cardiff anyway so hadn't travelled but if I had I would have felt like it was a wasted journey x My comment wasn't aimed at you I'm sorry, it was aimed at the the comment I quoted, so so much effort is put into denying cliques when in fact they are a normal part of social life. If people stopped being do defensive, accepted their existence they could then move toward looking at ways to assist people to integrate more easily. X Definitely! Some of you may be surprised how many private messages I have had off people in support of this post. It seems many many people are affected by this 'social norm'. I've even had messages off people too scared to say what I have about cliques for fear of being attacked in the forum. Obviously I can see that it is perfectly normal for old friends to catch up but I still think maybe there is a better way to also intograte newbie couples and singles into the environment? Just an observation... We are a large group of people from all walks of life and all backgrounds, we are bound to all find the same experience very different. Getting absolutely steaming d*unk isn't my thing either but I could see last night that it was for many and hats off to them!! I think it is good for somebody to be able to comfortably say how they feel without being labelled or attacked (it is a forum after all?) I'm actually pretty glad I did comment now because even if the socials don't change I'm now chatting to way more people than I met last night hahaha " I totally get this aswell after my Forum bit last week. If there's another & we are Both free I'd join you xx | |||
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"PFC did invite me to the pre social but I am a mum and also run my own business so was pretty tied yesterday aft and made it clear that I couldn't get there until later on. He has since apologised for me feeling like I did last night which was much appreciated. I think all the points and suggestions above are good ones! The social was a very last minute decision for me so i'd had no time to make any connections pre event. My points were only ever meant to be constructive comments and shouldn't be taken personally by anyone, I only want the same as the organisers and hosts, for the event to be successful and enjoyed by all xx" Really hope you give the socials another try tho as they are great fun. I've been lucky to make some bloody awesome friends through them. You've done the biggest hurdle you went to your first one alone that takes balls. So next time won't be so scary. Plenty of us will make you welcome if you want to join us. | |||
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"PFC did invite me to the pre social but I am a mum and also run my own business so was pretty tied yesterday aft and made it clear that I couldn't get there until later on. He has since apologised for me feeling like I did last night which was much appreciated. I think all the points and suggestions above are good ones! The social was a very last minute decision for me so i'd had no time to make any connections pre event. My points were only ever meant to be constructive comments and shouldn't be taken personally by anyone, I only want the same as the organisers and hosts, for the event to be successful and enjoyed by all xx Really hope you give the socials another try tho as they are great fun. I've been lucky to make some bloody awesome friends through them. You've done the biggest hurdle you went to your first one alone that takes balls. So next time won't be so scary. Plenty of us will make you welcome if you want to join us. " I'm sure I will, thanks for being supportive xx | |||
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"PFC did invite me to the pre social but I am a mum and also run my own business so was pretty tied yesterday aft and made it clear that I couldn't get there until later on. He has since apologised for me feeling like I did last night which was much appreciated. I think all the points and suggestions above are good ones! The social was a very last minute decision for me so i'd had no time to make any connections pre event. My points were only ever meant to be constructive comments and shouldn't be taken personally by anyone, I only want the same as the organisers and hosts, for the event to be successful and enjoyed by all xx Really hope you give the socials another try tho as they are great fun. I've been lucky to make some bloody awesome friends through them. You've done the biggest hurdle you went to your first one alone that takes balls. So next time won't be so scary. Plenty of us will make you welcome if you want to join us. I'm sure I will, thanks for being supportive xx" Not a problem we were all new to this at point or another. Xx | |||
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"Looking for fun in Cardiff today " Be better off putting up a meet. | |||
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"I knew hardly any one and made loads of Freinds just got to say hi and smile and go from there " You knew me lol x | |||
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"Good morning I have just had a view of your profile and obviously your fabulous pictures and in conclusion I would say that they were frightened of the competition. Casanova " | |||
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"Good morning I have just had a view of your profile and obviously your fabulous pictures and in conclusion I would say that they were frightened of the competition. Casanova " Wrong thread I think butt | |||
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"It is difficult for sure.......we have been to three socials now and still feel a bit awkward. We went to a lovely private party in Cardiff but even then it is difficult when you are in the company of couples who are already friends. Also because we love to dress, especially Mrs S (Mr S comes from the fetish scene but can't wear full rubber at a swing do LOL), so maybe some are a bit wary of us? But there are great people who understand how socially intimidating it can be and make a real effort to introduce you into the wider group/clique. It's like anything in life, some people are more empathetic than others, indeed we have experienced some bitchiness due to the dressing, but we love socialising and will continue to attend socials and get to know all the lovely people in the scene. C & R x" I have to say you looked gorgeous at the Newport social | |||
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"It is difficult for sure.......we have been to three socials now and still feel a bit awkward. We went to a lovely private party in Cardiff but even then it is difficult when you are in the company of couples who are already friends. Also because we love to dress, especially Mrs S (Mr S comes from the fetish scene but can't wear full rubber at a swing do LOL), so maybe some are a bit wary of us? But there are great people who understand how socially intimidating it can be and make a real effort to introduce you into the wider group/clique. It's like anything in life, some people are more empathetic than others, indeed we have experienced some bitchiness due to the dressing, but we love socialising and will continue to attend socials and get to know all the lovely people in the scene. C & R x I have to say you looked gorgeous at the Newport social " Thank you that is lovely of you to say x | |||
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"Maybe the disappointment is down to expectation...it depends what these things are supposed to achieve I guess? Allowing old friends to catch up or welcoming new people? I know I wasn't the only one who felt this way, another couple I spoke to said the same. Trying to be constructive rather than moan...and yes I get the point about being a single male but still in my opinion way more daunting walking in as a single fem..." I ll happily have walked in with you sexy | |||
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"Hi sorry sorry to hear that you didn't have a very good experience. Sometimes it can seem that people are cliquey but many of the people who attend have been friends for years and stand and chat. They don't mean to exclude anyone as the lifestyle is about making friends and being sociable. There is a singles social which isn't as busy in a smaller venue where it is possibly easier to chat to everyone. Message me if you want more information or want to chat further x" Well put Ma | |||
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