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Domestic Violence

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

A a fairly new work friend of mine came to work this morning having been physically assaulted by her partner last night. All the bruises, marks etc were on her chest and other places that would usually be covered by clothing. He has been arrested. She says she has put up with this, along with mental/emotional/financial abuse for 18 months but last night was the first time she thought "enough". It really upset me. I had always thought she seemed quitish in work sometimes but never suspected anything like that as I haven't known her that long. I know there are many people out there who suffer in silence and just hope that one day they can find the courage to say "enough is enough" and break free from the abuse. Not really a particular point to my post I know but just wanted to get it off my chest

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

it is a terrible thing spousal abuse so many females and even some males wont tell anyone they feel ashamed lets hope yr work colleague will be okay now xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People who beat their girlfriends, wives, partners etc are scum. Hanging is too good for them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A a fairly new work friend of mine came to work this morning having been physically assaulted by her partner last night. All the bruises, marks etc were on her chest and other places that would usually be covered by clothing. He has been arrested. She says she has put up with this, along with mental/emotional/financial abuse for 18 months but last night was the first time she thought "enough". It really upset me. I had always thought she seemed quitish in work sometimes but never suspected anything like that as I haven't known her that long. I know there are many people out there who suffer in silence and just hope that one day they can find the courage to say "enough is enough" and break free from the abuse. Not really a particular point to my post I know but just wanted to get it off my chest "

There will be a time when you actually say enough is enough.

I put up with it for 3 years and one morning just woke up and said I can't do this even more for my kids sake.

I've been split from him for nearly 4 years now and I've never looked back.

Even had a child with him thinking he would stop hitting me and stop drinking.

How stupid was i.

But I don't regret the choices I made I'm just glad I walked away while I still could.

He even battered me when I was 8 months pregnant but me being me still took him back.

If anyone tells me or was to tell me they loved me u wouldn't believe a word of it as he use to say it.

Tell her to be strong

She's taken the first steps and just be there as a friend when you can as she will need you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nothing worse than a bully. People feel cornered and have nowhere to turn. I'd love to deal with these people on a daily basis,but without any legalities holding back the appropriate punishment deserved.

The young lady in question needs a big pat on the back for standing up to what I can only describe as a Wank stain.

These situations make me so angry.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

She said he had taken all her cards and driving license and everything off her so she had to ask any time she wanted anything

Vile vile man

If he hadn't have been locked up in Swansea central I could have quite gladly gone have smashed the pricks teeth out

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"She said he had taken all her cards and driving license and everything off her so she had to ask any time she wanted anything

Vile vile man

If he hadn't have been locked up in Swansea central I could have quite gladly gone have smashed the pricks teeth out"

I'll join you if you go!

Men who mentally or physically abuse women need a taste of their own medicine.

Fucking pansies!

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By *urvacious_40Woman
over a year ago

Pontypool, South Wales, UK

Dnt even get me started on this subject cos i won't stop

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mental abuse scares for life......Not nice.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Mental abuse scares for life......Not nice. "
Scar's*

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You can recover from the physical abuse but,as the lovely forumite previously said,the mental stuff scars for life and,even after many years it will get to you when you least expect it.

They will never change for most women. I donate to a women's charity when I can. If not for a women's refuge back in the late 70's I would probably be dead now because domestic abuse wasn't taken seriously then.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

men who physically intimidate women, and are violent, are not proper men, just bullies who would,t dream of treating another man like it for fear of getting hurt. cowards basically and worth avoiding like the plague the first time it happens

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Mental abuse scares for life......Not nice. Scar's*"

Your right there

And I can't seem to let anyone really close any more.

I seem to hide alot of things.

Maybe one day things will change

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Mental abuse scares for life......Not nice. Scar's*

Your right there

And I can't seem to let anyone really close any more.

I seem to hide alot of things.

Maybe one day things will change"

It will change. But there will always be doubt in the back of your mind and a lot of what ifs. One of my ex.partners was mentally verbally and emotionally abusive. He came close to physically by having a knife to my throat the night before going away on holidays. Petrified slept in spare room he came in got in bed with me and when I rejected him he had a go at me for being cold.... he kicked my car door in locked me out of house. Finished our relationship because I went out without his permission. 9 years before I woke up and smelt the coffee x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Mental abuse scares for life......Not nice. Scar's*

Your right there

And I can't seem to let anyone really close any more.

I seem to hide alot of things.

Maybe one day things will change"

It will change. But there will always be doubt in the back of your mind and a lot of what ifs. One of my ex.partners was mentally verbally and emotionally abusive. He came close to physically by having a knife to my throat the night before going away on holidays. Petrified slept in spare room he came in got in bed with me and when I rejected him he had a go at me for being cold.... he kicked my car door in locked me out of house. Finished our relationship because I went out without his permission. 9 years before I woke up and smelt the coffee x

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By *ldo6999Man
over a year ago

larkhall

I suffered for years at the hands of my ex wife.took a lot to leave my little girl behind.if i hadnt i wouldnt be here today.take my hat off to that lady.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Seen enough of it growing up to know that I'd never put up with it. Hope your friend is okay, good that she's got a good support network in you x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If he hadn't have been locked up in Swansea central I could have quite gladly gone have smashed the pricks teeth out"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The thing is statistics show during the rugby domestic violence is at its highest

Men who do it are nothing but horrid bullies who only feel good when they are hurting others mentally financially or physically

Mental and verbal abuse is the worst kind

The bruises and cuts heel

The memories and mental scars live on for a long time after

And a lot of time women say nothing and just put up with it thinking maybe they can do things better or he is sorry and won't do it again

Grrr rant over

Hope she's ok x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been single for 6yrs

For this very reason and hide it for 5 yrs while I was with my abuser

It was mentally physically and verbal

It makes you a different person I went into myself avoiding my family friends and anyone I thought may find out

I was embarrassed to admit I was being abused

Until one night I just snapped and retaliated

Back

Within weeks I'd finally plucked up the courage to leave

And it was a long road to getting where I am today

But I can say I find it very difficult to trust

But I'm a very happy person now thankfully

And would never ever put up with any sort of abuse again

I do hope your friend / work colleague will find the strength to keep away

And get help missP xxxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's amazing to find out some of the women we think are the hardest or strongest women ever were once victims

Now we are strong independent women who would never allow any man to make us feel that weak or scared again

There will be some that read this that are still living with it at the minute but the day will come when you say fuck this I'm worth more

And just walk away from it all xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I lived with mental abuse for over 10 years and the odd beating...in his words "it's not like it's regular ffs don't be so pathetic" he never once apologised as it was always my fault of course.

Eventually I woke up to it all and left, it took me 5 years but I've finally rebuilt my life and regained a little confidence.

Nectar

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I too, was subjected to emotional abuse in a year long relationship with a narcissistic sociopath. I think any kind of abuse is terrible. It's good to see the women and men who come out of incidents like these much stronger and are no longer victims to their circumstances

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Hat's off to all you strong brave ladies (and guys)

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By *abes in the woodWoman
over a year ago

wales

Came out 2 different relationshio where first vilent abuse which he took knife to my head second one emotionally verbal abuse me and control still try now but people say easy leave but not when they been in one men bully so can women be I getting stronger each day but still have scars but they heal buy emotional mentel abuse stay good luck to women found strength to leave

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have been with tony for nearly 11 I was only 19 but for only 19 I had been through so much with ex's and even now after all this time I still cant open up about things and go into my shell a lot it drives tony mad sometimes but I cant bring myself to open up and have always put myself up and called myself ugly and fat because that is what I used to get on a daily basis. hope you friend will be ok xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sadly it's more common than people think, only 23% of domestic abuse gets reported according to the police. Women wait at least 35 times on average before reporting it.

sadly every 3 days a women dies because of it and a man dies every 21 days because of it. It's not rugby is the reason domestic abuse does increase with all sporting events. The most shocking statistic for us as parents is 40% of teenagers in Wales are in an abusive relationship,so please everyone be aware xx

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By *abes in the woodWoman
over a year ago

wales

hun does get better talk to him does help you look great hun was same put myself down got my confidence back after beening on here but will get better in time sometime i do put myself down but it get easier hun

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's the very thing I do

When someone pays a compliment I automatically say

Shut up I'm not!!

To whatever nice things they say

Because you can remember every horrible word those abusers have said to you

Was told I'd never get anyone as i was to fat

And in time you start believing them it's so sad what happens one day you think there the love of your life only to find out your

There not

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been on the other side where I was being abused mentally

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hey we aren't victims

We are survivors

And be proud of that big hug xx

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By *RWYNMan
over a year ago

Blaenau Gwent

Real men don't hit a woman, they are bullies and coward's the men that do.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Real men don't hit a woman, they are bullies and coward's the men that do."

Decent people of any gender, don't physically or emotionally hurt anyone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Real men don't hit a woman, they are bullies and coward's the men that do.

Decent people of any gender, don't physically or emotionally hurt anyone. "

people of both sexes are abused let's not forget this

Just men report it even less then what women do

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Hey we aren't victims

We are survivors

And be proud of that big hug xx"

XXX

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Hey we aren't victims

We are survivors

And be proud of that big hug xx

XXX "

Hugs xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sometimes you're brought up by abusers so attract them, which is shit. But mostly you get conned by them because they're always nice when you first meet them, then they start being sneaky about abusing you, then it becomes more obvious but they've usually fucked your head up by then and you stop thinking straight and might have abusers 'fog' where you don't really acknowledge the abuse. But yeah it will get to a stage where you want to get out and i'm so glad this country helps with that, from not having stigma from being a single person or divorcing to giving help financially and a place to stay.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Sometimes you're brought up by abusers so attract them, which is shit. But mostly you get conned by them because they're always nice when you first meet them, then they start being sneaky about abusing you, then it becomes more obvious but they've usually fucked your head up by then and you stop thinking straight and might have abusers 'fog' where you don't really acknowledge the abuse. But yeah it will get to a stage where you want to get out and i'm so glad this country helps with that, from not having stigma from being a single person or divorcing to giving help financially and a place to stay."

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By *heep2405Man
over a year ago

Newport

It's not just the women who get abused,I was mentally abused for the last three out of five years in my last relationship and on more than one occasion physically abused by her sons. I was blind up until the end.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It's not just the women who get abused,I was mentally abused for the last three out of five years in my last relationship and on more than one occasion physically abused by her sons. I was blind up until the end. "

True, and a lot of guys don't care to admit this because our society is so fucked up, it used to be fucked up for abused women too if that's any consolation.

It's sad people like abusers exist but it's never the abused fault, always remember that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It's not just the women who get abused,I was mentally abused for the last three out of five years in my last relationship and on more than one occasion physically abused by her sons. I was blind up until the end.

True, and a lot of guys don't care to admit this because our society is so fucked up, it used to be fucked up for abused women too if that's any consolation.

It's sad people like abusers exist but it's never the abused fault, always remember that. "

My abuse was I wasn't aloud FB which started with deleting of people I've known over 20 yrs then not able to say hello to females in the street or at work and I work with the public

If I had a night out which happened maybe once or twice a year she wouldn't talk to me for days on end and if she did it would only to put me down or telling me I must of cheated while I was out

And the shit went on and on till she made me feel uncomfortable around people especially females even in work

I didn't realise any of this was happening until I had lost most of my friends but slowly on the mend

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It's not just the women who get abused,I was mentally abused for the last three out of five years in my last relationship and on more than one occasion physically abused by her sons. I was blind up until the end.

True, and a lot of guys don't care to admit this because our society is so fucked up, it used to be fucked up for abused women too if that's any consolation.

It's sad people like abusers exist but it's never the abused fault, always remember that.

My abuse was I wasn't aloud FB which started with deleting of people I've known over 20 yrs then not able to say hello to females in the street or at work and I work with the public

If I had a night out which happened maybe once or twice a year she wouldn't talk to me for days on end and if she did it would only to put me down or telling me I must of cheated while I was out

And the shit went on and on till she made me feel uncomfortable around people especially females even in work

I didn't realise any of this was happening until I had lost most of my friends but slowly on the mend "

Yeah all manipulation to make you do what they wantt.

I was the same, didn't realise just how isolated i'd become until after we split up (abuse fog), seen that i'd given up everything i'd enjoyed doing before i met him. I don't even know how to get back to being myself any more. I'm like an angry, wary, version of me. It's crap.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It's not just the women who get abused,I was mentally abused for the last three out of five years in my last relationship and on more than one occasion physically abused by her sons. I was blind up until the end.

True, and a lot of guys don't care to admit this because our society is so fucked up, it used to be fucked up for abused women too if that's any consolation.

It's sad people like abusers exist but it's never the abused fault, always remember that.

My abuse was I wasn't aloud FB which started with deleting of people I've known over 20 yrs then not able to say hello to females in the street or at work and I work with the public

If I had a night out which happened maybe once or twice a year she wouldn't talk to me for days on end and if she did it would only to put me down or telling me I must of cheated while I was out

And the shit went on and on till she made me feel uncomfortable around people especially females even in work

I didn't realise any of this was happening until I had lost most of my friends but slowly on the mend

Yeah all manipulation to make you do what they wantt.

I was the same, didn't realise just how isolated i'd become until after we split up (abuse fog), seen that i'd given up everything i'd enjoyed doing before i met him. I don't even know how to get back to being myself any more. I'm like an angry, wary, version of me. It's crap."

So sad that they want to do this to the person they say they love

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's sad they that seem to have a twisted way of making you feel like it's all your fault

So even thou they may have throw things at you or hit you you still apologise in the end and try and make things better

X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It's sad they that seem to have a twisted way of making you feel like it's all your fault

So even thou they may have throw things at you or hit you you still apologise in the end and try and make things better

X"

Yes I would apologies for talking to ladys in work lol sounds made don't it x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It's sad they that seem to have a twisted way of making you feel like it's all your fault

So even thou they may have throw things at you or hit you you still apologise in the end and try and make things better

X

Yes I would apologies for talking to ladys in work lol sounds made don't it x"

I'd apologise for making him mad lol

It's in the past now

What doesn't kill us only makes us stronger as they say

And it definitely did that x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A a fairly new work friend of mine came to work this morning having been physically assaulted by her partner last night. All the bruises, marks etc were on her chest and other places that would usually be covered by clothing. He has been arrested. She says she has put up with this, along with mental/emotional/financial abuse for 18 months but last night was the first time she thought "enough". It really upset me. I had always thought she seemed quitish in work sometimes but never suspected anything like that as I haven't known her that long. I know there are many people out there who suffer in silence and just hope that one day they can find the courage to say "enough is enough" and break free from the abuse. Not really a particular point to my post I know but just wanted to get it off my chest "

this is somthing that people need to be aware of ..... good on you for this post

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It's not just the women who get abused,I was mentally abused for the last three out of five years in my last relationship and on more than one occasion physically abused by her sons. I was blind up until the end.

True, and a lot of guys don't care to admit this because our society is so fucked up, it used to be fucked up for abused women too if that's any consolation.

It's sad people like abusers exist but it's never the abused fault, always remember that.

My abuse was I wasn't aloud FB which started with deleting of people I've known over 20 yrs then not able to say hello to females in the street or at work and I work with the public

If I had a night out which happened maybe once or twice a year she wouldn't talk to me for days on end and if she did it would only to put me down or telling me I must of cheated while I was out

And the shit went on and on till she made me feel uncomfortable around people especially females even in work

I didn't realise any of this was happening until I had lost most of my friends but slowly on the mend

Yeah all manipulation to make you do what they wantt.

I was the same, didn't realise just how isolated i'd become until after we split up (abuse fog), seen that i'd given up everything i'd enjoyed doing before i met him. I don't even know how to get back to being myself any more. I'm like an angry, wary, version of me. It's crap.

So sad that they want to do this to the person they say they love "

Yeah, i agree. They don't know what love is though. It's just a word that they use to get people to like them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Mental abuse scares for life......Not nice. Scar's*

Your right there

And I can't seem to let anyone really close any more.

I seem to hide alot of things.

Maybe one day things will change"

When the time is right for you and the person has earned your trust you will Let them in until then your doing what's right for you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Mental abuse scares for life......Not nice. Scar's*

Your right there

And I can't seem to let anyone really close any more.

I seem to hide alot of things.

Maybe one day things will change

When the time is right for you and the person has earned your trust you will Let them in until then your doing what's right for you "

Thank you..

Just wish sometimes people would see it like that but they dont

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A a fairly new work friend of mine came to work this morning having been physically assaulted by her partner last night. All the bruises, marks etc were on her chest and other places that would usually be covered by clothing. He has been arrested. She says she has put up with this, along with mental/emotional/financial abuse for 18 months but last night was the first time she thought "enough". It really upset me. I had always thought she seemed quitish in work sometimes but never suspected anything like that as I haven't known her that long. I know there are many people out there who suffer in silence and just hope that one day they can find the courage to say "enough is enough" and break free from the abuse. Not really a particular point to my post I know but just wanted to get it off my chest "

Domestic abuse of any kind is abhorrent. Whether it be the man hitting the woman or vice versa. I myself have been on the receiving end of physical domestic violence. You will always think oh maybe it was a one off of they do still love me theyre just having a bad day. Getting the courage to stand up and say enough is enough is one of the hardest things anyone can do. I do feel for your friend and hope that one day she will look back at it as a life experience and be happy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've sat here reading through all this and it's shocking how many go through it.

I'm going to get this all off my chest as I find it easier to do.

The last 10 years for me has been the worse from coming out of a domestic violence relationship,to having a child who self harm and not knowing wether I would find them dead in the morning when I walked into wake them.

The reason I am saying this is as my way of coping and getting away from day today living I would go out on a Friday night to chams or a party and get that pissed I would black out.

Yeah everyone would say giggles is pissed again" however apart from the few people who actually know me knew why I would be like that.

Considering swinging is suppose to be a close knit community it isn't really.

I have been humiliated on this open forum no end of times,I don't have people talk to me as they talk to someone who don't like me,and now when I actually meet people they say " your not as bad as I thought you would be".

I've been accused of allsorts but again the people who actually know me know different.

When I was going out and getting bladdered my abusers where actually winning and me defending myself they were also winning.

4 months ago i actually woke up and thought u don't need to get hammered to have a good night,

I don't need drink to walk into a room full of people for confidence.i actually seemed help as I knew I couldn't go on like I was and a few friends made me see what I had to do.i will admit when I'm wrong and God I've had to admit it so many times,however if I'm right then I won't apologise.

Since then I don't get hammered,I don't go out as much as I have learnt to deal with things so differently.

Drink was making me a person that I actually wasn't. I would do anything to help and one.

I have found that I am more happier now than what I have been for the last 10 years.

I have actually stood up and I am better than these people.

I had to do what I had to do to come out the other end a much better person

I know I have a long way to go yet however I have started making a change and will continue to do so.

So good luck to anyone or anyone who has been through this as it never goes away but it can get better

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By *3xymamaWoman
over a year ago

Uptown Top Ranking


"I've sat here reading through all this and it's shocking how many go through it.

I'm going to get this all off my chest as I find it easier to do.

The last 10 years for me has been the worse from coming out of a domestic violence relationship,to having a child who self harm and not knowing wether I would find them dead in the morning when I walked into wake them.

The reason I am saying this is as my way of coping and getting away from day today living I would go out on a Friday night to chams or a party and get that pissed I would black out.

Yeah everyone would say giggles is pissed again" however apart from the few people who actually know me knew why I would be like that.

Considering swinging is suppose to be a close knit community it isn't really.

I have been humiliated on this open forum no end of times,I don't have people talk to me as they talk to someone who don't like me,and now when I actually meet people they say " your not as bad as I thought you would be".

I've been accused of allsorts but again the people who actually know me know different.

When I was going out and getting bladdered my abusers where actually winning and me defending myself they were also winning.

4 months ago i actually woke up and thought u don't need to get hammered to have a good night,

I don't need drink to walk into a room full of people for confidence.i actually seemed help as I knew I couldn't go on like I was and a few friends made me see what I had to do.i will admit when I'm wrong and God I've had to admit it so many times,however if I'm right then I won't apologise.

Since then I don't get hammered,I don't go out as much as I have learnt to deal with things so differently.

Drink was making me a person that I actually wasn't. I would do anything to help and one.

I have found that I am more happier now than what I have been for the last 10 years.

I have actually stood up and I am better than these people.

I had to do what I had to do to come out the other end a much better person

I know I have a long way to go yet however I have started making a change and will continue to do so.

So good luck to anyone or anyone who has been through this as it never goes away but it can get better

"

Good on you my girl

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not gonna quote that massive post but it's great you've turned your life around so that you're happier.

Exposing abuse is a good way to protect yourself, and others, from it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've sat here reading through all this and it's shocking how many go through it.

I'm going to get this all off my chest as I find it easier to do.

The last 10 years for me has been the worse from coming out of a domestic violence relationship,to having a child who self harm and not knowing wether I would find them dead in the morning when I walked into wake them.

The reason I am saying this is as my way of coping and getting away from day today living I would go out on a Friday night to chams or a party and get that pissed I would black out.

Yeah everyone would say giggles is pissed again" however apart from the few people who actually know me knew why I would be like that.

Considering swinging is suppose to be a close knit community it isn't really.

I have been humiliated on this open forum no end of times,I don't have people talk to me as they talk to someone who don't like me,and now when I actually meet people they say " your not as bad as I thought you would be".

I've been accused of allsorts but again the people who actually know me know different.

When I was going out and getting bladdered my abusers where actually winning and me defending myself they were also winning.

4 months ago i actually woke up and thought u don't need to get hammered to have a good night,

I don't need drink to walk into a room full of people for confidence.i actually seemed help as I knew I couldn't go on like I was and a few friends made me see what I had to do.i will admit when I'm wrong and God I've had to admit it so many times,however if I'm right then I won't apologise.

Since then I don't get hammered,I don't go out as much as I have learnt to deal with things so differently.

Drink was making me a person that I actually wasn't. I would do anything to help and one.

I have found that I am more happier now than what I have been for the last 10 years.

I have actually stood up and I am better than these people.

I had to do what I had to do to come out the other end a much better person

I know I have a long way to go yet however I have started making a change and will continue to do so.

So good luck to anyone or anyone who has been through this as it never goes away but it can get better

Good on you my girl "

I Said I'd do it mama.

But had to do it for myself

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Not gonna quote that massive post but it's great you've turned your life around so that you're happier.

Exposing abuse is a good way to protect yourself, and others, from it."

It is its a subject that I for one pushed under the carpet.

And hid from my past.

But now I'm ready to go forward and I've learnt alot.

But I had to do it for myself not what people expected me to do.

I can't change the past but I can change what happens from now on.

Strange thing is I don't even drink through the week it was a weekend thing just some where to escape

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Not gonna quote that massive post but it's great you've turned your life around so that you're happier.

Exposing abuse is a good way to protect yourself, and others, from it.

It is its a subject that I for one pushed under the carpet.

And hid from my past.

But now I'm ready to go forward and I've learnt alot.

But I had to do it for myself not what people expected me to do.

I can't change the past but I can change what happens from now on.

Strange thing is I don't even drink through the week it was a weekend thing just some where to escape "

One quote i love is "Ever love someone so much that you'd do anything for them? Well make that someone yourself and do whatever you want." or something like that.

I felt ashamed and kept stuff to myself, but they act like it's your fault you're being abused and get you to think that way. Once you realise it's not you with the problem all that shame goes and you see people for what they really are, abusers with no conscience for your feelings.

I gave up drinking when i had my own kids (while pregnant) but was d*unk 24/7 for about 7 years before then, escaping all the time from the mess i was creating after leaving home. I don't think drinking, or escaping, helps.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've sat here reading through all this and it's shocking how many go through it.

I'm going to get this all off my chest as I find it easier to do.

The last 10 years for me has been the worse from coming out of a domestic violence relationship,to having a child who self harm and not knowing wether I would find them dead in the morning when I walked into wake them.

The reason I am saying this is as my way of coping and getting away from day today living I would go out on a Friday night to chams or a party and get that pissed I would black out.

Yeah everyone would say giggles is pissed again" however apart from the few people who actually know me knew why I would be like that.

Considering swinging is suppose to be a close knit community it isn't really.

I have been humiliated on this open forum no end of times,I don't have people talk to me as they talk to someone who don't like me,and now when I actually meet people they say " your not as bad as I thought you would be".

I've been accused of allsorts but again the people who actually know me know different.

When I was going out and getting bladdered my abusers where actually winning and me defending myself they were also winning.

4 months ago i actually woke up and thought u don't need to get hammered to have a good night,

I don't need drink to walk into a room full of people for confidence.i actually seemed help as I knew I couldn't go on like I was and a few friends made me see what I had to do.i will admit when I'm wrong and God I've had to admit it so many times,however if I'm right then I won't apologise.

Since then I don't get hammered,I don't go out as much as I have learnt to deal with things so differently.

Drink was making me a person that I actually wasn't. I would do anything to help and one.

I have found that I am more happier now than what I have been for the last 10 years.

I have actually stood up and I am better than these people.

I had to do what I had to do to come out the other end a much better person

I know I have a long way to go yet however I have started making a change and will continue to do so.

So good luck to anyone or anyone who has been through this as it never goes away but it can get better

"

Even though we havent spoken im sure everyone will agree were all here for each other one way or another and im sure youve built close friendships with others off this site who will happily sit there and listen. I find a friend with an open mind and who listens helps alot when those dark clouds start to hover above.

Sending u a virtual hug x

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By *heep2405Man
over a year ago

Newport

My issue was that I loved her, invested 60k into a house that I got forcibly removed from and think now it's why I can't function in a vanilla relationship, I hold too much in and can't trust.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've sat here reading through all this and it's shocking how many go through it.

I'm going to get this all off my chest as I find it easier to do.

The last 10 years for me has been the worse from coming out of a domestic violence relationship,to having a child who self harm and not knowing wether I would find them dead in the morning when I walked into wake them.

The reason I am saying this is as my way of coping and getting away from day today living I would go out on a Friday night to chams or a party and get that pissed I would black out.

Yeah everyone would say giggles is pissed again" however apart from the few people who actually know me knew why I would be like that.

Considering swinging is suppose to be a close knit community it isn't really.

I have been humiliated on this open forum no end of times,I don't have people talk to me as they talk to someone who don't like me,and now when I actually meet people they say " your not as bad as I thought you would be".

I've been accused of allsorts but again the people who actually know me know different.

When I was going out and getting bladdered my abusers where actually winning and me defending myself they were also winning.

4 months ago i actually woke up and thought u don't need to get hammered to have a good night,

I don't need drink to walk into a room full of people for confidence.i actually seemed help as I knew I couldn't go on like I was and a few friends made me see what I had to do.i will admit when I'm wrong and God I've had to admit it so many times,however if I'm right then I won't apologise.

Since then I don't get hammered,I don't go out as much as I have learnt to deal with things so differently.

Drink was making me a person that I actually wasn't. I would do anything to help and one.

I have found that I am more happier now than what I have been for the last 10 years.

I have actually stood up and I am better than these people.

I had to do what I had to do to come out the other end a much better person

I know I have a long way to go yet however I have started making a change and will continue to do so.

So good luck to anyone or anyone who has been through this as it never goes away but it can get better

Even though we havent spoken im sure everyone will agree were all here for each other one way or another and im sure youve built close friendships with others off this site who will happily sit there and listen. I find a friend with an open mind and who listens helps alot when those dark clouds start to hover above.

Sending u a virtual hug x"
Thank you.

I think the point of what I was trying to say is that a few not all instead of asking why I'd go out a get as pissed as I would,would publicly humiliated me on a open forum just to make themselves feel better.

I drank like I did to hide everything so people shouldn't judge a book by its cover.

There were reasons why I got like I did.

But I'm so glad I've changed.

I'm still the same person I was but with out the drink.

I'm not saying I won't get pissed again because I will.

The difference is I don't need the drink to make me confident.

Hope that sort of makes sense

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My issue was that I loved her, invested 60k into a house that I got forcibly removed from and think now it's why I can't function in a vanilla relationship, I hold too much in and can't trust. "

That sucks. I don't want a relationship either, coz of the trust thing, but feel this site is making my trust issues worse.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've sat here reading through all this and it's shocking how many go through it.

I'm going to get this all off my chest as I find it easier to do.

The last 10 years for me has been the worse from coming out of a domestic violence relationship,to having a child who self harm and not knowing wether I would find them dead in the morning when I walked into wake them.

The reason I am saying this is as my way of coping and getting away from day today living I would go out on a Friday night to chams or a party and get that pissed I would black out.

Yeah everyone would say giggles is pissed again" however apart from the few people who actually know me knew why I would be like that.

Considering swinging is suppose to be a close knit community it isn't really.

I have been humiliated on this open forum no end of times,I don't have people talk to me as they talk to someone who don't like me,and now when I actually meet people they say " your not as bad as I thought you would be".

I've been accused of allsorts but again the people who actually know me know different.

When I was going out and getting bladdered my abusers where actually winning and me defending myself they were also winning.

4 months ago i actually woke up and thought u don't need to get hammered to have a good night,

I don't need drink to walk into a room full of people for confidence.i actually seemed help as I knew I couldn't go on like I was and a few friends made me see what I had to do.i will admit when I'm wrong and God I've had to admit it so many times,however if I'm right then I won't apologise.

Since then I don't get hammered,I don't go out as much as I have learnt to deal with things so differently.

Drink was making me a person that I actually wasn't. I would do anything to help and one.

I have found that I am more happier now than what I have been for the last 10 years.

I have actually stood up and I am better than these people.

I had to do what I had to do to come out the other end a much better person

I know I have a long way to go yet however I have started making a change and will continue to do so.

So good luck to anyone or anyone who has been through this as it never goes away but it can get better

Good on you my girl "

Hear hear!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My issue was that I loved her, invested 60k into a house that I got forcibly removed from and think now it's why I can't function in a vanilla relationship, I hold too much in and can't trust.

That sucks. I don't want a relationship either, coz of the trust thing, but feel this site is making my trust issues worse."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've sat here reading through all this and it's shocking how many go through it.

I'm going to get this all off my chest as I find it easier to do.

The last 10 years for me has been the worse from coming out of a domestic violence relationship,to having a child who self harm and not knowing wether I would find them dead in the morning when I walked into wake them.

The reason I am saying this is as my way of coping and getting away from day today living I would go out on a Friday night to chams or a party and get that pissed I would black out.

Yeah everyone would say giggles is pissed again" however apart from the few people who actually know me knew why I would be like that.

Considering swinging is suppose to be a close knit community it isn't really.

I have been humiliated on this open forum no end of times,I don't have people talk to me as they talk to someone who don't like me,and now when I actually meet people they say " your not as bad as I thought you would be".

I've been accused of allsorts but again the people who actually know me know different.

When I was going out and getting bladdered my abusers where actually winning and me defending myself they were also winning.

4 months ago i actually woke up and thought u don't need to get hammered to have a good night,

I don't need drink to walk into a room full of people for confidence.i actually seemed help as I knew I couldn't go on like I was and a few friends made me see what I had to do.i will admit when I'm wrong and God I've had to admit it so many times,however if I'm right then I won't apologise.

Since then I don't get hammered,I don't go out as much as I have learnt to deal with things so differently.

Drink was making me a person that I actually wasn't. I would do anything to help and one.

I have found that I am more happier now than what I have been for the last 10 years.

I have actually stood up and I am better than these people.

I had to do what I had to do to come out the other end a much better person

I know I have a long way to go yet however I have started making a change and will continue to do so.

So good luck to anyone or anyone who has been through this as it never goes away but it can get better

Good on you my girl

Hear hear! "

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By *aydee65Man
over a year ago

Near Merthyr

Wow...!!! Powerful stuff. I try not to judge anyone, because nobody knows what others are carrying around with them.

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By *RH and HRNCouple
over a year ago

Carmarthen

I, boobs, suffered domestic and verbal anise with my first husband, whilst the scars have healed o we the past 14-15 years, I still dream about the nature of the abuse.

I had to visit hospital twice for various wounds to be looked at. . Otherwise on the whole the bruises were kept to the "swimsuit" area.

It is never easy to walk away, and even now there are certain things that trigger a strong dislike in people. This could be as simple as a smell or the way they say babes. .

I am also now going through some tests to determine if my past has caused some lasting damage to my ears, as my ex used to really slap me hard across my head and ears . . I have had to relive a lot of that past. . And I wouldn't wish any of it on anyone.

All I would like to say to any of you, if you find a friend in that situation please listen to them and be there for them, I lost a lot of my friends, because they believed his mouth, and I was still struggling to one to terms with it. I learnt a lot in a very short period of time . .

It can get better . . It really can with the right support xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I, boobs, suffered domestic and verbal anise with my first husband, whilst the scars have healed o we the past 14-15 years, I still dream about the nature of the abuse.

I had to visit hospital twice for various wounds to be looked at. . Otherwise on the whole the bruises were kept to the "swimsuit" area.

It is never easy to walk away, and even now there are certain things that trigger a strong dislike in people. This could be as simple as a smell or the way they say babes. .

I am also now going through some tests to determine if my past has caused some lasting damage to my ears, as my ex used to really slap me hard across my head and ears . . I have had to relive a lot of that past. . And I wouldn't wish any of it on anyone.

All I would like to say to any of you, if you find a friend in that situation please listen to them and be there for them, I lost a lot of my friends, because they believed his mouth, and I was still struggling to one to terms with it. I learnt a lot in a very short period of time . .

It can get better . . It really can with the right support xxx"

I hope everything is OK and he hasn't done any more damage.

I agree totally with what you say on smells,and the way people say things.

Even down to babes or princess.

And if we can make a difference to just one person then this thread has been worth it xx

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By *RH and HRNCouple
over a year ago

Carmarthen


"

I hope everything is OK and he hasn't done any more damage.

I agree totally with what you say on smells,and the way people say things.

Even down to babes or princess.

And if we can make a difference to just one person then this thread has been worth it xx

"

Indeed . . Helping just one person be positive, is always an achievement

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My issue was that I loved her, invested 60k into a house that I got forcibly removed from and think now it's why I can't function in a vanilla relationship, I hold too much in and can't trust.

That sucks. I don't want a relationship either, coz of the trust thing, but feel this site is making my trust issues worse."

I totally agree

Since joining this site I don't think I could trust q man to be faithful

And my relationships never last as I won't let anyone close enough to hurt me

Maybe one day I will find someone who knows until then I shall have fun and who knows

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Took me 16 yrs bbe and I'm a nurse as you know I was old school my bed I lied in it but there came a time after the last beating that put me in hospital for mths I couldn't hide or lie to myself it would never happen again !! It is the mental scars that never heal I still have those and physical ones but you do get there with help and courage xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It just shows there are some seriously sick and twisted people in the world

And to be honest a lot of the things I heard are worse then I ever experienced

The last time for me was when we tried to strangle me while I was holding my baby and my 2 sons sat there crying

That night I knew enough was enough and I moved and have never looked back

We still talk as we have kids together but he knows he can never touch me again

I'm stronger then he ever will be so in the end I won and he's just a pathetic excuse for a man

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It just shows there are some seriously sick and twisted people in the world

And to be honest a lot of the things I heard are worse then I ever experienced

The last time for me was when we tried to strangle me while I was holding my baby and my 2 sons sat there crying

That night I knew enough was enough and I moved and have never looked back

We still talk as we have kids together but he knows he can never touch me again

I'm stronger then he ever will be so in the end I won and he's just a pathetic excuse for a man "

I totally agree with you I never spoke to mine again we do have a son but he doesn't want to know either we all have the courage in us it's just realising it xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Mental abuse scares for life......Not nice. Scar's*

Your right there

And I can't seem to let anyone really close any more.

I seem to hide alot of things.

Maybe one day things will change

When the time is right for you and the person has earned your trust you will Let them in until then your doing what's right for you

Thank you..

Just wish sometimes people would see it like that but they dont"

That's their loss patience will bring good things is what they say

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It just shows there are some seriously sick and twisted people in the world

And to be honest a lot of the things I heard are worse then I ever experienced

The last time for me was when we tried to strangle me while I was holding my baby and my 2 sons sat there crying

That night I knew enough was enough and I moved and have never looked back

We still talk as we have kids together but he knows he can never touch me again

I'm stronger then he ever will be so in the end I won and he's just a pathetic excuse for a man "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Mental abuse scares for life......Not nice. Scar's*

Your right there

And I can't seem to let anyone really close any more.

I seem to hide alot of things.

Maybe one day things will change

When the time is right for you and the person has earned your trust you will Let them in until then your doing what's right for you

Thank you..

Just wish sometimes people would see it like that but they dont

That's their loss patience will bring good things is what they say "

Exactly what I keep telling myself lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My issue was that I loved her, invested 60k into a house that I got forcibly removed from and think now it's why I can't function in a vanilla relationship, I hold too much in and can't trust.

That sucks. I don't want a relationship either, coz of the trust thing, but feel this site is making my trust issues worse.

I totally agree

Since joining this site I don't think I could trust q man to be faithful

And my relationships never last as I won't let anyone close enough to hurt me

Maybe one day I will find someone who knows until then I shall have fun and who knows "

It's more people lying that bothers me. I can see the manipulation, even if it's just slight. Things like someone approaches you saying they'll take you out to somewhere you wanna go and then as you carry on chatting it'll change to just coming round your house for sex and not what was originally offered. And i get that this site is a sex site but if someone agrees to take you somewhere (and i'm paying for myself, not even expecting them to pay) i just think wtf, you are just a liar. I'm looking at people more in a black and white way now, no more grey areas and making excuses for lies and liars. Yeah it's a sex site to meet up with people for sex but what both people want should be mutual and not one sided.

Being cheated on doesn't even bother me, it's the lying and how people go about cheating that bothers me.

I actually have no problem making myself vulnerable either, i just expect to be let down and hardly ever disappointed. I'd say i don't really invest in anyone but myself and think this is the best way to be until i find someone worth investing in.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A a fairly new work friend of mine came to work this morning having been physically assaulted by her partner last night. All the bruises, marks etc were on her chest and other places that would usually be covered by clothing. He has been arrested. She says she has put up with this, along with mental/emotional/financial abuse for 18 months but last night was the first time she thought "enough". It really upset me. I had always thought she seemed quitish in work sometimes but never suspected anything like that as I haven't known her that long. I know there are many people out there who suffer in silence and just hope that one day they can find the courage to say "enough is enough" and break free from the abuse. Not really a particular point to my post I know but just wanted to get it off my chest "

A woman I knew as one of the mums at my sons infant school had been in an abusive relationship. She said that the most difficult bit was accepting that it was abuse and that it was not her fault.

She will need steadfast friends

Mike

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My issue was that I loved her, invested 60k into a house that I got forcibly removed from and think now it's why I can't function in a vanilla relationship, I hold too much in and can't trust.

That sucks. I don't want a relationship either, coz of the trust thing, but feel this site is making my trust issues worse.

I totally agree

Since joining this site I don't think I could trust q man to be faithful

And my relationships never last as I won't let anyone close enough to hurt me

Maybe one day I will find someone who knows until then I shall have fun and who knows

It's more people lying that bothers me. I can see the manipulation, even if it's just slight. Things like someone approaches you saying they'll take you out to somewhere you wanna go and then as you carry on chatting it'll change to just coming round your house for sex and not what was originally offered. And i get that this site is a sex site but if someone agrees to take you somewhere (and i'm paying for myself, not even expecting them to pay) i just think wtf, you are just a liar. I'm looking at people more in a black and white way now, no more grey areas and making excuses for lies and liars. Yeah it's a sex site to meet up with people for sex but what both people want should be mutual and not one sided.

Being cheated on doesn't even bother me, it's the lying and how people go about cheating that bothers me.

I actually have no problem making myself vulnerable either, i just expect to be let down and hardly ever disappointed. I'd say i don't really invest in anyone but myself and think this is the best way to be until i find someone worth investing in."

well said and this seems to be the very thing here that gets to me! Why promise or say what guys think you wanna hear

Well said xxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Why promise or say what guys think you wanna hear

Well said xxxx"

It must work for them sometimes, gets their foot in your door and sometimes you might not even notice they changed the goal posts - or maybe not care if you're self esteem is good.

Con artists and liars, just goes to show that people cannot respect others and their wishes, which takes me right back to the trust issues and how this site can make them worse.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Why promise or say what guys think you wanna hear

Well said xxxx

It must work for them sometimes, gets their foot in your door and sometimes you might not even notice they changed the goal posts - or maybe not care if you're self esteem is good.

Con artists and liars, just goes to show that people cannot respect others and their wishes, which takes me right back to the trust issues and how this site can make them worse."

yes totally agree

I'm just a little clued up now thankfully after being out of an abusive relationship for 7yrs

And staying that way

Can't bring myself to trust again! Sometimes wish I could mind x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Why promise or say what guys think you wanna hear

Well said xxxx

It must work for them sometimes, gets their foot in your door and sometimes you might not even notice they changed the goal posts - or maybe not care if you're self esteem is good.

Con artists and liars, just goes to show that people cannot respect others and their wishes, which takes me right back to the trust issues and how this site can make them worse.

yes totally agree

I'm just a little clued up now thankfully after being out of an abusive relationship for 7yrs

And staying that way

Can't bring myself to trust again! Sometimes wish I could mind x"

I was tempted to say one day you'll trust yourself, but thinking about it every time i start to do that some douche comes into my life to prove that actually i can't.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Been there (I am the male half)!! I took it physically and mentally for more than 15 years from my ex wife who was an alcoholic. However I stayed for the sake of my kids. I would never repay the abuse back,it's just plain wrong to hit a woman. Once the kids were all grown up I left. I am however now married to a wonderful woman. Even though I tried to hide it all from the children they no doubt saw and heard more than enough but they are well adjusted adults so I feel I did the right thing by them. Maybe not right for me at the time though. It has took me many years to recover but I am a much stronger person mentally now though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Been there (I am the male half)!! I took it physically and mentally for more than 15 years from my ex wife who was an alcoholic. However I stayed for the sake of my kids. I would never repay the abuse back,it's just plain wrong to hit a woman. Once the kids were all grown up I left. I am however now married to a wonderful woman. Even though I tried to hide it all from the children they no doubt saw and heard more than enough but they are well adjusted adults so I feel I did the right thing by them. Maybe not right for me at the time though. It has took me many years to recover but I am a much stronger person mentally now though. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A a fairly new work friend of mine came to work this morning having been physically assaulted by her partner last night. All the bruises, marks etc were on her chest and other places that would usually be covered by clothing. He has been arrested. She says she has put up with this, along with mental/emotional/financial abuse for 18 months but last night was the first time she thought "enough". It really upset me. I had always thought she seemed quitish in work sometimes but never suspected anything like that as I haven't known her that long. I know there are many people out there who suffer in silence and just hope that one day they can find the courage to say "enough is enough" and break free from the abuse. Not really a particular point to my post I know but just wanted to get it off my chest "

I saw alot of Spousal abuse cases when I was in the Police. Its a very common occurrence, and also unfortunately quite alot of it goes unreported. Spousal abuse affects both sides of the gender line. Where the Majority of cases are a man hitting or abusing a woman physically/ verbally and sexually. I dealt with a couple of cases where the male was the victim. Domestic violence against Women is widely reported. Men that hit women are lowlife scum and when kids are involved they are even lower. Has your colleague reported her partner to the Police?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A a fairly new work friend of mine came to work this morning having been physically assaulted by her partner last night. All the bruises, marks etc were on her chest and other places that would usually be covered by clothing. He has been arrested. She says she has put up with this, along with mental/emotional/financial abuse for 18 months but last night was the first time she thought "enough". It really upset me. I had always thought she seemed quitish in work sometimes but never suspected anything like that as I haven't known her that long. I know there are many people out there who suffer in silence and just hope that one day they can find the courage to say "enough is enough" and break free from the abuse. Not really a particular point to my post I know but just wanted to get it off my chest "

I saw alot of Spousal abuse cases when I was in the Police. Its a very common occurrence, and also unfortunately quite alot of it goes unreported. Spousal abuse affects both sides of the gender line. Where the Majority of cases are a man hitting or abusing a woman physically/ verbally and sexually. I dealt with a couple of cases where the male was the victim. Domestic violence against Women is widely reported. Men that hit women are lowlife scum and when kids are involved they are even lower. Has your colleague reported her partner to the Police?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Yea he was arrested and now has some form of restraining order in place

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yea he was arrested and now has some form of restraining order in place"

good news hope she's coping ok

but your a good friend /work colleague to have miss P XXX

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By *abes in the woodWoman
over a year ago

wales

Good post help others well done lot of suffers out their take time to trust again when you been through ordeal we are all survive who are stronger person each day will take time to get trust back.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The emotional abuse is very hard to recover from long term. At least there's some sort of justice and he was arrested etc...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Let's be honest

How many get the partner arrested then drop the charges before it gets to court

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