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How long before you collar

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I've recently started a thing with this lady, she is single, and lives to be a sub to me, we are still finding limits and experiences. I've given her a pet name, she is totally submissive to me. She is asking can I collar her, make her mine alone.

Two questions.

When is the right time to collar her?

Will she keep it on 24/7 or just play times

Advice please

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How long is a piece of string? There isn't a BDSM step-by-step handbook to follow, just do what feels natural to you both. Easy as that.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"How long is a piece of string? There isn't a BDSM step-by-step handbook to follow, just do what feels natural to you both. Easy as that."

That's what I thought. But I don't think she has earned it yet. But she does.

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By *otsoSnowWhiteWoman
over a year ago

My Ice Castle! South Wales


"How long is a piece of string? There isn't a BDSM step-by-step handbook to follow, just do what feels natural to you both. Easy as that.

That's what I thought. But I don't think she has earned it yet. But she does.

"

Then you need to talk to her about it, explain that you feel she hasn't earned the privilege yet. Set out the goal posts for her to earn it

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"How long is a piece of string? There isn't a BDSM step-by-step handbook to follow, just do what feels natural to you both. Easy as that.

That's what I thought. But I don't think she has earned it yet. But she does.

Then you need to talk to her about it, explain that you feel she hasn't earned the privilege yet. Set out the goal posts for her to earn it "

I've explained to her that I don't think she is ready, but I'm still training. She has her limits pushed on a daily basis.

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By *otsoSnowWhiteWoman
over a year ago

My Ice Castle! South Wales


"How long is a piece of string? There isn't a BDSM step-by-step handbook to follow, just do what feels natural to you both. Easy as that.

That's what I thought. But I don't think she has earned it yet. But she does.

Then you need to talk to her about it, explain that you feel she hasn't earned the privilege yet. Set out the goal posts for her to earn it

I've explained to her that I don't think she is ready, but I'm still training. She has her limits pushed on a daily basis. "

That's good then she should earn it pretty soon then if she's a good sub

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" Two questions.

When is the right time to collar her?

Will she keep it on 24/7 or just play times

Advice pleaae "

(Lady here)

Having been collared for a many months now I believe the 'right time' is when shes earned it, when you fully trust each other and she proved her loyalty to you, I was put through maaaanny tests by my master (all of which designed to prove my loyalty to him, to improve and teach me) the first time he placed it round my neck blew my mind. I felt so proud, Excited even!

As for when should she wear it? Well thats completely up to you! I am never to place mine on/take mine off. he puts it on when he wants me to wear it, mainly during play sessions out once or twice as punishment haha!

Nice to see some posts about bdsm in here

Xxx

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


" Two questions.

When is the right time to collar her?

Will she keep it on 24/7 or just play times

Advice pleaae

(Lady here)

Having been collared for a many months now I believe the 'right time' is when shes earned it, when you fully trust each other and she proved her loyalty to you, I was put through maaaanny tests by my master (all of which designed to prove my loyalty to him, to improve and teach me) the first time he placed it round my neck blew my mind. I felt so proud, Excited even!

As for when should she wear it? Well thats completely up to you! I am never to place mine on/take mine off. he puts it on when he wants me to wear it, mainly during play sessions out once or twice as punishment haha!

Nice to see some posts about bdsm in here

Xxx

"

Thank you lady for this.

I will make sure she does earn it.

I've a couple of tests

If you message me with a couple of your tests, that would be good.

I'm thinking a velvety choker 24/7 and a leather o e for play time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No offense, if you can't come up with your own tasks, you're not a very good dom.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"No offense, if you can't come up with your own tasks, you're not a very good dom. "

I've plenty of tasks, some of which I think might be either too soft or too extreme. Just asking advice from a fellow fabster.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"No offense, if you can't come up with your own tasks, you're not a very good dom.

I've plenty of tasks, some of which I think might be either too soft or too extreme. Just asking advice from a fellow fabster.

"

Just didn't sit right with me, as these things are pretty specific and not a 'one size fits all' kind of thing. If my Dom was asking others what to do, it would send up massive red flags for me, personally. But cool, fair enough

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"No offense, if you can't come up with your own tasks, you're not a very good dom.

I've plenty of tasks, some of which I think might be either too soft or too extreme. Just asking advice from a fellow fabster.

Just didn't sit right with me, as these things are pretty specific and not a 'one size fits all' kind of thing. If my Dom was asking others what to do, it would send up massive red flags for me, personally. But cool, fair enough "

Thanks.

I've set her one today.

It's kinda of a prelude to the weekend.

She had to make her own crutch less panties. Not remove them all day. She also has to have a play at work, in the toilets, 8 times, send me an audio clip, but she cannot cum till I say.

Which I'm thinking maybe late Sunday.

Will see how good she is.

She has only managed 3 since 8 this morning. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

If you message me with a couple of your tests, that would be good.

"

(Lord here)

I've spent months learning all of Lady's idosyncratic likes and dislikes to build a personalised, effective plan for sessions. Even certain whispers in her ear turn her to jelly, but wouldnt work for another sub.

Punishments and rewards for her vary in type and severity based on how which she appreciates most/finds worst.

For some people, marmite is the worst thing in the world, others love it. Punishing them with something they may enjoy just because YOU would hate it falls flat. As a Dom, it's your job to ascertain from your sub, which of these are which.

It's not about what you want out of your sub, but what they'll willingly give. That's what I enjoy, the control of give and take. I love looking at Lady during a session and seeing her almost ask with her eyes 'Am I doing as well as I should?', it's perfect.

Basically, every sub's a puzzle, it's your job to crack 'em

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

If you message me with a couple of your tests, that would be good.

(Lord here)

I've spent months learning all of Lady's idosyncratic likes and dislikes to build a personalised, effective plan for sessions. Even certain whispers in her ear turn her to jelly, but wouldnt work for another sub.

Punishments and rewards for her vary in type and severity based on how which she appreciates most/finds worst.

For some people, marmite is the worst thing in the world, others love it. Punishing them with something they may enjoy just because YOU would hate it falls flat. As a Dom, it's your job to ascertain from your sub, which of these are which.

It's not about what you want out of your sub, but what they'll willingly give. That's what I enjoy, the control of give and take. I love looking at Lady during a session and seeing her almost ask with her eyes 'Am I doing as well as I should?', it's perfect.

Basically, every sub's a puzzle, it's your job to crack 'em "

+1

I also see it as the Dom's job to know what they want before they do. To help nurture and support them and help them grow into the person they want to be.

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By *randMrsHorny24Couple
over a year ago

South wales

Me and mr have been together 9 years we've always had a bit of kink in our relationship but it's developed more over the past 2 years and having been collared for a few months I love it and I wear my collar everyday just to know that he owns me then we have a separate one for play but ure sub has to earn that collar as its a privilege and a gift.

Good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Basically, every sub's a puzzle, it's your job to crack 'em

+1

I also see it as the Dom's job to know what they want before they do. To help nurture and support them and help them grow into the person they want to be.

"

Lady again ^.^

I totally agree with this! Before I met lord he already had loads of ideas for me; how to improve me and my situation, how to make me stronger as a person and give me direction, Along side his own crazy ideas he wanted to explore for his pleasure

He saw potential in me that I never even saw myself, and its because of his desire to be so persistent and strict with me that I submit to him fully. He would never give up on me and I wouldnt dream of giving up on him either.

I know he thinks everything through that he has planned for me. Example.. and I love this.. he once told me something like this.. "if I hold you blindfolded on the edge of a bridge and order you to jump.. you had better know deep down that its either not a bridge or there is a rope tied to you with a specialist supervisor present." (So I hope you have considered the consequences if she gets caught playing out loud in work or visiting the toilet 8 times on shift)

There are alot of men that call themselves "doms" who are only labelling themselves for their own selfish desires. A D/s relationship has improved both of our lives so much, its near perfect. I wish other people would see it like this xxx

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By *otsoSnowWhiteWoman
over a year ago

My Ice Castle! South Wales


"

There are alot of men that call themselves "doms" who are only labelling themselves for their own selfish desires."

Totally agree with this and others tat are just plain bullies that want to abuse the persons trust!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thank you to lordandlady, you two have given me a lot to think about, when I thought I knew what she wanted, you turned it on its head.

I understand the D/s relationship is about respect, trust and commitment. I also understand in reality the sub has the power, without their consent and willingness to please the Dom can't function.

I understand the punishment has to fit, the getting caught, I am prepared for that. She did message and say she couldn't go through with one part, as there was workmen in the toilets.

As you say each sub has their own way, and it's up to us Dom's to figure that out.

She has a pet name, she knows if I use it in the "normal'" world she has to obey. It's not offensive or sexual, so it wouldn't appear out of place in conversation. But she knows it as s trigger word.

I get where you come from snow, yes men do label themselves as Dom just to get to bully a lady, it's not right. Being a Dom or master or sir, or whatever is a privilege not a right.

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