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By *alleycpl OP   Couple
over a year ago

gobblers knob

a smile and laugh is always good,please share your fav jokes

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By *alleycpl OP   Couple
over a year ago

gobblers knob

A mum was cleaning her son's bedroom & found bondage & fetish mags. She asks her husband what to do. He replies 'whatever u do don't f****n spank him!'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses.

She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"

After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.

The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"

"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

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By *alleycpl OP   Couple
over a year ago

gobblers knob


" A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses.

She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"

After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.

The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"

"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

"

thankyou kitten put a smile on my face

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By *lutandhubbyCouple
over a year ago

west midlands

A woman is walking past a pet shop where she notices a sign:

"Good home needed for clitoris-licking frog."

The woman goes inside and says to the shopkeeper,

"I noticed you have a clitoris-licking frog? I'll take one."

He packages up a frog. The woman sneaks out the door and rushes home. She gets home... takes out the instructions and reads them carefully doing exactly what it says to do.

Take a shower. Put on some nice smelling perfume.

Put on a very sexy nightie.

Get into bed, spread your legs and put the frog down "THERE"

To her surprise, nothing happens. So, she thought, perhaps the scent she chose is not appealing to the frog... So, she showers again... and tries another perfume. She gets back into bed, puts the frog between her legs and, NOTHING.

She's totally frustrated and pissed off at this point. She reads the instructions again thinking that there might be something she overlooked. At the bottom of the paper it says... If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet store. So, she does. The man behind the counter says, "I've had a few complaints earlier today, I'll be right over to check out the problem". A few minutes later he knocks on the door. He enters and says, "You'll have to show me exactly what you did". She does. She showers, puts on the perfume and the Teddy, gets into bed... and puts the frog between her legs. NOTHING HAPPENS.

She says, "see, I've done everything according to the instructions and the damn thing just sits there." The man looking very concerned, picks up the frog, looks directly into its eyes and says, "I'M ONLY GOING TO SHOW YOU HOW TO DO THIS ONE MORE TIME!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A woman is walking past a pet shop where she notices a sign:

"Good home needed for clitoris-licking frog."

The woman goes inside and says to the shopkeeper,

"I noticed you have a clitoris-licking frog? I'll take one."

He packages up a frog. The woman sneaks out the door and rushes home. She gets home... takes out the instructions and reads them carefully doing exactly what it says to do.

Take a shower. Put on some nice smelling perfume.

Put on a very sexy nightie.

Get into bed, spread your legs and put the frog down "THERE"

To her surprise, nothing happens. So, she thought, perhaps the scent she chose is not appealing to the frog... So, she showers again... and tries another perfume. She gets back into bed, puts the frog between her legs and, NOTHING.

She's totally frustrated and pissed off at this point. She reads the instructions again thinking that there might be something she overlooked. At the bottom of the paper it says... If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet store. So, she does. The man behind the counter says, "I've had a few complaints earlier today, I'll be right over to check out the problem". A few minutes later he knocks on the door. He enters and says, "You'll have to show me exactly what you did". She does. She showers, puts on the perfume and the Teddy, gets into bed... and puts the frog between her legs. NOTHING HAPPENS.

She says, "see, I've done everything according to the instructions and the damn thing just sits there." The man looking very concerned, picks up the frog, looks directly into its eyes and says, "I'M ONLY GOING TO SHOW YOU HOW TO DO THIS ONE MORE TIME!" "

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By *otsoSnowWhiteWoman
over a year ago

My Ice Castle! South Wales

One day little Johnny was walking up a hill pulling his red wagon behind him saying, "Fuck this," "Fuck that."

The town priest hears this and walks up to Johnny and says,"You shouldn't swear like that, Johnny. God is all around us."

"Is he in the sky?" asks Johnny.

"Yes," says the priest.

"Is he in that bush over there?" asks Johnny.

"Yes," says the priest."

Is he in my wagon?" asked Johnny.

"Yes," says the priest.

"Well tell him to get the fuck out and push!!!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

LITTLE JOHNNY AND GOD

PreviousNext

One day little Johnny was walking up a hill pulling his red wagon behind him saying, "F**k this," "F**k that."

The town priest hears this and walks up to Johnny and says,"You shouldn't swear like that, Johnny. God is all around us."

"Is he in the sky?" asks Johnny.

"Yes," says the priest.

"Is he in that bush over there?" asks Johnny.

"Yes," says the priest."

Is he in my wagon?" asked Johnny.

"Yes," says the priest.

"Well tell him to get the f**k out and push!!!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Blonde goes to the Dr's and says I hurt all over my body everywhere.

Dr says impossible show me.

Patient say okay and pokes her foot and screams with pain.

She then pokes her legs and screams again.

She finally pokes her other hand and screams again.

She then says to the Dr see I told you it hurts all over

Dr pauses for a second then says

"Well you know what's wrong don't you,? You have broken your fu***ng finger!!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A woman answers a knock on the door, with only a towel wrapped around her. The man at the door says he would give her £500 to drop her towel. .....she obliges and the man walks off with a huge smile on his face. As she closes the door, her husband shouts from the kitchen "was that Gary dropping of the £500 he owed me?"

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By *alleycpl OP   Couple
over a year ago

gobblers knob


"A woman is walking past a pet shop where she notices a sign:

"Good home needed for clitoris-licking frog."

The woman goes inside and says to the shopkeeper,

"I noticed you have a clitoris-licking frog? I'll take one."

He packages up a frog. The woman sneaks out the door and rushes home. She gets home... takes out the instructions and reads them carefully doing exactly what it says to do.

Take a shower. Put on some nice smelling perfume.

Put on a very sexy nightie.

Get into bed, spread your legs and put the frog down "THERE"

To her surprise, nothing happens. So, she thought, perhaps the scent she chose is not appealing to the frog... So, she showers again... and tries another perfume. She gets back into bed, puts the frog between her legs and, NOTHING.

She's totally frustrated and pissed off at this point. She reads the instructions again thinking that there might be something she overlooked. At the bottom of the paper it says... If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet store. So, she does. The man behind the counter says, "I've had a few complaints earlier today, I'll be right over to check out the problem". A few minutes later he knocks on the door. He enters and says, "You'll have to show me exactly what you did". She does. She showers, puts on the perfume and the Teddy, gets into bed... and puts the frog between her legs. NOTHING HAPPENS.

She says, "see, I've done everything according to the instructions and the damn thing just sits there." The man looking very concerned, picks up the frog, looks directly into its eyes and says, "I'M ONLY GOING TO SHOW YOU HOW TO DO THIS ONE MORE TIME!" "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick her candy

But Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock Cause Jill's real name is randy

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By *nyoneup4funMan
over a year ago

Llanelli

[Removed by poster at 11/11/15 23:49:18]

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By *nyoneup4funMan
over a year ago

Llanelli

Paddy is on the plane and the stewardess asks paddy if he would like a drink to which paddy replies yes I'll have a whiskey. The stewardess then ask the Muslim gentleman next to him if he would like the same and he replies I would rather be raped by 20 whores than have alcohol pass my lips.

Paddy turns to the stewardess and says cancel my whiskey, the stewardess asks him why and he replies I didn't know we had a choice I'll have what he's having ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I got banned last time I put a joke up

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By *onnie55Man
over a year ago

Port Talbot

Gareth Bale left Spurs for Real Madrid, but was carrying an injury when he reported for pre-season training. After a few weeks of rehab, the coach came up to him and said: 'You've made good progress, Gareth - I'm going to play you for the first 45 minutes and pull you off at half time..' Gareth replied: 'That's great, boss, we only got oranges at Spurs..'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her father cursed her.

Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru?

The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff....dad....I became a prostitute...."

"Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this family."

"OK, dad-- as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a savings certificate for $5 million."

"For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club....(takes a breath)....and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years' Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and...."

Now what was it ye said ye had become?" says dad.

Girl, crying again, "Sniff, sniff....a prostitute dad! Sniff, sniff.

"Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant. Come here and give yer old man a hug.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 15/11/15 23:14:06]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 15/11/15 23:13:56]

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By *alleycpl OP   Couple
over a year ago

gobblers knob

Says.. a vicar books into a travel lodge and says to the receptionist "I hope the porn Channel is disabled" She replied "No its ordinary porn you sick bastard!"

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By *rinceandprincess2015Couple
over a year ago

bridgend

What's big and white and can't climb trees ?+?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you get if you cross an hedgehog with an owl???

A prick that stays up all night

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By *lutandhubbyCouple
over a year ago

west midlands

Christmas is like any other day for me, sitting at the table with a big

fat bird who doesn't gobble anymore

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By *ax-BangingMan
over a year ago

town

What do you call a sun burnt sprinter..... Linford crispy

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By *lutandhubbyCouple
over a year ago

west midlands

Just watched a scouser family on Family Fortunes. Should've seen their faces light up when Vernon Kay said to them "Get ready, you might have a chance to steal"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What's big and white and can't climb trees ?+?"

Rupert the fridge?

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By *ax-BangingMan
over a year ago

town

Why did humpty dumpty push his girlfriend of the wall ......to see her crack!!

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By *alleycpl OP   Couple
over a year ago

gobblers knob


"Christmas is like any other day for me, sitting at the table with a big

fat bird who doesn't gobble anymore "

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By *alleycpl OP   Couple
over a year ago

gobblers knob

hubby says"i fancy kinky sex,can i cum in Ur ear?"wife says"NO i might go deaf"

hubby says"i been cumin in ur mouth for 20years &ur still fucking talking!!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What you call a prositute with a running nose?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What you call a prositute with a running nose?"

so what do you call her

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was going to tell a joke about sodium, but Na.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Full

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By *alleycpl OP   Couple
over a year ago

gobblers knob


"I was going to tell a joke about sodium, but Na."

woo very clever

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