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Married men on here but wives don't know?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

We're a couple and both myself and my husband regularly check in and we do everything together.

But we've been messaged by a few men who have in their profile that they're married and their wives don't know what they're up to?

I feel bad for the wives but I also feel bad for the men knowing they aren't fulfilled at home and have to go looking ...

What do you guys think?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think they are not swingers in the true sense of the word. They just dont obviously love and respect their wives. Swinging Community has always been about total trust, I for one could not trust someone who disrespects their wife like that. Have and affair yes married people do but not treat swingers as a shagfest.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think they all treat it as shag fest, I have occasionally met unfulfilled attached guys in complicated situations, who were very respectful & embraced the swinging lifestyle. Some guys I've met I've totally believed were single only to find out somewhere along the way that they're not. I long ago gave up devoting too much head space to it because it's a minefield.

I just want to meet guys for fun on occasion, hopefully the enjoyment is mutual, hopefully they're nice & respectful, but I don't want to keep them & I'm truly not interested in whats going on at home. Sounds harsh I know, but I have been both sides & no matter what our position on things People will feel strongly X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think that you can give it a single blanket answer - you need to assess each person on an individual basis..

If they are honest about it, and are unhappy at home, better to find something without strings here rather than fall into a full affair.

But if they are just being greedy and showing no respect for their partners, then no way!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Im not against married men per se hell I have had two long term affairs with the married men but did not meet them on anything to do with swinging. How I should have said I also have a few married male members on her as just friends and they are very lovely. I am in a double edged position I do feel sorry for the wives but .......... oh its a hard question now I come to really think on it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think other people's marriages/relationships are no concern of mine. I have met married men in the last although as a rule now I don't. But what others choose to do is their own business. I don't judge people. Life is never as black and white as some people like to think xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I look at it like this married men always GO home to there wife and thats how I like it I try not to go with married men but now and then they do pop up I have been with married men and have become very good friend as they know they can talk to me if they need to but like u said its not always black and white

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By *RWYNMan
over a year ago

Blaenau Gwent

My story is that my wife went of sex a long time ago, before that it was great. So if I get a chance to meet a lady that wants to have some no strings fun well that's o k with me. I don't want to have affairs and I don't want to fall in love. Well that's my point of view . Lol.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My story is that my wife went of sex a long time ago, before that it was great. So if I get a chance to meet a lady that wants to have some no strings fun well that's o k with me. I don't want to have affairs and I don't want to fall in love. Well that's my point of view . Lol. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Im not against married men per se hell I have had two long term affairs with the married men but did not meet them on anything to do with swinging. How I should have said I also have a few married male members on her as just friends and they are very lovely. I am in a double edged position I do feel sorry for the wives but .......... oh its a hard question now I come to really think on it "

I think we're all the same Kitten, in an ideal world we would all be happy with what we have & there'd be no need for all of this, but as MissP points out, nothing is black n white & most of us like those shades of grey x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My story is that my wife went of sex a long time ago, before that it was great. So if I get a chance to meet a lady that wants to have some no strings fun well that's o k with me. I don't want to have affairs and I don't want to fall in love. Well that's my point of view . Lol. "

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By *RWYNMan
over a year ago

Blaenau Gwent

Yes, sheds of grey is very good . Lol.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As a happily married couple (of 33 years!) who tried and embraced the swinging lifestyle just over a year ago, it would be easy for us to preach about what swinging is meant to mean and how singles are sort of just hanging around the scene hoping for an easy shag every now and again.

But it isn't a simple as that ... we both enjoy meeting single people at times as well as married couples - and we are lucky to have a trusting relationship which enables us to do that without any jealousy or fear.

Who are we to judge others for the lifestyle they choose to lead - any more than others have any right to judge us .... each to their own we say .... if we like you, we'll shag you lol!! We don't need to know your personal circumstances first - in fact, we'd rather not know sometimes!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I went off sex. Lots of reasons. I'm incredibly lucky and grateful that my husband didn't decide to shag around behind my back but worked on our relationship. I'm also very lucky and grateful that (beyond his ex) no woman threw themselves at him knowing he is married.

But thanks to his ex for trying it on while we were going through IVF. That was extra special that was.

It's still not perfect as a lot of those issues are still there. But we know what we have to do, as we've got out of that rut before.

I would never play with a married guy because there are enough single ones out there. Why be responsible for trashing a marriage? And potentially ----ing some kids lives over into the bargain?

Whether he leaves or cheats, one thing is going to be the same - the ultimate demise of the marriage.

I think if you knowing play with a married guy, you are as responsible for the damage as he is.

Sorry that's harsh but it's how I feel.

When it's with permission, that's a whole other ball game.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tis the season of goodwill so not going to say what I think about the single swingers comment

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Singles just hanging around for a shag ????

Insulted is not the word !!!!

Any guy who cheats on his wife are scum !!!!

I will not meet married guy's.....

FFs i am really angry due to your singles comment......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And women who meet guy's knowing they are married are equally scum ...!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yep, I'm scum & a very Happy Xmas to you too

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By *arrapsMan
over a year ago

port talbot

My wife gave up on sex seven years ago, porn and masturbation helped, but ultimately there's nothing like being next to a woman and having a cuddle after you've made love.

It's that we all miss, I love my wife dearly and we'll be together until one of us dies.

So don't judge us or condem us until you know the facts.

My wife suspects that I'm having sex elsewhere, and if she would ask I'd be honest about it. It's certainly better than constantly pestering for sex.

And thanks to one special person my life is fuller again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

its hard to know if ur meeting a married or not ...u can only go by what they choose to tell u.....and tbh if they are cheating its their guilt and their marriage they are wrecking not mine xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"its hard to know if ur meeting a married or not ...u can only go by what they choose to tell u.....and tbh if they are cheating its their guilt and their marriage they are wrecking not mine xx"

Scum

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm with the majority on here and have met married and can also confirm most have been in very complex situations and whom am I to judge.....

And can I just point out neither myself nor any of my friends on this thread are scum!! I can confirm xx

Merry Christmas xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think at least one comment here should actually be in the "most offensive to the one above thread", maybe it was misplaced

Strange how some people drop offensive comments like that then step away sharply, no change on this forum

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Great tread, good comments and naturally some offensive ones aswell, however I am married and play alone albeit with saphs permission but ultimately if you lie and cheat, (regardless of your sex) then you are not a true swinger. Ladies can be as bad as men !!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes i was a cheated on wife, tore my life and my kids apart at the time...........and yes SHE knew what she was doing............How would you justify hurting kids ?????

So YES i do find cheating people wether they be male or female...........Selfish scum ....and all for a shag !!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Been there several times but I'm so happy I'm not left bitter or with baggage, his loss my gain. Who are we to police other adults lives, but hey only my opinion & no doubt I'll get a lot of flak as usual for my opinion but I truly don't give a fuck cos it's my life & I live it according to what feels right within my own personal code.

Have a good one all X

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By *iller21Man
over a year ago

Cheshire/Staffsway

There's plenty of women on here that are married. Some are married to men who aren't interested in sex other woman just like the thrill of it.

I've met some who before the meet say they're single and then the truth comes out. I even had to explain to one irate hubby who found my number on her phone that I really had no idea his wife was married. Luckily he believed me, but needless to say I never met her again.

So please don't think it's only men.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

cant we live and just let live...who are we to judge ...we live our own lives and as long as i can wake up every morning and look at myself in the mirror ...(and before any one comments i know its not a great sight ....)..then im happy ...we all make decisions at the time they may not always be right but the one thing they are are OURS....and we only have to answer to ourselves xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you cheat, you disgust me.

If you knowingly partake, you equally disgust me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well said.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wtf happened to the responsibility of the cheating person, you're quick to criticise the other party but they are the ones with the marriage, the parenthood, they cheated. How the fuck do people not get that it's them you should be pissed off with. Are you so naive you think if we all close our legs n mouths to such people that they wouldn't cheat in the 1st place, get a grip, open your eyes & see the world as it is, someone did not come along & deliberately entice your man away, but then again if he was that mindless maybe you're better off without. Your man had a brain, he had free will & HE made a choice whether she knew or not, he cheated X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ohhhh thought this was about any attached cheating weather it be male or female ????

Opinions don't count on here by the looks or is it people trying to justify their guilt whilst playing with attached ?.

Morals spring to mind. !!!!

Have a good day all...........

Bored now..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What about a married male or female who is playing with the other half's full permission and knowledge???

A very good friend of mine is married but over the years his sex life at home has dwindled to nothing. His wife has no interest but he still has regular urges. Is it wrong given the circumstances for him to swing and achieve satisfaction?? His wife knows and they still love each other. I wonder if they would survive together if they didn't have this arrangement. Their sexual differences would surely pull them apart. Who am I to judge eh??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As always certain people make a thread personal by slinging offensive comments about eg 'scum', they then made this personal to them, hence the use of 'HE', sorry but I was assuming a mf relationship, my bad if I'm wrong

Who are any of us to judge, but hey it's easy to get bored once you've loaded the gun, kids game that X

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By *3xymamaWoman
over a year ago

Uptown Top Ranking

I've been cheated on in the past. My attitude is that if all had been well in my marriage then there wouldn't have been a need to cheat. I do my own thing now and ask no questions. As far as I'm concerned I'm single and don't answer to anyone......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not judging anyone at all........i have my opinion like others........

The thread started about cheating , not consent.............

Misinterpreted as normal on here....

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By *3xymamaWoman
over a year ago

Uptown Top Ranking

I'm just giving my opinion. Not judging anyone either.

I agree tho that things can get misinterpreted when written down

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What about a married male or female who is playing with the other half's full permission and knowledge???

A very good friend of mine is married but over the years his sex life at home has dwindled to nothing. His wife has no interest but he still has regular urges. Is it wrong given the circumstances for him to swing and achieve satisfaction?? His wife knows and they still love each other. I wonder if they would survive together if they didn't have this arrangement. Their sexual differences would surely pull them apart. Who am I to judge eh?? "

Yes but that person knows and consents, I'm assuming. There is no deception, therein lies the difference.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oops ..... and there endeth my lesson on how to cause holy Shit by miswording a post!

Just read back through this thread and realised that it sounded as if i meant all singles were hangers on ...... certainly not what i meant.

I was trying to say that the 'married and secretly pretending to be singles' were hangers on in the swinging scene.

Good grief .... can't afford to upset all you lovely single swingers .... we love sharing and shagging with a fair few of you lol!

But at the end of the day, my message is that personal choice is paramount ... and being non-judgemental is my choice.

Festive greetings to all .... especially those who took umbrage earlier

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Oops ..... and there endeth my lesson on how to cause holy Shit by miswording a post!

Just read back through this thread and realised that it sounded as if i meant all singles were hangers on ...... certainly not what i meant.

I was trying to say that the 'married and secretly pretending to be singles' were hangers on in the swinging scene.

Good grief .... can't afford to upset all you lovely single swingers .... we love sharing and shagging with a fair few of you lol!

But at the end of the day, my message is that personal choice is paramount ... and being non-judgemental is my choice.

Festive greetings to all .... especially those who took umbrage earlier "

Here, here totally clear. Still not sure how "scum" can be misinterpreted, it is just one word lol, even I know I'm not that thick duh, or maybe...

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By *RWYNMan
over a year ago

Blaenau Gwent

Just want to say that I love west wales and spend most of the summer there, lol. See if that will change the thread .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Just want to say that I love west wales and spend most of the summer there, lol. See if that will change the thread . "

It is indeed a most beautiful place to live, with equally beautiful people. Having spent most my life travelling the world I feel well n truly settled here X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I went off sex. Lots of reasons. I'm incredibly lucky and grateful that my husband didn't decide to shag around behind my back but worked on our relationship. I'm also very lucky and grateful that (beyond his ex) no woman threw themselves at him knowing he is married.

But thanks to his ex for trying it on while we were going through IVF. That was extra special that was.

It's still not perfect as a lot of those issues are still there. But we know what we have to do, as we've got out of that rut before.

I would never play with a married guy because there are enough single ones out there. Why be responsible for trashing a marriage? And potentially ----ing some kids lives over into the bargain?

Whether he leaves or cheats, one thing is going to be the same - the ultimate demise of the marriage.

I think if you knowing play with a married guy, you are as responsible for the damage as he is.

Sorry that's harsh but it's how I feel.

When it's with permission, that's a whole other ball game."

I have to agree I was in a marriage that was falling apart and disn't cheat once.

I've unwittingly played with married women in the past but as soon as I found out ended it.

I don't judge but I'd prefer not to be involved unless it's through the consent o the husband which has been given in the past.

She had needs he wasn't interested but loved his wife and family so consented. They are still in love and still happily married although she does not play no more.

I think we all have a concious to live with and its personal choice

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There seems to be a lot of morale judgmentalism on here, which is at very least unnecessary.

Every single case is different and it certainly not the place on a swinging site to start judging other peoples sexual morality.

I'm.married. I was swinging before I was married, and we did bit together when we got together.

Unfortunately, she has a progressive medical condition that has virtually wiped out any sex drive.

So I have three choices, 1 become celibate, 2 dump her (and step kids) to find a new partner, or 3 participate in mutually beneficial sexual fun through swinging.

I'm going to go with 3 (scum or no scum )

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By *RWYNMan
over a year ago

Blaenau Gwent

Well said mate .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 27/12/14 10:53:28]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've been cheated on in the past. My attitude is that if all had been well in my marriage then there wouldn't have been a need to cheat. I do my own thing now and ask no questions. As far as I'm concerned I'm single and don't answer to anyone...... "

I will second that xx

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By *arly40sMan
over a year ago

cardiff


"And women who meet guy's knowing they are married are equally scum ...!!!!"

And what about married women who meet couples/men ?? Are they scum!! Really just because they are married it makes them scum?? This site amazes me at times..... Hypocrites

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