FabSwingers.com forum: Jokes

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Did you hear about the baby that was born with 5 willies ?

His nappy fits like a glove

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By *thwalescplCouple
over a year ago

brecon

What is green and brown, got 8 legs, and if it jumped on you from a tree would kill you?

.... a snooker table!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

rumours are that ebay and gumtree are emerraging together and having there head office in Yorkshire it will be called ...ebygum...........tree

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By *lutandhubbyCouple
over a year ago

west midlands

A Chinese Man walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg.

As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph. Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says,

"You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbour , get outta here."

The astonished Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbour , it was the Japanese".

"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.

In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says, "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship."

Shocked, Spielberg replies, "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me." The Chinese replies,

"Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How do you hurt lady ga ga ......... poker face

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By *enautjaMan
over a year ago

gwent

What do you call a hooker with no legs..........Cash and carry.

its terrible I know

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By *bxxxMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

Knock knock,,,,

Who's there?

Biggish

Biggish who?

Not 2day mate,,,

Made me chuckle a little lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I see a man in Arizona accidentally shot himself in the leg while standing in queue at Wal-Mart.

Or as they call that in America, 'a selfie'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return her father cursed her heavily.

"Where have ye been all this time child? Why did not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call. Can ye not understand what ye put yer o9ld mother through?"

The girl, crying, replied, Dad.... I became a prostitute.

Ye what!? Get out a here, ye shameless harlot, sinner, your a disgrace to this Catholic family.

OK Dad.... as ye wish. I only came back to give mum this fur coat, title deed to a mansion and 5 million savings.For me little brother this gold rolex. And for ye daddy, the sparkling new merc convertible thats outside and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera.

What was it ye said ye had become says Dad.

Girl, crying again, "A prostitute Daddy!"

OH my goodness, ye scared me half to death girl. I thought ye said a PROTESTANT!!! Come here and give ya old dad a hug

sent to me by my auntie from Cork

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By *anda man.Man
over a year ago

Stockport

I pulled a real dog last Saturday night.

Took a second look at her next morning and I almost threw up...

Fuck me she looked like she'd been ducking for apples in a chip pan...she's had more hands up her than Sooty....been set on fire and put out with a golf shoe...she's seen more Japs eyes than an oriental optician...a face like a stunt mans knee... a fanny like a stab wound on a grizzlies back...so ugly a fucking sniper woudnt take her out...been shot over more times than Sarejevo....been cocked more times than Elmer Fudd's shotgun...

Still a shags a shag eh lads?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?

You can't hear an enzyme!

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By *lutandhubbyCouple
over a year ago

west midlands

My racing snail is not winning races anymore,so i decided to take off his shell to reduce his weight and make him more aerodynamic,it hasn't worked,if anything,its made him more sluggish.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" I pulled a real dog last Saturday night.

Took a second look at her next morning and I almost threw up...

Still a shags a shag eh lads?"

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By *lutandhubbyCouple
over a year ago

west midlands

I was sitting in our local bar, depressed ,when Mick walked in.

"what the fuck is up with you"he asked?

"Haven't you heard about Paddy?He is dead"!!

"Jesus fuck,how did it happen"?

"He was coming to my house last night and his brakes went on the car.He crashed head first into a lamp post"!

"Fuck me that's shocking,an awful way to die".

"That didn't kill him.He went through the windscreen,flew through the air,right through my bedroom window,hitting our big mahogony wardrobe,which fuckin fell on his head"!

"In the name of sweet jaysus,that's fucking terrible.Awful way to go"!

"That didn't kill him...he crawled to the stairs and fell down them,breaking every bit of wood on the staircase,crashing clean through the glass hall table and landing head first on the marble floor"!

"Oh fuck me,poor Paddy..terrible way to go"!

"He was still alive...he stumbled into my kitchen,over to the stove,and pulled a scalding pot of soup over himself and he set the fucking kitchen on fire"!!!

"Fuck me...poor Paddy"!

"That didn't kill Paddy either for fuck sake"!

"Well what fooking killed him",asked Mick?

"Me with my fucking shotgun...THE CUNT WAS WRECKING ME FUCKING HOUSE"!

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