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The BBC Raised Important Points

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By *RTHURXXL OP   Man
2 weeks ago

Carmarthenshire

Hi all..

The BBC article may be difficult reading for some members who have experienced coercion or abuse.

Unfotunately, abusive individuals can exploit any environment, including swinging, to exercise coercive control over a partner.

It challenges us to think about the difference between someone appearing willing and someone genuinely wanting to be there.

I hope this doesn't lead to unfair stigma against the wider swinging community. The vast majority of people value consent, respect, and mutual enjoyment. Perhaps the best response is not defensiveness, but continuing to promote a culture where everyone involved feels empowered to say yes, say no, or change their mind at any point.

But here are the important questions to ask ourselves:

Does everyone involved seem genuinely engaged and comfortable?

Is each person able to communicate independently?

Are we checking in throughout the encounter, rather than relying on assumptions made beforehand?

Would we feel confident walking away if something didn't feel right?

I hope we all read the article.

https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/c87q7g48y4po

Share your thoughts please.

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By *iketomeetuWoman
2 weeks ago

Swansea

I’ll have a read of this Arthur, thanks for sharing

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By *urvyredhead2580Woman
2 weeks ago

Swansea

I saw this on the news today and was shocked ! Poor women. I totally agree with what you've said! X

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By *ofiaSamCouple
2 weeks ago

Wales

This is very well written, Thank you for sharing.

Communication, checking in regularly, and making sure everyone has the freedom to change their mind are essential are essntials. The vast majority of people in the lifestyle already do this, but there's always room to be more aware.

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By *forbigunMan
2 weeks ago

here

Unfortunately those coerced into it won’t say anything even on the meet as much as they should be able to speak up they won’t for fear of repercussions, if on a meet the female does make it clear then both parties on that meet without the coercive partner in the room should make an excuse eg the male couldn’t get hard or any other reason they can think of those decent people will come up with a way to help the vulnerable person out however I do feel that there are many in here that won’t do this and keep the individual trapped in the cycle they want out of because most guys here only think with what’s between their legs

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By *3achyBWoman
2 weeks ago

Penrhiwceiber

I think a lot of us have been in those situations where one half of a couple doesn't seem as 'engaged' in the activity as the rest. I've certainly been in those situations & called a halt to things. It happens far more often than we realise X

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By *mt0808Man
2 weeks ago

Aberteifi

I read it. It's good to be aware of, and appropriately cautious about, the possibility that if you're meeting a m/f couple, the woman could be being coerced/controlled/abused by the man. Ruth O'Grady is obviously deserving of sympathy, and it's a gusty move on her part to waive anonymity in a bid to raise awareness of the problem.

I thought the framing and general tone of the article was disappointing however, insofar as it doesn't really call out the real culprit(s) in this case/others like it, i.e the abusive male partner, and the patriarchal, sexist misogynist society/discourses/norms which exist in the UK to enable/encourage such abysmal behaviour by abusive men. Hardly surprising from BBC news though. It's an awful organisation.

I feel like fabswingers.com could improve by taking some simple steps like having some safety advice about consent/safe-meeting best practice, and how to know when one is being bullied etc, displayed prominently on the website, and displaying some helpline numbers.

Really though it's nasty men who need to make the big changes, which is something we can all play a part in by challenging misogyny and sexism whenever we spot it in ourselves, in others or in wider culture and society.

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By *inx300Woman
2 weeks ago

SWANSEA


"I read it. It's good to be aware of, and appropriately cautious about, the possibility that if you're meeting a m/f couple, the woman could be being coerced/controlled/abused by the man. Ruth O'Grady is obviously deserving of sympathy, and it's a gusty move on her part to waive anonymity in a bid to raise awareness of the problem.

I thought the framing and general tone of the article was disappointing however, insofar as it doesn't really call out the real culprit(s) in this case/others like it, i.e the abusive male partner, and the patriarchal, sexist misogynist society/discourses/norms which exist in the UK to enable/encourage such abysmal behaviour by abusive men. Hardly surprising from BBC news though. It's an awful organisation.

I feel like fabswingers.com could improve by taking some simple steps like having some safety advice about consent/safe-meeting best practice, and how to know when one is being bullied etc, displayed prominently on the website, and displaying some helpline numbers.

Really though it's nasty men who need to make the big changes, which is something we can all play a part in by challenging misogyny and sexism whenever we spot it in ourselves, in others or in wider culture and society."

Totally agree!

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By *esparate danMan
2 weeks ago

glasgow


"Hi all..

The BBC article may be difficult reading for some members who have experienced coercion or abuse.

Unfotunately, abusive individuals can exploit any environment, including swinging, to exercise coercive control over a partner.

It challenges us to think about the difference between someone appearing willing and someone genuinely wanting to be there.

I hope this doesn't lead to unfair stigma against the wider swinging community. The vast majority of people value consent, respect, and mutual enjoyment. Perhaps the best response is not defensiveness, but continuing to promote a culture where everyone involved feels empowered to say yes, say no, or change their mind at any point.

But here are the important questions to ask ourselves:

Does everyone involved seem genuinely engaged and comfortable?

Is each person able to communicate independently?

Are we checking in throughout the encounter, rather than relying on assumptions made beforehand?

Would we feel confident walking away if something didn't feel right?

I hope we all read the article.

https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/c87q7g48y4po

Share your thoughts please.

"

Those are reasonable concerns for a 'consumer' of hotwives

But i think there could be more scrutiny on the men in couples profiles where the emphasis is on his rules or her doing anything shes told

Is that simply his kink? A need for power and control

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By *ildkinkysnobWoman
2 weeks ago

Swansea

Absolutely horrific to read, sadly I've heard on many occasions women being pressured into this by husbands/partners, there's lots of little signs that will indicate this to look out for that men try and mask as kinks, ie rules that the male has decided and control of whats happening, we're female lead in every single way and I make all my own decisions, as it should be x

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