FabSwingers.com forum: Do women message first?

By *inger_80 OP Man
over a year ago

Merthyr Vale

I’ve always wondered, do women message men/couples etc first or is the tendency to wait for the man to message? Might just be me but I can’t say I’ve come across the latter

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’ve always wondered, do women message men/couples etc first or is the tendency to wait for the man to message? Might just be me but I can’t say I’ve come across the latter "

It’s rare but I have done. Found my fwb that way after spotting his verification on the updates. Popped him a message, two months later and we are meeting around 4 times a week. Well worth it to reach out First Ladies

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By *aby-girl and bCouple
over a year ago

Bridgend

"I’ve always wondered, do women message men/couples etc first or is the tendency to wait for the man to message? Might just be me but I can’t say I’ve come across the latter "
yeh women message first sometimes not often but there r a few that have

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By *aby-girl and bCouple
over a year ago

Bridgend

"I’ve always wondered, do women message men/couples etc first or is the tendency to wait for the man to message? Might just be me but I can’t say I’ve come across the latter

"
definitely agree

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've never received a first message

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By *avrick180Man
over a year ago

Pontypool

Never received a message from a woman first but then when I send one never or mostly never get a reply back

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It would be nice if they did this more. I’ve never searched for men but I’m guessing we outnumber the ladies by a considerable amount. It’s 2023 ladies he he x

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By *ory_xWoman
over a year ago

42 Wallaby Way Syndey

Very very rarely have I messaged first. Then again, I'm not waiting around for messages either. Ive found socials a better way of communicating.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can’t say a woman has messaged first but it is very rare a woman. Dose message first

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By *aby-girl and bCouple
over a year ago

Bridgend

"Very very rarely have I messaged first. Then again, I'm not waiting around for messages either. Ive found socials a better way of communicating."
agree socials are better and more fun communicating

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Still awaiting a first message haha

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By *avrick180Man
over a year ago

Pontypool

"Very very rarely have I messaged first. Then again, I'm not waiting around for messages either. Ive found socials a better way of communicating.agree socials are better and more fun communicating "
I would say that but sometimes you go and find it hard to get anyone to talk to you if ur a single man as iv had that experience happen to me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve never messaged a guy first. 99% of the profiles don’t have a public face pic (which is fine) and I only know I’m attracted to someone if I’ve seen their face.

So unless I get sent an opening message with a face pic, I just don’t bother.

I also won’t meet up with any guy that’s not willing to at least try and go to a social. They tend to be the ones who treat fab like a “free-for-all fuckfest” and think they’re entitled to get you on your back

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By *inger_80 OP Man
over a year ago

Merthyr Vale

Savage as always lmao

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By *wanseapaulMan
over a year ago

Swansea

Had one lady message first, then we met, several times. I was her first fab meet as well.

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By *ory_xWoman
over a year ago

42 Wallaby Way Syndey

"I’ve never messaged a guy first. 99% of the profiles don’t have a public face pic (which is fine) and I only know I’m attracted to someone if I’ve seen their face.

So unless I get sent an opening message with a face pic, I just don’t bother.

Exactly

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I message first if someone's profile has caught my eye.

Most profiles don't have enough info so nothing to intrigue or interest me.

Guys need to make more effort to have an interesting profile.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh and the profiles with a silhouette - boring and I'll skip by

any photo will do,

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By *urvywelshcougarWoman
over a year ago

Cardiff

"I’ve never messaged a guy first. 99% of the profiles don’t have a public face pic (which is fine) and I only know I’m attracted to someone if I’ve seen their face.

So unless I get sent an opening message with a face pic, I just don’t bother.

Exactly this, however i have messaged first on occasion, but rare.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Probably about 5 times max

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I do rarely.

If say 1000 people have messaged me, I was the initiator in about 10 of those conversations at most.

I tend to think and peruse a lot before hitting that message button. Quality not quantity.

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By *ory_xWoman
over a year ago

42 Wallaby Way Syndey

I definitely wouldnt message any account with no profile pic (or reply), if they have a poor bio and if all the pics are their cock as this shows they have no imagination and wont make any effort on a meet.

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By *ilyandronCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

Not often enough for our liking

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By *almprintsWoman
over a year ago

deepest, darkest West

I will if someone appears interesting.

However, like others have mentioned, lack of bio, pics or veris usually won't get a response.

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By *eard and TattsCouple
over a year ago

Cwmbran

If I find someone I like I will message 1st but not that often tatts x I have messaged a few females but never had a reply so obviously went interested

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By *heoriginalCJMan
over a year ago

mystic valley

I get messages off women first, but It's mostly due to how much I go to socials and clubs that I get recognised

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By *3xymamaWoman
over a year ago

Uptown Top Ranking

"I’ve never messaged a guy first. 99% of the profiles don’t have a public face pic (which is fine) and I only know I’m attracted to someone if I’ve seen their face.

So unless I get sent an opening message with a face pic, I just don’t bother.

^^ This exactly ^^

Although I have messaged first if I see something I really like

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By *ighugs69Man
over a year ago

Port Talbot

Yes they do, I've received them. Nowhere near the number I get from men trying it on but I've had a few.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I tend to message guys if I read something I like, on an update, forum post etc but I'm more a fan of the cheeky wink X

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By *A11EYS DO66ERMan
over a year ago

Blaenau-gwent

I've had the odd one message me , ( mind you some were very bloody odd LOL )

Reason I don't have a profile pic is my Job , that comes first .

However I'll send a face pic in DMs etc

I give & expect discretion.

Maybe I should give the socials a try

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By *orphia2003Woman
over a year ago

Tonypandy.

I do, if I feel.like

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By *leasure-QueenWoman
over a year ago

The twilight zone

I’ve messaged first maybe a handful of times. Sometimes just to answer a status asking a question. I’ve only ever messaged twice because I was interested in someone.

One of those is still a good friend after 4 years.

I prefer meeting in groups socials, like many others

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By *wcouple 100Couple
over a year ago

Bridgend

I think people forget there are probably 100 men for each single woman on this site. I think you get more messages as a couple from other couples, but single women really don't need to chase after men !

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By *wholeLotOfRosieWoman
over a year ago

Pontypridd

I have twice. One I crashed and burned, the other was a huge success and still a friend

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By *heExcommMan
over a year ago

Llantrisant

Yes. I sometimes, although rare, do get a single woman or couple messaging me first

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By *orben dallas 52Man
over a year ago

llantwit major

More likely to get a pm from the pope.

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By *heHookyMonsterMan
20 weeks ago

Liverpool

No, they don't. It's an incredibly rare thing and is one of the biggest problems with Fab.

Women know they need make no effort whatsoever, so they don't. The forums are rightly full of complaints about the disgusting approach of a good proportion of men. No woman deserves to receive that kind of thing. On the other hand if women actually took the time to search out guys with excellent reputations and actually message them, the way Fab works could be changed positively for good. The bad guys would then know they needed to change their attitude to gain success, dramatically slowing down the vile messages they send. Maybe take the time spent typing about the bad things in the forums and spend it looking for good guys to message instead? Would hopefully kill off the bad guys approaches if they knew that the respectful ones were having loads of success.

Sadly it'll never happen.

At present really good guys see equally empty levels of response to those who behave badly, so end up not bothering to put the effort in and leave.

There's absolutely no good reason for women not to make an effort. They could have absolute control in really positive ways if that happened.

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By (user no longer on site)
20 weeks ago

I have happily messaged some men first, if it’s a picture or a status that’s caught my eye.

Just as it’s unfair to say all men here an empty skulls that just think with their dicks, it’s also totally unfair to say all women don’t make an effort.

There are both and we thrive on variety.

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By *orphia2003Woman
20 weeks ago

Tonypandy.

I've messaged many people first.

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By *heHookyMonsterMan
20 weeks ago

Liverpool

"I have happily messaged some men first, if it’s a picture or a status that’s caught my eye.

Just as it’s unfair to say all men here an empty skulls that just think with their dicks, it’s also totally unfair to say all women don’t make an effort.

There are both and we thrive on variety. "

Bravo! We need more of this! Would help control the narrative of men sending terrible messages, with the (hopefully) added bonus of the worthy guys getting noticed.

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By *heHookyMonsterMan
20 weeks ago

Liverpool

"I've messaged many people first."

Quite a rarity I'd suspect! Good on you though!

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By *eroLondonMan
20 weeks ago

Mayfair

Aside from reciprocal messages between forum-dwellers on here - mostly women I'll admit - I've only sent a handful of 'first contact' messages in the last 3 years.

My socials, trysts and dalliances have been on the back of women sending the first message.

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By (user no longer on site)
20 weeks ago

I've never had a woman message me first

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By *elshdragon900Woman
20 weeks ago

Swansea

Absolutely, I know what I’m looking for and if there’s a profile I like, profile pic, classy photos and made an effort with the profile, I usually wink first!!! And 99% I get a message back 😉😉

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By *heHookyMonsterMan
20 weeks ago

Liverpool

"Absolutely, I know what I’m looking for and if there’s a profile I like, profile pic, classy photos and made an effort with the profile, I usually wink first!!! And 99% I get a message back 😉😉"

It's genuinely nice to know some women do bother!

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By *ommy2125Man
20 weeks ago

newport

I've had messages from women first, often it's been a result of forum activity although have had messages just because they liked a part of my profile. I find the more active I am with updates and forums the more attention I attract and therfore winks and messages.

As a ratio though I definitely have to message a lot more first than I receive and of course it's all down to attraction, lots of women I like aren't looking for my attributes. And the fact is men out weigh women here a hundred fold so being noticed can be harder.

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By *unnyHoursMan
20 weeks ago

Bridgend

I wish women would message first sometimes as it gives recognition of their intent to interact with someone, rather than being hounded with 1,000s of messages sent from every man here instead. Personal choice of course but it would make sense sometimes.

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By *heHookyMonsterMan
20 weeks ago

Liverpool

"I wish women would message first sometimes as it gives recognition of their intent to interact with someone, rather than being hounded with 1,000s of messages sent from every man here instead. Personal choice of course but it would make sense sometimes."

Makes a very fair point.

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By *neoff2024Man
20 weeks ago

Sharoe Green

Message? What is this witchcraft you talk of?

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By (user no longer on site)
20 weeks ago

The culture here (and elsewhere) is that men message first - 95% of the time.

If I play 'Devil's Advocate' - I understand why. If a lady receives 100's of messages, they can select whom to contact from there - knowing that they can safely assume that the original sender (man) is interested.

Why would they risk messaging first and being rejected... when they have a full inbox of men (good and bad) to choose from?

However, I've received first messages from ladies recently - so it can happen!

Which is doubly helpful to me - as I RARELY message first; partly because of the aforementioned, and also because I prefer to meet others at socials, munches, and even clubs.

FAO ladies: be the change you want to see in the community. Be the hunter... not the hunted!

Josh x

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By *heHookyMonsterMan
20 weeks ago

Liverpool

"The culture here (and elsewhere) is that men message first - 95% of the time.

Why would they risk messaging first and being rejected... when they have a full inbox of men (good and bad) to choose from?

However, I've received first messages from ladies recently - so it can happen!

Which is doubly helpful to me - as I RARELY message first; partly because of the aforementioned, and also because I prefer to meet others at socials, munches, and even clubs.

FAO ladies: be the change you want to see in the community. Be the hunter... not the hunted!

Josh x"

All true!

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By *exy shenanigansWoman
20 weeks ago

Cardiff

If I'm browsing and see a profile I like, I have no problem messaging first. It's no different to going upto someone in a club. Just because I message doesn't mean 'lets have sex.' More so, 'hmmmmm let's see if you're the type of guy I want to have sex with.'

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By (user no longer on site)
20 weeks ago

"I’ve always wondered, do women message men/couples etc first or is the tendency to wait for the man to message? Might just be me but I can’t say I’ve come across the latter "
so many entitled women on this site ..its so unfair for men to chase and they know this so you it as an advantage

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By *eggieMarshmallowWoman
20 weeks ago

Cardiff

I have messaged a few men first but having an inbox full half the time makes me feel bad for doing that sometimes, I notice that a few of the men (NOT ALL) in this thread and on fab complaining about not being messaged first have put absolutely 0 effort into their bio and profile in general, it's hardly surprising because contrary to popular belief, a lot of women do actually read people's bios and are interested in how someone has tried to present themselves

And, of the people I've messaged first, only one or two have actually made the effort to talk to me after and I've had a fair few rejections too. And I think it's great that that's happened, fab needs more honesty

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By *3xymamaWoman
20 weeks ago

Uptown Top Ranking

"If I'm browsing and see a profile I like, I have no problem messaging first. It's no different to going upto someone in a club. Just because I message doesn't mean 'lets have sex.' More so, 'hmmmmm let's see if you're the type of guy I want to have sex with.'"

^^^ exactly this ^^^

I have messaged first if I've seen or read something I like on a profile

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By *leep walkerMan
20 weeks ago

Caerphilly

I've had 1st messages from single women and couples. It's not something that happens regularly but it does happen now and again, which is nice

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By *exySiren01Woman
20 weeks ago

RCT

If I like something I see I've happily messaged first

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By (user no longer on site)
20 weeks ago

"I’ve always wondered, do women message men/couples etc first or is the tendency to wait for the man to message? Might just be me but I can’t say I’ve come across the latter "

Well I’d have said no generally, but occasionally it happens and when it does it’s usually an amazing experience. The only time it isn’t, is when it’s a profit making thing or a fake profile staging a wind up.

I’ve just had the ridiculous good luck of this happening and the last couple of weeks have been the best time in all our years of swinging. It’s pure gold when it does happen.

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