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The importance (or not) of socials.. Time wasters and tirekickers

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By *affaandtaffy OP   Couple
over a year ago

Barry

Hi all. We have been here a while now and have met some lovely, and not so lovely people.

We are always open in that we must have some kind of social interaction before playing. Though whether that's a quick drink on the night or protracted build up depends on the people involved.

Why is it that so many engage? Sometimes for a week or even months, and never actually follow through with a physical meet?

We are coming to the conclusion that clubs are the only way to actually have face to face interaction in order to see if attraction is there.

Hoping to read what others think and maybe even find like minded couples or single ladies who would like to engage with us.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm with you here, I like the social part of it, mainly for me because I like meeting and chatting to people.

Hope it works out for you guys

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By *carlett CumslutWoman
over a year ago

cardiff

Most people on here these days think fab is just a sex site. Not many understand that’s not all it is, like you said it’s the social side, the chemistry built then maybe then it leads to sex. BC (before covid) there were a lot more people who wanted that connection, now it’s just people thinking everyone owes them a free but of fun at the click of their fingers

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By *elshdevil70Man
over a year ago

Swansea

Another reason in regards to the time wasters on here is that many of the 'couples' profiles are actually single guys and when asked to meet they can't bluff their way out of the situation do either ghost or just don't turn up etc..

And many of the 'single ' names on here aren't single and can only meet if they have brief periods when they can escape from their partners .. wellbin my humble opinion

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By *almprintsWoman
over a year ago

deepest, darkest West

Sometimes though, life genuinely geta on the way. I met loads of sexy peeps back in early summer with the full intention of meeting up again. Then my mother moved in to my house for 4 months! Even the best intentions can't surmount that level of judgement and scrutiny

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By *andering Welsh GuyMan
over a year ago

All over the place

From my experience I think you all are correct, indeed for many it has become more of a sex than singers site.

Also there seems to be an increase in time wasters, fake profiles, and people who have zero intention of meeting.

I've been on and off for about ten years and something improve and something get worse.

I think if you take things with a pinch of salt you can be OK.

My homelife means I struggle to meet much but can still appreciate the site

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By *aughtyandNicecplCouple
over a year ago

south wales

We have had a very similar experience and for us as the social element is almost more important than the play side of it for us.

Meeting new people, having drinks and getting to see if we all click is really important to us so it has been hard to find people that are similar to us and chats often don’t lead anywhere.

We have made some really good friends on here but almost all of them have been from club meets so we have definitely found that’s been the easier way to arrange meets.

I think getting meets set up around work/family commitments have definitely played a part in it as well though and that has been difficult so that’s probably why clubs have been better options for us.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For many the flirting is something to do when you're bored to pass the time, or the fantasy is enough for them.

Keep persisting, the good ones are on here, just gotta find them.

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By *ord and LilliaCouple
over a year ago

Newport

We have lost a lot of faith in the site's community ourselves. We tend to only interact with the people whom we have met already at the organised socials or by chance in the clubs.

As for the 'why people do it', there are a million reasons why. Most boil down to the need to be validated. To feel attractive to someone else, to feel important enough to have someone else engage with conversation with them. To be potentially worth meeting. These things are usually all that the individual/couple need in that moment and once that box is ticked, off they poof....

We are guilty of the same thing though. We find since we have become a 'proper' couple and got engaged and basically live together, we are both struggling to keep up with our respective friends (and even families!) in the vanilla world let alone the swinging community. But unlike the vast majority of others who could fit in the category the OP mentions, we prefer to not abuse other people like that for our needs. Not everyone is even aware they are behaving that way though.

We are probably doing something wrong, and we apologise to people who are our friends who feel that way about us who we have let down, but needing a distraction is a thing and, for a lot of people for a very long time, Fab has been that distraction. Disposable interest. Disposable sex. Isn't that the common misconception about what swinging is?

Hang in there OP, you'll have some luck soon enough

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By *ornywelsh2sumCouple
over a year ago

Neath valley.


"We have lost a lot of faith in the site's community ourselves. We tend to only interact with the people whom we have met already at the organised socials or by chance in the clubs.

As for the 'why people do it', there are a million reasons why. Most boil down to the need to be validated. To feel attractive to someone else, to feel important enough to have someone else engage with conversation with them. To be potentially worth meeting. These things are usually all that the individual/couple need in that moment and once that box is ticked, off they poof....

We are guilty of the same thing though. We find since we have become a 'proper' couple and got engaged and basically live together, we are both struggling to keep up with our respective friends (and even families!) in the vanilla world let alone the swinging community. But unlike the vast majority of others who could fit in the category the OP mentions, we prefer to not abuse other people like that for our needs. Not everyone is even aware they are behaving that way though.

We are probably doing something wrong, and we apologise to people who are our friends who feel that way about us who we have let down, but needing a distraction is a thing and, for a lot of people for a very long time, Fab has been that distraction. Disposable interest. Disposable sex. Isn't that the common misconception about what swinging is?

Hang in there OP, you'll have some luck soon enough "

Very much spot on. We find the same. Sometimes babysitter lets us down or family matters get in the way. We get to socials when we can and have been to Chams in newport several times so socialising we enjoy as much as meeting again to play with the cpls we connected with very well. Infact over christmas we have two play meets planned with two cpls we are now very good friends with. Time is at a premium when you have a young family like we do so meets have to be planned very well in advance or we would play with cpls we already know well at chams. Joanne.

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By *affaandtaffy OP   Couple
over a year ago

Barry

Very interesting comments thank you all please keep them coming will respond individually tomorrow

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just my thoughts, and I don't think there's a right or wrong answer here:

We all enjoy the attention, engagement and excitement of chatting to new people on here? It's part of thrill in addition to any subsequent meet, but it's naive to think that arranging a meet on Fab is straightforward?

So many factors to coordinate like, moods, schedules,locations etc and even if you can coordinate all those, on the day you may just lose your mojo and going through the motions would be disastrous?

I don't think it's lack of respect or interest, just sometimes things get impossible. It's worth a little patience and being accommodating with others.

I tend to break away, when I get lots of one word replies as it feels like it's a one way show and I like to maintain a little dignity.

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By *adyinred696969Couple
over a year ago

Brecon

We find the larger organised socials are easier. Finding time for individual socials at the moment is pretty much impossible due to circumstances, so we let people who we are interested in know when we are attending the socials, and hope they can make it. Sometimes its great, and we make a few new friends, sometimes we end up just touching base with old friends, but its still a good night out.

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By *elshcouple18Couple
over a year ago

Cardiff

We are into our 3rd year on here, chatted and met with some lovely couples, single men and ladies, also chatted to many who are all up for meeting, but when dates are set, don't hear from them again. That will never change. Also, look st the frequency of the meets you put up, that'll put a lot of people off. And if we are truthful, us being one of those. We very rarely put meets up ourselves..

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By *oursweetCouple
over a year ago

South Wales

I think the way to go probably is clubs as we arrange socials or only mention them in a message then the people disappear.

For us the social side to make sure everyone clicks first is a huge importance to us. There are so many time wasters in here, females who are actually men and Couples who when we send couple face pics too Accuse us of lying which baffles us. Starting to lose faith in this site

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By *affaandtaffy OP   Couple
over a year ago

Barry


"I'm with you here, I like the social part of it, mainly for me because I like meeting and chatting to people.

Hope it works out for you guys

"

Thank you Mark, good luck to you also

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By *affaandtaffy OP   Couple
over a year ago

Barry


"I'm with you here, I like the social part of it, mainly for me because I like meeting and chatting to people.

Hope it works out for you guys

"

Yeah, sadly we've had some very disrespectful and / or very crude comments..even face to face at clubs.. I guess it's just the nature of the game eh. Not for the feint hearted

..

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By *affaandtaffy OP   Couple
over a year ago

Barry


"Most people on here these days think fab is just a sex site. Not many understand that’s not all it is, like you said it’s the social side, the chemistry built then maybe then it leads to sex. BC (before covid) there were a lot more people who wanted that connection, now it’s just people thinking everyone owes them a free but of fun at the click of their fingers"

Yeah that also makes some sense. We are beginning to question whether some have found a way around the photo verification system here. And so many have been on the site for 'over a year' without the veri.. what's all that about? Are we just naieve?

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By *affaandtaffy OP   Couple
over a year ago

Barry


"Sometimes though, life genuinely geta on the way. I met loads of sexy peeps back in early summer with the full intention of meeting up again. Then my mother moved in to my house for 4 months! Even the best intentions can't surmount that level of judgement and scrutiny "

Thank you I think the key here is communication. Circumstances change and I think most people get that. But in the cases we are talking about folks just vanish last minute, or come up with some (clearly)lame excuse

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By *affaandtaffy OP   Couple
over a year ago

Barry


"From my experience I think you all are correct, indeed for many it has become more of a sex than singers site.

Also there seems to be an increase in time wasters, fake profiles, and people who have zero intention of meeting.

I've been on and off for about ten years and something improve and something get worse.

I think if you take things with a pinch of salt you can be OK.

My homelife means I struggle to meet much but can still appreciate the site"

Pinch of salt.. absolutely

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By *affaandtaffy OP   Couple
over a year ago

Barry


"We have had a very similar experience and for us as the social element is almost more important than the play side of it for us.

Meeting new people, having drinks and getting to see if we all click is really important to us so it has been hard to find people that are similar to us and chats often don’t lead anywhere.

We have made some really good friends on here but almost all of them have been from club meets so we have definitely found that’s been the easier way to arrange meets.

I think getting meets set up around work/family commitments have definitely played a part in it as well though and that has been difficult so that’s probably why clubs have been better options for us. "

Yeah.. well put that's exactly where we are

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By *affaandtaffy OP   Couple
over a year ago

Barry


"For many the flirting is something to do when you're bored to pass the time, or the fantasy is enough for them.

Keep persisting, the good ones are on here, just gotta find them."

Yes I think some here do just play along and enjoy dangling the carrot..

I think that's sad though. At the end of the day it's wasting peoples time. We have planned meets and turned down other offers because we have made a comittment, only to be let down

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By *affaandtaffy OP   Couple
over a year ago

Barry


"We have lost a lot of faith in the site's community ourselves. We tend to only interact with the people whom we have met already at the organised socials or by chance in the clubs.

As for the 'why people do it', there are a million reasons why. Most boil down to the need to be validated. To feel attractive to someone else, to feel important enough to have someone else engage with conversation with them. To be potentially worth meeting. These things are usually all that the individual/couple need in that moment and once that box is ticked, off they poof....

We are guilty of the same thing though. We find since we have become a 'proper' couple and got engaged and basically live together, we are both struggling to keep up with our respective friends (and even families!) in the vanilla world let alone the swinging community. But unlike the vast majority of others who could fit in the category the OP mentions, we prefer to not abuse other people like that for our needs. Not everyone is even aware they are behaving that way though.

We are probably doing something wrong, and we apologise to people who are our friends who feel that way about us who we have let down, but needing a distraction is a thing and, for a lot of people for a very long time, Fab has been that distraction. Disposable interest. Disposable sex. Isn't that the common misconception about what swinging is?

Hang in there OP, you'll have some luck soon enough "

Very profound. And as others have aaid I think you've hit the nail on the head.

Though I don't think you have anything to apologise for.

If there was such a thing as fab etiquette I think you'd have it

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By *affaandtaffy OP   Couple
over a year ago

Barry


"We have lost a lot of faith in the site's community ourselves. We tend to only interact with the people whom we have met already at the organised socials or by chance in the clubs.

As for the 'why people do it', there are a million reasons why. Most boil down to the need to be validated. To feel attractive to someone else, to feel important enough to have someone else engage with conversation with them. To be potentially worth meeting. These things are usually all that the individual/couple need in that moment and once that box is ticked, off they poof....

We are guilty of the same thing though. We find since we have become a 'proper' couple and got engaged and basically live together, we are both struggling to keep up with our respective friends (and even families!) in the vanilla world let alone the swinging community. But unlike the vast majority of others who could fit in the category the OP mentions, we prefer to not abuse other people like that for our needs. Not everyone is even aware they are behaving that way though.

We are probably doing something wrong, and we apologise to people who are our friends who feel that way about us who we have let down, but needing a distraction is a thing and, for a lot of people for a very long time, Fab has been that distraction. Disposable interest. Disposable sex. Isn't that the common misconception about what swinging is?

Hang in there OP, you'll have some luck soon enough

Very much spot on. We find the same. Sometimes babysitter lets us down or family matters get in the way. We get to socials when we can and have been to Chams in newport several times so socialising we enjoy as much as meeting again to play with the cpls we connected with very well. Infact over christmas we have two play meets planned with two cpls we are now very good friends with. Time is at a premium when you have a young family like we do so meets have to be planned very well in advance or we would play with cpls we already know well at chams. Joanne. "

Yeah.. same page again Joanne

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By *affaandtaffy OP   Couple
over a year ago

Barry


" Just my thoughts, and I don't think there's a right or wrong answer here:

We all enjoy the attention, engagement and excitement of chatting to new people on here? It's part of thrill in addition to any subsequent meet, but it's naive to think that arranging a meet on Fab is straightforward?

So many factors to coordinate like, moods, schedules,locations etc and even if you can coordinate all those, on the day you may just lose your mojo and going through the motions would be disastrous?

I don't think it's lack of respect or interest, just sometimes things get impossible. It's worth a little patience and being accommodating with others.

I tend to break away, when I get lots of one word replies as it feels like it's a one way show and I like to maintain a little dignity."

Yeah, mostly agree. Though we think we really try hard to accommodate others. We have commitments of our own so totally get your comments and how things need to be finely balanced. Our point though is just be honest about it, don't string people along.. we sat down last night and we reckon we probably only meet maybe 1 in 20 people where there appears an equal interest. We think mostly it's because we insist on meeting socially before anything else is considered.

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By *affaandtaffy OP   Couple
over a year ago

Barry


"We find the larger organised socials are easier. Finding time for individual socials at the moment is pretty much impossible due to circumstances, so we let people who we are interested in know when we are attending the socials, and hope they can make it. Sometimes its great, and we make a few new friends, sometimes we end up just touching base with old friends, but its still a good night out."

Yeah that's a good approach.

Sadly we find nearly all the socials in our area are held on weekends when we aren't together because of child commitments.

I think maybe there are a lot of people with shared custody of children who find themselves unable to do this as custody is every other weekend.

We also found out at Chams last week there is an event the last friday of every month.. we cannot make any until there's a five week month.

Please organisers can you consider more random social events?

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By *affaandtaffy OP   Couple
over a year ago

Barry


"We find the larger organised socials are easier. Finding time for individual socials at the moment is pretty much impossible due to circumstances, so we let people who we are interested in know when we are attending the socials, and hope they can make it. Sometimes its great, and we make a few new friends, sometimes we end up just touching base with old friends, but its still a good night out."

Hi guys, thank you for the advice.

We get the frequency thing I guess because we mostly get together every other weekend our options are limited. And because of the frustrating situation we find ourselves in (mentioned at length here lol) we have thought that it's simply a numbers game : offer a meet on Thurs, Friday or Saturday and hope that someone actually takes us up on it. Again we genuinely think it's because we insist on some kind of social that we rarely meet anyone. I think there's been 5 meets in 7 months, 3 of which did actually end up with same night play. Though in all cases we were crystal clear that there was no obligation on either side.

In terms of fuck and fuck off offers we've had plenty- but thats not for us and we politely say so. We'd just hope for a little more openness from those who have messed us around.

Ps. As you know We'd love to meet you guys

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By *affaandtaffy OP   Couple
over a year ago

Barry


"I think the way to go probably is clubs as we arrange socials or only mention them in a message then the people disappear.

For us the social side to make sure everyone clicks first is a huge importance to us. There are so many time wasters in here, females who are actually men and Couples who when we send couple face pics too Accuse us of lying which baffles us. Starting to lose faith in this site "

Thank you both. We haven't experienced the lying thing, that's weird.

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By *affaandtaffy OP   Couple
over a year ago

Barry

Phew.. my bath has gone cold typing all that..thanks again guys for all the comments. We will be amending our approach I'm sure..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree, we enjoy the socialising first ) although we are new) it breaks the ice and not just wanting to meet for a bunk up. If anyone is up for a social tomorrow somewhere the football is not on, count us in ?? so long as it’s near Swansea x

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By *affaandtaffy OP   Couple
over a year ago

Barry


"I agree, we enjoy the socialising first ) although we are new) it breaks the ice and not just wanting to meet for a bunk up. If anyone is up for a social tomorrow somewhere the football is not on, count us in ?? so long as it’s near Swansea x"

So glad we started this thread..if Saffa wasnt on a flight to South Africa tomorrow evening we'd be up for that. Maybe when she gets back mid January

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By *ord and LilliaCouple
over a year ago

Newport


"Phew.. my bath has gone cold typing all that..thanks again guys for all the comments. We will be amending our approach I'm sure.."

You don't need to amend your approach. Just behave the way you want to, that feels like you and the rest will fall in to place in time.

The thing is that there is no 'right' way to do swinging 'properly'. But everyone has an opinion on it and everyone thinks theirs is right. It's just a numbers game until you find someone else who might be on the same wavelength as you/us/them.

For us, because time is limited, going for 'just a social' can feel like a waste of our time. We'd only arrange anything with anyone we haven't met before if we felt there was something we liked about their pics/profile. And so if we are that interested, we'd be thinking about more than a social. Catch us in the right mood sort of thing. We are ready to go, are you? And if only coffee is on offer, then we might prefer to make arrangements for more than coffee on that particular opportunity for us.

It's a minefield. Just do you, what you want to do, what you enjoy and eventually you will be fine. Trying to please others just ends up with a mouthful of salt. And not the fun tasting stuff .

-Lord

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By *ovetolick78Man
over a year ago

The Shire

From my personal experience on here, most people don't even want to talk on here let alone meet for a drink and a chat to see if there's chemistry, looking at a few pics is OK but you can't beet face to face to judge a person. Yes I've met some nice people here but most are just.... Well let's just say rude. Yes I understand certain people get unintaded with messages but manners cost nothing.

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By *affaandtaffy OP   Couple
over a year ago

Barry


"Phew.. my bath has gone cold typing all that..thanks again guys for all the comments. We will be amending our approach I'm sure..

You don't need to amend your approach. Just behave the way you want to, that feels like you and the rest will fall in to place in time.

The thing is that there is no 'right' way to do swinging 'properly'. But everyone has an opinion on it and everyone thinks theirs is right. It's just a numbers game until you find someone else who might be on the same wavelength as you/us/them.

For us, because time is limited, going for 'just a social' can feel like a waste of our time. We'd only arrange anything with anyone we haven't met before if we felt there was something we liked about their pics/profile. And so if we are that interested, we'd be thinking about more than a social. Catch us in the right mood sort of thing. We are ready to go, are you? And if only coffee is on offer, then we might prefer to make arrangements for more than coffee on that particular opportunity for us.

It's a minefield. Just do you, what you want to do, what you enjoy and eventually you will be fine. Trying to please others just ends up with a mouthful of salt. And not the fun tasting stuff .

-Lord"

Thank you

Perhaps tweaking is a better word.

I do like to get input from others in lots of lifes situations, and then consider if my approach to whatever can be improved.. Saffa similarly minded

Your point about social only is a very good one. And like you we only ask or accept one if we think there is a good chance something more will happen. I didn't really make that clear above the frustration was forrmost in my mind lol.

I guess we just don't want to be in a situation where we feel 'obliged' and then end up regretting it. We have done that once and learned from it..

Saffa is very much a people pleaser and is maybe not as able as me to simply give a polite no thanks if it's needed.. minefield indeed.

We do generally do our own thing though.

But it's good to maybe take some wisdom on board from others.

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By *affaandtaffy OP   Couple
over a year ago

Barry


"From my personal experience on here, most people don't even want to talk on here let alone meet for a drink and a chat to see if there's chemistry, looking at a few pics is OK but you can't beet face to face to judge a person. Yes I've met some nice people here but most are just.... Well let's just say rude. Yes I understand certain people get unintaded with messages but manners cost nothing. "

Indeed.. and here here

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By *ires_and_IceCouple
over a year ago

Over the Rainbow


"We find the larger organised socials are easier. Finding time for individual socials at the moment is pretty much impossible due to circumstances, so we let people who we are interested in know when we are attending the socials, and hope they can make it. Sometimes its great, and we make a few new friends, sometimes we end up just touching base with old friends, but its still a good night out."

This defo and also we are not everyone's cup. Of tea and they are not ours... Time is a massive thing also xx

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By *olf and RedCouple
over a year ago

Nr Cardiff or at Chams Darlaston

It does sometimes feel like a lot of effort organising socials. Wolf has been to a larger social today, I have a bad back so unfortunately I could not attend it. It is a good way to meet a variety of people at once.

We go to Chams too, more to Darlaston and that is definitely a good way to meet people, can just socialise or take it further if want to.

I have spoken to different people for a long time on here, and then on the day of the social - they let you down. Not even giving a reason. No idea why, maybe they are all about the chase, or they have told an untruth and realise it will come to light.

Red

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By * and R cple4Couple
over a year ago

swansea

We only meet people through group socials and clubs then we arrange a one on one social it eliminates all the time wasters and fantasists.

It’s a lot of hard work arranging meets on here with all the fake profiles so socials are important to us or we probably wouldn’t bother meeting new people.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When we was active we had some great meets from this site but as the years have past we ended only playing in clubs, we enjoyed making a weekend of it so we'd head off to a different area and have one night in a club and another sightseeing.

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By *affa CakesCouple
over a year ago

Tidworth Wiltshire

we like the social part of meeting, mainly meet now at clubs , Xtasia last weekend was so much fun.

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