FabSwingers.com forum: Shit jokes

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Need cheering up troops

Terrible jokes welcome

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *reeneyes72Man
over a year ago

aberdare

[Removed by poster at 10/10/21 19:56:19]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *reeneyes72Man
over a year ago

aberdare

[Removed by poster at 10/10/21 19:57:24]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *reeneyes72Man
over a year ago

aberdare

Third time trying

Why is sand Yellow?

Because the sea

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *lmond SkinMan
over a year ago

Wales

Give it to me give it to me!" she yelled. "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Doctor doctor,I feel like Tom Jones I can't stop singing his songs. Am I normal?

Well "it's not unusual" he replied

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eepinyou6969Man
over a year ago

Cwmbran

Bin man walks in to a Chinese an says where’s your bin?

Chinese man: I bin Hong Kong

Bin man: no where’s your wheelie bin?

Chinese man: I wheelie bin Hong Kong.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *nockknock40Man
over a year ago

watchet

How did Darth Vader know what Luke Skywalker was having for Xmas??

He felt his presents

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ackieSteveCouple
over a year ago

Newbridge

Shit jokes hey.

What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

I'll get my coat.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oby le roneMan
over a year ago

Treorchy

What's brown and sticky?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *athers123Man
over a year ago

Harpenden

[Removed by poster at 10/10/21 21:07:34]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oby le roneMan
over a year ago

Treorchy

I started a business building Yachts in my loft.

Sails are through the roof.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A woman walks past a pet shop on a Monday and in the window is a parrot.oh you u fat ugly cow he said, same thing happens tues/wed/thur/fri.

By now shes had enough and complains the pet shop owner.

"If it happens again I'm calling the police she said.

Next day the parrots in the window as she walks by,oi you he said, she said what .....

He replied YOU KNOW WHAT.

????????

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oby le roneMan
over a year ago

Treorchy

THE WIFE JUST CALLED ME A SEX MACHINE

HER ACTUAL WORDS WERE YOU'RE A FUCKING TOOL'. BUT I KNOW WHAT SHE MEANT.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Trying to sell my pet snake on ebay.

Guy messaged me and asked "how big it was?"

I said it's massive.

He replied "how many feet?"

I told him none... its a snake

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oby le roneMan
over a year ago

Treorchy

"Trying to sell my pet snake on ebay.

Guy messaged me and asked "how big it was?"

I said it's massive.

He replied "how many feet?"

I told him none... its a snake

Well Crocodiles can grow up to 15 feet.

But most have only four.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Paddy and Murphy digging a hole in the zoo and a lion escapes and heading straight for them.

Paddy hits the lion over the head with his shovel and shouts quick murph run.

Dopey murphy turns around and says ... you run first pad you hit him ??

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why did tigger look in the toilet???

To look for poo.....

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oby le roneMan
over a year ago

Treorchy

Why did spock stick his head into the toilet?

To get a look at the captain's log

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *udewhennudeMan
over a year ago

newport

Ok lofted from the Plebs.

Young Roman has a late night meet with a vestal virgin.

She : would you like to shag me in the vestibule.

he: no the vagina will do .

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My mate died of heartburn the other day !! Can’t believe Gav is gone

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *elshcouple18Couple
over a year ago

Cardiff

What's green, has six legs and if fell out of a tree it would Kill you

A snooker table. I'll get my coat!!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Fair play these are fucking dreadful

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *egabristolsCouple
over a year ago

penarth

What’s brown any runny?

Usain Bolt

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My best mate caught me licking his sisters fanny. It made the rest of her funeral really awkward.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do Donkeys get for lunch at Weston.

Half an hour.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My best mate caught me licking his sisters fanny. It made the rest of her funeral really awkward. "

Brilliant xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ffs is it normal that I laughed my arse off at these.

Terrible jokes are the funniest

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Ffs is it normal that I laughed my arse off at these.

Terrible jokes are the funniest

I know

They're better than actual funny jokes

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did you hear about the magic tractor?

It turned in to a field

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oody40Man
over a year ago

Port Talbot

"My best mate caught me licking his sisters fanny. It made the rest of her funeral really awkward. "

Best so far!!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oby le roneMan
over a year ago

Treorchy

What is made of leather and sounds like a sneeze?

A shoe

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"What is made of leather and sounds like a sneeze?

A shoe "

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why are dwarfs always laughing?

Cause the grass is tickling there balls

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oby le roneMan
over a year ago

Treorchy

I saw this bloke chatting-up a cheetah and I thought: ‘He’s trying to pull a fast one

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Should be on the stage Tobes honestly

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oby le roneMan
over a year ago

Treorchy

"Should be on the stage Tobes honestly

Made you laugh though didn't it

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Should be on the stage Tobes honestly

Made you laugh though didn't it

It did, they all did tbf

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oby le roneMan
over a year ago

Treorchy

"Should be on the stage Tobes honestly

Made you laugh though didn't it

It did, they all did tbf "

Good, and as you well know I'm always at the end of a message to cheer up my mate

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ussy_whisperer2020Woman
over a year ago

cardiff

What do you call a man with a spade in his head?

Doug

What do you call a man with a seagull on his head ?

Cliff

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the sea?

Bob

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rfcMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

Woman walks past a pet shop and spots a sign in the window

FANNY LICKING FRENCH FROG FOR SALE £10

So, as she hasn't seen any action for a while thinks, why not

Goes in and asks the gut begind the counter, 'can I see the fanny licking French frog please? '

Oui, mademoiselle

he replied

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rfcMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

Was sat at the pc the other night, missus walks in and asks 'what you upto on that then?'

'Just looking to buy flights' I replied

Well she went straight under the desk, pulled junior out and gave me the best bj in years, swallowed the lot n all, I really hadn't realised she liked darts soo much!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ohn.james123Man
over a year ago

carmarthen

What does a short sighted gynaecologist and a dog have in common?

A wet nose

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *isspurplechesterWoman
over a year ago

Chester

"Shit jokes hey.

What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

I'll get my coat."

This is literally the only joke I can ever remember and drive the kids nuts with it

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *elshman1967 99Man
over a year ago

The Shire

1 armed waiters

they can take it but they can't dish it out

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oby le roneMan
over a year ago

Treorchy

What is the difference between Jam and marmalade?

You can't marmalade your dick up your girlfriend's arse!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *um2020Man
over a year ago

Lampeter

Why did the semen cross the road?

Because I wore the wrong socks today.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *um2020Man
over a year ago

Lampeter

What do women and noodles have in common?

They both wiggle when you eat them..

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thos thread is going down hill fast

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

This**

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *p68Man
over a year ago

Belper

Why don’t cannibals eat clowns ??

Because they taste funny ??

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's green and smells of pork?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What's green and smells of pork?"

Kermit's finger!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *wtchyman78Man
over a year ago

Llantrisant

What do you do when your cat's dead? Play with the neighbor's pussy instead.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *arrapsMan
over a year ago

port talbot

A vampire flew back to his roost with his mouth and nose all bloody, his mates go wild and ask him where he got it from and would he show them.

So off they flew, over the hill, across the stream and onto the edge of the forest, see that dark tree over there he said, they all nodded and he said well I fucken didn’t

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oby le roneMan
over a year ago

Treorchy

What's long and hard and makes women groan?

An Ironing Board

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *abmale7979Man
over a year ago

Treorchy

What did the the drummer call his twin daughters?

Anna one, Anna two!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *abmale7979Man
over a year ago

Treorchy

How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My wife said to me enough is enough now you need to sell all your Beatles memorabilia on eBay. I said darling there’s no way I’m doing that. Imagine all the PayPal.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *azylivingMan
over a year ago

random location

"Need cheering up troops

Terrible jokes welcome

I think the brown n sticky jokes been done to death

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ischi3fMan
over a year ago

Atlantic Wharf

What do you call a ghost boobies?

Paranormal entitties

######################

What do you call a bullet proof Irish man?

Rick O'Shea

################################

How does the Rock pee?

he Dwaynes his Johnson!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oby le roneMan
over a year ago

Treorchy

"Need cheering up troops

Terrible jokes welcome

I think the brown n sticky jokes been done to death

Yeah but when you ask it and they go

oh a stick. You say No, shit!

Gets them every time

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *azylivingMan
over a year ago

random location

"What do you call a ghost boobies?

Paranormal entitties

######################

What do you call a bullet proof Irish man?

Rick O'Shea

################################

How does the Rock pee?

he Dwaynes his Johnson!"

Literally spat out my tea laughing at the Dwayne Johnson!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *azylivingMan
over a year ago

random location

"Need cheering up troops

Terrible jokes welcome

I think the brown n sticky jokes been done to death

Yeah but when you ask it and they go

oh a stick. You say No, shit!

Gets them every time

What’s brown & sticky?

A sticky brown shit!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oby le roneMan
over a year ago

Treorchy

"Need cheering up troops

Terrible jokes welcome

I think the brown n sticky jokes been done to death

Yeah but when you ask it and they go

oh a stick. You say No, shit!

Gets them every time

What’s brown & sticky?

A sticky brown shit!

Exactamondo my friend

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Need cheering up troops

Terrible jokes welcome

I think the brown n sticky jokes been done to death

Yeah but when you ask it and they go

oh a stick. You say No, shit!

Gets them every time

What’s brown & sticky?

A sticky brown shit!

Exactamondo my friend

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *azylivingMan
over a year ago

random location

What’s the difference between Clint Eastwood and anal sex?

Clint Eastwood makes your day

Anal sex makes your hole week!

(Say it out loud for full effect)

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *elshcouple18Couple
over a year ago

Cardiff

Whats the difference between a circus and a brothel?

One is an array of cunning stunts.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ischi3fMan
over a year ago

Atlantic Wharf

[Removed by poster at 14/10/21 11:10:27]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ischi3fMan
over a year ago

Atlantic Wharf

"[Removed by poster at 14/10/21 11:10:27]"

This ones class

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ogerBottomsMan
over a year ago

Aberdare

I suggested to my wife that she should see a doctor about her Tourettes. She went. Doctor said she was fine. Turns out I really am a cunt and I should fuck right off.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *mily36CWoman
over a year ago

Bedford... (or anywhere beginning with B..!?)

Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ornyfuckers66Couple
over a year ago

fife

Why did the chicken cross the road …. Social distancing

Knock knock Whose there no one just a parcel

How do kill a circus Go for the juggler

Unemployment Arab Aza bin Fayed

Indian karaoke singer Gerupta Singh

Man walks into a bar Split his head

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *im ZeeMan
over a year ago

north staffs/cheshire

“So tell me Mr Bond, what is the best underwear”?

“Why shilk of coursh, never shatin”

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I love all these they're fucking terrible

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ogerBottomsMan
over a year ago

Aberdare

"“So tell me Mr Bond, what is the best underwear”?

“Why shilk of coursh, never shatin”

What time does Sean Connery get to Wimbledon? Tennish.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *orestguy28Man
over a year ago

Glos

Paddy is lying up in bed watching "Babe Station"

He phones the number at the bottom of the screen and the Babe says "Hello sexy and what can I do for you tonight?".

Paddy replies "Do you see that sofa you're lying on""Yes" she replies.

Paddy says "You wouldn't jump over the back of it and hide" "Sure sexy. But why". She says.

Paddy replies "Well it's just the wife's coming up the stairs and I can't find the fuckin remote. ????

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Dwarf shortage"

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *egabristolsCouple
over a year ago

penarth

Why did the one armed man cross the road?

To get to the second hand shop.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

my wife was trying to be sexy last night, she lay on the bed licking a lollypop then sliding it in and out of her fanny,so i said steady on love you`ll need that to take the kids cross the road in the morning

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you get if you cross a Hedgehog with an Owl?

A prick that stays up all night.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I drank some invisible ink by mistake,now I'm at casualty waiting to be seen

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *mily36CWoman
over a year ago

Bedford... (or anywhere beginning with B..!?)

Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?

Poor guy really needed some space!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I drank some invisible ink by mistake,now I'm at casualty waiting to be seen

God that's dreadful

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rfcMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

My wife says 'they're not wrinkles. They're laughter lines'

That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said about my scrotum

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rfcMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

Weather for tonight is described asmotown weather!

That's three degrees or four tops

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rfcMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

One day little Jonnys teacher says to him, “little Jonny, tell me a story with a moral in it.” Jonny replies, “there’s a horse and a chicken playing in a meadow, when the horse falls in quicksand. The horse shouts to the chicken, hurry up, hurry up go get the farmer to get me out of here!” Chicken runs back to the farm and the farmers no where to be seen. So he takes the BMW, backs it up to the quicksand, throws a rope to the horse and ties the other end round the bumper. Pulls the horse out and horse is eternally grateful. Couple of days later chicken falls in the same quicksand, and shouts out to the horse “hurry up, hurry up go get the farmer to get me out of here!” Horse thinks, hold on a sec I can stand over this quicksand. So stands over it and says to the chicken “grab hold of my penis!” So chicken grabs hold of horses penis and horse pulls him out.

Teacher says “that’s a great story Jonny but what’s the moral of the story?”

“The moral is,” Jonny says, “if you’re hung like a horse you don’t need a BMW to pick up chicks.”

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oby le roneMan
over a year ago

Treorchy

I used to date a girl with a lazy eye. Turns out she was seeing someone else the whole time.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oby le roneMan
over a year ago

Treorchy

I went to the doctors with hearing problems.

He said “Can u describe the symptoms?”

I said “Homers a fat bloke and Marge has blue hair

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oby le roneMan
over a year ago

Treorchy

Having a charity event for people that struggle to orgasm.

Let me know if you can’t come.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a bloke with no shins ? ………….. tony

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *he love catsCouple
over a year ago

South Wales

What's ET short for?

Because he got little legs. X

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *arcyDMan
over a year ago

Newport

In a recent survey six out of seven dwarfs said they weren’t happy ….

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rTongueMan
over a year ago

...

Someone asked where I was from. I told them ‘Milford haven’. They said ‘oh that’s Carmarthenshire right?’. I said ‘Pembrokeshire, close but no Sir Gar’

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Someone asked where I was from. I told them ‘Milford haven’. They said ‘oh that’s Carmarthenshire right?’. I said ‘Pembrokeshire, close but no Sir Gar’"

This is hilarious

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How long can you put a turkey in the freezer?

Put mine in last night and it’s dead now

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

what do you call a man with a seagull on his head?

cliff

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uv2kissMan
over a year ago

fenland

Young girl is desperate to use the bathroom but her dads in the bath, but she goes in and is fascinated to see her dads penis

She says Dad when I grow up will I get one of them ?

He says darling with what you have got, you can get hundreds

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uv2kissMan
over a year ago

fenland

A group of animals escape from the zoo but the car they escaped in has broken down.

After waiting a couple of hours for the AA a Penguin goes off for a stroll as he comes back the mechanic looks up from under the bonnet and says you have blown a Seal

The Penguin says no, i'm eating an ice cream

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Can't believe this thread is still going

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oby le roneMan
over a year ago

Treorchy

I just found out I’m colorblind. The news came out of the purple!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My best mate caught me licking his sisters fanny. It made the rest of her funeral really awkward. "

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *un Time FreddieMan
over a year ago

Neath

This is soo my joke!!!

Didn’t know anyone else found it as funny!!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *azylivingMan
over a year ago

random location

Why do women have orgasms?

Another excuse to moan!!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I just found out I’m colorblind. The news came out of the purple!

You fucking bewt like

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread