FabSwingers.com forum: The Nerves..

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

When I'm planning a meet the nerves are overwhelming; get really worried that they won't like me, I won't like them etc.. can anyone recommend ways to reduce the anxiety?

I know being pissed isn't a good look at all so I want to avoid drinking.

(Not 420 though, not my thing!)

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By *elshbuilder67Man
over a year ago

Aberdare

Most of us feel like that

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By *lease300Woman
over a year ago

merthyr

I put in my head I’m meeting a friend that settles me xxxx

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By *atKat-xoxWoman
over a year ago

Neath,united kingdom

Sounds daft but I find kalm tablets help x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Every one get these nerves. We just think it's a night out with people who have a "hobby" lol in common. Never approach it like it's going to go somewhere other than a drink or food.

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By *rgasmicFunCouple
over a year ago

Gwent

Tbh i think every one goes through it, mrs went though it every time days before didnt eat some times didnt sleep even a couple of drinks before, 5 mins into the meet every thing is good, use to think people know, they dont could be family a freind, its just a meet, if the is no attraction, then make your excuses and leave, we have all been there, have fun.??

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By *agertha73Couple
over a year ago

Cardiff

The people you meet are imperfect too, with their own worries and insecurities. As you say, don't be d*unk, but a drink or two, no harm in that

Him x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s natural to have some nerves before a meet. I’d always arrange a social first and make it clear beforehand that there are no expectations to play.

Sounds daft but if I got nervous I used music to help calm me and distract from your thoughts. Good to remember that your meet may also be feeling nervous too.

My nerves have been replaced with excitement over the years

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By *ichieM50Man
over a year ago

Bridgend

"When I'm planning a meet the nerves are overwhelming; get really worried that they won't like me, I won't like them etc.. can anyone recommend ways to reduce the anxiety?

I know being pissed isn't a good look at all so I want to avoid drinking.

(Not 420 though, not my thing!) "

What is not to like you look amazing but know how you feel think nerves gets the better of most of us to be fair

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By *oby le roneMan
over a year ago

Treorchy

By the time I've met most people from here or other sites we've been chatting for a while. Normally we've moved past the site to something like Kik/WhatsApp and possibly chatted on the phone. By this time meeting has seemed a natural next step and feels normal.

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By *rgan MorganMan
over a year ago

Pontadawe

As toby has said I have normally spoken to them enough to be comfotable meeting, but also i go in with the attitude of if they are idiots I can leave and dont have to have anything tondo with them, or we can just be friends if there isn't that chemistry.

Also i do understand that for men it is easier, less worrying if things don't work.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"also i go in with the attitude of if they are idiots I can leave and dont have to have anything tondo with them

Why are you still living here then

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By *rgan MorganMan
over a year ago

Pontadawe

"also i go in with the attitude of if they are idiots I can leave and dont have to have anything tondo with them

Why are you still living here then

Its cheaper, and those dishes dont wash themselves

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"By the time I've met most people from here or other sites we've been chatting for a while. Normally we've moved past the site to something like Kik/WhatsApp and possibly chatted on the phone. By this time meeting has seemed a natural next step and feels normal. "

You seemed fine at your first group social mr le rone

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By *hrillingEncountersMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

Glad to know it’s not just me who feels like this

Pretty common feeling then.

Funnily enough I watched a Rhod Gilbert documentary on shyness earlier. Watch it on the BBC Iplayer

Great advice from everyone

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By *oby le roneMan
over a year ago

Treorchy

You seemed fine at your first group social mr le rone"

Well quiet obviously I had great people to chat with

I had a great chaperone too fair play.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You seemed fine at your first group social mr le rone

Well quiet obviously I had great people to chat with

I had a great chaperone too fair play. "

Well thank you my good man

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you everyone, reassuring to know I'm not the only one who gets nervous. Definitely going to approach it more like meeting a friend, so expectations x

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By *untiWoman
over a year ago

Newport

"Thank you everyone, reassuring to know I'm not the only one who gets nervous. Definitely going to approach it more like meeting a friend, so expectations x"

You're definitely not alone.

I get a nervous sweat on which is really embarrassing. But always do a social and be confident in the fact that you do not have to do anything. Genuine people will be the same and respect boundaries.

Enjoy

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By *ikesfun1Man
over a year ago

around and about

I feel exactly the same so what I try to do and it works for me is to arrange any meet as a friendship with no pressure type of meet, then if you both feel relaxed and something materialises then great if not its a bonus to meet a new friend.

Unfortunately there are lots of very arrogant and needy people on here that can make a meet very awkward, try to read peoples verifications and ensure they have pictures to share

Hope that helps

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By *ancardiff7Man
over a year ago

Near Cowbridge

I think we all get nervous but I try to keep things in perspective which helps me.

By that I mean what's the worst thing that is going to happen? You don't like each other. So what? That's not the end of the world and there's plenty of people that will.

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By *oby le roneMan
over a year ago

Treorchy

"approach it more like meeting a friend, so expectations x"

This is exactly how it feels for me. Just seems natural then. Still get the "I hope we like each other" thoughts though. I very rarely meet someone I don't get along with tho so I don't worry in that way. Either I'm really nice or people are extremely polite

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's good to be nervous! It will keep you alert.

My suggestion.

*Deep breaths, lower your cortisol.

*Do something you enjoy before your meet, increase your dopamine. (Music, dance, sing)

*Discuses both your expectations and that not everyone is your cup of tea.

*Repeat several times-

"I am amazing, I am Beautiful"

Hope you have fun! x

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By *rgasmicFunCouple
over a year ago

Gwent

"It's good to be nervous! It will keep you alert.

My suggestion.

*Deep breaths, lower your cortisol.

*Do something you enjoy before your meet, increase your dopamine. (Music, dance, sing)

*Discuses both your expectations and that not everyone is your cup of tea.

*Repeat several times-

"I am amazing, I am Beautiful"

Hope you have fun! x"

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By *art23Man
over a year ago

Barry

Hi just try and be yourself and explain the rules first to the person your meeting. Always best meet at a Starbucks car park and have a drive thru coffee meet. Park next to each other and talk through the window of each other’s car and if you like what you see jump into the other car and make more arrangements. That way if you don’t like any part you can say thanks for meeting but your not for me. Happy Fabbing. Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You need a certain type of brass to be able to go to any first meet and not be nervous in one way or another.

If meeting one to one for the first time gives you any kind of anxiety, then you will show that you are anxious no matter what you do it hide it. We are human, not robots. I would suggest that people like this arrange first-meets at one of the socials posted here or in a club, so that at least you remove a little bit of the self-conscious doubt about it all. Because there might be other people who are doing the exact same thing and feeling the exact same way, right? We can hope.

I still get very anxious, and I try to hide it. But my friends are more than happy to call me out on it when they see it because I light it up worse than Blackpool even when we have played before. They ask me why and I don't have a reason. I didn't rehearse that far ahead because I had already rehearsed that everything would be fine... So I guess the more I am challenged, the more often I have to confront it and maybe one day it will go away.

Nerves are natural. It's how they are handled that matters. I suck at it, so don't take my word about it, but I can empathise with people who feel anxiety.

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By *urplechesterCouple
over a year ago

chester

You’re definitely not alone with this, and I’m sure the other party involved will be feeling very similar! Remember that some of that feeling may also be adrenaline. Listen to some music whilst getting yourself ready, and enjoy your meets

Miss pc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Think nearly all of us feel like this, I only went to my first social recently and was really nervous for that, but everyone was so lovely and friendly there.

Just be yourself,if they don't like you that's their problem not yours

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It's good to be nervous! It will keep you alert.

My suggestion.

*Deep breaths, lower your cortisol.

*Do something you enjoy before your meet, increase your dopamine. (Music, dance, sing)

*Discuses both your expectations and that not everyone is your cup of tea.

*Repeat several times-

"I am amazing, I am Beautiful"

Hope you have fun! x"

Love this thank you xx

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By *lmond SkinMan
over a year ago

Wales

Music does it for me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's good to be nervous! It will keep you alert.

My suggestion.

*Deep breaths, lower your cortisol.

*Do something you enjoy before your meet, increase your dopamine. (Music, dance, sing)

*Discuses both your expectations and that not everyone is your cup of tea.

*Repeat several times-

"I am amazing, I am Beautiful"

Hope you have fun! x

Love this thank you xx"

Anytime beautiful x

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By *ost SockMan
over a year ago

West Wales and Cardiff

I’ve never had a meet and not been a gibbering, shaking mess beforehand.

I think it’s all about harnessing that feeling, and almost enjoying it. Kinda - “how weird and daft I feel like this, but how fun too. It makes me really alive”.

I think if you learn to recognise the stages of it, it helps. I know I’ll have a “why do I do this, I just want to watch telly” phase etc. I accept it and know it’ll pass soon enough.

Also, console yourself that you’re a woman and you don’t have to think about nerves, well…..y’know

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I get like this due to extremly bad anxiety, which is one of the main reasons i dont go to socials as well as incase i bump into someone I know lol.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I get so nervous every time I have social or meet, to the point where I’m physically shaking. But thankfully I’ve met some amazing people on here that put me at ease straight away. I usually listen to music on my way which I find helps x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I get so nervous every time I have social or meet, to the point where I’m physically shaking. But thankfully I’ve met some amazing people on here that put me at ease straight away. I usually listen to music on my way which I find helps x"

Im exactly the same, I only went my social beginning of this month I was shaking all the way there.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I know I’ll have a “why do I do this, I just want to watch telly” phase etc."

Omfg I have these every time, Im so glad I'm not alone

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By *oby le roneMan
over a year ago

Treorchy

"I know I’ll have a “why do I do this, I just want to watch telly” phase etc.

Omfg I have these every time, Im so glad I'm not alone

I been stuck in the "I'd rather stay in and watch TV" rut for ages

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By *ilverjagMan
over a year ago

swansea

I can never quite get why anyone should be nervous about meeting someone, especially if it's in an open public place. Even if there's no attraction, a dating disaster is simply a word in a sentence, of a paragraph of a page in a chapter of the book of life. It's like going through an Argos catalogue, if one item suddenly goes out of stock, or is no longer available, you simply flick the page over, and select another one. It's also a bit like waiting for a bus, it doesn't matter if you miss the first one as there will be another one along in a minute. No need to get nervous or frustrated.

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By *lease300Woman
over a year ago

merthyr

"I can never quite get why anyone should be nervous about meeting someone, especially if it's in an open public place. Even if there's no attraction, a dating disaster is simply a word in a sentence, of a paragraph of a page in a chapter of the book of life. It's like going through an Argos catalogue, if one item suddenly goes out of stock, or is no longer available, you simply flick the page over, and select another one. It's also a bit like waiting for a bus, it doesn't matter if you miss the first one as there will be another one along in a minute. No need to get nervous or frustrated. "

Of course some people get nervous I should imagine more do than don’t

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