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Domestic Abuse - Covid 19

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By *essie. OP   Woman
over a year ago

Serendipity

Self isolation and social distancing mean more people are staying at home. It’s a stressful time, people are working from home and children are off svhool. This is an extremely risky time for victims of abuse. As a neighbour, family member or friend, please be mindful of this.

Are you able to check in with family or friends. A quick call or text? Decide on a code word for them to use if they need your help. If you hear or suspect someone is being hurt or threatened please call 999.

NEVER confront the perpetrator, NEVER talk to the victim in front of the perpetrator. ALWAYS call 999 in an emergency.

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By *he Little Fuck MachineMan
over a year ago

Co.Antrim

Brilliant thread as I honestly hadn’t considered this. I have been worrying about family and friends who suffer with severe depression and other mental health disorders as isolation makes it much more difficult to check in with them and phonecalls don’t always provide the clarity required.

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By *etLikeMan
over a year ago

most fundamental aspects

If you fear this, get a plan in place. Do NOT run to the bathroom as it has the most hard surfaces in a house. The lock is easily broken and you have no means of escape. It sounds counter intuitive but a living room or a bedroom is safest.

Consider your escape route and any extra hazards like concrete stairs.

There’s an app called Holly Guard. It works by a shaking your phone and it will call your (pre arranged) emergency contact.

Longer term. Get out. Have someone you can go to. Take only what you need, such as bank cards passport. Packing an extensive bag of things can be a catalyst for more abuse.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West


"Brilliant thread as I honestly hadn’t considered this. I have been worrying about family and friends who suffer with severe depression and other mental health disorders as isolation makes it much more difficult to check in with them and phonecalls don’t always provide the clarity required."

And you just remember there are people you can call too, my multi tooled amigo.

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By *ootleCouple
over a year ago

Romford, Essex

This is so true, with kids at home all day, food hard to come by, money getting short, jobs at risk, worried about others with ill health, poor mental health (and the list goes on) it’s just a cocktail of stress upon stress, it’s going to be hard enough for people whose heads are in the right place, but if your living with a violent or volatile partner the possibilities are unthinkable; the advice given above is spot on – listen out for it, if you hear it, don’t hesitate to dial to 999 – I’d rather my neighbour not speak to me again if I’m wrong that see them leave the house in an ambulance….or a hearse !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thank you for this. As I am one of those people who have to stay in the same house as my ex husband who isnt the nicest to deal with at the best of times.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thank you for this. As I am one of those people who have to stay in the same house as my ex husband who isnt the nicest to deal with at the best of times."

Yet you were enjoying lockdown yesterday

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By *essie. OP   Woman
over a year ago

Serendipity

Just bumping this, as I heard on the news that calls to Domestic Abuse helplines are up 25%.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thank you for this. As I am one of those people who have to stay in the same house as my ex husband who isnt the nicest to deal with at the best of times.

Yet you were enjoying lockdown yesterday "

Are people in awful situations not allowed to (a) put a brave face on it, or (b) have a reprieve.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thank you for this. As I am one of those people who have to stay in the same house as my ex husband who isnt the nicest to deal with at the best of times.

Yet you were enjoying lockdown yesterday "

Wow judgemental much.... Do you know what some woman in abusive circumstances sometimes have to do to survive the day? If you cant be kind, at least be quiet

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thank you for this. As I am one of those people who have to stay in the same house as my ex husband who isnt the nicest to deal with at the best of times.

Yet you were enjoying lockdown yesterday

Wow judgemental much.... Do you know what some woman in abusive circumstances sometimes have to do to survive the day? If you cant be kind, at least be quiet "

I was making reference to the poster's somewhat contradictory status at the time. Put your stick away

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thank you for this. As I am one of those people who have to stay in the same house as my ex husband who isnt the nicest to deal with at the best of times.

Yet you were enjoying lockdown yesterday

Are people in awful situations not allowed to (a) put a brave face on it, or (b) have a reprieve. "

Sure they are

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thank you for this. As I am one of those people who have to stay in the same house as my ex husband who isnt the nicest to deal with at the best of times.

Yet you were enjoying lockdown yesterday

Wow judgemental much.... Do you know what some woman in abusive circumstances sometimes have to do to survive the day? If you cant be kind, at least be quiet "

I don't think I'm imagining things, but there appears to be a stark rise in judgements being made.

I guess the forum has become the place to sound off people's stresses, having no control over the current situation.

Some things being said, not actual insults but definitely insulting.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thank you for this. As I am one of those people who have to stay in the same house as my ex husband who isnt the nicest to deal with at the best of times.

Yet you were enjoying lockdown yesterday

Wow judgemental much.... Do you know what some woman in abusive circumstances sometimes have to do to survive the day? If you cant be kind, at least be quiet

I was making reference to the poster's somewhat contradictory status at the time. Put your stick away "

Because a status on Fab is an indication of what a person's everyday life is. As I said, if you can't be kind, be quiet.... You do less damage that way. Who are you to question or imply her situation is not abusive based on 1 status... I'm smiling in all the pictures from my marriage, doesn't mean I was happy and my ex husband wasn't a controlling arse that made me miserable and suicidal.... Comments like yours, have the potential to push a person over the edge. Just think about that next time you emoji eye roll at someone reaching out from an abusive situation

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thank you for this. As I am one of those people who have to stay in the same house as my ex husband who isnt the nicest to deal with at the best of times.

Yet you were enjoying lockdown yesterday

Wow judgemental much.... Do you know what some woman in abusive circumstances sometimes have to do to survive the day? If you cant be kind, at least be quiet

I don't think I'm imagining things, but there appears to be a stark rise in judgements being made.

I guess the forum has become the place to sound off people's stresses, having no control over the current situation.

Some things being said, not actual insults but definitely insulting.

"

People have no idea how hurtful words can be... Caroline Flack suicide (and many others) have been forgotten.... Be kind is just a trending # after all, not an actual action people practice unfortunately

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By *rotic-TouchTV/TS
over a year ago

doncaster


"Thank you for this. As I am one of those people who have to stay in the same house as my ex husband who isnt the nicest to deal with at the best of times.

Yet you were enjoying lockdown yesterday "
she must have forgotten about that

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By *heBirminghamWeekendMan
over a year ago

here

“Calls to a national domestic abuse helpline rose by 49% and killings doubled weeks after lockdown, a report by MPs has revealed.

Following the "surge" in violence, the report called for a government strategy on domestic abuse during the pandemic.”

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-52433520

This is shocking and needs more attention.

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire


"“Calls to a national domestic abuse helpline rose by 49% and killings doubled weeks after lockdown, a report by MPs has revealed.

Following the "surge" in violence, the report called for a government strategy on domestic abuse during the pandemic.”

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-52433520

This is shocking and needs more attention.

"

This..

When society has enough and demands the legislative treat abusers of whatever gender a lot more harshly via the courts perhaps we may see a change in the attitudes some who think it's OK to mentally torture, batter and kill..

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By *heBirminghamWeekendMan
over a year ago

here


"“Calls to a national domestic abuse helpline rose by 49% and killings doubled weeks after lockdown, a report by MPs has revealed.

Following the "surge" in violence, the report called for a government strategy on domestic abuse during the pandemic.”

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-52433520

This is shocking and needs more attention.

This..

When society has enough and demands the legislative treat abusers of whatever gender a lot more harshly via the courts perhaps we may see a change in the attitudes some who think it's OK to mentally torture, batter and kill..

"

Lockdown will be eased and numbers will decrease . Problem gone

But it’s not gone - it’s still there .

The media could be doing more to highlight this.

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire


"“Calls to a national domestic abuse helpline rose by 49% and killings doubled weeks after lockdown, a report by MPs has revealed.

Following the "surge" in violence, the report called for a government strategy on domestic abuse during the pandemic.”

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-52433520

This is shocking and needs more attention.

This..

When society has enough and demands the legislative treat abusers of whatever gender a lot more harshly via the courts perhaps we may see a change in the attitudes some who think it's OK to mentally torture, batter and kill..

Lockdown will be eased and numbers will decrease . Problem gone

But it’s not gone - it’s still there .

The media could be doing more to highlight this.

"

Sadly true, a national shame..

If the gender was reversed and it was men being murdered weekly then that might prompt change..

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire

[Removed by poster at 27/04/20 08:56:25]

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By *adame 2SwordsWoman
over a year ago

Victoria, London

DV calls are up, harrowing to listen to. As desperate as you are, you can have all the advise you like, but until they are ready, there will be a point where they snap and have had enough of their treatment.

Until then there's not a lot that can be done. They just need to know you're there when they need you, in whatever capacity. Don't go blundering in trying to fix everything because you won't be welcome by either side.

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By *heBirminghamWeekendMan
over a year ago

here


"DV calls are up, harrowing to listen to. As desperate as you are, you can have all the advise you like, but until they are ready, there will be a point where they snap and have had enough of their treatment.

Until then there's not a lot that can be done. They just need to know you're there when they need you, in whatever capacity. Don't go blundering in trying to fix everything because you won't be welcome by either side. "

Is it the case that more public awareness is a driving factor to getting more done ?

The increase in numbers for the last 6 weeks are disgusting .

This can’t slip down the National priority list in the same way the thread easily slips down page 1 of the forum

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By *est Wales WifeCouple
over a year ago

Near Carmarthen

As well as increasing domestic violence, mental health issue and child sex abuse people are not seeking or getting routine medical treatment. The latter (along with suicides) are now causing substantial extra deaths.

Edge Health, a leading provider of data to NHS trusts, estimates these deaths now total approximately 10,000 and are running at around 2,000 a week.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"DV calls are up, harrowing to listen to. As desperate as you are, you can have all the advise you like, but until they are ready, there will be a point where they snap and have had enough of their treatment.

Until then there's not a lot that can be done. They just need to know you're there when they need you, in whatever capacity. Don't go blundering in trying to fix everything because you won't be welcome by either side. "

That's not really fair. It's not that they finally have enough of their treatment.

They are often scared shitless, the most dangerous time is when they leave. It's often safer to stay because then you know what the abuser is doing/ how they are feeling. When they leave it's an unknown. They can't live in survival mode 24/7.

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By *ittleMissCaliWoman
over a year ago

all loved up


"DV calls are up, harrowing to listen to. As desperate as you are, you can have all the advise you like, but until they are ready, there will be a point where they snap and have had enough of their treatment.

Until then there's not a lot that can be done. They just need to know you're there when they need you, in whatever capacity. Don't go blundering in trying to fix everything because you won't be welcome by either side. "
this is actually very true. It's a complex situation.. and the abused wont leave till they are ready or something triggers them. And often someone reporting it will find the abused denies and defends the abuser... I speak with experience of being in the situation and years and years of supporting those in the situation

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By *essie. OP   Woman
over a year ago

Serendipity

I don’t usually watch Coronation Street but the Geoff & Yasmeen storyline of how he has gradually upped the abuse, it’s horrid to watch, but extremely well acted. It’s taken me back to my life a long time ago.

I hope anyone who is experiencing Domestic Abuse right now is getting the support they need.

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