FabSwingers.com forum: Corona Jokes

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

About the only thing keeping me sane just now are the excellent memes and GIFs going in my family group chat (I wish we could use them on here!)

Laughing is how I deal with being a bit freaked out so please don't be offended that this is in poor taste, but anyone seen any good Corona jokes/tweets/posts from people? Let's just rip them all off in here to lighten the mood a bit

I'll start…

'Wow...bars, clubs and gyms all closed? My life is about to be seriously exactly the same!'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve been sent some funny loo roll videos

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I’ve been sent some funny loo roll videos

Some of it's been genius to be fair. Less funny having to describe pictures but a lone Where's Wally 2020 edition was pretty funny

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By *inky Biscuit DunkerMan
over a year ago

Gloucestershire

"I’ve been sent some funny loo roll videos

I loved the one you sent me

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Ok the schools are closed, soooo...do we just drop the kids at the teachers house, or what?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’ve been sent some funny loo roll videos

Some of it's been genius to be fair. Less funny having to describe pictures but a lone Where's Wally 2020 edition was pretty funny

Have you seen the Prince Charles handshake one

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’ve been sent some funny loo roll videos

I loved the one you sent me

That was funny

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have you noticed that government advice is that if you need to sneeze, you should do so into your arm and yet so many have been out panic buying toilet paper. Clearly a lot of people who don't know their arse from their elbow

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Have you noticed that government advice is that if you need to sneeze, you should do so into your arm and yet so many have been out panic buying toilet paper. Clearly a lot of people who don't know their arse from their elbow"

You can buy stuff now with sheets of loo roll

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I’ve been sent some funny loo roll videos

Some of it's been genius to be fair. Less funny having to describe pictures but a lone Where's Wally 2020 edition was pretty funny

Have you seen the Prince Charles handshake one

Just googled, is it him going for a handshake then changing to a namaste instead?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Home school day 1:

Wondering how I can get this kid transferred outta my class

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By *lirtyFellaMan
over a year ago

a permanent state of arousal

"The coronavirus is alot like a kinky sex life.

I don't mind having it, but I'm scared my parents have it too."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’ve been sent some funny loo roll videos

Some of it's been genius to be fair. Less funny having to describe pictures but a lone Where's Wally 2020 edition was pretty funny

Have you seen the Prince Charles handshake one

Just googled, is it him going for a handshake then changing to a namaste instead?

Yes, that’s the one, made me chuckle

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

[Removed by poster at 18/03/20 21:36:46]

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

""The coronavirus is alot like a kinky sex life.

I don't mind having it, but I'm scared my parents have it too.""

! That one's getting sent to the non-parent sibling only chat

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By *itonmyfacebookMan
over a year ago

Burton on Trent

They've stopped production of EastEnders. Including it in the plot would make it too cheerful.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Prince Phillip...

10 June 1921 - 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019 and 2020 (twice).

He will be missed, except at junctions!

Not strictly corona related but funny all the same.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I wanted to panic buy, but I checked my bank account and I can only panic

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just been to Tesco to get todays dinner...

We're having ink cartridge and light bulb stew!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How long before Citroen try and cash in on the pandemic and bring out the new CV-19...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Prince Phillip...

10 June 1921 - 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019 and 2020 (twice).

He will be missed, except at junctions!

Not strictly corona related but funny all the same."

I saw that on Twitter and LOL-ed too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Prince Phillip...

10 June 1921 - 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019 and 2020 (twice).

He will be missed, except at junctions!

Not strictly corona related but funny all the same."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s the shoplifters I feel sorry for. There’s fuck all left to nick!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Whoever ate that bat...your mom's a hoe

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Oh, I did not know we had a Corona forum now

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By *eddy and legsCouple
over a year ago

the wetlands

Newsflash

Isis suicide bomber kills 32 family members due to being asked to work from home

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Prince Phillip...

10 June 1921 - 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019 and 2020 (twice).

He will be missed, except at junctions!

Not strictly corona related but funny all the same.

I saw that on Twitter and LOL-ed too

That's where I stole it from

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just got back from Sainsbury's and saw a man in there with a trolley brimmed full of hand sanitizers,baby wipes, soaps and all the things people need right now !!

Gave him a piece of my mind called him a selfish prick and told him there's desperate mum's and lonely old folk that need these products as well ! Told him he ought to be ashamed of himself

He said " that's all very well but I work here... now can I carry on filling the shelves please !"

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

The unexpected bonus to this whole corona episode is all the suicide bombers being forced to work from home.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Purchase limits placed on shops in light of the Corona virus panic buying.

Asda: 2 hand sanitisers and a 4 pack of toilet rolls.

Tesco: 1 hand sanitiser, 500g of rice and 4 pack of toilet rolls.

Aldi: a welder, a pink sports bra, 2 trumpets, 1 spare wheel for a barrow!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The unexpected bonus to this whole corona episode is all the suicide bombers being forced to work from home.

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

"Newsflash

Isis suicide bomber kills 32 family members due to being asked to work from home"

Sorry, we were typing similar posts at the same time

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By *lirtyFellaMan
over a year ago

a permanent state of arousal

'First corona death in russia confirmed.

Patients name was Iva Chestikov'

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

2019.. If you don't do well at school you'll end up stacking shelves !

2020.. Shelf stacking is now seen as a secure career option

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is funny. Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I went to the chemist earlier and I said to the girl "What kills the coronavirus?" she said "ammonia cleaner" I said "Oh I'm sorry I thought you worked here"

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

Aldi are restricting the sales of tight luminous pink Lycra cycling outfits, chain saws and inflatable kayaks to two per person

Now that's a sign of a real crisis

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I went to the chemist earlier and I said to the girl "What kills the coronavirus?" she said "ammonia cleaner" I said "Oh I'm sorry I thought you worked here" "

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By *arakiss12TV/TS
over a year ago

Bedford

"About the only thing keeping me sane just now are the excellent memes and GIFs going in my family group chat (I wish we could use them on here!)

I'll start…

'Wow...bars, clubs and gyms all closed? My life is about to be seriously exactly the same!'

There's Frank Sinatras, Tony Bennetts and Jack Jonses everywhere, it must be an outbreak of Croonas'

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By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

Keep it up.

Tbh the great British sense of humour is very important at a time like this.

Our ability to laugh at ourselves and others misfortune sets us apart from lots of other countries.

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By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

I wasn't being sarcastic btw

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Keep it up.

Tbh the great British sense of humour is very important at a time like this.

Our ability to laugh at ourselves and others misfortune sets us apart from lots of other countries.

I totally agree and somebody said the same sort of thing to me earlier

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

what's 200 metres long and has an IQ of 40...

....the queue to buy toilet paper at Asda

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Remember when people used to laugh at the toilet roll prize on win the ads on ant and decs Saturday night takeaway

No ones laughing now are they!

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By *ENGUYMan
over a year ago

Hull

Someone commented on Social Media the other day, how he'll cope if any one of his family fall ill and they ALL have to self-isolate for 14 days?

It could mean, horror amongst horrors, he'd have to start speaking to the Kids!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My mate said being in isolation with his wife has meant they talk more. Turns out she got made redundant from Woolworths.

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By *arakiss12TV/TS
over a year ago

Bedford

"About the only thing keeping me sane just now are the excellent memes and GIFs going in my family group chat (I wish we could use them on here!)

I'll start…

'Wow...bars, clubs and gyms all closed? My life is about to be seriously exactly the same!'

An old boy goes into the local newsagents and asks for a bottle of Corona Lemonade, shopkeeper replies yeh it's over there next to the Botulism Tizer.

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By *av501TV/TS
over a year ago

Mancetter?

I Hope all these cunts who have panic bought and stockpiled food away from the elderly, young families and vulnerable people .......BOUGHT CONDOMS TOO .......STOP THEM BREEDING ANYMORE FUCKING IDIOTS !!!!!!

If the cap fits wear it !! With your best shame and guilt!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They say it doesn’t cause the shits, tell me that again after someone coughs behind you...

I’m ashamed to admit I’ve started stockpiling too. Apparently 30 pairs of boxers is too much

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By *arakiss12TV/TS
over a year ago

Bedford

"About the only thing keeping me sane just now are the excellent memes and GIFs going in my family group chat (I wish we could use them on here!)

I'll start…

'Wow...bars, clubs and gyms all closed? My life is about to be seriously exactly the same!'

Doctor doctor I think I've got Covid-19.

Doctor: I trump that with my Commodre-64.

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By *arakiss12TV/TS
over a year ago

Bedford

"About the only thing keeping me sane just now are the excellent memes and GIFs going in my family group chat (I wish we could use them on here!)

I'll start…

'Wow...bars, clubs and gyms all closed? My life is about to be seriously exactly the same!'

Doctor Doctor I think I've got C19

Doctor: That's great, now show me how I tune my tv into it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Stella virus is the male version it's 6% stronger than the female version

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Every one isn't shaking hands because of the virus, Not me.. im not shaking hands because I dunno if they don't have any soap or bog roll, Besides I've seen holidays go as little as £50! That's cheap, France, Germany, free soap and free bog roll! 2 weeks of work chill in quarantine, 2 weeks of work sick pay, Then come back home to pure madness?! Either that or I'm thinking about buying all the toilet plunges, Game on...

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By *arakiss12TV/TS
over a year ago

Bedford

"About the only thing keeping me sane just now are the excellent memes and GIFs going in my family group chat (I wish we could use them on here!)

I'll start…

'Wow...bars, clubs and gyms all closed? My life is about to be seriously exactly the same!'

Doctor Doctor all I see on tv is Coronavirus-19 Coronavirus-19

Doctor: Good God that means double vision is another symptom.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"About the only thing keeping me sane just now are the excellent memes and GIFs going in my family group chat (I wish we could use them on here!)

I'll start…

'Wow...bars, clubs and gyms all closed? My life is about to be seriously exactly the same!'

I’m stuck in a hotel in Gran Canaria and my phone and work mates have kept my spirits up with memes and GIFs. Go humour!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Smart move shutting schools. Mum's will find a cure before the scientists do now!

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By *irtydiane69123Couple
over a year ago

Barry

I used to cough to cover a fart, now I fart to cover a cough.

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By *ankie303Woman
over a year ago

Weirdsville South Coast Dorset

"About the only thing keeping me sane just now are the excellent memes and GIFs going in my family group chat (I wish we could use them on here!)

I'll start…

'Wow...bars, clubs and gyms all closed? My life is about to be seriously exactly the same!'

Since the sports have been cancelled on sky iv found a woman at the other end of my sofa, shes really nice as it goes......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Loving this x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ooohhh iv got 1 of them. It just coughs a little.

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By *irtydiane69123Couple
over a year ago

Barry

I know why we're running short of toilet rolls, one person coughs in a room, a hundred people shit themselves

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Damn I picked a bad time to have not learned how to cook for the past 36 years

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Smart move shutting schools. Mum's will find a cure before the scientists do now! "

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By *arakiss12TV/TS
over a year ago

Bedford

[Removed by poster at 19/03/20 11:47:59]

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By *arakiss12TV/TS
over a year ago

Bedford

Doctor doctor I think I have herd immunity

Doctor: Don't be a silly moo, now take the cow onesie off and let me check your udd....I mean breasts. It's essential for a full virus check.....I think.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"About the only thing keeping me sane just now are the excellent memes and GIFs going in my family group chat (I wish we could use them on here!)

I'll start…

'Wow...bars, clubs and gyms all closed? My life is about to be seriously exactly the same!'

Doctor Doctor all I see on tv is Coronavirus-19 Coronavirus-19

Doctor: Good God that means double vision is another symptom."

Or parrot flu (the more refined version of bird flu)

Loving the humour.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Longest person in self isolation......Madeline McCann

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Stella virus is the male version it's 6% stronger than the female version"

Then that's the version in Italy. A Lancet report about Italy had it that 80% of deaths have been male.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

***BREAKIMG NEWS*** ....Snow White has now got only 6 dwarves.......

Sneezy has been taken into isolation......

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By *av501TV/TS
over a year ago

Mancetter?

Well I must say having to stay at home, no pub no sports no clubs....... im having to speak to the wife some more ....... really sorry to hear, and came as shock that shes been made redundant ......... from Woolworths.

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By *av501TV/TS
over a year ago

Mancetter?

"***BREAKIMG NEWS*** ....Snow White has now got only 6 dwarves.......

Sneezy has been taken into isolation......

Ive also heard that 6 out of 7 dwarfs .....are'nt Happy !!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Since the sport has been cancelled I’ve started talking to the wife, apparently she’s been made redundant from Woolworths.

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By *aturally sexyCouple
over a year ago

watford

"I used to cough to cover a fart, now I fart to cover a cough.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Home schooling is going well, 2 students suspended for fighting, and one teacher sacked for drinking on the job.

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

CORONAVIRUS: The boredom of self isolation..... Did you know that if you rest one of your testicles on top of an empty beer bottle, and hold a flame at the base, eventually it gets sucked inside......If you've done this and know how to get it out, message me please....

Urgently!!

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By * and M lookingCouple
over a year ago

Worcester

Dianne Abbott has been in contact with the BBC asking that they cease filming of Casualty and Holby City to free up the staff so that they can get back to front line duties.

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By * and M lookingCouple
over a year ago

Worcester

"***BREAKIMG NEWS*** ....Snow White has now got only 6 dwarves.......

Sneezy has been taken into isolation......

So now she’s fu**ing Grumpy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Finland has just closed their borders...

No one will be crossing the finish line!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Banksy has been working from home.

Apparently his house in Bristol is now worth 4.8 billion...

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By *gainstthegrain822Couple
over a year ago

grain

This is great. You guys just gave me my next stand up script......now if only there were a gig open.....

Apologies to any with jokes I didn’t use or reworked a bit. Lol

For the first time in history we can save human kind by sitting in front of the TV and doing nothing..... let’s not screw this up.

Though they have stopped filming EastEnders. I understand there was concern from the producers that including the current crisis in the plot lines would make it too cheerful.

As well as Eastenders, I did hear that Dianne Abbott has been in contact with the BBC asking that they cease filming of Casualty and Holby City to free up the NHS staff so that they can get back to front line duties

Remember when people used to laugh at the toilet roll prize on win the ads on ant and decs Saturday night takeaway. No ones laughing now are they!

With all the Pubs, bars and theatres closed my life is about to be seriously exactly the same!!!

Still, i did pop down to Tesco.. I wanted to panic buy, but I checked my bank balance and apparently I can only panic.

I did manage to get tonight’s dinner though. We’re having ink cartridge and light bulb stew.

While I was in Tesco I saw a guy in there with a trolley brimmed full of hand sanitizers,baby wipes, soaps and all the things people need right now !!

Gave him a piece of my mind, called him a selfish prick and told him there's desperate mum's and lonely old folk that need these products as well ! Told him he ought to be ashamed of himself

He said " that's all very well but I work here... now can I carry on filling the shelves please !"

So filling shelves in Tesco, last year If you didn’t do well at school you'll end up stacking shelves ! now in 2020 Shelf stacking is now seen as a secure career option.

It’s the shoplifters I feel sorry for. There is nothing left to knick.

So I went up to the Pharmacy counter in Tesco to see if they have anything for this cough and headache. I said to the girl "What kills the coronavirus?" she said "ammonia cleaner" I said "Oh I'm sorry I thought you worked here"

I drove back from Tesco’s past the local Citroen garage. Looks like they shamelessly cashing in with the release of a new CV-19 model

My mate said being in isolation with his wife has meant they talk more. Turns out she got made redundant from Woolworths.

So all there is on TV is Covid-19 News

Isis suicide bomber kills 32 family members due to being asked to work from home

First corona deaths in Russia confirmed.

Patients names were Iva Chestikov and Ivor Nastysniff

Banksy has been working from home.

Apparently his house in Bristol is now worth 4.8 billion.

WHO is concerned that the virus might mutate and early signs are that a Stella virus is emerging. Apparently it’s 6% stronger and mostly affects males between 18 and 30 years old.

Finland has just closed their borders. No one will be crossing the finish line!

ah well gone are the days of using a cough to cover a fart, now I fart to cover a cough.

I have to say it’s a smart move closing the schools. Now Mums will find a cure before the scientists do.

Happy WFH

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"This is great. You guys just gave me my next stand up script......now if only there were a gig open.....