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"I'm undiagnosed but I'm pretty certain I'm autistic and ADHD and I think it manifests in paraphilias and risky sexual behaviour. Does anyone have any experience or advice with this? I'm feeling pretty confused at the moment." Diagnosed ADHD here. You can message me if you need to talk. | |||
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"Ive got AuDHD, diagnosed recently. Still not medicated. I struggle with the risk taking and seeking out stuff. Sometimes I worry I'm going too far. I get so angry with myself all the time just wishing I could operate like a "normal" person. Sometimes I just lock myself away to save myself and others from my erratic behaviour. I hate that I can't just be like everyone else and not get exhausted by masking 24/7" Solidarity. Have you had any therapy? | |||
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"Not for my Audhd, I have for my other things (ptsd ect)" Joining a support group for neurodivergent people can be very helful. | |||
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"Not for my Audhd, I have for my other things (ptsd ect) Joining a support group for neurodivergent people can be very helful. " I didnt know there were any tbh | |||
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"Not for my Audhd, I have for my other things (ptsd ect) Joining a support group for neurodivergent people can be very helful. I didnt know there were any tbh" I've had a brief look where I live and there are peer to peer support groups for ASD and ADHD. If you feel brave enough then have a look. | |||
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"I'm undiagnosed but I'm pretty certain I'm autistic and ADHD and I think it manifests in paraphilias and risky sexual behaviour. Does anyone have any experience or advice with this? I'm feeling pretty confused at the moment." This is a very helpful post. | |||
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"I'm undiagnosed but I'm pretty certain I'm autistic and ADHD and I think it manifests in paraphilias and risky sexual behaviour. Does anyone have any experience or advice with this? I'm feeling pretty confused at the moment." I have autism and Borderline/Emotionally Unstable personality disorder, diagnosed. I also have complex childhood PTSD, ADHD traits, disordered eating, chronic fatigue, and perimenopause undiagnosed. I've had DBT, STEPPS and MBT psychotherapies to deal with the BPD/EUPD which has curbed the more/most unhealthy, dysfunctional and toxic behaviours. The thoughts feelings and triggers come and go but the main thing is that I control and manage my behaviour so I don't hurt myself or anyone else...physically or psychologically. I'm naturally risk-averse but I do see some behaviours as sensory seeking or sensory soothing or a reaction to being overstimulated or understimulated. I spend 7 hours a week working on my mental health just like people spend 7 hours a week in the gym/exercising working on their physical health. I don't have a family or a full-time job so that means I have more time to look after myself but if you are reaching a crisis point, you might have to change your lifestyle to survive. In my NHS support group we talk about managing the risk and harm reduction. so I can only suggest finding ways to honour your sensory and sexual needs with the lowest risk and least harm. this is different for everyone. I attended BDSM workshops to learn about how to reduce harm and risk, I talk over my bheviours with my safety buddies and psychotherapist and I attend the sexual health clinic regularly and they discuss safe sex, birth control, pregnancy termination, vaccinations with me and Prep and Pep with me. I'm open and as transparent with my playmate as possible. I also try to work with my playmates to be safe, sane, sober, consensual and communicative- BDSM acronyms. I'm newly diagnosed with autism so I'm still reading books and information and implementing unmasking and sensory detox strategies. I also engage in low-risk intimacy, such as a massage from another person, excluding genitals, which meets my sensory needs and connects me to the sexual feelings and sensations in my body. | |||
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"Not for my Audhd, I have for my other things (ptsd ect) Joining a support group for neurodivergent people can be very helful. I didn't know there were any tbh" loads online and loads on meetup for in-person loads of groups...not the other type....lol!   | |||
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"I think the risky sex and paraphilias/hypersexuality is down to sensory stuff. A search for dopamine." luckily I recognise I get dopamine from other stuff so I don't always have to turn to sexual stuff. on the down side of that, I hyperfocus on the other dopamine stuff and then due to my triggers end up dissociating and disconnecting from my body and other people and reality in general. so it's all about balance for me. Exercise alone or with my trainers stops me from disconnecting/dossociating completely and provides a small amount of dopamine/serotonin/adrenaline/oxytocin that keeps me emotionally regulated. | |||
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"I'm diagnosed ADHD with STRONG possibility of Autism as well. I simply crave variety. And risk is variety 😅" I do the variety without the risk. I feel sick doing something high risk....it might be too sensory overstimulating for me. I get overstimulated easily.  | |||
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"I'm diagnosed ADHD with STRONG possibility of Autism as well. I simply crave variety. And risk is variety 😅 I do the variety without the risk. I feel sick doing something high risk....it might be too sensory overstimulating for me. I get overstimulated easily. "I did have a meet in a swimming pool changing room, that was very risky  | |||
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" I actually think my presence in this area of society is significantly more sensory-seeking driven than a desire for risk. " Definitely sensory-seeking with me. I’m not diagnosed (wasn’t a thing when I was a kid unless you were disruptive) but my son has been diagnosed with Au/ADHD and ever since everyone’s pointed out how I’m similar!  | |||
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" my son has been diagnosed with Au/ADHD and ever since everyone’s pointed out how I’m similar! "So many of us in this same situation I think | |||
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"I am also from the time when you had to be acutely non verbal or disruptive to be diagnosed. It turns out I'm very high masking and I never even knew until the last few weeks what had been happening in my life and how pushing it down has caused innumerable problems and issues. I'm simultaneously relieved to have an answer but despondent at how my life has been ruined by my non diagnosis. "Why do you say ruined? Sorry just playing devil's advocate as an ADHD person with a high proclivity for risky sexual behaviour. Mindset is key | |||
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"I am also from the time when you had to be acutely non verbal or disruptive to be diagnosed. It turns out I'm very high masking and I never even knew until the last few weeks what had been happening in my life and how pushing it down has caused innumerable problems and issues. I'm simultaneously relieved to have an answer but despondent at how my life has been ruined by my non diagnosis.
Why do you say ruined? Sorry just playing devil's advocate as an ADHD person with a high proclivity for risky sexual behaviour. Mindset is key"In the way that I've never had a job until I was in my 40's. I could never revise at school so i always did shit in exams. I told people but I never got the support I needed. I could have done so much more with the right support and understanding. I can see retirement looming and I have nothing really. I'm still coming to terms with things, I'll try harder with mindset but I don't really know what to do ATM. | |||
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"I am also from the time when you had to be acutely non verbal or disruptive to be diagnosed. It turns out I'm very high masking and I never even knew until the last few weeks what had been happening in my life and how pushing it down has caused innumerable problems and issues. I'm simultaneously relieved to have an answer but despondent at how my life has been ruined by my non diagnosis.
Why do you say ruined? Sorry just playing devil's advocate as an ADHD person with a high proclivity for risky sexual behaviour. Mindset is key
In the way that I've never had a job until I was in my 40's. I could never revise at school so i always did shit in exams. I told people but I never got the support I needed. I could have done so much more with the right support and understanding. I can see retirement looming and I have nothing really. I'm still coming to terms with things, I'll try harder with mindset but I don't really know what to do ATM. "All you can affect is the future, if you do have ADHD you will eat yourself alive worrying about the past. My top tip is use the diagnosis to understand yourself and avoid using it as an excuse to anyone other than yourself. | |||
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"I am also from the time when you had to be acutely non verbal or disruptive to be diagnosed. It turns out I'm very high masking and I never even knew until the last few weeks what had been happening in my life and how pushing it down has caused innumerable problems and issues. I'm simultaneously relieved to have an answer but despondent at how my life has been ruined by my non diagnosis.
Why do you say ruined? Sorry just playing devil's advocate as an ADHD person with a high proclivity for risky sexual behaviour. Mindset is key
In the way that I've never had a job until I was in my 40's. I could never revise at school so i always did shit in exams. I told people but I never got the support I needed. I could have done so much more with the right support and understanding. I can see retirement looming and I have nothing really. I'm still coming to terms with things, I'll try harder with mindset but I don't really know what to do ATM.
All you can affect is the future, if you do have ADHD you will eat yourself alive worrying about the past.
My top tip is use the diagnosis to understand yourself and avoid using it as an excuse to anyone other than yourself."Wise words, thanks for those. I'm just self diagnosed though no official diagnosis. Waiting list here is humongous | |||
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"I'm undiagnosed but I'm pretty certain I'm autistic and ADHD and I think it manifests in paraphilias and risky sexual behaviour. Does anyone have any experience or advice with this? I'm feeling pretty confused at the moment." This resonates so much. Thank you. | |||
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"I'm undiagnosed but I'm pretty certain I'm autistic and ADHD and I think it manifests in paraphilias and risky sexual behaviour. Does anyone have any experience or advice with this? I'm feeling pretty confused at the moment." There are a lot of scientific papers on this subject online, so it’s a fairly common thing. Unfortunately, having ADHD and reading scientific papers does not go hand in hand. Please see my previous post about my experience with medication and its affect on impulsiveness. I know the route to medication is long and torturous but it really does help. | |||
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"Not diagnosed but many in the family are, my counsellor mentioned that many use sex as a means of control/selfharm in their life when they don't feel in control. Not sure if that would be the case for alot but it certainly was for me. " Interesting. Self harm (or more accurately self sabotage) has been a big factor throughout my life. The risky sex would definitely be a part of that. | |||
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"Not diagnosed but many in the family are, my counsellor mentioned that many use sex as a means of control/selfharm in their life when they don't feel in control. Not sure if that would be the case for alot but it certainly was for me. Interesting. Self harm (or more accurately self sabotage) has been a big factor throughout my life. The risky sex would definitely be a part of that." Exactly that, it was interesting to hear about when I discussed my previous sexcapades as a young adult. | |||
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"Not diagnosed but many in the family are, my counsellor mentioned that many use sex as a means of control/selfharm in their life when they don't feel in control. Not sure if that would be the case for alot but it certainly was for me. Interesting. Self harm (or more accurately self sabotage) has been a big factor throughout my life. The risky sex would definitely be a part of that. Exactly that, it was interesting to hear about when I discussed my previous sexcapades as a young adult. " Has this insight been useful to you | |||
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"Not diagnosed but many in the family are, my counsellor mentioned that many use sex as a means of control/selfharm in their life when they don't feel in control. Not sure if that would be the case for alot but it certainly was for me. Interesting. Self harm (or more accurately self sabotage) has been a big factor throughout my life. The risky sex would definitely be a part of that. Exactly that, it was interesting to hear about when I discussed my previous sexcapades as a young adult. Has this insight been useful to you " It was very because I was able to realise when I was 'not in control' and find other means of fixing it. I still enjoy sex now but not to the extent I was back in my early adulthood | |||
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. Firstly I thought I was all in my head coming from a conservative family where they didn't care about mental health while my friends teachers and peers always told me I had it since school and i didnt read up about it . Funnily enough when I moved abroad I talked to a counselor which said the same thing and my reaction was OK I have heard this before is this a bird or something ... She got me an appointment and told me to get tested and I got like a very high reading for it .. Please get yourself tested and follow the GP advice it will do you so much good | |||
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"I find I'm getting worse as I get older. I wouldn't have tried it on with a married co-worker before, yet now we fuck regularly where we could easily get caught in work. I have even started being ridiculously flirty in work emails etc I think it's a real thing and not sure how to manage it 🙈" I think, but I'm not certain, that the trick is to find your dopamine hit somewhere else, somewhere safer. I thinks it's the dopamine deficit we struggle with. | |||
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"I find I'm getting worse as I get older. I wouldn't have tried it on with a married co-worker before, yet now we fuck regularly where we could easily get caught in work. I have even started being ridiculously flirty in work emails etc I think it's a real thing and not sure how to manage it 🙈 I think, but I'm not certain, that the trick is to find your dopamine hit somewhere else, somewhere safer. I thinks it's the dopamine deficit we struggle with." Could he right as after I've cum it's more than post nut clarity, I keep saying I'll stop but I can't | |||
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"I find I'm getting worse as I get older. I wouldn't have tried it on with a married co-worker before, yet now we fuck regularly where we could easily get caught in work. I have even started being ridiculously flirty in work emails etc I think it's a real thing and not sure how to manage it 🙈" They say when you hit 40 things get worse. | |||
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"I find I'm getting worse as I get older. I wouldn't have tried it on with a married co-worker before, yet now we fuck regularly where we could easily get caught in work. I have even started being ridiculously flirty in work emails etc I think it's a real thing and not sure how to manage it 🙈 They say when you hit 40 things get worse. " This true? | |||
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"I think one if my problems has been that I thought everyone feels this way but it turns out they don't. And yet I always felt different from everyone else as well." That’s one of the problems. Spend your life not feeling you fit in, yet still thinking others are wired the same. Then once you realise why you are how you are, for example adhd you are then left wondering what “normal” feels like! | |||
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" They say when you hit 40 things get worse. This true?" Yes! ADHD is obviously always present, but it’s pretty challenging in childhood up until early twenties, then as your life settles down so does your adhd. But from around 40, it’s back to kick your ass 🤣 | |||
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" They say when you hit 40 things get worse. This true? Yes! ADHD is obviously always present, but it’s pretty challenging in childhood up until early twenties, then as your life settles down so does your adhd. But from around 40, it’s back to kick your ass 🤣" Just turned 40 thank fuck for that huh | |||
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"One thing I’m very aware of is that a LOT of what I do/regular habits in my life is chasing a dopamine hit! Whether that’s knocking one out, sexual encounters, risk taking, retail therapy or drinking plenty of caffeine it’s all for the dopamine! " Yup that's me 100% | |||
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" Just turned 40 thank fuck for that huh" Most probably it then bud! | |||
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"I just have to process things a lot more doing them which I never used too " In what way hun? Process as in Thinking about things? Over thinking things is a huge part of adhd and can be a nightmare! | |||
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"One thing I’m very aware of is that a LOT of what I do/regular habits in my life is chasing a dopamine hit! Whether that’s knocking one out, sexual encounters, risk taking, retail therapy or drinking plenty of caffeine it’s all for the dopamine! " Dammit, I never considered caffeine. I am an overeater as my brain has learned that's an easy hit. | |||
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" Dammit, I never considered caffeine. I am an overeater as my brain has learned that's an easy hit." Yep it’s definitely a nice easy one to have a tea or coffee! If you have adhd you will also find the caffeine is NOT effecting you as it would a neurotypical person, it wont stop you sleeping for example! (same with energy drinks, cocaine, amphetamines etc). For them it speeds things up, but as neurodiverse are already 100 miles an hour and our brains are wired differently it slows us down and allows us to focus.
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" Dammit, I never considered caffeine. I am an overeater as my brain has learned that's an easy hit. Yep it’s definitely a nice easy one to have a tea or coffee! If you have adhd you will also find the caffeine is NOT effecting you as it would a neurotypical person, it wont stop you sleeping for example! (same with energy drinks, cocaine, amphetamines etc). For them it speeds things up, but as neurodiverse are already 100 miles an hour and our brains are wired differently it slows us down and allows us to focus.
"I took E once and needed to go to bed. I never understood at the time but it makes sense now. I usually start yawning after a coffee. | |||
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" Dammit, I never considered caffeine. I am an overeater as my brain has learned that's an easy hit. Yep it’s definitely a nice easy one to have a tea or coffee! If you have adhd you will also find the caffeine is NOT effecting you as it would a neurotypical person, it wont stop you sleeping for example! (same with energy drinks, cocaine, amphetamines etc). For them it speeds things up, but as neurodiverse are already 100 miles an hour and our brains are wired differently it slows us down and allows us to focus.
I took E once and needed to go to bed. I never understood at the time but it makes sense now. I usually start yawning after a coffee."I once took a massive dose of LSD .everyone told me I'd be awake for 24 hours. I fell asleep whilst watching movie a few hours in  | |||
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Will going private give a globally recognised diagnosis? | |||
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"'not diagnosed but something's not right' That's me: with an official assessment not diagnosis. That session proved that I do have TRAITS of ADHD and Dyscalculia (that's numbers, planning and memory issues). None of these conditions exist in isolation, so along with IBS and oat intolerance (Gluten is healthy for me) and diverticular disease. My whole gut brain link is giving me problems and it's going to take a lot of joined up thinking and cross specialist head scratching in order to get to the bottom of this. A lot of this dates back to 1981, so I am NOT jumping on the trendy-to-be-ill-bandwagon. Waiting times are in years
Will going private give a globally recognised diagnosis?"I recognise the ISB thing as well. | |||
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"'not diagnosed but something's not right' That's me: with an official assessment not diagnosis. That session proved that I do have TRAITS of ADHD and Dyscalculia (that's numbers, planning and memory issues). None of these conditions exist in isolation, so along with IBS and oat intolerance (Gluten is healthy for me) and diverticular disease. My whole gut brain link is giving me problems and it's going to take a lot of joined up thinking and cross specialist head scratching in order to get to the bottom of this. A lot of this dates back to 1981, so I am NOT jumping on the trendy-to-be-ill-bandwagon. Waiting times are in years
Will going private give a globally recognised diagnosis?
I recognise the ISB thing as well. "How are you managing? | |||
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"'not diagnosed but something's not right' That's me: with an official assessment not diagnosis. That session proved that I do have TRAITS of ADHD and Dyscalculia (that's numbers, planning and memory issues). None of these conditions exist in isolation, so along with IBS and oat intolerance (Gluten is healthy for me) and diverticular disease. My whole gut brain link is giving me problems and it's going to take a lot of joined up thinking and cross specialist head scratching in order to get to the bottom of this. A lot of this dates back to 1981, so I am NOT jumping on the trendy-to-be-ill-bandwagon. Waiting times are in years
Will going private give a globally recognised diagnosis?
I recognise the ISB thing as well.
How are you managing?"Well I've been masking for nearly 50 years. Bottling it up and pushing it down without realising what it was until a few months ago so...it's very much a work in progress ATM. | |||
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"What happened a few months ago" I self diagnosed myself as autistic/adhd. Then everything made sense. | |||
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"What happened a few months ago I self diagnosed myself as autistic/adhd. Then everything made sense. " What happens next? | |||
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"What happened a few months ago I self diagnosed myself as autistic/adhd. Then everything made sense. What happens next?" Frankly I don't know. There's something like a ten year waiting list for adult diagnosis here in Sheffield. | |||
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"What do you think an official diagnosis would bring " The rubber stamp that can carry a lot of weight and hopefully a prescription, that should help with the symptoms. ie, being able to sleep, improved memory and the ability to think clearer...I imagine | |||
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"What do you think an official diagnosis would bring " This is the question! Is it really worth pursuing for what might be a decade? I'll be nearly 60 by that point and, frankly, the damage has already been done. So, I'm asking myself the very same question. | |||
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"What do you think an official diagnosis would bring The rubber stamp that can carry a lot of weight and hopefully a prescription, that should help with the symptoms. ie, being able to sleep, improved memory and the ability to think clearer...I imagine" ^^^ | |||
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"I think the risky sex and paraphilias/hypersexuality is down to sensory stuff. A search for dopamine." I'm entirely convinced most 'sex pest' behavior is sensory seeking. I haven't had sex in seven years ATM but if I developed a safe aquantance and we started having sex... He'd quickly tire of me wanting to keep going and go again, touch.. I've had an ex partner during a hook up say 'ergh id forgotten you were like this' and that was the first I even considered it might be a problem haha Like another comment above I've always had 'rules' or standard of communication required before I'd be willing to engage with someone sexually. It's never been an excitement for risk for me it's always been either riding the high of feeling connected to someone, sharing an experience or wanting to experience something and this being my best option to try and enjoy. | |||
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"What do you think an official diagnosis would bring This is the question! Is it really worth pursuing for what might be a decade? I'll be nearly 60 by that point and, frankly, the damage has already been done. So, I'm asking myself the very same question." Same here. My fear is trying different meds that ultimately wont make any difference. At this moment,I am ok and managing so why rock that boat | |||
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"Does anyone find they use sex to regulate at all? Have found myself using it to get that connection with another person for dopamine, but it’s usually the fastest way to regulate and get back to myself when I’m in a spiral. When you add the impulsivity stuff in it can sometimes lead you to risky places I guess. " Yes I have done. Didn't realise it at the time because I wasn't diagnosed then. But I recognise it now looking back | |||
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" Yes I have done. Didn't realise it at the time because I wasn't diagnosed then. But I recognise it now looking back" Yea that’s fair. There’s so much there when you look back on it. Is it something that happens as much now you know? | |||
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"Does anyone find they use sex to regulate at all? Have found myself using it to get that connection with another person for dopamine, but it’s usually the fastest way to regulate and get back to myself when I’m in a spiral. When you add the impulsivity stuff in it can sometimes lead you to risky places I guess. " Absolutely 100% | |||
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"What do you think an official diagnosis would bring This is the question! Is it really worth pursuing for what might be a decade? I'll be nearly 60 by that point and, frankly, the damage has already been done. So, I'm asking myself the very same question. Same here. My fear is trying different meds that ultimately wont make any difference. At this moment,I am ok and managing so why rock that boat " I'm diagnosed but unmedicated...you dont have to go down the meds route. Just having the diagnosis and being able to seek out specific therapy designed to work through and around the things I find challenging as well as doing a lot if my own learning and being able to enable my partner to understand some of the things I struggle with have been complete game changers for me. Working on emotional regulation was relationship saving... P  | |||
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"I'm diagnosed but unmedicated...you dont have to go down the meds route. Just having the diagnosis and being able to seek out specific therapy designed to work through and around the things I find challenging as well as doing a lot if my own learning and being able to enable my partner to understand some of the things I struggle with have been complete game changers for me. Working on emotional regulation was relationship saving... P "I guess this is the thing. You don’t need to be diagnosed to learn about it and yourself, but having a diagnosis can help in terms of accepting yourself. Validation can be so vital. Then it would depend on what help you need so meds or coaching or financial help. All depends on how hard the struggle is and how quickly you need it fixed. Have definitely got a mantra of not always doing things in hard mode now. For me, learning, diagnosis and meds have helped with this. | |||
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" Yes I have done. Didn't realise it at the time because I wasn't diagnosed then. But I recognise it now looking back Yea that’s fair. There’s so much there when you look back on it. Is it something that happens as much now you know?" To be fair I was only diagnosed 4 months ago. But so far - no. Not too much of an exaggeration to say the diagnosis has been life changing. I now have reasons for so many aspects of my life. Just not solutions to many of my issues - yet | |||
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". At least I now know why I do the things I do even if I can't really control them." 1000% this! This is where I'm at right now. And it makes a HUGE difference | |||
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"I'm undiagnosed but I'm pretty certain I'm autistic and ADHD and I think it manifests in paraphilias and risky sexual behaviour. Does anyone have any experience or advice with this? I'm feeling pretty confused at the moment." This can only be determined by proffessionals why ask on here seek a doctor | |||
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"I'm undiagnosed but I'm pretty certain I'm autistic and ADHD and I think it manifests in paraphilias and risky sexual behaviour. Does anyone have any experience or advice with this? I'm feeling pretty confused at the moment. This can only be determined by proffessionals why ask on here seek a doctor" Nah, such an ignorant take. Autistic people with actual lived experience determine how their neurodivergence affects them. A lot of the professionals have no idea and base their "knowledge" on outdated research | |||
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"I'm undiagnosed but I'm pretty certain I'm autistic and ADHD and I think it manifests in paraphilias and risky sexual behaviour. Does anyone have any experience or advice with this? I'm feeling pretty confused at the moment. This can only be determined by proffessionals why ask on here seek a doctor Nah, such an ignorant take. Autistic people with actual lived experience determine how their neurodivergence affects them. A lot of the professionals have no idea and base their "knowledge" on outdated research " Autism is rife in my family, I’m defensive too. But it’s a super power when nurtured. My family is very artistic, musical, scientific, entrepreneurial, linguistically flavoured and also struggles socially sometimes, even though they are doing very well in what could be deemed, in their normal life. Behind the scenes we need to chill, blow off steam with wine or . Not me any more ten last one but I did self medicate for years. I think autism has been a gift for me. Another way of looking at autism is they are people who are people who are brilliantly sensitive, who feel differently to people not on the spectrum. They feel more, notice more and often achieve the SAME, as all the other lovely people in the world x | |||
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"The aspergers diagnosis must be quite old now? " It's still used in the NHS - the databases in Europe are still catching up with the latest ICD-11 criteria. It's not been used in the US for a few years. | |||
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"I have a brother and son diagnosed with ASD, son with ADD too. I definitely have ADD though undiagnosed. I love risky sex, fucking married men, getting caught, bareback. It's definitely a dopamine hit." That makes absolute sense. | |||
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"Not diagnosed but many in the family are, my counsellor mentioned that many use sex as a means of control/selfharm in their life when they don't feel in control. Not sure if that would be the case for alot but it certainly was for me. " What she says 👍🏻 | |||
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"I’m 42 just been diagnosed with combined ADHD, Autism, OCD and ODD. Happy to talk to anyone regarding this " How long was the GP, assessment and diagnosis timescale? | |||
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"I have Aspergers & I was diagnosed in my late teens . Ive always struggled with the dating the side of things & alot of people Ive grown up with have all had relationships, married , kids & I’m still on my own but really miss the psychical side & lots of fun. " Amen to that. Been the same although I was diagnosed when I was 3 | |||
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"I have Aspergers & I was diagnosed in my late teens . Ive always struggled with the dating the side of things & alot of people Ive grown up with have all had relationships, married , kids & I’m still on my own but really miss the psychical side & lots of fun. Amen to that. Been the same although I was diagnosed when I was 3 "How do you cope with yours ? | |||
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"I have a brother and son diagnosed with ASD, son with ADD too. I definitely have ADD though undiagnosed." do you mind pm-ing me? | |||
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"I'm undiagnosed but I'm pretty certain I'm autistic and ADHD and I think it manifests in paraphilias and risky sexual behaviour. Does anyone have any experience or advice with this? I'm feeling pretty confused at the moment. There are a lot of scientific papers on this subject online, so it’s a fairly common thing. Unfortunately, having ADHD and reading scientific papers does not go hand in hand. Please see my previous post about my experience with medication and its affect on impulsiveness. I know the route to medication is long and torturous but it really does help." I have very severe combined type ADHD (finally Dx at 46, better late than never) and as a child I was very much 'hyperlexic' - aged 7 I was reading books aimed at 16-18 year old teens and adults. And reading scientific articles about 'stuff' is just how I relax these days. Hence why I can info dump about anything from mycology to the quirks of 90s BMW engines or geopolitics or the psychedelic revolution. But I'm also chronically overworked and underpaid. I do have dispraxia, discalculia and a load of other bollocks to deal with that makes me look like a total idiot at times. And of course the lack of picking up on (or misreading of) social cues etc.. | |||
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"Thank you all for responding so openly and honestly. I think I suffer from understimulation and I'm always craving the dopamine. Food is an easy solution but I often find it in unhealthy meets with people I shouldn't meet. " Hugs I've been there: meeting people I shouldn't meet which is why I have my meeting procedure now to increase safety in groups. | |||
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"I speak with personal and professional expertise. Everyone is unique, there is no normal. We need to stop medicalising and labelling expecting that will make us feel better and just be accepting of each other’s differences. People use ASC and ADHD to explain traits that are so diverse it gets silly. Just be you. " If only it was so easy. I just had my claim by the Employment tribunal accepted because my Employer via my line managed has failed to implement reasonable adjustments. It's alright for you when you can hide in plain sight at work, in relationships and social situations. I cannot and it is therefore disabling and with no label, I can't even begin to explain to occupational health, the DWP or the Tribunal Judge my constant daily struggles. My line manager asked me to tone down my autism.....Yes because of course I can tone down a genetic neurodevelopment condition that I was born with that gets harder with age and the increase in responsibilities....... It's not us. It's the majority of society that doesn't accept us. Pretending that we are all neuro-diverse to the same level of functioning is invalidating to people challenges and obstacles that they face daily/hourly. I couldn't get treatment on the NHS without a label and my main and most effective treatment was intensive psychotherapy not medication. | |||
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"Diagnosed AuDHD last year Like a constant war going on, ADHD loves the impulse i.e. socials can turn to fun so quickly and the autism is in the background tryna reign me in and give me logic as to why this is a bad idea Impulse control 1/10 usually 🤦🏼♀️ And I am medicated and the meds help but only so much. " Totallly agrees with this | |||
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"Recently diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 58. I have always taken the riskier option in life available to me. For me it's the excitement of uncertainty, which compliment an ADHD persons more chaotic, disorganised life style. And attracted to doing things to extreme - if I drank ( don't anymore) work, or party. Not yet had titration but will and see how things differ. So anyone want me to organise them a GB? Lol." GB sounds like a great idea to my BPD side. My autistic and trauma sides are like hell to the fucking no!! I lean more to risk-averse but occasionally the wild BPD side wins out. | |||
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"AuDHD here. I am quite risk averse overall, yet I do think that sex with strangers is still risk taking behaviour and I do seek that (what a contradiction!) - I satiate the au part of me by having a set of rules I follow that must be reached before I engage in the risky behaviour. This has evolved over time and with experience. I actually think my presence in this area of society is significantly more sensory-seeking driven than a desire for risk. " Absolutely this. The risk isn't the appeal but the sensory and cerebral satisfaction. It's why I crave hearing about people's stories and fantasies and helping them try them out. I get a huge high not only from my own intense sensory moments but from others as well. A kind of passive high. Also an interesting neurospicy thing. I feel no jealousy! A bit of insecurity sometimes but I bluntly talk about it and it is swiftly dispelled. We have a good awareness of NRE versus the relationship we have built up for the last 10 years. | |||
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"AuDHD here. I am quite risk averse overall, yet I do think that sex with strangers is still risk taking behaviour and I do seek that (what a contradiction!) - I satiate the au part of me by having a set of rules I follow that must be reached before I engage in the risky behaviour. This has evolved over time and with experience. I actually think my presence in this area of society is significantly more sensory-seeking driven than a desire for risk. Absolutely this. The risk isn't the appeal but the sensory and cerebral satisfaction. It's why I crave hearing about people's stories and fantasies and helping them try them out. I get a huge high not only from my own intense sensory moments but from others as well. A kind of passive high. Also an interesting neurospicy thing. I feel no jealousy! A bit of insecurity sometimes but I bluntly talk about it and it is swiftly dispelled. We have a good awareness of NRE versus the relationship we have built up for the last 10 years." I really get that no jealousy feeling. Makes being married to a hot wife much easier lol. But it also means you can miss social cues and less sensitive to your partner. 12steps and psychotherapy much more helpful in doing root cause analysis of less desired behaviours. actually helped massively in understanding my place in this world without sacrificing my personality and desires. | |||
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"I have a brother and son diagnosed with ASD, son with ADD too. I definitely have ADD though undiagnosed. I love risky sex, fucking married men, getting caught, bareback. It's definitely a dopamine hit." It’s all about the dopamine hit…I just have to have it sometimes, regardless of the risks. | |||
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"I think it's a complicated situation and it's certainly not a one size fits all scenario. I'm just looking for explanations/reasons for my behaviours. I have suffered from sensory overload during sex where I've had to stop completely. Sometimes I just cannot tolerate being touched at all and, frankly, sexual partners don't like it when you say "don't touch me please" and it's very distressing as I haven't been able to make them understand it's not an insult. However, I also know that I feel hypersexualised because of the dopamine craving. I get bored during sex very quickly and my unstoppable internal constant monologue often kills my election stone dead. This also tends to annoy a sexual partner and I can't help it. I've always found sex a mass of contradictions for me and it's often a very painful and traumatic experience. " Hugs. This all resonates with me. I also can get overstimulated by sex. It's perfectly acceptable to ask for a break and my male partners also ask for a break too sometimes. We can't help what upsets other people in relation to our neurodivergent brains. We can only ask them for understanding. Which is why I put my diagnoses on my profile so that people know they have to treat me with a certain level of understanding and communication. I try to have the same with my playmates. I'm learning about pre-care and aftercare in the BDSM world and it's very different from how most of us have sex in vanilla world. It takes practice and a calm, relaxing, blocked-off schedule of time. I'm able to get my body and mind to relax through my learnt therapy skills so I can only suggest that if you struggle with the overstimulation, boredom and internal monologue. If things are at the level of traumatic, I can only suggest working with a sex therapist, especially a LGBTQIA one. I'm in therapy so I regularly work through processing things in my brain to feel whole. | |||
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"I think it's a complicated situation and it's certainly not a one size fits all scenario. I'm just looking for explanations/reasons for my behaviours. I have suffered from sensory overload during sex where I've had to stop completely. Sometimes I just cannot tolerate being touched at all and, frankly, sexual partners don't like it when you say "don't touch me please" and it's very distressing as I haven't been able to make them understand it's not an insult. However, I also know that I feel hypersexualised because of the dopamine craving. I get bored during sex very quickly and my unstoppable internal constant monologue often kills my election stone dead. This also tends to annoy a sexual partner and I can't help it. I've always found sex a mass of contradictions for me and it's often a very painful and traumatic experience. Hugs. This all resonates with me. I also can get overstimulated by sex. It's perfectly acceptable to ask for a break and my male partners also ask for a break too sometimes. We can't help what upsets other people in relation to our neurodivergent brains. We can only ask them for understanding. Which is why I put my diagnoses on my profile so that people know they have to treat me with a certain level of understanding and communication. I try to have the same with my playmates. I'm learning about pre-care and aftercare in the BDSM world and it's very different from how most of us have sex in vanilla world. It takes practice and a calm, relaxing, blocked-off schedule of time. I'm able to get my body and mind to relax through my learnt therapy skills so I can only suggest that if you struggle with the overstimulation, boredom and internal monologue. If things are at the level of traumatic, I can only suggest working with a sex therapist, especially a LGBTQIA one. I'm in therapy so I regularly work through processing things in my brain to feel whole." Thank you for your reply. You're very beautiful BTW. | |||
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"AuDHD here. I am quite risk averse overall, yet I do think that sex with strangers is still risk taking behaviour and I do seek that (what a contradiction!) - I satiate the au part of me by having a set of rules I follow that must be reached before I engage in the risky behaviour. This has evolved over time and with experience. I actually think my presence in this area of society is significantly more sensory-seeking driven than a desire for risk. " | |||
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"I’m Michael I’m 41 & I have aspergers/autism & adhd as a child which I was on medication for , I would like to ask for some advice , does anyone struggle to let things that bother them go over their head & digest information, when I’m talking to others I cant seem to think of a response quick enough on that topic to respond with & I’m constantly beating myself up mentally & having self doubt all the time, Ive also got diabetes type 2 & I cant stop eating all the wrong things , its like I just cant get a grip on life . Any advice would be appreciated " I can't give you any specific advice beyond telling you that you are not alone with thr issues you are having. My best advice is for you to look first local autism and adhd support groups. Hope you get the support you feel you need. | |||
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"I’m Michael I’m 41 & I have aspergers/autism & adhd as a child which I was on medication for , I would like to ask for some advice , does anyone struggle to let things that bother them go over their head & digest information, when I’m talking to others I cant seem to think of a response quick enough on that topic to respond with & I’m constantly beating myself up mentally & having self doubt all the time, Ive also got diabetes type 2 & I cant stop eating all the wrong things , its like I just cant get a grip on life . Any advice would be appreciated " Yes and therapy and peer support groups...lots of it. | |||
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"I've never associated my urges for risky behaviour with my AuDHD before so this thread is incredibly interesting and affirming " I can relate to this too. Really gets me thinking. Not so much risky, but the variety is something I can really relate too. | |||
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"I find I'm getting worse as I get older. I wouldn't have tried it on with a married co-worker before, yet now we fuck regularly where we could easily get caught in work. I have even started being ridiculously flirty in work emails etc I think it's a real thing and not sure how to manage it 🙈 They say when you hit 40 things get worse. " This is definitely true with me. The ADHD after 40 finally pushed my anxiety to unbearable levels. | |||
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"Im sure it's why I'm so risky. Normal wouldn't work after the wild stuff" Same, once I went kinky and freaky, I couldn’t go back, didn’t get the same rush | |||
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"I didn't know risky sex was a symptom of ADHD. Is anxiety a symptom too?. I'm thinking I'm normal but maybe I've got a condition. It seems very common these days for most people to have something. Is there a test that I can do, maybe online that can maybe figure it out? " Yes, anxiety can be a symptom of adhd.Read up and see if anything rings a bell. Of course you may just suffer from a general anxiety disorder. | |||
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