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Feeling guilty

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By *litterbabe OP   Woman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

Does anybody feel a bit guilty about the fact that we are supposed to just stay home whenever possible?

I have two children being homeschooled here, plus a third on furlough.

I'm sleeping more than I normally would and having a lot more time to watch the telly, cook and do any DIY jobs that I wouldn't normally have time for.

Inside of my home it feels like a safe bubble from the world and almost an escape, (or it would be if I could potentially turn my thoughts off.)

Normally I lead quite a fast-paced life, managing to see friends and family, work and and somehow pull everything together.

My work is completely cancelled, without any financial assistance, but I'm not really stressing too much about that and we are living very frugally, there really isn't much to spend money on apart from household bills and food.

I know my behaviour is appropriate for the situation as we do need to stay home, but part of me does feel guilty as it is very conflicting to how I have lived my life before this happened to the world.

Before this I didn't have enough time to be at home, now I have 24-hours a day 7-days a week.

I just wondered if this makes any sense and can anybody can relate?

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

I had this feeling in the first lockdown and I had a mental breakdown at the end of the first two weeks, I couldn't stop crying and I realised after writing down my feelings that I was mourning my fast paced life, friends, socialising etc. After that I stopped feeling down and embraced it as a chance to spend quality time with my family and that got me through till I started work again in June.

This lockdown I'm required to work so not a lot has changed for me as I avoid people whenever I can in non lockdown

So after my waffling... I'd just embrace it x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do you mean you are feeling guilty for not spending as much time with your kids in the past before covid?

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By *litterbabe OP   Woman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.


"Do you mean you are feeling guilty for not spending as much time with your kids in the past before covid? "

No not at all, I used to spend Every night when they were home from school and all weekend with them so we always had lots of time together.

I've always felt it's important to work whenever possible and now now it's not something I feel I'm able to do until the end of this.

I'm feeling guilty about how things are now rather than how things used to be.

It seems a hard adjustment to accept that it's not the right time for me to be seeking other work until my industry (events) is able to regenerate itself.

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By *litterbabe OP   Woman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.


"I had this feeling in the first lockdown and I had a mental breakdown at the end of the first two weeks, I couldn't stop crying and I realised after writing down my feelings that I was mourning my fast paced life, friends, socialising etc. After that I stopped feeling down and embraced it as a chance to spend quality time with my family and that got me through till I started work again in June.

This lockdown I'm required to work so not a lot has changed for me as I avoid people whenever I can in non lockdown

So after my waffling... I'd just embrace it x"

I am trying to embrace it, and I do feel that's what I need to do, it just sometimes feels a bit difficult as it's very different to my life before the virus, and what I thought I should be doing with my time.

I do realise there are many people who are working very long shifts keeping us safe and doing everything they can for the human race right now, I am very grateful for that and possibly that is part of my feelings of guilt.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Ah guilt. We're encouraged by peer pressure and society to feel guilty if we're not busy. I don't know why.

It is actually OK to not be full on. Sometimes it's preferable.

Our kids didn't do loads of after school clubs. They didn't want to. A lot of their friends parents were incredulous and used to ask "but how do you keep them entertained?". It just seemed odd to me that people thought being constantly occupied was somehow more virtuous than spending time talking, reading or just being.

When I retired people asked "what do you do all day? " with a pitying look. I admit it yolk me years to fully accept that it was alright for me to not be acceptably active 24/7.

Embrace it, enjoy it and don't feel even faintly guilty. You'll be back on the treadmill soon enough.

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By *konCouple
over a year ago

cardiff

To nicecouple 561

Absolutely. Well said

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By *litterbabe OP   Woman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.


"Ah guilt. We're encouraged by peer pressure and society to feel guilty if we're not busy. I don't know why.

It is actually OK to not be full on. Sometimes it's preferable.

Our kids didn't do loads of after school clubs. They didn't want to. A lot of their friends parents were incredulous and used to ask "but how do you keep them entertained?". It just seemed odd to me that people thought being constantly occupied was somehow more virtuous than spending time talking, reading or just being.

When I retired people asked "what do you do all day? " with a pitying look. I admit it yolk me years to fully accept that it was alright for me to not be acceptably active 24/7.

Embrace it, enjoy it and don't feel even faintly guilty. You'll be back on the treadmill soon enough. "

Thank you, that is really helpful

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Do you mean you are feeling guilty for not spending as much time with your kids in the past before covid?

No not at all, I used to spend Every night when they were home from school and all weekend with them so we always had lots of time together.

I've always felt it's important to work whenever possible and now now it's not something I feel I'm able to do until the end of this.

I'm feeling guilty about how things are now rather than how things used to be.

It seems a hard adjustment to accept that it's not the right time for me to be seeking other work until my industry (events) is able to regenerate itself.

"

Still a bit confused what you mean then, sorry. My fault not yours.

Not working is still 'helping'. If you are ok not working then you are letting someone else have the job that you would have had, maybe they need it more. (That makes sense to me, my description is probably pants!)

Staying home is helping as you're less likely to catch covid and put another strain on the health service.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"To nicecouple 561

Absolutely. Well said "

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Ah guilt. We're encouraged by peer pressure and society to feel guilty if we're not busy. I don't know why.

It is actually OK to not be full on. Sometimes it's preferable.

Our kids didn't do loads of after school clubs. They didn't want to. A lot of their friends parents were incredulous and used to ask "but how do you keep them entertained?". It just seemed odd to me that people thought being constantly occupied was somehow more virtuous than spending time talking, reading or just being.

When I retired people asked "what do you do all day? " with a pitying look. I admit it yolk me years to fully accept that it was alright for me to not be acceptably active 24/7.

Embrace it, enjoy it and don't feel even faintly guilty. You'll be back on the treadmill soon enough.

Thank you, that is really helpful"

You're welcome.

I really enjoy my life and I do very little that the outside world would find "productive" or " useful"but I do loads of things every day that make me feel content. I'd enjoy it even more of I could get out to a restaurant mind you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think a lot of people a feeling like that and actually I think some of us have realised did we need to be as busy as we were.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I think a lot of people a feeling like that and actually I think some of us have realised did we need to be as busy as we were.

"

It can be a habit. Also a lot of people see being busy as a good thing that makes you a bit better than the not busy people.

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By *unnyPairCouple
over a year ago

Seminole

I’m actually feeling a bit different in the sense that I’m thinking about what all the young people are missing out on. Even a hundred years ago things were “roaring”, and people were discovering travel and so on. Young people in their prime aren’t afforded the opportunity to do much right now, and for that, I feel bad.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think a lot of people a feeling like that and actually I think some of us have realised did we need to be as busy as we were.

It can be a habit. Also a lot of people see being busy as a good thing that makes you a bit better than the not busy people. "

Yes definitely agree with that.

Its almost like how busy you are is seen maker of success.

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire


"Ah guilt. We're encouraged by peer pressure and society to feel guilty if we're not busy. I don't know why.

It is actually OK to not be full on. Sometimes it's preferable.

Our kids didn't do loads of after school clubs. They didn't want to. A lot of their friends parents were incredulous and used to ask "but how do you keep them entertained?". It just seemed odd to me that people thought being constantly occupied was somehow more virtuous than spending time talking, reading or just being.

When I retired people asked "what do you do all day? " with a pitying look. I admit it yolk me years to fully accept that it was alright for me to not be acceptably active 24/7.

Embrace it, enjoy it and don't feel even faintly guilty. You'll be back on the treadmill soon enough. "

A lot of truth in this, when I was retired on medical grounds a lot of my still serving and retired colleagues were shocked when I said I had no plans to carry in doing some sort of paid work..

Especially from a male perspective it is looked upon by some as you have to work till you drop which I fully understand is the financial reality for some, certainly not been idle as anyone whose kids have brought property will know how much help they often need..

We have an ethos of live to work and yes it's a complex issue but other nations seem to cherish and encourage a better work/life balance..

As for guilt, had enough of that negative poison growing up under a Catholic education regime so that's binned long ago..

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By *wisted999Man
over a year ago

North Bucks


"I’m actually feeling a bit different in the sense that I’m thinking about what all the young people are missing out on. Even a hundred years ago things were “roaring”, and people were discovering travel and so on. Young people in their prime aren’t afforded the opportunity to do much right now, and for that, I feel bad."

My Nephews and Niece have had a torrid time. The time that they are meant to be cutting loose at Uni has been horrendous for them. To their credit though they have been very responsible.

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire


"I’m actually feeling a bit different in the sense that I’m thinking about what all the young people are missing out on. Even a hundred years ago things were “roaring”, and people were discovering travel and so on. Young people in their prime aren’t afforded the opportunity to do much right now, and for that, I feel bad."

Can relate to that aspect as yes it's become the norm for the youngsters to hop on a whatever and travel broadly, but hold to the thought that they are quite adaptable and will get on with how things change in due course..

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I think a lot of people a feeling like that and actually I think some of us have realised did we need to be as busy as we were.

It can be a habit. Also a lot of people see being busy as a good thing that makes you a bit better than the not busy people.

Yes definitely agree with that.

Its almost like how busy you are is seen maker of success. "

I wonder if my attitude stems from my idea of success not being tied up with money or possessions. I'm not critical of people who do feel that money = success, I'd not turn down a windfall

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Ah guilt. We're encouraged by peer pressure and society to feel guilty if we're not busy. I don't know why.

It is actually OK to not be full on. Sometimes it's preferable.

Our kids didn't do loads of after school clubs. They didn't want to. A lot of their friends parents were incredulous and used to ask "but how do you keep them entertained?". It just seemed odd to me that people thought being constantly occupied was somehow more virtuous than spending time talking, reading or just being.

When I retired people asked "what do you do all day? " with a pitying look. I admit it yolk me years to fully accept that it was alright for me to not be acceptably active 24/7.

Embrace it, enjoy it and don't feel even faintly guilty. You'll be back on the treadmill soon enough.

A lot of truth in this, when I was retired on medical grounds a lot of my still serving and retired colleagues were shocked when I said I had no plans to carry in doing some sort of paid work..

Especially from a male perspective it is looked upon by some as you have to work till you drop which I fully understand is the financial reality for some, certainly not been idle as anyone whose kids have brought property will know how much help they often need..

We have an ethos of live to work and yes it's a complex issue but other nations seem to cherish and encourage a better work/life balance..

As for guilt, had enough of that negative poison growing up under a Catholic education regime so that's binned long ago.."

A lot of my colleagues asked if I was going to look for a part-time job. I did return to my old job in various roles and was met with incredulity when I only agreed to two days a week .

Mr N and I have had some marvellous adventures since we retired. We can go to bed when we want to, get up when we want to, go out, stay in, make love, eat, do anything we want, any time We want. We still thank our lucky stars every Sunday night and sometimes can't believe our luck. Well, covid has kind of put the dampers on some of that.

I don't think that's anything to feel bad about

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By *luttyLaylaWoman
over a year ago

North West

Please don’t feel guilty for doing your best and what you think is right during an awful time xx

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By *ethnmelvCouple
over a year ago

Cardiff

I guess the nearest equivalence the country has had is WW2. Probably not too many people on here experienced it though. From talking to my parents and grandparents, large parts of the war felt distant from them but every now and then a bomb or a letter/telegram would shatter how people were feeling. For many it was a ‘false war’, in the sense that it affected the country, but not them personally - except for rationing and light curfews.

In many ways Covid is very similar, for those that it doesn’t affect through illness or loss, it feels ‘false’, but when they are impacted it feels raw and real.

It is perfectly normal to look at the way we are trying to cope and thinking we are either lucky, or feeling it is unfair to those that can’t cope or have lost someone. We will learn how to cope better with Covid, it may take another year, it may in fact become a recurring challenge. But the important thing is to live for now, don’t put yourself, or others at risk, be kind to people and remember that those on the front line actually are ‘fighting’ for their lives and those around them.

Stay safe & be kind everybody

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It makes perfect sense but you have to consider your mental health right now. Don't beat yourself up because there's not much about it that you can control.

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By *inchyorksMan
over a year ago

huddersfield

I felt more guilty when the restrictions where relaxed, guilt about not going to gym etc, now its back into more restrictions and i can shift the guilt to, well we aren't allowed to do anything, if that makes sense.

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By *0shadesOfFilthMan
over a year ago

nearby

No one should feel guilty staying in keeping their family and the greater population at large safe.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i worked on events too so missing the buzz and collectiveness of that..

don't feel guilty for enjoying time at home but do think of the people for whom home is a more complicated notion like the homeless and people who may be in b+b and other situations

d

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By *litterbabe OP   Woman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.


"I guess the nearest equivalence the country has had is WW2. Probably not too many people on here experienced it though. From talking to my parents and grandparents, large parts of the war felt distant from them but every now and then a bomb or a letter/telegram would shatter how people were feeling. For many it was a ‘false war’, in the sense that it affected the country, but not them personally - except for rationing and light curfews.

In many ways Covid is very similar, for those that it doesn’t affect through illness or loss, it feels ‘false’, but when they are impacted it feels raw and real.

It is perfectly normal to look at the way we are trying to cope and thinking we are either lucky, or feeling it is unfair to those that can’t cope or have lost someone. We will learn how to cope better with Covid, it may take another year, it may in fact become a recurring challenge. But the important thing is to live for now, don’t put yourself, or others at risk, be kind to people and remember that those on the front line actually are ‘fighting’ for their lives and those around them.

Stay safe & be kind everybody "

Thank you, I will try change how I think about it.

It's just here I am in my my home looking after my children while people are out there are risking their lives daily.

I think it feels a little bit disjointed, unfair, worrying and frustrating all at the same time and your message has helped me understand some of why I feel that.

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire


"Ah guilt. We're encouraged by peer pressure and society to feel guilty if we're not busy. I don't know why.

It is actually OK to not be full on. Sometimes it's preferable.

Our kids didn't do loads of after school clubs. They didn't want to. A lot of their friends parents were incredulous and used to ask "but how do you keep them entertained?". It just seemed odd to me that people thought being constantly occupied was somehow more virtuous than spending time talking, reading or just being.

When I retired people asked "what do you do all day? " with a pitying look. I admit it yolk me years to fully accept that it was alright for me to not be acceptably active 24/7.

Embrace it, enjoy it and don't feel even faintly guilty. You'll be back on the treadmill soon enough.

A lot of truth in this, when I was retired on medical grounds a lot of my still serving and retired colleagues were shocked when I said I had no plans to carry in doing some sort of paid work..

Especially from a male perspective it is looked upon by some as you have to work till you drop which I fully understand is the financial reality for some, certainly not been idle as anyone whose kids have brought property will know how much help they often need..

We have an ethos of live to work and yes it's a complex issue but other nations seem to cherish and encourage a better work/life balance..

As for guilt, had enough of that negative poison growing up under a Catholic education regime so that's binned long ago..

A lot of my colleagues asked if I was going to look for a part-time job. I did return to my old job in various roles and was met with incredulity when I only agreed to two days a week .

Mr N and I have had some marvellous adventures since we retired. We can go to bed when we want to, get up when we want to, go out, stay in, make love, eat, do anything we want, any time We want. We still thank our lucky stars every Sunday night and sometimes can't believe our luck. Well, covid has kind of put the dampers on some of that.

I don't think that's anything to feel bad about

"

There's a lot more to life than material things which some chase at the cost of the things you describe..

Ditto we are very fortunate to be doing ok and are grateful for it, there's a lot to be said for the simpler pleasures in life..

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By *adMerWoman
over a year ago

Sandwich


"I guess the nearest equivalence the country has had is WW2. Probably not too many people on here experienced it though. From talking to my parents and grandparents, large parts of the war felt distant from them but every now and then a bomb or a letter/telegram would shatter how people were feeling. For many it was a ‘false war’, in the sense that it affected the country, but not them personally - except for rationing and light curfews.

In many ways Covid is very similar, for those that it doesn’t affect through illness or loss, it feels ‘false’, but when they are impacted it feels raw and real.

It is perfectly normal to look at the way we are trying to cope and thinking we are either lucky, or feeling it is unfair to those that can’t cope or have lost someone. We will learn how to cope better with Covid, it may take another year, it may in fact become a recurring challenge. But the important thing is to live for now, don’t put yourself, or others at risk, be kind to people and remember that those on the front line actually are ‘fighting’ for their lives and those around them.

Stay safe & be kind everybody

Thank you, I will try change how I think about it.

It's just here I am in my my home looking after my children while people are out there are risking their lives daily.

I think it feels a little bit disjointed, unfair, worrying and frustrating all at the same time and your message has helped me understand some of why I feel that."

Well I am working in care and I would like to say thank you for staying home with your family

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Does anybody feel a bit guilty about the fact that we are supposed to just stay home whenever possible?

I have two children being homeschooled here, plus a third on furlough.

I'm sleeping more than I normally would and having a lot more time to watch the telly, cook and do any DIY jobs that I wouldn't normally have time for.

Inside of my home it feels like a safe bubble from the world and almost an escape, (or it would be if I could potentially turn my thoughts off.)

Normally I lead quite a fast-paced life, managing to see friends and family, work and and somehow pull everything together.

My work is completely cancelled, without any financial assistance, but I'm not really stressing too much about that and we are living very frugally, there really isn't much to spend money on apart from household bills and food.

I know my behaviour is appropriate for the situation as we do need to stay home, but part of me does feel guilty as it is very conflicting to how I have lived my life before this happened to the world.

Before this I didn't have enough time to be at home, now I have 24-hours a day 7-days a week.

I just wondered if this makes any sense and can anybody can relate?

"

Dont feel quilting for doing the right thing

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By *ethnmelvCouple
over a year ago

Cardiff


"I guess the nearest equivalence the country has had is WW2. Probably not too many people on here experienced it though. From talking to my parents and grandparents, large parts of the war felt distant from them but every now and then a bomb or a letter/telegram would shatter how people were feeling. For many it was a ‘false war’, in the sense that it affected the country, but not them personally - except for rationing and light curfews.

In many ways Covid is very similar, for those that it doesn’t affect through illness or loss, it feels ‘false’, but when they are impacted it feels raw and real.

It is perfectly normal to look at the way we are trying to cope and thinking we are either lucky, or feeling it is unfair to those that can’t cope or have lost someone. We will learn how to cope better with Covid, it may take another year, it may in fact become a recurring challenge. But the important thing is to live for now, don’t put yourself, or others at risk, be kind to people and remember that those on the front line actually are ‘fighting’ for their lives and those around them.

Stay safe & be kind everybody

Thank you, I will try change how I think about it.

It's just here I am in my my home looking after my children while people are out there are risking their lives daily.

I think it feels a little bit disjointed, unfair, worrying and frustrating all at the same time and your message has helped me understand some of why I feel that."

No probs. Your post made me think a bit deeper and I think with context it allowed me to relate to what you had written and how I feel as well. We really do owe a great debt to those on the frontline

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have to say that I think that the police are overreacting. We are now seeing people being arrested and fined for the crime of drinking a cup of takeaway coffee while sat on a park bench. I watched a psycholigst on a news channel, explain that the more the government and authorities clamp down. The more the people will push back. This causes the spread obviously. Part of the problem is the reporting of the virus. If you die within 28 days of a positive test you have died if covid. Put that into perspective, if someone dies of kidney failure but had a positive test. The death isn't kidney failure but covid.

Why haven't they released figures for the number of people who have died not of covid but from covid. Cancer, heart, kidney, copd etc. Resources are going to covid at the expense of the seriously ill from other causes. Therefore you stand a better chance of survival from covid than from the other curable diseases that untreated has caused and condemned tens of thousand to a painful undignified death.

My son is a nurse on the covid wards, however its traumatic for the nhs. What do you do. You have to decide who lives and who dies. Treat the heart patient or put the resources into covid care.

Like my son said to me. Its akin to September 15 1940.churchill was at fighter command. He asked the chief raf officer what reserves did he have. The answe none. not what a good situation to be in

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Does anybody feel a bit guilty about the fact that we are supposed to just stay home whenever possible?

I have two children being homeschooled here, plus a third on furlough.

I'm sleeping more than I normally would and having a lot more time to watch the telly, cook and do any DIY jobs that I wouldn't normally have time for.

Inside of my home it feels like a safe bubble from the world and almost an escape, (or it would be if I could potentially turn my thoughts off.)

Normally I lead quite a fast-paced life, managing to see friends and family, work and and somehow pull everything together.

My work is completely cancelled, without any financial assistance, but I'm not really stressing too much about that and we are living very frugally, there really isn't much to spend money on apart from household bills and food.

I know my behaviour is appropriate for the situation as we do need to stay home, but part of me does feel guilty as it is very conflicting to how I have lived my life before this happened to the world.

Before this I didn't have enough time to be at home, now I have 24-hours a day 7-days a week.

I just wondered if this makes any sense and can anybody can relate?

"

In truth yes, I found the first two weeks of lockdown incredibly hard. The world had fallen apart, I found it hard to be a 24/7 parent and I felt pretty lost without a purpose.

I ended up volunteering for the Nightingale in Manchester and then continuing my work in one of the Manchester trusts not through any other reason than to fill my time and give myself brain space. Whilst my new existence is incredibly hard on one level I’d honestly say mentally I find it much easier to cope with.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP this is quite a normal response to big changes either forced upon us or by a choice. We can often bring guilt upon ourselves without realising it's happening too.

The feeling of guilt is quite unique from feeling sad or upset as it often combines feelings of shame, anxiety, frustration, and humiliation. These emotions can well up inside and build over time, our sense of self-worth and self-esteem can be eroded as a result. The cause for many is typically much more minor than would merit such an extreme emotional reaction especially if not checked early on. For some the guilt is from something much more major.

Sitting down in a rational moment and talking to someone about it can often be what's needed for perspective.

Interesting to read that prior to the pandemic you had no time as you were working 24/7. This is often because of choices we make which leads us down this path rather than being forced upon us.

In a post mid summer I asked what good things had happened as a result. A few mocked it, some could only list bad things, however there were quite a few who found that they now had more time to spend with kids/family especially and had come to realise how precious that time is and probably wouldn't have realised the loss of it and certainly wouldn't have made any changes without the pandemic happening.

My point is there shouldn't be any need to feel guilty about your choices you've made. The long term benefits could be huge as far as what's really important.

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