FabSwingers.com forum: How do you feel about other people you know breaking the rules?

By *.D.I.D.A.S OP Man
over a year ago

London/Essex... ish... Romford to be exact

Apologies... It's a long one...

I am sure most of us know someone within their own circle who have flouted the rules. I can't claim to have been 100% stringent myself either thoughout this entire period.

In the name of accountability, I went to a colleague's house to sort out his laptop when it was decided we'd all need to work from home. Most recently I went to my friend's house to have a shower as my boiler had packed up and I had no hot water. I went despite knowing that a small gathering had been arranged by her and was taking place. I didn't stay long as I felt it would have appeared rude to just have my shower and then ask to leave so I stayed for a drink before making my excuses. If I'm brutally honest, I may have stepped outside of the rules in between those incidences too but I'd like to think not for any arbitrary reasons. I know I cannot justify those choices but I'd hope that those who may judge can see that I wasn't going to a rave, meet or to party. OK, technically, yes I did go to a party but not out of choice. At this gathering I felt extremely uncomfortable and once I got home I felt terrible. My friend messaged to update me about what had happened once I had left but I just wasn't interested and felt disappointed in them and with myself.

More recently, a few of my relatives have either caught covid themselves or have come close as they had been in contact with someone else who had tested positive. Now if they had caught it from work or school etc, then I'd be understanding. But they didn't. They caught it or nearly caught it in some cases due to social gatherings. The ones who caught it have recovered but one of them was quite ill throughout for about two weeks. Knowing this, they have all continued to take risks and meet with others. Today my cousin who caught covid and was ill arranged a birthday party for his daughter and uploaded photos. I could see kids just playing together and nobody was wearing a mask, not even the adults. This is not an isolated incident and isn't limited to my family or my friend either. On the last day of work before Christmas my boss arranged a quiet drinks do in the office without our input.

I now feel that it is hard to trust anyone around me, even friends and family. I am so disappointed and now feel I can't help but judge them all. This is all especially pertinent as I have been shielding as I have recently become a primary carer for my sick mum yet people still disregard this need for safeguarding. I don't even feel conflicted about them and just see them all as plain wrong. Physically I am isolated anyway for obvious reasons but now I feel emotionally and psychologically isolated too. I know I have made a couple of questionable choices myself but I genuinely am remorseful. Yet I can see that nobody around me is. Maybe I don't have the right to judge but I just feel so angry at them. How should I resolve this feeling??

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By *oncupiscence73Woman
over a year ago

South

You have every right to judge ...... their actions are killing people. I’ve followed 100% I’m judging my fuxking arse off.

I’ve blocked, removed, unfriended and reported - if you’re not part of the solution you’re part of the problem.

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By *oncupiscence73Woman
over a year ago

South

[Removed by poster at 02/01/21 23:05:00]

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By *oncupiscence73Woman
over a year ago

South

I’d report the family party to the school that the kids go to - hopefully the teachers won’t suffer for the selfish cunts behaviour

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By *hickennchipsWoman
over a year ago

up above the streets and houses

"Apologies... It's a long one...

I am sure most of us know someone within their own circle who have flouted the rules. I can't claim to have been 100% stringent myself either thoughout this entire period.

Don’t beat yourself up G, you aren’t alone in breaking the rules and nobody is a saint

You’ve learnt the error of your ways so no need for a public flogging

Ps. Quack quack

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By *oncupiscence73Woman
over a year ago

South

Ps the behaviour of the people around you is disgusting truly I’m appalled - no one I know is breaking the rules not friends or family. You need to find better people to surround yourself with. Seriously you don’t need cunts like that in your life

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By *oncupiscence73Woman
over a year ago

South

"Apologies... It's a long one...

I am sure most of us know someone within their own circle who have flouted the rules. I can't claim to have been 100% stringent myself either thoughout this entire period.

Don’t beat yourself up G, you aren’t alone in breaking the rules and nobody is a saint

You’ve learnt the error of your ways so no need for a public flogging

Ps. Quack quack

Jesus fucking Christ ....

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By *hickennchipsWoman
over a year ago

up above the streets and houses

I’d never report anyone either, I think it’s immoral and unfair to turn people against each other, there is enough hate in the world

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By *andj17Woman
over a year ago

Glasgow

[Removed by poster at 02/01/21 23:13:01]

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By *andj17Woman
over a year ago

Glasgow

[Removed by poster at 02/01/21 23:12:54]

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By *hickennchipsWoman
over a year ago

up above the streets and houses

"Apologies... It's a long one...

I am sure most of us know someone within their own circle who have flouted the rules. I can't claim to have been 100% stringent myself either thoughout this entire period.

Just stay away from them and chalk it up as experience, concentrate on your mum

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By *oncupiscence73Woman
over a year ago

South

"I’d never report anyone either, I think it’s immoral and unfair to turn people against each other, there is enough hate in the world

Yeah I would in heart beat I bet the near on 2000 people who died in the last few days family would too. You reap what you sew - many hundreds of teaxjers have to teach kids who are potentially asymptomatic will be with those kids next week abs could die. HELL YES would I report

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP, you sound like quite a few I keep reading about who simply justify their own actions for breaking rules because you felt they were justified.

Should you have gone round to a friend's for a shower? We're they in your bubble? Was the shower really necessary given the restrictions? You chose to start to have a drink and join the party, in your mind you thought it was ok as you didn't go to it, but you did as you had a drink, joined in and stayed.

I don't understand what your post is trying to say and certainly can't see why you feel you can't trust your friends. Maybe they're saying the same about you.

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By *atEvolutionCouple
over a year ago

atlantisEVOLUTION Swingers Club. Stoke

People pretend that they do not judge others. Yet all of us do it all of the time.

Every time you think about another person, chances are that your thoughts have contained a judgement.

While your judgements don't contain an action, harm can only be done to yourself. In the moment you judge another with an action you offer them harm or protection.

Understanding your own judgements is the key to a calmer existence.

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By *.D.I.D.A.S OP Man
over a year ago

London/Essex... ish... Romford to be exact

And find a different family? It's just that it's all so prevalent. Do I need to use a tiny bit of indiscretion where it might appear slightly grey in some situations? If I do then I'm struggling with that I'm afraid. And those who don't really give a shit, they're my actual family and actual friends. I haven't really discussed it with family but they know where I stand yet their behaviour continues. I don't want to create conflict right now for the sake of my mum so have just given them all a wide berth. But I'm concerned I'll never be able to forgive them.

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By *hickennchipsWoman
over a year ago

up above the streets and houses

"And find a different family? It's just that it's all so prevalent. Do I need to use a tiny bit of indiscretion where it might appear slightly grey in some situations? If I do then I'm struggling with that I'm afraid. And those who don't really give a shit, they're my actual family and actual friends. I haven't really discussed it with family but they know where I stand yet their behaviour continues. I don't want to create conflict right now for the sake of my mum so have just given them all a wide berth. But I'm concerned I'll never be able to forgive them. "

You will forgive them in time when things settle down a bit

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By *oncupiscence73Woman
over a year ago

South

I wouldn’t forgive them I wouldn’t leave them unchallenged either ... people are dying. I couldn’t rest at night knowing I hadn’t done all I could to stop just one person being ill. You choose your path but looking the other way and enabling people to hurt others has never been my way. Stand up abs be counted for what is right

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’d never report anyone either, I think it’s immoral and unfair to turn people against each other, there is enough hate in the world

So where do you draw the line or do you not think rules should be upheld? Would you report a theft or if you saw a group of kids tormenting an animal would you just ignore it?

What's less immoral reporting someone who has clearly ignored the restrictions or allowing them to continue and possibly infect someone who subsequently dies or ends up with long covid, or maybe you believe it's all made up to bring the whole world into complete chaos and bring down all the economies?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’d never report anyone either, I think it’s immoral and unfair to turn people against each other, there is enough hate in the world

So where do you draw the line or do you not think rules should be upheld? Would you report a theft or if you saw a group of kids tormenting an animal would you just ignore it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"[Removed by poster at 02/01/21 23:12:54]"

So so sorry to hear about your awful loss xxx

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By *oncupiscence73Woman
over a year ago

South

[Removed by poster at 02/01/21 23:19:17]

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By *oncupiscence73Woman
over a year ago

South

"I’d never report anyone either, I think it’s immoral and unfair to turn people against each other, there is enough hate in the world

So where do you draw the line or do you not think rules should be upheld? Would you report a theft or if you saw a group of kids tormenting an animal would you just ignore it?

Green arrow on this one tells you all you need to know

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By *hickennchipsWoman
over a year ago

up above the streets and houses

"I’d never report anyone either, I think it’s immoral and unfair to turn people against each other, there is enough hate in the world

So where do you draw the line or do you not think rules should be upheld? Would you report a theft or if you saw a group of kids tormenting an animal would you just ignore it?

I’m referring to covid ‘breakages.’ I’m not going to report my neighbours for having two extra people at their house as I don’t want the aggro or the possible damage to my property. I do what I can to protect my family and hope others do their best too

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By *hickennchipsWoman
over a year ago

up above the streets and houses

"I’d never report anyone either, I think it’s immoral and unfair to turn people against each other, there is enough hate in the world

So where do you draw the line or do you not think rules should be upheld? Would you report a theft or if you saw a group of kids tormenting an animal would you just ignore it?

Green arrow on this one tells you all you need to know

Green arrow tells people I have opposing viewpoints, that’s all. We can’t all think in the same manner

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By *oncupiscence73Woman
over a year ago

South

[Removed by poster at 02/01/21 23:23:55]

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

My mother is a fully paid up conspiracy theorist. She posts utter tripe all over FB and seems to believe the seemingly ridiculous. The problem is, she's the live-in carer of my 89yo Grandfather. Now, he's absolutely of sound mind (and thankfully able to make sense of, well, sense), BUT he can no longer drive and lives on the side of a hill, up an unmade road. In short, he relies on my mother to get from A to B. I know for a fact that he won't have had his Covid jab, because she will refuse to take him. The problem with the tier 4 thing is we now have absolutely no excuse to smuggle him to the doctor's to get it, like we did in September (we took him for a little trip to get an ice cream for his birthday, via the GP, who administered the flu jab she refused to take him for). But now, there's nowhere to pretend to take him, it's obvious an 89yo man with heart failure isn't going to be sitting admiring the view in this weather and so unless we can cook up some other crazy plan, he's going to miss out, due to my mother's conspiracy theories.

In the past, we've got around things by telephoning the GP and requesting a home visit (he's housebound without my mother's "help"), but obviously home visits are currently off the books too.

So, I hope eventually that the tier system will relax enough for me to come up with a way to (technically) break the rules, to get my Grandad to a vaccination clinic. I say technically break the rules because I suppose I'm not supposed to take him out, because I'm not in his household bubble. But I think taking him for his flu jab (and Covid jab, if I can) is important.

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By *.D.I.D.A.S OP Man
over a year ago

London/Essex... ish... Romford to be exact

"OP, you sound like quite a few I keep reading about who simply justify their own actions for breaking rules because you felt they were justified.

I don't understand what your post is trying to say and certainly can't see why you feel you can't trust your friends. Maybe they're saying the same about you."

I went to it. I had a drink. I left. I thought about it and realised it was a mistake and have kept to myself ever since ensuring I do not repeat the mistake. I'm not saying I'm free of judgement. But what's done is done and I've learned from it and adapted my way of thinking to become far more stringent. I can't trust those around me as they continue to make those morally bad decisions.

And tbh, the shower wasn't an absolute necessity. But living alone, no heating, no hot water for weeks. I don't feel a single shower was asking for too much.

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By *hickennchipsWoman
over a year ago

up above the streets and houses

"My mother is a fully paid up conspiracy theorist. She posts utter tripe all over FB and seems to believe the seemingly ridiculous. The problem is, she's the live-in carer of my 89yo Grandfather. Now, he's absolutely of sound mind (and thankfully able to make sense of, well, sense), BUT he can no longer drive and lives on the side of a hill, up an unmade road. In short, he relies on my mother to get from A to B. I know for a fact that he won't have had his Covid jab, because she will refuse to take him. The problem with the tier 4 thing is we now have absolutely no excuse to smuggle him to the doctor's to get it, like we did in September (we took him for a little trip to get an ice cream for his birthday, via the GP, who administered the flu jab she refused to take him for). But now, there's nowhere to pretend to take him, it's obvious an 89yo man with heart failure isn't going to be sitting admiring the view in this weather and so unless we can cook up some other crazy plan, he's going to miss out, due to my mother's conspiracy theories.

In the past, we've got around things by telephoning the GP and requesting a home visit (he's housebound without my mother's "help"), but obviously home visits are currently off the books too.

I disagree with her actions and he should of course he allowed the vaccine if he requests it

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

If he is of sound mind why can't he decide for himself to have the Covid19 jab and go in a taxi ?

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

In the past, we've got around things by telephoning the GP and requesting a home visit (he's housebound without my mother's "help"), but obviously home visits are currently off the books too.

I disagree with her actions and he should of course he allowed the vaccine if he requests it

He wants to have it, but the only way to get it is to get him off his hillside in the rural Lake District. Which is now, like us, in tier 4. He has absolutely no way of getting to a vaccination clinic other than my mother (she won't) or us. We have no reason to go there, no way to get him out of the house without her being there as all her work is cancelled due to the pandemic. So, we wait and just hope the fact that they're pretty well isolated up there protects him further. He nearly died last winter of some type of pneumonia and he'd not had his flu jab that year (wonder why?) She also refuses to wear masks in the supermarket, falsely claiming exemption. The only saving grace is it's ASDA once a week and nothing much else open.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"If he is of sound mind why can't he decide for himself to have the Covid19 jab and go in a taxi ?"

Because he needs assistance to get around, including into and out of a taxi. He has never once got into a taxi on his own (well, since being elderly) and so you think she'd assist him into one now? No.

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By *hickennchipsWoman
over a year ago

up above the streets and houses

In the past, we've got around things by telephoning the GP and requesting a home visit (he's housebound without my mother's "help"), but obviously home visits are currently off the books too.

I disagree with her actions and he should of course he allowed the vaccine if he requests it

Urgh. That’s harsh, I feel for you

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

Could you speak to his GP or Age Concern ?

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"Could you speak to his GP or Age Concern ?"

We've done so in the past but home visits are suspended if they know someone is there who can take them. Which they know my mother is. I'm not sure what Age Concern could do? It's my understanding that his GP didn't start the vaccines with the Pfizer one due to the location and so it'll be the Oxford one rolling out from Monday.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’d never report anyone either, I think it’s immoral and unfair to turn people against each other, there is enough hate in the world

So where do you draw the line or do you not think rules should be upheld? Would you report a theft or if you saw a group of kids tormenting an animal would you just ignore it?

So my question was covid based, what's less immoral reporting someone who has clearly ignored the restrictions or allowing them to continue and possibly infect someone who subsequently dies or ends up with long covid?

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By *hickennchipsWoman
over a year ago

up above the streets and houses

"I’d never report anyone either, I think it’s immoral and unfair to turn people against each other, there is enough hate in the world

So where do you draw the line or do you not think rules should be upheld? Would you report a theft or if you saw a group of kids tormenting an animal would you just ignore it?

You said it, possible. Seeing as the survival rate is so high I would think what you suggest is highly unlikely.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’d report the family party to the school that the kids go to - hopefully the teachers won’t suffer for the selfish cunts behaviour "

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

I'm disappointed when I find out my friends or work colleagues have done things they shouldn't of.

I zoomed with 3 friends a few days ago. One (a teaching assistant) went to another ones (works in a mental health unit with vunerable young people) house for about an hour for a coffee to look at her new extension.

A guy I work with went to Bedford over the Christmas period with 3 friends who are all police officers.

Just 2 examples that spring to mind.

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By *.D.I.D.A.S OP Man
over a year ago

London/Essex... ish... Romford to be exact

I'd be intrigued to know if anyone has reported their own close friend or family.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Surely it is a personal choice what we do.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"I'd be intrigued to know if anyone has reported their own close friend or family. "

I've not reported my mother. She can't afford the fine, she'd refuse to pay anyway (probably referencing Magna Carta) and she'd drag my Grandad into her financial problems still further. So no, I've not reported her.

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By *.D.I.D.A.S OP Man
over a year ago

London/Essex... ish... Romford to be exact

"I'm disappointed when I find out my friends or work colleagues have done things they shouldn't of.

A guy I work with went to Bedford over the Christmas period with 3 friends who are all police officers.

Just 2 examples that spring to mind."

And did you decide to stop being their friend? That's the dilemma for me. It's easy to say to tell everyone around you to fuck off. If I do it for one shouldn't I do the same for everyone else also?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’d never report anyone either, I think it’s immoral and unfair to turn people against each other, there is enough hate in the world

So where do you draw the line or do you not think rules should be upheld? Would you report a theft or if you saw a group of kids tormenting an animal would you just ignore it?

You said it, possible. Seeing as the survival rate is so high I would think what you suggest is highly unlikely. "

So you don't believe the death toll to be true and those who have lost loved ones are making it up?

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"Surely it is a personal choice what we do. "

Incorrect. When there's a pandemic which is spread by close contact, your actions have an impact on others. So you are asked to act for the greater good. It'd be like in WW2 someone thinking their right to read by electric light during a blackout was more important etc.

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By *hickennchipsWoman
over a year ago

up above the streets and houses

"I'm disappointed when I find out my friends or work colleagues have done things they shouldn't of.

A guy I work with went to Bedford over the Christmas period with 3 friends who are all police officers.

Just 2 examples that spring to mind.

And did you decide to stop being their friend? That's the dilemma for me. It's easy to say to tell everyone around you to fuck off. If I do it for one shouldn't I do the same for everyone else also? "

No because you could end up really isolated and then that’s really bad for your own mental health

I think avoidance for now is best and see how you feel on the other side of it all

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By *elvet_OrchidWoman
over a year ago

Banbury

"OP, you sound like quite a few I keep reading about who simply justify their own actions for breaking rules because you felt they were justified.

I don't understand what your post is trying to say and certainly can't see why you feel you can't trust your friends. Maybe they're saying the same about you.

And tbh, the shower wasn't an absolute necessity. But living alone, no heating, no hot water for weeks. I don't feel a single shower was asking for too much. "

Could you not have had a wash at your own home with a flannel & soap and bowl / sink of water instead if going to a party ???

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can't believe there are people on here who say they don't know anyone who is breaking the rules.

I don't know anyone who isn't breaking the rules

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

"I'm disappointed when I find out my friends or work colleagues have done things they shouldn't of.

A guy I work with went to Bedford over the Christmas period with 3 friends who are all police officers.

Just 2 examples that spring to mind.

No, I've known both of them for a very long time. Myself and the other lady on the call did raise our concerns which I hope made them think.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It makes me angry to see people flouting the rules considering I've been abiding by them. Even more so when, right now my neighbours in the ground floor flat have had people in all day and night. It's so selfish and ignorant, they just don't care

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By *.D.I.D.A.S OP Man
over a year ago

London/Essex... ish... Romford to be exact

"OP, you sound like quite a few I keep reading about who simply justify their own actions for breaking rules because you felt they were justified.

I don't understand what your post is trying to say and certainly can't see why you feel you can't trust your friends. Maybe they're saying the same about you.

And tbh, the shower wasn't an absolute necessity. But living alone, no heating, no hot water for weeks. I don't feel a single shower was asking for too much.

Could you not have had a wash at your own home with a flannel & soap and bowl / sink of water instead if going to a party ???"

I had been. For three weeks. Freezing cold with no heating. Its a wonder I didn't become ill. I went primarily for the shower, not the gathering which I barely attended but I guess facts are facts so that argument holds no water. It's easy to say just make do without. I probably would have said similar to someone else. But I was literally freezing.

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By *oncupiscence73Woman
over a year ago

South

"I'm disappointed when I find out my friends or work colleagues have done things they shouldn't of.

A guy I work with went to Bedford over the Christmas period with 3 friends who are all police officers.

Just 2 examples that spring to mind.

Yep I would - surround yourself with people who are less selfish. Don’t be frightened to be alone to the extent that you surround yourself with arseholes.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

People have to live with themselves, I'm not their judge. I don't know anyone who has broken rules, though am suspicious of a neighbour I don't really know. Friends and family have endured months of being at home, several didn't leave their property for months.

I've not washed my hands as frequently this week, which isn't good enough, so I changed it.

The vast majority of people are fully compliant with the rules

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By *oncupiscence73Woman
over a year ago

South

"I can't believe there are people on here who say they don't know anyone who is breaking the rules.

I don't know anyone who isn't breaking the rules

I don’t know anyone who has ... I would cut them off straight away if they did. No excuse absolutely none

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Surely it is a personal choice what we do.

I am not doing something that is endangering everyone else, I am making a conscious decision based on the risks.

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By *oncupiscence73Woman
over a year ago

South

"Surely it is a personal choice what we do.

I am not doing something that is endangering everyone else, I am making a conscious decision based on the risks."

Your making decisions for other people based on your version of risk which is not ok.

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By *ty31Man
over a year ago

NW London

"I’d never report anyone either, I think it’s immoral and unfair to turn people against each other, there is enough hate in the world

I wouldn't either. I don't see how grassing up your neighbours or people behaving like the Stasi is beneficial to society, it can only lead to distrust and resentment.

Also I wouldn't report as I don't know what other people's situations are. There are lots who just are not able to go for that length of time without human contact and I genuinely think in that case it's better for them to bend the rules (a little) rather than wreck their mental health.

---

I do know that it can frustrating and envy inducing where you see people breaking rules whilst you strive to follow them but all you can do really is grit your teeth and continue doing what you think is right.

Personal relationships take years to establish but only moments of madness to ruin.

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By *.D.I.D.A.S OP Man
over a year ago

London/Essex... ish... Romford to be exact

I shouldn't have mentioned the bloody shower. I only did it as a statement of my own integrity in owning up to my own imperfection and fallibility but also that I had learned from the experience. Sorry if that sounds sanctimonious or whatever. I did wrong. I stopped doing wrong. But what do you do when your loved ones continue to do wrong despite knowing it has potentially grave consequences? That's the crux of it.

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By *oncupiscence73Woman
over a year ago

South

"I’d never report anyone either, I think it’s immoral and unfair to turn people against each other, there is enough hate in the world

I wouldn't either. I don't see how grassing up your neighbours or people behaving like the Stasi is beneficial to society, it can only lead to distrust and resentment.

---

Personal relationships take years to establish but only moments of madness to ruin."

Total crap people can survive they just choose to put themselves above others like all the blokes on here who ‘need sex’ nope and nope. No one is more important in this than anyone else. This is why we are in this position coming up to a year later - people’s sense of entitlement and superiority.

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By *oncupiscence73Woman
over a year ago

South

"I shouldn't have mentioned the bloody shower. I only did it as a statement of my own integrity in owning up to my own imperfection and fallibility but also that I had learned from the experience. Sorry if that sounds sanctimonious or whatever. I did wrong. I stopped doing wrong. But what do you do when your loved ones continue to do wrong despite knowing it has potentially grave consequences? That's the crux of it. "

Considering the area we live is in the hotspot then you can ignore it or try to stop them that’s your choice

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By *ty31Man
over a year ago

NW London

If people want to judge you for using your friends shower whilst yours was broken it says a lot more about them than it does you.

People need to stop being so judgemental and paranoid and use some common sense.

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By *ty31Man
over a year ago

NW London

"I’d never report anyone either, I think it’s immoral and unfair to turn people against each other, there is enough hate in the world

I wouldn't either. I don't see how grassing up your neighbours or people behaving like the Stasi is beneficial to society, it can only lead to distrust and resentment.

---

Personal relationships take years to establish but only moments of madness to ruin.

So people's mental health doesn't matter then?

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By *oncupiscence73Woman
over a year ago

South

If people want to judge you for using your friends shower whilst yours was broken it says a lot more about them than it does you.

People need to stop being so judgemental and paranoid and use some common sense.

Common sense stay at home like everyone else ..... what that says about me is that I don’t want anymore people to die. What does breaking the rules say about you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Surely it is a personal choice what we do.

I am not doing something that is endangering everyone else, I am making a conscious decision based on the risks.

Your making decisions for other people based on your version of risk which is not ok. "

So other people can make decisions on my behalf, but I am not permitted to do the same. The logic behind the decisions made is no longer sensible and does not work.

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By *oncupiscence73Woman
over a year ago

South

"I’d never report anyone either, I think it’s immoral and unfair to turn people against each other, there is enough hate in the world

I wouldn't either. I don't see how grassing up your neighbours or people behaving like the Stasi is beneficial to society, it can only lead to distrust and resentment.

---

Personal relationships take years to establish but only moments of madness to ruin.

So people's mental health doesn't matter then?"

Everyone’s mental health is suffering what I don’t understand is why some people think they’re more worthy of breaking the rules than others. There are things in place to help such as bubbles - this puts everyone in the same place. Why do you think that some people deserve more of a social life abs contact than others. ?

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By *oncupiscence73Woman
over a year ago

South

"Surely it is a personal choice what we do.

I am not doing something that is endangering everyone else, I am making a conscious decision based on the risks.

Your making decisions for other people based on your version of risk which is not ok.

So other people can make decisions on my behalf, but I am not permitted to do the same. The logic behind the decisions made is no longer sensible and does not work."

Really so what do you think is the answer? Maybe thinking the way you do means we have never actually had any kinds of lockdown so that’s why it doesn’t work.

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By *.D.I.D.A.S OP Man
over a year ago

London/Essex... ish... Romford to be exact

"I'm disappointed when I find out my friends or work colleagues have done things they shouldn't of.

A guy I work with went to Bedford over the Christmas period with 3 friends who are all police officers.

Just 2 examples that spring to mind.

And did you decide to stop being their friend? That's the dilemma for me. It's easy to say to tell everyone around you to fuck off. If I do it for one shouldn't I do the same for everyone else also?

Yep I would - surround yourself with people who are less selfish. Don’t be frightened to be alone to the extent that you surround yourself with arseholes."

Easier said than done when so many are being disobedient. If I was to be clinical on measuring everyone I know and whether they abided or hadn't, I'd say 5% complied fully. And I'd say almost all broke the guidelines for socialising. Should I call the police on my own boss too? It sounds very idealistic to simply block out everyone. Not to mention a lonely step to take.

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By *oncupiscence73Woman
over a year ago

South

"I'm disappointed when I find out my friends or work colleagues have done things they shouldn't of.

A guy I work with went to Bedford over the Christmas period with 3 friends who are all police officers.

Just 2 examples that spring to mind.

And did you decide to stop being their friend? That's the dilemma for me. It's easy to say to tell everyone around you to fuck off. If I do it for one shouldn't I do the same for everyone else also?

Yep I would - surround yourself with people who are less selfish. Don’t be frightened to be alone to the extent that you surround yourself with arseholes.

Then don’t do it - you asked what I would do and that is what I’d do. I don’t want people around me that think it’s ok to put themselves before others. Yes I would report a place of work that was breaking the guidelines

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The question I would ask is if I don't and it leads to a death and all that entails.....

To answer your question. If I had a close friend or family member that was persistent in disregard after talking to them about it and what it could do then yes.

Look at it from another's perspective. If your daughter whom let's say is vulnerable, caught it and died as a result from someone who knowingly deliberately ignores restrictions was infected and passed it on to her through indirect contact how would you feel?

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"Surely it is a personal choice what we do.

I am not doing something that is endangering everyone else, I am making a conscious decision based on the risks."

Presumably my living room light in 1940 wasn't harming anyone? Apart from potentially giving an enemy bomber a target which includes my neighbours. Same with Covid. The second you're in a place with anyone else - a shop, your workplace, the GP surgery - anywhere, your choices and actions can impact upon others. Like in WW2, we're being asked to sacrifice certain personal freedoms, for a temporary period, for the good of society. Just like keeping your lights off between 1939-1945 potentially protected you and your neighbours, despite the fact it took away your freedom to read the Flashman novels.

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By *hickennchipsWoman
over a year ago

up above the streets and houses

"I’d never report anyone either, I think it’s immoral and unfair to turn people against each other, there is enough hate in the world

I wouldn't either. I don't see how grassing up your neighbours or people behaving like the Stasi is beneficial to society, it can only lead to distrust and resentment.

---

Personal relationships take years to establish but only moments of madness to ruin.

So people's mental health doesn't matter then?"

I think that mental health has been forgotten all the way through this. It’s a sad state of affairs

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By *ty31Man
over a year ago

NW London

"I’d never report anyone either, I think it’s immoral and unfair to turn people against each other, there is enough hate in the world

I wouldn't either. I don't see how grassing up your neighbours or people behaving like the Stasi is beneficial to society, it can only lead to distrust and resentment.

---

Personal relationships take years to establish but only moments of madness to ruin.

So people's mental health doesn't matter then?

Not everybody is entitled to a support bubble. Not everyone can manage such a long time sperated from friends and loved ones. Many could end up in a cylce of spiralling into substance abuse or self harm, in which case they should go and see their friends/family in as safe a manner as possible. This is permitted under the restrictions.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Surely it is a personal choice what we do.

I am not doing something that is endangering everyone else, I am making a conscious decision based on the risks.

Your making decisions for other people based on your version of risk which is not ok.

So other people can make decisions on my behalf, but I am not permitted to do the same. The logic behind the decisions made is no longer sensible and does not work.

Really so what do you think is the answer? Maybe thinking the way you do means we have never actually had any kinds of lockdown so that’s why it doesn’t work. "

Lockdown does not work. You are only suppressing the virus until the lockdown is lifted, it then spreads more virulently and in my opinion causes worse outcomes. Sensible approach to living will help. If you need to shield do so, if you want the vaccine you should be able to have it. If you don’t then should not be forced to. Lockdown ruined the lives of my children and is continuing to do so.

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By *.D.I.D.A.S OP Man
over a year ago

London/Essex... ish... Romford to be exact

I don't think it's been forgotten about. It's just that once you're dead you're dead. If there was a different way around it I'm sure we'd all do it. But lockdown restrictions are the only way forward for now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm disappointed when I find out my friends or work colleagues have done things they shouldn't of.

A guy I work with went to Bedford over the Christmas period with 3 friends who are all police officers.

Just 2 examples that spring to mind.

And did you decide to stop being their friend? That's the dilemma for me. It's easy to say to tell everyone around you to fuck off. If I do it for one shouldn't I do the same for everyone else also?

Yep I would - surround yourself with people who are less selfish. Don’t be frightened to be alone to the extent that you surround yourself with arseholes.

Why you asking this then OP if you already know you wouldn't?

And If you've only 5% that comply I'd think about what else they don't comply with. I'm glad most of my friends seem to be complying as best as possible to my knowledge. Maybe only about 5% aren't if that. Maybe you have a lot more friends than I do lol.

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By *hickennchipsWoman
over a year ago

up above the streets and houses

Friends may chose not to tell their friends if they fear judgment and hate because of such extreme viewpoints? Who knows

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By *.D.I.D.A.S OP Man
over a year ago

London/Essex... ish... Romford to be exact

"I'm disappointed when I find out my friends or work colleagues have done things they shouldn't of.

A guy I work with went to Bedford over the Christmas period with 3 friends who are all police officers.

Just 2 examples that spring to mind.

And did you decide to stop being their friend? That's the dilemma for me. It's easy to say to tell everyone around you to fuck off. If I do it for one shouldn't I do the same for everyone else also?

Yep I would - surround yourself with people who are less selfish. Don’t be frightened to be alone to the extent that you surround yourself with arseholes.

Why you asking this then OP if you already know you wouldn't?

Not just friends but everyone I know about. I'm saying cutting everyone off is not realistic. But how do you live with that knowing you're in a minority view on something so important?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Surely it is a personal choice what we do.

I am not doing something that is endangering everyone else, I am making a conscious decision based on the risks.

Your making decisions for other people based on your version of risk which is not ok.

So other people can make decisions on my behalf, but I am not permitted to do the same. The logic behind the decisions made is no longer sensible and does not work.

Really so what do you think is the answer? Maybe thinking the way you do means we have never actually had any kinds of lockdown so that’s why it doesn’t work.

That's complete bs.

It's spreading not because lockdows don't work but because people don't comply. It's people who spread it and its people who will stop the spread.

Children are a lot more adaptable than what many think or want to believe. You speak as if their lives have ended. If you've worked with trauma you'll appreciate this. They're more adaptable than their parents.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Friends may chose not to tell their friends if they fear judgment and hate because of such extreme viewpoints? Who knows

It is a sad day for humanity if it has come to that .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm disappointed when I find out my friends or work colleagues have done things they shouldn't of.

A guy I work with went to Bedford over the Christmas period with 3 friends who are all police officers.

Just 2 examples that spring to mind.

And did you decide to stop being their friend? That's the dilemma for me. It's easy to say to tell everyone around you to fuck off. If I do it for one shouldn't I do the same for everyone else also?

Yep I would - surround yourself with people who are less selfish. Don’t be frightened to be alone to the extent that you surround yourself with arseholes.

Why you asking this then OP if you already know you wouldn't?

Not just friends but everyone I know about. I'm saying cutting everyone off is not realistic. But how do you live with that knowing you're in a minority view on something so important? "

Live with what?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The question I would ask is if I don't and it leads to a death and all that entails.....

To answer your question. If I had a close friend or family member that was persistent in disregard after talking to them about it and what it could do then yes.

while i agree with the lockdown measures, the comparisons we draw are not always as simple as they seem

people were asked to turn their lights off repeatedly for short periods of time and then could get back to almost normal and had plenty support around them

now people are being asked to isolate often totally alone for lengthy periods of time and at the same time technology bizarrely makes you feel even more alone watching what feels like everyone else doing things in family groups

different problems for a different age i guess, but i think many who live in a family home seriously underestimate how difficult loneliness is

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 03/01/21 00:37:40]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Friends may chose not to tell their friends if they fear judgment and hate because of such extreme viewpoints? Who knows

It is a sad day for humanity if it has come to that ."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Surely it is a personal choice what we do.

I am not doing something that is endangering everyone else, I am making a conscious decision based on the risks.

Your making decisions for other people based on your version of risk which is not ok.

So other people can make decisions on my behalf, but I am not permitted to do the same. The logic behind the decisions made is no longer sensible and does not work.

Really so what do you think is the answer? Maybe thinking the way you do means we have never actually had any kinds of lockdown so that’s why it doesn’t work.

That's complete bs.

It's spreading not because lockdows don't work but because people don't comply. It's people who spread it and its people who will stop the spread.

Calling my opinion bs is just the attitude I expected from the majority of people. It is my opinion that I have given. As for saying that I have no clue about children, I am speaking from experience of what it has done to my children, not them all. That is something that you can not tell me is bs.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"Surely it is a personal choice what we do.

I am not doing something that is endangering everyone else, I am making a conscious decision based on the risks.

Your making decisions for other people based on your version of risk which is not ok.

So other people can make decisions on my behalf, but I am not permitted to do the same. The logic behind the decisions made is no longer sensible and does not work.

Really so what do you think is the answer? Maybe thinking the way you do means we have never actually had any kinds of lockdown so that’s why it doesn’t work.

That's complete bs.

It's spreading not because lockdows don't work but because people don't comply. It's people who spread it and its people who will stop the spread.

This is very true. Our daughter (3) has coped incredibly well. She understands there's a nasty bug around that can make people really poorly and so we've got to do things a certain way to try not to get the nasty bug. Things like us wearing masks was obviously very alien to her a short while back, but now she wants to wear one to be like us. For example. Things changed in her nursery (fairly subtly) but again, although it was weird to be dropped outside the door for a couple of weeks (rather than us walking her to her room), now it's just the norm and she's perfectly happy. Kids do adapt. They also pick up on parental fears and anxieties and so explaining things sensibly, in language they understand, is much better than pretending everything is fine or just ignoring the topic.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The question I would ask is if I don't and it leads to a death and all that entails.....

To answer your question. If I had a close friend or family member that was persistent in disregard after talking to them about it and what it could do then yes.

while i agree with the lockdown measures, the comparisons we draw are not always as simple as they seem

people were asked to turn their lights off repeatedly for short periods of time and then could get back to almost normal and had plenty support around them

different problems for a different age i guess, but i think many who live in a family home seriously underestimate how difficult loneliness is "

Never underestimate what others are going through because yours seems so difficult. If you've not experienced or watched the loneliness one can have living with others where there is hatred or annymosity or even indifference of the others presence, you wouldn't say what you have just said. Some of the loneliest places can be where there are other people.

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By *.D.I.D.A.S OP Man
over a year ago

London/Essex... ish... Romford to be exact

"I'm disappointed when I find out my friends or work colleagues have done things they shouldn't of.

A guy I work with went to Bedford over the Christmas period with 3 friends who are all police officers.

Just 2 examples that spring to mind.

And did you decide to stop being their friend? That's the dilemma for me. It's easy to say to tell everyone around you to fuck off. If I do it for one shouldn't I do the same for everyone else also?

Yep I would - surround yourself with people who are less selfish. Don’t be frightened to be alone to the extent that you surround yourself with arseholes.

Why you asking this then OP if you already know you wouldn't?

Not just friends but everyone I know about. I'm saying cutting everyone off is not realistic. But how do you live with that knowing you're in a minority view on something so important?

Live with what?"

Live with knowing almost everyone around me disregards the guidelines despite knowing that I am shielding. I can't even go to anyone for support if I wanted to knowing I can't trust them. Even if I knew they were definitely negative I still wouldn't reach out to them out of principle. The alienation has begun but how do I stop it escalating? Do I forgive as they continue their daily lives? Do I say to them all to fuck off?

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By *ogueAngelMan
over a year ago

Near Bath / Bristol

I've worked through the pandemic as I'm a key worker in a retail environment. We have no power to enforce people to be compliant with covid regulations, but just constantly remind them of their responsibilities.

I would say there is a majority of people who in some way do not follow guidelines. Social distancing doesn't seem to exist anymore, especially to those wearing masks. Those wearing masks often take them off constantly, wear them round the chin, don't cover the nose, etc... people don't manage the sanitation of their hands, or protect their hands with gloves and insist on touching everything they can. Visors instead of masks aren't covid compliant, yet people choose those instead of the masks... I could go on.

My point is that if you spend your time pointing the finger at the world, you'll soon be doing nothing else. Take the time to reflect on your actions, and if you're not happy with them then take the chance to decide differently next time.

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By *osebud6688Woman
over a year ago

Northampton

What a pickle! First things first - give yourself a break. Personally I would draw a line under it - what’s done is done and there isn’t much point in dwelling on your actions and you can change these going forward.

I have stuck to the rules and as far as I know so have my friends and family so I haven’t been put in this situation. It’s a difficult time for everyone, everyone will handle things differently. Whilst you don’t agree with their actions, if it’s impacting you like this I would suggest simply ignoring it.

I agree that people should be reported but within this context, you just need to find a way forward which isn’t going to impact you like this.

DM me if you want to chat x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Surely it is a personal choice what we do.

I am not doing something that is endangering everyone else, I am making a conscious decision based on the risks.

Your making decisions for other people based on your version of risk which is not ok.

So other people can make decisions on my behalf, but I am not permitted to do the same. The logic behind the decisions made is no longer sensible and does not work.

Really so what do you think is the answer? Maybe thinking the way you do means we have never actually had any kinds of lockdown so that’s why it doesn’t work.

That's complete bs.

It's spreading not because lockdows don't work but because people don't comply. It's people who spread it and its people who will stop the spread.

Thank you for that personal example. Kids come to the table with a lot less expectations and preconceived restrictions than adults. Their ability and willingness to learn and adapt is what then defines them in later years. Sadly some don't get the encouragenment and support as you've clearly shown yours and therefore will struggle more so but it's amazing how they do move on. We need to recognise their struggles and help them but certainly shouldn't be wrapping them in cotton wool which will leave then vulnerable and unprepared to cope later.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

The question I would ask is if I don't and it leads to a death and all that entails.....

To answer your question. If I had a close friend or family member that was persistent in disregard after talking to them about it and what it could do then yes.

while i agree with the lockdown measures, the comparisons we draw are not always as simple as they seem

people were asked to turn their lights off repeatedly for short periods of time and then could get back to almost normal and had plenty support around them

different problems for a different age i guess, but i think many who live in a family home seriously underestimate how difficult loneliness is "

Small children were removed from their parent's care at little notice and sent to live in the countryside for several years. Families were separated for the duration of the war by active service (which included being drafted to work in other parts of the UK as Bevan boys, land girls etc). Food was in short supply and many other aspects of normal life were completely removed. Freedom to say what you like, do what you like etc were removed or restricted in many ways. There are many parallels now, just with a lot more food available.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm disappointed when I find out my friends or work colleagues have done things they shouldn't of.

A guy I work with went to Bedford over the Christmas period with 3 friends who are all police officers.

Just 2 examples that spring to mind.

And did you decide to stop being their friend? That's the dilemma for me. It's easy to say to tell everyone around you to fuck off. If I do it for one shouldn't I do the same for everyone else also?

Yep I would - surround yourself with people who are less selfish. Don’t be frightened to be alone to the extent that you surround yourself with arseholes.

Why you asking this then OP if you already know you wouldn't?

Not just friends but everyone I know about. I'm saying cutting everyone off is not realistic. But how do you live with that knowing you're in a minority view on something so important?

Live with what?

It's not easy but you can't change the past, only what is to happen. If you're shielding then your restrictions are going to be more stringent than others for a start. Just maybe you're expecting them to be restricted like yourself which I'm sure isn't the case. So that 5% may not be as you think.

As someone said. Draw the line, you need to on the past. Maybe you're not loose your friends so much as you're just more disconnected ATM because you're shielding which does put you in a very different group.

It will pass.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

OP, do you have one trusted friend or family member who can support you now you're shielding? I'll be back supporting my wheelchair basketball colleague again now that's back on the agenda so I know it's tough.

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By *osweet69Couple
over a year ago

portsmouth

Let him without sin cast the first stone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The question I would ask is if I don't and it leads to a death and all that entails.....

To answer your question. If I had a close friend or family member that was persistent in disregard after talking to them about it and what it could do then yes.

while i agree with the lockdown measures, the comparisons we draw are not always as simple as they seem

people were asked to turn their lights off repeatedly for short periods of time and then could get back to almost normal and had plenty support around them

different problems for a different age i guess, but i think many who live in a family home seriously underestimate how difficult loneliness is

I may add, that we have embraced information technology and absorb so much information without having the time to assess and critically view what we read via social media. 20 yrs ago we'd read in the papers or on the news a fraction of the information that were expecting to absorb now. We could filter then, now it's hard to filter between what's right or wrong partly because we don't give ourselves the luxury of the time required to do that in fear of missing something new and secondly because there's information overload. This is a problem I see with my own kids and I genuinely fear it's long term repprocussions on society and the ability to critically recognise what's right or wrong. I really hope I'm wrong though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Let him without sin cast the first stone. "

Said he who had no sin.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

Agree. I've found that our elder son (18) has sometimes struggled to decide what to believe and what not. But being open to talk to him about anything and everything, asking open questions and suggesting reliable sources have enabled him to make decent decisions, most of the time. We shall see how things unfold as he continues through uni.

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By *.D.I.D.A.S OP Man
over a year ago

London/Essex... ish... Romford to be exact

"OP, do you have one trusted friend or family member who can support you now you're shielding? I'll be back supporting my wheelchair basketball colleague again now that's back on the agenda so I know it's tough. "

No. They're all aware I'm alone in this. Which is fine as I came to terms with that weeks ago. It's just that they chose to rule themselves out of the running by consciously choosing to socialise. One aunt suggested she will leave us both a cooked dinner on the porch if we liked. Great. Anyway, I think it's a case of grin and bear it for now and just getting on with it myself for my mum's sake and not cause any conflict during her last days. I can't see what other option is available really.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

DM if you ever feel the need to talk OP and I'm sure there's a few others here open to that too. That's a genuine offer.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

The meal from Auntie might be worth accepting? It's a start? You should be able to ask your local council for assistance when shielding - all local authorities have departments assisting people in that category, so you might get priority online shopping deliveries, assistance with prescriptions etc.

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By *.D.I.D.A.S OP Man
over a year ago

London/Essex... ish... Romford to be exact

Thanks... It's not the practicalities so much. Caring for my mum will be scary I'll admit but I'll do it. I started typing out what I'll find challenging but it became a bit of a list so I deleted it. Everyone promised to do so much when she got diagnosed but so far nobody has delivered anything. And when help was eventually asked for, the response was a slap in the face, in my view. It is the feelings resentment, disappointment and anger brewing inside which needs addressing.

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By *.D.I.D.A.S OP Man
over a year ago

London/Essex... ish... Romford to be exact

DM if you ever feel the need to talk OP and I'm sure there's a few others here open to that too. That's a genuine offer."

Thanks pal. I'm not sure me starting this thread got me any further with my thoughts so I may just leave it there. I've had a kind person already offer some kind words in a message which is lovely.

Maybe I've just got to think like Ghandi or Jesus and then it'll all be alright eventually.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

My experience tells me this is pretty common, it's not just your family or the current situation. Ask for help. There's still help for carers out there, be it from specialist charities, hospices, local council etc. And definitely find someone (anyone) to talk to because it's bloody hard work being a FT carer for anyone.

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By *L RogueMan
over a year ago

London

"I’d never report anyone either, I think it’s immoral and unfair to turn people against each other, there is enough hate in the world

I wouldn't either. I don't see how grassing up your neighbours or people behaving like the Stasi is beneficial to society, it can only lead to distrust and resentment.

---

Personal relationships take years to establish but only moments of madness to ruin."

This.

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By *.D.I.D.A.S OP Man
over a year ago

London/Essex... ish... Romford to be exact

I think we have a welfare liaison officer from the hospital so perhaps I'll reach out should the need arise and see what happens.

As you mention FT caring, I will also be working my normal 9-5 job albeit from home. Does anyone with experience of caring for another who is undergoing intense chemo know if this is manageable? I just assumed I'd be able to cope doing both. Caring will take priority of course so if the phone rings off the hook, so be it. My boss is understanding but neither of us really know what to expect. I don't want his business to suffer if I cannot juggle both at once. Maybe I'll just have to see how it goes but warn him?

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

I think we have a welfare liaison officer from the hospital so perhaps I'll reach out should the need arise and see what happens.

Definitely discuss with your boss. Forewarned is forearmed etc. I think the answer about coping with work and the chemo is everyone is different. It depends on the regime, the meds used, how the person reacts. You'll only know when it happens. I spent three months (nearly) caring for my dad when he had pneumonia and was later recovering and I worked in some crazy places with my laptop and a WiFi hotspot. I taught lessons online from the hospital car park, attended online meetings from the hospital café (which existed last February). I borrowed a wheelchair from a friend and towed him round the hospital (I'm a wheelchair user myself). I worked from his house a lot too. It was very hard work but we coped.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

NHS nurse... say no more...

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By *.D.I.D.A.S OP Man
over a year ago

London/Essex... ish... Romford to be exact

I think we have a welfare liaison officer from the hospital so perhaps I'll reach out should the need arise and see what happens.

OK cheers. I hadn't given it my full thoughts until this thread made me realise it possibly isn't just a case of cooking meals, giving meds, collecting prescriptions and driving to the hospital but perhaps more is involved. My boss even mentioned me coming into the office once per week for a few hours to which I said maybe.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

I think we have a welfare liaison officer from the hospital so perhaps I'll reach out should the need arise and see what happens.

You may end up needing to help with personal care - dressing, washing, the loo etc, but that'd depend on your mum's condition, how the chemo affects her. Be prepared for things to be very variable. You can't really plan to be a carer, even for things like pre arranged surgery, because the recovery and bumps along the way are so very individual. Make use of the family liaison person and I'm assuming it's cancer treatment, so look into Macmillan nurses who might be able to support.

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By *.D.I.D.A.S OP Man
over a year ago

London/Essex... ish... Romford to be exact

I've tried to be a little prepared and researched what the affects may be for it and if it gets messy I'm sure I won't be able to simply hop straight back onto my laptop immediately after. My mind may not even be able to focus. If I'm unable to give her the best care possible I'd definitely be willing to ask for outside support so I'll do that. Thank you.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"I've tried to be a little prepared and researched what the affects may be for it and if it gets messy I'm sure I won't be able to simply hop straight back onto my laptop immediately after. My mind may not even be able to focus. If I'm unable to give her the best care possible I'd definitely be willing to ask for outside support so I'll do that. Thank you. "

Best wishes to you and your mum

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By *.D.I.D.A.S OP Man
over a year ago

London/Essex... ish... Romford to be exact

Best wishes to you and your mum

Back atcha

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By *ussyeater79Man
over a year ago

sunderland

"Common sense stay at home like everyone else ..... what that says about me is that I don’t want anymore people to die. What does breaking the rules say about you?"

Common sense says people are going to die, virus or not! We need to just get on with our lives and let natural selection do what it does best!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm treating everyone outside my immediate family as if they have the virus.. what everyone else decides is their choice. ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES!

PERIOD!

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By *izaabcWoman
over a year ago

Around

Stay the fuck at home it is once’s who go out and party that don’t give a fuck about anyone else only themselves u could have said no it is that simple

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

"OP, you sound like quite a few I keep reading about who simply justify their own actions for breaking rules because you felt they were justified.

I don't understand what your post is trying to say and certainly can't see why you feel you can't trust your friends. Maybe they're saying the same about you."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's all being blown out of proportion stop being so gullible more people die of the flu

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By *dam_TinaCouple
over a year ago

Hampshire

"It's all being blown out of proportion stop being so gullible more people die of the flu"

Ignorance at its finest

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By *iss KissWoman
over a year ago

near Coventry

I'm so pissed off with my brother. My mum has low immunity anyway due to tablets. She 74. My brother visits her with his 14 year old daughter every weekend just for a cup of tea for an hour or 2. I haven't seen her for weeks. Neither have my other 2 sisters. He still sees all his mates too. Im really annoyed at him.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Brave post OP. And one I completely relate to.

I am increasingly angry about all of this. Like you, I am guilty of breaking the rules occasionally. I have to admit I got complacent. I also struggled massively - being a single parent, history of depression, chronic illness - i got lonely and broke the rules on 2 or 3 occasions. I make no judgements of the occasional lapse. What I do judge is this bullshit narrative that lockdowns don't work, the vaccine is dangerous, that it is all a conspiracy yadda yadda.

I work in health/social care. I listened to a friend crying because they lost 12 people in a week at their care home, talked to colleagues at breaking point because how busy their departments are, and how friends had to make the choice to go to work knowing their safety cannot be guaranteed.

I also cannot stand this argument about people with underlying health conditions are fair game just so Wetherspoons can open again. I have a chronic health condiction- it isn't life threatening, my life expectancy isn't affected but in some camps if I die well, oh well, never mind.

I also know 3 people who have developed long covid and the impact on their lives has been horrific.

It also makes me laugh how people now quote mental health as a reason to break the rules. Support groups and counselling are allowed under the restrictions. Those of us who experience or work in MH know there is support out there. Have a thought about how people's irresponsible behaviour impacts someone with OCD over illness, about how difficult it is for those with anxiety to see people flouting the rules, and those with depression seeing their illness used as an excuse to justify irresponsible behaviour.

Oh and just to rub salt in the wound, mental illness is significantly higher in those who will have a chronic condition or are caring for someone who does, so in fact, is a stronger case for adhering to the tier restrictions.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Apologies... It's a long one...

I am sure most of us know someone within their own circle who have flouted the rules. I can't claim to have been 100% stringent myself either thoughout this entire period.

"
the only honest thing to do is to go to your local police station and hand your self in its the only truly honest thing to do....

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By *osweet69Couple
over a year ago

portsmouth

"Let him without sin cast the first stone.

Said he who had no sin.

"
In the eyes of some Jesus was without sin, if he was not he could not saves us from ourselves.

Others would say if Jesus had never sinned, then there would have been no reason for him to have been baptized.(for the remission of sins)

There rages the debate forever, who is a sinner and who is not guilty of sin.

It must be remembered Jesus never cast the first stone so was he therefore showing by not doing so he to was not without sin?

There Endeth the Lesson.

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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry

Intentional and wilful rule breaking is different from being a victim of circumstance.

Go forth and sin no more.

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By *racy_JacksWoman
over a year ago

Derby

I’m sorry to hear about your Mum and that you’re struggling

I would say that in the current circumstances, tensions in relationships are inevitable. The circumstances that we are in are totally alien, we’re required to do things that are unnatural to us. The circumstances are also temporary and hopefully we’ll never see them again in our lifetime

So IMO experiencing difficulties and tensions under these unique and temporary circumstances when these relationships are positive and supportive during normal times, shouldn’t be, or at least doesn’t need to be, a reason to end them. There’s no need to throw the baby out with the bath water and block everyone, and as you’ve said that would be very lonely and detrimental to your mental health

You said you’re worried that you’ll never be able to forgive them... that might be the case but bear in mind that sensitivities are heightened at the moment. Perhaps if your circumstances were different you’d still be acting a bit more lax. However you can assess how you feel about everything later down the line. Try not to worry about how you might feel in the future now, just focus on doing what you need to do for now and draw on emotional support as much as you can

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Apologies... It's a long one...

I am sure most of us know someone within their own circle who have flouted the rules. I can't claim to have been 100% stringent myself either thoughout this entire period.

What’s known as a “Road to Damascus” moment. You see the error of your ways and change.

The problem with it is when one then starts preaching the new mantra as if this then absolves one from past errors.

I doubt anyone has stuck rigidly to rules, recommendations or regulations especially as they seem to change regularly and are rarely absolute.

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By *mmabluTV/TS
over a year ago

upton wirral

"Apologies... It's a long one...

I am sure most of us know someone within their own circle who have flouted the rules. I can't claim to have been 100% stringent myself either thoughout this entire period.

"
I think we all know people friends and relations breaking the rules.

I tell them I believe they are being stupid and if they get ill then they only have themselves to blame.

I am aware that even though I follow the rules I can catch covid at the supermarket so nobody is safe.

I exept that not everyone will follow the rules as I do.

My hot water boiler is acting up to the engineer is coming tomorrow and it scares me but life has to go on I assume it is allowed but a risk.

These are tough times but the one thing I cannot tolerate is anti vaxers I did have a friend who was spouting off this crap to me and to me she is no longer a friend,she can do as she want but trying to influence me or anyone else on this to me is discusting.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Apologies... It's a long one...

I am sure most of us know someone within their own circle who have flouted the rules. I can't claim to have been 100% stringent myself either thoughout this entire period.

the only honest thing to do is to go to your local police station and hand your self in its the only truly honest thing to do...."

and they'd send you away for wasting police time.

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By *melia DominaTV/TS
over a year ago

Edinburgh (She/Her)

This kind of thread is no different to the "do you meet or do you not" threads.

It is pretty simple;

Everyone has there own risk assessment level regarding This virus regardless of government guidance.

It is a standard bell curve in statistical analysis.

Most will be sensible, some overly cautious, some won't give a fucking damn!!

It's for every one to decide where they are in that curve and to assess their own risks for their own situation.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Amazing topic. Hopefully your governments will not ask you to jump off the cliff.

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By *elshsunsWoman
over a year ago

Flintshire

"Amazing topic. Hopefully your governments will not ask you to jump off the cliff. "

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By *talian KyleMan
over a year ago

London

[Removed by poster at 03/01/21 12:14:18]

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By *talian KyleMan
over a year ago

London

Not your own behaviour but your family is one the reasons that all take a long time for the numbers of CoVid cases to go down....you are not alone in breaking some rules....

Personally I have not been able to break the social interaction with some friends ....although now I tend to meet outside with the same bubble....

But house parties and meeting people while perfectly knowing to have Covid....that is just not acceptable...

" Apologies... It's a long one...

I am sure most of us know someone within their own circle who have flouted the rules. I can't claim to have been 100% stringent myself either thoughout this entire period.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

just because you believe everything you are fed doesn't make me ignorant

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" just because you believe everything you are fed doesn't make me ignorant"

Or wise

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" just because you believe everything you are fed doesn't make me ignorant"

And who is really ignorant when we remind about cancer, suicides, economy etc etc etc

Looking at things only as a one dimension covid level, ignoring the whole complexity, is not responsible.

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By *aralewisCouple
over a year ago

South Yorkshire

Well what you mean breaking rules

And it’s sad that people can’t debate anymore and understand why they doing certain things...we was told stop at home in first lockdown nearly everyone did

Death was still high

And airport was open from flights from Italy

No testing nothing

Then we was told it was safer to go work than stop at home when they wanted economy back up and running

Then was eat out to help out

And the government tool was to make us think we was all in it together but blame others that wasn’t following the rules

When the rules hardly made sense

Lockdown not going to work

Because track and trace was useless

The ppe government bought at first was useless

And still if someone goes out without a mask they get branded as killing people

When you don’t know if they have asthma etc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Apologies... It's a long one...

I am sure most of us know someone within their own circle who have flouted the rules. I can't claim to have been 100% stringent myself either thoughout this entire period.

the only honest thing to do is to go to your local police station and hand your self in its the only truly honest thing to do....

and they'd send you away for wasting police time.

Haha please don't tell me you took that as a serious answer to actually go to the police and hand your self in....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well what you mean breaking rules

And it’s sad that people can’t debate anymore and understand why they doing certain things...we was told stop at home in first lockdown nearly everyone did

Death was still high

And airport was open from flights from Italy

No testing nothing

Then we was told it was safer to go work than stop at home when they wanted economy back up and running

Then was eat out to help out

And the government tool was to make us think we was all in it together but blame others that wasn’t following the rules

When the rules hardly made sense

Lockdown not going to work

Because track and trace was useless

The ppe government bought at first was useless

And still if someone goes out without a mask they get branded as killing people

When you don’t know if they have asthma etc

The government have largely been reactive and still are which would go along with what you say.

If they had been more proactive, so tougher and more draconian then there would have been even more moaning about infringement of civil liberties.

The Tier system has been a complete failure overall.

I watched the spread via the figures daily and it came North to South and then with the mutation its now going back the other way.

Figures for here (Canterbury ward) suggest infections are falling but what’s the point of taking Kent out of Tier 4 if infections drop low enough if its likely to then spread back down North to South.

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By *andAukCouple
over a year ago

leeds

" Small children were removed from their parent's care at little notice and sent to live in the countryside for several years. Families were separated for the duration of the war by active service (which included being drafted to work in other parts of the UK as Bevan boys, land girls etc). Food was in short supply and many other aspects of normal life were completely removed. Freedom to say what you like, do what you like etc were removed or restricted in many ways. There are many parallels now, just with a lot more food available."

Very much this, people forget how much we actually have these days and take it as a given right to have them.

My grandparents first home had a communal toilet at the end of the street and a tin bath filled by water heated on the coal fire.

They endured food rationing and my grandfather experianced the horrors of war first hand, maintaining bombers and cleaning up the aftermath of a bombing raid.

I think that this made them stronger people and should the electric or gas go off they just made do.

My great grandparents had it even harder, fighting in the trenches and working as housemaids.

I'd like to think that this pandemic will make our daughter a stronger person. At no point have we complained about our privileges.

We have so much more these days 100's of TV channels, computer games, video calling (we didn't even have a telephone until I was 8 years old.)

Until people actually look at what they do have and not what they don't things will never change.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Let him without sin cast the first stone.

Said he who had no sin.

In the eyes of some Jesus was without sin, if he was not he could not saves us from ourselves.

Others would say if Jesus had never sinned, then there would have been no reason for him to have been baptized.(for the remission of sins)

There rages the debate forever, who is a sinner and who is not guilty of sin.

It must be remembered Jesus never cast the first stone so was he therefore showing by not doing so he to was not without sin?

There Endeth the Lesson.

No lesson other than clear interpretation of what some want it to say simply to justify their comment or their perceptions.

That's the primary lesson I've learnt in the past 9 months here on fab forums, we can't read into something anything we like to suit our own agenda.

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By *osweet69Couple
over a year ago

portsmouth

"Let him without sin cast the first stone.

Said he who had no sin.

In the eyes of some Jesus was without sin, if he was not he could not saves us from ourselves.

Others would say if Jesus had never sinned, then there would have been no reason for him to have been baptized.(for the remission of sins)

There rages the debate forever, who is a sinner and who is not guilty of sin.

It must be remembered Jesus never cast the first stone so was he therefore showing by not doing so he to was not without sin?

There Endeth the Lesson.

No lesson other than clear interpretation of what some want it to say simply to justify their comment or their perceptions.

That's the primary lesson I've learnt in the past 9 months here on fab forums, we can't read into something anything we like to suit our own agenda."

Do not judge lest you be judged.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Let him without sin cast the first stone.

Said he who had no sin.

In the eyes of some Jesus was without sin, if he was not he could not saves us from ourselves.

Others would say if Jesus had never sinned, then there would have been no reason for him to have been baptized.(for the remission of sins)

There rages the debate forever, who is a sinner and who is not guilty of sin.

It must be remembered Jesus never cast the first stone so was he therefore showing by not doing so he to was not without sin?

There Endeth the Lesson.

No lesson other than clear interpretation of what some want it to say simply to justify their comment or their perceptions.

That's the primary lesson I've learnt in the past 9 months here on fab forums, we can't read into something anything we like to suit our own agenda.

Do not judge lest you be judged.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’d never report anyone either, I think it’s immoral and unfair to turn people against each other, there is enough hate in the world

Theres a few neighbours I have my eye on, payback is a bitch.

Remember be nice to your neighbours....

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

Very much this, people forget how much we actually have these days and take it as a given right to have them.

My grandparents first home had a communal toilet at the end of the street and a tin bath filled by water heated on the coal fire.

They endured food rationing and my grandfather experianced the horrors of war first hand, maintaining bombers and cleaning up the aftermath of a bombing raid.

I think that this made them stronger people and should the electric or gas go off they just made do.

My great grandparents had it even harder, fighting in the trenches and working as housemaids.

I'd like to think that this pandemic will make our daughter a stronger person. At no point have we complained about our privileges.

We have so much more these days 100's of TV channels, computer games, video calling (we didn't even have a telephone until I was 8 years old.)

Until people actually look at what they do have and not what they don't things will never change. "

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

"I’d never report anyone either, I think it’s immoral and unfair to turn people against each other, there is enough hate in the world

Theres a few neighbours I have my eye on, payback is a bitch.

Remember be nice to your neighbours...."

What goes around, comes around. Karma is a bitch...

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By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

New year's Eve both my neighbour's either side had parties/ gathering of friends and family about 10/15 people, two house's along also had guests, 3 house's accross the road the same and in the close behind us you could hear a fair amount of noise so guessing the same, plus many many fireworks.

I'd love to have reported the lot of them but as there's no police station in GOSPORT anymore and nothing would have happened what the fuck would have been the point.

It seems that anarchy is actually in the UK and the government has lost control.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Apologies... It's a long one...

I am sure most of us know someone within their own circle who have flouted the rules. I can't claim to have been 100% stringent myself either thoughout this entire period.

You broke the rules several times yourself, how many people have you infected without knowing?

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By *incskittenWoman
over a year ago

Nottingham

"Apologies... It's a long one...

I am sure most of us know someone within their own circle who have flouted the rules. I can't claim to have been 100% stringent myself either thoughout this entire period.

I feel angry at people who break the rules then try to justify why.

You went somewhere knowing a gathering was taking place .

You admit to rule breaking and you feel bad that you did.

Good ,you should feel bad . You say you did so because you had no choice , we all have the ability to tell ourselves no.You chose not to.

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By *ealthy_and_HungMan
over a year ago

Princes Risborough, Luasanne, Alderney

i feel sorry for Wales. i'm reading reports of how wardens in the national parks there are being abused by people travelling from up to a couple of hundred miles away in england, to go mountain climbing, snow boarding, trips to the beach and various other tourist activities as though it were a public holiday and generally causing a real strain on already overstretched rural resources.

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

"i feel sorry for Wales. i'm reading reports of how wardens in the national parks there are being abused by people travelling from up to a couple of hundred miles away in england, to go mountain climbing, snow boarding, trips to the beach and various other tourist activities as though it were a public holiday and generally causing a real strain on already overstretched rural resources. "

It’s not a good advert for common sense.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’d never report anyone either, I think it’s immoral and unfair to turn people against each other, there is enough hate in the world

Theres a few neighbours I have my eye on, payback is a bitch.

Remember be nice to your neighbours...."

You have your eye on them because you think they're reporting you?

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By *.D.I.D.A.S OP Man
over a year ago

London/Essex... ish... Romford to be exact

"Apologies... It's a long one...

I am sure most of us know someone within their own circle who have flouted the rules. I can't claim to have been 100% stringent myself either thoughout this entire period.

the only honest thing to do is to go to your local police station and hand your self in its the only truly honest thing to do....

and they'd send you away for wasting police time.

Haha please don't tell me you took that as a serious answer to actually go to the police and hand your self in...."

Er... Someone please call my lawyer for me. And water my plants. I may be a while.

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By *oonloverWoman
over a year ago

bognor regis

"Surely it is a personal choice what we do. "
. Totally agree. What boils my piss is people moaning about people doing x, y, z whilst doing exactly the same themselves

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’d never report anyone either, I think it’s immoral and unfair to turn people against each other, there is enough hate in the world

Theres a few neighbours I have my eye on, payback is a bitch.

Remember be nice to your neighbours....

You have your eye on them because you think they're reporting you? "

Nope, they have fucked me off one time too many.

Their shitty attitude, being inconsiderate to the neighbours. Generally being a cunt.

Like I said, be nice to your neighbours, they won't be waiting for payback.

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By *eah BabyCouple
over a year ago

Cheshire, Windermere ,Cumbria

It’s not just Wales having this problem, it appears people just can’t stay where they are, happened in Lancashire 90% of cars were from out of area, Cheshire 12 cars rescued in the snow but only one car was from Cheshire so it appears people can’t stay put.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"Apologies... It's a long one...

I am sure most of us know someone within their own circle who have flouted the rules. I can't claim to have been 100% stringent myself either thoughout this entire period.

Jamaicans have a saying: thieves hate to see other thieves with bulging bags. It seems to me you felt you were "justified" in breaking the rules but felt guilty, yet annoyed others are doing it without remorse.

Perhaps they're not "remorseful" because like you, they can justify their actions.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s shocking how many people don’t give a toss, logged on this morning and the amount of people posting meets had last night and asking for meets still is shocking.

Surely these people have people they know who is affected by lockdown ie shielding ppl or people off work etc. But they still seem to have the am ok jack attitude.

I understand it’s tough but ffs if people keep being selfish this will go on and on.

Sorry for rant just frustrating

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By *orthern StarsCouple
over a year ago

Durham

What is frustrating is people travelling miles and miles to exercise. It's totally unnecessary and is still happening. The beauty areas near us have had people from far and wide.

Then where was the londoner who travelled to the lake district to climb a mountain, then needed mountain rescue. Disgusting selfish behavior.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"What is frustrating is people travelling miles and miles to exercise. It's totally unnecessary and is still happening. The beauty areas near us have had people from far and wide.

Then where was the londoner who travelled to the lake district to climb a mountain, then needed mountain rescue. Disgusting selfish behavior."

There's no wondering how the rates in the Lake District suddenly went berserk over Christmas, having been reasonably well controlled in early December. I wonder where the people on those trains out of the South went to?!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would have absolutely NO hesitation in reporting them simple as that.

They are the ones responsible for us being at higher risk once again, they are the ones who have been selfish enough to break the rules forcing the country into yet another lockdown.

They are the ones with blood on their hands

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ps the behaviour of the people around you is disgusting truly I’m appalled - no one I know is breaking the rules not friends or family. You need to find better people to surround yourself with. Seriously you don’t need cunts like that in your life "

Harsh

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You can't change what has already been.

You have identified what your risks are currently for you and your mum.

We shield my grandad which means only one family member with him. No-one allowed to step on the doorstep, we drove and waved through the front window. Presents went via garage and family carer uv lighted everything. Perhaps that may seem the other end of the spectrum. However at the age of 91 he is still quick witted, functional following occlusion surgery performed last month. Lost eye sight and deaf when he chooses to be. But he still wants to be here, cuts his own hedges beautifully. What right do I have to impose myself in his space because it makes me feel better.

You can only control your actions and make peace with your choices. Then you can choose to not agree with but accept everyone will make their own choices and we can choose to condone report or ignore. As you feel comfortable with.

Sorry a bit of waffling. I just feel we are all very quick to throw spite and delight in anothers downfall.

It takes so much more to help lift someone up and help them along their journey.

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By *amish SMan
over a year ago

Eastleigh

The wise learn from others, those doing their own thing learn the hard way.

Just heard a 28 year old body builder who had an attitude problem has just overcome covid. Suddenly that attitude changed when he sweated constantly for 4 days and even bled through his nose, now he has a lot more respect for it.

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By *.D.I.D.A.S OP Man
over a year ago

London/Essex... ish... Romford to be exact

You can't change what has already been.

You have identified what your risks are currently for you and your mum.

Sorry a bit of waffling. I just feel we are all very quick to throw spite and delight in anothers downfall.

It takes so much more to help lift someone up and help them along their journey.

I see your 'waffle' as a reasoned response and one of the few rare contributions along with a few others which actually addresses what my post is about. I appreciate you taking the time to waffle so thoughtfully.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Surely it is a personal choice what we do.

I am not doing something that is endangering everyone else, I am making a conscious decision based on the risks.

Whilst I generally find WW2 and COVID analogies a little wide of the mark (especially when they come from the PM), this is absolutely spot on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What is frustrating is people travelling miles and miles to exercise. It's totally unnecessary and is still happening. The beauty areas near us have had people from far and wide.

Then where was the londoner who travelled to the lake district to climb a mountain, then needed mountain rescue. Disgusting selfish behavior.

I’ve also heard of a number of people still travelling to their Lake District lodges/caravans etc as it was “only advised not to go out of Tier 3 and not law”.

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