FabSwingers.com forum: I think I finally understand the latest guidance. Please read with a sense of humour

By *litterbabe OP Woman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

Copied and tongue in cheek ..

I think I’ve worked it out...

* 4 year olds can go to school, but university students who have paid for the tuition they haven’t had and the accommodation they aren’t living in, can’t go to university.

* A teacher can go to school with many 4 year olds that they are not related to, but can’t see one 4 year old that they are related to.

* You can sit in a park, but not tomorrow or Tuesday but by Wednesday that’ll be fine.

* You can meet one person from another household for a chat or to sunbathe, but not two people so if you know two people from another household you have to pick your favourite. Hopefully, you’re also their favourite person from your household or this could be awkward. But possibly you’re not. But as I can’t go closer than 2m to the one you choose anyway you wouldn’t think having the other one sat next to them would matter - unless two people would restrict your eyeline too much and prevent you from being alert.

* You can work all day with your colleagues, but you can’t sit in their garden for a chat after work.

* You can now do unlimited exercise when quite frankly just doing an hour a day feels like you are some kind of fitness guru. I can think of lots of things that I would like to be unlimited but exercise definitely isn’t one of them.

* You can drive to other destinations, although which destinations is unclear.

* The buses are still running past your house, but you shouldn’t get on one. We should just let empty buses drive around so bus drivers aren’t doing nothing.

* It will soon be time to quarantine people coming into the country by air... but not yet. It’s too soon. And not ever if you’re coming from France because... well, I don’t know why, actually. Because the French version of coronavirus wouldn’t come to the UK maybe.

* Our youngest children go back to school first because... they are notoriously good at not touching things they shouldn’t, maintain personal space at all times and never randomly lick you.

* We are somewhere in between 3.5 and 4.5 on a five point scale where 5 is all of the virus and 1 is none of the virus but 2,3 and 4 can be anything you’d like it to be really. Some of the virus? A bit of the virus? Just enough virus to see off those over 70s who were told to self isolate but now we’ve realised that they’ve done that a bit too well despite us offloading coronavirus patients into care homes and now we are claiming that was never said in the first place, even though it’s in writing in the stay at home guidance.

* The slogan isn’t stay at home any more, so we don’t have to stay at home. Except we do. Unless we can’t. In which case we should go out. But there will be fines if we break the rules. So don’t do that.

Don’t forget...

Stay alert... which Robert Jenrick has explained actually means Stay home as much as possible. Obviously.

Control the virus. Well, I can’t even control my dogs and I can actually see them. Plus I know a bit about dogs and very little about controlling viruses.

Save lives. Always preferable to not saving lives, I’d say, so I’ll try my best with that one, although hopefully I don’t need telling to do that. I know I’m bragging now but not NOT saving lives is something I do every day.

So there you are. If you’re the weirdo wanting unlimited exercise then enjoy. But not until Wednesday. Obviously.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That really made me laugh

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By *ittleMissCaliWoman
over a year ago

all loved up

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By *candiumWoman
over a year ago

oban

Unless you're in Scotland where we have to ignore everything on the national news and just have local rules

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By *vbride1963TV/TS
over a year ago

E.K . Glasgow

Brightens up a Monday this .

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By *ittlemissroseWoman
over a year ago

Wembley

This is the best corona post I’ve seen yet!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I read somewhere that it was ESTIMATED that between 5 and 80% of people with COVID-19 are asymptomatic. Now that's what I call sticking your neck out.

Why not just go the whole hog and say with absolute certainty that the figure is DEFINITELY between 0 and 100%?

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By *dores blackmenWoman
over a year ago

incognito mode ;-)

Im voting Glitterbabe for the next prime minister

You say it how it is

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By *ouble_The_DelightCouple
over a year ago

Wakefield

So funny, love it.

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By *herryblossom_BJWoman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire

Bloody spot on... Love it

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By *herryblossom_BJWoman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire

Glitterbabe, if you disapprove of cock pics... Can i have your rejects?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just brilliant x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I read somewhere that it was ESTIMATED that between 5 and 80% of people with COVID-19 are asymptomatic. Now that's what I call sticking your neck out.

Why not just go the whole hog and say with absolute certainty that the figure is DEFINITELY between 0 and 100%?"

Everyone likes a healthy margin of error

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By *effrey45Man
over a year ago

Lytham

Very well written

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I read somewhere that it was ESTIMATED that between 5 and 80% of people with COVID-19 are asymptomatic. Now that's what I call sticking your neck out.

Why not just go the whole hog and say with absolute certainty that the figure is DEFINITELY between 0 and 100%?

Everyone likes a healthy margin of error

I know. I made the statement that asymptomatic cases were the exception rather than the rule. Someone challenged me and said they were the rule rather than the exception.

When I looked it up I discovered we were both right and both wrong.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I read somewhere that it was ESTIMATED that between 5 and 80% of people with COVID-19 are asymptomatic. Now that's what I call sticking your neck out.

Why not just go the whole hog and say with absolute certainty that the figure is DEFINITELY between 0 and 100%?

Everyone likes a healthy margin of error

I know. I made the statement that asymptomatic cases were the exception rather than the rule. Someone challenged me and said they were the rule rather than the exception.

When I looked it up I discovered we were both right and both wrong.

It's the Schrodingers Cat of COVID-19....

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire

Brilliant ! and don’t forget if you travel to Scotland, Ireland and Wales they may have different rules

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By *aria_dreamgirlTV/TS
over a year ago

stockport

Just to add to your brilliant post. Boris said we could all sunbathe now but I wonder which weather forecast he was looking at as soon as he said that the sun went in.Probably self isolating.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just to add to your brilliant post. Boris said we could all sunbathe now but I wonder which weather forecast he was looking at as soon as he said that the sun went in.Probably self isolating. "

Maybe it's hiding in the fridge. Didn't want to be associated with Boris.

Sounds like a light bulb joke... how many Tories cam you fit in a fridge? Depends how many meters apart they are....

Remember when you couldn't keep him away from the camera? Now Kim Jong-un makes more live appearances

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By *al2001Man
over a year ago

kildare

"Just to add to your brilliant post. Boris said we could all sunbathe now but I wonder which weather forecast he was looking at as soon as he said that the sun went in.Probably self isolating. "

He can't even get the weather right

He spoke to the weather man,listened to what he had to say being the expert,and said whatever suited him in the end

But that's funny old Boris for you

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By *orny IrishMan
over a year ago

Rural Wiltshire

I think you hit the nail inbthe head there. Much clearer than BoJo.

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By *oldswarriorMan
over a year ago

Falkirk

Brilliant

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

"I read somewhere that it was ESTIMATED that between 5 and 80% of people with COVID-19 are asymptomatic. Now that's what I call sticking your neck out.

Why not just go the whole hog and say with absolute certainty that the figure is DEFINITELY between 0 and 100%?

Everyone likes a healthy margin of error

I know. I made the statement that asymptomatic cases were the exception rather than the rule. Someone challenged me and said they were the rule rather than the exception.

When I looked it up I discovered we were both right and both wrong.

actually.... we might get our 1st answer to this....

on thursday, the ONS are due to release the results of a sample study they have done on 10,000 random people in the population they randomly chose for tests... so we may get our first indicator....

they did the same sort of study in New York city about 2 weeks ago.... there they found the infection rate was roughly around 20% of the general population......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You can also fly to France and then come in to the UK without an issue

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

"You can also fly to France and then come in to the UK without an issue

And could go on a round the world tour by cruise ships and flights, having ensured you visited hotspots only in your mercy mission, finally flying back to to the UK via France and you'll be fine too.

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By *al2001Man
over a year ago

kildare

"You can also fly to France and then come in to the UK without an issue

And could go on a round the world tour by cruise ships and flights, having ensured you visited hotspots only in your mercy mission, finally flying back to to the UK via France and you'll be fine too. "

Seeing as your flying back into one of the biggest hotspots chances are you would be better of in those other parts of the world

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fantastic ..great u bought this. The thick idiot didnt make any sense last night.. i bet if he looks back and realises what a plonka he is and showed him self up on live tv..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Copied and tongue in cheek ..

I think I’ve worked it out...

* 4 year olds can go to school, but university students who have paid for the tuition they haven’t had and the accommodation they aren’t living in, can’t go to university.

* A teacher can go to school with many 4 year olds that they are not related to, but can’t see one 4 year old that they are related to.

* You can sit in a park, but not tomorrow or Tuesday but by Wednesday that’ll be fine.

* You can work all day with your colleagues, but you can’t sit in their garden for a chat after work.

* You can drive to other destinations, although which destinations is unclear.

* The buses are still running past your house, but you shouldn’t get on one. We should just let empty buses drive around so bus drivers aren’t doing nothing.

* Our youngest children go back to school first because... they are notoriously good at not touching things they shouldn’t, maintain personal space at all times and never randomly lick you.

Don’t forget...

Stay alert... which Robert Jenrick has explained actually means Stay home as much as possible. Obviously.

Control the virus. Well, I can’t even control my dogs and I can actually see them. Plus I know a bit about dogs and very little about controlling viruses.

So there you are. If you’re the weirdo wanting unlimited exercise then enjoy. But not until Wednesday. Obviously."

The buses...

just not On The Buses

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By *aven RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

Made me giggle x

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire

"Fantastic ..great u bought this. The thick idiot didnt make any sense last night.. i bet if he looks back and realises what a plonka he is and showed him self up on live tv..

That wasn’t live, it was pre-recorded so imagine what he’d be like live

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You can go to work, if your workplace is open

If its closed, you can still go, but you might not get in

Dems da roolz

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I read somewhere that it was ESTIMATED that between 5 and 80% of people with COVID-19 are asymptomatic. Now that's what I call sticking your neck out.

Why not just go the whole hog and say with absolute certainty that the figure is DEFINITELY between 0 and 100%?

Everyone likes a healthy margin of error

I know. I made the statement that asymptomatic cases were the exception rather than the rule. Someone challenged me and said they were the rule rather than the exception.

When I looked it up I discovered we were both right and both wrong.

actually.... we might get our 1st answer to this....

on thursday, the ONS are due to release the results of a sample study they have done on 10,000 random people in the population they randomly chose for tests... so we may get our first indicator....

they did the same sort of study in New York city about 2 weeks ago.... there they found the infection rate was roughly around 20% of the general population......"

What I got from the bit of reading is that it all depends where you are. It seems that different climates and different ethnicities effect COVID-19 symptoms and mortality.

The common denominator seemed to be Vitamin D. Simply put it seems that some people need more sunlight to produce Vitamin D.

My response was to start a thread on the subject.

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By *hilMan
over a year ago

HOUGHTON LE SPRING

All summed up perfectly by Matt Lucas's impersonation of P.M., recommended if you want a laugh.

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By *arakiss12TV/TS
over a year ago

Bedford

It's alright for Boris he's already had it he can bounce about like Tigger.

I'll go back to work when I think it's safe.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Stay at home, go to work, save billionaires.

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

Great post, I'm still laughing.

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By *litterbabe OP Woman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

"Glitterbabe, if you disapprove of cock pics... Can i have your rejects?

Absolutely 100-percent, I will forward them on erectly... I mean directly

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By *litterbabe OP Woman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

"Im voting Glitterbabe for the next prime minister

You say it how it is

Then I don't think I would qualify as a pm!!!

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

"I read somewhere that it was ESTIMATED that between 5 and 80% of people with COVID-19 are asymptomatic. Now that's what I call sticking your neck out.

Why not just go the whole hog and say with absolute certainty that the figure is DEFINITELY between 0 and 100%?

Everyone likes a healthy margin of error

I know. I made the statement that asymptomatic cases were the exception rather than the rule. Someone challenged me and said they were the rule rather than the exception.

When I looked it up I discovered we were both right and both wrong.

actually.... we might get our 1st answer to this....

on thursday, the ONS are due to release the results of a sample study they have done on 10,000 random people in the population they randomly chose for tests... so we may get our first indicator....

they did the same sort of study in New York city about 2 weeks ago.... there they found the infection rate was roughly around 20% of the general population......

What I got from the bit of reading is that it all depends where you are. It seems that different climates and different ethnicities effect COVID-19 symptoms and mortality.

The common denominator seemed to be Vitamin D. Simply put it seems that some people need more sunlight to produce Vitamin D.

My response was to start a thread on the subject."

if you watched the presser today "vallance" actually gave an interesting answer....

he "thinks" that in london that about 10% of people have got/had it so far... but in the rest of the country he "thinks" that its likely to be somewhere around 4% of the population...

which means that if there is a big "2nd wave" in the autumn.... there is a lot of the population this thing has to go thru before you even think about "herd immunity!"...... and a 2nd wave could potentially be huge!!

remember it was the 2nd wave of the "spanish flu" that killed the most people.....

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By *ab_SparklesWoman
over a year ago

sparkle Surprised

Saw this on fb earlier so so funny

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By *ab_SparklesWoman
over a year ago

sparkle Surprised

"Fantastic ..great u bought this. The thick idiot didnt make any sense last night.. i bet if he looks back and realises what a plonka he is and showed him self up on live tv..

That wasn’t live, it was pre-recorded so imagine what he’d be like live

He waffled in the commons today, Lindsay had to remind him of 10mins talking he went over, but stermer and Ian had him preplaxed at their questions...

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