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advice affair - don't judge

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By *outhside42 OP   Man
over a year ago

shawlands

hi, been married 8yrs and when first got together knew she had low drive, but we got/get on great and have fantastic life. she had accident few years back and since then no interest, and have supported and told her how sexy she is. I joined this site thinking she may just not fancy me and maybe physical part of relationship could be shared together but separately which I would be happy with but never broached subject.

we had uncomfortable conversation yesterday (I think because so honest on her part) where she said she loves me and wants me, but has no interest in that side of things with anybody. she said that happy for me to have affair as long as she does not know, and not in our marital home.

feel kinda confused and lost, as feel like I can now fulfil the part missing in my life, and have good friend with intimacy but don't know where to start (e.g sites), would really like help and advice from someone in same position

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By *areToBe43Man
over a year ago

Surrey

Hi - i’m in a very similar position with the exception that our sex life was great before marriage. Two kids and seven years in and my other half’s libido is extinct. I mean, totally kaput.

I’ve tried tried tried talking, explaining, asking, listening - to try to understand whether there’s an underlying problem or anything I can change but each time we just end up in the same place.

I try to be understanding - I mean, if you’re not feeling it you’re not feeling it - but I do feel like i’ve been left high and dry.

I still love her desperately and would do anything to rekindle the spark but what am I supposed to do in the meantime? Sex drive isn’t something that you can turn on or off at the flip of a switch.

(This reply isn’t a request for sympathy, btw - this is fab: I know I won’t get any. Just that your situation chimes with mine.)

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By *outhside42 OP   Man
over a year ago

shawlands

thank you it's good to know not just me, and understand your situation. I have no kids, we are just really great friends, that hold hands, hug and share mortgage

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My other half has a low sex drive and has no interest in sex what so ever. We get on as friend's,and we're raising our child together,but we haven't had sex in about two years.

I've tried talking to him about it..asking him what he needs,but he's just done trying and no longer wants to talk about it.

So your definitely not the only one.

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By *outhside42 OP   Man
over a year ago

shawlands

thanks queenbambi, it's nice to know not getting judged.

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By *c90Man
over a year ago

Noiseville

Same here, at least you have had the conversation. And well done to her, in a way.

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By *ydrewMan
over a year ago

Slough

I'm in same position. As a family unit it works well but there no physical contact at all. I'm staying for my daughter. I e been told to talk to wife. I have she just has no interest or desire. I've been told to leave. I'm not in a position financially to support them and live elsewhere. That would also mean less time with my daughter.

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By *outhside42 OP   Man
over a year ago

shawlands

that must be worse, but well done for putting daughter first

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By *orkie321bWoman
over a year ago

Nottingham

OP I would probably avoid an affair as there is the risk you or the lady becomes emotionally attached. When feelings develop someone is bound to get hurt, be it you, your wife or the other woman.

There is far less risk of damaging your relationship by meeting different people instead of having a FWB. Maybe another little chat about it would help. Ask her how she would feel about you being on fab and just meeting people for sex rather than having an affair.

I would also suggest putting something about it on your profile. Something like "I'm married but on here with my partner's knowledge and consent" would do the trick. Lots of people won't meet cheaters but if you are here with her blessing you are not cheating behind her back - it does make a difference.

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By *ave 42Man
over a year ago

pontefract


"OP I would probably avoid an affair as there is the risk you or the lady becomes emotionally attached. When feelings develop someone is bound to get hurt, be it you, your wife or the other woman.

There is far less risk of damaging your relationship by meeting different people instead of having a FWB. Maybe another little chat about it would help. Ask her how she would feel about you being on fab and just meeting people for sex rather than having an affair.

I would also suggest putting something about it on your profile. Something like "I'm married but on here with my partner's knowledge and consent" would do the trick. Lots of people won't meet cheaters but if you are here with her blessing you are not cheating behind her back - it does make a difference. "

Am in a similar position used to have it on my profile that I was married in a sexless marriage and was here with wife’s approval but got slated by single women so in my experience you can’t win whatever you do

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By *iyuWoman
over a year ago

Cheltenham


"OP I would probably avoid an affair as there is the risk you or the lady becomes emotionally attached. When feelings develop someone is bound to get hurt, be it you, your wife or the other woman.

There is far less risk of damaging your relationship by meeting different people instead of having a FWB. Maybe another little chat about it would help. Ask her how she would feel about you being on fab and just meeting people for sex rather than having an affair.

I would also suggest putting something about it on your profile. Something like "I'm married but on here with my partner's knowledge and consent" would do the trick. Lots of people won't meet cheaters but if you are here with her blessing you are not cheating behind her back - it does make a difference.

Am in a similar position used to have it on my profile that I was married in a sexless marriage and was here with wife’s approval but got slated by single women so in my experience you can’t win whatever you do "

The thing is there is absolutely now way for us to verify that you have your wife's permission which is why I personally tend to avoid married men altogether. Also let's not forget that whole home wrecker image. In my opinion married guys are simply not worth the time, unless I hear their wife say that she agrees which is unlikely to happen.

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By *ave 42Man
over a year ago

pontefract


"OP I would probably avoid an affair as there is the risk you or the lady becomes emotionally attached. When feelings develop someone is bound to get hurt, be it you, your wife or the other woman.

There is far less risk of damaging your relationship by meeting different people instead of having a FWB. Maybe another little chat about it would help. Ask her how she would feel about you being on fab and just meeting people for sex rather than having an affair.

I would also suggest putting something about it on your profile. Something like "I'm married but on here with my partner's knowledge and consent" would do the trick. Lots of people won't meet cheaters but if you are here with her blessing you are not cheating behind her back - it does make a difference.

Am in a similar position used to have it on my profile that I was married in a sexless marriage and was here with wife’s approval but got slated by single women so in my experience you can’t win whatever you do

The thing is there is absolutely now way for us to verify that you have your wife's permission which is why I personally tend to avoid married men altogether. Also let's not forget that whole home wrecker image. In my opinion married guys are simply not worth the time, unless I hear their wife say that she agrees which is unlikely to happen. "

Just curious as to how single women know they are not shagging married guys who are at a club on their own , or is it because it’s in a club it’s acceptable

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By *iyuWoman
over a year ago

Cheltenham


"OP I would probably avoid an affair as there is the risk you or the lady becomes emotionally attached. When feelings develop someone is bound to get hurt, be it you, your wife or the other woman.

There is far less risk of damaging your relationship by meeting different people instead of having a FWB. Maybe another little chat about it would help. Ask her how she would feel about you being on fab and just meeting people for sex rather than having an affair.

I would also suggest putting something about it on your profile. Something like "I'm married but on here with my partner's knowledge and consent" would do the trick. Lots of people won't meet cheaters but if you are here with her blessing you are not cheating behind her back - it does make a difference.

Am in a similar position used to have it on my profile that I was married in a sexless marriage and was here with wife’s approval but got slated by single women so in my experience you can’t win whatever you do

The thing is there is absolutely now way for us to verify that you have your wife's permission which is why I personally tend to avoid married men altogether. Also let's not forget that whole home wrecker image. In my opinion married guys are simply not worth the time, unless I hear their wife say that she agrees which is unlikely to happen.

Just curious as to how single women know they are not shagging married guys who are at a club on their own , or is it because it’s in a club it’s acceptable

"

They won't. But if they don't know then they simply don't know. If the husband is caught its unlikely the woman can look at his messages and trace it back to the person he shagged at a club. Plus the woman is unknowing that he is a cheer.

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By *iyuWoman
over a year ago

Cheltenham

Cheat*

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By *ollydoesWoman
over a year ago

Shangri-La

It's great you been open enough to talk about it..but can you be 100% sure she is ok with this? Her not wanting to know anything about it all to me, would be the first red flag. Can you be absolutely sure she is not just saying this as she is scared to lose you if you dont get what you crave? If you do go ahead and you dont tell her...she will still know. There could be a difference between how she thinks she will feel about it...indifferent...happy for you...maybe awkward...and how she could feel I reality...jealous...upset...hurt..

I hope it all works out for you...not a situation I would like to find myself in.

Ps dont let other people judge you or how you chose to live your life. Be happy x

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By *ill1411Man
over a year ago

Durham

Same here, been married 36 years but she has had no interest in sex for over 20. I've tried everything, and had a couple of friends with benefits over the years. We love each other to bits and I've told her I can't live like a monk so she just said go for it so I did but when I told her she was so hurt so now I have to keep it secret and hope she doesn't find out, there are a lot of judgemental people on here but there's also a lot who are ok.

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By *outhside42 OP   Man
over a year ago

shawlands

hi Bill, any hints or tips of websites you use

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By *areToBe43Man
over a year ago

Surrey

Same situation with me, Bill. The scenario with my wife goes something like this: no, I won’t sleep with you; but, no, you absolutely can’t sleep with anyone else. Same as you: I love her to bits but part of me does wonder whether it’s a power thing and that she gets off on the control.

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By *osie xWoman
over a year ago

wolverhampton


"OP I would probably avoid an affair as there is the risk you or the lady becomes emotionally attached. When feelings develop someone is bound to get hurt, be it you, your wife or the other woman.

There is far less risk of damaging your relationship by meeting different people instead of having a FWB. Maybe another little chat about it would help. Ask her how she would feel about you being on fab and just meeting people for sex rather than having an affair.

I would also suggest putting something about it on your profile. Something like "I'm married but on here with my partner's knowledge and consent" would do the trick. Lots of people won't meet cheaters but if you are here with her blessing you are not cheating behind her back - it does make a difference. "

I think that's a good point about the profile.

A lot avoid marrieds (myself included) because we don't want the drama if caught, at least that may open up your attractiveness to potentials

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By *ill1411Man
over a year ago

Durham


"hi Bill, any hints or tips of websites you use"
most of them are rip offs, I only use fab now.sorry mate.

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