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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm so horny!"
Are you? That's nice.
"I'm so fuckin' horny!"
OK, we get it.
"I'm so so horni and WET!"
Right, that's enough. Here, calm down and contemplate your thought. No good? Well, look ... have a lie down. I'll just sit over ...
"NO! That's Peter The Pixie's chair! He won't like it, you know."
Eh?
"That's Peter's chair! Can't you see him? He's over there by the rainbow curtains!"
OK, so ...
"Hey, no, you stay there!"
Right, I was just going to ...
"STOP IT! I'M HORNY!"
Yes, but ...
"STOP IT"
OK, hang on ...
"Wait. I didn't mean it. Loosen the straps and I'll go to sleep, I promise. Ahhh ... oh, I'm sorry ... I've done toilet."
"ANYONE KNOW A GOOD PLUMBER? NO HOT WATER LOL!"
I see. Tell me, are you familiar with the Yellow Pages? Hard to miss really. It's yellow and, erm, has pages. What's that? Oh, it's been used to line the cat's litter tray? Bummer.
"At the weekends I like to masturbate in a hot bath."
Do you? Do you really? Sweet. I like to change my name to Graham, wear a urine-stained brown mackintosh, and hang around bus depots eating woodchip sandwiches.
"Guys! If you want to woo us ladies, heres what you have to do ... "
Thanks, but if I want your advice, I'll give you the special signal. Which is me being sectioned under the Mental Health Act.
"Who wants to fuck my hairy fanny?"
Be still my beating heart. Did that thought just cross your mind? My, that must have been a long and lonely journey.
"WOW! All these messages are making me hot! What's happening lol?"
I believe it's called the menopause, dear.
"What's with you guys and the dick pics?!"
Ah yes, the daily, almost hourly, 'cock shot' dilemma. They're not the most savoury of anatomical features, I grant you. A worrying percentage of men on here seem to believe a fleeting glimpse of their wrinkled crown jewels is enough to immediately loosen the tightest of knicker elastic, and have you ladies salivating with lustful intention. However, not every male feels the need to bare the Pirate of Men's Pants, and your concern has been noted. Now drop it.
Equally, it may surprise you to learn there are certain female members doing the exact same thing with their 'trunk junk', in all manner of shapes, sizes and capacity. Some are more appealing than others. Most men on the site are far more discerning than you realise and personally, I prefer pictures where a woman is somewhat seductively and teasingly dressed. But, you know, you can't have everything. Where would you put it?
"Sooooooooooooooooooo many messages! Bear with me guyz!"
Yes, because the fucking world revolves around you, doesn't it? We wait with baited breath for your next syllable. PLEASE SHIT ON US! PLEASE TAKE OUR CREDIT CARDS! PLEEEASE GO AWAY!"
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