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Is my bisexual friend actually gay?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Just wondering if anyone has met anyone similar.

My friend is 25 I've known her for about 2 years now, but we live 120 miles apart so only really see each other occasionally in each others cities. (her notts me oxford)

She's recently been a lot more open about being bisexual (she came out as bi in 2012) and talks about women she likes and stuff quite happily in our company.

Last weekend she visited me, and we went out with a load of my friends to a club. In there she met a girl, they hooked up and had sex the same night. She seemed so much more happier that night than I'd ever seen her before, it seems to me she's a lot more at ease when she's with another woman.

I know it doesn't matter whether she's straight/bi/gay and I will always be her friend whatever, but I get the slight impression that she's not being true to herself.

My other friend that visited with me from her town said some of her family aren't very comfortable with her being bi and keep saying its a phase, and no way would she have got with another girl in their home town for fear of other people she knows seeing or the reaction from onlookers.

When I've visited her, none of the 'I like xxx' or any bi/gay chat goes on in front of her friends and she's already said to not mention anything about what happened last weekend on Facebook.

I know I've probably rambled on about something a bit silly...just left me a bit confused..I've not asked her if she's actually gay and not bi yet..... she may not even realise it herself yet??

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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

[Removed by poster at 18/02/14 21:29:26]

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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

Only she knows... And maybe she's on a journey and not reached the destination so doesn't actually know.

Maybe she had that " holiday feeling" I do loads more away from my gossiping neighbours and family than I would like on Facebook too.

She maybe just had a great night out and is enjoying herself.

Good for you accepting her whichever, maybe it's not at all important if she is gay or bi... Just that she's finding her path and her fulfilment and hsppiness.

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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

[Removed by poster at 18/02/14 21:29:31]

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thanks for the reply Glitterbabe.

I think you could be right, maybe she doesn't know herself and only time will tell, to be honest I don't know exactly how experienced she is with other women...although I'm led to believe it's only ever been one offs (like last weekend).

She's off travelling the world in a couple of months for two years...maybe that will see some of her path be a little more clear without judgemental family or friends there to knock her down.

I think she was more happy to have that holiday feeling as we are not against it unlike some of her friends and family back home.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It isn't always easy finding the road that you must travel, or being prepared to even start the journey.

There's a very valid saying within the gay community - "before you can come out to others, you must first come out to yourself" - and that can be the really big scary bit, because it means that you life must change.

For some, it can come as a flash of revelation = for others it's a slow, long process of evolution - we each have our own path to follow.

When looking from the outside, many people confuse physical sexuality with emotional / romantic orientation - they are not necessarily the same. Many people on Fab use the term "Bi" to mean that someone will play with both sexes. But that's not the same as being able to fall in love - to want to spend your whole life with someone of the same gender.... (as I do !)

Just support your friend - listen (and hear!) - and let her find her own way through....

And wish her good luck!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Possibly and some women whilst seeing themselves as bi err more towards women than men as there does seem to be a bit of a sliding scale where bisexuality is concerned. Or she could be lesbian but not decided she is comfortable accepting it

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

She's a strong girl, and I'm sure that her time away from the UK will prove valuable for her.

I will always support her in whatever decision she makes.

I think it was quite tough for her to come out as bi (was before I knew her), and some of her friends haven't take it seriously which is a shame.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

One of my male friends describes himself as 20% bi, and I think this friend could be the same but just at the opposite end of the scale.

I've not seen her show much interest in men if any at all!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sexuality is not all black and white. Your friend is bi/gay/whatever. The most important part of that last sentence was 'your friend'. Maybe she appears more open around you because she trusts you and can express herself, and her sexuality more freely.

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