FabSwingers.com forum: Dating for a swinger?

By *etwifeandhim69Couple
over a year ago

Darlington

Make a choice, pick a lane and stick to it.

If swinging is that important to you then you tell the person on the first date. They have every right to know what you expect from them down the line. It would be quite wrong to start a relationship with someone then drop that on them down the line.

Youre just going to have to bite the bullet and either tell them what you've been enjoying and you want it to be part of your life going forward.

If on the flip side the dating and finding someone special is more important then by all means, focus on that. You can still broach the subject at a later time as long as you're willing to accept that you may never swing again or that they may react negatively and end things.

Eitherway, the sooner you rip the band aid off, the better. Honesty and openness is absoultely the best policy in relationships and swinging in our experiance.

By *rontier PsychiatristMan
over a year ago

Coventry

It's always a chicken and egg thing when to bring up alternative relationships formats, non monogamy and fetish. Its a bind I understand well having been on the dating scene but into swinging and BDSM. Now brining up sex early on in a date situation has to be handled with care. Especially because women are extra cautious of creeps and men just after a leg over disguised as genuine dating on the internet. Although being Frank and bringing it up a valid practical consideration can very easily come across as being sleazy. As above I would say its a discussion that needs to come up early. After all most people don't want to swing and you don't want to waste each others time. However you need to read how things are developing. I wouldn't tell them per se on the first date if that first date is pretty cool. It's a bit random and sleazy to bring up the topic of sex if the mood and conversation hasn't flowed that way. Likewise if things are starting to get heated it's best to have that talk before things get more serious.

When you do want to bring it up you could maybe ask what their thoughts are on monogamy, 3somes, moresomes etc. They may have negative views and you'll know they are not for you. However times are changing and you find more women are open to these things or have experience in these things. If so that's a starting point. Once you've got this conversion going it's your time to be Frank and express what you want from a potential relationship. In my experience once you have a rapport and they can tell your an open honest person women aren't offended or think your a sleaze for bring up that conversation. I've had thats simply not for me and thus we were simply uncompateble. I've had not my thing but I'm interested in you and accept that's your thing. And I've had women who where open or into it and have experience (but don't advertise this on their profile because that would be a creep magnet). So you may be surprised how open some women are as long as they know your a guy with genuine intent.

But I would say for the most possibilities where you look to date is important. For example I used to like the format of OK Cupid. It matched with people with similar attitudes including compatible sexual desires and relationship formats based on a starting questionnaire. It would ask about attitudes toward non monogamy, fetish, open relationships, group sex, etc. And match you to others with the same desires and attitudes. I was surprised how many matched. The other place would be here. Loads of people on here have met their partner on here and continue to swing together now. Me included. So absolutely no harm in expressing that you wish to date. Dating someone on fab is great. From the start you remove the elephant in the room you both have about swinging. And you can get on with dating and getting to know each knowing that down the line if it gets serious you'll probably both want to continue swinging. I would say Fab is probably your best bet.

Good luck to you.