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SHOULD I GIVE MY GRANDMOTHER IN LAW ANEL?

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By *unky monkey OP   Man
over a year ago

in the night garden

Recently at my Grandfather in law's funeral, whilst I barely know her, I couldn't help but think my sad old confused Grandmother in law would have been cheered up by me plundering her aging colon, and also the possibility that if she took her teeth out I would get a gummy BJ.

What do you all think?

-------------------------------------

P.S. Read funeral invitations very carefully! Whilst the word SOMBRERO is only two letters away from SOMBRE it is a world away in tone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

mm. Wrinkly anel.

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham

Dear Mr F.Monkey

As you can read in my book, Funeral Etiqutte and common misread words ($29.99 from all good retailers) There are a number of things to consider when approaching the delicate subject of anal sex with an elderly relative.

First one must consider care workers,their break times and whether there duty of care covers these contingencies. Then of course there is the fact that at a funeral othrs may be considering different priorities, your time indulging in what granddaddy used to call the sweet poop chute of love may mean you miss out on the pearl earrings and rather nice diamond broach which you know the dear departed always intended for you, whatever your thieving sibling might say.

I think you would eb best advised to wait until your Grandmother in law returns to her care home, then you will have the advantage of an orthopedic bed that moves into various useful positions.

As my Grandmama used to say, its easier to hogtie the old sow after you feed her the apple brandy.

Yours Ann.

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By *unky monkey OP   Man
over a year ago

in the night garden


"Dear Mr F.Monkey

As you can read in my book, Funeral Etiqutte and common misread words ($29.99 from all good retailers) There are a number of things to consider when approaching the delicate subject of anal sex with an elderly relative.

First one must consider care workers,their break times and whether there duty of care covers these contingencies. Then of course there is the fact that at a funeral othrs may be considering different priorities, your time indulging in what granddaddy used to call the sweet poop chute of love may mean you miss out on the pearl earrings and rather nice diamond broach which you know the dear departed always intended for you, whatever your thieving sibling might say.

I think you would eb best advised to wait until your Grandmother in law returns to her care home, then you will have the advantage of an orthopedic bed that moves into various useful positions.

As my Grandmama used to say, its easier to hogtie the old sow after you feed her the apple brandy.

Yours Ann."

*faps furiously*

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Anal can hurt maybe she could not take the pain ,

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By *aceytopWoman
over a year ago

from a town near you

cheers guys,my pc is ruined,splutters all over it lol

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham


"Dear Mr F.Monkey

As you can read in my book, Funeral Etiqutte and common misread words ($29.99 from all good retailers) There are a number of things to consider when approaching the delicate subject of anal sex with an elderly relative.

First one must consider care workers,their break times and whether there duty of care covers these contingencies. Then of course there is the fact that at a funeral othrs may be considering different priorities, your time indulging in what granddaddy used to call the sweet poop chute of love may mean you miss out on the pearl earrings and rather nice diamond broach which you know the dear departed always intended for you, whatever your thieving sibling might say.

I think you would eb best advised to wait until your Grandmother in law returns to her care home, then you will have the advantage of an orthopedic bed that moves into various useful positions.

As my Grandmama used to say, its easier to hogtie the old sow after you feed her the apple brandy.

Yours Ann.

*faps furiously*"

Dr Mr F Monkey.

If fapping makes you furious may i recommend my book, how to be successful, influence people and fab like a winner. ($39.99 from all good retailers)

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By *unky monkey OP   Man
over a year ago

in the night garden


"Dear Mr F.Monkey

As you can read in my book, Funeral Etiqutte and common misread words ($29.99 from all good retailers) There are a number of things to consider when approaching the delicate subject of anal sex with an elderly relative.

First one must consider care workers,their break times and whether there duty of care covers these contingencies. Then of course there is the fact that at a funeral othrs may be considering different priorities, your time indulging in what granddaddy used to call the sweet poop chute of love may mean you miss out on the pearl earrings and rather nice diamond broach which you know the dear departed always intended for you, whatever your thieving sibling might say.

I think you would eb best advised to wait until your Grandmother in law returns to her care home, then you will have the advantage of an orthopedic bed that moves into various useful positions.

As my Grandmama used to say, its easier to hogtie the old sow after you feed her the apple brandy.

Yours Ann.

*faps furiously*

Dr Mr F Monkey.

If fapping makes you furious may i recommend my book, how to be successful, influence people and fab like a winner. ($39.99 from all good retailers)"

Dear Miss J. Puddlefuck

Thank you for your invaluable advice in all matters of funeral etiquette, OAP anal and angry masturbation. I will endeavor to research your tomes at the very soonest juncture. May I also say that it is refreshing to see that one is not judged in these matters. In these very forums such predilections seem to encounter wrath and indignation. The like, that I consider is pompous, nay, self righteous!

What a world indeed if we could all just get along and screw old people in the derriere with impunity and free of disdain from our peers.

Yours,

Mr. F. Monkey.

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By *empting Devil.Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield

You do risk the possibility that once in you won't be able to distinguish between the two ends.

Grandpa in law may have been majorly into anal and have already wrecked it, add into the mix a werthers habit and she may suck like a turbo charged Dyson.

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By *unky monkey OP   Man
over a year ago

in the night garden


"You do risk the possibility that once in you won't be able to distinguish between the two ends.

Grandpa in law may have been majorly into anal and have already wrecked it, add into the mix a werthers habit and she may suck like a turbo charged Dyson."

*faps furiouser*

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bet she's gagging for it! I'd give her Anel.

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham


"Dear Mr F.Monkey

As you can read in my book, Funeral Etiqutte and common misread words ($29.99 from all good retailers) There are a number of things to consider when approaching the delicate subject of anal sex with an elderly relative.

First one must consider care workers,their break times and whether there duty of care covers these contingencies. Then of course there is the fact that at a funeral othrs may be considering different priorities, your time indulging in what granddaddy used to call the sweet poop chute of love may mean you miss out on the pearl earrings and rather nice diamond broach which you know the dear departed always intended for you, whatever your thieving sibling might say.

I think you would eb best advised to wait until your Grandmother in law returns to her care home, then you will have the advantage of an orthopedic bed that moves into various useful positions.

As my Grandmama used to say, its easier to hogtie the old sow after you feed her the apple brandy.

Yours Ann.

*faps furiously*

Dr Mr F Monkey.

If fapping makes you furious may i recommend my book, how to be successful, influence people and fab like a winner. ($39.99 from all good retailers)

Dear Miss J. Puddlefuck

Thank you for your invaluable advice in all matters of funeral etiquette, OAP anal and angry masturbation. I will endeavor to research your tomes at the very soonest juncture. May I also say that it is refreshing to see that one is not judged in these matters. In these very forums such predilections seem to encounter wrath and indignation. The like, that I consider is pompous, nay, self righteous!

What a world indeed if we could all just get along and screw old people in the derriere with impunity and free of disdain from our peers.

Yours,

Mr. F. Monkey."

Ms Puddlefuck is merely my assistant, I am Miss Ann landers, with 210 years of experience in solving the problems of fappers everywhere.

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By *unky monkey OP   Man
over a year ago

in the night garden


"Dear Mr F.Monkey

As you can read in my book, Funeral Etiqutte and common misread words ($29.99 from all good retailers) There are a number of things to consider when approaching the delicate subject of anal sex with an elderly relative.

First one must consider care workers,their break times and whether there duty of care covers these contingencies. Then of course there is the fact that at a funeral othrs may be considering different priorities, your time indulging in what granddaddy used to call the sweet poop chute of love may mean you miss out on the pearl earrings and rather nice diamond broach which you know the dear departed always intended for you, whatever your thieving sibling might say.

I think you would eb best advised to wait until your Grandmother in law returns to her care home, then you will have the advantage of an orthopedic bed that moves into various useful positions.

As my Grandmama used to say, its easier to hogtie the old sow after you feed her the apple brandy.

Yours Ann.

*faps furiously*

Dr Mr F Monkey.

If fapping makes you furious may i recommend my book, how to be successful, influence people and fab like a winner. ($39.99 from all good retailers)

Dear Miss J. Puddlefuck

Thank you for your invaluable advice in all matters of funeral etiquette, OAP anal and angry masturbation. I will endeavor to research your tomes at the very soonest juncture. May I also say that it is refreshing to see that one is not judged in these matters. In these very forums such predilections seem to encounter wrath and indignation. The like, that I consider is pompous, nay, self righteous!

What a world indeed if we could all just get along and screw old people in the derriere with impunity and free of disdain from our peers.

Yours,

Mr. F. Monkey.

Ms Puddlefuck is merely my assistant, I am Miss Ann landers, with 210 years of experience in solving the problems of fappers everywhere.

"

210 you say? Oh my. That would mean dear Ann you are in my prime age range. What say we become expeditious and do away with these tiresome pleasantries with a mind that you present your bottom to me forthwith?

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By *londeCazWoman
over a year ago

Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria

Dear Admin, I've just popped into this thread from the Tourettes thread via various other self-righteous, pompous, NSOH posts and i have to say I am mightily peturbed by the thought of any type of sex, "anel" or otherwise with recently bereaved granparents. Having been to the funeral of my grrandpa in law only 27 years ago this loss is still fresh in my mind and i find this post highly offensive. Therefore I ask, nay DEMAND, the immediate banning of the 2 main instigators of this derogatory thread, Mr F Monkey and Miss J Puddlefuck

Yours, Disgusted, Arse end of universe

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham


"Dear Mr F.Monkey

As you can read in my book, Funeral Etiqutte and common misread words ($29.99 from all good retailers) There are a number of things to consider when approaching the delicate subject of anal sex with an elderly relative.

First one must consider care workers,their break times and whether there duty of care covers these contingencies. Then of course there is the fact that at a funeral othrs may be considering different priorities, your time indulging in what granddaddy used to call the sweet poop chute of love may mean you miss out on the pearl earrings and rather nice diamond broach which you know the dear departed always intended for you, whatever your thieving sibling might say.

I think you would eb best advised to wait until your Grandmother in law returns to her care home, then you will have the advantage of an orthopedic bed that moves into various useful positions.

As my Grandmama used to say, its easier to hogtie the old sow after you feed her the apple brandy.

Yours Ann.

*faps furiously*

Dr Mr F Monkey.

If fapping makes you furious may i recommend my book, how to be successful, influence people and fab like a winner. ($39.99 from all good retailers)

Dear Miss J. Puddlefuck

Thank you for your invaluable advice in all matters of funeral etiquette, OAP anal and angry masturbation. I will endeavor to research your tomes at the very soonest juncture. May I also say that it is refreshing to see that one is not judged in these matters. In these very forums such predilections seem to encounter wrath and indignation. The like, that I consider is pompous, nay, self righteous!

What a world indeed if we could all just get along and screw old people in the derriere with impunity and free of disdain from our peers.

Yours,

Mr. F. Monkey.

Ms Puddlefuck is merely my assistant, I am Miss Ann landers, with 210 years of experience in solving the problems of fappers everywhere.

210 you say? Oh my. That would mean dear Ann you are in my prime age range. What say we become expeditious and do away with these tiresome pleasantries with a mind that you present your bottom to me forthwith?"

Srrah I am a lady...i do not haev a bottom, i have a derriere.

Flaps fan furiously

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham


"Dear Admin, I've just popped into this thread from the Tourettes thread via various other self-righteous, pompous, NSOH posts and i have to say I am mightily peturbed by the thought of any type of sex, "anel" or otherwise with recently bereaved granparents. Having been to the funeral of my grrandpa in law only 27 years ago this loss is still fresh in my mind and i find this post highly offensive. Therefore I ask, nay DEMAND, the immediate banning of the 2 main instigators of this derogatory thread, Mr F Monkey and Miss J Puddlefuck

Yours, Disgusted, Arse end of universe

"

Dr Ms D. Gusted.

As I have pointed out before Miss Puddlefuck is merely my assistant, typing as i have my daily colonic irrigation and vinegar enema.

If you are suffering tramua after the loss of a loved one many tears ago may i recommend my book "Suck it up buttercup" 449.99 from all good online retailers.

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By *unky monkey OP   Man
over a year ago

in the night garden


"Dear Admin, I've just popped into this thread from the Tourettes thread via various other self-righteous, pompous, NSOH posts and i have to say I am mightily peturbed by the thought of any type of sex, "anel" or otherwise with recently bereaved granparents. Having been to the funeral of my grrandpa in law only 27 years ago this loss is still fresh in my mind and i find this post highly offensive. Therefore I ask, nay DEMAND, the immediate banning of the 2 main instigators of this derogatory thread, Mr F Monkey and Miss J Puddlefuck

Yours, Disgusted, Arse end of universe

"

Dear Miss D. Gruntled,

May I start off by first wishing you condolences over your loss of some 27 years. I must at this point reveal that my reasons for contacting you aren't altogether altruistic. You make mention of your late Grandfather but I couldn't help but notice there was no talk of a Grandmother. Is she alive per chance and single? How do you perceive her derriere?

Yours sincerely,

Mr. F. Monkey

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By *londeCazWoman
over a year ago

Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria


"Dear Admin, I've just popped into this thread from the Tourettes thread via various other self-righteous, pompous, NSOH posts and i have to say I am mightily peturbed by the thought of any type of sex, "anel" or otherwise with recently bereaved granparents. Having been to the funeral of my grrandpa in law only 27 years ago this loss is still fresh in my mind and i find this post highly offensive. Therefore I ask, nay DEMAND, the immediate banning of the 2 main instigators of this derogatory thread, Mr F Monkey and Miss J Puddlefuck

Yours, Disgusted, Arse end of universe

Dr Ms D. Gusted.

As I have pointed out before Miss Puddlefuck is merely my assistant, typing as i have my daily colonic irrigation and vinegar enema.

If you are suffering tramua after the loss of a loved one many tears ago may i recommend my book "Suck it up buttercup" 449.99 from all good online retailers.

"

Dear Ms Landers

Whilst I have the utmost respect for your advice, and already have a large collection of your back catalogue (fnar, fnar), I feel that your choice of assistant is somewhat ill thought out.......I have observed Ms Puddlefuck commenting on many forum threads which I believe you, as an etiquette expert, would not wish to be associated with

Respectfully, Still struggling with revalation of being a ginge, Arse end of Universe

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By *londeCazWoman
over a year ago

Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria


"Dear Admin, I've just popped into this thread from the Tourettes thread via various other self-righteous, pompous, NSOH posts and i have to say I am mightily peturbed by the thought of any type of sex, "anel" or otherwise with recently bereaved granparents. Having been to the funeral of my grrandpa in law only 27 years ago this loss is still fresh in my mind and i find this post highly offensive. Therefore I ask, nay DEMAND, the immediate banning of the 2 main instigators of this derogatory thread, Mr F Monkey and Miss J Puddlefuck

Yours, Disgusted, Arse end of universe

Dear Miss D. Gruntled,

May I start off by first wishing you condolences over your loss of some 27 years. I must at this point reveal that my reasons for contacting you aren't altogether altruistic. You make mention of your late Grandfather but I couldn't help but notice there was no talk of a Grandmother. Is she alive per chance and single? How do you perceive her derriere?

Yours sincerely,

Mr. F. Monkey"

Dear Mr Monkey

With regards to my Grandmother in law, I am sad to say she too is also late....cause of death was due to an over-enthusiastic bukkake party where unfortunately she drowned at the grand old age of 97......I am told that, once she was hosed down, it was discovered that she had a smile on her face.....this is why threads such as yours bring it all flooding back to me

Yours, Ruefully sorrowing, Arse end of Universe

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By *unky monkey OP   Man
over a year ago

in the night garden


"Dear Admin, I've just popped into this thread from the Tourettes thread via various other self-righteous, pompous, NSOH posts and i have to say I am mightily peturbed by the thought of any type of sex, "anel" or otherwise with recently bereaved granparents. Having been to the funeral of my grrandpa in law only 27 years ago this loss is still fresh in my mind and i find this post highly offensive. Therefore I ask, nay DEMAND, the immediate banning of the 2 main instigators of this derogatory thread, Mr F Monkey and Miss J Puddlefuck

Yours, Disgusted, Arse end of universe

Dear Miss D. Gruntled,

May I start off by first wishing you condolences over your loss of some 27 years. I must at this point reveal that my reasons for contacting you aren't altogether altruistic. You make mention of your late Grandfather but I couldn't help but notice there was no talk of a Grandmother. Is she alive per chance and single? How do you perceive her derriere?

Yours sincerely,

Mr. F. Monkey

Dear Mr Monkey

With regards to my Grandmother in law, I am sad to say she too is also late....cause of death was due to an over-enthusiastic bukkake party where unfortunately she drowned at the grand old age of 97......I am told that, once she was hosed down, it was discovered that she had a smile on her face.....this is why threads such as yours bring it all flooding back to me

Yours, Ruefully sorrowing, Arse end of Universe"

*faps uncontrollably*

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can't believe this thread! I'm offended, I read it through three times and still can't stop laughing!

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham


"Dear Admin, I've just popped into this thread from the Tourettes thread via various other self-righteous, pompous, NSOH posts and i have to say I am mightily peturbed by the thought of any type of sex, "anel" or otherwise with recently bereaved granparents. Having been to the funeral of my grrandpa in law only 27 years ago this loss is still fresh in my mind and i find this post highly offensive. Therefore I ask, nay DEMAND, the immediate banning of the 2 main instigators of this derogatory thread, Mr F Monkey and Miss J Puddlefuck

Yours, Disgusted, Arse end of universe

Dr Ms D. Gusted.

As I have pointed out before Miss Puddlefuck is merely my assistant, typing as i have my daily colonic irrigation and vinegar enema.

If you are suffering tramua after the loss of a loved one many tears ago may i recommend my book "Suck it up buttercup" 449.99 from all good online retailers.

Dear Ms Landers

Whilst I have the utmost respect for your advice, and already have a large collection of your back catalogue (fnar, fnar), I feel that your choice of assistant is somewhat ill thought out.......I have observed Ms Puddlefuck commenting on many forum threads which I believe you, as an etiquette expert, would not wish to be associated with

Respectfully, Still struggling with revalation of being a ginge, Arse end of Universe

"

Dear Ms Gusted.

I am afraid i am having to disinfect myself after hearing of your affliction. However Ms. puddlefuck assures me this is a site devoted to big band music, that is why there are threads on scat.

I am sending you for free a copy of my book, shaved and proud why its better to be dead than red.

Yours from a distance Miss Landers.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is obviously a piss take as if you look through the forumns there are numerous others about other family menbers with Anel spelt the same incorrect way.

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By *londeCazWoman
over a year ago

Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria


"Dear Admin, I've just popped into this thread from the Tourettes thread via various other self-righteous, pompous, NSOH posts and i have to say I am mightily peturbed by the thought of any type of sex, "anel" or otherwise with recently bereaved granparents. Having been to the funeral of my grrandpa in law only 27 years ago this loss is still fresh in my mind and i find this post highly offensive. Therefore I ask, nay DEMAND, the immediate banning of the 2 main instigators of this derogatory thread, Mr F Monkey and Miss J Puddlefuck

Yours, Disgusted, Arse end of universe

Dear Miss D. Gruntled,

May I start off by first wishing you condolences over your loss of some 27 years. I must at this point reveal that my reasons for contacting you aren't altogether altruistic. You make mention of your late Grandfather but I couldn't help but notice there was no talk of a Grandmother. Is she alive per chance and single? How do you perceive her derriere?

Yours sincerely,

Mr. F. Monkey

Dear Mr Monkey

With regards to my Grandmother in law, I am sad to say she too is also late....cause of death was due to an over-enthusiastic bukkake party where unfortunately she drowned at the grand old age of 97......I am told that, once she was hosed down, it was discovered that she had a smile on her face.....this is why threads such as yours bring it all flooding back to me

Yours, Ruefully sorrowing, Arse end of Universe

*faps uncontrollably*"

Dear Mr Monkey

If your fapping has become uncontrollable, may I suggest a lie down in a darkened room with that deviant Ms Puddlefuck may be worthwhile

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham


"This is obviously a piss take as if you look through the forumns there are numerous others about other family menbers with Anel spelt the same incorrect way."

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham


"Dear Admin, I've just popped into this thread from the Tourettes thread via various other self-righteous, pompous, NSOH posts and i have to say I am mightily peturbed by the thought of any type of sex, "anel" or otherwise with recently bereaved granparents. Having been to the funeral of my grrandpa in law only 27 years ago this loss is still fresh in my mind and i find this post highly offensive. Therefore I ask, nay DEMAND, the immediate banning of the 2 main instigators of this derogatory thread, Mr F Monkey and Miss J Puddlefuck

Yours, Disgusted, Arse end of universe

Dear Miss D. Gruntled,

May I start off by first wishing you condolences over your loss of some 27 years. I must at this point reveal that my reasons for contacting you aren't altogether altruistic. You make mention of your late Grandfather but I couldn't help but notice there was no talk of a Grandmother. Is she alive per chance and single? How do you perceive her derriere?

Yours sincerely,

Mr. F. Monkey

Dear Mr Monkey

With regards to my Grandmother in law, I am sad to say she too is also late....cause of death was due to an over-enthusiastic bukkake party where unfortunately she drowned at the grand old age of 97......I am told that, once she was hosed down, it was discovered that she had a smile on her face.....this is why threads such as yours bring it all flooding back to me

Yours, Ruefully sorrowing, Arse end of Universe

*faps uncontrollably*

Dear Mr Monkey

If your fapping has become uncontrollable, may I suggest a lie down in a darkened room with that deviant Ms Puddlefuck may be worthwhile

"

deviants do it with the light on

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By *unky monkey OP   Man
over a year ago

in the night garden


"This is obviously a piss take as if you look through the forumns there are numerous others about other family menbers with Anel spelt the same incorrect way."

Dear Sir or Madam

Let me assure you and leave no uncertainty in your mind that my intentions are of the most devout sincerity.

Furthermore if you do not think it presumptuous of me, may I inquire of you your age and proclivity toward the act of ANEL?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This is obviously a piss take as if you look through the forumns there are numerous others about other family menbers with Anel spelt the same incorrect way.

Dear Sir or Madam

Let me assure you and leave no uncertainty in your mind that my intentions are of the most devout sincerity.

Furthermore if you do not think it presumptuous of me, may I inquire of you your age and proclivity toward the act of ANEL?"

Need I say any more point proved I think, just 2 people with too much time and an over confident take on their use of the english language, ill save my comments for people of a more mature attitude towards the forums rather than childish banter, the forums mainly are places for good discussion, unlike this particular thread.

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By *unky monkey OP   Man
over a year ago

in the night garden


"Dear Admin, I've just popped into this thread from the Tourettes thread via various other self-righteous, pompous, NSOH posts and i have to say I am mightily peturbed by the thought of any type of sex, "anel" or otherwise with recently bereaved granparents. Having been to the funeral of my grrandpa in law only 27 years ago this loss is still fresh in my mind and i find this post highly offensive. Therefore I ask, nay DEMAND, the immediate banning of the 2 main instigators of this derogatory thread, Mr F Monkey and Miss J Puddlefuck

Yours, Disgusted, Arse end of universe

Dear Miss D. Gruntled,

May I start off by first wishing you condolences over your loss of some 27 years. I must at this point reveal that my reasons for contacting you aren't altogether altruistic. You make mention of your late Grandfather but I couldn't help but notice there was no talk of a Grandmother. Is she alive per chance and single? How do you perceive her derriere?

Yours sincerely,

Mr. F. Monkey

Dear Mr Monkey

With regards to my Grandmother in law, I am sad to say she too is also late....cause of death was due to an over-enthusiastic bukkake party where unfortunately she drowned at the grand old age of 97......I am told that, once she was hosed down, it was discovered that she had a smile on her face.....this is why threads such as yours bring it all flooding back to me

Yours, Ruefully sorrowing, Arse end of Universe

*faps uncontrollably*

Dear Mr Monkey

If your fapping has become uncontrollable, may I suggest a lie down in a darkened room with that deviant Ms Puddlefuck may be worthwhile

"

Dear Miss Landers,

Or dear Ann if you would allow my familiarity. It feels like we have come to know each other intimately during our dispatches and I know I can trust your judgement in all matters ANEL.

Could you arrange for a session of horizontal deviance with Miss Puddlefuck at her earliest convenience.

Yours erectly,

Mr. F. Monkey.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This is obviously a piss take as if you look through the forumns there are numerous others about other family menbers with Anel spelt the same incorrect way.

Dear Sir or Madam

Let me assure you and leave no uncertainty in your mind that my intentions are of the most devout sincerity.

Furthermore if you do not think it presumptuous of me, may I inquire of you your age and proclivity toward the act of ANEL?Need I say any more point proved I think, just 2 people with too much time and an over confident take on their use of the english language, ill save my comments for people of a more mature attitude towards the forums rather than childish banter, the forums mainly are places for good discussion, unlike this particular thread."

case of sense of humor by pass ???

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This is obviously a piss take as if you look through the forumns there are numerous others about other family menbers with Anel spelt the same incorrect way.

Dear Sir or Madam

Let me assure you and leave no uncertainty in your mind that my intentions are of the most devout sincerity.

Furthermore if you do not think it presumptuous of me, may I inquire of you your age and proclivity toward the act of ANEL?Need I say any more point proved I think, just 2 people with too much time and an over confident take on their use of the english language, ill save my comments for people of a more mature attitude towards the forums rather than childish banter, the forums mainly are places for good discussion, unlike this particular thread.

case of sense of humor by pass ???"

Not at all we have great SOH and really enjoy a laugh but in reality its a llot of mundane drivel really isnt it not really humerous and seemed to go on as long as coronation street lol x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This is obviously a piss take as if you look through the forumns there are numerous others about other family menbers with Anel spelt the same incorrect way.

Dear Sir or Madam

Let me assure you and leave no uncertainty in your mind that my intentions are of the most devout sincerity.

Furthermore if you do not think it presumptuous of me, may I inquire of you your age and proclivity toward the act of ANEL?Need I say any more point proved I think, just 2 people with too much time and an over confident take on their use of the english language, ill save my comments for people of a more mature attitude towards the forums rather than childish banter, the forums mainly are places for good discussion, unlike this particular thread.

case of sense of humor by pass ???Not at all we have great SOH and really enjoy a laugh but in reality its a llot of mundane drivel really isnt it not really humerous and seemed to go on as long as coronation street lol x"

a little light relief on the forum is great, some threads get too serious or turn into slanging matches, this made us, and others laugh and hope it continues.

if we come across a thread we dont like (mundane drivel as you put it) we just skip over it and ignore it, try it... it works

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This is obviously a piss take as if you look through the forumns there are numerous others about other family menbers with Anel spelt the same incorrect way.

Dear Sir or Madam

Let me assure you and leave no uncertainty in your mind that my intentions are of the most devout sincerity.

Furthermore if you do not think it presumptuous of me, may I inquire of you your age and proclivity toward the act of ANEL?Need I say any more point proved I think, just 2 people with too much time and an over confident take on their use of the english language, ill save my comments for people of a more mature attitude towards the forums rather than childish banter, the forums mainly are places for good discussion, unlike this particular thread.

case of sense of humor by pass ???Not at all we have great SOH and really enjoy a laugh but in reality its a llot of mundane drivel really isnt it not really humerous and seemed to go on as long as coronation street lol x

a little light relief on the forum is great, some threads get too serious or turn into slanging matches, this made us, and others laugh and hope it continues.

if we come across a thread we dont like (mundane drivel as you put it) we just skip over it and ignore it, try it... it works"

Its also a place for everyone to place comments regarding threads, read the rules that works also

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By *inkershoes69Woman
over a year ago

maidstone


"This is obviously a piss take as if you look through the forumns there are numerous others about other family menbers with Anel spelt the same incorrect way.

Dear Sir or Madam

Let me assure you and leave no uncertainty in your mind that my intentions are of the most devout sincerity.

Furthermore if you do not think it presumptuous of me, may I inquire of you your age and proclivity toward the act of ANEL?Need I say any more point proved I think, just 2 people with too much time and an over confident take on their use of the english language, ill save my comments for people of a more mature attitude towards the forums rather than childish banter, the forums mainly are places for good discussion, unlike this particular thread.

case of sense of humor by pass ???Not at all we have great SOH and really enjoy a laugh but in reality its a llot of mundane drivel really isnt it not really humerous and seemed to go on as long as coronation street lol x"

simple dont read it then!! i think its funny

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By *unky monkey OP   Man
over a year ago

in the night garden


"This is obviously a piss take as if you look through the forumns there are numerous others about other family menbers with Anel spelt the same incorrect way.

Dear Sir or Madam

Let me assure you and leave no uncertainty in your mind that my intentions are of the most devout sincerity.

Furthermore if you do not think it presumptuous of me, may I inquire of you your age and proclivity toward the act of ANEL?Need I say any more point proved I think, just 2 people with too much time and an over confident take on their use of the english language, ill save my comments for people of a more mature attitude towards the forums rather than childish banter, the forums mainly are places for good discussion, unlike this particular thread.

case of sense of humor by pass ???Not at all we have great SOH and really enjoy a laugh but in reality its a llot of mundane drivel really isnt it not really humerous and seemed to go on as long as coronation street lol x"

Dear Sir or Madam,

Alas I am dismayed, confounded even by your cynicism in this personal matter. It is in fact within the lines of your retorts where I find the crux of my current malaise, visa vie, self righteousness. Whilst I take on board your comments and indeed welcome your description of myself as over confident I can't help wondering if these comments are born from low confidence? Or possibly your own personal dislike for ANEL or old people? As for the reference to a street, I know nothing of the street you mention and I neither see it's relevance or comedic value to warrant your 'lol'.

I look forward to hearing your answers on this subject.

Yours sincerely,

Mr. F. Monkey

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This is obviously a piss take as if you look through the forumns there are numerous others about other family menbers with Anel spelt the same incorrect way.

Dear Sir or Madam

Let me assure you and leave no uncertainty in your mind that my intentions are of the most devout sincerity.

Furthermore if you do not think it presumptuous of me, may I inquire of you your age and proclivity toward the act of ANEL?Need I say any more point proved I think, just 2 people with too much time and an over confident take on their use of the english language, ill save my comments for people of a more mature attitude towards the forums rather than childish banter, the forums mainly are places for good discussion, unlike this particular thread.

case of sense of humor by pass ???Not at all we have great SOH and really enjoy a laugh but in reality its a llot of mundane drivel really isnt it not really humerous and seemed to go on as long as coronation street lol x

Dear Sir or Madam,

Alas I am dismayed, confounded even by your cynicism in this personal matter. It is in fact within the lines of your retorts where I find the crux of my current malaise, visa vie, self righteousness. Whilst I take on board your comments and indeed welcome your description of myself as over confident I can't help wondering if these comments are born from low confidence? Or possibly your own personal dislike for ANEL or old people? As for the reference to a street, I know nothing of the street you mention and I neither see it's relevance or comedic value to warrant your 'lol'.

I look forward to hearing your answers on this subject.

Yours sincerely,

Mr. F. Monkey"

Oh Shit what the hell If you ca't beat them........Sir I refer to the comments in your last communication referring to a certain street and also asking if I dislike anel or the elderly community, the aforesaid street is mainly full of ageing citizens, some I assume may take it anally, its hard to see exactly from the camera angles used, but Im sure the way Norris walks he has something inserted on a regular basis, I myself am fast approaching the age you term as elderly and although I personally dont take it up the poop shoot I am certainly happy to place it in the female of the species rectum. And if that female is elderly and used to Anel then the entrance is an easy process although retention of the liquid deposited may be difficult to retain.

Please feel free to discuss any further with us at your leisure x

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By *unky monkey OP   Man
over a year ago

in the night garden


"This is obviously a piss take as if you look through the forumns there are numerous others about other family menbers with Anel spelt the same incorrect way.

Dear Sir or Madam

Let me assure you and leave no uncertainty in your mind that my intentions are of the most devout sincerity.

Furthermore if you do not think it presumptuous of me, may I inquire of you your age and proclivity toward the act of ANEL?Need I say any more point proved I think, just 2 people with too much time and an over confident take on their use of the english language, ill save my comments for people of a more mature attitude towards the forums rather than childish banter, the forums mainly are places for good discussion, unlike this particular thread.

case of sense of humor by pass ???Not at all we have great SOH and really enjoy a laugh but in reality its a llot of mundane drivel really isnt it not really humerous and seemed to go on as long as coronation street lol x

Dear Sir or Madam,

Alas I am dismayed, confounded even by your cynicism in this personal matter. It is in fact within the lines of your retorts where I find the crux of my current malaise, visa vie, self righteousness. Whilst I take on board your comments and indeed welcome your description of myself as over confident I can't help wondering if these comments are born from low confidence? Or possibly your own personal dislike for ANEL or old people? As for the reference to a street, I know nothing of the street you mention and I neither see it's relevance or comedic value to warrant your 'lol'.

I look forward to hearing your answers on this subject.

Yours sincerely,

Mr. F. MonkeyOh Shit what the hell If you ca't beat them........Sir I refer to the comments in your last communication referring to a certain street and also asking if I dislike anel or the elderly community, the aforesaid street is mainly full of ageing citizens, some I assume may take it anally, its hard to see exactly from the camera angles used, but Im sure the way Norris walks he has something inserted on a regular basis, I myself am fast approaching the age you term as elderly and although I personally dont take it up the poop shoot I am certainly happy to place it in the female of the species rectum. And if that female is elderly and used to Anel then the entrance is an easy process although retention of the liquid deposited may be difficult to retain.

Please feel free to discuss any further with us at your leisure x

"

*faps furiously... again*

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By *londeCazWoman
over a year ago

Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria


"This is obviously a piss take as if you look through the forumns there are numerous others about other family menbers with Anel spelt the same incorrect way.

Dear Sir or Madam

Let me assure you and leave no uncertainty in your mind that my intentions are of the most devout sincerity.

Furthermore if you do not think it presumptuous of me, may I inquire of you your age and proclivity toward the act of ANEL?Need I say any more point proved I think, just 2 people with too much time and an over confident take on their use of the english language, ill save my comments for people of a more mature attitude towards the forums rather than childish banter, the forums mainly are places for good discussion, unlike this particular thread.

case of sense of humor by pass ???Not at all we have great SOH and really enjoy a laugh but in reality its a llot of mundane drivel really isnt it not really humerous and seemed to go on as long as coronation street lol x

Dear Sir or Madam,

Alas I am dismayed, confounded even by your cynicism in this personal matter. It is in fact within the lines of your retorts where I find the crux of my current malaise, visa vie, self righteousness. Whilst I take on board your comments and indeed welcome your description of myself as over confident I can't help wondering if these comments are born from low confidence? Or possibly your own personal dislike for ANEL or old people? As for the reference to a street, I know nothing of the street you mention and I neither see it's relevance or comedic value to warrant your 'lol'.

I look forward to hearing your answers on this subject.

Yours sincerely,

Mr. F. MonkeyOh Shit what the hell If you ca't beat them........Sir I refer to the comments in your last communication referring to a certain street and also asking if I dislike anel or the elderly community, the aforesaid street is mainly full of ageing citizens, some I assume may take it anally, its hard to see exactly from the camera angles used, but Im sure the way Norris walks he has something inserted on a regular basis, I myself am fast approaching the age you term as elderly and although I personally dont take it up the poop shoot I am certainly happy to place it in the female of the species rectum. And if that female is elderly and used to Anel then the entrance is an easy process although retention of the liquid deposited may be difficult to retain.

Please feel free to discuss any further with us at your leisure x

*faps furiously... again*"

Dearie, dearie me....I pop out for a couple of hours and come back to find the thread takes a detour into seriousness but fortunately has veered back into gross silliness....Mr Monkey, I do believe your excessive fapping could cause problems in later life, when you approach an advanced age and younger monkeys are thinking about your pert, shapely bottom, you may be unable to resist them if you should so desire to keep the aforementioned botty for the purpose the Good Lord intended it

Jesus loves you (hope you never hear that in a Mexican prison cell.....)

Caz, Arse end of Universe

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By *londeCazWoman
over a year ago

Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria


"Dear Admin, I've just popped into this thread from the Tourettes thread via various other self-righteous, pompous, NSOH posts and i have to say I am mightily peturbed by the thought of any type of sex, "anel" or otherwise with recently bereaved granparents. Having been to the funeral of my grrandpa in law only 27 years ago this loss is still fresh in my mind and i find this post highly offensive. Therefore I ask, nay DEMAND, the immediate banning of the 2 main instigators of this derogatory thread, Mr F Monkey and Miss J Puddlefuck

Yours, Disgusted, Arse end of universe

Dr Ms D. Gusted.

As I have pointed out before Miss Puddlefuck is merely my assistant, typing as i have my daily colonic irrigation and vinegar enema.

If you are suffering tramua after the loss of a loved one many tears ago may i recommend my book "Suck it up buttercup" 449.99 from all good online retailers.

Dear Ms Landers

Whilst I have the utmost respect for your advice, and already have a large collection of your back catalogue (fnar, fnar), I feel that your choice of assistant is somewhat ill thought out.......I have observed Ms Puddlefuck commenting on many forum threads which I believe you, as an etiquette expert, would not wish to be associated with

Respectfully, Still struggling with revalation of being a ginge, Arse end of Universe

Dear Ms Gusted.

I am afraid i am having to disinfect myself after hearing of your affliction. However Ms. puddlefuck assures me this is a site devoted to big band music, that is why there are threads on scat.

I am sending you for free a copy of my book, shaved and proud why its better to be dead than red.

Yours from a distance Miss Landers."

DEAR MS LANDERS (SHOUTING AS YOU'RE QUITE FAR AWAY)

Many thanks for the gift of your latest tome.....I have now been in touch with the Home for the Terminally Ginger and have been told that there is a room available as Rita Fairclough has moved back to a previously mentioned street having given up on keeping the grey at bay....therefore I shall retire there, never to be heard from again

Yours

Formerly BlondeCaz NeverQuiteCarrotTopCaz

PreferredStrawberryBlondeCaz

DefNotTangoFlapsCaz

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By *unky monkey OP   Man
over a year ago

in the night garden


"This is obviously a piss take as if you look through the forumns there are numerous others about other family menbers with Anel spelt the same incorrect way.

Dear Sir or Madam

Let me assure you and leave no uncertainty in your mind that my intentions are of the most devout sincerity.

Furthermore if you do not think it presumptuous of me, may I inquire of you your age and proclivity toward the act of ANEL?Need I say any more point proved I think, just 2 people with too much time and an over confident take on their use of the english language, ill save my comments for people of a more mature attitude towards the forums rather than childish banter, the forums mainly are places for good discussion, unlike this particular thread.

case of sense of humor by pass ???Not at all we have great SOH and really enjoy a laugh but in reality its a llot of mundane drivel really isnt it not really humerous and seemed to go on as long as coronation street lol x

Dear Sir or Madam,

Alas I am dismayed, confounded even by your cynicism in this personal matter. It is in fact within the lines of your retorts where I find the crux of my current malaise, visa vie, self righteousness. Whilst I take on board your comments and indeed welcome your description of myself as over confident I can't help wondering if these comments are born from low confidence? Or possibly your own personal dislike for ANEL or old people? As for the reference to a street, I know nothing of the street you mention and I neither see it's relevance or comedic value to warrant your 'lol'.

I look forward to hearing your answers on this subject.

Yours sincerely,

Mr. F. MonkeyOh Shit what the hell If you ca't beat them........Sir I refer to the comments in your last communication referring to a certain street and also asking if I dislike anel or the elderly community, the aforesaid street is mainly full of ageing citizens, some I assume may take it anally, its hard to see exactly from the camera angles used, but Im sure the way Norris walks he has something inserted on a regular basis, I myself am fast approaching the age you term as elderly and although I personally dont take it up the poop shoot I am certainly happy to place it in the female of the species rectum. And if that female is elderly and used to Anel then the entrance is an easy process although retention of the liquid deposited may be difficult to retain.

Please feel free to discuss any further with us at your leisure x

*faps furiously... again*

Dearie, dearie me....I pop out for a couple of hours and come back to find the thread takes a detour into seriousness but fortunately has veered back into gross silliness....Mr Monkey, I do believe your excessive fapping could cause problems in later life, when you approach an advanced age and younger monkeys are thinking about your pert, shapely bottom, you may be unable to resist them if you should so desire to keep the aforementioned botty for the purpose the Good Lord intended it

Jesus loves you (hope you never hear that in a Mexican prison cell.....)

Caz, Arse end of Universe"

Pah and harrumph! You madam, are a cad!

Whilst the onset of old age may render me slightly weaker of faculty and will. I am certain that yours truly will always remain giver and not rendered taker in regards to the ANEL!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear Fab People

Have we all gone mad or just anel

while your Animadversion's may be derogatory and all pretty much Synonym it did give me guffaw

Yours

Mrs Fun

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Recently at my Grandfather in law's funeral, whilst I barely know her, I couldn't help but think my sad old confused Grandmother in law would have been cheered up by me plundering her aging colon, and also the possibility that if she took her teeth out I would get a gummy BJ.

What do you all think?

-------------------------------------

P.S. Read funeral invitations very carefully! Whilst the word SOMBRERO is only two letters away from SOMBRE it is a world away in tone. "

Your in tune with peoples feelings mate! Maybe a touch over sensitive. You know there's no avoiding your gentlemanly duty, we'd all do it

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By *londeCazWoman
over a year ago

Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria


"This is obviously a piss take as if you look through the forumns there are numerous others about other family menbers with Anel spelt the same incorrect way.

Dear Sir or Madam

Let me assure you and leave no uncertainty in your mind that my intentions are of the most devout sincerity.

Furthermore if you do not think it presumptuous of me, may I inquire of you your age and proclivity toward the act of ANEL?Need I say any more point proved I think, just 2 people with too much time and an over confident take on their use of the english language, ill save my comments for people of a more mature attitude towards the forums rather than childish banter, the forums mainly are places for good discussion, unlike this particular thread.

case of sense of humor by pass ???Not at all we have great SOH and really enjoy a laugh but in reality its a llot of mundane drivel really isnt it not really humerous and seemed to go on as long as coronation street lol x

Dear Sir or Madam,

Alas I am dismayed, confounded even by your cynicism in this personal matter. It is in fact within the lines of your retorts where I find the crux of my current malaise, visa vie, self righteousness. Whilst I take on board your comments and indeed welcome your description of myself as over confident I can't help wondering if these comments are born from low confidence? Or possibly your own personal dislike for ANEL or old people? As for the reference to a street, I know nothing of the street you mention and I neither see it's relevance or comedic value to warrant your 'lol'.

I look forward to hearing your answers on this subject.

Yours sincerely,

Mr. F. MonkeyOh Shit what the hell If you ca't beat them........Sir I refer to the comments in your last communication referring to a certain street and also asking if I dislike anel or the elderly community, the aforesaid street is mainly full of ageing citizens, some I assume may take it anally, its hard to see exactly from the camera angles used, but Im sure the way Norris walks he has something inserted on a regular basis, I myself am fast approaching the age you term as elderly and although I personally dont take it up the poop shoot I am certainly happy to place it in the female of the species rectum. And if that female is elderly and used to Anel then the entrance is an easy process although retention of the liquid deposited may be difficult to retain.

Please feel free to discuss any further with us at your leisure x

*faps furiously... again*

Dearie, dearie me....I pop out for a couple of hours and come back to find the thread takes a detour into seriousness but fortunately has veered back into gross silliness....Mr Monkey, I do believe your excessive fapping could cause problems in later life, when you approach an advanced age and younger monkeys are thinking about your pert, shapely bottom, you may be unable to resist them if you should so desire to keep the aforementioned botty for the purpose the Good Lord intended it

Jesus loves you (hope you never hear that in a Mexican prison cell.....)

Caz, Arse end of Universe

Pah and harrumph! You madam, are a cad!

Whilst the onset of old age may render me slightly weaker of faculty and will. I am certain that yours truly will always remain giver and not rendered taker in regards to the ANEL!"

Dear Mr Monkey

I can assure you I do not yet suffer from Coronary Artery Disease therefore cannot be considered a cad....a tramp or a vamp maybe....OED has this to say about a vamp so I will go with this as my preferred soubriquet

[Abbrev. of VAMPIRE n.]

A woman who intentionally attracts and exploits men; an adventuress; a Jezebel; frequently as a stock character in plays and films.

And when you're old(er), less agile and unable to escape, I may visit and have my wicked way with your peachy bum

Yours naughtily

MulticolouredCaz

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By *empting Devil.Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield

Dear Ms Landers

c/o of Ms J. Puddlef*ck

I have been perusing your back catalogue for a tome with advice for suffers of repetitive strain injury/carpel tunnel damage due to excessive fapping. Unfortunately I couldn't find anything relevant.

Can you recommend one? I am very concerned for Mr F. Monkeys fine motor control - it would be tragic if he slipped whilst giving his Grandmother-in-law anel and damaged the nations finest fluff collection (both pocket AND naval) as a result.

Concerned fluff fan

Hope

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tango flaps??? That's the funniest thing in this whole very funny post lol

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By *unky monkey OP   Man
over a year ago

in the night garden


"Dear Ms Landers

c/o of Ms J. Puddlef*ck

I have been perusing your back catalogue for a tome with advice for suffers of repetitive strain injury/carpel tunnel damage due to excessive fapping. Unfortunately I couldn't find anything relevant.

Can you recommend one? I am very concerned for Mr F. Monkeys fine motor control - it would be tragic if he slipped whilst giving his Grandmother-in-law anel and damaged the nations finest fluff collection (both pocket AND naval) as a result.

Concerned fluff fan

Hope "

Whilst I on tenterhooks, await Miss' Landers and Puddlefuck's undoubtedly learned reply let me take advantage of this intermission to assure you my good woman. My fapping hand is that of graphic novel character Hell Boy in disproportion to my other hand and is in no danger of lessening or losing it's dexterity. To that end I shall prove so by knocking one out in Canada chat room (a favoured fapping haunt for discerning gentleman) at the time of your choosing!

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham


"Dear Admin, I've just popped into this thread from the Tourettes thread via various other self-righteous, pompous, NSOH posts and i have to say I am mightily peturbed by the thought of any type of sex, "anel" or otherwise with recently bereaved granparents. Having been to the funeral of my grrandpa in law only 27 years ago this loss is still fresh in my mind and i find this post highly offensive. Therefore I ask, nay DEMAND, the immediate banning of the 2 main instigators of this derogatory thread, Mr F Monkey and Miss J Puddlefuck

Yours, Disgusted, Arse end of universe

Dear Miss D. Gruntled,

May I start off by first wishing you condolences over your loss of some 27 years. I must at this point reveal that my reasons for contacting you aren't altogether altruistic. You make mention of your late Grandfather but I couldn't help but notice there was no talk of a Grandmother. Is she alive per chance and single? How do you perceive her derriere?

Yours sincerely,

Mr. F. Monkey

Dear Mr Monkey

With regards to my Grandmother in law, I am sad to say she too is also late....cause of death was due to an over-enthusiastic bukkake party where unfortunately she drowned at the grand old age of 97......I am told that, once she was hosed down, it was discovered that she had a smile on her face.....this is why threads such as yours bring it all flooding back to me

Yours, Ruefully sorrowing, Arse end of Universe

*faps uncontrollably*

Dear Mr Monkey

If your fapping has become uncontrollable, may I suggest a lie down in a darkened room with that deviant Ms Puddlefuck may be worthwhile

Dear Miss Landers,

Or dear Ann if you would allow my familiarity. It feels like we have come to know each other intimately during our dispatches and I know I can trust your judgement in all matters ANEL.

Could you arrange for a session of horizontal deviance with Miss Puddlefuck at her earliest convenience.

Yours erectly,

Mr. F. Monkey."

Mr F.Monkey,

It has come to my attention that Ms Puddlefuck may have been less than honest about the users of this site and their love of big band music. She is currently indisposed, causing me to have to type myself which as a gentleman I am sure you will agree is a great imposition on my arthritic milk white fingers.

Strangely being hog tied (as taught to me by my late lamented Aunt lavinia) and suspended from a hook in my root cellar does not seem to have had the affect I was expecting, and we seem to have had a very unseasonable flood.

I may have to resort to harsher measures and have sent one of the help to cut a switch from the birch tree. I think she will learn her lesson.

Yours Ms Landers

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham


"Dear Ms Landers

c/o of Ms J. Puddlef*ck

I have been perusing your back catalogue for a tome with advice for suffers of repetitive strain injury/carpel tunnel damage due to excessive fapping. Unfortunately I couldn't find anything relevant.

Can you recommend one? I am very concerned for Mr F. Monkeys fine motor control - it would be tragic if he slipped whilst giving his Grandmother-in-law anel and damaged the nations finest fluff collection (both pocket AND naval) as a result.

Concerned fluff fan

Hope "

Dear MS T Flaps.

Your concern for your fellow man is admirable however it is a proven fact that the only injury a man can sustain from fapping is eye strain from trying to watch shaky cams.

My book, "common masturbatory injuries and how to avoid them " is available from all good retailers.

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham


"Dear Admin, I've just popped into this thread from the Tourettes thread via various other self-righteous, pompous, NSOH posts and i have to say I am mightily peturbed by the thought of any type of sex, "anel" or otherwise with recently bereaved granparents. Having been to the funeral of my grrandpa in law only 27 years ago this loss is still fresh in my mind and i find this post highly offensive. Therefore I ask, nay DEMAND, the immediate banning of the 2 main instigators of this derogatory thread, Mr F Monkey and Miss J Puddlefuck

Yours, Disgusted, Arse end of universe

Dr Ms D. Gusted.

As I have pointed out before Miss Puddlefuck is merely my assistant, typing as i have my daily colonic irrigation and vinegar enema.

If you are suffering tramua after the loss of a loved one many tears ago may i recommend my book "Suck it up buttercup" 449.99 from all good online retailers.

Dear Ms Landers

Whilst I have the utmost respect for your advice, and already have a large collection of your back catalogue (fnar, fnar), I feel that your choice of assistant is somewhat ill thought out.......I have observed Ms Puddlefuck commenting on many forum threads which I believe you, as an etiquette expert, would not wish to be associated with

Respectfully, Still struggling with revalation of being a ginge, Arse end of Universe

Dear Ms Gusted.

I am afraid i am having to disinfect myself after hearing of your affliction. However Ms. puddlefuck assures me this is a site devoted to big band music, that is why there are threads on scat.

I am sending you for free a copy of my book, shaved and proud why its better to be dead than red.

Yours from a distance Miss Landers.

DEAR MS LANDERS (SHOUTING AS YOU'RE QUITE FAR AWAY)

Many thanks for the gift of your latest tome.....I have now been in touch with the Home for the Terminally Ginger and have been told that there is a room available as Rita Fairclough has moved back to a previously mentioned street having given up on keeping the grey at bay....therefore I shall retire there, never to be heard from again

Yours

Formerly BlondeCaz NeverQuiteCarrotTopCaz

PreferredStrawberryBlondeCaz

DefNotTangoFlapsCaz"

Dear Ms T Flaps.

May god bless you and all who sail in you. You have made a brave and wise decision. Unlike my sibling who flaunts her gingerness and has since birth. A birth might i add that she stole from me as I was rightfully the elder twin.

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By *empting Devil.Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield


"Dear Ms Landers

c/o of Ms J. Puddlef*ck

I have been perusing your back catalogue for a tome with advice for suffers of repetitive strain injury/carpel tunnel damage due to excessive fapping. Unfortunately I couldn't find anything relevant.

Can you recommend one? I am very concerned for Mr F. Monkeys fine motor control - it would be tragic if he slipped whilst giving his Grandmother-in-law anel and damaged the nations finest fluff collection (both pocket AND naval) as a result.

Concerned fluff fan

Hope

Whilst I on tenterhooks, await Miss' Landers and Puddlefuck's undoubtedly learned reply let me take advantage of this intermission to assure you my good woman. My fapping hand is that of graphic novel character Hell Boy in disproportion to my other hand and is in no danger of lessening or losing it's dexterity. To that end I shall prove so by knocking one out in Canada chat room (a favoured fapping haunt for discerning gentleman) at the time of your choosing!"

Now? and is it anatomically shaped (just like the aforementioned red ones hand to fit in a particular hole?

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By *empting Devil.Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield


"Dear Ms Landers

c/o of Ms J. Puddlef*ck

I have been perusing your back catalogue for a tome with advice for suffers of repetitive strain injury/carpel tunnel damage due to excessive fapping. Unfortunately I couldn't find anything relevant.

Can you recommend one? I am very concerned for Mr F. Monkeys fine motor control - it would be tragic if he slipped whilst giving his Grandmother-in-law anel and damaged the nations finest fluff collection (both pocket AND naval) as a result.

Concerned fluff fan

Hope

Dear MS T Flaps.

Your concern for your fellow man is admirable however it is a proven fact that the only injury a man can sustain from fapping is eye strain from trying to watch shaky cams.

My book, "common masturbatory injuries and how to avoid them " is available from all good retailers."

Dear Ann

what is the correct etiquette on informing a correspondent that they have miss read their mail and addressed the response to a fanta fanny when it should have been directed to a seductive imp?

I have taken delivery of said book and will be observing Mr F. Monkey closely to advise him of the correct posture and techniques as recommended by you to avoid injury both to himself and to his precious collection.

Many thanks

Erinyes the Hellion

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By *unky monkey OP   Man
over a year ago

in the night garden


"Dear Ms Landers

c/o of Ms J. Puddlef*ck

I have been perusing your back catalogue for a tome with advice for suffers of repetitive strain injury/carpel tunnel damage due to excessive fapping. Unfortunately I couldn't find anything relevant.

Can you recommend one? I am very concerned for Mr F. Monkeys fine motor control - it would be tragic if he slipped whilst giving his Grandmother-in-law anel and damaged the nations finest fluff collection (both pocket AND naval) as a result.

Concerned fluff fan

Hope

Whilst I on tenterhooks, await Miss' Landers and Puddlefuck's undoubtedly learned reply let me take advantage of this intermission to assure you my good woman. My fapping hand is that of graphic novel character Hell Boy in disproportion to my other hand and is in no danger of lessening or losing it's dexterity. To that end I shall prove so by knocking one out in Canada chat room (a favoured fapping haunt for discerning gentleman) at the time of your choosing!

Now? and is it anatomically shaped (just like the aforementioned red ones hand to fit in a particular hole?"

Alas with the furious nature of my fapping I am all but spent! The evidence apparent in the sodden and mucilaginous state of my keyboard. I will endeavor to regroup and re-commence fapping promptly. In the meantime I can confirm my hand is shaped to fit FADGINERS!

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By *yson38GWoman
over a year ago

Tyne and Wear


"You do risk the possibility that once in you won't be able to distinguish between the two ends.

Grandpa in law may have been majorly into anal and have already wrecked it, add into the mix a werthers habit and she may suck like a turbo charged Dyson."

Did someone mention me? lol

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By *londeCazWoman
over a year ago

Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria

Bump

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By *lackshadow7Man
over a year ago

Toronto

This was mighty fine work!!

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By *hole Lotta RosieWoman
over a year ago

Deviant City

Enjoyed reading this thread, thanks forvthe bump

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tangoflaps

Fap fap fap

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Excellent

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh Christ! It's only 7.37am and my sides are splitting already

This Bump Challenge thing is NOT going to be good for my health

And, Funky, you wonder why I cast you as the Nazi in ted's version of 'allo 'allo.???????????

ted.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There was a line up there angry masterbation. I don't think I've ever had an angry wank lol. When I'm angry and and someone annoys me the last thing I would do is grab little bing and try and rip him off lol!!!

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By *eareenaCouple
over a year ago

Rockford


"Tango flaps??? That's the funniest thing in this whole very funny post lol"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear new Monkey F

I am now an elderly personage whose family have recent been perusing catalogues to find me a luxury twilight home for the bewildered and currently we are spending most Sundays undertaking unscheduled surprise visits to the more elite establishments contained within said brochures.

I am able to inform you that upon enquiry from the matrons of said establishments that ANEL activity is a thriving hobby already amongst us silver wickdippers!

I am advised that your grandmother in law is probably proficient already in cock up the jacksy n may well be offended that a mere stripling like your good self would offer to nudge her with your rampant todger!

Being elderly myself most of my similar aged frottage acquaintances are ALREADY very in2 ANEL altho I temper that comment by passing on to you that where ANEL is concerned most of them prefer it in a bottle with the letters CH in front of it!!

Regards, your

Uncle johnny

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Btilliant

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

funky? Did you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear Mr monkey

Further to my two above missive to you I have been asked to communicate further information for your delectation.

Upon visiting twilight homes which I am aware some bright young things refer to as 'God's waiting room ' I am asked to stress that we oldies nodding off in warm leatherette chairs around the wall are still fully compis mentis and are merely napping whilst you irritating vanilla visitors come n bore us with tales of your daughters Sharon's n Tracey's chav lifestyles! Also you may have had your olfactory senses offended by the aroma of cooking cabbage emanating from the kitchens - this is merely a ploy to mask the overpowering scent of amyl nitrite that we are all getting poppered up on during our nighttime olympic shagfests

Love to you n Mrs monkey

Uncle Johnny

Ps please don't visit this Sunday we are having a BBCathon xx

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By *unky monkey OP   Man
over a year ago

in the night garden

There are some really weird people on Fab.

I like to think I'm among that collective, nay even a leading light in it's bosom!

Alas this thread is so old that in the meantime, my dear old Grandmother in law has passed away. It was sad to see the old girl go but we all had expected it for some time. Her last few weeks on this Earth were troubled with a blight to her back passage. A blight brought on by constant ANEL prolapse which the doctors were perplexed to it's origins and cause. I speculate that we will never know who or what affected Grandmothers' back body in such a dramatic and acute way. All I will say is I had the most inappropriate boner at her funeral. I will miss her dearly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"There are some really weird people on Fab.

I like to think I'm among that collective, nay even a leading light in it's bosom!

Alas this thread is so old that in the meantime, my dear old Grandmother in law has passed away. It was sad to see the old girl go but we all had expected it for some time. Her last few weeks on this Earth were troubled with a blight to her back passage. A blight brought on by constant ANEL prolapse which the doctors were perplexed to it's origins and cause. I speculate that we will never know who or what affected Grandmothers' back body in such a dramatic and acute way. All I will say is I had the most inappropriate boner at her funeral. I will miss her dearly."

Dear Mr monkey f

Distressed as I was to read of the final departure from gate 'earth' heavenbound, may I offer a word In2 your shelllike?

Altho your grandmamma in law may no linger physically b dwelling amongst us I feel her spirit lives on! Therefore is there any possible chance she may still consent to ANEL?

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By *unky monkey OP   Man
over a year ago

in the night garden


"There are some really weird people on Fab.

I like to think I'm among that collective, nay even a leading light in it's bosom!

Alas this thread is so old that in the meantime, my dear old Grandmother in law has passed away. It was sad to see the old girl go but we all had expected it for some time. Her last few weeks on this Earth were troubled with a blight to her back passage. A blight brought on by constant ANEL prolapse which the doctors were perplexed to it's origins and cause. I speculate that we will never know who or what affected Grandmothers' back body in such a dramatic and acute way. All I will say is I had the most inappropriate boner at her funeral. I will miss her dearly.

Dear Mr monkey f

Distressed as I was to read of the final departure from gate 'earth' heavenbound, may I offer a word In2 your shelllike?

Altho your grandmamma in law may no linger physically b dwelling amongst us I feel her spirit lives on! Therefore is there any possible chance she may still consent to ANEL? "

I will not deny that when I visited her cadaver in the funeral parlour to pay my last respects that I thought there was a moment between us. The thought of one last ANEL with grandmother was a powerful temptation make no mistake. However, common decency prevented me from acting on it.

I am not a monster sir!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"There are some really weird people on Fab.

I like to think I'm among that collective, nay even a leading light in it's bosom!

Alas this thread is so old that in the meantime, my dear old Grandmother in law has passed away. It was sad to see the old girl go but we all had expected it for some time. Her last few weeks on this Earth were troubled with a blight to her back passage. A blight brought on by constant ANEL prolapse which the doctors were perplexed to it's origins and cause. I speculate that we will never know who or what affected Grandmothers' back body in such a dramatic and acute way. All I will say is I had the most inappropriate boner at her funeral. I will miss her dearly.

Dear Mr monkey f

Distressed as I was to read of the final departure from gate 'earth' heavenbound, may I offer a word In2 your shelllike?

Altho your grandmamma in law may no linger physically b dwelling amongst us I feel her spirit lives on! Therefore is there any possible chance she may still consent to ANEL?

I will not deny that when I visited her cadaver in the funeral parlour to pay my last respects that I thought there was a moment between us. The thought of one last ANEL with grandmother was a powerful temptation make no mistake. However, common decency prevented me from acting on it.

I am not a monster sir!"

Dear Mr monk

I am sure grandmamma in law - as she lay at peace in her catafalque - gave no thought as to whether you are a monster sir! More likely she mused 'I wonder if he's GOT a monster one ' !!

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By *ILLY aka SirslagWoman
over a year ago

Land of the Prince Bishops


"Recently at my Grandfather in law's funeral, whilst I barely know her, I couldn't help but think my sad old confused Grandmother in law would have been cheered up by me plundering her aging colon, and also the possibility that if she took her teeth out I would get a gummy BJ.

What do you all think?

-------------------------------------

P.S. Read funeral invitations very carefully! Whilst the word SOMBRERO is only two letters away from SOMBRE it is a world away in tone. "

i do look very sombre in a sombrero so technically i could wear one unless its coupled with nudity and maracas .......

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By *unky monkey OP   Man
over a year ago

in the night garden


"Recently at my Grandfather in law's funeral, whilst I barely know her, I couldn't help but think my sad old confused Grandmother in law would have been cheered up by me plundering her aging colon, and also the possibility that if she took her teeth out I would get a gummy BJ.

What do you all think?

-------------------------------------

P.S. Read funeral invitations very carefully! Whilst the word SOMBRERO is only two letters away from SOMBRE it is a world away in tone. i do look very sombre in a sombrero so technically i could wear one unless its coupled with nudity and maracas ......."

This is not the first time I have pictured you naked in a sombrero playing with your maracas and it wont be the last Gilly.

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By *aucy3Couple
over a year ago

glasgow


"Dear Admin, I've just popped into this thread from the Tourettes thread via various other self-righteous, pompous, NSOH posts and i have to say I am mightily peturbed by the thought of any type of sex, "anel" or otherwise with recently bereaved granparents. Having been to the funeral of my grrandpa in law only 27 years ago this loss is still fresh in my mind and i find this post highly offensive. Therefore I ask, nay DEMAND, the immediate banning of the 2 main instigators of this derogatory thread, Mr F Monkey and Miss J Puddlefuck

Yours, Disgusted, Arse end of universe

Dear Miss D. Gruntled,

May I start off by first wishing you condolences over your loss of some 27 years. I must at this point reveal that my reasons for contacting you aren't altogether altruistic. You make mention of your late Grandfather but I couldn't help but notice there was no talk of a Grandmother. Is she alive per chance and single? How do you perceive her derriere?

Yours sincerely,

Mr. F. Monkey

Dear Mr Monkey

With regards to my Grandmother in law, I am sad to say she too is also late....cause of death was due to an over-enthusiastic bukkake party where unfortunately she drowned at the grand old age of 97......I am told that, once she was hosed down, it was discovered that she had a smile on her face.....this is why threads such as yours bring it all flooding back to me

Yours, Ruefully sorrowing, Arse end of Universe"

I'm afraid whilst yous were pondering the merits,and de-merits of giving gran in law anel,and with her sudden departure, I couldn't help myself,I had to be quick, (the window of moistness is very short)

I nicked in,and stuffed one up her rear meat receiver.

you have my sincere condolences

RIP gil

Ps in my haste, I may have carried off a wee bit of her large intestine,either that or I've got the worst case of

cauliflower dick you will ever see.

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By * Jay69Man
over a year ago

Bridgwater - Somerset

ROFPMSL

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By *londeCazWoman
over a year ago

Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria


"Dear Admin, I've just popped into this thread from the Tourettes thread via various other self-righteous, pompous, NSOH posts and i have to say I am mightily peturbed by the thought of any type of sex, "anel" or otherwise with recently bereaved granparents. Having been to the funeral of my grrandpa in law only 27 years ago this loss is still fresh in my mind and i find this post highly offensive. Therefore I ask, nay DEMAND, the immediate banning of the 2 main instigators of this derogatory thread, Mr F Monkey and Miss J Puddlefuck

Yours, Disgusted, Arse end of universe

Dear Miss D. Gruntled,

May I start off by first wishing you condolences over your loss of some 27 years. I must at this point reveal that my reasons for contacting you aren't altogether altruistic. You make mention of your late Grandfather but I couldn't help but notice there was no talk of a Grandmother. Is she alive per chance and single? How do you perceive her derriere?

Yours sincerely,

Mr. F. Monkey

Dear Mr Monkey

With regards to my Grandmother in law, I am sad to say she too is also late....cause of death was due to an over-enthusiastic bukkake party where unfortunately she drowned at the grand old age of 97......I am told that, once she was hosed down, it was discovered that she had a smile on her face.....this is why threads such as yours bring it all flooding back to me

Yours, Ruefully sorrowing, Arse end of Universe

I'm afraid whilst yous were pondering the merits,and de-merits of giving gran in law anel,and with her sudden departure, I couldn't help myself,I had to be quick, (the window of moistness is very short)

I nicked in,and stuffed one up her rear meat receiver.

you have my sincere condolences

RIP gil

Ps in my haste, I may have carried off a wee bit of her large intestine,either that or I've got the worst case of

cauliflower dick you will ever see.

"

Dear Mr Sauce

At last the mystery of who it actually was plundering my poor, late Grannie-in-law's chocolate starfish that was caught on the funeral parlour CCTV...be assured that Arse End polis are at this very moment in time hot-footing it to Glasgow with an arrest warrant in your name and also a £250 cheque from "You've Been Framed XXX" now that we know who the bottom-botherer is

Finally at peace, knowing GIL is too...

Caz

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And to think that when I posted a thread saying I found that funerals give me the horn, I was accused of being a feckin' weirdo!!!!!!!!!!!!

ted.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"And to think that when I posted a thread saying I found that funerals give me the horn, I was accused of being a feckin' weirdo!!!!!!!!!!!!

ted."

Modern times superTed modern times

Ya gotta move wiv em

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"And to think that when I posted a thread saying I found that funerals give me the horn, I was accused of being a feckin' weirdo!!!!!!!!!!!!

ted.

Modern times superTed modern times

Ya gotta move wiv em "

Modern times? My thread started long after this one!!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fantastic

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"And to think that when I posted a thread saying I found that funerals give me the horn, I was accused of being a feckin' weirdo!!!!!!!!!!!!

ted.

Modern times superTed modern times

Ya gotta move wiv em "

Found mine and bump challenged it

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By *issHottieBottieWoman
over a year ago

Kent

OMG I am in tears laughing at this!!!

Best thread I've seen so far! X

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By *lassic1Man
over a year ago

bellshill

So funny....reminds me of the young undertaker who was asked to prepare a deceased lady for burial.......he says boss ...why has she got a prawn stuck in her fanny ?????......boss say dont be daft ..thats her clitoris......ohh thats ok then but it tasted like a prawn

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By *aucy3Couple
over a year ago

glasgow


"Dear Admin, I've just popped into this thread from the Tourettes thread via various other self-righteous, pompous, NSOH posts and i have to say I am mightily peturbed by the thought of any type of sex, "anel" or otherwise with recently bereaved granparents. Having been to the funeral of my grrandpa in law only 27 years ago this loss is still fresh in my mind and i find this post highly offensive. Therefore I ask, nay DEMAND, the immediate banning of the 2 main instigators of this derogatory thread, Mr F Monkey and Miss J Puddlefuck

Yours, Disgusted, Arse end of universe

Dear Miss D. Gruntled,

May I start off by first wishing you condolences over your loss of some 27 years. I must at this point reveal that my reasons for contacting you aren't altogether altruistic. You make mention of your late Grandfather but I couldn't help but notice there was no talk of a Grandmother. Is she alive per chance and single? How do you perceive her derriere?

Yours sincerely,

Mr. F. Monkey

Dear Mr Monkey

With regards to my Grandmother in law, I am sad to say she too is also late....cause of death was due to an over-enthusiastic bukkake party where unfortunately she drowned at the grand old age of 97......I am told that, once she was hosed down, it was discovered that she had a smile on her face.....this is why threads such as yours bring it all flooding back to me

Yours, Ruefully sorrowing, Arse end of Universe

I'm afraid whilst yous were pondering the merits,and de-merits of giving gran in law anel,and with her sudden departure, I couldn't help myself,I had to be quick, (the window of moistness is very short)

I nicked in,and stuffed one up her rear meat receiver.

you have my sincere condolences

RIP gil

Ps in my haste, I may have carried off a wee bit of her large intestine,either that or I've got the worst case of

cauliflower dick you will ever see.

Dear Mr Sauce

At last the mystery of who it actually was plundering my poor, late Grannie-in-law's chocolate starfish that was caught on the funeral parlour CCTV...be assured that Arse End polis are at this very moment in time hot-footing it to Glasgow with an arrest warrant in your name and also a £250 cheque from "You've Been Framed XXX" now that we know who the bottom-botherer is

Finally at peace, knowing GIL is too...

Caz"

dear _londecaz(may i call you cazza,now that we're almost family)

may i take this opportunity to thank you,for your warning of my impending visit by glasgows finest.

they have indeed called,buying the last 50 DVDs i had stored in the attic,with a further order of 50,when further stock become available.

the cheif inspector was particularly taken with you gil,saying,and i quote

"it would have been a dream come true for me,to also have met cazza's gil,so soon after her sad demise"

if i could also put your mind at rest,the nurse assures me that i was mistaken,and not even a wee bit of your gil large intestine had been carried off in my haste,

nor was it cauliflower dick.

it is indeed a fungal growth,only encounterd by people who have recently had a romantic liasion with the recently deseased,and to be honest,for this i am eternally grateful,as it's been a while since i could claim any kind of growth,in that particular area.

signed

saucy the fungi

ps,if there's ever a requirement for your gil body to be exumed,could you give us a shout,as the cheif inspectors ordered the DVD box set.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bump...!!!!

Enjoy people...

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod

over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

you are a very bad man....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes just fuck her up the shitter lol.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"you are a very bad man...."

It was Funky's fault...

Honest...

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By *ivilizedkinkCouple
over a year ago

harrow

Dear Mr F Monkey

I have read with great Ernest the sensitive way you have broached this some what delicate subject matter.it is a subject close to my heart . Let me explain , for many years now my great great aunt wilifred de lagrange,a woman of some stature may I add has been a very avid proponent of the aforesaid anel .

she was the author of the much aclaim nay ground breaking 1902 book "Anel before bedtime " and the equally aclaimed "exploring

the delights of anel" .saddly as the years have passed she has shall we say become infirm of mind though still a spritely thing for her advanced years. My question is this would you consider it taking advantage to partake in the aforesaid act of anel with her in her infirm state of mind all be it with her enthusiastic consent ?

Yours waiting with bated breath

Albert A Fudgewanger esq

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By *londeCazWoman
over a year ago

Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria

Bloody hell...I had a lot of time on me hands back then

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By *ivilizedkinkCouple
over a year ago

harrow


"Bloody hell...I had a lot of time on me hands back then "

didnt you just lol .brightened my day though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And this is the reason i keep my Granny locked in the attic for her own safety

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By *unky monkey OP   Man
over a year ago

in the night garden


"Dear Mr F Monkey

I have read with great Ernest the sensitive way you have broached this some what delicate subject matter.it is a subject close to my heart . Let me explain , for many years now my great great aunt wilifred de lagrange,a woman of some stature may I add has been a very avid proponent of the aforesaid anel .

she was the author of the much aclaim nay ground breaking 1902 book "Anel before bedtime " and the equally aclaimed "exploring

the delights of anel" .saddly as the years have passed she has shall we say become infirm of mind though still a spritely thing for her advanced years. My question is this would you consider it taking advantage to partake in the aforesaid act of anel with her in her infirm state of mind all be it with her enthusiastic consent ?

Yours waiting with bated breath

Albert A Fudgewanger esq

"

Dear Mr. Fudgewanger,

Let me start off by saying what a joy it is to hear from such an ardent admirer of the ANEL. Furthermore I am very familiar with your great Aunt's tome. Why, a hardback edition sits pride of place on my ANEL shelf and did verily and profoundly ignite my own love of the ANEL. For this reason alone it would be an offence for you to not take advantage of Aunt Wilifred's willing if a little infirm back body. To you sir I say post-haste and whilst you are 'there' please pass on my most sincere of salutations to your Great Aunt.

Yours most sincerely,

Mr. F. Monkey

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By *ivilizedkinkCouple
over a year ago

harrow


"Dear Mr F Monkey

I have read with great Ernest the sensitive way you have broached this some what delicate subject matter.it is a subject close to my heart . Let me explain , for many years now my great great aunt wilifred de lagrange,a woman of some stature may I add has been a very avid proponent of the aforesaid anel .

she was the author of the much aclaim nay ground breaking 1902 book "Anel before bedtime " and the equally aclaimed "exploring

the delights of anel" .saddly as the years have passed she has shall we say become infirm of mind though still a spritely thing for her advanced years. My question is this would you consider it taking advantage to partake in the aforesaid act of anel with her in her infirm state of mind all be it with her enthusiastic consent ?

Yours waiting with bated breath

Albert A Fudgewanger esq

Dear Mr. Fudgewanger,

Let me start off by saying what a joy it is to hear from such an ardent admirer of the ANEL. Furthermore I am very familiar with your great Aunt's tome. Why, a hardback edition sits pride of place on my ANEL shelf and did verily and profoundly ignite my own love of the ANEL. For this reason alone it would be an offence for you to not take advantage of Aunt Wilifred's willing if a little infirm back body. To you sir I say post-haste and whilst you are 'there' please pass on my most sincere of salutations to your Great Aunt.

Yours most sincerely,

Mr. F. Monkey"

Dear Mr F.Monkey

Thank you for your prompt reply ,Great aunt Wilifred was so excited when I read your reply, though it did rather upset the other members of the local derby and jones club due to the fact her hearing aid was not working to well and my having to read it at rather elevated levels of volume.

ANEL seems to be a rather taboo subject amongst the more middle classes . Anyway I digress

Great Aunt wilifred wishes to express her heart feel thanks for making an old women all be it a little infirm most happy in her twilight years.and wishes to extend and open invertation for you to join her in the partaking of the aforesaid mentioned ANEL at your earlest convenience. (I take this to mean while she is still warm ).

She also advises you to acquire post hast a fascinating and exceptionally informative addition by the eminent Dr R.sisore which goes by the title "ANEL and the rise of Man".

Your faithful and perverts friend

A.Fudgewanger.

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By *unky monkey OP   Man
over a year ago

in the night garden


"

Dear Mr F.Monkey

Thank you for your prompt reply ,Great aunt Wilifred was so excited when I read your reply, though it did rather upset the other members of the local derby and jones club due to the fact her hearing aid was not working to well and my having to read it at rather elevated levels of volume.

ANEL seems to be a rather taboo subject amongst the more middle classes . Anyway I digress

Great Aunt wilifred wishes to express her heart feel thanks for making an old women all be it a little infirm most happy in her twilight years.and wishes to extend and open invertation for you to join her in the partaking of the aforesaid mentioned ANEL at your earlest convenience. (I take this to mean while she is still warm ).

She also advises you to acquire post hast a fascinating and exceptionally informative addition by the eminent Dr R.sisore which goes by the title "ANEL and the rise of Man".

Your faithful and perverts friend

A.Fudgewanger."

To A. Fudgewanger,

It is with great delight that I read over your recent correspondence. May I say with extreme enthusiasm that I would be honoured to explore her 'Passage de ANEL' at the earliest opportunity. Indeed, I await her limp sphincter with great anticipation. To that end I am seeking visual stimulus as I type from this very site's new photos section, of which there is many a decrepit colon.

As always, most erectly,

Mr. F. Monkey.

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By *ivilizedkinkCouple
over a year ago

harrow


"

Dear Mr F.Monkey

Thank you for your prompt reply ,Great aunt Wilifred was so excited when I read your reply, though it did rather upset the other members of the local derby and jones club due to the fact her hearing aid was not working to well and my having to read it at rather elevated levels of volume.

ANEL seems to be a rather taboo subject amongst the more middle classes . Anyway I digress

Great Aunt wilifred wishes to express her heart feel thanks for making an old women all be it a little infirm most happy in her twilight years.and wishes to extend and open invertation for you to join her in the partaking of the aforesaid mentioned ANEL at your earlest convenience. (I take this to mean while she is still warm ).

She also advises you to acquire post hast a fascinating and exceptionally informative addition by the eminent Dr R.sisore which goes by the title "ANEL and the rise of Man".

Your faithful and perverts friend

A.Fudgewanger.

To A. Fudgewanger,

It is with great delight that I read over your recent correspondence. May I say with extreme enthusiasm that I would be honoured to explore her 'Passage de ANEL' at the earliest opportunity. Indeed, I await her limp sphincter with great anticipation. To that end I am seeking visual stimulus as I type from this very site's new photos section, of which there is many a decrepit colon.

As always, most erectly,

Mr. F. Monkey."

To the eloquent Mr F.Monkey

your an absolute inspiration .many thanks for the on going communications .an utter joy to read .please continue to enlighten us mere mortals with your insightful pro's .I would be delighted nay honored if in the future you would permit me to continue such correspondence on verius devious and perverse subject to hear your thoughts and musings on said topics .

your humbley

A.Fudgewanger

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By *unky monkey OP   Man
over a year ago

in the night garden


"

Dear Mr F.Monkey

Thank you for your prompt reply ,Great aunt Wilifred was so excited when I read your reply, though it did rather upset the other members of the local derby and jones club due to the fact her hearing aid was not working to well and my having to read it at rather elevated levels of volume.

ANEL seems to be a rather taboo subject amongst the more middle classes . Anyway I digress

Great Aunt wilifred wishes to express her heart feel thanks for making an old women all be it a little infirm most happy in her twilight years.and wishes to extend and open invertation for you to join her in the partaking of the aforesaid mentioned ANEL at your earlest convenience. (I take this to mean while she is still warm ).

She also advises you to acquire post hast a fascinating and exceptionally informative addition by the eminent Dr R.sisore which goes by the title "ANEL and the rise of Man".

Your faithful and perverts friend

A.Fudgewanger.

To A. Fudgewanger,

It is with great delight that I read over your recent correspondence. May I say with extreme enthusiasm that I would be honoured to explore her 'Passage de ANEL' at the earliest opportunity. Indeed, I await her limp sphincter with great anticipation. To that end I am seeking visual stimulus as I type from this very site's new photos section, of which there is many a decrepit colon.

As always, most erectly,

Mr. F. Monkey.

To the eloquent Mr F.Monkey

your an absolute inspiration .many thanks for the on going communications .an utter joy to read .please continue to enlighten us mere mortals with your insightful pro's .I would be delighted nay honored if in the future you would permit me to continue such correspondence on verius devious and perverse subject to hear your thoughts and musings on said topics .

your humbley

A.Fudgewanger "

Sir, you may depend on it.

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By *andWCouple
over a year ago

Pontypridd

Funniest thing I've read in ages! Brilliant!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Bet she's gagging for it! I'd give her Anel. "

Is anel different to anal?

Or am I just being anal?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Bet she's gagging for it! I'd give her Anel.

Is anel different to anal?

Or am I just being anal?"

I am not sure i know the answer but I can not get it quiet off the tip of my tongue

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Bet she's gagging for it! I'd give her Anel.

Is anel different to anal?

Or am I just being anal?"

You're being anul

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Bet she's gagging for it! I'd give her Anel.

Is anel different to anal?

Or am I just being anal?

You're being anul"

I fecken knew it...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Bet she's gagging for it! I'd give her Anel.

Is anel different to anal?

Or am I just being anal?

I am not sure i know the answer but I can not get it quiet off the tip of my tongue "

Need some water?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Bet she's gagging for it! I'd give her Anel.

Is anel different to anal?

Or am I just being anal?

I am not sure i know the answer but I can not get it quiet off the tip of my tongue

Need some water?"

I can quench my thirst in other ways

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By *unky monkey OP   Man
over a year ago

in the night garden


"Bet she's gagging for it! I'd give her Anel.

Is anel different to anal?

Or am I just being anal?"

You had to be there at the time. But this wasn't the first ANEL thread, put it that way. lolz

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"mm. Wrinkly anel. "

you could always iron her first

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By *unky monkey OP   Man
over a year ago

in the night garden

Dear ANEL enthusiasts,

It was brought to my attention that this thread had not had an update for an age. Very remiss of me I do declare.

Of course as one might imagine my adventures in octogenarian buggery did not cease when this thread became dormant. Nay, if anything, my ANEL odyssey continued at a pace, and to be so bold accelerated! My fledgeling interest annotated in this very body of work has grown a great degree, to the point where yours truly now stands like a colossus in the world of ancient ANEL. I have become one of the World's leading authorities in the scene and enjoy a great deal of respect from my peers.

To that end, I would like to offer my advice and council in such matters to anyone with an eye on an elderly relative's derrière.

Be reassured, this thread is a safe haven and no judgements will be made on your proclivities.

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

I hope I came first!!

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By *unky monkey OP   Man
over a year ago

in the night garden


"

I hope I came first!! "

I believe I did!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Monkey you da real MVP for bumping this bad boy back into action

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London

What is the difference between anal and anal? Have I missed something? Have to say I have not read the whole thread, apologies ....

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been here too long. I remembered this thread from the title. Lol.

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London

Anel and anal? Damn the tablet!

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh


"

I hope I came first!!

I believe I did! "

Typical man!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One of the funniest threads ive ever seen on fab!

Hilarious

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By *unky monkey OP   Man
over a year ago

in the night garden


" "

Don't fear my sweet, whilst a quick perusal of your profile reveals you may or may not be a grandparent you most certainly are too young for my tastes. However upon your 80th birthday all bets are off madam! Be prepared.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Dear Mr Monkey,

I have it on good authority that you have been using a lot of glitter to revisit your grandmother in law. How far back have you gone?

Yours in dark souled time travel,

Licketysplits

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By *unky monkey OP   Man
over a year ago

in the night garden


"How far back have you gone?"

I say dear heart! That's a tad personal to ask but since you enquire I went as far back as her lower intestine.

But your sources are correct, since dear Gran passed away the previous year I have had to resort to time travel to gain access to her nethers and doing so as you are fully aware causes an intense build up of glitter which needs constant release. Hence why you keep finding it in the souls of your sling backs.

Yours surreally,

Lord F. Monkey.

ANEL Enthusiast (Seventh Dan) and time traveller

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I recently held a seance at our home where our dearly departed grandma Nel was quite clearly heard to say "glitter" and "monkeys"

We thought they were random ramblings at the time, now the mist clears a little......................

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By *unky monkey OP   Man
over a year ago

in the night garden


"I recently held a seance at our home where our dearly departed grandma Nel was quite clearly heard to say "glitter" and "monkeys"

We thought they were random ramblings at the time, now the mist clears a little......................

"

Ahem

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Think she should give you a dictionary

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

Awww this old chestnut again .. Plenty lube lard marg or butter should do the trick

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By *unky monkey OP   Man
over a year ago

in the night garden


" Think she should give you a dictionary"

You do not partake of the ANEL?

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"Awww this old chestnut again .. Plenty lube lard marg or butter should do the trick"

Bake Off was last night.

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

Yes, definitely.

What was the question again?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I recently held a seance at our home where our dearly departed grandma Nel was quite clearly heard to say "glitter" and "monkeys"

We thought they were random ramblings at the time, now the mist clears a little......................

Ahem "

*shakes head in disgust*

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So did you give her a good rodgering or what

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By *armasingle50Man
over a year ago

Derby

Use plenty of lube!

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!


"Use plenty of lube!

"

no need, she wasn't called Mersey Tunnel for nothing.

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod

over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

Bumpety bump........

A

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By *loswingersCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester


"Bumpety bump........

A"

Why ?

Just why ......

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod

over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset


"Bumpety bump........

A

Why ?

Just why ...... "

Just sharing for the folks that may not have been around at the time.

A

*Sadly the original "Should I give my sister-in-law anel" was wiped from history by the forum gods

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By *loswingersCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester


"Bumpety bump........

A

Why ?

Just why ......

Just sharing for the folks that may not have been around at the time.

A

*Sadly the original "Should I give my sister-in-law anel" was wiped from history by the forum gods "

To be honest , it’s comedy gold

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By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London


"Bumpety bump........

A

Why ?

Just why ......

Just sharing for the folks that may not have been around at the time.

A

*Sadly the original "Should I give my sister-in-law anel" was wiped from history by the forum gods "

Can you find the shed one and my ‘what it felt like when I went too far with trimming my bush’?

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod

over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset


"Bumpety bump........

A

Why ?

Just why ......

Just sharing for the folks that may not have been around at the time.

A

*Sadly the original "Should I give my sister-in-law anel" was wiped from history by the forum gods

Can you find the shed one and my ‘what it felt like when I went too far with trimming my bush’?"

Shed link is in the bumped threads thread.

A

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Omg I'm crying here reading some of these comedy gems.

This is what is was like before suck fuck avoid #8964368 took over

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Dear ANEL enthusiasts,

It was brought to my attention that this thread had not had an update for an age. Very remiss of me I do declare.

Of course as one might imagine my adventures in octogenarian buggery did not cease when this thread became dormant. Nay, if anything, my ANEL odyssey continued at a pace, and to be so bold accelerated! My fledgeling interest annotated in this very body of work has grown a great degree, to the point where yours truly now stands like a colossus in the world of ancient ANEL. I have become one of the World's leading authorities in the scene and enjoy a great deal of respect from my peers.

To that end, I would like to offer my advice and council in such matters to anyone with an eye on an elderly relative's derrière.

Be reassured, this thread is a safe haven and no judgements will be made on your proclivities."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Omg I'm crying here reading some of these comedy gems.

This is what is was like before suck fuck avoid #8964368 took over"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Dear Admin, I've just popped into this thread from the Tourettes thread via various other self-righteous, pompous, NSOH posts and i have to say I am mightily peturbed by the thought of any type of sex, "anel" or otherwise with recently bereaved granparents. Having been to the funeral of my grrandpa in law only 27 years ago this loss is still fresh in my mind and i find this post highly offensive. Therefore I ask, nay DEMAND, the immediate banning of the 2 main instigators of this derogatory thread, Mr F Monkey and Miss J Puddlefuck

Yours, Disgusted, Arse end of universe

Dear Miss D. Gruntled,

May I start off by first wishing you condolences over your loss of some 27 years. I must at this point reveal that my reasons for contacting you aren't altogether altruistic. You make mention of your late Grandfather but I couldn't help but notice there was no talk of a Grandmother. Is she alive per chance and single? How do you perceive her derriere?

Yours sincerely,

Mr. F. Monkey

Dear Mr Monkey

With regards to my Grandmother in law, I am sad to say she too is also late....cause of death was due to an over-enthusiastic bukkake party where unfortunately she drowned at the grand old age of 97......I am told that, once she was hosed down, it was discovered that she had a smile on her face.....this is why threads such as yours bring it all flooding back to me

Yours, Ruefully sorrowing, Arse end of Universe

*faps uncontrollably*

Dear Mr Monkey

If your fapping has become uncontrollable, may I suggest a lie down in a darkened room with that deviant Ms Puddlefuck may be worthwhile

deviants do it with the light on "

Damn right we do! And with as many mirrors to watch ourselves in as possible!

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By *unky monkey OP   Man
over a year ago

in the night garden

Just bumping this. It’s important. x

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By *ob08Man
over a year ago

Macclesfield

Why not, you do you, smash that back door in.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"Just bumping this. It’s important. x"

With glitter.

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By *unky monkey OP   Man
over a year ago

in the night garden


"Just bumping this. It’s important. x

With glitter.

"

ANEL is always with glitter

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Just bumping this. It’s important. x

With glitter.

ANEL is always with glitter "

Oh wow Funky!

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By *enrietteandSamCouple
over a year ago

Staffordshire


"Just bumping this. It’s important. x

With glitter.

ANEL is always with glitter "

There has been a recent outcry for glitter around the lounge which reminded me of this thread.

ANEL glitter

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By *lim and louiseCouple
over a year ago

dromore

What about giving her a pearl necklace ,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fuck sake

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod

over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

Good bumping.....

A

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod

48 weeks ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

Bump....

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
48 weeks ago

North West


"Bump.... "

As I whizzed along, I hit this speed bump and got caught up here

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