FabSwingers.com forum: Who sets your submissive rules?

By *mileyLady OP Woman
over a year ago

Cambridge

Posting a question for the subs out there (and any Doms who are interested too). How many of you expect your Dom to set all the rules for the kinds of play you share, what your boundaries are, what your day-to-day rules/tasks are (if you're in a lifestyle situation), and how many of you have an idea of what you prefer and use that as a starting point to discuss/negotiate with your Dom? Would also be very interested to know if it tends to be different for female/male subs.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We set them together. We discussed them at length, and when I was comfortable we set them. Some we had already decided upon anyway, my not meeting other men, for example.

They work, as we’ve been together just over two years. The key is mutual respect, open discussion and caring x

Viv xx

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

In my view there are roughlytwo trains of thought that can be broadly described as the "Old School" and the "New School".

Old School thought requires the sub to obey and no questions asked. However in reality if the sub does not like it they can walk even though the dom will try and say they can't.

The New School recognises a consensual negotiated power exchange. It expects an active role of both parties in regard to the relationship and what happens within. Some people use the acronym Personal Responsibility Informed Consensual Kink. Others say the dom should not be a dick and realise they are dealing with a human being.

Personally I am a fan of the New School approach.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am in the new school theory as I like to discuss all possibleties and scenarios available

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We've discussed them together..and then sometimes theres days that the boundaries are pushed a bit more !.

Submission needs to be earned in my view, not imposed.

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By *landfordfabbersCouple
over a year ago

Blandford ish

Generally as far as I’m concerned - the hard limits and soft limits would be set by the sub in a agreed list before any play therefore the sub is setting boundaries/ limits. There are lots of lists/ tests to help with this. Then once in play the sub should obey or face punishment. A good Dom will know brattiness vs a real reluctance or something they could maybe push a little harder on .....

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By *ensualgent38Man
over a year ago

London & Edinburgh

I like to set the rules for my subs, but those rules are always tailored to the fantasies kind and boundaries of the lady or couple concerned.

In my experience the best Dom sub relationships are based around exploring and pushing those. The role I love is to be in charge of doing just that, in preparing and guiding each meet.

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

I set the parameters of how I like to play, they set the boundaries.

When there is a better understanding, there might be a consensual paradigm shift.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We discuss rules, boundaries and limits at the begining of a D/s relationship. Any Dom who doesnt do this and demands its only his law that counts needs to be left alone. Sadly they are out there x

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

As a submissive if I were in a position to be submitting to someone I would expect there to be a joint discussion about bondaries/limits/rules/safewords etc *before* any play took place, and that would include broad mutual agreement as to the nature of the dynamic etc.

If that level of discussion wasn't acceptable to any Dom/me then they wouldn't be right for me.

Only once that agreement has been reached does the paradigm shift slightly and even then an equality of both people within the dynamic would be expected, albeit from opposite sides of the same coin.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The only way I participate/was taught by experienced dominants to participate in kink, was for it to be safe, sane and consensual.

This means always discussing and agreeing hard and soft limits before engaging in any form of BDSM play, always having a safe word/use the traffic light system and don’t be afraid to use it.

Your dominant should push your limits, but you need to know each other’s boundaries and what you each enjoy to really have a pleasurable session for both parties.

My golden rule is “submissive yes, stupid no”.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"In my view there are roughlytwo trains of thought that can be broadly described as the "Old School" and the "New School".

Old School thought requires the sub to obey and no questions asked. However in reality if the sub does not like it they can walk even though the dom will try and say they can't.

Personally I am a fan of the New School approach.

Interested in how far back the " Old School " goes , De Sade ?

We discuss everything together,its a joint venture .However she sets the rules ..We love each other , shes not gonna break me . A Dominatrix with a bit of sadistic streak she may be .. but we lay in each others arms at the end of day , so i know i am safe ..

We both hope to go alot further in our journey , and im sure we will discuss more as we go ..Its submission i offer her ..

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

"In my view there are roughlytwo trains of thought that can be broadly described as the "Old School" and the "New School".

Old School thought requires the sub to obey and no questions asked. However in reality if the sub does not like it they can walk even though the dom will try and say they can't.

Personally I am a fan of the New School approach.

Interested in how far back the " Old School " goes , De Sade ?

We both hope to go alot further in our journey , and im sure we will discuss more as we go ..Its submission i offer her .. "

Hey, great post.

Wish porn would split the acronym of bdsm up.

Have stunning fun.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Am a domestic submissive. My kink side is serving the Mistress as her cleaner and dogs body. Doing taxi carrying shopping and making her life easier.

Am not a payment sub which is someone who wants to dress a a maid clean and have the Mistress following them around spanking them and name calling. And Mistress has to obey the rules of the sub because they paying for her attention .

Me am just the person that calls in cleans and if not needed goes home Mistress doesn't even have to be there just leaves me a list of things to do. But I also have the freedom to work alone and make decisions like I wasn't told to clean the fridge but am finished my normal jobs and still have the time to do extra.

Yes I get punishment and if really lucky a reward. But being called a good girl is is my normal reward.

Plus I get treated as a female am never male in the house.

And it's funny the looks I get in my male clothes getting called Stacy in shops

I am also able to sometimes just dress as I like and be a girl friend.

If everything is done and I can relax.

As am not always able to get a pain punishment.

If am at home and Mistress wants to punish me.

It's simple things like corner time in heels and writing lines as they take up my time. And makes me think about Mistress.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh I forgot my last 3 Mistress never never let me wank with out permission.

And only in my own home alone.

And only two mistress in my 35 years as a sub had sex with and a few oral or wanking me. 99% of the time I am just the unpaid cleaner.

My last two Mistress haven't even spanked me just lines etc.

Just the fact that i know that I have let her down and she refused to even talk to me is a very upsetting punishment.

And I have sucked and wanked cocks for Mistress if someone paid her for a wank etc.

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By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

*All* the rules? No.

Hell, no.

That is very far from any understanding of BDSM that I have.

In reality, in healthy BDSM, the sub has all the power. If they don't, I want no part of it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"*All* the rules? No.

Hell, no.

That is very far from any understanding of BDSM that I have.

In reality, in healthy BDSM, the sub has all the power. If they don't, I want no part of it. "

I been telling people this for years. If someone is paying for attention then the sub has to get what they want or they not pay again.

It like someone saying I want to be forced to suck cock or wear knickers. They making the rules.

Now it's when the Mistress makes someone wear knickers and they have never asked for it is a different type of play.

But the sub is still making the rules because they want to be made to do things they have never wanted to do.

They have set down talked things over and

More with male Dom's then female the Dom male is more scared of the female sub not coming back and walking away.

Most female Mistress have a easier time finding a sub but they still have to keep a sub happy because it takes time to build up trust and confidence in each other.

But the simple fact that a Dom can really hurt someone they really have to think of the submissive because 99%of the time the sub is enjoying themselves and having fun the Dom is doing all the work

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By *anillaboyMan
over a year ago

london

First in here it is dificult to find a Goddess without paying. Domination became a bussines here.

Second - my last Mistress gave me a list and i had to thick what Im into and what i want to add to her list also the safe word - i feel blue. Don,t ask me why that......

I lost my hope to find another Goddess to serve like my last Australian one.

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