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Lost for words...

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

So I usually wouldn't do this but I am feeling really deflated right now. I'm not going to name and shame anyone so hopefully this doesn't go against forum rules.

I'm used to some men on here being abusive when facing rejection (not many, most are perfect gents) and have learned to thicken my skin and simply roll my eyes and block/delete when I get things like "you're a fat c*nt anyway" or "who do you think you are, you wouldn't get a second look in the street" etc etc. I always assumed that these were standard responses which men reeled off simply because it got the job done of showing they were angry and that was that. Until today...

I received a message from someone who clearly had a template set up for sending to couples and he had seemed to have forgotten to tailor it to a single profile before sending to me. I in return told him that he might want to proofread his copy and pastes before scattergunning them around. I didn't say it in a rude or nasty way, just matter-of-fact. Nor did I reject him.

What I did not expect was for him to retaliate with words he had specifically chosen with the sole intent of making me feel as devastatingly shit about myself as possible. I would literally rather have heard "fat bitch" a hundred times over than to experience a fully grown 34 year old man try his hardest to tear a young woman down with his words:

First he sent me a picture of himself fucking a woman from behind. She had a lovely body; thin waist with a perfectly round, perky bum. He told me that was what I should aspire to. It's unclear whether he had permission from the woman to send that photo around. He then sent me the following and blocked me before I could reply:

"You must realise that you’re about 1 out of 10 and outside of a sex site you non serious guy would ever consider anything long term with you. You’re absolutely huge. Big boobs, maybe good for a one off but how could a guy live with that big old belly day to day."

I know I should take it in my stride; after all separately these are things I've more or less heard before. But strung together like that, where I could really feel the viciousness intended behind every word... Not to mention the fact that lately I have been really struggling to meet people off here because of my own insecurities around whether someone just wants me for easy sex or whether they are genuinely attracted to me. These are not insecurities I had before I joined up.

I'm not intending for this post to make people feel sorry for me or to victimise myself but to draw attention to what a toxic place this can be. I really don't want to leave because I have met some great people through here in the past and have had brilliant experiences but I'm starting to feel like lately there has been so much hatred brewing towards women who don't spread their legs at the drop of a coin on here and who use their brain to point out things they don't like... I honestly haven't experienced abuse in this way in any other sites or apps I'm on... Why is this only prevalent on fab?

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By *he Secret Tea PartyCouple
over a year ago

London

The toxicity is all his, if one should feel anything about what he has said to you it's pity for him.

Don't let one nasty person upset you

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By *he Secret Tea PartyCouple
over a year ago

London

It's KM posting btw.

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By *hom_1981Man
over a year ago

Manchester

What a UTTER wanker he is.

Totally insecure in his own self and reacting like that to gain some sort of pathetic one upmanship to make himself good for a brief moment.

Sadly FAB and similar sites are littered with low life’s like this.

I hope you are smiling and feeling better soon.

FUCK HIM!!!

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By *ersnickety PantsWoman
over a year ago

Club Meets Only

Its a shame naming & shaming isn't allowed, someone that vile is definitely one to be avoided!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh hun its a trend on these types of sites. Trust me as a young asian man if i write something in a forum it usually comes to an end as no one wants to respond to what i say. I go through so many profiles and the main thing i see on there is no asians. Like wth do they want me to do bleach my face and become white. Its a struggle. However fuck the haters. Love the people that give love and forget the rest they are not worth the time if they cant see past appearances. They are blinded by their own insecurities.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fuck him, he's obviously an ugly man inside and out (nastiness makes you ugly). You are beautiful. Don't let him knock your confidence. Carry on being you xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

May I just say....

Give yourself a mental break for a little while, and hide all your pics except avatar and block men from messaging.

You search for a bit and send your own pics to the better suited guys x

Remember, the nasty piece of crap that messaged you, never had any issues about your body size. Bless him, his Mother always gave him what he wanted, after having a tantrum when he was younger. He still has to grow out of it x

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham


"Its a shame naming & shaming isn't allowed, someone that vile is definitely one to be avoided!

"

He can be reported, though that doesn't solve the issue that these horrible people have.

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By *entralscotscpl7Couple
over a year ago

Falkirk

You cant name and shame, but you can let your freinds list know to avoid this person.

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

This is absolutely vile,

You presumably were good enough to send a message to before you pointed out his mistake.

I bet you are not the first woman he has spoken to like this

He obviously cannot take any form of criticism,even a decently worded one.

Please try not to let him make you feel so bad ,i know its easy to say.xx

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By *isaB45Woman
over a year ago

Fabville

Amber...the biggest of hugs to you. The guy is obviously a wank stain on a single sheet of Tesco Value bog roll.

You are gorgeous, and you had a lucky escape there, with him showing his true colours...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You are a very beautiful woman indeed and if I was in full working order which alas I’m not I would be honored to meet with you even just for a social!!

You have dodged a bullet here and it is his loss and it’s a real shame that you can’t name and shame as you are in the right and he is in the wrong!!!!

Chin up and best of luck going forward.

T

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By *otwifeandcuckCouple
over a year ago

Blackpool

There's a reason he's on here looking for sex.... I think you found that reason!

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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago

Hillside desolate

Nasty. I hope you reported him. I know it's easy to say but forget him, he's frustrated because he's unable to get his own way, it's a tantrum, like a toddler.

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By * Sophie xTV/TS
over a year ago

Derby

As a guy under this make up I am so sorry for what this utter piece of human waste has said to you.

He is one of my gender and I'm so often finding myself embarrassed by my own kind, yes I know first hand how some of them can be as they subject me to it as well. Thankfully not all men are like this I have to add.

I just don't understand this current trend for trying to bring another human being down no matter who they are simply based on how they look.

There is something very wrong with this behaviour and it's often spoken about as guys seeing women as something they're entitled to having at any time they want and for anything they want, it's simply wrong and although the words often hurt and stick in your mind for a long time, they're meaningless.

He has no idea about you and simply isn't qualified to speak for himself let alone any other man.

Speaking of men, I guarantee you'll find that if you looked, the queue of guys who would line up to date you, hold your hand in the street and be proud to be with you and would shout from the rooftops that they're with a beautiful amazing woman would be huge compared to the lack of anyone who would want to date him as soon as they found out what a fucktard sleazeballs he really is.

He bothered simply because he sees you as better than him and that's his issue, not yours.

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By *heIcebreakersCouple
over a year ago

Cramlington


"So I usually wouldn't do this but I am feeling really deflated right now. I'm not going to name and shame anyone so hopefully this doesn't go against forum rules.

I'm used to some men on here being abusive when facing rejection (not many, most are perfect gents) and have learned to thicken my skin and simply roll my eyes and block/delete when I get things like "you're a fat c*nt anyway" or "who do you think you are, you wouldn't get a second look in the street" etc etc. I always assumed that these were standard responses which men reeled off simply because it got the job done of showing they were angry and that was that. Until today...

I received a message from someone who clearly had a template set up for sending to couples and he had seemed to have forgotten to tailor it to a single profile before sending to me. I in return told him that he might want to proofread his copy and pastes before scattergunning them around. I didn't say it in a rude or nasty way, just matter-of-fact. Nor did I reject him.

What I did not expect was for him to retaliate with words he had specifically chosen with the sole intent of making me feel as devastatingly shit about myself as possible. I would literally rather have heard "fat bitch" a hundred times over than to experience a fully grown 34 year old man try his hardest to tear a young woman down with his words:

First he sent me a picture of himself fucking a woman from behind. She had a lovely body; thin waist with a perfectly round, perky bum. He told me that was what I should aspire to. It's unclear whether he had permission from the woman to send that photo around. He then sent me the following and blocked me before I could reply:

"You must realise that you’re about 1 out of 10 and outside of a sex site you non serious guy would ever consider anything long term with you. You’re absolutely huge. Big boobs, maybe good for a one off but how could a guy live with that big old belly day to day."

I know I should take it in my stride; after all separately these are things I've more or less heard before. But strung together like that, where I could really feel the viciousness intended behind every word... Not to mention the fact that lately I have been really struggling to meet people off here because of my own insecurities around whether someone just wants me for easy sex or whether they are genuinely attracted to me. These are not insecurities I had before I joined up.

I'm not intending for this post to make people feel sorry for me or to victimise myself but to draw attention to what a toxic place this can be. I really don't want to leave because I have met some great people through here in the past and have had brilliant experiences but I'm starting to feel like lately there has been so much hatred brewing towards women who don't spread their legs at the drop of a coin on here and who use their brain to point out things they don't like... I honestly haven't experienced abuse in this way in any other sites or apps I'm on... Why is this only prevalent on fab? "
We had a response like this recently. It was atrocious, vile and probably misogynistic. Part of me wondered if it was an attempt to use the negative to make us reconsider. If not why bother? Surely if you're the kind of lazy guy who just sends the same message to everyone, why not just move on? No-one deserves that kind of tuff - hope yo have a good weekend

Mr Icebreaker

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh my goodness!!

You should firstly report the sad individual that sent you such a horrible message.

Secondly, take a step back and think about your own mental health. Theres nothing worse than being kicked when you're already feeling low.

It's so important to look after yourself and not get even lower.

For the record, I think you look beautiful and I'd imagine the sad excuse of a human is sitting there all by himself as he hasn't got any friends. Judging by his outburst, he's probably not going to find any either.

Her x

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By *mpishMan
over a year ago

Lincoln

Toxic masculinity is poisonous, so sorry that someone has spoken to you this way and sorry anyone feels the need to tear you down.

It's men with their self hate and insecurities coming out because there is absolutely nothing wrong with you.

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By *elshkinkyMan
over a year ago

south wales

This really grips my shit and men moan on here because they don’t get responses... is there any wonder why...

Some people on here like in life need a high five on the face with a chair. Clearly he is one of them. I have suffered rejection on here as have most. I spent most of my Young adult life getting rejected in clubs... b it not once would o ever think of saying anything so vile

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By *ohnjones3210Man
over a year ago

Chester

That's not very nice.

The thing is, when someone feels rejected, it hurts. Some people get sad, some people get angry, and some people have other emotions.

Imagine this; You are on here, looking for sex. You message 20 women, and 17 are ignored, but 3 reject you head on. That's a hell of a lot of rejection for a guy to handle. Imagine the next day, the same! Imagine the next day, the same!

Imagine how you'd feel about it. Imagine how it would affect you. Imagine being in those shoes.

What happens is that men get sad, frustrated, and angry. It destroys their egos and confidence basically.

At some point, rejection can be seen as an attack, and so they fight back.

Basically, what you've received there is the brunt of mass rejection. You think it's personal, but it's actually not. The guy is wounded mentally and is taking it out on you because he's at the end of his tether, and you were most likely the last one to reject him, by the sounds of it.

Basically, you've found a guy with a damaged ego; take no notice, block, report and carry on!

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham


"You think it's personal, but it's actually not."

Very true.

Wounded egos are no excuse for aggression though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh sweetheart I’m so sorry this happened! Don’t let it get you down though. There are some really nice guys on Fab too, it’s just really a case of searching for a needle in a haystack... pm me if you need a bitch and rant about men. I’m always up for that

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By * Sophie xTV/TS
over a year ago

Derby


"Oh sweetheart I’m so sorry this happened! Don’t let it get you down though. There are some really nice guys on Fab too, it’s just really a case of searching for a needle in a haystack... pm me if you need a bitch and rant about men. I’m always up for that "

Hey I'm always up for a rant about men so if you or the OP (I'm blocked as I'm out of her age range) want a rant about men, I can give you their hidden secret side too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Oh sweetheart I’m so sorry this happened! Don’t let it get you down though. There are some really nice guys on Fab too, it’s just really a case of searching for a needle in a haystack... pm me if you need a bitch and rant about men. I’m always up for that

Hey I'm always up for a rant about men so if you or the OP (I'm blocked as I'm out of her age range) want a rant about men, I can give you their hidden secret side too "

Now that could be interesting

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By * Sophie xTV/TS
over a year ago

Derby


"Oh sweetheart I’m so sorry this happened! Don’t let it get you down though. There are some really nice guys on Fab too, it’s just really a case of searching for a needle in a haystack... pm me if you need a bitch and rant about men. I’m always up for that

Hey I'm always up for a rant about men so if you or the OP (I'm blocked as I'm out of her age range) want a rant about men, I can give you their hidden secret side too

Now that could be interesting "

It takes all of 3 minutes to explain and even then its padded out.....they're a simple bunch

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

This thread honestly wasn't me trying to get people to feel sorry for me or fishing for compliments; I just wanted to make people more aware of the effect their words have. However I have to say these replies have been so lovely to read!!! It is much easier said than done to just put stuff like this to the back of my mind and move on, especially because the things he said are things I think about all the time (I guess it just hurts more to have someone else point out things you already know deep down are true) but honestly it is so nice to see the supportive side of fab come out in full force like this, thank you so much everyone xxx

Have opened my filters if anyone wants a rant x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whenever you get a shitty response like that do two things....

Firstly, ignore his insecurities lash out by blocking him

Secondly, go read your verifications and remind yourself how much you were appreciated and spoken well of in them. People who have met you.

The man who sent you that vile message hasn't met you and knows Jack shit about you.

You sound lovely. His loss and he's shown it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"That's not very nice.

The thing is, when someone feels rejected, it hurts. Some people get sad, some people get angry, and some people have other emotions.

Imagine this; You are on here, looking for sex. You message 20 women, and 17 are ignored, but 3 reject you head on. That's a hell of a lot of rejection for a guy to handle. Imagine the next day, the same! Imagine the next day, the same!

Imagine how you'd feel about it. Imagine how it would affect you. Imagine being in those shoes.

What happens is that men get sad, frustrated, and angry. It destroys their egos and confidence basically.

At some point, rejection can be seen as an attack, and so they fight back.

Basically, what you've received there is the brunt of mass rejection. You think it's personal, but it's actually not. The guy is wounded mentally and is taking it out on you because he's at the end of his tether, and you were most likely the last one to reject him, by the sounds of it.

Basically, you've found a guy with a damaged ego; take no notice, block, report and carry on!

"

Okay so I totally get this. I myself have faced a fair share of rejection and messages being ignored on here (it's not as easy for women as men seem to think) and I can definitely feel the difference in the way I react to things now versus before I signed up. Not just because of rejection but also timewasters etc I just have a lower tolerance for bullshit and I've learned to act on red flags way sooner to stop myself being hurt. There have been times I have been hurt, however, even facing rejection and ghosting after some guys off here have actually slept with me. I do feel like at times this has driven me crazy and I've definitely said and done things I regret BUT I don't feel like that ONE message I sent deserved that kind of response at all.

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By *ounty durham bbw coupleCouple
over a year ago

darlington

We get them try to protect wife form worst of them just delete and block

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley

He's throwing his toys out of the pram because he got told no, men like that are selfish, immature and just twats. Honestly, wanking with a cheese grater sounds more attractive than meeting someone like him.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Its a shame naming & shaming isn't allowed, someone that vile is definitely one to be avoided!

"

It's hearsay

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By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

I had a similar experience today, except mine was illiterate and called me a fat uglu old kunt. Yes, with a K. Yes, uglu.

Amber, this person can't possibly criticise you because he doesnt know you. Not at all.

I know when you're feeling low (and boy this site can certainly shred your confidence at times) it's hard to see the reality of things, but he doesn't know the first thing about you.

Don't give his ill-informed misjudgement any credence or space in your head.

Report, block and delete and know that his message is in no way a reflection of you but is in fact a reflection of him.

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By *elshkinkyMan
over a year ago

south wales


"Oh sweetheart I’m so sorry this happened! Don’t let it get you down though. There are some really nice guys on Fab too, it’s just really a case of searching for a needle in a haystack... pm me if you need a bitch and rant about men. I’m always up for that

Hey I'm always up for a rant about men so if you or the OP (I'm blocked as I'm out of her age range) want a rant about men, I can give you their hidden secret side too

Now that could be interesting

It takes all of 3 minutes to explain and even then its padded out.....they're a simple bunch "

Isn’t there a code we all sign into to keep secrets

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP, I had someone comparing my body to a whale yesterday..

Unfortunately there's not much more we can do apart from block and report.

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By *orthern StarsCouple
over a year ago

Durham

[Removed by poster at 09/02/20 18:00:33]

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By *orthern StarsCouple
over a year ago

Durham

Don't let them get to you. They are obviously jealous and insecure.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Big hugs OP... Its one of the many reasons i don't enter into many conversations or even consider opening messages

Really sorry you had to experience this and easier said than done, but don't give them that power.. They don't know you, fuck 'em.

Block, delete, move on

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By * Sophie xTV/TS
over a year ago

Derby


"Oh sweetheart I’m so sorry this happened! Don’t let it get you down though. There are some really nice guys on Fab too, it’s just really a case of searching for a needle in a haystack... pm me if you need a bitch and rant about men. I’m always up for that

Hey I'm always up for a rant about men so if you or the OP (I'm blocked as I'm out of her age range) want a rant about men, I can give you their hidden secret side too

Now that could be interesting

It takes all of 3 minutes to explain and even then its padded out.....they're a simple bunch

Isn’t there a code we all sign into to keep secrets "

That code is in my head and all sense of men sticking together went out of my head with the very first dick pic a straight guy sent me so call me the whistleblower

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By *ohohoWoman
over a year ago

Up North

My lovely. He messaged you in the first place so he must have had some sort of attraction to you. I think you had a lucky escape. Imagine what he would be like in person.

I have a wobbly belly and my partner loves it. Because he loves me no matter what size I am. Plenty of people feel the same way. I love him and all his wobbly bits as well. To me I see a handsome man. Others would just see size.

Get yourself to a BBW event and just see how attractive people find you.

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By *apascouseMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

I feel sorry for all the women who put up with this, but I find It hilarious in a sense, that they only say things like that after rejection, so would the same problems he brought up be a problem if he was getting his dick wet, just jealous scum

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By *ohohoWoman
over a year ago

Up North


"That's not very nice.

The thing is, when someone feels rejected, it hurts. Some people get sad, some people get angry, and some people have other emotions.

Imagine this; You are on here, looking for sex. You message 20 women, and 17 are ignored, but 3 reject you head on. That's a hell of a lot of rejection for a guy to handle. Imagine the next day, the same! Imagine the next day, the same!

Imagine how you'd feel about it. Imagine how it would affect you. Imagine being in those shoes.

What happens is that men get sad, frustrated, and angry. It destroys their egos and confidence basically.

At some point, rejection can be seen as an attack, and so they fight back.

Basically, what you've received there is the brunt of mass rejection. You think it's personal, but it's actually not. The guy is wounded mentally and is taking it out on you because he's at the end of his tether, and you were most likely the last one to reject him, by the sounds of it.

Basically, you've found a guy with a damaged ego; take no notice, block, report and carry on!

"

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By *estthewateragainCouple
over a year ago

Chester Area


"Oh hun its a trend on these types of sites. Trust me as a young asian man if i write something in a forum it usually comes to an end as no one wants to respond to what i say. I go through so many profiles and the main thing i see on there is no asians. Like wth do they want me to do bleach my face and become white. Its a struggle. However fuck the haters. Love the people that give love and forget the rest they are not worth the time if they cant see past appearances. They are blinded by their own insecurities. "
well said

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By *ooskiMan
over a year ago

south coast

The pictures were probably borrowed and clearly on day release from his own fantasy land.....

Not even worth 1 second of your time......your you and thats brilliant.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hey.

I’ve been insulted before and bullied and I know what it’s like to feel hurt but past is the past. You just have to try and move on and know that them lashing out, is their fault, not yours. He has his issues and took it out on you.

He’s an asshoel for doing that and shouldn’t have done it. If it’s any consolation, I think you’re an attractive good looking woman

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So I usually wouldn't do this but I am feeling really deflated right now. I'm not going to name and shame anyone so hopefully this doesn't go against forum rules.

I'm used to some men on here being abusive when facing rejection (not many, most are perfect gents) and have learned to thicken my skin and simply roll my eyes and block/delete when I get things like "you're a fat c*nt anyway" or "who do you think you are, you wouldn't get a second look in the street" etc etc. I always assumed that these were standard responses which men reeled off simply because it got the job done of showing they were angry and that was that. Until today...

I received a message from someone who clearly had a template set up for sending to couples and he had seemed to have forgotten to tailor it to a single profile before sending to me. I in return told him that he might want to proofread his copy and pastes before scattergunning them around. I didn't say it in a rude or nasty way, just matter-of-fact. Nor did I reject him.

What I did not expect was for him to retaliate with words he had specifically chosen with the sole intent of making me feel as devastatingly shit about myself as possible. I would literally rather have heard "fat bitch" a hundred times over than to experience a fully grown 34 year old man try his hardest to tear a young woman down with his words:

First he sent me a picture of himself fucking a woman from behind. She had a lovely body; thin waist with a perfectly round, perky bum. He told me that was what I should aspire to. It's unclear whether he had permission from the woman to send that photo around. He then sent me the following and blocked me before I could reply:

"You must realise that you’re about 1 out of 10 and outside of a sex site you non serious guy would ever consider anything long term with you. You’re absolutely huge. Big boobs, maybe good for a one off but how could a guy live with that big old belly day to day."

I know I should take it in my stride; after all separately these are things I've more or less heard before. But strung together like that, where I could really feel the viciousness intended behind every word... Not to mention the fact that lately I have been really struggling to meet people off here because of my own insecurities around whether someone just wants me for easy sex or whether they are genuinely attracted to me. These are not insecurities I had before I joined up.

I'm not intending for this post to make people feel sorry for me or to victimise myself but to draw attention to what a toxic place this can be. I really don't want to leave because I have met some great people through here in the past and have had brilliant experiences but I'm starting to feel like lately there has been so much hatred brewing towards women who don't spread their legs at the drop of a coin on here and who use their brain to point out things they don't like... I honestly haven't experienced abuse in this way in any other sites or apps I'm on... Why is this only prevalent on fab? "

I'm sorry you had to read that OP, he's totally wrong, you're gorgeous and he's just got his knickers in a twist because you caught him out in his copy paste messaging.

He never deserved your time or attention and he's just made himself look ridiculous. Please don't let someone like that impact how you feel about yourself.

His words were chosen to hurt you, but they aren't facts, just empty words. They don't have to have any power if you choose you replace them with new ones.

You're enough, you're worthy of love and adoration, you're perfectly and uniquely you- just as you are. Don't let him change that.

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By *irtySexyDawgMan
over a year ago

Welwyn

To OP, bless ya, that's awful and says far more about him than you.

I hope you reported him to admin...nobody needs that kinda bs?

Fwiw some 'ladies' do similar, though sure it's way rarer.

Now chin up, it's all a crazy game and you're clearly way to good for his sorry self. X

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Just want to take a moment to acknowledge all the messages of support and compliments I have been receiving both on this thread and in my inbox. You lot are truly an exceptional bunch and I can't tell you how much I appreciate both the invaluable advice I have been given and the boost of confidence!

I'm almost glad this has happened as some of the advice I've received surrounding this will surely change the way I use and view fab in future, and hopefully I will learn how to protect my feelings from idiots like that guy. Unfortunately I don't think the prevalence of abuse on here will be changing anytime soon but one step we can take towards defeating it is supporting each other like you guys have done for me today x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s not just ladies that receive such a use. I have myself in the past. It’s usually after rejection or someone that’s jealous that they have such a dull life

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh what a horrible man he is sending such a vile nasty message back to you like that!! For future referance take a copy of main profile and copy and paste a reply if its disgusting as the one sent and report it admin. They don't and won't put up with such horrible behaviour from anyone on here and have been very good to me over the years.

So sorry you had to read what he put. Some men ( a minority) don't take well to rejection. Most are polite though so don't ket one nob head spoil it for you xx

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By *inkycreamCouple
over a year ago

manchester

We’ve had it in a club we’re two guys, where two guys who to be honest you wouldn’t ever get a second look, was discussing us together those two only talk blah blah.

Was very tempted to walk in and say hope this isn’t the best the place has to offer today been better staying in bed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When you get something like that, no words can make you feel better. Just remember though, he was wanting to hurt you and so used anything and everything to do that. It doesn't mean they're true, it's just that they have hit some insecurities. He is a terrible piece of shit. You deserve better x

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

I know it's easy to say and harder to do - but ignoring and placing no value on the words of a total stranger who has no meaning to you is definitely the best way to deal with this sort of crap. The internet allows anyone to type whatever they want in an attempt to get a reaction from or to emotionally affect someone.

It only works if you let it.

Give this sort of interaction the value it deserves - fuck all - and carry on with your life as if you never opened the messages.

Good luck.

A

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So I usually wouldn't do this but I am feeling really deflated right now. I'm not going to name and shame anyone so hopefully this doesn't go against forum rules.

I'm used to some men on here being abusive when facing rejection (not many, most are perfect gents) and have learned to thicken my skin and simply roll my eyes and block/delete when I get things like "you're a fat c*nt anyway" or "who do you think you are, you wouldn't get a second look in the street" etc etc. I always assumed that these were standard responses which men reeled off simply because it got the job done of showing they were angry and that was that. Until today...

I received a message from someone who clearly had a template set up for sending to couples and he had seemed to have forgotten to tailor it to a single profile before sending to me. I in return told him that he might want to proofread his copy and pastes before scattergunning them around. I didn't say it in a rude or nasty way, just matter-of-fact. Nor did I reject him.

What I did not expect was for him to retaliate with words he had specifically chosen with the sole intent of making me feel as devastatingly shit about myself as possible. I would literally rather have heard "fat bitch" a hundred times over than to experience a fully grown 34 year old man try his hardest to tear a young woman down with his words:

First he sent me a picture of himself fucking a woman from behind. She had a lovely body; thin waist with a perfectly round, perky bum. He told me that was what I should aspire to. It's unclear whether he had permission from the woman to send that photo around. He then sent me the following and blocked me before I could reply:

"You must realise that you’re about 1 out of 10 and outside of a sex site you non serious guy would ever consider anything long term with you. You’re absolutely huge. Big boobs, maybe good for a one off but how could a guy live with that big old belly day to day."

I know I should take it in my stride; after all separately these are things I've more or less heard before. But strung together like that, where I could really feel the viciousness intended behind every word... Not to mention the fact that lately I have been really struggling to meet people off here because of my own insecurities around whether someone just wants me for easy sex or whether they are genuinely attracted to me. These are not insecurities I had before I joined up.

I'm not intending for this post to make people feel sorry for me or to victimise myself but to draw attention to what a toxic place this can be. I really don't want to leave because I have met some great people through here in the past and have had brilliant experiences but I'm starting to feel like lately there has been so much hatred brewing towards women who don't spread their legs at the drop of a coin on here and who use their brain to point out things they don't like... I honestly haven't experienced abuse in this way in any other sites or apps I'm on... Why is this only prevalent on fab? "

Short and sweet to the point

He wanted sex with you, he didn't get the response he wanted

Basically fit girl says no, tosser got upset

Sticks n stones n all that

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

As difficult as it is, don’t allow his negativity to affect you. He’s a nasty guy as he already had his cut n paste reply. Some men are not very emotionally mature or emotionally intelligent enough to deal with rejection. Forget him, he’s not worth your energy.

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

Blokes just can't handle it when you point out their mistakes!!

I had one bloke with 2 profiles message from each one after the other. Dopey c*nt had the same profile pic on both. One message was quite pleasant the other one was more aggressive with a sexual undertone. When I pointed out that having 2 profiles was a bit odd I got a shitty reply.

Don't let it get to you x

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