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"said no psych-Killer ever, honest. Two weeks ago was the latest in a long line of men who think that phrases like those in the title will convince me to forego any safety precautions that would make them traceable to a third party. I just don’t understand how any man in the 21st century can think it unreasonable for a woman to require some basic info about who they are before she rocks up to a 121 meet. Yes, I generally meet in clubs and if not always have a social, but I really believe I shouldn’t need to be having convos PERSUADING men that it’s valid to want to protect myself...or ‘all that nonsense’ as the last guy said.. How do other women manage their safety?" Youre right. You dont have to justify anything to anyone. If you want a social and theyre not willing, then they obviously have no respect for your wishes. Do whatever suits you, and no one else | |||
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"I have my man to keep me safe so I don't worry about that side of things, but I would not do this by myself. The number of men who descended on my single female profile and the shocking things they said was scarey. I don't think the site does enough to give us protection. " Interesting. I’m not sure how much they can do in reality without making themselves legally liable. But many men need to wake up to what they are requesting of women IMO. Many of the people I’ve had these convos with are about my age. I often wonder what they tell their daughters to do to protect their safety. I’m sure getting into strange men’s cars/houses to have sex without having any idea who they are or where you are going wouldn’t come into it, yet I have frequently been asked to do that. | |||
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"I have my man to keep me safe so I don't worry about that side of things, but I would not do this by myself. The number of men who descended on my single female profile and the shocking things they said was scarey. I don't think the site does enough to give us protection. Interesting. I’m not sure how much they can do in reality without making themselves legally liable. But many men need to wake up to what they are requesting of women IMO. Many of the people I’ve had these convos with are about my age. I often wonder what they tell their daughters to do to protect their safety. I’m sure getting into strange men’s cars/houses to have sex without having any idea who they are or where you are going wouldn’t come into it, yet I have frequently been asked to do that." Basically any woman who gets themselves alone in a private place with a man they don't really know is taking a risk. You can minimise that risk by having socials, requesting some form of ID etc, but the risk will always be there. The only way to eliminate the risk entirely is to never meet anyone privately. | |||
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"I have my man to keep me safe so I don't worry about that side of things, but I would not do this by myself. The number of men who descended on my single female profile and the shocking things they said was scarey. I don't think the site does enough to give us protection. " The site has no responsibility to keep you safe when you meet people. | |||
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"said no psych-Killer ever, honest. Two weeks ago was the latest in a long line of men who think that phrases like those in the title will convince me to forego any safety precautions that would make them traceable to a third party. I just don’t understand how any man in the 21st century can think it unreasonable for a woman to require some basic info about who they are before she rocks up to a 121 meet. Yes, I generally meet in clubs and if not always have a social, but I really believe I shouldn’t need to be having convos PERSUADING men that it’s valid to want to protect myself...or ‘all that nonsense’ as the last guy said.. How do other women manage their safety?" Hi there R As you know, I only meet in clubs now. Safer, and cuts out the timewasters. I go out as and when it suits ME. ![]() | |||
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"said no psych-Killer ever, honest. Two weeks ago was the latest in a long line of men who think that phrases like those in the title will convince me to forego any safety precautions that would make them traceable to a third party. I just don’t understand how any man in the 21st century can think it unreasonable for a woman to require some basic info about who they are before she rocks up to a 121 meet. Yes, I generally meet in clubs and if not always have a social, but I really believe I shouldn’t need to be having convos PERSUADING men that it’s valid to want to protect myself...or ‘all that nonsense’ as the last guy said.. How do other women manage their safety?" I only ever meet at a specific club where I know people and have been going for ages. And my husband takes me there and back to make sure I'm safe. | |||
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"Women can be axe murderers too, if I was meeting someone new I'd insist on a social first " Something like 98% of murderers are male. Hence the risk is much greater if you're meeting men. | |||
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"The problem of course is that most "single" men on here are attached in some way so don't want to leave any trail that could get back to their significant others. " exactly what I was thinking ![]() | |||
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"Women can be axe murderers too, if I was meeting someone new I'd insist on a social first " Yep but the very few women I’ve met 121 have never been awkward about safety measures, unsurprisingly. | |||
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"It’s clubs all the way for us, there is the safety, they have resources and we have kids at home, only when we have met a couple of time and feel comfortable would we consider meeting somewhere more intimate." And there’s two of you.. | |||
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"It’s clubs all the way for us, there is the safety, they have resources and we have kids at home, only when we have met a couple of time and feel comfortable would we consider meeting somewhere more intimate. And there’s two of you.." Although I reckon I could take Mrs L if it came to it.. ![]() | |||
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"Some women I’ve met like to meet at hotels for that traceability/safety aspect Others if they want me to pick them up text their mate before they get it including number plate etc Whatever makes them feel safe should be fine if you’re genuine " Exactly. Not ‘Oh no, not all this nonsense..’ as a response.. | |||
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"The problem of course is that most "single" men on here are attached in some way so don't want to leave any trail that could get back to their significant others. " Well all the more reason to insist on it! If they get caught then they would definitely deserve it! ![]() | |||
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"We get surprised by the amount of unverified folk who seem shirty when we want to see photos, know names, etc. Even as a couple we have to think of our safety. Especially as most of our meets involve around an hours travel or more. " same here verified and unverified too sadly ![]() | |||
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"We get surprised by the amount of unverified folk who seem shirty when we want to see photos, know names, etc. Even as a couple we have to think of our safety. Especially as most of our meets involve around an hours travel or more. " Same here..just because we're a couple doesn't mean we should take our safety any less seriously! | |||
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"said no psych-Killer ever, honest. Two weeks ago was the latest in a long line of men who think that phrases like those in the title will convince me to forego any safety precautions that would make them traceable to a third party. I just don’t understand how any man in the 21st century can think it unreasonable for a woman to require some basic info about who they are before she rocks up to a 121 meet. Yes, I generally meet in clubs and if not always have a social, but I really believe I shouldn’t need to be having convos PERSUADING men that it’s valid to want to protect myself...or ‘all that nonsense’ as the last guy said.. How do other women manage their safety?" Safety is paramount and one we should never take for granted. I thankfully have not had any "cause for concern" on fab but I take precautions as well. Especially with couples. | |||
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"We get surprised by the amount of unverified folk who seem shirty when we want to see photos, know names, etc. Even as a couple we have to think of our safety. Especially as most of our meets involve around an hours travel or more. same here verified and unverified too sadly ![]() Weve noticed more and more some fake veris or what we suspect to be fake. Same person verified them a number of times but that profile is hidden. Or those who havent got a veri newer than about 4 years. Particularly couples they couldve split. We had what we THINK was a fake profile a while back. She had a profile full of photos and even sent videos. But chatting I sensed it was a male. Constant sex chatter, very pushy, etc | |||
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"As a single male I am not sure if my suggestion carries any weight on this thread. If you want to meet exclusively in clubs that is fine. If you want to meet men in one to one situations look for those who can accommodate. If he cannot accommodate after stating he can on his profile, move on. If he has a problem with you texting a mate, again move on. Just keep in mind single men will also need reassurance that they are not dealing with time wasters but anyone refusing reasonable safety measures is best avoided. " Being able to accommodate If they’re not a safe person to be alone with isn’t a help really given you’re in their house | |||
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"How do other women manage their safety? Personally I think they should keep that information to themselves so they arent giving anyone a heads up on how they keep themselves safe xx" Which is why I was asking in general rather than specific terms. I don’t you’re post is particularly helpful tbh. | |||
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"How do other women manage their safety? Personally I think they should keep that information to themselves so they arent giving anyone a heads up on how they keep themselves safe xx Which is why I was asking in general rather than specific terms. I don’t you’re post is particularly helpful tbh." Was just saying...... didn't mean anything by it | |||
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"As a single male I am not sure if my suggestion carries any weight on this thread. If you want to meet exclusively in clubs that is fine. If you want to meet men in one to one situations look for those who can accommodate. If he cannot accommodate after stating he can on his profile, move on. If he has a problem with you texting a mate, again move on. Just keep in mind single men will also need reassurance that they are not dealing with time wasters but anyone refusing reasonable safety measures is best avoided. Being able to accommodate If they’re not a safe person to be alone with isn’t a help really given you’re in their house " If you read my comment in full I also mentioned reasonable safety measures as in texting a friend to tell them where you are. | |||
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"It’s clubs all the way for us, there is the safety, they have resources and we have kids at home, only when we have met a couple of time and feel comfortable would we consider meeting somewhere more intimate. And there’s two of you.. Although I reckon I could take Mrs L if it came to it.. ![]() Ha ha, she might be the size of a Jack Russel, however, he also carries the temperament of one at times. | |||
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"It’s clubs all the way for us, there is the safety, they have resources and we have kids at home, only when we have met a couple of time and feel comfortable would we consider meeting somewhere more intimate. And there’s two of you.. Although I reckon I could take Mrs L if it came to it.. ![]() And you didn’t put Jacks down badger holes for no reason. May I point out, no badges were ever harmed, it was purely a metaphor... ![]() ![]() ![]() | |||
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"How do other women manage their safety? Personally I think they should keep that information to themselves so they arent giving anyone a heads up on how they keep themselves safe xx Which is why I was asking in general rather than specific terms. I don’t you’re post is particularly helpful tbh. Was just saying...... didn't mean anything by it" Well you are right, but no one on this post has been very specific so it didn’t really need saying. Have you had problems dealing with others who won’t respect your need for safety measures? Do you have other things to say on the issue? | |||
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"It’s clubs all the way for us, there is the safety, they have resources and we have kids at home, only when we have met a couple of time and feel comfortable would we consider meeting somewhere more intimate. And there’s two of you.. Although I reckon I could take Mrs L if it came to it.. ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Well I hope we never get to test these theories.. | |||
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"When I meet someone (whether it be a date, social, play date... anything meeting a stranger alone) I share my location with my best friends on our whatsapp group. I also keep in touch on the regular to let them know everything is ok." This makes perfect sense. No genuine guy would take issue with this. | |||
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"I really hope that this thread will make a few of those ‘shirty’ people think twice..." Sadly, I think that even if they bothered to read a thread like this, most would not consider that it applied to them. They know they are safe to meet.... | |||
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"Everyone should be able to ask for safety precautions from the people they meet, men and women. If a potential meet takes issue with any of your criteria, don’t meet them. It’s as simple as that. Feeling safe with another person takes time, it requires trust. And such things aren’t built in just a few messages. " This. If someone doesn't take the time you need to thoroughly check them out to feel safe then don't pursue anything. Keep yourself safe always. | |||
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"Everyone should be able to ask for safety precautions from the people they meet, men and women. If a potential meet takes issue with any of your criteria, don’t meet them. It’s as simple as that. Feeling safe with another person takes time, it requires trust. And such things aren’t built in just a few messages. " Absolutely. I am flabbergasted at how many think their verbal assurance that it’ll be fine makes ANY difference to me at all. Cos the psychos NEVER reassure their victims.... | |||
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"The problem of course is that most "single" men on here are attached in some way so don't want to leave any trail that could get back to their significant others. " I’m not sure most are but some are. | |||
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"The problem of course is that most "single" men on here are attached in some way so don't want to leave any trail that could get back to their significant others. I’m not sure most are but some are. " Agreed! ![]() | |||
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"Everyone should be able to ask for safety precautions from the people they meet, men and women. If a potential meet takes issue with any of your criteria, don’t meet them. It’s as simple as that. Feeling safe with another person takes time, it requires trust. And such things aren’t built in just a few messages. Absolutely. I am flabbergasted at how many think their verbal assurance that it’ll be fine makes ANY difference to me at all. Cos the psychos NEVER reassure their victims...." Unfortunately we live in a world where a person’s word has no initial value. Sincerity is a rare quality, and when your initial interaction comes via messages, you simply have no clue who a person really is. It’s only when you meet, when look them in the eyes and feel their presence, can all your other senses and instincts come into play, and of course by then you’re already at risk. Fab is worse than other places, because many of us feel the need to protect our privacy as well. Finding the right balance of openness and protection is tricky, even when you’re a genuine person and your intentions are honorable. I wouldn’t meet anyone who doesn’t understand this. It’s why basic communication is essential. It’s why we as a couple, and I as a solo guy, take a while to meet, and why it’s always a social in a public place first. | |||
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"Everyone should be able to ask for safety precautions from the people they meet, men and women. If a potential meet takes issue with any of your criteria, don’t meet them. It’s as simple as that. Feeling safe with another person takes time, it requires trust. And such things aren’t built in just a few messages. Absolutely. I am flabbergasted at how many think their verbal assurance that it’ll be fine makes ANY difference to me at all. Cos the psychos NEVER reassure their victims.... Unfortunately we live in a world where a person’s word has no initial value. Sincerity is a rare quality, and when your initial interaction comes via messages, you simply have no clue who a person really is. It’s only when you meet, when look them in the eyes and feel their presence, can all your other senses and instincts come into play, and of course by then you’re already at risk. Fab is worse than other places, because many of us feel the need to protect our privacy as well. Finding the right balance of openness and protection is tricky, even when you’re a genuine person and your intentions are honorable. I wouldn’t meet anyone who doesn’t understand this. It’s why basic communication is essential. It’s why we as a couple, and I as a solo guy, take a while to meet, and why it’s always a social in a public place first. " Well put. Thank you. | |||
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"So many times I've been told "I'm a nice guy, you'll be safe with me" & they really don't like it when I'm not prepared to just take their word for it. I find it's actually a pretty good filter, if they don't take my safety concerns seriously at the messaging stage then I won't meet them at all. " And it indicates that, even if they’re not psycho body butchers, they’re not going to respond to any other of your needs, sexually or otherwise. In fact after a nasty experience with a meet from here, any sense that the person isn’t attending to my needs (time to get ready, helping find parking, clear directions to their location) and I bail. If you’re not interested in taking the trouble to host me well then the sex isn’t likely to be good for me. You’re already not listening. | |||
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"There’s been some great contributions to this thread. Thank you!" It’s not really a serious issue for men so men need to try to think about it all from a ladies point of view. | |||
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"There’s been some great contributions to this thread. Thank you! It’s not really a serious issue for men so men need to try to think about it all from a ladies point of view. " I think everyone should have respect for another person’s concerns. Consideration goes both ways. | |||
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"There’s been some great contributions to this thread. Thank you! It’s not really a serious issue for men so men need to try to think about it all from a ladies point of view. " I'm definitely cautious, some people are mental - male and female. One of my male friends got unlucky with a meet one time and has a scar on his abdomen to prove it. :O | |||
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"Made me think this. First ever meet I had, the lady said, ‘I want your registration number where we meet and I will tell my friends where I am’. At first I was concerned about confidentiality, then it came clear about safety. I haven’t played alone for ages. I would now ask a partner to set up a safety scenario. It makes things more relaxed and fun." Exactly. If you trust me with the essentials to keep me safe, I trust you more. If you won’t give me the info then you clearly don’t trust me, and therefore I’m unable to trust you. Which doesn’t make for good sex, particularly D/s play. Ironically, it’s mainly D/s players with whom I’ve had these issues. | |||
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"I wonder if a "personal contact" app has been built using block chain yet? That would be a good, confidential, yet secure way to exchange identity details. " Should have Googled first. There appears to be a few. I might have a look into this. | |||
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"I have my man to keep me safe so I don't worry about that side of things, but I would not do this by myself. The number of men who descended on my single female profile and the shocking things they said was scarey. I don't think the site does enough to give us protection. Interesting. I’m not sure how much they can do in reality without making themselves legally liable. But many men need to wake up to what they are requesting of women IMO. Many of the people I’ve had these convos with are about my age. I often wonder what they tell their daughters to do to protect their safety. I’m sure getting into strange men’s cars/houses to have sex without having any idea who they are or where you are going wouldn’t come into it, yet I have frequently been asked to do that. Basically any woman who gets themselves alone in a private place with a man they don't really know is taking a risk. You can minimise that risk by having socials, requesting some form of ID etc, but the risk will always be there. The only way to eliminate the risk entirely is to never meet anyone privately. " The same thing can be applied to men. False accusations are real. Happened to me with a women I didn't even sleep with on fab when I went to a club. Accused me and tried to get me kicked out cuz she didn't like me. Owner pulled me to the side and said don't worry, she is a known bullshitter. You're safe. | |||
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"Men are at risk, too, and sadly a number have been attacked or murdered in this country after meeting on dating apps. And what about the single guy going to a woman's house only to find her bruiser husband's there, too. Everyone must be careful." That's true. On a dating app I met this girl, ok she was and by third date went back to her place. She was a foreigner. We were having sex and she said something in her language... I thought she was saying oh god or something in her native tongue and the next second another girl comes out with a knife saying give us money. It's not just women that have to be careful. | |||
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"The trouble is a lot of men see this Fab as a place to get free sex, they done see it as a Swinging place where you get to know people, make friends and then have sex." Spot on. | |||
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