FabSwingers.com forum: How to turn someone down after a social

By *irty Pretty OP Woman
over a year ago

Cardiff

Partly inspired by the thread about how to say no after a face pic, and partly “asking for a friend” lol.

If you have a social but decide you don’t want to take it further, what do you say? On the flip side, if you’ve been told after a social that they don’t want to take it further, how did they do it and/or how would you prefer to be told?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

We always go home and talk things through. If we decide not to take things further we thank them for meeting us and say we won't be taking things further.

We have been told in various ways from being completely ignored to bring politely told we are very different people. On balance we prefer to be told but the message gets across however it's conveyed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Never promise play after a social “if all goes well”, always say you never play after a social no matter what then at the end of the social you can say “I’ll be in touch” and then at least you don’t have to reject them face to face.

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

Just be honest.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The same way we turn them down ima. Club tbh. We just say thanks but we’re not looking to play today

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By *affeine DuskMan
over a year ago

Caerphilly

Be very open, avoid any negativity.

Pretty good guideline for anything, but especially here I guess.

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By *ntrepid ExplorersCouple
over a year ago

Birmingham

We find it SOOOO hard to say no. I'll tell anyone that of course you need to reply, not ghost etc... but I think it's that flip from enthusiasm before you meet, to ... repulsion after, it feels like I'm a bad person for changing my mind. Even though my mind beforehand is basically built on my own imagination.

I really try, but sometimes I just feel too darned awkward! Getting better though.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Ive said it was nice meeting you but id like to leave it there. Ive not had it said to me but as long as they where polite i wouldnt mind how they said it

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By *ntrepid ExplorersCouple
over a year ago

Birmingham

"The same way we turn them down ima. Club tbh. We just say thanks but we’re not looking to play today

Personally to me that feels ambiguously open ended. In a club I think it's more viable, but outside if is so much more open to the other people thinking "Oh, well... in future then...? Maybe...?". Taking a hint is good, but what if that wasn't the hint and it was a genuine comment? What if they then do see you playing later in the club? I know I'd feel sooooo awkward with these half truths.

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By *uciyassMan
over a year ago

sheffield

Just say the sex was shite and you would prefer to have a wank over a photo of Theresa May

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

I think being honest and polite about it is the *only* way it should be dealt with to be honest - nothing worse than being left dangling and wondering.

I've not yet had a situation where I've met someone that I've had to say "I don't want to take things further" but have been in the situation of having met someone (socially or otherwise) where they've just gone silent or not been upfront that they don't want to meet again and it's only natural to wonder if it was something you said or did - appreciate that people may not want to hurt feelings, or might be worried about getting abuse, but would much rather be told politely they don't want to meet again.

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By *apiensWoman
over a year ago

glasgow

"Partly inspired by the thread about how to say no after a face pic, and partly “asking for a friend” lol.

This happened to me about six months ago - a chap actually came back to my hotel room, had a bit more chat and then said “I’m ever so sorry I’m not feeling this at all” and left. I was a bit embarrassed but honestly it was much better than if he’d told me some bullshit and definitely better than crap sex.

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By *roticGoddessXXWoman
over a year ago

Richmond

"Partly inspired by the thread about how to say no after a face pic, and partly “asking for a friend” lol.

Absolutely agree with this! (I've been there, too) Can't argue with "I'm not feeling this." and much better than going into details of why.

I've always made it clear that I meet for socials. If there's nothing there, it's easy enough to politely decline anything further.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Partly inspired by the thread about how to say no after a face pic, and partly “asking for a friend” lol.

And infinitely better than him just doing it because he felt he had to.

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By *AYENCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

It was lovely meeting you but the chemistry just wasn't there for me - so I won't be taking it any further. Good luck though and happy fabbing!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As a couple we've had some pretty shit rejection messages, the best was " not for us shes too fat for the mrs ".....for me that stung a little, especially when at the time we were very new to the scene.

We've also had " we only want to play with the fem " this also stung but theres no way in hell I'm playing as a couple without my better half....reject him you reject us both.

Theres a right way and a wrong way to turn someone down...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd just say be honest if you're going to have that conversation.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

I just say thanks but i’d rather leave it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The same way we turn them down ima. Club tbh. We just say thanks but we’re not looking to play today

Luckily we haven’t turned down many people we meet as we make sure we see a face pic and chat a lot prior, this particular time was with a guy and instead me and the mr just played together no one else so there was no lying or anything.

The second time I just said to the couple that I’m Not feeling it... which was gutting because we had gotten on sooo well with that couple and when we met I just wasn’t feeling the Male half of the couple.

Neither were dicks about it though both polite. Later than couple played with someone else and I played with a Male for a bit but that was it really no biggy no one was offended xx

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By *hamCouple30Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham

Rule is simple : Turn someone down as you would like to turned down.

Be respectful

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Rule is simple : Turn someone down as you would like to turned down.

Be respectful "

This

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We always go home and talk things through. If we decide not to take things further we thank them for meeting us and say we won't be taking things further.

We have been told in various ways from being completely ignored to bring politely told we are very different people. On balance we prefer to be told but the message gets across however it's conveyed.

This xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Partly inspired by the thread about how to say no after a face pic, and partly “asking for a friend” lol.

Just be honest but not cruel.

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By *irty Pretty OP Woman
over a year ago

Cardiff

"Never promise play after a social “if all goes well”, always say you never play after a social no matter what then at the end of the social you can say “I’ll be in touch” and then at least you don’t have to reject them face to face. "

Oh yes, I always make it clear that social and play are separate, I like to be able to make my escape if need be!

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By *rStoner_bfdMan
over a year ago

Keighley/Shipley

Iv been the one to turn someone down and vice versus been turned down both happened at the social so it was face to face for both and both times it was still quite friendly neither person got upset or anything we all agreed we prefer being told honestly if we didn't think it was going further in fact both times me and the social still kept talking and drinking for a while because we were both happy enough to just chill and enjoy the social

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By *irty Pretty OP Woman
over a year ago

Cardiff

"We find it SOOOO hard to say no. I'll tell anyone that of course you need to reply, not ghost etc... but I think it's that flip from enthusiasm before you meet, to ... repulsion after, it feels like I'm a bad person for changing my mind. Even though my mind beforehand is basically built on my own imagination.

I really try, but sometimes I just feel too darned awkward! Getting better though."

That’s the trouble, I’m bad at saying no and that rarely turns out well! I’m scared of being labelled a timewaster or getting a load of abuse for “stringing them along” or something.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Right I’ve got experience in this field as I’ve met what must have been 600 or more guys over the 9 years I’ve been here. My socials have been anything from a meal, a coffee, meeting someone in the car park of my local kfc and speaking to them in the car or full sex and everything in between.

I tell everyone that nothing can happen till I’ve seen them in the flesh.

If they aren’t for me I simply tell them there and then that it was nice to meet them but I’m not feeling it. I’ve only slept with 4 guys out of the 100’s I’ve met!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Rule is simple : Turn someone down as you would like to turned down.

Be respectful "

Perfect! Just be honest.

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By *oiluvfunMan
over a year ago

Penrith

I just thank them for taking the time to meet me, but I didn't feel a connection, so I won't be looking to go any further

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By *eastAndTheHarlotCouple
over a year ago

Hartlepool

Face pic.

Sorry not our type.

After a social.

Sorry just not feeling it.

You don't owe anybody anything apart from a bit of respect. You don't need to be rude or give details. Just a no thanks.

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By *irty Pretty OP Woman
over a year ago

Cardiff

"Right I’ve got experience in this field as I’ve met what must have been 600 or more guys over the 9 years I’ve been here. My socials have been anything from a meal, a coffee, meeting someone in the car park of my local kfc and speaking to them in the car or full sex and everything in between.

I tell everyone that nothing can happen till I’ve seen them in the flesh.

If they aren’t for me I simply tell them there and then that it was nice to meet them but I’m not feeling it. I’ve only slept with 4 guys out of the 100’s I’ve met!"

I’m seriously impressed with your ability to say no!

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By *traight up guyMan
over a year ago

Morpeth

Maybe I can offer a perspective as a single guy on how I would feel about being turned down (though it has happened yet).

I accept that we are not all a match for each other and don't see myself as entitled / god's gift.

If I can't take being turned down / rejection, I shouldn't be doing this.

I will always suggest / accept a social meet as being without pressure or expectation of anything else.

If its a social with a couple, at some point I will say that I'm off to the gents, so they are able to talk about how they feel and if they would like to 'keep it as just a social meet' that is fine by me. If its with a single female I will ask how she feels and say the same about if she wants to 'keep it just as a social' that is ok.

For me, offering the opportunity to be turned down makes it a more comfortable situation for all and removes the awkwardness.

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By *irty Pretty OP Woman
over a year ago

Cardiff

"Maybe I can offer a perspective as a single guy on how I would feel about being turned down (though it has happened yet).

I accept that we are not all a match for each other and don't see myself as entitled / god's gift.

If I can't take being turned down / rejection, I shouldn't be doing this.

I will always suggest / accept a social meet as being without pressure or expectation of anything else.

For me, offering the opportunity to be turned down makes it a more comfortable situation for all and removes the awkwardness.

That’s a very sensible way to look at it, and it gives me hope that maybe it won’t go too badly.

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By *aynek80Man
over a year ago

Wirral

"Partly inspired by the thread about how to say no after a face pic, and partly “asking for a friend” lol.

That's what socials are for! I'm had a few and that all its been, 1 went further.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Partly inspired by the thread about how to say no after a face pic, and partly “asking for a friend” lol.

Why not just be honest? Theres enough lies in this world!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The shit sandwich... Say something nice first and last, with the shit news in the middle. Like "Thanks for the coffee today it was lovely. On reflection I won't be taking things any further. You are a nice guy though, I wish you luck". Assuming they are nice that is!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I really try, but sometimes I just feel too darned awkward! Getting better though.

That’s the trouble, I’m bad at saying no and that rarely turns out well! I’m scared of being labelled a timewaster or getting a load of abuse for “stringing them along” or something."

Some people are just immature and can't handle rejection. That is their issue, not yours. If you have been respectful and you get a bad reaction, just walk away knowing they've proven they weren't worth meeting

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By *ifty69Man
over a year ago

north tyneside

Honesty is best, rather than some folk who just block

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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

I say to people I just don't think we have that vibe.

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By *imply_SensualMan
over a year ago

warrington

I have been on both ends of this, and the only way is to be open and honest. Whether that is face to face or by message afterwards (after some time to reflect) it doesnt really matter. There is no need to go into specific details about what it was, just that a person wasnt feeling it. When on the receiving end, just accept that the spark or attraction wasnt there, it happens. Someone else will come along and you might want to rip each others clothes off.

There is no point dwelling on things.

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By *ethnmelvCouple
over a year ago

Cardiff

We arrange to meet at Clubs, sometimes the excitement before we meet is fulfilled, sometimes it isn’t. We always make sure that people understand meeting at Clubs doesn’t mean anything more than that, sex is never a given. If we, or the other party(ies) aren’t interested we are open about saying so and moving on. We are never mean, why on earth would you be? Equally we are ok if we aren’t right for others, we all have our preferences

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By *moothdickMan
over a year ago

stoke

Just do what most do, and block em

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have been rejected lots of times, but only once did it threaten my sense of self worth. A simple ‘decided not to take things further but thanks for your interest’ is fine by me. If I met someone and they ghosted I’d think much less of them.

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By *apiensWoman
over a year ago

glasgow

I tell everyone that nothing can happen till I’ve seen them in the flesh.

If they aren’t for me I simply tell them there and then that it was nice to meet them but I’m not feeling it. I’ve only slept with 4 guys out of the 100’s I’ve met!"

This feels like a poor return on the time invested.

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By *j1963Couple
over a year ago

leeds

As long as it honest without being offensive... it was nice to meet you but the chemistry isn't there for me.

I'd much rather that than get blocked or ghosted. Or just bad sex...

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By *il FiskMan
over a year ago

sefton

There's nothing wrong with a good old fashioned, "sorry your not for me"!

Why would you get upset by that?

I'd rather have a straight up answer, and move on!

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