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Am I a freak for wanting more?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

So something I have noticed. I'm looking for that elusive something more, I work in a club at the weekends and absolutely love watching the dynamic between the couples. Iv been single now for 3 years by choice, and I'm bored of meaningless.

Fab I feel (as well as the clubs) are an ideal place to find a partner within the scene, but when I explain this to a single that messages me, I'm either treated like I'm asking for marriage... Or I'm told what I want to hear, am stupid and then ghosted!

It's making me feel a fair bit resentful towards single men when I know its not all...

Just me?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes, you're a freak for wanting to be more than a sex object. When will women learn?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not at all. One day will happen you will kiss many frogs before you kiss your prince or princess

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In all seriousness, dating sucks and frankly Fabs is no different. Most guys won't be open to anything more serious, or even if they are feel as if they need to avoid commitment (which is dumb).

Stick to your guns, if 99 guys run from you because they think "more serious" is a marriage proposal, one guy will be interested. And you only need one.

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By *uckandbunnyCouple
over a year ago

In your bed

I think whilst it is not impossible to find a longer term partner on fab, it will still take some luck.

But then that is the same with other dating sites. People can still use them for 1 time meets.

Having not had to date anytime in the last 2 decades, I'm probably the worst to give any dating advice.

But hearing from others the best you can hope for is to try and enjoy dating, it may mean meeting a number of people but you can find someone compatable and I would try other places as well as fab. Bumble got good recommendations from some ladies I know.

They could be open minded on there even if they don't openly say so.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"In all seriousness, dating sucks and frankly Fabs is no different. Most guys won't be open to anything more serious, or even if they are feel as if they need to avoid commitment (which is dumb).

Stick to your guns, if 99 guys run from you because they think "more serious" is a marriage proposal, one guy will be interested. And you only need one."

I find its an age thing, well seems to be. But being with someone terrifies people and I don't get why? I can't think of anything sexier than having that connection with someone, to know what turns them on and learn new things with someone you are comfortable with... As well as being in the scene! Seems just looking for meaningless sex which is great for some

And yes. Dating sucks.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I think whilst it is not impossible to find a longer term partner on fab, it will still take some luck.

But then that is the same with other dating sites. People can still use them for 1 time meets.

Having not had to date anytime in the last 2 decades, I'm probably the worst to give any dating advice.

But hearing from others the best you can hope for is to try and enjoy dating, it may mean meeting a number of people but you can find someone compatable and I would try other places as well as fab. Bumble got good recommendations from some ladies I know.

They could be open minded on there even if they don't openly say so.

"

I'm on other sites but I'm not obsessing over it if that makes sense. I'm happy on my own, iv grown comfortable in my own company but every so often think a partner would add a nice dynamic.

I was with someone for 6 years and married etc and dating has changed so much since then! It's expected almost to lead to more then to never hear from them again, even if you make them wait several dates

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

My opinion is that you're not a freak. However I think you should be very wary of looking for something more on fab. It does happen, we've all read the success stories. However, being realistic there will be a lot of men waiting to tell you what you want to hear, just look at the sychophancy that goes on.

Shields up, phasers set to stun while looking but don't be afraid to try

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No. I hear you. Dating is difficult. But finding someone on Fab for more than fun is hard. The last two men I met more than oncr, one wanted everything his way, the club he felt comfortable at, and the other tried using me as bait for couples.

But everyone is not the same. It only takes one x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People are odd. I met a fuck buddy on here and we have group sex occasionally and it’s a swinging site... I don’t want him to be my boyfriend but I asked if he would be turned on by seeing his gf with other people but he says he would only be monogamous with a girlfriend. You’d think someone on here would be more open to it! But that’s just one person. If you’re sure you want to swing in a relationship then I’d just be honest with whoever you meet, it might not be from here x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Not at all. One day will happen you will kiss many frogs before you kiss your prince or princess"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My opinion is that you're not a freak. However I think you should be very wary of looking for something more on fab. It does happen, we've all read the success stories. However, being realistic there will be a lot of men waiting to tell you what you want to hear, just look at the sychophancy that goes on.

Shields up, phasers set to stun while looking but don't be afraid to try "

And don't see it as a utopian dream. You see play time in the clubs. That's a tiny fraction of what's involved in making a non monogamous relationship work. It took us years and years to get to where we are now and it still takes maintenance and management to make it work. But everyone should reach for their dream and I hope yours comes true x

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By *lan157Man
over a year ago

a village near Haywards Heath in East Sussex

I don't think its unrealistic to find your life partner through a swing site . I think it probably better not to declare any desire to do so to single men who may back off unless they have feelings for you which will take time to evolve.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I don't think its unrealistic to find your life partner through a swing site . I think it probably better not to declare any desire to do so to single men who may back off unless they have feelings for you which will take time to evolve."

I don't declare undying love lol I'm just honest from the start and say I'm not looking for just one night stands... Not overly fussed about a life partner just someone to come to clubs etc

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By *uxomBoobs195Woman
over a year ago

Rotherham

Id always wanted to meet an older guy, become good friends, have brilliant sex and find someone i could talk to and laugh with about anything and everything.

Last year i found that. A single dad, lived too far away to see eachother all the time but not too far away that it was too far. We got on so lovely an he brought back a side of me i thought i had lost and built up some of my confidence.

But i got too attached. I hated having to leave at 3pm an just vanish an be a secret in his life again. I started to feel abit used and very lonely on the drive back.

I built the courage up an we had the chat, but as hes older, has a daughter and i have my son, lives a way away,it just didnt seem possible to happen.

Since that chat wev stayed in touch and chat most days but its not the same anymore. I think i let my guard down for him an altho i knew deep down it wouldnt work, it still felt like a kick in the gut that it couldnt.

Your totally normal an human for how your feeling, i used to love the idea of no strings an one offs etc. But i know id just end up being left feeling crappy an end up eating my feelings away with Chinese and chocolate!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it's unrealistic to expect to form some kind of lasting relationship that immediately involves you both swinging.

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By *rMrs CumalotCouple
over a year ago

East Mids

Hi,

We were both in the lifestyle as singles, we were actually introduced by some friends. Now we are married and swing together, it’s not impossible or weird just difficult to find.

We did stop swinging for a little bit at first, in order to get to know each other fully etc

It’s deffo possible

Mrs C

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Id always wanted to meet an older guy, become good friends, have brilliant sex and find someone i could talk to and laugh with about anything and everything.

Last year i found that. A single dad, lived too far away to see eachother all the time but not too far away that it was too far. We got on so lovely an he brought back a side of me i thought i had lost and built up some of my confidence.

But i got too attached. I hated having to leave at 3pm an just vanish an be a secret in his life again. I started to feel abit used and very lonely on the drive back.

I built the courage up an we had the chat, but as hes older, has a daughter and i have my son, lives a way away,it just didnt seem possible to happen.

Since that chat wev stayed in touch and chat most days but its not the same anymore. I think i let my guard down for him an altho i knew deep down it wouldnt work, it still felt like a kick in the gut that it couldnt.

Your totally normal an human for how your feeling, i used to love the idea of no strings an one offs etc. But i know id just end up being left feeling crappy an end up eating my feelings away with Chinese and chocolate!"

Thank you for writing this. I know it will ring true for a lot of us here and you've expressed it so well.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can I ask if you have considered introducing someone you date from vanilla life to the fab life?

Would you tell a vanilla date about your fab life if you felt they were not comfortable with the idea?

Would consider giving up fab life for a vanilla relationship if they felt uncomfortable?

This is a tricky problem for quite a few people I know. There is no easy solution, but one thing is for sure, you are not a freak. There is much more to life and love than great sex and you deserve to have it all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP it's not wrong at all and it's possible to find someone in the scene but also out both have their pitfalls.

there is a few aspects to consider for your position.

For many people 30+ been single is more than likely to be dealing with or in recovery from some previous relationship and swinging may offer a way of recovery, healing, having sex, feeling better about them self's with lower amounts of complications or out of the family environment (escape) be aware of this and be considerate.

Saying I'm looking for a relationship might send some running for the hills because it's what they are trying to escape from? Take some serious thought about how you can see what you are seeking and then consider how someone fits in with that? Be mindful that you are going to have to endure the same situation in return?

Trying to form a relationship between two swingers (or bridging the gap between vanilla) can be tricky to say the least we can both speak first hand on the issues that can crop up as there's a transition period between "free and single" swingers and 2 swingers in a relationship as one.

With any relationship it's usually a case as it just happens and not just over night, it takes two to tango and both have to be able to compromise to make things work

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If it happens, it happens. But I agree that I wouldn't want to go back to a vanilla lifestyle. For me though, there are lots of really good points to being single. I'd just like a partner in crime really. For fun and frolicks on here, and social stuff.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Can I ask if you have considered introducing someone you date from vanilla life to the fab life?

Would you tell a vanilla date about your fab life if you felt they were not comfortable with the idea?

Would consider giving up fab life for a vanilla relationship if they felt uncomfortable?

This is a tricky problem for quite a few people I know. There is no easy solution, but one thing is for sure, you are not a freak. There is much more to life and love than great sex and you deserve to have it all. "

Hey hun... I don't get asked. On dates, vanilla or otherwise haha iv always had vanilla relationships, iv only been introduced into this scene as I had an incident with a man where I was assulted nearly 2 years ago now and found myself starting to hate men and sex, so thought I'd chuck myself in a situation where I'm going to be exposed to both but in a safe environment so I went to a club and never looked back! If I didn't do this, my mental health would have continued to suffer. This scene saved me in many ways.

Absolutely agree it would take time to build stuff up to that, and perhaps I'm too honest with people, I don't go in with I want a relationship, I'm open to dating and seeing how things go-sec is sex and iv found sex with no connection is not for me.

I'd always tell someone about fab life because the club I go to is a big part of my life, I work there at weekends, I have some really good friends there so they would need to understand that I'm there to work.

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

I’ve seen it very close to hand recently. Sadly emotions get in the way for both men and women.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Can I ask if you have considered introducing someone you date from vanilla life to the fab life?

Would you tell a vanilla date about your fab life if you felt they were not comfortable with the idea?

Would consider giving up fab life for a vanilla relationship if they felt uncomfortable?

This is a tricky problem for quite a few people I know. There is no easy solution, but one thing is for sure, you are not a freak. There is much more to life and love than great sex and you deserve to have it all.

Hey hun... I don't get asked. On dates, vanilla or otherwise haha iv always had vanilla relationships, iv only been introduced into this scene as I had an incident with a man where I was assulted nearly 2 years ago now and found myself starting to hate men and sex, so thought I'd chuck myself in a situation where I'm going to be exposed to both but in a safe environment so I went to a club and never looked back! If I didn't do this, my mental health would have continued to suffer. This scene saved me in many ways.

Absolutely agree it would take time to build stuff up to that, and perhaps I'm too honest with people, I don't go in with I want a relationship, I'm open to dating and seeing how things go-sec is sex and iv found sex with no connection is not for me.

I'd always tell someone about fab life because the club I go to is a big part of my life, I work there at weekends, I have some really good friends there so they would need to understand that I'm there to work. "

Well there's nothing wrong with starting with something light and working from there?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So something I have noticed. I'm looking for that elusive something more, I work in a club at the weekends and absolutely love watching the dynamic between the couples. Iv been single now for 3 years by choice, and I'm bored of meaningless.

Fab I feel (as well as the clubs) are an ideal place to find a partner within the scene, but when I explain this to a single that messages me, I'm either treated like I'm asking for marriage... Or I'm told what I want to hear, am stupid and then ghosted!

It's making me feel a fair bit resentful towards single men when I know its not all...

Just me? "

Completely get what you mean. Speaking from the other side, after 2 years being single, I’m tired of meaningless sex. I suppose ideally I’m looking for a swinging relationship where we are committed to each another, but together were open to sharing one other with other like minded people and exploring our sexual life together as well as a romantic life together

Makes me sound stupid doesn’t it?

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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago

Hillside desolate

You're not a freak for wanting more, but neither are those people who don't want it. If someone said to me, especially when we were still at the just messaging stage, that they wanted this I would back off too, as its not what I want at all.

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By *izzy.Woman
over a year ago

Stoke area

I met someone at a club. We were both single and not looking for any sort of relationship, but we just clicked. Met a few times and enjoyed each other's company.

So now we are happy in an open relationship. Communication is key, but we swing seperately and together and it can work.

So maybe don't go looking for it and wait until the right person comes along.

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By *lanemikeMan
over a year ago

Bolton


"I met someone at a club. We were both single and not looking for any sort of relationship, but we just clicked. Met a few times and enjoyed each other's company.

So now we are happy in an open relationship. Communication is key, but we swing seperately and together and it can work.

So maybe don't go looking for it and wait until the right person comes along. "

That sounds great..... I love to happen for me..

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By *lanemikeMan
over a year ago

Bolton


"So something I have noticed. I'm looking for that elusive something more, I work in a club at the weekends and absolutely love watching the dynamic between the couples. Iv been single now for 3 years by choice, and I'm bored of meaningless.

Fab I feel (as well as the clubs) are an ideal place to find a partner within the scene, but when I explain this to a single that messages me, I'm either treated like I'm asking for marriage... Or I'm told what I want to hear, am stupid and then ghosted!

It's making me feel a fair bit resentful towards single men when I know its not all...

Just me?

Completely get what you mean. Speaking from the other side, after 2 years being single, I’m tired of meaningless sex. I suppose ideally I’m looking for a swinging relationship where we are committed to each another, but together were open to sharing one other with other like minded people and exploring our sexual life together as well as a romantic life together

Makes me sound stupid doesn’t it? "

Errrr..... No, not at all !!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If someone said to me, especially when we were still at the just messaging stage, that they wanted this I would back off too, as its not what I want at all. "

And that's exactly why OP should be up front. Everyone that isn't interested in this should back off, just like any other kink or interest on fabs.

It's tempting to keep quiet about things you really want but it's ultimately a recipe for disappointment, and then resentment.

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By *ust_A_Tease_To_PleaseWoman
over a year ago

South Wales: Newport, Chepstow

I'm polyamorus, and open about this on my profile.

When asked about it I tell guys I'm happy to start as friend, then add benefits, then see what happens without any pressure either way. I don't do NSA/one night stands which gets rid of a lot of ppl who aren't looking for the same as me as I expect to take it slow and do a lot of chatting but still having fun without pressure or expectation of them being "the one".

We can just all be ourselves while having fun and if more develops it's clear from the start that I'd always expect to be polyamorus and never monogomous with anyone.

Hope that helps that it can be done while also having a bit of fun

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By *lanemikeMan
over a year ago

Bolton

Having had three long term "exclusive" relationships, last one (21 years) recently ended I am looking for some thing more "flexible" but more than just one night stands... Not sure it will ever happen, live in hopes !!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So something I have noticed. I'm looking for that elusive something more, I work in a club at the weekends and absolutely love watching the dynamic between the couples. Iv been single now for 3 years by choice, and I'm bored of meaningless.

Fab I feel (as well as the clubs) are an ideal place to find a partner within the scene, but when I explain this to a single that messages me, I'm either treated like I'm asking for marriage... Or I'm told what I want to hear, am stupid and then ghosted!

It's making me feel a fair bit resentful towards single men when I know its not all...

Just me? "

Nope.

But those things called men , don't know when it's time to reduce sowing wild oats.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree, I don't want to go back to a relationship of vanilla monogamy. Been on here before as a single then met my ex-partner and we swung as a couple which I loved.

Now back on as a single and while I enjoy playing I miss that emotional connection with another person who gets you sexually, enjoys swinging as well as all the usual relationship stuff.

I put an update up saying I wish Fab did Fabdating for those wanting to meet someone into the lifestyle.

The messages I got from single guys was..."you just need a FB if no one wants to date you" and join a club so you can enjoy being single".

Pmsl - have all the above, I enjoy my single life but I enjoy sharing it as well.

Qué Sera sera

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By *ussex-steveMan
over a year ago

brighton


"In all seriousness, dating sucks and frankly Fabs is no different. Most guys won't be open to anything more serious, or even if they are feel as if they need to avoid commitment (which is dumb).

Stick to your guns, if 99 guys run from you because they think "more serious" is a marriage proposal, one guy will be interested. And you only need one."

Luckily you know every bloke on fabs and asked all the relevant questions, and are qualified to come up with your conclusion,or you were talking out of your rear end! personally I don't recall being asked ,!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" Things I needed to read through to get my reply right. "

It's great to hear you taking control back for yourself and whatever method works for you is a good one. I'm sure that has bridged over to your vanilla life too and improved things.

Whoever you meet is going to fall for all of you and accept everything you enjoy no matter fab or vanilla. It all comes with risk and there is no telling what side off the fence they will come from. Just watch out for the ones who sit on the fence or try to build their own fences around you. There is a lot of sage advice to digest from some experienced and caring people here. I Dont think you can never be too honest. Unless her bum does look too big in it lol.

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By *hav02Man
over a year ago

Glasgow/London


"Can I ask if you have considered introducing someone you date from vanilla life to the fab life?

Would you tell a vanilla date about your fab life if you felt they were not comfortable with the idea?

Would consider giving up fab life for a vanilla relationship if they felt uncomfortable?

This is a tricky problem for quite a few people I know. There is no easy solution, but one thing is for sure, you are not a freak. There is much more to life and love than great sex and you deserve to have it all.

Hey hun... I don't get asked. On dates, vanilla or otherwise haha iv always had vanilla relationships, iv only been introduced into this scene as I had an incident with a man where I was assulted nearly 2 years ago now and found myself starting to hate men and sex, so thought I'd chuck myself in a situation where I'm going to be exposed to both but in a safe environment so I went to a club and never looked back! If I didn't do this, my mental health would have continued to suffer. This scene saved me in many ways.

Absolutely agree it would take time to build stuff up to that, and perhaps I'm too honest with people, I don't go in with I want a relationship, I'm open to dating and seeing how things go-sec is sex and iv found sex with no connection is not for me.

I'd always tell someone about fab life because the club I go to is a big part of my life, I work there at weekends, I have some really good friends there so they would need to understand that I'm there to work. "

I share your mindset. I've been on countless dates only for things to fizzle because we don't "click"...

Though, sounds like you want more of a FWB ? Someone committed to you, but open to swinging? Or, a step up, a very understanding partner?

Hang in there, keep dating, and meeting people, it's just a game of probability i guess?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We found each other here. We were both looking for semi regular meets. Not what we have now. I think the thing is let things develop naturally with people don't expect it to become a relationship.

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