FabSwingers.com forum: Idea to prevent club stalking

By *onic2 OP Man
over a year ago

Bromley

Hello I'm just sitting here with a a female fab member have a good discussion about persistent unwanted attention in clubs.

Having personally read quite a lot from the club area of this website and general comments,

This seems to be a problem across all of the the forum posts regarding swinging clubs.

I don't understand why someone hasn't just got a night called " fun not followed".

Basically the premise would be that at each individual person or couple would sign a membership and a personal agreement that they won't follow people or intrude on there personal space or be untoward.

Yes I know it says all the same "No means no" stuff in every sex club rules but I think it's because it's never explained personally.... And more crucially never personally agreed so it can kind of just get disregarded.#people!

After all any system which relies on people to be good is a bad system.

My idea:

If the management had a policy where everybody is personally meet and greeted and literally spends 5—15 mins in a room chatting to the owners of the club/ the event host or whoever before they're allowed in... I think that would not only help the loyalty of the customers and their feelings towards the club and respect of the rules. it would give everyone in there a sense of security and common ground especially if it was correctly enforced one warning and then you're out kind of thing. ( I'm guessing the clubs already have their own internal data sharing of troublemakers like normal clubs do?)

My second thought and I don't know how impractical this is to be honest....

Everybody has a small wristband with a number on it that has to be visible at all times ( clubs could make this this is ugly or attractive as they wanted to anything from a designer style bracelet to a plastic monstrosity you get the swimming pool)

The idea here is that that rather than have to to get a member of staff and then find / describe the person that's harassing you which is confrontational..

You could just go to the bar as if you would normally ordering a drink report their number to the bar staff who would then find and that person's picture logged against their number and be able to go and have a word with them without implicating the person who had raised the complaint.

I'll be really interested to hear if anyone thinks that these things would be impractical.

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By *aven RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

How would the staff/owners have the time to spend even 5 mins with each person coming in? Some clubs hold between 100 - 200 people at each event x

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By *ubsteffTV/TS
over a year ago

Portsmouth

"How would the staff/owners have the time to spend even 5 mins with each person coming in? Some clubs hold between 100 - 200 people at each event x"

I was just thinking the exact same thing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A loud and clear "no thank you please stop pestering me" generally is enough.

And it's not hard to point out someone who is causing you bother to a staff member - the clubs I have been to aren't massive venues with 1000s of people so it's pretty easy to point someone out to management of needed.

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley

Honestly, the issue really isn't as bad as people make out, and all you're doing is costing the clubs more money by requiring extra staff and those wristbands which in turn will put prices up.

I think you've got the right intentions but the ideas just aren't viable.

Most clubs already warn members that no means no, if someone is going to break the rules, they will do it regardless.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Insufficient time and staff to spend that much time with each guest.

We each need to take responsibility too. If someone is unwanted, you indicate or tell them so. If they persist, you make it expressly clear that you have no interest at all and ask them to move away.

If they try again or touch you, you report them to management ASAP. If you are with others, it's reasonable for someone in the group to inform staff, if you are busy having fun.

Clubs don't tolerate people who have gone against indications from customers and certainly not people who touch others without invitation. Someone floating around a club letting their hands and body get into contact with others for micro-gropes is unwelcome.

They will be warned, ejected and lose membership and potentially reported to the police, if a serious crime is committed.

I can see the value in a wrist band, if it's full of new guests but it's likely they would make visibility of it difficult, to make it hard.

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By *andKBCouple
over a year ago

Plymouth

I've heard of coloured bands so people can see people's sexuality and if they're looking to play. They seem like a good idea.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Insufficient time and staff to spend that much time with each guest.

We each need to take responsibility too. If someone is unwanted, you indicate or tell them so. If they persist, you make it expressly clear that you have no interest at all and ask them to move away.

If they try again or touch you, you report them to management ASAP. If you are with others, it's reasonable for someone in the group to inform staff, if you are busy having fun.

They will be warned, ejected and lose membership and potentially reported to the police, if a serious crime is committed.

I can see the value in a wrist band, if it's full of new guests but it's likely they would make visibility of it difficult, to make it hard. "

Agreed

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By *ink flamingoWoman
over a year ago

essex

"How would the staff/owners have the time to spend even 5 mins with each person coming in? Some clubs hold between 100 - 200 people at each event x"

This...as the manager at a very busy club, I and the staff do our best to to talk to people. However there is no way we can police everything that goes on and ultimately your all adults. If someone is being disrespectful in any way you as a human have the right to say no....not for me thank you or even f**k off but how ever you say it no will alway mean no!

Real work or swing world NO is the key word.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Most clubs it's pretty clear.

And honestly, why do we need a system? We just need common decency and respect, and if you can't show it, consequences.

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By *lanemikeMan
over a year ago

Bolton

Blimey, time to call in the lawyers....!! Why make something that is simple complicated...??

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By *lanemikeMan
over a year ago

Bolton

"Most clubs it's pretty clear.

And honestly, why do we need a system? We just need common decency and respect, and if you can't show it, consequences. "

Yep, go with that one....!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hello I'm just sitting here with a a female fab member have a good discussion about persistent unwanted attention in clubs.

Having personally read quite a lot from the club area of this website and general comments,

This seems to be a problem across all of the the forum posts regarding swinging clubs.

I don't understand why someone hasn't just got a night called " fun not followed".

After all any system which relies on people to be good is a bad system.

My idea:

My second thought and I don't know how impractical this is to be honest....

The idea here is that that rather than have to to get a member of staff and then find / describe the person that's harassing you which is confrontational..

I'll be really interested to hear if anyone thinks that these things would be impractical.

No means no

Persistant just tell them to go away

Respect everyone

Simples

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

the law still applies inside of a swinging club if a person decides to touch when not having permission then use the law its that simple ..but as said i normally find a loudish no thanks works everytime

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

[Removed by poster at 29/12/19 22:07:43]

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

"Put super glue into the hand jell, that’s 96% dealt with in one.

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

i think the post shows someone who has not been to clubs before.....

i wonder what has happened to adults being adult enough to alert the staff to any wrong doing.....

if people can't take a no thank you... they shouldn't be in a club in the first place....

as for wristbands.. please god no! what they do is actually just stiffle conversation.... not every hello is a pick up line! not every chat is i want to get into your pants/knickers!

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By *agermeisterMan
over a year ago

Leeds

"Honestly, the issue really isn't as bad as people make out, and all you're doing is costing the clubs more money by requiring extra staff and those wristbands which in turn will put prices up.

I think you've got the right intentions but the ideas just aren't viable.

Most clubs already warn members that no means no, if someone is going to break the rules, they will do it regardless."

Maybe not a huge problem but one incident is one too many. Any fuckery should be met with a short flight and a landing on the pavement

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By *ourayloversCouple
over a year ago

chesterfield

Must say we've not experienced this...yet

There's the odd bloke who just gawps but if you look at them they usually just look away and go about their business and I'm possibly the least scary looking bloke you'll ever meet

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley

"Honestly, the issue really isn't as bad as people make out, and all you're doing is costing the clubs more money by requiring extra staff and those wristbands which in turn will put prices up.

I think you've got the right intentions but the ideas just aren't viable.

Most clubs already warn members that no means no, if someone is going to break the rules, they will do it regardless.

Maybe not a huge problem but one incident is one too many. Any fuckery should be met with a short flight and a landing on the pavement "

If the gropers are reported they are usually removed. Alot of people don't report incidents then bitch about the club after, that achieves nothing.

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By *iberatedPairCouple
over a year ago

Suffolk

Been attending clubs for 6/7 years. Never ever had an issue. OP have you attended many clubs in this country or abroad. Has your friend.

It really is in no need of change. We attend nights where single men are allowed in and never had any issues. Socialise and chat with who you like. An stay away from

The ones you don’t want too. Simple.

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By *lanemikeMan
over a year ago

Bolton

"Must say we've not experienced this...yet

There's the odd bloke who just gawps but if you look at them they usually just look away and go about their business and I'm possibly the least scary looking bloke you'll ever meet

Agreed... Think the OP may not have too much experience of clubs.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Having personally read quite a lot from the club area of this website and general comments,

This seems to be a problem across all of the the forum posts regarding swinging clubs.

So you've not been to any clubs? Have an uninformed idea but no real idea what goes on at them and have used that as the basis to recomend how clubs could do things better? Seriously?

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By *niper oneMan
over a year ago

DERBY/Notts border

Single guys bring the money into clubs thats why they are let in 99.9% of the time.Unless the club has couples only nights which most dont single guys will always be the majority and they will follow

but i agree unwanted touching groping they should be dealt with.wristbands good idea if complaints were put in in good faith.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Solution. Tell them to sod off. If they persist talk to staff. If it's not handled, take your business elsewhere.

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By *andKBCouple
over a year ago

Plymouth

Weve only ever had it happen once, some guy seeming to think me wondering round naked was an excuse to grope me!!

Mostly people ask and take no as OK

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By *ink flamingoWoman
over a year ago

essex

"Single guys bring the money into clubs thats why they are let in 99.9% of the time.Unless the club has couples only nights which most dont single guys will always be the majority and they will follow

but i agree unwanted touching groping they should be dealt with.wristbands good idea if complaints were put in in good faith."

Nope, we have couples and single ladies night every Saturday night, this gives people the opportunity to decide for themselves.

However let’s not all get on the “single guy”’ band wagon in my experience couples can be just as guilty of forgetting that you can’t just touch anyone you like!

So if I’m I honest if someone is a pest they’re going to be a pest no matter what colour wrist band someone has on, I don’t see that stopping them.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

but i agree unwanted touching groping they should be dealt with.wristbands good idea if complaints were put in in good faith.

Nope, we have couples and single ladies night every Saturday night, this gives people the opportunity to decide for themselves.

However let’s not all get on the “single guy”’ band wagon in my experience couples can be just as guilty of forgetting that you can’t just touch anyone you like!

So if I’m I honest if someone is a pest they’re going to be a pest no matter what colour wrist band someone has on, I don’t see that stopping them."

Yup. Pests are in all demographics.

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By *he riverdeep69Couple
over a year ago

North west ish

Which clubs have you actually attended OP? I've always found that telling people 'no/back off/stop following me/get your fuckin hands off me' works. If not report to club management. If they do nothing then it's not a club I would attend again and an honest review would be given.

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

My idea:

Everybody has a small wristband with a number on it that has to be visible at all times ...

report their number to the bar staff who would then find that person's picture logged against their number and be able to go and have a word with them.

So as well as talking to everyone who comes in for 5-15 minutes the staff have to take a photo of everyone and print each one out and log their number on it ?

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By *uenevereWoman
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

My idea:

Everybody has a small wristband with a number on it that has to be visible at all times ...

report their number to the bar staff who would then find that person's picture logged against their number and be able to go and have a word with them.

So as well as talking to everyone who comes in for 5-15 minutes the staff have to take a photo of everyone and print each one out and log their number on it ?"

Completely impractical, in fact impossible to do and unnecessary.

Most people are perfectly normal and polite.

My evil stare usually sorts the rest

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

[Removed by poster at 30/12/19 12:36:14]

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By *onglegs888Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham

Whilst the sentiment is good, it’s impractical and not really needed. Swingers clubs aren’t different to any other type of entertainment venue in that they have rules, licence restrictions(sometimes) , codes of conduct, policies etc etc. And like all entertainment venues some are brilliant, some are rubbish and most are in the middle somewhere. There will always be the odd dickhead and the good clubs address it properly, the bad clubs dont. There’s also the type of club, type of evening, , clientele they are advertising too... the list is endless. Then as a customer you choose what clubs you visit . If really is as simple as that, the wheel doesnt need reinventing.

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