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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Why are people who are into bdsm so secretive and so dismissive of people who want to explore it? There are many people here like it so I don't think it's a case of "that's just how x,y,z is". So it is a closed off community to 'outsiders' who want to enter it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Prefer vhs im old school

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Haha!

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

They aren't all like it but I do agree that certain people can be extremely patronising and dismissive. We tend to keep to ourselves and explore with a few friends.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Why are people who are into bdsm so secretive and so dismissive of people who want to explore it? There are many people here like it so I don't think it's a case of "that's just how x,y,z is". So it is a closed off community to 'outsiders' who want to enter it?"

I’ve never found that to be the case to be honest.

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By *uckslut and MCouple
over a year ago

Poole

Because, so many things in Bdsm can kill you. You have to think with your brain, to be a kinkster. Not think with your knobb as most men do in swinging.

Bdsm, is ruled by safe, sane and consentual. It's a massive community, and it has to be safe guarded. One massive thing frowned on is "bullies". They have no place, and are ousted.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Totally appreciate the safety aspects. But I guess my point is everyone has to start somewhere. So how do people get involved if people within the community intentionally or unintentionally shut them out? This isn't a dog at anyone, just genuinely curious. Thanks

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Because, so many things in Bdsm can kill you. You have to think with your brain, to be a kinkster. Not think with your knobb as most men do in swinging.

Bdsm, is ruled by safe, sane and consentual. It's a massive community, and it has to be safe guarded. One massive thing frowned on is "bullies". They have no place, and are ousted. "

I don't think we're bullies but we've found people to be extremely unwelcoming and patronising. We have also found people who are happy to answer questions, educate and advise without assuming we're daft. We tend to stick with them

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Because, so many things in Bdsm can kill you. You have to think with your brain, to be a kinkster. Not think with your knobb as most men do in swinging.

Bdsm, is ruled by safe, sane and consentual. It's a massive community, and it has to be safe guarded. One massive thing frowned on is "bullies". They have no place, and are ousted.

I don't think we're bullies but we've found people to be extremely unwelcoming and patronising. We have also found people who are happy to answer questions, educate and advise without assuming we're daft. We tend to stick with them"

Exactly my point

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Totally appreciate the safety aspects. But I guess my point is everyone has to start somewhere. So how do people get involved if people within the community intentionally or unintentionally shut them out? This isn't a dog at anyone, just genuinely curious. Thanks"

Go to local munches if you can, often the people there are very inclusive. Get yourself clued up by reading some non fiction on the subject, chat to people and if they just dismiss you move on to someone who doesn't. Talk to people on line who are happy to educate too

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Totally appreciate the safety aspects. But I guess my point is everyone has to start somewhere. So how do people get involved if people within the community intentionally or unintentionally shut them out? This isn't a dog at anyone, just genuinely curious. Thanks

Go to local munches if you can, often the people there are very inclusive. Get yourself clued up by reading some non fiction on the subject, chat to people and if they just dismiss you move on to someone who doesn't. Talk to people on line who are happy to educate too "

Thank you for this

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Because, so many things in Bdsm can kill you. You have to think with your brain, to be a kinkster. Not think with your knobb as most men do in swinging.

Bdsm, is ruled by safe, sane and consentual. It's a massive community, and it has to be safe guarded. One massive thing frowned on is "bullies". They have no place, and are ousted.

I don't think we're bullies but we've found people to be extremely unwelcoming and patronising. We have also found people who are happy to answer questions, educate and advise without assuming we're daft. We tend to stick with them

Exactly my point "

It's easy to be put off by people who are unwelcoming and make assumptions. There's a lot to learn, you don't know what all the acronyms stand for, what certain phrases mean etc and someone who genuinely welcomes new people will tell you without patronising you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Totally appreciate the safety aspects. But I guess my point is everyone has to start somewhere. So how do people get involved if people within the community intentionally or unintentionally shut them out? This isn't a dog at anyone, just genuinely curious. Thanks"

Could be because many of the terms used are used widely in all aspects; someone who sees themselves as dominant simply because they like the control in bed isn't actually a dominant in many of the more lifestyle circles for example. For me, I do not like the blind who only wish to see for a moment - I don't go out of my way to be ignorant about it but I don't babysit people either given they have the internet, and very well established websites, dedicated to learning for yourself.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Because, so many things in Bdsm can kill you. You have to think with your brain, to be a kinkster. Not think with your knobb as most men do in swinging.

Bdsm, is ruled by safe, sane and consentual. It's a massive community, and it has to be safe guarded. One massive thing frowned on is "bullies". They have no place, and are ousted.

I don't think we're bullies but we've found people to be extremely unwelcoming and patronising. We have also found people who are happy to answer questions, educate and advise without assuming we're daft. We tend to stick with them

Exactly my point

It's easy to be put off by people who are unwelcoming and make assumptions. There's a lot to learn, you don't know what all the acronyms stand for, what certain phrases mean etc and someone who genuinely welcomes new people will tell you without patronising you."

I would certainly hope so xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Totally appreciate the safety aspects. But I guess my point is everyone has to start somewhere. So how do people get involved if people within the community intentionally or unintentionally shut them out? This isn't a dog at anyone, just genuinely curious. Thanks

Could be because many of the terms used are used widely in all aspects; someone who sees themselves as dominant simply because they like the control in bed isn't actually a dominant in many of the more lifestyle circles for example. For me, I do not like the blind who only wish to see for a moment - I don't go out of my way to be ignorant about it but I don't babysit people either given they have the internet, and very well established websites, dedicated to learning for yourself. "

That's a fair point - but I guess that raises the issue of theory v practice. Those who have experienced it are best placed to advise or educate on it in a practical way that a book or website can't give you x

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Have you got any non fiction books on the subject? I recommend "Screw The Roses Send Me The Thorns"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"One massive thing frowned on is "bullies". They have no place, and are ousted. "

That's a fucking joke...

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Have you got any non fiction books on the subject? I recommend "Screw The Roses Send Me The Thorns" "

I haven't actually. I shall have a look. Thanks xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

That's a fair point - but I guess that raises the issue of theory v practice. Those who have experienced it are best placed to advise or educate on it in a practical way that a book or website can't give you x"

Part of learning for yourself is also learning how to find teachers, and events that practice those very experiences through munches, events, training opportunities, and private 1 on 1 sessions.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Have you got any non fiction books on the subject? I recommend "Screw The Roses Send Me The Thorns"

I haven't actually. I shall have a look. Thanks xx"
what

It at least gives you an idea of what some of the acronyms mean and also makes you realise you aren't alone.

Good luck, enjoy the ride

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By *hMyGawdCouple
over a year ago

Midlands

For us we find it really dull talking to others about it, because 95% of women just sleepwalk into the sub role, ditto men sleepwalk into the dom role. Neither of which interest us.

It's a shame it isn't more of a 50/50 split.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"

That's a fair point - but I guess that raises the issue of theory v practice. Those who have experienced it are best placed to advise or educate on it in a practical way that a book or website can't give you x

Part of learning for yourself is also learning how to find teachers, and events that practice those very experiences through munches, events, training opportunities, and private 1 on 1 sessions. "

Nobody can learn without guidance of being pointed in the right direction. Nobody learns well if people patronise when they don't know something or tell them they should already know it.

We learned the most from a couple who had been in a D/s relationship for years and happily met us for coffee.

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By *inkyman1964Man
over a year ago

Stoke-on-Trent


"Totally appreciate the safety aspects. But I guess my point is everyone has to start somewhere. So how do people get involved if people within the community intentionally or unintentionally shut them out? This isn't a dog at anyone, just genuinely curious. Thanks"

Go along to a local Munch or Fetish Event and meet others already into the scene.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

There are threads eg on daddy kink a few days ago, where the discussion got a bit out of hand. And without an understanding talking on the forums about impact play for example can come across as abuse to those who don't understand.

Also we get numerous messages of people who claim to be Dom's and once questioned they don't have a clue. Though how you worded a message would be a big factor in whether I would respond or not. Hope that makes a bit of sense

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"

That's a fair point - but I guess that raises the issue of theory v practice. Those who have experienced it are best placed to advise or educate on it in a practical way that a book or website can't give you x

Part of learning for yourself is also learning how to find teachers, and events that practice those very experiences through munches, events, training opportunities, and private 1 on 1 sessions. "

Thanks xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Have you got any non fiction books on the subject? I recommend "Screw The Roses Send Me The Thorns"

I haven't actually. I shall have a look. Thanks xxwhat

It at least gives you an idea of what some of the acronyms mean and also makes you realise you aren't alone.

Good luck, enjoy the ride "

Thanks xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"For us we find it really dull talking to others about it, because 95% of women just sleepwalk into the sub role, ditto men sleepwalk into the dom role. Neither of which interest us.

It's a shame it isn't more of a 50/50 split."

Fair point

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"

That's a fair point - but I guess that raises the issue of theory v practice. Those who have experienced it are best placed to advise or educate on it in a practical way that a book or website can't give you x

Part of learning for yourself is also learning how to find teachers, and events that practice those very experiences through munches, events, training opportunities, and private 1 on 1 sessions.

Nobody can learn without guidance of being pointed in the right direction. Nobody learns well if people patronise when they don't know something or tell them they should already know it.

We learned the most from a couple who had been in a D/s relationship for years and happily met us for coffee."

Exactly this xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Totally appreciate the safety aspects. But I guess my point is everyone has to start somewhere. So how do people get involved if people within the community intentionally or unintentionally shut them out? This isn't a dog at anyone, just genuinely curious. Thanks

Go along to a local Munch or Fetish Event and meet others already into the scene."

Is there somewhere I can find out about these events? xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"There are threads eg on daddy kink a few days ago, where the discussion got a bit out of hand. And without an understanding talking on the forums about impact play for example can come across as abuse to those who don't understand.

Also we get numerous messages of people who claim to be Dom's and once questioned they don't have a clue. Though how you worded a message would be a big factor in whether I would respond or not. Hope that makes a bit of sense "

It does thank you. I would certainly never claim to know about it. And I'd like to think I'm respectful if shown respect too xx

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Totally appreciate the safety aspects. But I guess my point is everyone has to start somewhere. So how do people get involved if people within the community intentionally or unintentionally shut them out? This isn't a dog at anyone, just genuinely curious. Thanks

Go along to a local Munch or Fetish Event and meet others already into the scene.

Is there somewhere I can find out about these events? xx"

There's a website but links aren't allowed in the forum.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land


"There are threads eg on daddy kink a few days ago, where the discussion got a bit out of hand. And without an understanding talking on the forums about impact play for example can come across as abuse to those who don't understand.

Also we get numerous messages of people who claim to be Dom's and once questioned they don't have a clue. Though how you worded a message would be a big factor in whether I would respond or not. Hope that makes a bit of sense

It does thank you. I would certainly never claim to know about it. And I'd like to think I'm respectful if shown respect too xx"

Maybe this site isn't the best one for answering the questions you're asking.

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By *lease300Woman
over a year ago

merthyr

As above says try reading up and most folk are open to questions if you are serious. I guess we get bored of the 'do as I say' lot that think that makes them a Dom lol.

Also as above folk don't take this lightly due to safety aspect on the side of both D or s xx

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By *euschMan
over a year ago

peterborough

I’m very much into it, never been closed about it, happy to answer questions based on my own experience. Perhaps you are just asking the wrong questions to the wrong people

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

I like to think I am neither. Though you do get a lot of "one true way"ism in the community. Sadly especially from older, male Doms who seem to want to scare off any younger male Dominants or don't like that young, female submissives sometimes prefer to date people their own age. That's not exclusive to BDSM though. You get chest beating in all sorts of communities of people.

Some older, more experienced players are truly lovely and happy to share their knowledge with new people. However they are not obliged to do so.

Something that annoys me often is when new people contact me expecting me to "show them the ropes" or hold their hand and attend events or munchs with them. I'm always happy to say hi to anyone new at any event or munch I attend but the expectation that I will go out of my way to accompany a complete stranger is a little entitled in my opinion. I'm happy to point someone in the right direction of their local munchs of the best events to attend as a new person but I'm not a free guide. I too had to pluck up the courage to get on a train for an hour and walk into a room of kinksters on my own a number of years ago so I get how scary it can be but I also wouldn't expect excessive emotional labour from strangers. I'm not saying you have asked for any of these things, I'm just trying to shed some light on why people may be a little jaded in this area.

As other have suggested, your local munch would be a great starting place and if you attend regularly you should make a few friends that go to the local events so you would have some familiar faces there too. If you look up the events on another social media site for kinksters you can find who the organisers of the munch are and drop them a quick message to say you will be attending for the first time and they will usually keep an eye out for you. There is also usually groups for the the munch where you could post to say you will be attending for the first time and wanted to say a quick hi.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"As above says try reading up and most folk are open to questions if you are serious. I guess we get bored of the 'do as I say' lot that think that makes them a Dom lol.

Also as above folk don't take this lightly due to safety aspect on the side of both D or s xx"

Totally appreciate that xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I’m very much into it, never been closed about it, happy to answer questions based on my own experience. Perhaps you are just asking the wrong questions to the wrong people "

Indeed! Thanks

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I like to think I am neither. Though you do get a lot of "one true way"ism in the community. Sadly especially from older, male Doms who seem to want to scare off any younger male Dominants or don't like that young, female submissives sometimes prefer to date people their own age. That's not exclusive to BDSM though. You get chest beating in all sorts of communities of people.

Some older, more experienced players are truly lovely and happy to share their knowledge with new people. However they are not obliged to do so.

Something that annoys me often is when new people contact me expecting me to "show them the ropes" or hold their hand and attend events or munchs with them. I'm always happy to say hi to anyone new at any event or munch I attend but the expectation that I will go out of my way to accompany a complete stranger is a little entitled in my opinion. I'm happy to point someone in the right direction of their local munchs of the best events to attend as a new person but I'm not a free guide. I too had to pluck up the courage to get on a train for an hour and walk into a room of kinksters on my own a number of years ago so I get how scary it can be but I also wouldn't expect excessive emotional labour from strangers. I'm not saying you have asked for any of these things, I'm just trying to shed some light on why people may be a little jaded in this area.

As other have suggested, your local munch would be a great starting place and if you attend regularly you should make a few friends that go to the local events so you would have some familiar faces there too. If you look up the events on another social media site for kinksters you can find who the organisers of the munch are and drop them a quick message to say you will be attending for the first time and they will usually keep an eye out for you. There is also usually groups for the the munch where you could post to say you will be attending for the first time and wanted to say a quick hi."

Thanks for taking the time to send me this. Appreciated xx

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By *uckslut and MCouple
over a year ago

Poole


"Totally appreciate the safety aspects. But I guess my point is everyone has to start somewhere. So how do people get involved if people within the community intentionally or unintentionally shut them out? This isn't a dog at anyone, just genuinely curious. Thanks"

Munch. You need to attend your local munch. You then find out how your local community works. You will make freinds with kninksters and get invites to play parties ect.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve been on the scene on and off for 3 years.

I’m in the process of networking with the community and that has helped improve my understanding and meet people to explore and play with.

I concur the BDSM community can be offish, but no different to any other subculture to be fair .

I’m based in London and if anyone wants to attend any munches , feel free to message me. Or I can suggest the ‘good’ munches to attend.

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By *lease300Woman
over a year ago

merthyr

Unfortunately wales is hardly the place as I always have to travel unless of course I start my own x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Totally appreciate the safety aspects. But I guess my point is everyone has to start somewhere. So how do people get involved if people within the community intentionally or unintentionally shut them out? This isn't a dog at anyone, just genuinely curious. Thanks

Munch. You need to attend your local munch. You then find out how your local community works. You will make freinds with kninksters and get invites to play parties ect. "

I'll look for it. Thanks xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I’ve been on the scene on and off for 3 years.

I’m in the process of networking with the community and that has helped improve my understanding and meet people to explore and play with.

I concur the BDSM community can be offish, but no different to any other subculture to be fair .

I’m based in London and if anyone wants to attend any munches , feel free to message me. Or I can suggest the ‘good’ munches to attend."

Thanks

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Unfortunately wales is hardly the place as I always have to travel unless of course I start my own x"

Now there's an idea... xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Why are people who are into bdsm so secretive and so dismissive of people who want to explore it? There are many people here like it so I don't think it's a case of "that's just how x,y,z is". So it is a closed off community to 'outsiders' who want to enter it?"

I suspect and this is only my humble opinion that a certain grey film has a lot to do with this and how its made it "popular" so i think a lot of people will try to guard it and keep it "pure" so it doesnt get watered down by people who just fancy trying it.

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By *lease300Woman
over a year ago

merthyr


"Why are people who are into bdsm so secretive and so dismissive of people who want to explore it? There are many people here like it so I don't think it's a case of "that's just how x,y,z is". So it is a closed off community to 'outsiders' who want to enter it?

I suspect and this is only my humble opinion that a certain grey film has a lot to do with this and how its made it "popular" so i think a lot of people will try to guard it and keep it "pure" so it doesnt get watered down by people who just fancy trying it."

Indeed x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Why are people who are into bdsm so secretive and so dismissive of people who want to explore it? There are many people here like it so I don't think it's a case of "that's just how x,y,z is". So it is a closed off community to 'outsiders' who want to enter it?

I suspect and this is only my humble opinion that a certain grey film has a lot to do with this and how its made it "popular" so i think a lot of people will try to guard it and keep it "pure" so it doesnt get watered down by people who just fancy trying it."

Quite possible (not why I'm interested though)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Why are people who are into bdsm so secretive and so dismissive of people who want to explore it? There are many people here like it so I don't think it's a case of "that's just how x,y,z is". So it is a closed off community to 'outsiders' who want to enter it?

I suspect and this is only my humble opinion that a certain grey film has a lot to do with this and how its made it "popular" so i think a lot of people will try to guard it and keep it "pure" so it doesnt get watered down by people who just fancy trying it.

Quite possible (not why I'm interested though) "

Ooh shit, my apolgies i didnt mean to imply that.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Why are people who are into bdsm so secretive and so dismissive of people who want to explore it? There are many people here like it so I don't think it's a case of "that's just how x,y,z is". So it is a closed off community to 'outsiders' who want to enter it?

I suspect and this is only my humble opinion that a certain grey film has a lot to do with this and how its made it "popular" so i think a lot of people will try to guard it and keep it "pure" so it doesnt get watered down by people who just fancy trying it.

Quite possible (not why I'm interested though)

Ooh shit, my apolgies i didnt mean to imply that."
It's ok lol

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By *ssex_tomMan
over a year ago

Chelmsford

Most munches and events are listed on the fet site by town, city or area. I have not read the grey books to be fair but I have always found the people a friendly bunch. Treat them all with respect and they will respect you.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Most munches and events are listed on the fet site by town, city or area. I have not read the grey books to be fair but I have always found the people a friendly bunch. Treat them all with respect and they will respect you. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Totally appreciate the safety aspects. But I guess my point is everyone has to start somewhere. So how do people get involved if people within the community intentionally or unintentionally shut them out? This isn't a dog at anyone, just genuinely curious. Thanks

Could be because many of the terms used are used widely in all aspects; someone who sees themselves as dominant simply because they like the control in bed isn't actually a dominant in many of the more lifestyle circles for example. For me, I do not like the blind who only wish to see for a moment - I don't go out of my way to be ignorant about it but I don't babysit people either given they have the internet, and very well established websites, dedicated to learning for yourself.

That's a fair point - but I guess that raises the issue of theory v practice. Those who have experienced it are best placed to advise or educate on it in a practical way that a book or website can't give you x"

Correct...

If you are serious about this way!

I advise you to go to a club that has events on! I started by being invited to private parties in my early twenties - but only because people already knew me on a personal level.

Its taken me three years to trust a guy I've met a few times. For him to get a little taste of my kink/bdsm mind. TRUST is the main issue and the other issue is taking anyone you don't know seriously on a site like this! There are too many chancers on here. So socially in my mind, that's the key first! So people can see you're taking it seriously!

Hope that helps!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I do see a lot of profiles from Wales, who are into kink!

Where do they all go for their bdsm kick.

Worth asking those profiles x

Good luck x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Totally appreciate the safety aspects. But I guess my point is everyone has to start somewhere. So how do people get involved if people within the community intentionally or unintentionally shut them out? This isn't a dog at anyone, just genuinely curious. Thanks

Could be because many of the terms used are used widely in all aspects; someone who sees themselves as dominant simply because they like the control in bed isn't actually a dominant in many of the more lifestyle circles for example. For me, I do not like the blind who only wish to see for a moment - I don't go out of my way to be ignorant about it but I don't babysit people either given they have the internet, and very well established websites, dedicated to learning for yourself.

That's a fair point - but I guess that raises the issue of theory v practice. Those who have experienced it are best placed to advise or educate on it in a practical way that a book or website can't give you x

Correct...

If you are serious about this way!

I advise you to go to a club that has events on! I started by being invited to private parties in my early twenties - but only because people already knew me on a personal level.

Its taken me three years to trust a guy I've met a few times. For him to get a little taste of my kink/bdsm mind. TRUST is the main issue and the other issue is taking anyone you don't know seriously on a site like this! There are too many chancers on here. So socially in my mind, that's the key first! So people can see you're taking it seriously!

Hope that helps! "

It does, thank you x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Totally appreciate the safety aspects. But I guess my point is everyone has to start somewhere. So how do people get involved if people within the community intentionally or unintentionally shut them out? This isn't a dog at anyone, just genuinely curious. Thanks

Munch. You need to attend your local munch. You then find out how your local community works. You will make freinds with kninksters and get invites to play parties ect. "

Is there a local munch in our area (Bournemouth/Poole). Great if you could send me the details. Thanks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It depends on what you are looking for too! So many different aspects and scenarios. I always enjoyed watching bdsm porn and thought it would be great to be in charge. I was so wrong as I wasnt quite up to it when meeting a friend to play with. Ended up with me being the sub and its a whole lot better for me being that and having fun than not being in charge properly. All depends on the situation and who you are with. Go in with an open mind and enjoy it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"It depends on what you are looking for too! So many different aspects and scenarios. I always enjoyed watching bdsm porn and thought it would be great to be in charge. I was so wrong as I wasnt quite up to it when meeting a friend to play with. Ended up with me being the sub and its a whole lot better for me being that and having fun than not being in charge properly. All depends on the situation and who you are with. Go in with an open mind and enjoy it. "

Thanks

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By *ocks99Man
over a year ago

Reading

Strangelynormal has a good event listing/guide for the uk

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By *mnipotent_BehemothMan
over a year ago

near Merry Hill shopping centre


"I do see a lot of profiles from Wales, who are into kink!

Where do they all go for their bdsm kick.

Worth asking those profiles x

Good luck x"

Many years ago the Klink in Newport was great fun but that’s been gone a long time the cells made a great dungeon. Sadly I haven’t been playing in that part of the world since.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Strangelynormal has a good event listing/guide for the uk"

Thanks I'll check it out

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I do see a lot of profiles from Wales, who are into kink!

Where do they all go for their bdsm kick.

Worth asking those profiles x

Good luck x

Many years ago the Klink in Newport was great fun but that’s been gone a long time the cells made a great dungeon. Sadly I haven’t been playing in that part of the world since."

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By *eastAndTheHarlotCouple
over a year ago

Hartlepool

We're not all bad. Beast and I are happy to talk, explain and teach. As you said, we all start somewhere.

Weve even spent time teaching people how to spank/whip/flog properly. Just basic things to have a little fun with to see if it's something they wanted to explore further. We've taught people about delayed pleasure and sensory play as well because it's not all about pain.

We get a lot of questions about the ddlg aspect of our relationship to so we're kinda used to it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"We're not all bad. Beast and I are happy to talk, explain and teach. As you said, we all start somewhere.

Weve even spent time teaching people how to spank/whip/flog properly. Just basic things to have a little fun with to see if it's something they wanted to explore further. We've taught people about delayed pleasure and sensory play as well because it's not all about pain.

We get a lot of questions about the ddlg aspect of our relationship to so we're kinda used to it. "

Thank you xx

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

Starting with the original questions,

"Why are people secretive?", some are, some are not. Generally the vanilla swingers tend to think something is wrong with kink and therefore could be seen as a negative point when trying to meet people, (particularly for single men) therefore it would not be put on the profile. For women they do not want to attract the wrong kind of people (usually single men).

"Why are they dismissive?" It tends to be where a man (usually new to kink) presents himself as a "master" or "dominant " and expects automatic obedience or submission. There are certain women on here that rip them a new one, and men that follow suit.

Others try to be proactive and set out the parameters to show the "master" where they are are going wrong in their approach and attitude.

I find there are some on here that are into BDSM that see their own way as the only way. Which makes discussion on certain topics incendiary.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Op, if you are looking for a great non fiction book that will clarify things very well about the D/s side of BDSM, I can really recommend a book called 'The loving dominant'

I forgot who by but its easily found.. Hope it helps.. Of course it will only cover a microscopic area of BDSM... D/s..

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By *wickermanMan
over a year ago

Staines

If somebody has invested their time, money and energy in gaining skills they may feel reticent to share those with you for free. Some may remember the generosity of others when they were new and wish to give similarly to others. These people will be open and encouraging and are the ones to seek out.

If your interested in rope play then seek out local peer rope groups.

For impact play you similarly will find local spanking or CP groups.

I would suggest you look at either LAM in London or BBB in Birmingham as a fun day out as it will give you a fun day out, chance to observe others and free workshops to attend.

Posting both here and on those fet markets threads on FL may enable you to socialise with others and start to build contacts. The BDSM scene tends to value those who show endeavour.

Finally, I would advise not expecting anything sexual as for many BDSMers sex is not the primary focus.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Many thanks all

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By *ssex_tomMan
over a year ago

Chelmsford

One last point... If you are a bullshitter the community will sniff you out before you can say Miss Whiplash

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By *mnipotent_BehemothMan
over a year ago

near Merry Hill shopping centre


"One last point... If you are a bullshitter the community will sniff you out before you can say Miss Whiplash "

Very true the word warning people off soon spreads

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"For us we find it really dull talking to others about it, because 95% of women just sleepwalk into the sub role, ditto men sleepwalk into the dom role. Neither of which interest us.

It's a shame it isn't more of a 50/50 split."

Yes!! It's extremely frustrating.

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By *ssex_tomMan
over a year ago

Chelmsford

I am not sure that's true. I think many women naturally gravitate to the role.. but who has the real power.. not the Dom. A good Dom works with the subs limits. Only in my opinion. The sub therefore holds the real power. A person who pushes those limits well beyond those agreed is a sadist in my opinion who is only interested in self gratification and those people have no place in BDSM and are dangerous. But hey. Only my opinion.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"One last point... If you are a bullshitter the community will sniff you out before you can say Miss Whiplash "

Lol well I'm not

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