FabSwingers.com forum: Cheesey profiles

By *ue care and attention OP Woman
over a year ago

birmingham

Ok, following on from the perfect profile thread, let's really rip the p now with the cheesiest lines in a profile, in no particular order.

I don't bite, well only if you ask!

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By *ue care and attention OP Woman
over a year ago

birmingham

Can lick pussy for hours...zzzzzzzzzz

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can breathe through my ears

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can Last for hours

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

genuine... always turn up for meets

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By *ue care and attention OP Woman
over a year ago

birmingham

Not bothered by looks so will meet women of any shape, size or colour!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

the line i always hate to see in a profile is

see verifications

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I can Last for hours"

really? when you free?

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham

disease and drug free...if i hadnt read that i would have met the stoner with syphilis who messaged me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Will cook own meal for us and do the washing up

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 11/04/12 00:56:39]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I can Last for hours

really? when you free?

all day every day at the moment

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"disease and drug free...if i hadnt read that i would have met the stoner with syphilis who messaged me"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"disease and drug free...if i hadnt read that i would have met the stoner with syphilis who messaged me

I just find that so funny

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No point in putting a serious profile up your only hope as a guy is to make people smile.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No point in putting a serious profile up your only hope as a guy is to make people smile.

thats true that

if i read a profile and it dont make me at least smile once i dont message them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No point in putting a serious profile up your only hope as a guy is to make people smile.

thats true that

if i read a profile and it dont make me at least smile once i dont message them"

Im in with a chance then lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No point in putting a serious profile up your only hope as a guy is to make people smile.

thats true that

if i read a profile and it dont make me at least smile once i dont message them

Im in with a chance then lol"

didnt read your i shall go have a nose now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

oh no your well out of my league

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By *ue care and attention OP Woman
over a year ago

birmingham

"oh no your well out of my league

Aww how sweet, bet him mum wrote that. And so modest too lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I can Last for hours

really? when you free?

According to your profile im to old

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ahhhhh bugger, I thought this was a thread about that lovely crisp like snack.... Long live the cheesy wotsit

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I can Last for hours

really? when you free?

According to your profile im to old

according to your profile you after bi women

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

At the risk of blowing my own trumpey slightly I must say that I reckon my profile aint a bad one really

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"At the risk of blowing my own trumpey slightly I must say that I reckon my profile aint a bad one really"

you took a risk.....it didnt pay off lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"At the risk of blowing my own trumpey slightly I must say that I reckon my profile aint a bad one really

you took a risk.....it didnt pay off lol"

haha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What I find amusing are the profiles where people haven't got verifications yet and type out statements about themselves that others have supposedly said and been received from other sites.

Like who is seriously gonna believe that. They never write 'this guy was rude and abusive and banned from the site, hence why here'.

It reminds me of the quotes written on novels supposedly from other more successful authors

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm a heavy cummer = cheesy

* cReEpS rOunD cRyPt * -l-

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 11/04/12 06:26:23]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't know about cheesiest but:

1) Magic code words/phrases to put in your first message. They are usually really dull as well. If your going to do it, pick something unique like "Izzy Whizzy Lets Get Jizzy"

2) Long rants about how they get so much pointless mail; or just long ranty profiles in general stating how shit everything is.

3) Profiles which set out the exact details of what you have to do just to have a chance of getting your mail read (never mind replied to). You know "Please have a recent photo of yourself taken with a copy of the Siberian Times from March 12th 1847, include our favourite bible verse in the subject header (we are not telling you what it is though) and please write your message in perfect Arabic (any errors in syntax or spelling will result in immediate deletion of your message)"

4) The use of the terms VWE and VVWE without actually specifying any sizes. Sorry to disappoint, but there is no Si unit of measurement for VWE / VVWE. What's your basis for comparison - mines the average male gorilla; so by comparison I'm hung like a wild stallion

5) Where people ask that to have any chance of meeting you must agree to turn up with stuff. You know, like two perfectly chilled bottles of Riesling from the Rhine Valley, a packet of assorted mints, a takeaway meal for two and a copy of the Peoples friend.

6) Profiles which state that a sub-section of the swinging community is akin to 'enemy combatants' or 'domestic terrorists' and should be treated as such.

7) Profiles that bang on (at great length) about 'must use condoms' (usually having 'SAFE SEX' in capitals) only to feature pictures of someone getting filled by an array of different cocks plus a genitals shot featuring an overflow of "DNA Soup"

8) "NO SINGLE MEN" repeated 10 times over, in capitals. Then you look at their preferences and it says they meet men between the ages of 18 to 99 and have a string of verifications longer than the New Testament - all from men.

9) Profiles which state that you must send a picture with every message, you must send a face pic with first message, you will have clear cock shots with each message, you will have a photo of your left testicle next to a satsuma.

However they have no public or friends only pictures.

10) Cannot Accommodate & Cannot Travel. So if your not in walking distance, you have no chance. Either than or its a plea for a free taxi service - "Oooh would you mind stopping in at ADSA in your way back, we just need to do the weekly shop. You don't mind waiting do you?"

---

* The average male gorilla has a penis size of 1.5 inches.

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By *lam rockerMan
over a year ago

Tain

thats true that

if i read a profile and it dont make me at least smile once i dont message them"
I have no chance then! lol

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By *ue care and attention OP Woman
over a year ago

birmingham

"I don't know about cheesiest but:

1) Magic code words/phrases to put in your first message. They are usually really dull as well. If your going to do it, pick something unique like "Izzy Whizzy Lets Get Jizzy"

2) Long rants about how they get so much pointless mail; or just long ranty profiles in general stating how shit everything is.

6) Profiles which state that a sub-section of the swinging community is akin to 'enemy combatants' or 'domestic terrorists' and should be treated as such.

However they have no public or friends only pictures.

---

* The average male gorilla has a penis size of 1.5 inches."

Wow, bet you feel better now that's off your chest!

You forgot,...we can't accommodate so you must pay for a 5* hotel!

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By *ridgestockCouple
over a year ago

derby

"I don't know about cheesiest but:

1) Magic code words/phrases to put in your first message. They are usually really dull as well. If your going to do it, pick something unique like "Izzy Whizzy Lets Get Jizzy"

2) Long rants about how they get so much pointless mail; or just long ranty profiles in general stating how shit everything is.

6) Profiles which state that a sub-section of the swinging community is akin to 'enemy combatants' or 'domestic terrorists' and should be treated as such.

However they have no public or friends only pictures.

---

* The average male gorilla has a penis size of 1.5 inches."
well said alot of truth in that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wow, bet you feel better now that's off your chest!

You forgot,...we can't accommodate so you must pay for a 5* hotel!"

Are there 5* hotels that rent rooms by the hour - because any longer than that and I'd be worn out

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hate profiles where the couple or person state on it that they are good looking/attractive. As far as am concerned "its each to their own" with looks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 11/04/12 10:42:18]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't know about cheesiest but:

1) Magic code words/phrases to put in your first message. They are usually really dull as well. If your going to do it, pick something unique like "Izzy Whizzy Lets Get Jizzy"

2) Long rants about how they get so much pointless mail; or just long ranty profiles in general stating how shit everything is.

6) Profiles which state that a sub-section of the swinging community is akin to 'enemy combatants' or 'domestic terrorists' and should be treated as such.

However they have no public or friends only pictures.

---

* The average male gorilla has a penis size of 1.5 inches."

This post has made my morning, i laughed so hard at all the truth and fact in it! It's amazing that some of these profiles with 2000 words of criteria to meet actually get any meets at all, but they do, and generally with people who dont meet the criteria! Anyway well done poster.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

haha ive been offered meets to turn up with gifts for the lady,

one wanted a litre bottle of smirnoff, the mr said you turn up, drop the drink off and she sucks you to completion.

then said they seeing someone soon so come in 45 minututes.

my first thoughts was are they serious, it sounded like they were having a party to me and the mrs was sucking people off to get everything they needed hahaha.

i just text back i think its a bit of a strange arrangement i dont think im going to come down to be honest haha

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By *ue care and attention OP Woman
over a year ago

birmingham

"haha ive been offered meets to turn up with gifts for the lady,

one wanted a litre bottle of smirnoff, the mr said you turn up, drop the drink off and she sucks you to completion.

then said they seeing someone soon so come in 45 minututes.

my first thoughts was are they serious, it sounded like they were having a party to me and the mrs was sucking people off to get everything they needed hahaha.

i just text back i think its a bit of a strange arrangement i dont think im going to come down to be honest haha "

That was a message, what about cheesy profiles?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"my first thoughts was are they serious, it sounded like they were having a party to me and the mrs was sucking people off to get everything they needed hahaha.

You were unlucky, guy after you only had to bring the cheesy wotsits

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 11/04/12 12:10:34]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I can Last for hours

really? when you free?

Well I have 15 minutes to spare on......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"haha ive been offered meets to turn up with gifts for the lady,

one wanted a litre bottle of smirnoff, the mr said you turn up, drop the drink off and she sucks you to completion.

then said they seeing someone soon so come in 45 minututes.

my first thoughts was are they serious, it sounded like they were having a party to me and the mrs was sucking people off to get everything they needed hahaha.

i just text back i think its a bit of a strange arrangement i dont think im going to come down to be honest haha

That was a message, what about cheesy profiles?"

i know but his point 5 made me think of that haha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You were unlucky, guy after you only had to bring the cheesy wotsits

i wouldnt share my cheesey wotsits with complete strangers anyways what type of guy do you think i am

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By *oonytoonMan
over a year ago

derby

"I don't know about cheesiest but:

1) Magic code words/phrases to put in your first message. They are usually really dull as well. If your going to do it, pick something unique like "Izzy Whizzy Lets Get Jizzy"

2) Long rants about how they get so much pointless mail; or just long ranty profiles in general stating how shit everything is.

6) Profiles which state that a sub-section of the swinging community is akin to 'enemy combatants' or 'domestic terrorists' and should be treated as such.

However they have no public or friends only pictures.

---

* The average male gorilla has a penis size of 1.5 inches."

absolute quality and so so true I especially love the pure demanding profiles that say nothing about the person/s obviously on the hope they will come across that hot couple or single suitable for the cat walk that is experienced in everything, doesn't mind turning up in a bugatti veron and will only do what you want them to do humbly but domineering at the same time (cos that's what the mrs wants and that's what she ll get) all usually said from there exclusive non accomodating residence, and then shock horror with requirements and personalities resembling the aryien race of the 40s they update to rant even more how they've been let down or getting to many messages from people pretending to be what there looking for

And the spelling thing....what's all that about its not mensa if u can read and understand what is being said then surely the purpose of the message is fulfilled

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"haha ive been offered meets to turn up with gifts for the lady,

one wanted a litre bottle of smirnoff, the mr said you turn up, drop the drink off and she sucks you to completion.

then said they seeing someone soon so come in 45 minututes.

my first thoughts was are they serious, it sounded like they were having a party to me and the mrs was sucking people off to get everything they needed hahaha.

i just text back i think its a bit of a strange arrangement i dont think im going to come down to be honest haha "

Wonder if that was the same people that used to stipulate 'Two bottles of £6+ minimum 12% alcohol red wine' as a gift in return for a BJ to completion.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Those without a Tertiary Education need not apply

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't know about cheesiest but:

1) Magic code words/phrases to put in your first message. They are usually really dull as well. If your going to do it, pick something unique like "Izzy Whizzy Lets Get Jizzy"

2) Long rants about how they get so much pointless mail; or just long ranty profiles in general stating how shit everything is.

6) Profiles which state that a sub-section of the swinging community is akin to 'enemy combatants' or 'domestic terrorists' and should be treated as such.

However they have no public or friends only pictures.

---

* The average male gorilla has a penis size of 1.5 inches."

Ha ha ha I absolutely love this post. It is light-hearted but factual and 100% accurate.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wont say who but there is a couple on here that keep trying to arrange meets but you have to take a bottle of baileys

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Gd afternoon all,

Reading this makes me think that maybe my Profile is as cheesy as a ..............Wotsit?

I know Ive not plucked up the courage to put pix yet, but please be honest folks, How does my profile sound? Msg me back, oh and please remember 'Words Hurt'!!

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By *obinhood-maidmarionCouple
over a year ago

Near Birmingham

the parts of profiles we dislike.

Single bi female profile but will only play with her partner or fuck buddy..... get a couples profile then dipshits!

profiles where they cant put pictures up "because of work commitments" load of shit, if someone spots you on here then they are here for the same reason.

When someone states they are not prejudice towards anyone, which means they will fuck anything regardless of connection.

And the one we hate is bbw! Now before we get an absolut lashing, we understand BBW stands for big beautiful women, regardless of wether we thing they are absolute monsters or beautiful, why on earth do they advertise BBW. You never get SBW (slim beautiful women) or FBM (fit beautiful man) or MBW (medium beautiful women)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh I almost forgot...............

'I will F**K for food!!'

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"When someone states they are not prejudice towards anyone, which means they will fuck anything regardless of connection."

Nothing wrong with that! I'm an equal opportunity shagger.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Those without a Tertiary Education need not apply

You mean I shouldn't be asking people what class of degree they got??

Damnation...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Has to disagree with you Robin/Marion, there are a few ladies that put other abbreviations in their profiles. Ob. Im not goin to name them but go look for yourselves lol

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"I wont say who but there is a couple on here that keep trying to arrange meets but you have to take a bottle of baileys"

I often wonder if I'm missing a trick here. If people put this sort of thing on their profile then the people they meet obviously bring the stuff they want. I could do with a new kitchen and bathroom suite. Wonder if I can get away with that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Also has to add.................

' Will LICK then f**k Pussy or Pussies until they multipul orgasm and squirt their cum all over me for a road legal car, help pay my rent or take me on holiday'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I wont say who but there is a couple on here that keep trying to arrange meets but you have to take a bottle of baileys

Do you want it installed before or after the fuck?

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"I wont say who but there is a couple on here that keep trying to arrange meets but you have to take a bottle of baileys

Do you want it installed before or after the fuck?

Before, definitely! They'd do a runner afterwards.

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By *bbandflowCouple
over a year ago

South Devon

Happily married....as opposed to?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

what make me laugh the most is when a bbw lady ask for a slim, fit and muscle mens only but no fatties

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By *obinhood-maidmarionCouple
over a year ago

Near Birmingham

on here to save our marrige maybe

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do you want it installed before or after the fuck?

Before, definitely! They'd do a runner afterwards.

We will be there at 9:30am tomorrow advacado suite OK

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

worst we have seen is "Fun couple not really seeking anyone"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm a heavy cummer = cheesy

* cReEpS rOunD cRyPt * -l-"

Hello again * cReEpS rOunD cRyPt * and * sits on coffin* nice to see you back xx

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By *obinhood-maidmarionCouple
over a year ago

Near Birmingham

2 more that we cringe at.

Please have pictures on your profile (when they dont have any)

and when they put on the status "friends clearout, bye bye to those who havnt chatted for ages" Well if they havnt chatted for ages then this also means that said profile holder equally hasnt chatted to thier friends either!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

if people ask for gifts does that not amount to prostitution?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"what make me laugh the most is when a bbw lady ask for a slim, fit and muscle mens only but no fatties

I dont want slim, im afraid i might hurt them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

MMMMM just read ure profile and looked at your pix Occhi, Very nice

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Gd afternoon all,

Reading this makes me think that maybe my Profile is as cheesy as a ..............Wotsit?

I know Ive not plucked up the courage to put pix yet, but please be honest folks, How does my profile sound? Msg me back, oh and please remember 'Words Hurt'!!

if the reason you hide your face and photos is because of a university then i wouldnt worry because they dont do nothing like that, its just spam thats made its way onto gullable peoples profiles

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Has to disagree with you Robin/Marion, there are a few ladies that put other abbreviations in their profiles. Ob. Im not goin to name them but go look for yourselves lol

yeah and if you email people who dont have that in their name they might take offence thinking are you calling me a bbw? with a name like that all you going to get is people who calll themselves bbw

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I wont say who but there is a couple on here that keep trying to arrange meets but you have to take a bottle of baileys

you would have to accomodate to get a new kitchen put in place though haha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"the parts of profiles we dislike

profiles where they cant put pictures up "because of work commitments" load of shit, if someone spots you on here then they are here for the same reason.

No. Its not a load of shit. Far from it. Your assumption that no one could be on here for nefarious purposes is flawed.

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By *heekygeordieguyMan
over a year ago

Newcastle

What a Diamond of a reply.Class Buddy.!!!

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By *heekygeordieguyMan
over a year ago

Newcastle

"I don't know about cheesiest but:

1) Magic code words/phrases to put in your first message. They are usually really dull as well. If your going to do it, pick something unique like "Izzy Whizzy Lets Get Jizzy"

2) Long rants about how they get so much pointless mail; or just long ranty profiles in general stating how shit everything is.

6) Profiles which state that a sub-section of the swinging community is akin to 'enemy combatants' or 'domestic terrorists' and should be treated as such.

However they have no public or friends only pictures.

---

* The average male gorilla has a penis size of 1.5 inches.

Ha ha ha I absolutely love this post. It is light-hearted but factual and 100% accurate."

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By *obinhood-maidmarionCouple
over a year ago

Near Birmingham

"the parts of profiles we dislike

profiles where they cant put pictures up "because of work commitments" load of shit, if someone spots you on here then they are here for the same reason.

No. Its not a load of shit. Far from it. Your assumption that no one could be on here for nefarious purposes is flawed. "

obviously your right nutty, your boss could be on here just to see which of his workforce are swingers so he can ridicule you or sack you for doing legal stuff out of work time i guess!

Anyway what I actually meant was people who dont have face pics in thier private gallery viewable by friends ONLY! Surely that is unnaceptable and there is no way they would be seen by anyone other than the people they accept or invite as friends.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just looked at one particular profile and it said please no mingers. The person in the profile wasn'tvery attractive themself. Gave me a laugh

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By *occosboysCouple (MM)
over a year ago

Manchester

"the line i always hate to see in a profile is

see verifications

Why? I state this as my verifications say it better than I can

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I can Last for hours

really? when you free?

Haha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not bothered by looks so will meet women of any shape, size or colour!

hey, i like that one.

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By *unky monkeyMan
over a year ago

in the night garden

[Removed by poster at 25/04/12 09:45:30]

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By *unky monkeyMan
over a year ago

in the night garden

I make mention of cheese in my profile. What of it?

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By *empnbunkCouple
over a year ago

south coast

"no timewaster" always tickles me lol wonder if timewasters acually read that in peoples profile and think to themselves ohh better not msg them I dont meet their criteria

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ok, following on from the perfect profile thread, let's really rip the p now with the cheesiest lines in a profile, in no particular order.

I don't bite, well only if you ask!

It has to be "I have the thrust of a pneumatic hammer drill" i laughed and almost wet myself after reading it in a profile earlier.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I totally disagree with number ten. I cannot accommodate because I live in shared accommodation. And I wont travel because I am unemployed, can't afford the fares, and don't need to travel to find sex.

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By *CoupleCouple
over a year ago

birmingham

Elkie, good afternoon.We are couple asked question re: can you tell if condom on or not in Forum !!. We would like to reply to your comments but site not allowing us to, cause we old gets !.

Would you lift that restriction for few hrs pls.

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By *Ryan-Man
over a year ago

In Your Bush

"No point in putting a serious profile up your only hope as a guy is to make people smile.

thats true that

if i read a profile and it dont make me at least smile once i dont message them

Im in with a chance then lol"

nah that dont work lol

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By *ex.IncCouple
over a year ago

Castleford

"I totally disagree with number ten. I cannot accommodate because I live in shared accommodation. And I wont travel because I am unemployed, can't afford the fares, and don't need to travel to find sex."

I dont think its wrong personally. Its a bit of give and take, not all take. Im now unemployed but we still travel around the area and never expect it all to come to us. Fares cost sod all if you really want to meet (not talking excessive distances) and in my mind its not a viable excuse. We cant accommodate but if thats a problem then we half a hotel charge if the funds are available. If not - we wait until they are.

Infact we saw a profile on here who looked at us from wales and they wanted a taxi driver to pick them up after going to clubs. Thats some brass neck.

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