FabSwingers.com forum: Breaking into the clique

By *allgirthy OP Man
over a year ago

Harrogate

Been on Fab for a while now and spoken to a few people but generally people seem a bit wary (or I can’t contact them at all) due to lack of verifications. And given the amount of fakes and time wasters, I don’t blame them, but it would be nice to secure that illusive verification and make tentative steps into the Fab clique!

Have seen quite a few people recommending attending a club or other local event, which I’d absolutely be up for in time, but something I’d enjoy far more with a friend.

So, the question is, how best to go about securing that first illusive verification? By phone or a local meet over a drink is absolutely fine. Sometimes it feels like it’s all geared towards hardened (no pun intended) long-time swingers when us newbies have so much to give!

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By *uckslut and MCouple
over a year ago

Poole

Belive us, it's just as hard for " hardened" swingers to get meets and veris. Your problem is, a single msn in a sea of others. Just keep plodding away, and clubs may be your best bet.

We'd meet you if you we're nearer.

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By *rittaMan
over a year ago

Watford

I think there is more than one make which one do you want to break into?

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

You can't get a verification from a phone call.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Belive us, it's just as hard for " hardened" swingers to get meets and veris. Your problem is, a single msn in a sea of others. Just keep plodding away, and clubs may be your best bet. "

This.

Go to a club. You're not likely to get someone to go with you, go on your own. Behave well and ask the staff to verify you, they're usually happy to do so. Some of the other guests might too.

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

There is a social in Leeds on 16 November organised by Enchant. Why not go to that?

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By *DreamOfGenieWoman
over a year ago

London

Shame you're not in London, I'd do a social with you and veri

Other posters are right though, I'd look out for clubs and group socials in your area - probably the easiest way to get that first veri under your belt.

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By *urious8812Couple
over a year ago

dorchester

You look lovely with a well written profile so I’m sure with a bit of perseverance it won’t be too long before you get your first veri.

Are you winking/messaging both couples and singles or waiting for them to contact you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If going to a club is too daunting on your own, then try to find a club buddy, lots of guys are in the same boat. Also, from experience, the amount of single ladies who go to clubs and would like a genuine and reliable guy to go with them is staggering. Effort equals reward

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By *ohohoWoman
over a year ago

Up North

"There is a social in Leeds on 16 November organised by Enchant. Why not go to that?"

Good idea. These socials should get you a few verifications, but more importantly the chance to meet like minded people. You never know, you could hit it off with a few. Be quick though as places fill up.

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By *allgirthy OP Man
over a year ago

Harrogate

Thanks all, that’s all very reassuring - I shall persevere!

@Two4four - that’s very kind, and I would take up your offer in a heartbeat!

@_allyslinky - ah, my apologies; still learning the ins and outs of Fab. I’ll look into that event too.

@IDreamofGenie - again, very kind. Spend a lot of time in London, so maybe one day!

@Curious8812 - thanks, and that’s often the frustration. I feel like I have a decent profile and I know I offer a lot, then you see some of the truly terrible profiles and wonder how they do it! No, I try not to wink - I make the effort with decent, personalised messages, but seemingly not what a lot of people are after, but hey ho.

Definitely appreciate you need to make effort, which I think I do. And going to a public event is definitely something I need to break into. I’m a confident sort of guy but that sort of thing does still feel a bit daunting without an “in”.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Getting verified is the hardest part mate! Is quiet soul destroying some days fella, I’ve had times when I’m messaging a couple an you think your getting somewhere but turns out there’s no female is just a male on a couples profile. Is a tough old place. Is my 3rd time back on here. But best of luck to you mate try plod on an keep going. I think clubs are the best way forward but if your like myself an just starting off in the scene it take a bit of courage to get up an go but again best of luck mate

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By *allgirthy OP Man
over a year ago

Harrogate

Thanks Heathrowlad, I think you pretty much summed up all my thoughts pretty succinctly there!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bite the bullet and get along to a social,thats what i did you'll be suprised how friendly and welcoming people are when you remove the digital screen, although about 6 people said theyd verify me the next and didnt and then i got a veri from someone at the social who didnt say theyd verify me, its a funny old world. But basicaly a docial is the way forward my good man.

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By *uckandbunnyCouple
over a year ago

In your bed

"If going to a club is too daunting on your own, then try to find a club buddy, lots of guys are in the same boat. Also, from experience, the amount of single ladies who go to clubs and would like a genuine and reliable guy to go with them is staggering. Effort equals reward "

A club buddy might help, but if you take that route I would suggest that at some point you will need to fly solo in the club as it could be off putting for some potential partners if you are with someone all night as they may not want you both to assume it is a 2 4 1 deal.

Also they may assume you are there to meet the same sex.

I know the wife has liked the look of certain guys but has been hesitant to break up a group of guys to peel on off.

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By *allgirthy OP Man
over a year ago

Harrogate

@_uckandbunny - yes, I hear what you’re saying and don’t think I’m after a permanent chaperone, merely somebody to go along with for the first time and better understand the process and dynamics. Probably sounds a bit ridiculous and a case of over thinking it to those that go regularly, but I guess we all have to start somewhere.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"@_uckandbunny - yes, I hear what you’re saying and don’t think I’m after a permanent chaperone, merely somebody to go along with for the first time and better understand the process and dynamics. Probably sounds a bit ridiculous and a case of over thinking it to those that go regularly, but I guess we all have to start somewhere."

Clubs usually give guided tours and ideas of etiquette in person and on their website, to be fair.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Clubs usually give guided tours and ideas of etiquette in person and on their website, to be fair. "

Yep quest are amazing at this

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By *allgirthy OP Man
over a year ago

Harrogate

@_naswingdress - yes, appreciate tours are given, but again I think it’s just nice to have a bit of moral support by somebody you might have met a few times previously. I guess we’re all different.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"@_naswingdress - yes, appreciate tours are given, but again I think it’s just nice to have a bit of moral support by somebody you might have met a few times previously. I guess we’re all different."

Sure. But if the original problem is not being verified, and clubs are a solution, but you need someone with you... Then clubs are no longer a solution.

I'm sympathetic, truly I am, but if you want to use a club for verification purposes, you'll need to go on your own. (from the one time I've been I think Quest would be good for this. Club SX in Blackpool are brilliant and very inclusive)

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By *allgirthy OP Man
over a year ago

Harrogate

Thanks _naswingdress, honestly do hear what you’re saying

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By *AYENCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

I'm surprised you've found it difficult to get at least a social meet!

For many, verifications are really not that important, who they are from can actually be more so.

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By *allgirthy OP Man
over a year ago

Harrogate

Hi KAYEN. Absolutely agree it’s not about verifications or notches on the bed post - quality is everything, but the verifications do help get your foot in the door with certain fab communities. I think the social is the all important way forward though, so that’s what I need to rectify. Only something I’ve begun to consider recently.

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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

I think it feels like a clique it really isn't. Not everybody knows each other on here, people might have groups of friends but they don't all know each other, in my opinion.

Just go along to a social or a club and very quickly if you have the right attitude you will have increased your circle of Friends and be multiple verified

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By *allgirthy OP Man
over a year ago

Harrogate

Yeah, perhaps clique is the wrong word, it just feels like that as a beginner. Keep seeing the social suggestion popping up, so must surely be the answer!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think it feels like a clique it really isn't. Not everybody knows each other on here, people might have groups of friends but they don't all know each other, in my opinion.

Just go along to a social or a club and very quickly if you have the right attitude you will have increased your circle of Friends and be multiple verified"

Defo sounds like the way forward mate

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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

"Yeah, perhaps clique is the wrong word, it just feels like that as a beginner. Keep seeing the social suggestion popping up, so must surely be the answer!"

In my opinion it is the answer. I'm a very proud part of the Swinging community, it's a lifestyle choice for me and I really enjoy the liberation and and amazing new people that I get to chat to occasionally.

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By *oul BrothaMan
over a year ago

A Galaxy far far away

I'm happy to go to clubs on my own when I get the time but a club buddy sounds like a good idea.

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By *allgirthy OP Man
over a year ago

Harrogate

Knew I wouldn’t be completely alone in my thinking, Soul Brotha! Seems like a fairly active scene in and around Leeds / North Yorkshire.

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By *urhamgurlWoman
over a year ago

Durham

I don’t understand why anyone wouldn’t meet you, you look lush

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By *itonmyfacebookMan
over a year ago

Burton on Trent

[Removed by poster at 12/11/19 10:13:40]

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

On nights where I happen to be in a club, I'll verify anyone who asks (as long as they behave themselves) and be friendly to everyone (ditto).

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By *allgirthy OP Man
over a year ago

Harrogate

Thanks Durhamgurl, right back atcha!

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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

"On nights where I happen to be in a club, I'll verify anyone who asks (as long as they behave themselves) and be friendly to everyone (ditto). "

Me too

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By *itonmyfacebookMan
over a year ago

Burton on Trent

Maybe not the right phase but it doesn't seem to be as "easy" as it used to be.

I was on here for a few years and never really wanted to be part of any clique (just let them get on with it in their own little world and my circumstances wouldn't allow either).

But by plodding away, sometimes messaging for quite a long time before actually meeting, I had my share of fun and many good veris.

I came off for a while: A woman I met wanted a relationship and I fancied a break.

Now back again sadly it just doesn't seem to be like it used to be but I suppose nothing stays the same.

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By *allgirthy OP Man
over a year ago

Harrogate

Interesting - a lot of people seem to mention how much things have changed. Is it due to an explosion of people using the internet in the past 15 years and more fakers etc do you think?

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By *inkycreamCouple
over a year ago

manchester

Clubs usually give guided tours and ideas of etiquette in person and on their website, to be fair. "

Don’t forget whatever happens you’re likely to really enjoy it, if it feels naughty it is

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By *allgirthy OP Man
over a year ago

Harrogate

Ha yes, I suppose that element is almost getting lost here - you go to the social to enjoy yourself, not just put yourself through an awkward test!

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By *itonmyfacebookMan
over a year ago

Burton on Trent

Interesting - a lot of people seem to mention how much things have changed. Is it due to an explosion of people using the internet in the past 15 years and more fakers etc do you think

[I wasn't off for long and I'm talking recent past not pre-internet. I don't moan or look for sympathy. Things are what they. Just don't seem to be as many chilled out women looking for casual fun. ]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You have always got the option to join the chat rooms and chat to people whilst on cam then problem solved.

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By *og-ManMan
over a year ago

somewhere

It seems to be worse in Ireland obviously because we're a smaller country so the groups that do use the clubs all seem to know each other.

I'm actually thinking of flying over to The UK to spend a night or a day trip and visit a club just to get verified.

If anyone knows of clubs open during the day near birmingham airport I'd appreciate it if you could send me a message

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By *allgirthy OP Man
over a year ago

Harrogate

"You have always got the option to join the chat rooms and chat to people whilst on cam then problem solved. "

Hey, not a bad idea!

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By *allgirthy OP Man
over a year ago

Harrogate

"I’m actually thinking of flying over to The UK to spend a night or a day trip and visit a club just to get verified.

Wow, now that’s dedication!

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By *og-ManMan
over a year ago

somewhere

No I'm just hoping that my Irish accent would go down well

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By *heHookyMonsterMan
over a year ago

Coventry

I found organised socials to be the way forward mate. Give them a try.

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By *eastAndTheHarlotCouple
over a year ago

Hartlepool

Camrooms will get verifications via cam.

Organised Socials and clubs are the best bet. You'll get verified but also meet those local to you which is fantastic.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe find a local female build up a good friendship and do clubs and do socials together as a wingman/woman, you should be able to meet people in the scene who you become friends with who would be happy to verify you.

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By *allgirthy OP Man
over a year ago

Harrogate

Thanks, good advice!

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By *rank speakerMan
over a year ago

Worcester

Lots of really excellent advice from everyone. Socials are a great non pressure way of meeting and people knowing you're who you say you are a. Also if you're willing to put some effort in and make a 'friend' via regular chats with a little luck you'll eventually manage a no expectations social which may help. I think the key word is patience? I eventually managed to meet one lady from here who gave me my first veri and have actually got one from a guy I met when taking a non swing lady friend to a club.

I must say that despite quite a few visits to clubs with female partners in the past, despite playing on a few occasions never actually met someone from here to get verified on those occasions, so it does seem a little 'pot luck '?

Perseverance is the key. Good luck!

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By *allgirthy OP Man
over a year ago

Harrogate

Thanks Frank! As I said before, not really fussed about verifications as opposed to just meeting somebody I enjoy spending time with. Sadly the former seems to better enable the latter!

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By *allgirthy OP Man
over a year ago

Harrogate

@Bogmam2019 - haha I’m sure it will, good luck!

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By *ap d agde coupleCouple
over a year ago

Broadstairs

Your 2 photos are good but think you need couple more

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By *allgirthy OP Man
over a year ago

Harrogate

Thanks Cap, I was switching them around today

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By *allgirthy OP Man
over a year ago

Harrogate

Perhaps I'll go to the chatrooms now and hang around the Northern room!

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By *uckandbunnyCouple
over a year ago

In your bed

I certainly don't think there is a clique. Each time we go to a club its a new experience.

We only venture out a few times a year, so pretty much every time we are like newbies who don't know anyone.

But lots of people are in similar positions.

The one advantage of a partner or wingman / winglady is that it gives you someone to chat to whilst you become acclimatised.

I imagine it would be pretty dull just watching everyone else whilst cuddling your own drink (sure if your an extrovert you will just socialise immediately, but most of us need a bit of time before taking that first step).

What I would stress is that if you have been there for an hour and you have not talked to anyone but your wing person or you are now part of a group of solo males, you need to strike up a conversation or it may never happen.

Actually that applies to anyone who worries about chatting in clubs including couples.

As for the swinging community changing, I think nowadays single men and women have more choice and it is more acceptable to be on date/hook up sites such as tinder.

Also we are all getting older so there is that as well

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By *allgirthy OP Man
over a year ago

Harrogate

Yes, that's all very true, Duck - I guess there are always going to be a few others in the same boat on any given night.

I shall keep searching for my illusive club partner and go along and mingle. That or build up enough courage to go by myself - I'm sure others there will support me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes, that's all very true, Duck - I guess there are always going to be a few others in the same boat on any given night.

I shall keep searching for my illusive club partner and go along and mingle. That or build up enough courage to go by myself - I'm sure others there will support me."

Use the reply and quote!

P.s it’s a shame you’re so far away. I would of loved to have given you.......your first verification, of course

Scarlett.

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By *allgirthy OP Man
over a year ago

Harrogate

"Use the reply and quote!

P.s it’s a shame you’re so far away. I would of loved to have given you.......your first verification, of course

Scarlett. "

Thanks Scarlett (and now using quotes!) - see, why is there seemingly nobody like you in my immediate vicinity!

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By *urious8812Couple
over a year ago

dorchester

"Use the reply and quote!

P.s it’s a shame you’re so far away. I would of loved to have given you.......your first verification, of course

Scarlett.

Thanks Scarlett (and now using quotes!) - see, why is there seemingly nobody like you in my immediate vicinity!"

Perhaps you should do a tour of the south coast. There seems to be a few of us southern ladies who’d be more than happy to help you on your merry way

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By *allgirthy OP Man
over a year ago

Harrogate

[Removed by poster at 13/11/19 10:36:38]

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By *allgirthy OP Man
over a year ago

Harrogate

"Perhaps you should do a tour of the south coast. There seems to be a few of us southern ladies who’d be more than happy to help you on your merry way

Yes, there does seem to be something in the waters of the South Coast, doesn't there! May have to take you up on that offer, though. If I wasn't a blocked from doing so I'd add you as a friend!

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By *urious8812Couple
over a year ago

dorchester

"Perhaps you should do a tour of the south coast. There seems to be a few of us southern ladies who’d be more than happy to help you on your merry way

Yes, there does seem to be something in the waters of the South Coast, doesn't there! May have to take you up on that offer, though. If I wasn't a blocked from doing so I'd add you as a friend! "

Sorted

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP you are more than welcome to attend a club with us. There's a good group of us that go. You could come along and meet like minded people. Drop me a message and I'll let you know when we are going. I'm a straight single male and know there's lots if single guys that just need that introduction to the swinging clubs. We all need a break sometimes

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By *allgirthy OP Man
over a year ago

Harrogate

"Sorted

Thanks - added!

Thanks Mr Nice - do you do the Yorkshire clubs as well as the NW ones?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sorted

Thanks - added!

Thanks Mr Nice - do you do the Yorkshire clubs as well as the NW ones?"

Yes we do

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By *allgirthy OP Man
over a year ago

Harrogate

"Yes we do "

Nice! Shout when you're next heading somewhere.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not read the whole thread, but why do you want want in on 'The Clique'?

Only clique I've heard of is the forum clique. Which I've been accused of being in, but I don't think exists.

Yes you see the same faces getting along with one another, doesn't make it a clique though. Just separate groups of friends who've taken the time and paid the attention to get to know one another, over many years in some cases.

Walk your own path.. maybe some of the clique will come to you.. if they exist?

I'd try a group social before a club. If you fail at this hurdle multiple times, it may save you lots of cash, just a suggestion.

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By *allgirthy OP Man
over a year ago

Harrogate

"Not read the whole thread, but why do you want want in on 'The Clique'?

Only clique I've heard of is the forum clique. Which I've been accused of being in, but I don't think exists.

Walk your own path.. maybe some of the clique will come to you.. if they exist?

I'd try a group social before a club. If you fail at this hurdle multiple times, it may save you lots of cash, just a suggestion.

That's fair enough mate - I'm using clique as a pretty broad term.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not read the whole thread, but why do you want want in on 'The Clique'?

Only clique I've heard of is the forum clique. Which I've been accused of being in, but I don't think exists.

Walk your own path.. maybe some of the clique will come to you.. if they exist?

I'd try a group social before a club. If you fail at this hurdle multiple times, it may save you lots of cash, just a suggestion.

That's fair enough mate - I'm using clique as a pretty broad term."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes we do

Nice! Shout when you're next heading somewhere."

Drop me a message matey and keep an eye out on my meets

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By *xperimentalistMan
over a year ago

East Yorkshire

Socials really do work for this, take it from someone who went that route.

You are ideally located as there are ones in Leeds, Bradford, Sheffield, York, Hull, Manchester - just keep an eye on the meets forum for when they are, most will have Christmas ones coming up.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" "

Very helpful dude

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By * and BCouple
over a year ago

Durham

Socials are a great place to meet folk in this lifestyle, its the route we took when we first got into this. OP your profile and pictures are really good, a refreshing change from a dozen certain pics taken from different angles. I know we don't arrange to meet single guys but if you messaged us if we happened to be going to same club we'd spend some time chatting to you. Your posts on this thread make you look very respectful which we can see from that you are. So all in all we'd say you are approaching this in all the right ways. Won't be long till you get that veri and are having fun

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By *allgirthy OP Man
over a year ago

Harrogate

"Socials are a great place to meet folk in this lifestyle, its the route we took when we first got into this. OP your profile and pictures are really good, a refreshing change from a dozen certain pics taken from different angles. I know we don't arrange to meet single guys but if you messaged us if we happened to be going to same club we'd spend some time chatting to you. Your posts on this thread make you look very respectful which we can see from that you are. So all in all we'd say you are approaching this in all the right ways. Won't be long till you get that veri and are having fun

Very kind, F&B - yes, don't understand some profiles out there. Guys are very visual creatures so will definitely respond well to lots of naked pictures of women, but I don't think it's always the same the other way around!

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