FabSwingers.com forum: BDSM subs

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

How many women who are into the sub lifestyle are there on fab? Is it common?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm one, I see a few however I don't think it's common.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like sub men but not sure that's the angle you were referring to

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How many women who are into the sub lifestyle are there on fab? Is it common?"

not many at all they mostly like dom men

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

I'm a switch

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My wife is my sub

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By *eastAndTheHarlotCouple
over a year ago

Hartlepool

I'm a sub. A little brat to be specific

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

The problem you may face OP is with demonstrating your dominant side sufficiently in your profile to interest a submissive lady - you've not asked for profile advice so I can't comment specifically on your profile but generically it's one thing *saying* you are dominant, quite another getting across in text form that you are enough to attract them.

A lot of women will be wary of "Doms" that have read those books or seen BDSM porn and think it's all about telling the submissive what to do and them "obeying" so try and get across your experience and interests somehow

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm sub but not common

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By *uckslut and MCouple
over a year ago

Poole

You may be better of on a kink site, rather than a swinging one.

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By *heIcebreakersCouple
over a year ago

Cramlington

"How many women who are into the sub lifestyle are there on fab? Is it common?"

Define lifestyle

Ms Icebreaker

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've got eleven years experience as a sub but I'm not looking for a dominant. I have one.

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By *heif6999Man
over a year ago

malton

Struggle to find a Dom woman!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There is a difference in swinging and D/s although I have found a cross over. If you are specifically after a submissive then you may find more luck on a fetish lifestyle website.

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By *ittlesub4uWoman
over a year ago

Manchester

I’m submissive (with some pesky brat tendencies) and I think there’s quite a few BDSM fabbers.

I’d recommend an advanced search by interest “SM” to narrow down your kinkster search

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By *oss and SuzieCouple
over a year ago

Porthmadog

Suzie is sub and collared.

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

I am not sure there is a submissive lifestyle. People can have submissive tendencies which are individual to them and each submissive is different and may express their submission differently with each dom/me. Whereas, I would suggest swinging is a lifestyle because it is a broadly generic activity.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The site is full of them, and from what I can see most are not only enjoying their role but thriving in it.

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By *an_WoodMan
over a year ago

Stafford

I'm not a dom but love the thought of a submissive woman over my knee needing firm correction by means of a loving spanking.

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By *asseurMan
over a year ago

Shrewsbury England not Wales

I have trained a sub female and she has her own profile on here

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I’m submissive (with some pesky brat tendencies) and I think there’s quite a few BDSM fabbers.

I’d recommend an advanced search by interest “SM” to narrow down your kinkster search

I'm not particularly sadistic in that sense however. Also, girl you're thiccer than a bowl of oatmeal!

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By *ood girl2010Couple
over a year ago

crewe

"How many women who are into the sub lifestyle are there on fab? Is it common?"

im a pure sub and always do what im told

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By *Jones19Man
over a year ago

Evesham, Worcester, Pershore

There are a few on here OP. I've successfully found a couple during my time. More by accident originally than actively looking for submissives. If your looking to find yourself someone with submissive tendencies/behaviour, with everything on here, patience is key.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mrs is and myself (Mr) I’m always looking for new female subs hopefully bi ones

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By *inkycreamCouple
over a year ago

manchester

Vik is totally submissive, giving pleasure is what she’s made for in all aspects of life

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By *ood girl2010Couple
over a year ago

crewe

"Suzie is sub and collared."

I ware my collar with pride

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By *indMasterUKMan
over a year ago

All over England

If you are seriously on the look out for a Sub I would suggest having one profile on this site but also a Dom profile on a suitable fetish site (like I have)....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree use profiles on ferish sires as

Well

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Marie is very much my (James) sub, though we'll often just play as a couple too. She is currently enjoying a task I have given her for next week...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m a sub to my Dom on this profile we met through the swinging/Bdsm crossover. M does his crossover parties and it’s a 70/30 mix of bdsm people. Having a trusted Dom that knows your limits and that the sun always has the control in the Bdsm scene.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sub here - Luna

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mrs likes being used and dominated

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By *oss and SuzieCouple
over a year ago

Porthmadog

Suzie is a sub and has been collared 12 years.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thirty seven.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Suzie is a sub and has been collared 12 years. "

Nice x

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By *utDoSomeMoreCouple
over a year ago

Southport

Ashley is sub but only with me and the occasional guy she connects with. Otherwise it's regular vanilla with other guys. She always wears a small collar on a night out though...

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By *aeganaWoman
over a year ago

birmingham

Sub brat here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As a Dom, I enjoy the empowerment it gives the sub knowing it’s their choice to give themselves to me, it true, a profile is hard to convey that. That’s why chatting is the most important part of building that trust, being completely open and honest with each other.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are so many guys on here trying to be dom... the subs are having a field day

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By *ickygirl41Woman
over a year ago

Glasgow

"How many women who are into the sub lifestyle are there on fab? Is it common?

not many at all they mostly like dom men "

Hmmm, I much prefer sub men

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How many women who are into the sub lifestyle are there on fab? Is it common?

not many at all they mostly like dom men

Hmmm, I much prefer sub men

Nothing wrong with that...

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By *rank speakerMan
over a year ago

Worcester

I've been lucky enough to meet a couple of beautiful submissive girls on here and actually much prefer this site to any other due to ease of use,search,verifications etc.

I do despair of some of the so called Doms here who obviously don't have a clue how to build a strong and lasting relationship with submissive girls! As someone stated earlier it's not black and white and the submissive has to be a willing participant and this usually takes time to establish as trust has to be built to get the best?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've been lucky enough to meet a couple of beautiful submissive girls on here and actually much prefer this site to any other due to ease of use,search,verifications etc.

Agreed... true sub girls know what the are after and my try one of these newly appointed Doms... they soon know that most are false and then will look for an establish Dom...

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

"I've been lucky enough to meet a couple of beautiful submissive girls on here and actually much prefer this site to any other due to ease of use,search,verifications etc.

Agreed... true sub girls know what the are after and my try one of these newly appointed Doms... they soon know that most are false and then will look for an establish Dom...

With respect I dislike the phrase "true sub", I have heard too many stories of people being told they are not "true subs" because they did not meet the dom's requirements. The issue was that it was the wrong dom for the sub.

Although we largely go by our own experience (although reading and listening to others is helpful), most new subs I have met did not really know what they wanted. It generally took time and experience to find what they wanted. Possibly exchanging "true" with "experienced" would be more apt.

Also a number of new subs stick to bad situations as they don't want to feel they failed in their submission. It is also what makes some subs take on too much intensity in not wanting to let the dom down.

Generally it is speaking to other subs makes them realise that the dom is wrong for them. This why subsisters munches and subs' contributions to forums are so important.

I know with this next point I am a lone wolf on Fab, but as someone who for a long time did not have a sub and therefore was involved in casual play I will still state it. Yes trust is important, but just because the play is casual or occaisional does not mean it cannot be deep or meaningful. It is like those who say the best sex is with a loving committed partner. Yes it can be great and deep, but people have had mind blowing soul shaking sex with one night stands. Likewise with kink, the longevity of the relationship is no guarantee of the quality of the kink.

So it comes down to the often repeated comment, except with the absence of abuse, and only with consent, there is no one way to do kink. BDSM covers a multitude of types of play and there is no one true way. There is only what works for those involved.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am a sub,but sadly there are not many dominant ladies

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Love to meet a dominant lady No luck as yet Any takers? X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How many ladies are true Mistresses and belive in Female Supremacy?

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By *istressZoeTV/TS
over a year ago

cheshire

I’m the very proud owner of a gorge submissive f/b who wears my collar x

I’ve also met many willing submissives from this site x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’m the very proud owner of a gorge submissive f/b who wears my collar x

I’ve also met many willing submissives from this site x"
Thats very nice ,i wish much to be someone sub

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I love being the sub! But I’m a little bratty about it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I am not sure there is a submissive lifestyle. People can have submissive tendencies which are individual to them and each submissive is different and may express their submission differently with each dom/me. Whereas, I would suggest swinging is a lifestyle because it is a broadly generic activity."

It's a lifestyle if they want a D/s relationship.

I'm not submissive per se, but am sexually.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've been lucky enough to meet a couple of beautiful submissive girls on here and actually much prefer this site to any other due to ease of use,search,verifications etc.

Agreed... true sub girls know what the are after and my try one of these newly appointed Doms... they soon know that most are false and then will look for an establish Dom...

Generally it is speaking to other subs makes them realise that the dom is wrong for them. This why subsisters munches and subs' contributions to forums are so important.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've been lucky enough to meet a couple of beautiful submissive girls on here and actually much prefer this site to any other due to ease of use,search,verifications etc.

Agreed... true sub girls know what the are after and my try one of these newly appointed Doms... they soon know that most are false and then will look for an establish Dom...

it frustrates me how naive and power hungry some who believe that they know what they are doing.

Scooby

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By *andKBCouple
over a year ago

Plymouth

I'm sub well a brat type... we arent for the faint hearted!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Queer very open mind here

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By *laveofwomenMan
over a year ago

Warwickshire

"I like sub men but not sure that's the angle you were referring to"

I would love to be your sub bitch

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By *apascouseMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

"I like sub men but not sure that's the angle you were referring to"

Maybe start a thread about sub guys, I’ll definitely post

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By *rank speakerMan
over a year ago

Worcester

It's a lifestyle if they want a D/s relationship.

I'm not submissive per se, but am sexually. "

I'm my(limited) experience I've come across a few sexually submissive girls who were completely opposite in daily life. Very much so! In fact they were extremely forceful! And certainly not to be messed with! However once in 'the zone' they were remarkable and had wonderfully wicked imaginative ideas of how to be'forced' into acts of submission... In fact the less submissive on the surface, the more submissive in the bedroom! Any others noticed this trait?

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By *abybearandthebossCouple
over a year ago

COLCHESTER

Babybear is my collared sub. We would love to talk to other submissive women.

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By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago

Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro

Bookmarking

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By *ulgehunterMan
over a year ago

yorkshire

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By *onyMad123Couple
over a year ago

nottingham/ derby

Deviant sub in a club but not in everyday life, have to be bad to be punished

although not hardcore, i ultimatley call the shots if to much. No spit or electrical for me.....

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By *ood girl2010Couple
over a year ago

crewe

"I'm sub but not common"

I a pure sub but in normal life im a lady to, when im a sup I do everything im told

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

It's a lifestyle if they want a D/s relationship.

I'm not submissive per se, but am sexually.

My experience and is that submissives come from all walks of life, all genders, and both sexes. They also switch. It is my understanding that any of the aforesaid can be very imaginative in their "forced" submission in bed.

I would like to suggest that the concentration on a limited stereotype of a sexually submissive woman prevents people (male and female) from exploring their own form of submission. D/S is about personal experience and not a competitive sport and it is/ can be far more than imaginative "forced" bed time activities. Which is of itself very much a stereotype of submissive women.

However it is a broad church open to all consensual play.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm sub but not common

I a pure sub but in normal life im a lady to, when im a sup I do everything im told"

Good Girl

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By *asters princessWoman
over a year ago

Prestwich

I'm a sub, love it and wouldn't want it any other way. I like to please master

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By *ust_A_Tease_To_PleaseWoman
over a year ago

South Wales: Newport, Chepstow

Sub here too. I've seen plenty of ppl into BDSM on here.

Would be nice for it to be a specific interest to tick - SM and spanking don't really cover it.

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By *andKBCouple
over a year ago

Plymouth

I'm a brat type sub!!

We dont see many female subs in our parts theres a few switches though

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By *tace 309TV/TS
over a year ago

durham

I'm a full on sub. Love all aspects of bdsm. Not your usual type rubbish though. I'm extreme

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm of a submissive nature

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By *hiny-SinnersCouple
over a year ago

Vale of Glamorgan

I am sub to Hubby and my two Mistresses

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are people who live a D/s lifestyle. Personally I'm sexually submissive, whether I could live a D/s lifestyle with my Dom (where is he?), I don't know.

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

There are people who live a D/s lifestyle. Personally I'm sexually submissive, whether I could live a D/s lifestyle with my Dom (where is he?), I don't know. "

My response was in relation to OP's initial comment, which seemed to suggest a common submissive lifestyle, whereas as you have pointed out (with which I agree) a submissive lifestyle would generally be within an individual D/S lifestyle relationship. Many people successfully maintain a D/S lifedtyle relationship.

I am a bit of a purist who sees sex and kink as largely seperate with a small area of overlap. Modern sexual submission (of itself) as a kink is not my thing. However, I know sexual submission is a majority interest on Fab and in the swinging community, so who knows you may meet the right Dom for you on here. I met my sub and g/f on here you may be lucky too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are people who live a D/s lifestyle. Personally I'm sexually submissive, whether I could live a D/s lifestyle with my Dom (where is he?), I don't know.

I did meet someone I fell for last year. Unfortunately, although I was happy to accept an open relationship and knew about the random women and couples, I wasn't aware of other girlfriends (this year). The aspect of selective honesty devalued me. I will probably struggle to trust... Walls are up again.

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By *hMyGawdCouple
over a year ago

Midlands

It's almost universal amongst FAB women.

Which sucks when you find sub women dull and boring like we do

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

"It's almost universal amongst FAB women.

Which sucks when you find sub women dull and boring like we do

May I ask why do you find them boring? Genuinely interested

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By *hMyGawdCouple
over a year ago

Midlands

"May I ask why do you find them boring? Genuinely interested "

Sure

It's just a bit of a cliche. And shows no imagination, or willing to take the domme role. It's like women sleepwalk into it.

It's also often tied into low self esteem, which is a turn-off. Conversely - confidence to be a hot domme is a massive turn on.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

"May I ask why do you find them boring? Genuinely interested

Sure

It's just a bit of a cliche. And shows no imagination, or willing to take the domme role. It's like women sleepwalk into it.

It's also often tied into low self esteem, which is a turn-off. Conversely - confidence to be a hot domme is a massive turn on."

That's really interesting, thank you

Can see how the confidence of a domme is hot as

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By *hMyGawdCouple
over a year ago

Midlands

*cracks whip*

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

"*cracks whip*"

Yikes love a good beating though the caning is my current thing

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By *erfectly Average CoupleCouple
over a year ago

Edinburgh

If the fetish scene is for you there are some more specific sites than fab but there are plenty on here aswell

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By *atexpvcTV/TS
over a year ago

chester/Merseyside

I find it very hard in chester to find a Dom person Tv or Master.to communicate with.i do find lots message me saying they are Masters but seldom.live up to their name.

Woukd love to be collared either by a Mistress or Master for long term ownership..apply with in...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"May I ask why do you find them boring? Genuinely interested

Sure

It's just a bit of a cliche. And shows no imagination, or willing to take the domme role. It's like women sleepwalk into it.

It's also often tied into low self esteem, which is a turn-off. Conversely - confidence to be a hot domme is a massive turn on."

What a generalisation! It depends on the sub's character.

I can switch and have when I meet a sap of a Dom (a wannabe who reckons he just needs to bark out orders without any sense of authority). In fact for me to be truly submissive, someone has to press my buttons... Otherwise I might turn bratty. I would not be submissive if feeling vulnerable. Trust has its place.

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

"May I ask why do you find them boring? Genuinely interested

Sure

It's just a bit of a cliche. And shows no imagination, or willing to take the domme role. It's like women sleepwalk into it.

It's also often tied into low self esteem, which is a turn-off. Conversely - confidence to be a hot domme is a massive turn on."

You are entitled to your opinion, but your reasoning leaves something to be desired.

It seems to be inaccurate, and it is not evidence based. I have the following problems with the reasons presented.

Firstly the statement that submission is often tied to low self esteem is unproven, it is a statement plucked out of the air. I could conversely say that "dommes are damaged women with grudges against men". Yes, there are some who are like that, but most are expressing their kinky nature. Likewise submissive women are expressing their own kinky nature.

Secondly the reasoning has a false value system built into it, as if being a domme is better than being a submissive. It is a statement almost as incredulous as those men who are doms who think they are in some way superior to submissive men. In both cases there is no such value. It is just people expressing themselves.

I also have diffilculty with the tacit assumption that submission is an easy default setting.

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By *hMyGawdCouple
over a year ago

Midlands

"What a generalisation! It depends on the sub's character.

We're happy to generalise as we just don't fancy these types.

Other people do, and that's fine. But it's a no from us.

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By *hMyGawdCouple
over a year ago

Midlands

"You are entitled to your opinion, but your reasoning leaves something to be desired.

It seems to be inaccurate, and it is not evidence based. I have the following problems with the reasons presented.

I also have diffilculty with the tacit assumption that submission is an easy default setting.

Our views are evidence based. The evidence being meeting hundreds of people within the swinging scene over the past five years. Since somebody asked, we'll explain our reasoning.

Virtually all sub women we've met have been a certain type, lacking in confidence, a certain body type. They get their confidence back (in their own words) by sleeping with multiple guys. And that's absolutely fine. It's their life, their choice. We don't berate them for it.

But it's unappealing for us. So as a rule now we proactively block women on FAB with "sub" or "bratty" type profiles, or certain body types, as they are guaranteed to be of zero interest to us.

That aside we wish them all the best in their journeys

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By *hMyGawdCouple
over a year ago

Midlands

"Secondly the reasoning has a false value system built into it, as if being a domme is better than being a submissive.

It's not false value.

We place great value in a domme female, and zero value in a sub female. That's our preference.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What a generalisation! It depends on the sub's character.

We're happy to generalise as we just don't fancy these types.

Other people do, and that's fine. But it's a no from us."

You're entitled to your opinion. However, your given rationale was poor and needed addressing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Secondly the reasoning has a false value system built into it, as if being a domme is better than being a submissive.

It's not false value.

We place great value in a domme female, and zero value in a sub female. That's our preference."

It's a judgement you've made in relation to yourselves, and are entitled to it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You are entitled to your opinion, but your reasoning leaves something to be desired.

It seems to be inaccurate, and it is not evidence based. I have the following problems with the reasons presented.

I also have diffilculty with the tacit assumption that submission is an easy default setting.

Our views are evidence based. The evidence being meeting hundreds of people within the swinging scene over the past five years. Since somebody asked, we'll explain our reasoning.

But it's unappealing for us. So as a rule now we proactively block women on FAB with "sub" or "bratty" type profiles, or certain body types, as they are guaranteed to be of zero interest to us.

That aside we wish them all the best in their journeys

That’s absolute rubbish!

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By *ouble_The_DelightCouple
over a year ago

Wakefield

We are a D/s,24/7, BDSM couple, have been for many years, i am a submissive female, we wouldn't have it any other way.

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By *hMyGawdCouple
over a year ago

Midlands

"That’s absolute rubbish!

It's our first hand experience. And our preference.

Your opinion of it is irrelevant

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"That’s absolute rubbish!

It's our first hand experience. And our preference.

Your opinion of it is irrelevant

It may be your experience, but it’s a sweeping generalisation and in my case it’s not true

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By *ensualgent38Man
over a year ago

London & Edinburgh

I have found that quite a few of the ladies I’ve chatted with and met have submissive tendencies of some kind. I’ve also been lucky enough to explore those with some of them, which is truly the most wonderful experience.

The combination of control and submission pleasure and punishment and the trust that is integral to these can be gloriously intense.

I LOVE IT

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To put my opinion in to the mix.

I have been on the BDSM scene for over 15 years and on the swinging scene for over 10, I have had the pleasure of meeting hundreds and hundreds of people (play or social) in that time.

There is no correlation between submissives and low self-esteem, lack of imagination or motivation. Admittedly, there are some submissives that do suffer from those traits just like there are some Dominants that suffer from those.

Domination and submission are character traits, just like a sense of humour or being sporty are character traits - they do not define the person but they are part of who they are. As such just because you are one thing does not mean you are something else.

Now everyone is entitled to their opinion and I respect that, but sweeping generalisations don’t do anyone any favours.

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By *chilles and RavenCouple
over a year ago

Guernsey

"You are entitled to your opinion, but your reasoning leaves something to be desired.

It seems to be inaccurate, and it is not evidence based. I have the following problems with the reasons presented.

I also have diffilculty with the tacit assumption that submission is an easy default setting.

Our views are evidence based. The evidence being meeting hundreds of people within the swinging scene over the past five years. Since somebody asked, we'll explain our reasoning.

But it's unappealing for us. So as a rule now we proactively block women on FAB with "sub" or "bratty" type profiles, or certain body types, as they are guaranteed to be of zero interest to us.

That aside we wish them all the best in their journeys

What is this certain body type?

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"To put my opinion in to the mix.

I have been on the BDSM scene for over 15 years and on the swinging scene for over 10, I have had the pleasure of meeting hundreds and hundreds of people (play or social) in that time.

Now everyone is entitled to their opinion and I respect that, but sweeping generalisations don’t do anyone any favours. "

This about sums it up - the assertion that submissives (men or women) lack self-esteem or confidence is a sweeping generalisation borne out of cod psychology at best - in fact it could just as easily be argued that a submissive person needs both self-esteem and confidence to be able to give themselves in the first place - being able to recognise their needs and desires does not come from a place of low self-esteem at all, but one of knowing themselves and what they want.

Sure there are *some* out there who have read *those* books or who have been bullied into thinking they are submissive and just as there are bullying dominants who don't truly understand BDSM, there are submissives who go into it blindly too, but to apply that to the majority is as several have said a sweeping generalisation.

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

"To put my opinion in to the mix.

I have been on the BDSM scene for over 15 years and on the swinging scene for over 10, I have had the pleasure of meeting hundreds and hundreds of people (play or social) in that time.

Now everyone is entitled to their opinion and I respect that, but sweeping generalisations don’t do anyone any favours.

Never met a submissive lady who is not dominant in her work place, her sexual submissiveness is a a release/juxtaposition from the domestic world.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Never met a submissive lady who is not dominant in her work place, her sexual submissiveness is a a release/juxtaposition from the domestic world."

To be honest I think that's also something of a generalisation at the other end of the scale and one that is often bandied about about submissives - and again there probably are *some* for whom that holds true, but I also don't think it can be applied quite so liberally.

Both dominance and submission can be quite innate things and may even vary from interaction to interaction in some cases - I know, as a submissive, I don't "feel" submissive to everyone I come across and in fact wouldn't just give myself to anyone that said they were dominant either - truth be told there have been a handful of people I've encountered who I have truly "felt" submissive to in all the time I have held an interest in that side of my sexuality.

So I don't think it can necessarily be defined in such simple terms as have been expressed on this thread - although we each have our own reasons for our interests and our positions within the lifestyle of course.

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

Never met a submissive lady who is not dominant in her work place, her sexual submissiveness is a a release/juxtaposition from the domestic world.

Not a generalisation from my experience, just happens to be a fact.

Perhaps it’s a sapiosexual thing you haven’t experienced?

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Not a generalisation from my experience, just happens to be a fact.

Perhaps it’s a sapiosexual thing you haven’t experienced?"

A "fact" based on your experience, just as in mine I've not come across it in as widespread a way as you would suggest - nothing to do with sapiosexual just different experiences and encounters.

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

Not a generalisation from my experience, just happens to be a fact.

Perhaps it’s a sapiosexual thing you haven’t experienced?

A "fact" based on your experience, just as in mine I've not come across it in as widespread a way as you would suggest - nothing to do with sapiosexual just different experiences and encounters."

Plus possibly generalisation and projection?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The problem you may face OP is with demonstrating your dominant side sufficiently in your profile to interest a submissive lady - you've not asked for profile advice so I can't comment specifically on your profile but generically it's one thing *saying* you are dominant, quite another getting across in text form that you are enough to attract them.

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

Taking on a sub is one hell of a commitment.

As said, not easy sex, however, to me it is a whole new level of sexuality.

Both physically and sexually.

With intellectual connection.

Well in my world.

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By *istake NotWoman
over a year ago

Halifax

What concerns me massively is the number of men on here who think it’s ok to send graphic descriptions of how they want to dominate in their opening message. Demonstrating a total lack of understanding of consent, very concerning, god knows how risky they’d be in real life. Boundaries and limits have to be very carefully negotiated. So many assuming that women want to be dominated, most women don’t. Part of the reason i stopped accepting messages from men. Even though I’m generally dominant I wouldn’t dream of sending an explicit message about this unless I had checked it out first. So in answer to OPs question - it’s simplistic to assume the only subs out there are women and check your dominant advances are wanted before you make them.

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

"What concerns me massively is the number of men on here who think it’s ok to send graphic descriptions of how they want to dominate in their opening message. Demonstrating a total lack of understanding of consent, very concerning, god knows how risky they’d be in real life. Boundaries and limits have to be very carefully negotiated. So many assuming that women want to be dominated, most women don’t. Part of the reason i stopped accepting messages from men. Even though I’m generally dominant I wouldn’t dream of sending an explicit message about this unless I had checked it out first. So in answer to OPs question - it’s simplistic to assume the only subs out there are women and check your dominant advances are wanted before you make them. "

I always say,

talk to Submissive never talk to to Doms if you are exploring, you will find the truth with no testosterone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mrs P x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Definitely common. There's plenty on here. I've met a few on here

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By *ecrets4everCouple
over a year ago

In my opinion as a submissive of many years;

A true Dominant understands that the submissive actually holds the power.

One word or sign and it all stops.

Submission is a gift that can be taken away in a heartbeat.

Any ‘Dominant’ who ignores that is really just a bully or a control freak who probably watched 50 shades.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Never met a submissive lady who is not dominant in her work place, her sexual submissiveness is a a release/juxtaposition from the domestic world.

Not a generalisation from my experience, just happens to be a fact.

Perhaps it’s a sapiosexual thing you haven’t experienced?"

As you said ‘in your experience’

That doesn’t mean it is everyone’s experience, it certainly is not mine, and we definitely have a sapiosexual connection too.

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By *uietlykinkymeWoman
over a year ago

kinky land

Wow

In my recent experience, on here, there are many that are into kinky sex and many that are kinky

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By *ittleRed18Woman
over a year ago

Aberdeen

"I'm a switch "

Snap! Me too!

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By *ittleRed18Woman
over a year ago

Aberdeen

Exactly what I was going to say.

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By *ickygirl41Woman
over a year ago

Glasgow

"How many women who are into the sub lifestyle are there on fab? Is it common?"

I'm generally into subs, male or female.

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By *ickygirl41Woman
over a year ago

Glasgow

"You may be better of on a kink site, rather than a swinging one. "

Tbh, there really aren't suitable kink sites for this, I'm definitely not a swinger but this is the best place to meet potential subs that I've found.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would love a sub

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By *ickygirl41Woman
over a year ago

Glasgow

"Thirty seven."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm my hubbys sub

Dom with women

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By *hatsthisMan
over a year ago

Newcastle

"How many women who are into the sub lifestyle are there on fab? Is it common?

I'm generally into subs, male or female."
Site needs more Pickygirls x

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By *nforcer68Man
over a year ago

leeds

"In my opinion as a submissive of many years;

A true Dominant understands that the submissive actually holds the power.

One word or sign and it all stops.

Submission is a gift that can be taken away in a heartbeat.

Any ‘Dominant’ who ignores that is really just a bully or a control freak who probably watched 50 shades. "

I agree 100%.

I've lost count over the years of the amount of new subs ruined by so called Dom's who saw them as nothing more than somebody weak to be used.

New subs should talk to as many subs and Dom's to get an understanding of what to look for and understand the power lies within them. To give submission to somebody takes greater strength than taking it, but taking the submission takes greater responsibility. It is my job to respect it, stretch it a little then return it unharmed.

After all, without a sub I am just a bloke with a collection of whips

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By *nforcer68Man
over a year ago

leeds

"In my opinion as a submissive of many years;

A true Dominant understands that the submissive actually holds the power.

One word or sign and it all stops.

Submission is a gift that can be taken away in a heartbeat.

Any ‘Dominant’ who ignores that is really just a bully or a control freak who probably watched 50 shades. "

I agree 100%.

I've lost count over the years of the amount of new subs ruined by so called Dom's who saw them as nothing more than somebody weak to be used.

After all, without a sub I am just a bloke with a collection of whips

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By *inkycreamCouple
over a year ago

manchester

I’m always sub with guys , but girls look out can get really nasty on your ass

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We live the BDSM lifestyle but love the swinging crossover. There are many people who have accounts both here and on f e t for example. We happen to like sex with our BDSM which is sometimes not welcome in some high protocol BDSM circles we have moved in. You have to look for it though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Love Reading threads on D/s, always gets a good reaction and there's always a lot of differing opinions.

I agree there are lots of men claiming to be dom that prove they are not in an opening message or their profiles and that consent seems to disappear too.

Trust, limits and boundaries are key.

I don't personally think there is a single way to define any sub or dom or the relationships as its unique to the two in it.

I'm submissive but have a bit of switch in me. How much I have I do not know yet, but its definitely there.

Above there has been comments about self esteem and being weak individuals.

I am in control of practically everything in my life, to be submissive in this side of it is a complete opposite of my daily life.

Im curious to know what the body type is that was mentioned earlier.

And I really don't agree with the low self esteem comment either. I personally think it's takes a fair level of strength and confidence and knowing yourself as a person well.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We'd love to gangbang a sub slub that's tied up and at the mercy of multiple guys.

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

I would put forward a few views. I would preface my comments by saying that modern D/S is not about kink shaming or bad mouthing people for expressing their kink. I think this covers those who put submissives down but also those who criticise certain types of dominants. Rather than criticise it is best to educate.

I would also refer to an Australian survey that found that people who practised BDSM were as a whole more balanced than vanilla people.

In keeping with not being critical I have to say that with my experience of attending kink events up and down this country and meeting 100's of people, I would say the submissives that I have met on the whole have not suffered from inferiority complexes. Nor have the bulk of the submissives have a particular body size or attitude to life. In fact submission has not necessarily been sexual in many cases.

However I have also been to many swinging events, and in swinging events submission takes a sexual flavour. This is why old school kinksters do not like mixing with swingers. A complex dynamic becomes reduced to cock (real or manmade) and orifice.

Even then sexual submission is a real kink and in many cases is not just an outlet for low self esteem. I suppose confused people think it is low self esteem when a curvy woman is sexually submissive but an expression of self determination if a woman with a page 3 model figure is sexually submissive.

So to repeat some of the comments with which I agree, submission comes in a spectrum of personalities, shapes, genders and behaviours.

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

Submissive comes from a stunning strong woman who needs sexual release from there domestic existence.

Well in most cognitive experience

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

"In my opinion as a submissive of many years;

A true Dominant understands that the submissive actually holds the power.

One word or sign and it all stops.

Submission is a gift that can be taken away in a heartbeat.

Any ‘Dominant’ who ignores that is really just a bully or a control freak who probably watched 50 shades.

I agree 100%.

I've lost count over the years of the amount of new subs ruined by so called Dom's who saw them as nothing more than somebody weak to be used.

After all, without a sub I am just a bloke with a collection of whips"

Although I largely agree with the sentiments expressed in both the original comment and the response, I disagree with a number of significant points.

I disagree that submission is a gift. There is no obligation to return gift, whereas submission is always revocable. I prefer to see submission as something valuable exchanged for equally valuable domination.

I also disagree about anyone being a "true" whatever in the scene. There only people that work for you. People you don't like may be good for someone else.

Personally I don't think subs have all the power. I have stopped scenes where I have felt the submissive had had enough even though the submissives would have liked to have continued. Control of ones body is not control of a relationship. I think it is wrong to see the sub and dominant relationship as adversarial. Any one with a fetish genuinely wants to express it. A submissive craves to express their submission with the right dom in the right circumstances. An analogy would be sex, some take the view that women are here on Fab avoiding men (or women) and therefore they have control. But actually many are looking for the right relationship with sex and are keen to progress (whether casual or long term) with the right man (or woman). But with so many women complaining they can't find the right partner what control do they really have?

Additionally I don't see it as the dominants responsibility to go beyond what has been agreed and negotiated. If the submissive wants stretching all well and good but if it has not been discussed I am not sure it is for the dominant to impose their view. My aim is, where my interests and the submissives interest intersect, to either help the submissive achieve their fantasy, and or if they wish, allow them to explore those matters that interest them and interest me. Then we have happy days.

However as D/S is a broad church different D/S relationships have different approaches. Provided it is consensual people should fill your boots. The main thing is to ensure submissives have the tools that enable them to avoid, as far as is possible, physically and mentally damaging situations.

One last point, in the same way that a submissive can be a submissive without a dominant, a dominant can be a dominant without a submissive. I am actually more than just a man with whips (which I have a few) as I practice tegularly with my whips, read whip books and articles and watch whip videos in order to achieve a proficient skill level, but enables me to give that stingy satisfaction to those who want it in play, for both our pleasure.

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By *en.....emMan
over a year ago

West mids

wifes a total sub..luvs it

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By *annydevonMan
over a year ago

Exeter

I don't claim to be a dom at all, but I do have a dominant side that I supressed for many years, as I thought it was all important to be a caring lover... only to find that some of my lovers craved something else.

Communication is key... that might sound obvious but a lot of people don't communicate their desires.

If you want something, let your lover know!

I was lucky enough to meet a couple through here, he had been her "boss" but after a while she found it difficult to maintain the role when normal, everyday, domestic routines could get in the way. They agreed to look for someone to join them.

I found myself being very rough with her, much more than I had been before that in relationships. It woke something up in me that I want to explore more.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No.

My former Dom had me here seeking other subs. Plenty of posers, very few genuinely submissive women.

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

"No.

My former Dom had me here seeking other subs. Plenty of posers, very few genuinely submissive women.

I am curious to know what constituted a poser and why they were not genuinely submissive women?

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By *ollydoesWoman
over a year ago

Shangri-La

I say im a sub on my profile. I also say that even tho i am thst is not how a meet will go. Infact i I would never arrange a meet around thst basis and im usualy the " go getter" at meets haha It takes time for that to build up. I always avoid the people who tell me they are " dom" i always ask back whst being don means to them. Nearly all will say along the lines of..telling you what to do..using you..fucking you how i like..ordering you.. thats when you know they clueless really. For me D/s is so much more than that answer. Its not something i seek on here and have never " shopped around " for one either. The few times ive been in a d/s relationship its never been becasue im insecure, body conscious, low self estem or anything such like. Its because im strong and confident enough to be able to submit. It should never been mistaken for a sign of weekness but one of strength. But for me thats only ever possible with the right guy who becomes that dom. I can never really find a way to expalin wbat the relationship if dom/sub means to me but it dosnt seem to be the same as alot of peoples these days. I think its where the scene and lifestyle are mixed up? Truth is when you meet a perfect Dom..when he locks me in ( collar so forth) hes actually setting me free.

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By *ulgehunterMan
over a year ago

yorkshire

I'm sub but male

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By *isandhers691127Couple
over a year ago

Bournemouth

We are D/s couple, fem is switch and she would make a fantastic Mistress for the right f sub.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I say im a sub on my profile. I also say that even tho i am thst is not how a meet will go. Infact i I would never arrange a meet around thst basis and im usualy the " go getter" at meets haha It takes time for that to build up. I always avoid the people who tell me they are " dom" i always ask back whst being don means to them. Nearly all will say along the lines of..telling you what to do..using you..fucking you how i like..ordering you.. thats when you know they clueless really. For me D/s is so much more than that answer. Its not something i seek on here and have never " shopped around " for one either. The few times ive been in a d/s relationship its never been becasue im insecure, body conscious, low self estem or anything such like. Its because im strong and confident enough to be able to submit. It should never been mistaken for a sign of weekness but one of strength. But for me thats only ever possible with the right guy who becomes that dom. I can never really find a way to expalin wbat the relationship if dom/sub means to me but it dosnt seem to be the same as alot of peoples these days. I think its where the scene and lifestyle are mixed up? Truth is when you meet a perfect Dom..when he locks me in ( collar so forth) hes actually setting me free. "

We are alike in finding our submission is liberating.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There seems to be a massive influx of those "I'm a dom" guys that think they can put it on and take it off like a suit jacket....those are the ones who are causing many subs to be hurt mentally and making them question themselves and also causes them to not be able to trust again.....being a dominant isn't a phase or a game....it's a way of life,it's the way you carry yourself. Many of these wanna be doms are justness power crazy control freaks that think they have the right to not take others needs in to account.....maybe if they actually understood exactly what submissive needs and how special that gift of submission really is then they may just be able to comprehend who a submissive really is.....instead of FBI mind it's all about control and hurting said sub.....these idiots don't and won't ever understand that the submissive is always the one in full control.....submission is a gift that isn't given lightly and should be treated like a precious stone.....it takes a lot to earn that trust but it's easily lost as well....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whilst I agree with the majority of what is being said on this thread, I am going to make an unpopular statement.

Submissives do not have all the control.

I’ll explain - it is a power exchange and within that there are safe words that stop everything. When the safe word is used a submissive can walk away from the dynamic at anytime for any reason. This stops the D/s, the power exchange finishes straight away. The common perception is that this gives the submissive total control, which is true to an extent.

It is not just a submissive that can use a safe word and stop the dynamic, a Dominant can do this as well. Which makes it an equal power share - both people have the ability to change the dynamic.

A submissive choose who to submit and can remove that submission at anytime.

A Dominant chooses who to dominant and can remove that domination at anytime.

It is one of the purest forms of power exchange and equality that I can think of.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"May I ask why do you find them boring? Genuinely interested

Sure

It's just a bit of a cliche. And shows no imagination, or willing to take the domme role. It's like women sleepwalk into it.

It's also often tied into low self esteem, which is a turn-off. Conversely - confidence to be a hot domme is a massive turn on.

What a generalisation! It depends on the sub's character.

I agree, if I’m allowed I turn bratty, or try and top from the bottom.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am in agreement, in my everyday life I’m in control in every aspect of my life I have to be confident and make decisions which impact others. Being sexually submissive is a huge release for me and Iys almost euphoric it’s much more than physical it’s a huge mental sexual need for me to submit and trust

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By *hoenixcouplexxCouple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

I think submissive tendencies can be found in all walks of life. The stereo typical people who like to be led and the ones that you would never read as submissive until you get inside their head.

The leaders in everyday life but when they click with the right Dom/Domme find release in their submission.

It has surprised me more than once when talking to someone and I've realised they are submissive.

We have lived D/s lifestyle for 10 plus years now and those that meet D usually have no idea, until she meet someone with knowledge and understanding, then they see through her straight away. Unless it's a submissive female whom appeals then the Domme comes out to play lol.

When two people click within this type of lifestyle though I have known no better excitement and thrill. It truly has been magical. Even better when you can offer someone true understanding of their own nature which many many people just do not have. In our experience a lot just dont think about it or can't simply be completely honest with themselves. To be open with your own nature and have that understanding of 'self' is an extremely valuable commodity to have.

A Dom/Domme is so much more than sex, to always without fail endeavour to offer 100% of yourself to someone either way is demanding and takes a huge amount of both commitment and honesty. Though the sex side is kinda fun

lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"May I ask why do you find them boring? Genuinely interested

Sure

It's just a bit of a cliche. And shows no imagination, or willing to take the domme role. It's like women sleepwalk into it."

It does seem that's the case. I switch with my wife and past partners so I view it on both sides.

As a Dom I spend a considerable amount of time considering a scene, I like to research equipment and purchase things that will be new and fun, and then plan out how to make it interesting and exciting for my wife.

Now a submissive doesn't have to do any of that, it's about handing control to another so to be blunt it's far easier and in some respects is the lazier route, but also the unknown is exciting

After years of being a Dom I'm exploring my submissive side so I know both sides of the story. I can definitely see the appeal of being submissive, it's the easiest choice.

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By *ecky and justCouple
over a year ago

Godalming

Becky and I are D/s.

Becky wears my day collar and a special collar on nights out.

Being Dom to her submission doesn’t mean me doing what the hell I like to her with scant regard to her feelings or wishes.

Her submission to me allows me the responsibility to care for her needs, whether it be just with me or with partners that we choose or I may choose for her.

It’s my role to ensure she’s safe and cared for while helping her reach whatever subspace she wants to be in.

It’s far from just flogging and restraints.

The strongest tie is the one between us.

She trusts me completely.

Now, that being said, Becky can sometimes be bratty or a bit switchy, it’s my place to make sure she is happy.

Many people will have their own idea about dominance and submission and that’s their right.

B&J x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I should add to my post I've never been into lifestyle D/s because we don't have time/young kids so my comments are from the perspective of having play sessions

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Becky and I are D/s.

Becky wears my day collar and a special collar on nights out.

Being Dom to her submission doesn’t mean me doing what the hell I like to her with scant regard to her feelings or wishes.

Her submission to me allows me the responsibility to care for her needs, whether it be just with me or with partners that we choose or I may choose for her.

It’s my role to ensure she’s safe and cared for while helping her reach whatever subspace she wants to be in.

It’s far from just flogging and restraints.

The strongest tie is the one between us.

She trusts me completely.

Now, that being said, Becky can sometimes be bratty or a bit switchy, it’s my place to make sure she is happy.

Many people will have their own idea about dominance and submission and that’s their right.

B&J x"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"May I ask why do you find them boring? Genuinely interested

Sure

It's just a bit of a cliche. And shows no imagination, or willing to take the domme role. It's like women sleepwalk into it.

It does seem that's the case. I switch with my wife and past partners so I view it on both sides.

Now a submissive doesn't have to do any of that, it's about handing control to another so to be blunt it's far easier and in some respects is the lazier route, but also the unknown is exciting

After years of being a Dom I'm exploring my submissive side so I know both sides of the story. I can definitely see the appeal of being submissive, it's the easiest choice."

I do have a dominant side but it brings me no sexual pleasure. I also don't know how far I'd go into the S/M aspect. So for me submission is the safest choice and horniest - not the easiest.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Becky and I are D/s.

Becky wears my day collar and a special collar on nights out.

Being Dom to her submission doesn’t mean me doing what the hell I like to her with scant regard to her feelings or wishes.

Her submission to me allows me the responsibility to care for her needs, whether it be just with me or with partners that we choose or I may choose for her.

It’s my role to ensure she’s safe and cared for while helping her reach whatever subspace she wants to be in.

It’s far from just flogging and restraints.

The strongest tie is the one between us.

She trusts me completely.

Now, that being said, Becky can sometimes be bratty or a bit switchy, it’s my place to make sure she is happy.

Many people will have their own idea about dominance and submission and that’s their right.

B&J x"

Like any aspect of a relationship you come to agreement what works for both of you.

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By *ollydoesWoman
over a year ago

Shangri-La

We are alike in finding our submission is liberating. "

Glad someone else sees it like that too.

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By *ollydoesWoman
over a year ago

Shangri-La

So very true.

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

"Whilst I agree with the majority of what is being said on this thread, I am going to make an unpopular statement.

Submissives do not have all the control.

It is not just a submissive that can use a safe word and stop the dynamic, a Dominant can do this as well. Which makes it an equal power share - both people have the ability to change the dynamic.

A submissive choose who to submit and can remove that submission at anytime.

A Dominant chooses who to dominant and can remove that domination at anytime.

It is one of the purest forms of power exchange and equality that I can think of. "

Not an unpopular statement if you scroll up I have said a similar thing.

I must say that overnight the quality of the contributions has been very impressive.

I am also of the view that it takes strength to submit and submission in BDSM is not a sign of weakness.

I think the problem is that on the swinging scene you run into women who say they are submissive of a certain dom, who controls who they sleep with and can make them sleep with whoever the dom wants. If you ask them what else the dom does (other than hitting their sexual buttons) in terms of support they normally come up blank. This is different from where the submissive is making a positive choice to give up that control within the context of a supportive D/S and it is a requirement of the sub that the dom takes that control. It is also different from the sub slut where sexual submission is there kink. Again they are not sleep walking into the situation, it is a positive choice.

However for me although D/S can have some sexual context, it is not the main driver.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I prefer a woman who is switch or will at least take me in hand once in a while

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Submissive here looking for someone to experiment with.

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By *hoenixcouplexxCouple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

[Removed by poster at 08/12/19 16:18:10]

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By *hoenixcouplexxCouple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

"Whilst I agree with the majority of what is being said on this thread, I am going to make an unpopular statement.

Submissives do not have all the control.

It is not just a submissive that can use a safe word and stop the dynamic, a Dominant can do this as well. Which makes it an equal power share - both people have the ability to change the dynamic.

A submissive choose who to submit and can remove that submission at anytime.

A Dominant chooses who to dominant and can remove that domination at anytime.

It is one of the purest forms of power exchange and equality that I can think of.

Not an unpopular statement if you scroll up I have said a similar thing.

I must say that overnight the quality of the contributions has been very impressive.

I am also of the view that it takes strength to submit and submission in BDSM is not a sign of weakness.

However for me although D/S can have some sexual context, it is not the main driver."

I think this being a swinging site and predominantly about sex a lot focus entirely on that.

When actual D/s is a whole lpt more 1than just that.

Some would argue that a lot of those things come with a good relationship which I guess they should but to me when a Dom or Domme offers that as part of a negotiation they are then held accountable even by themselves but for me that and D are the only people I answer to in that regard. My word and our contract is my bond and it is unwavering and she knows that 100% without any doubt. Not to say mistakes arn't made people are human but to know your partner will do everything in their power not to make them gives something more that isn't commonly shared in my experience.

As you say both parties make a conscious decision and actually talk about it. Often assumed by others or taken for granted but not aired or agreed other than when they are standing at an alter or not atall.

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By *hoenixcouplexxCouple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

*than is commonly shared

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By *eviantdeeliteCouple
over a year ago

Cheltenham

"Suzie is sub and collared."

Cool!

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By *eviantdeeliteCouple
over a year ago

Cheltenham

We are alike in finding our submission is liberating.

Glad someone else sees it like that too. "

Perfect